Positive Productivity: Tools for Time Management with Rivka Caroline

00:00 Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Zalman Schner. Welcome to the Everything Chinuch Podcast, brought to you by the Menachem Education Foundation. Here, you'll find fabrangans, workshops, live interviews, and more, all to inspire you, the Chabad educator. We hope you enjoy today's episode.

00:20 Speaker 2 Caroline. I teach time management, and I have been, um, asked to teach you some tips and tricks to help you work smarter, even though I do believe teachers are the most organized people I know because they're always thinking lesson plans and getting things done. But I also know, as you guys know really well, that now that you're teachers, you get to be the directors of two Mikdash Ma'at. You have to run two, and I think that if that was me, it would feel quite overwhelming in a good sense, the responsibility, and also in the overwhelming sense, the responsibility. So I'm gonna try and teach you some tricks. So about twenty years ago, I began being a professional organizer, helping people organize their homes, which is the most fun in the whole world because it just gives you so much naches. And at the same time, I was going to school, um, one evening a week to learn psychology. So what happened that was really interesting was my love of making things organized kind of flowed into organizing our brains, our minds, what works, what doesn't work, what can we deconstruct to reconstruct. So it's kind of come out together, as you can see on the front, as my own little, my own little, um, offering, which is positive productivity, kind of blending positive psychology with getting things done. Um, I believe that if being organized was simple, we would be doing it already, and I think sometimes we just need to hear things in a

02:00 Speaker 2 different way or learn them with fresh eyes to get things done. So one thing that was very nice that happened along the way of organizing people's homes and organizing their lives was that I got to listen to people. I got to listen to overwhelmed moms, and it-- the conversation rarely stayed about the disorganized kitchen or the overwhelming playroom. It very often went into the personal domain. And what I worked out all these years later was that I was getting very valuable data. You know, in the, in the research world, the-- someone talking to you straight is the highest level because there's no misinterpretation. They're telling you. There's no-- You know, ever had those checkoff forms? Ever had those checkoff forms where you're like, "Rarely, sometimes," and you're like, "What is even the difference between rarely and sometimes?" You know? So that data's not so robust, but the personal conversat-ation is super robust. And I have come up with five main groups that-- of things. You can stay, you can stay. You can stay. No, she was in, she was in the other one, so she's laughing at me. Um, which is fine. There are five main categories of high roads that-- highways that go through women's minds. Why is this important? It's important because it's important to know that it's not just the systems that I'm gonna throw at you, the ideas that I'm gonna throw at you. It's important to know that if it's not rooted in well s-- good soil, you know, good

03:51 Speaker 2 bones, good soil, then our systems aren't gonna stick. This is for us as women, teachers, parents, all the areas. Every student and every parent that you're gonna deal with is gonna have one of these highways going on. So you're an astute bunch of ladies. What do you th-- what categories would you say goes through a mom's mind when she's feeling less than? Any ideas? Just throw some ideas out. Guilt, always. Guilt, always. Jewish mother's guilt. Jewish mother's guilt we have in our genes. That's a whole different lecture. That's transgenerational trauma, and it's alive and well. Yeah, so guilt, and I'm gonna even say one step, um, deeper, is shame. Guilt is there's something wrong. Shame is I did something bad. Okay? So we've got the shame going on. Give me some other things that you see amongst your sisters. Pardon? Inferiority. Absolutely. Wonderful. Inferiority, where I am less than, and I have proof that I'm less than because I saw what other moms make for dinner in a me magazine, and that's not me. I have proof. Okay? I have proof why I'm not, why I'm not enough. What else? What- Disappointment. Pardon? Disappointment. Disappointment I th-- Well, disappointment is a good one. It could fall into a few categories. I'll take disappointment and pull it into perfectionism. If I can't do things perfectly, I'm not gonna do them at all. Now, remember, these are all subliminal. This is not something that you're necessarily gonna share with your best friend or your students are gonna

05:30 Speaker 2 share with their parents. It's something that's going on. Good. Anything else? We've covered the main ones. Pardon? Worry, anxiety. Worry, anxiety. Yes to all of the above. Yes. But that I think people are more likely to say like, "Oh, I'm so anxious. I'm so stressed." You know, it's funny. In the mental health world, if we can label it, we can-- if we can feel, we can heal. If we can enable it, if we can express it. If we don't express it, it gets depressed. So those are the, the ones I want-- I wanna bring those ones out. So I'll tell you, I'll tell you the other two One is lack of boundaries, where we're saying, "Oh, you know, I can't believe they asked me to cook six cakes for the upcoming whatever. I, I wish-- I, I just couldn't say no." Who, who knows the-- who knows that phrase, "I couldn't say no"? Okay, good. We're very kind. I will teach you how to make boundaries. How do you do that? How do you do that? I know, it's a whole-- It's like teaching you Greek, right? It will take a lifetime to learn. And, um, the other thing, the other thing that I think is so upsetting, and that is-- and it's also very natural, and that is it was very, very low, if not not there at all, for a woman to take time for what she loved doing. Okay? So after all of the things were done on her to-do list, then

