The Rebbe’s Spiritual Explanation on Eishes Chayil

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to our weekly program, "Inside Story of Chabad in America," through the Mindel archives. At the end of this program I want to say something, since this week is the Kinus, so I want to say a vort that Rabbi Hodakov was speaking with Rabbi Mindel — what Rabbi Hodakov said in the week of the Kinus — I'll say it at the end of this program.

This program is a continuation of last week's program. Last week we mentioned that everything in the world has a body and has a soul. Shabbos also has a body and has a soul. The husband is called the soul, and the wife is called the body. So the wife, she starts Shabbos with lighting candles, and the husband — with Havdalah — he finishes Shabbos with the Havdalah candle.

She begins Shabbos — Shabbos begins with her. The Akeres Habayis — the way she conducts herself, lighting candles, the way she serves the Shabbos food, the way she dresses herself, the way she dresses the children — this brings Shalom Bayis to the husband, and this brings the brocha for the whole week. It starts with her. The husband is the head, and she is the neck — wherever the neck turns, that's where the head goes, as we learned last week in the Torah: whatever Sarah will tell you, listen to her voice — "shema b'kolah." She has a certain understanding.

And that's why, when it came to establishing the Torah's laws of a king, [the novi] was told to speak to the women first — because she will have an influence on the husband. And as the Rebbe once mentioned in a letter, it doesn't mean only that a kosher woman does the will of her husband, but he said that she gives her husband direction and guidance — this is called Akeres Habayis.

So Shabbos begins with her — the way she conducts herself, that's the way the family will be. So when we come home from shul on Shabbos, before Kiddush, we say Eishes Chayil. This is a continuation of [the theme of] "a woman of valor, who can find her — her value is far beyond pearls, the heart of her husband trusts in her" — and it ends with "sheker hachein v'hevel hayofi, isha yiras Hashem hi tis'halal" — grace is false and beauty is vain, a woman who fears Hashem, she shall be praised. This is the most important thing. So when we enter Shabbos we give tremendous praise to the wife and to the mother.

[Continuing Eishes Chayil] — she does good and not evil all the days of her life. She takes care of her home, her husband, her children. She is kind to the poor and to the needy. She speaks with wisdom, and with loving-kindness on her tongue. And the most important thing is that she is a God-fearing woman.

[The Rebbe] explains this in a deeper sense. Torah is like a bride to which the Jewish people are married — Torah is the wife and the Jew is the husband. [As the verse says] "batach bah lev ba'alah" — the Jew trusts in the Torah, and the Torah takes care of the Jew.

The Medrash mentions that when the Aibishter created the world, every day was given a mate: Sunday has Monday, Tuesday has Wednesday, Thursday has Friday — Shabbos is alone. So Shabbos complained, "I want a mate." So Hashem answered: "Your mate, your husband, is the Jewish people. Jews cannot be without Shabbos, just like Jews cannot be without Torah — so too they cannot be without Shabbos." Shabbos and a Yid are wed — that's why, even when they keep Shabbos, [Hashem] says "my child has to come in, we are married to him." That's what Shabbos means also — together, married.

This week['s parsha] we also have Avraham and Sarah. Avraham is the husband — [representing] the neshama — and Sarah is the guf. But as the Rebbe mentioned regarding [the passing of] Sarah — the guf — Sarah died in Kiryat Arba. Arba means four — the guf is made out of the four elements: fire, water, air, and dust. When these four are connected it becomes a guf. This is because the guf affords him more [enjoyment] in this world than anything else — so if the guf is weak, then the neshama can't accomplish what it's supposed to. And this is connected to this week's parsha.

So here, talking about Eishes Chayil, I want to say a word — maybe a couple of years ago I mentioned it, but it's a very interesting [concept]. I think [the verse] says, essentially, that the main thing is a woman who fears Hashem. So the Rebbe asks, in an English letter: Is beauty really nothing? First of all, the Gemara says that all Jewish women are beautiful, and besides, if beauty is nothing, [why does the Torah tell us that] Sarah was beautiful, Rivka was beautiful, Rochel was beautiful? If beauty is nothing, why does the Torah mention it? And not only that — the Rebbe mentioned that Esther Hamalka — the whole miracle of Purim happened because Esther was beautiful. So why do we say [that beauty is vain]?