06:55 Speaker 2 she would consider perhaps maybe doing some painting, but it got too overwhelming, so what's the point? Okay? So what that, what that shows me, and it's a natural thing, but what that is with the, with the low self-care, no- everyone looks beautiful. It wasn't that. It was more just like, "I love painting." A woman once was in a, a class of mine. She goes, "Oh my gosh, you're right, I love painting." 'Cause it's a form of expression. We always want to express. You know, you're teachers. You always want your, your students to express themselves. Maybe not out loud all the time, but you want them to express themselves. And I said to the woman, "You love painting?" I said, "That's great. When did you last paint?" And she said, "I've got four boys. Like, I haven't painted in twenty years." You might say, "Oh, well, that's motherhood. Oh, well, that's teachers. That's what it looks like." I'm gonna push back and say, when you're running two mikdash mats and everyone and everything is depending on you, when you take time for yourself, even though the home isn't where you want it to be, even though the classroom isn't w-where you want it to be, but on Monday nights, you go to a Pilates class, go to a painting class. Whatever you do that fuels you, and you know, for as many people there are in this room, is, um, all these different things that you might just wanna sit on your phone and scroll aimlessly

08:15 Speaker 2 and be responsible to no one for one hour. Whatever that is that gives you that rinse cycle, that is a priority. Now, before we jump into the ten main things, boundaries. This is what a boundary looks like, okay? But call me up and ask me to make cakes for you. Ask me to make cakes. Will you make some cakes for me? Ooh. For a party. Having a party. When's the party? Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Okay. I do love you, and I do love baking. Can I get back to you in ten minutes? Maybe you can do it. She's good. She's good. Okay. You know- No, good. So, so you know what? Because-- You know what? Give me five minutes, okay? So I hang up, and I say, "Oh, she's so nice. She's so nice. I really wanna make the cakes. Okay, let me take a moment. I'm so exhausted. My back's hurting me. I'm super late on that assignment. Okay, I haven't got any flour. Wait, you know what? I have Duncan Hines brownie mix. I can do that in fifteen minutes as opposed to my signature poppy seed blueberry." What's your name? Leah. Leah. Hi. This is what I can do. I have Duncan Hines brownie mix. Would that be okay? No. You want, you want my- I want your kokosh cake. You want my kokosh cake. I know, you and everybody else. Okay, so here's the thing, Leah. You know I love you. I don't have the ingredients. I'm wiped. I had a horrible day.

09:44 Speaker 2 How about this? Next time I make kosh- kokosh cake, I'm gonna call you, and you'll have for the next thing that you do. You're meant to say, "That's fine." That's fine. I want you to know I feel bad, but I just don't have the two hours. Maybe you can make something else. Okay. So, so do you wanna reconsider the brownies? What are you gonna do with the brownies? Like- They're just brownies. Literally a b- but they're a basic. People like them. Then you can stop making phone calls. It's your call. I'm happy to do it. Okay. Okay, I'll make the brownies. Thank you. You're welcome. That's what a boundary looks like, 'cause here's the thing, old me would have felt so bad, wanted to make kokosh cake. And you know what? Kokosh cake is great hot also for me personally to eat it after it's made. So it's all a win-win, except my tomorrow morning self as a teacher and as a mom, bad choice, bad choice. So for very kind people like teachers, your best friend is a pause. Even if it's a p- it's five-minute pause, take a moment. Because there will be other times that you're like, "Wait, Leah, this is perfect. It's Monday night. I have that hour to myself, and I love baking, and I have all the ingredients." Absolutely. If you would've called me tomorrow, I couldn't, but today I absolutely can. So it just depends on you and what it's gonna cost you. What you're up to in

11:11 Speaker 2 your life. What you're up to, what-- the invisible things that you're, you're juggling. So you have to understand that saying yes to other people is a default mechanism of being a Frumm woman, okay? It's always gonna be yes. "Can you host twenty people for Shabbos?" "Yes." It's a, it's a yes. Is it in our genes? Is it in our neshamah? Yes. Here's the thing. When you're really... You're not overwhelmed, but you're pre-overwhelmed, saying yes to somebody else and saying no to yourself, Hashem doesn't make a prophet. It's a hard one. It's a hard one. It's a new generation. It's a hard one. We are breaking transgenerational trauma, but that pause is your friend. And then at least when you're making the kokosh cake, there's no resentment. That's not me. Um, th-there's no resentment, and there's no like, "Why am I doing this?" You know exactly. Whoever's ringer that is, can we turn that off? Okay. So now we're gonna go into the ten, the ten big ones. And we have half an hour. Good. Okay. So I'm trying to think-- I... Sorry, in the past tense. I try to think of the ten areas that I could give you that would yield the most, um, reward. Some of these things you're gonna be doing already, so forgive me, I know we have some veteran teachers in the room. I just thought to myself for the, for the average teacher, so if I'm talking down to you, I apologize. I'm just trying to do, do the

12:45 Speaker 2 basics. So write it all down. Why do I say write it all down? I say write it all down because our brains don't work like clockwork. They're not linear for some very, very unfair reason, as you all know because you've all done this, where you go to the kosher store. You don't write a list 'cause you just need four items, right? You go in, the main thing you need is gefilte fish, okay? You go in, you've got your phone, you're checking this. You go, "Oh, the cake. Oh, I can buy chocolate cake, put it in the freezer for the next time Leah calls. Fabulous. Great. Oh, I'll do this, I'll do that." Back in the car, back home, everything's great till you walk in the front door and- No gefilte fish. -no gefilte fish. It's not fair, but that's how our brains work. And because you guys carry a double load, Mikdash Mat home, Mikdash Mat school, there's always gonna be a gefilte fish roll there in the back left part of your brain. So if you write it down, you at least have a chance of executing it, remembering it, or at the very least, not just carrying it around. Why? Because the human brain-- How many things can a human brain carry in its working memory? Just throw some guesses at me. Who said that? Good for you. Yes. Well, that's why phone numbers are seven. Yes, why phone numbers are seven, exactly. That's exactly right. That's why phone numbers are seven, and

14:08 Speaker 2 if you have seven children, there goes your memory. So I have seven children. So writing it down at least gives you a chance, and carrying it around in your brain for no reason isn't helping anyone. It's not helping anyone because you're not getting it closer to getting done. You're holding the spot. And as you get older, anyone a forty-year-old can relate to this, what happens at three AM? I must get gefilte fish. How did that help me? I was there yesterday at three PM. Doesn't work. So getting in the habit of writing things down is fabulous. Paper and pen is wonderful. Some people are like, "Is it okay if I use paper and pen?" Yes, that's a great detox from the brain down the arm to the pen onto the paper. Wonderful. But people say, "But I lose it." Okay, take a photo. You have this evil thing called a phone that is not our friend that brings us so much distraction. At least use the camera to help you remember stuff. Great. Write it down, take a photo. If you're lucky enough to have a notepad that you find and you use and you keep, even better. But let's assume the notepad between the home and the school, the notepad's not going with both, write it down on a piece of paper. If you're a little techy, a lit-- You don't have to be very techy, a little techy, you can use Google Keep, which is an extension of Google, which is just Post-it

15:36 Speaker 2 notes. You just have a yellow one for this, a pink one for that, and you can write things down right away. But if you learn anything from today, write it down. Write it down. Do we have a question? You wanna add something? Tell them about Google Keep. No, I'm saying tell... No, but this is good. I want it here. We like to share how- Yes. Thank-- I knew you were saying something valuable. I could tell. Google-- Thank you. Google Keep can also be shared. So that's-- You can use it for shopping lists and share it with your husband. Let's say you have a co-teacher, a colleague, you can share things like that. Google-- And that what, that's what makes it wonderful is its shareability also. So it's very simple, and share-- Anything that Google makes go towards because it's simple and efficient, so it's a good one. Okay. C-- Somebody asked, I asked like ten different friends who are teachers what... Oh, yeah. There's Notes on your phone that do the same thing. There's Notes on the phone that does the same thing. I know. Exactly. I know. If you don't have Google Keep and you use Notes, they're the same thing. For some reason, I got introduced to Google Keep first, so I've become... That's my thing. So yes, please use any form of easy note-taking that is easily retrievable. Uh, when I asked my friends who are teachers for the pain points, um, some people said organizing the classroom was a little overwhelming.

17:05 Speaker 2 And I figure that it's a little bit like running a house, where there's always gonna be areas that flow well and always areas that get a little overwhelming. Am I right? Right. So with the classroom itself, I would make sure that everything that you have there you need, 'cause less, less stuff is less to manage. And you have a great resource in your classroom, which is free human labor. You know? Child labor laws are alive and well. You can have, you know, obviously depending on the child and your patience level and that child, but children can be responsible for different things. Some children will really enjoy organizing. Some children will make more of a mess. But if you know your crowd, that could actually work very nicely for you, where certain children are responsible for certain things. 'Cause the main thing is it shouldn't land on you to make a choice between an organized classroom and leaving school half an hour later. That shouldn't be on you. But if you can use this summer, it could be that your classroom is pristine. If it's not, and that's an area that you would wanna work on, ask friends that do that with, with the kids. Is it worth the effort? How do we do it? Or whatever it is. But if you want a pristine atmosphere, if I was a teacher, it'd be very hard if the classroom was messy. I wouldn't be able to teach well Whatever it is, come up with a simple system.

18:26 Speaker 2 Ask your clever friends how that could work so that your classroom, you walk in, and you feel that sense... You know, you don't feel that angst. And probably, I would imagine if I was a teacher, just like in my home, I'm always upset with that corner that's not working out. Probably as a teacher, I'll always be frustrated with those books that never get put back properly, whatever it was. But by identifying it ahead, you can maybe think out of the box or ask the principal, like, "Do I need to keep all those books in the classroom? Can they be somewhere else?" Who knows? Who knows? But it's nice to at least identify that. Another thing that teachers asked was help clarifying from principals what would be needed this semester ahead. I know we have some veteran teachers that probably do that same magic, um, semester by semester, but I'm sure with younger schools, um, students, or schools that are only in their second or third or fourth year, it's probably hard to know exactly what's coming up because it's not, it's not a well hit... It's, it's not, it hasn't been going forever and forever, and it's kind of creating systems as you go along for the next semester. If your school is not particularly organized, for... No, no, you know, very often schools start off disorganized. They start off leading with the heart, and then over time it's able to become more structured. And all schools are good schools. All chinuch is good chinuch.