He explains it like this: these three things — when they are done without their deeper meaning — [that's what "sheker hachein v'hevel hayofi" refers to]. He explains: it doesn't mean she doesn't light candles — we're not talking about women who don't light candles; she does light candles, but it's not important to her — she does it quickly because she has other things to do. [A God-fearing] woman loves lighting candles, and she closes her eyes and can ask for the best in the world for her family — but by the other woman, it's not that she does it faster, it's just that it's not important to her. That's called lighting candles without [depth].

Why does she have to bake challah? She could go to the store and buy challah — you still make a brocha on store-bought challah. But why does she have to bake it herself? Because she doesn't want to get involved with that, since she could just go and buy challah. Does she have to bake challah herself? Besides, the Rebbe never meant it that way — and besides, a lot of women take great delight in baking challah. But by this [other] woman, it's not that it's unimportant, but she doesn't realize the importance of having kosher children, healthy children, good children — as we've spoken about many times. She does it, but it's not complete [in its meaning].

When these three things are done without depth, then "beauty is nothing." Beauty is important, but beauty is important only if you also have the other kind of beauty. [Physical] beauty — today you're beautiful, you have a certain kind of look, and in ten years it changes — so it's nothing, it's only temporary. But when you have the real beauty, [the inner beauty], that's [true beauty].

So this is why, regarding Eishes Chayil, the most important thing is a woman who fears Hashem. And she was given these three mitzvos, because these three mitzvos involve separation: she brings in Shabbos — she makes the Havdalah, the separation between the weekdays and Shabbos, as soon as she lights candles. With challah — the whole home knows; she takes a piece of the dough, she makes a brocha, she takes from the dough and puts it into the fire, she makes the brocha. And with [taharas hamishpacha] — she separates; when it comes time to separate, she tells her husband, "now I have to separate." So the mitzvah of separation was given to her. And not only that — if you want to know whether a child is Jewish or not, it doesn't depend on the father, it depends on the mother. A child's Yiddishkeit comes through the mother. This is the entire task of a Jewish woman.

Now, I said before that I wanted to mention a word about the Kinus. You know, Rabbi Hodakov was the head of [the Shluchim office], and he used to discuss [things] with Rabbi Mindel many times when he came to Kingston [?], which I have written down, and maybe we'll mention it some other time. But one of the things I want to say that Rabbi Hodakov mentioned — this was around [the time of] the Kinus — I wrote this down, [so it's] not exactly how it happened, this is what he says. What is the ikar — the main thing — and what is not the ikar, what is the tofel?

When a shliach wakes up in the morning, he has to know one thing: what's the ikar and what's the tofel. An office is temporary; he has to have a Chabad house — it's important; he has to have a car; he has to have somewhere to go — yes, this is important. But he has to know: this is tofel, this is not the ikar. That's the lower level, that's the heel. He has to have it, but that's not the most important thing. He has to know, he has to think to himself — he writes here, I think, that at the Kinus [Rabbi Hodakov] even said: "How many people did you put on tefillin this year?" — you should worry about that more than how the Chabad house is going to look. It's important, it's important to have a [nice] Chabad house — but is that the most important thing? The important thing is what's happening inside the Chabad house — the mivtzoim — did you go out, how many did you bring in, how many people did you reach through this — this is the most important thing. This is what Rabbi Hodakov and Rabbi Mindel were discussing around that time, that he told [us].

So since today is [related to] the Kinus, I thought I would just mention this word — the discussion between Rabbi Mindel and Rabbi Hodakov about this. This is a vort from Rabbi Hodakov. So, with Hashem's help, next week we will continue our weekly program. Thank you.