19:53 Speaker 2 But you, if your principals and team are behind you, that shouldn't affect your own style. Some people love last minute, some people shut down with last minute. However it is, you can always ask your principal for heads-up. Might be your first year in this particular job. Like, "Heads up, I do not like last minute. What is gonna be needed for me for the next semester, so I can get ahead of that curve?" Or you can ask that now, "I like to do the bulk of my planning in the summer. How can I do that?" Or the principal might be like, "I'm so new here, I can't plan it by semester." No problem. "What's the next month?" You know, try and have that conversation while you're still able to be in that proactive zone because that's working with your style. And there's a saying that resonates so much with me, "It's so easy when I want to. It's so hard when I have to." So I really try and get out of that have to zone as much as possible. Of course, real life is not 100% anything, so it's always nice to at least have those conversations. Here's another thing that I was thinking about if I was a teacher. If I was a teacher, one area that would concern me would be my brain. Because even after the lessons were planned and the classroom was organized, I would be worrying about my students. Either, not so much about the lesson plans, but worrying about

21:14 Speaker 2 either a problem area or some kids that were giving me a hard time. Well, we know they don't give you a hard time, they're having a hard time. But I think going home in the evenings, Shabbos, it would pop into my mind and... I don't know. That's just what I was thinking. Is that something that resonates or am I thinking, is my thinking off? Not so much. Not so mu-

21:37 Speaker 3 A little bit.

21:38 Speaker 2 A little bit. Yes. Okay. Yes.

21:42 Speaker 3 A little bit.

21:42 Speaker 2 And, and it's kind of hard because when you're a teacher you've got such big hearts. You c- you're not like, you know, you're not working in Starbucks where you, you know, walk out the front door and you don't care. You know, it's like they're still coming with you. Except what we want, one of the main things that we want for teachers is to be able to switch off as best possible so that you can take care of you, take care of your family, reboot, come back in the morning refreshed. If you're constantly on, in-- Even just think of your brain as a food processor. You wouldn't leave your food processor on overnight. You know, it, it needs a break. So does your mind. So I would say, if possible, more times than not, choose your worry slot. Maybe if you don't have kids in the car, you can worry on the way home. Maybe that's what you do when you go for a walk in the morning. Whatever it is, but try and get a little bit strict about not getting into that loop unless it's a real issue that you really have to take care of. That, that I'm not talking about. Let's say that's 20% of the time. But just the 80% worrying, I would want you to save your head space for either creating a solution or worrying about what you're gonna take care of for you. Yes. Quick question.

22:58 Speaker 3 So what you're saying sounds perfect, but I know for me when, when I go home or at, at night, I, everything like replayed in my mind.

23:09 Speaker 2 Yeah.

23:10 Speaker 3 Maybe I shouldn't have said this.

23:11 Speaker 2 Yeah.

23:12 Speaker 3 And what this person said-

23:13 Speaker 2 Yeah

23:13 Speaker 3 ... I regret.

23:14 Speaker 2 Yep. I know. I'm-- Remember, I'm talking to you, and I'm not a teacher, so I'm trying to, like, spread seeds and see which ones take. I would say this: if that's your style, and that's how you make your magic, and it's not getting in the way of your day-to-day living, go ahead. If you wish you could take that Pilates, painting, doing nothing time, but you just never get around to it, it could be that you're using that time for the kids when everybody would be better if you, if you took that time for yourself. Let's... Listen, remember, as a mom and a teacher, you're in a double bind is that you doubly don't have enough time, but you doubly don't have enough head space. So it's a fine line. I'm not saying that it's simple. My goal is for everyone to walk out of here with one practical system and one way to take care of themselves more. So it's not, it's not an exact science. Time blocking. All the teachers that I spoke to said preparation and grading was a pain, right? It kind of crept in, it crept into their lifestyle. So what I would say as a non-teacher, I'm just talking about efficiency. I would say if you're anyway taking the hours of eight to ten, three times a week to prepare, plan, grade, at least do that with intention. So, okay, I don't want anyone starting to plan in the evenings if they don't do that already, okay? So if you're

24:55 Speaker 2 already, if you already have that lifestyle creep, at least let's organize it and make it more productive. Because I want one of those three days you're taking care of yourself. So it would look like this: Mondays, not from eight to ten. Mondays from eight to nine with your phone away, and that's when you're grading. Wednesdays, eight to nine with your phone away, and that's when you're planning. Now, of course, that's not how it works, but that's the thinking. Or you can just do whatever needs to get done. That should be the planning, and the preparing should be as little in your life as possible. Should be focused, and we definitely don't want it taking over your whole evening. That's the last thing we want. Parents, we're a huge pain. I know that. So with parents, what I would do is I would set up... There's a, an app that your school can purchase called Calendly, and that's maybe-- Is anyone familiar with Calendly? And that's how people can schedule appointments. So if you've got teach-- parents that want to speak to you, you... Listen, I don't think there's a way to teach without having some interaction with parents. Sometimes it can be a text or a WhatsApp, but sometimes it's gonna have to be a conversation, and they don't wanna have it because they're feeling so guilty, guilt and shame, and you don't wanna have it because you're exhausted. So when is the time that's best for you? In my head, I want all of

26:23 Speaker 2 your school to be in school. So let's say you are lucky enough to have a half-hour break. I would want fifteen minutes of that to be phone calls and then fifteen minutes for yourself. Why? 'Cause I don't want things going home with you in the evening. I even said in the last session, I even said in the last session, I would rather you get to school half an hour earlier or leave half an hour later, if that's possible, to try, I know it's so hard, but to try to leave as much of school in school. You can't leave all of school in school, but can you leave as much in school as possible so that you can come home, show up for your family, show up for yourself? It's a tall order. This is not simple. You're sensible and you're organized. If it were simple, you'd be doing it. I'm just throwing out different ideas in case they can work. Number six is life-work balance. There is no balance. There's no balance. And now with phones, I'm signing up for no phones worldwide. Even though I love Waze, I'll take, take it all away. I'll take it all away because it's just a mess. Our f-focus is now stolen. We're-- I'm just in the elevator going up to my room. It's just the third floor, and I've already checked my phone. I didn't, I didn't want to check my phone. I had no intention to check my phone. It just happens. And all of the

27:50 Speaker 2 apps are created to help us get addicted. So how are we meant to focus? How are we meant to think? How are we meant to come up with that next good idea if our attention is always being taken? Fifty percent of the population anyway has ADD. Now, the other fifty percent is just gonna get it 'cause their phone's pinging the whole time. And it's, it's re- It's like, it's, it's a problem. So there's no life-work balance. But how about monitoring your focus? How about when you're in teacher mode and you suddenly remember something about home, you write it down in your Google Keep or Notepad on your desk, and when you're-- You don't actionize it, you write it down. And then when you're in the home zone and you think of something, same thing. So you're taking that little moment. That's, that's sensible. "I must remember to get red markers," whatever it is. Take care of it. Uh, write it down, then actionize it later. What I think would be really hard for me is I, I would be somehow in no man's land, in between home and the classroom and always kind of in both. That's the work-life balance. And then to constantly be asking yourself, "Where does eighty percent of my stress come from at home and at work?" What is it? It, it's a basic law. It's the eighty/twenty rule. Eighty percent of our stress comes from twenty percent of life. At home, it's gonna be laundry, dinners, toys, or your children,

29:26 Speaker 2 of course. But that's... Wh-what can I do to tighten that up? Dinners, for example. Now, remember, no one's the same. So dinners, some people are like, "I love after a long day just to be in the kitchen preparing. It's creative." Other people are like, "I come in, like, so hangry. It's horrible. It's like a cooking show gone wrong. I'm just angry, and I'm hungry, and I don't have everything." So try and look at where the stress is coming from. Somehow we get fed the line like, "Oh, it's just what it is." It's not true. It's not true. Everyone, Hashem, the world, everyone wants your magic. You can't be doing your magic if you're doing everything else. What if you made a meal plan? What if you bought all your groceries on a Sunday? What if you used the preset oven on your oven or the Crockpot? That would be amazing. And one more thing about life-work balance. No one should be going grocery shopping for themselves. Everyone should be using Instacart. I, I mean, there isn't a Jewish, uh, for the kosher store. But unless you're five percent of the population that loves going shopping, you should be using Instacart. It's ten dollars a month. You will spend that money in gas alone, okay? Just to drive home my point. Unless you love grocery shopping, if you're part of the five percent, you're going into the store with time you don't have, paying money for gas. You're sh-schlepping around a cart and a kid or

30:51 Speaker 2 two. You're putting everything in the cart. You're making all the decisions, okay? You're going in line. Everything's going out the cart. Then it's going back in your car Then it's going from your car into your house, then it's getting put away. That is your painting class right there, unless you enjoy. There are a small percent of people like, "Don't take away my shopping, that's my sanity." And I'm like, "You choose your own cucumbers if that works for you." You know, that's not something that I need. Do not go shopping. It doesn't c- it costs a little bit extra, but not more than the gas. You don't have to decide. Right built in there, you have your personal time or your whatever, but that's phenomenal. Yes, it takes time to save time. It does. It's the summer. Don't leave this conference without coming out with the simplest of meal plans and downloading Instacart. Don't-- If you've got a friend who has Instacart, they can give you a code, and they can get twenty-five dollars. Do it. If you sign up for Instacart for the year ahead, how many hours are you gonna save over each week? Two hours. Sit on the couch, decide what... It's a joke. No, like, if you go shopping, especially if you live in Miami, if I ever catch you... Oh, I don't go shopping. But it's, it's illegal. Like, like, I should be the time management police and give tickets. Like, "Sorry, ma'am, that's four hundred dollars." Like, "No, you don't

32:21 Speaker 2 get to do that." So that, the minute you signed up to be a teacher, you gave up your rights to go shopping. Let's just say you love choosing your salad vegetables. I don't understa- I don't have that part of my brain. But let's say that's what you need, then order everything else, and on the way home, stop and get those cucumbers if that's what you need. No problem. Or if you love it. But otherwise, forbidden. Absolutely forbidden. Time management hacks. How can you run your home more efficiently? Laundry, dinners, toys. Look at those areas, okay? Dinners make the most... Dinners make the most simple of meal plans. If your families... If your families are fussy, sit down with them and say, "We're having chicken on Mondays. We're having fish on Tuesdays. We're having meat on Wednesdays. We're having pizza on Thursdays. Which recipes do you like? What style do you like?" And once they sign in, that's policy for the year. Okay? Now, I have a funny story. I've done chicken and potatoes every Monday night for twenty-five years, but now I have my two youngest that are growing up in this new generation. And one of my daughters was like, "Ma, I know you like your meal plan, but I can't do roast chicken." Like, how do you even get a vote of not having roast chicken? I said, "Okay." I could feel like a mutiny coming. I was like, "Okay." I was like, "How about this? You come up with two chicken recipes,

33:51 Speaker 2 and I'll look into them. Okay?" So now we have, like, sweet and sour one week and this sesame thing. I don't care, I just want them to eat. But I was like, "It was a quarter of a century good enough for your siblings." You know? Like, I hope you realize what you're tearing down over here. So you can change, but Monday nights is chicken forever when you can't wait. And literally, I used to say, "When the grandkids come for dinner, that's what's..." You know what? When the grandkids come for dinner , that's what they have. That's how it should be. Why? I haven't had to decide what's for dinner for twenty-five years. Okay. That-- Now, for somebody else, that would be like choking them. You did ch- roast chicken for twenty-five years? That's like disgusting. Is that why your kids are so skinny? You know, like, ugh. But I got so much... And you know what? Most of the time it was preset in the oven in the morning with some ice cubes. It was all ready when we walked in. It worked. Whatever works. Whatever works. Another mother might be, "I love the creativity of chopping a salad after a long, hard day." Great. We're so interesting and diverse. What works for one is not gonna work for the other. But at least ask yourself if that's the area that you want to work on. People might say, "Well, how-- I've got so many areas. How do I-- Where do I start?" And this

35:16 Speaker 2 is my answer: start where the stress is. Start- Tell us a little more about the ice cubes. Did I lose you? Did I lose you with the ice cubes? Okay, fine. I'm gonna ask everyone to listen just because we're almost at the question stage, and my attention goes really quickly. Ice cubes, this is what we do. I, along with wanting to save time, don't actually want to poison my children. So the chicken and the potatoes- No. Pardon? Keeping them i- iced. Exactly. Chicken and potatoes, like the whole potatoes go in a thingy, and then I spice it, and I'm like, "Mm, I live in Miami. This probably isn't sensible." So I take a handful of ice cubes and put it over, and it goes in the oven at preset. Goes off at two clock. Goes o- goes on at two o'clock, goes off at four o'clock. We walk in four fifteen, done. Where's the ice? On top. Like, it's just keeping it- Oh. It's just making sure I don't-- I haven't poisoned any of them. Yeah, it shouldn't get spoiled. Probably would be okay, but we don't want... And ice cubes on top's not gonna hurt anything. It's just some extra gravy. It's my gravy-making exercise. So, um, think of those things. And you don't wanna kind of go to the perfectionism zone of like, "I'll be organized when I preset all my dinners." Don't do that to yourself. Once it's perfectionism, you know the Yetzer Hara's getting involved. It has to be perfect. Don't,

36:37 Speaker 2 don't do that to yourself. It has to be good enough. Make your menu, see what can be done ahead. Sometimes just coming in and being able to put it right into the oven is so lovely. Or having a salad chopped or whatever it is, it's just at the end of your day, you shouldn't have to start reinventing the wheel. It's not respectful to yourself. I've had it where the oven didn't go off. I was like, "Oh, goodness." But it happens very, very rarely Um, Sundays. I was thinking if I was a teacher, Sundays would confuse me 'cause I'd want to get ahead for school, and I'd wanna get ahead for the family. I'd want also to ha-take it a bit easier when we're cleaning up from Shabbos. So are Sundays confusing as a teacher?

37:20 Speaker 4 Yeah.

37:22 Speaker 2 Yeah. So this is what I would say. Those of you who have cleaning help, consider having cleaning help on a Sunday. Um, have your systems in place for home where you do your Instacart order, obviously, 'cause no one goes shopping. You know what's coming, and you can do Instacart twice a week. You can do the beginning of the week, the end. You can do however many times you want, different stores, different things. You'd have your Instacart order. You'd know what your kids need. Clean out the backpacks, get the snacks ready for the week, whatever you need to do for home. And then with school, try and minimize what you would need to get done 'cause you've kind of gotten ahead already. But let's say you didn't 'cause you were busy with simchas all week. What is it that must get done, and how can I weave this in? "Kids, give me an hour, and then we'll go out." Or change the clock and get the younger kids to bed early and do it early. I don't know, but I think on Sunday, that's probably the day to get the most robust systems in place so that you're not kind of failing, as it were, in both areas. Um, and the last piece, before we open up for questions, would be a, a pretty good question in general, and very much more so for teachers: What do I do to prevent burnout? 'Cause just like a machine, something that's on the whole time isn't ideal. So

38:49 Speaker 2 I would say a couple of things. First of all, whether the school's behind the curve, whether the, um, whether your classroom's behind the curve, you know, you're not, you're not there yet, and the home, that laundry system, and the whole Instacart thing isn't quite there yet, look at yourself like you would look at your students and catch them doing things right. If you were... If you, one of your students was making mistakes, you'd be like, "You're making-- You're learning from this. Let's try it a different way." Be really kind. Take a leaf out of that research of women being tough on themselves and be, "I'm gonna take all year perfecting my dinners. I'm gonna take... I'm gonna start the process. I'm gonna learn things as I go along." And that way you're not in that loop. What's burnout? Burnout is just, "I can't." Burnout is just, "I don't have head space." So you definitely want to kind of be in that zone where you're okay not being okay, and there's-- and you'll keep on reevaluating: Where's that eighty percent that's really overwhelming? Keep looking at, "What's a system I could do to get out of this way? Who can I a-" Like, keep, keep asking, keep questioning, and lean in. Like, every time you make a mistake, and this is taking a book out of the positive psychology world, every time you make a mistake that bothers you, think of three things in that same area that you've done right. 'Cause we are not honest

40:12 Speaker 2 reporters. We would get our reporting license taken away from us for unfair whatever it is because our brains only notice, really notice, when things go wrong. But when things go right, it's not even a thing. Like, let's say the air conditioning was broken in this room. We'd all be like, "Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh." But, like, when it works, we're like, "Yeah, that's what air conditioning's there for." It's just, it's a given. It's a given. And that's the same in our own brains. When it's been a really good teaching day and when the oven goes off right, and we didn't poison the kids and all that, it's just a regular day. But when it goes wrong, it's like, "Reasons why she is an unfit mother," you know? "Reasons why she should not be..." And we don't want that. The Yetzer Hara doesn't. We don't want that. So be strict about the three-to-one rule 'cause it's accurate. We're all doing the best we can. Human, you know, humans trying to see where our shlichus is, trying to see where we can make a difference, trying to go the extra mile, but not at the expense of ourselves. But where is that extra mile, and how do we do that? So just to recap. If you can try to identify and get ahead of the curve, especially over the summer, where's that eighty percent of stress, and how can I see a different way around it? Don't worry, you'll take care of that eighty percent of

41:30 Speaker 2 stress, and a new one-- It's like Whac-A-Mole. A new one's gonna pop up. That's okay. That's okay. That's galus. That's what we've all signed up for. Teachers more so than others, but we've all signed up for that. Speak to your friends that are not teachers. It's the same. But try and think where your weakness is. Is this just how it is? Are you just gonna be chronically late forever, and it's just how it is? You're super creative. You underestimate how much time is. Your principal knows that's your strength and your weakness. Don't even work on it. It is what it is. You don't have to work against yourself. But what areas could you free up your own head space and use that head space for nurturing yourself? Go for that walk in the park that you've driven by, you know, for ten years and never gone for a walk by. How can you get closer to that place? That, that was the goal for today. So we now have fifteen minutes for questions, and the questions should be geared towards you guys taking care of yourselves, working smarter, getting ahead of the curve. That is where I, I want everyone to walk out of here with like, "I do like painting. I should paint," or whatever it is. Like, what, what is that? Okay. Questions.

42:44 Speaker 4 I have a comment.

42:45 Speaker 2 Mm-hmm.

42:46 Speaker 4 I once read an article that you wrote-

42:48 Speaker 2 Uh-oh

42:49 Speaker 4 ... and there's one line that I love, and I tell everybody, and they all love it. The line was, "Don't put it down, put it away."

42:57 Speaker 2 That's funny that you say that because in the other class, the woman said the same thing. So I-

43:03 Speaker 4 If it, if it takes less than two minutes to think about two minutes-

43:06 Speaker 2 Just do it.

43:07 Speaker 4 Yeah.

43:07 Speaker 2 Except that was before the WhatsApp world. So now, if we do things that just take two minutes, we've lost two days. You know, it's, it-- That's why I hate phones. Sorry. Don't put it down, put it away is such a good one. But just so you understand about life and productivity and why I mentioned the earth and the ground of acceptance, I said that to myself last week. I'm like, "Just put it-- Don't put it down, put it away." I wrote the book. So don't think it's linear. Don't think it's linear. We're always, always evolving. But that's interesting. Thank you. Yes.

43:37 Speaker 5 I guess I wanna ask about that. Like, I guess my personality, I have such a hard time doing it. Yeah, like my mind, like, "Oh, it's such a simple thing," but I, is there like tricks or something-

43:46 Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll give you a trick. I'll give you a trick. You're gonna be super kind to yourself because you're a teacher, and you'll say, "Until seven o'clock, I'm gonna put it away. Uh, at seven oh one, I'm putting it down."

43:56 Speaker 5 Mm-hmm.

43:56 Speaker 2 Because then you've still made a two-hour profit, and then you'll be like, it-- What happens after a while is it becomes second nature. By accident you put it away. Same as your-

44:06 Speaker 5 Oh, I love that. Yeah.

44:07 Speaker 2 Then you're free. You're like, "Finally." 'Cause think of all that responsibility. It's like, "No, I'm not putting it away."

44:13 Speaker 5 There's no-

44:13 Speaker 2 Okay. More questions, comments? Anything? Yes.

44:18 Speaker 5 Um, you mentioned before about keeping laundry, dinner, toys.

44:21 Speaker 2 Yes.

44:22 Speaker 5 Do you have like a place for that?

44:23 Speaker 2 Yes. Toys will expand to the space allotted. So when it-- Whether it's your classroom or whether it's your home, have your toys in an area that's easy for cleanup. Take off the lids if you can. Just make it easy. Make it second nature for the kids. We clean up, we put away. Your smaller toys or small pieces, put up high. That's like a library system. You want them, it comes down. Make it easier so that it's not on you. That's the same as your classroom probably. That's how it goes. This is the system. This is the-- These are the rules. Will the kids push back? Yes, that's what kids do, and that's what we did. That's fine. But there's safety in knowing I can push back at a boundary, and it stays in place. Yes.

45:09 Speaker 5 So I just wanted to say regarding burnout, so for me personally, I, I think going to Akins gives you a recharge tremendously, and it helps you with the tugging-

45:21 Speaker 2 Yes, I wish Hannah Rose was here to hear that. That's, that, that would make sense. That's beautiful. Yes, going to-- Using these opportunities to meet and greet others who are doing the same as you, that's beautiful, if you're an extrovert. People who are introverts are gonna get kind of overwhelmed by it. Everyone's so different.

45:37 Speaker 5 But you learn also where-

45:40 Speaker 2 Yes, it's true. What-- I've just learnt that no two-- It's rare to have two women that are the same. We're, we're, we're individuals. Yes.

45:50 Speaker 5 I just had a comment that I found in my house with toys, that less is more. So actually, just recently I went into my books and threw out a bunch and put some more, and all of a sudden everyone's reading books-

46:00 Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah. Less is more, and also once you've reached that less is more place, then it's one in, one out. So something new's coming in, "Okay, guys..." And you have classrooms. You can bring stuff to classrooms. You can sh- "Who should we share this with?" One in, one out. It-- My kids, it's just automatic, like when we get new-- It's just a cycle. Otherwise, when are you meant to organize this? So I don't want you organizing your house in the summer. I want you taking care of yourself in the summer.

46:25 Speaker 5 Another comment on, um, the... Yeah. I once worked with someone who's like last minute, and I am allergic to last minute. And I was always asking for advance, and she used to-- She was very good. She used to give me in advance. But then when it came to last minute, she changed her mind.

46:41 Speaker 2 Yes.

46:41 Speaker 5 And so I ended up just with a lot of wasted time-

46:44 Speaker 2 Yes

46:44 Speaker 5 ... and wasted money-

46:45 Speaker 2 Yes

46:45 Speaker 5 ... on supplies.

46:46 Speaker 2 That's super-

46:48 Speaker 5 So now-

46:48 Speaker 2 See, that is so hard when you're a planner, and the other person, they meant it with their heart when they told you, "We're gonna do this," but then they're in color war zone. That's how they work. Two days before they-- It comes alive. The adrenaline comes in, and they're like, "Actually, we're not gonna do with this. We're gonna do that." And I think, honestly, that's a conversation to have. Like, "I love you. I respect you. I love working with you. This one area is the working style. If you tell me a month ahead that it's gonna be this, and I plan that way, you can add onto it your piece, but I'm not responsible." And that's a nice boundary. That's a nice boundary. Yes.

47:27 Speaker 5 Can you talk to me about, um, a system for laundry other than ball rooms bed in one morning?

47:32 Speaker 2 Yes. I will talk about laundry for-- I like how you said two minutes. That's how I speak. "Could you speak for four minutes?" Yeah, I, I like that. By the way, I thank you for that doubly because I wanted to say, and I forgot, that I use a timer. So one thing I like about the phone-- Well, there's a few things that I like about phones. I can always say, "Hey, Siri, set timer for ten minutes," and I'll start doing something I really don't wanna do that I thought took about seventeen hours, and it actually takes eight minutes. So sometimes a timer can really help. Laundry. This is the rule for laundry. Number one, you're gonna buy Sock Locks for the socks. Otherwise, you're gonna be spending about five hundred dollars a year on throwing away socks. I would much rather that five hundred dollar fuel your hobby of choice. You can buy them on Amazon, Kingson Avenue. They lock the socks together. If you don't wanna Sock Your Locks, lock your socks. Get the kids to s- Like, every kid has a different style.

48:24 Speaker 5 They get locks and put, before you put them in-

48:26 Speaker 2 Yes. They have to learn... Yes. They, from two year or three years old, they can put their socks in there. Or... And again, just like I had the chicken revolt with one of my kids, I had a Sock Lock revolt. My youngest, "How do you get to change a system of a quarter of a century?" She's like, "Ma, I just can't do it." So I got her this thing that goes over the hook in the, in their bedroom. It's like a sock bag but like a cute one, and they go in there. So I have this revolution, revolt going on. Anyway, Sock Locks is how you save the money. Then you're going to do the laundry according to the room. The biggest sin with laundry is that it's the sorting. Everyone piles everything together, and I wrote this in my book from years ago. You just reminded me that this-- If you like to put all the laundry together, then do this the next time you go to the store. Back then, there wasn't Instacart. Go to the person behind you and in front of you when you're checking out and put everyone's groceries together. It's very simple. It's very quick. Put everything together. Then when you've checked everything out, take the time and energy to divide up who owes what and what goes into what bags. That is what you're doing when you pile every... It's one thing if you have boys and you wash eight white shirts, no problem. That can work. But

49:42 Speaker 2 everyone's clothes, you've just signed up for two hours of sorting. H- A, a crime. As a teacher, that's equally as bad as going to a store. It's right there. Terrible. Terrible thing. So you're gonna do per room. You might say, "Oh, but I have lights. I have darks." No problem. You'll do h- the lights of that room, the darks of that room. Yes, you might see shabads. You can wash the dresses on, on delicate, sure. But generally speaking, don't sort. That's the... And you might say, "But I like to be economical and not run a half load." I don't care. Couldn't care less. That is the least, that is least of the problems. Because otherwise, you're up to 2:00 in the morning. Oh, you save 27 cents. Horrible. You're now getting paid 13 cents an hour. Yes?

50:28 Speaker 5 Two loads per day.

50:30 Speaker 2 Two loads per day. Do, you can do t- all the towels together. Why? 'Cause towels you can identify. Towels, by the way, you can get different kids different colors so you know who drops what on the floor. Mm. My kids thought I was being nurturing giving them a color. Do that. It's gonna change everything. 'Cause it's not the laundry, it's the sorting. That's what we're not allowed to do. Okay, I'm glad that we ended with something practical. I am around. Thank you, ladies. I hope that you all have your new hobby being envisioned in your mind.

51:04 Speaker 6 Thank you for listening. Wishing you much hatzlacha in your vital shlichus.