The Exchange In Front of the Chosson and Kallah

Welcome to our weekly Thursday night program, The Inside Story of Chabad in America, through the Mindel Archives.

A few weeks ago, I saw in a magazine that a mashpia was asked, "Can the Rebbe make a mistake?" Seeing such a question reminded me of something that Rabbi Mindel told me, which he also wrote down. As has been mentioned, Rabbi Mindel, being a writer who documented things, recorded many interesting things that he saw and experienced with the Rebbe. This is one of the things, a very important thing, that he wrote down.

Rabbi Mindel used to go in to the Rebbe — we've spoken about this already — a few times a week for dictation. The Rebbe opened every letter that he received, and then he would answer it. Rabbi Mindel took it down in shorthand. It would take the Rebbe about a minute to read a letter — and these were sometimes very serious letters, matters of life and death — and the Rebbe would read it in a minute and answer.

Rabbi Mindel writes that one time, while taking dictation in the Rebbe's room, the Rebbe opened a letter and read it for longer than usual — maybe five minutes instead of one. Then he lifted his head toward Rabbi Mindel and smiled, and said — I'm reading this in English, though Rabbi Mindel wrote it down in Yiddish — "He writes to me with complaints. He has complaints against me."

What were the complaints? He wrote that when he was of the age to look for a shidduch, someone suggested a girl to him. He asked the Rebbe whether he should go out with her. The Rebbe answered, "You can see her." He went out with her, and then wrote back that everything about her was fine — all her qualities were good — but he wasn't attracted to her; there was no hamshochas halev (attraction of the heart). What should he do? The Rebbe told him to go out again.

Now, by the way, many bochurim write to the Rebbe that they have no hamshochas halev — sometimes the Rebbe tells them to stop, sometimes to go out once more — but here the Rebbe said to go out again. He went out again, and wrote again that he still had no hamshochas halev — everything about her was good, she was a nice person, but there was no attraction. This happened a third time, and the Rebbe again said to continue going out.

Now he writes to the Rebbe with complaints. He had gotten married to her — and the reason he married her was not because of hamshochas halev, which he still did not have, but because the Rebbe had told him several times to go out with her, so he felt the Rebbe wanted him to marry her. And now he was writing with complaints that he wanted to divorce.

So the Rebbe, telling this story to Rabbi Mindel, smiled and said, "Nu — what do you say?" And Rabbi Mindel, being a chossid of the Rebbe, did not answer. The Rebbe said again, "Nu," and still he did not answer.

Before telling what the Rebbe said next, this reminds me of a story about Rabbi Pekarsky, who was the Rosh Yeshiva of 770 and a great Rav — after Rabbi Dvorkin, the Rebbe appointed him as his agent to sell the chometz; I believe he became the Rebbe's Rav after that. He married off his daughter — or granddaughter — and after the chuppah, the mechutonim were standing together, and he was standing near the Rebbe's room, near what is called Gan Eden HaTachton.

The Rebbe came out — it was either Mincha or Maariv, I don't recall which — and said "Mazel tov," and then gave a dollar to the mechutonim, and a dollar to the kallah, but had not yet given one to the chosson. He turned to Rabbi Pekarsky and said, "I want to ask you — can a hedyot (a commoner) appoint a melech's shliach (a king's messenger)?" You see, when the Rebbe gives out dollars, he is appointing people as his shluchim to give tzedakah, so the Rebbe was jokingly calling himself a hedyot — can a hedyot appoint a king's shliach?

Rabbi Pekarsky did not answer. The Rebbe said "Nu" again, holding the dollar, and still he did not answer — in front of the Rebbe. So the Rebbe gave the chosson the dollar anyway. I only bring this out to show that in front of the Rebbe, certain things — especially when the Rebbe refers to himself as a hedyot — one does not respond.

Now let's get to the Rebbe's answer to Rabbi Mindel. The Rebbe said: "I don't understand it myself. The Tzemach Tzedek had a grandchild (an einekel), and the Tzemach Tzedek was mesadeir kiddushin for that grandchild, and after three months they divorced. The mechutonim came to the Tzemach Tzedek and said, 'You gave the brachos, you were mesadeir kiddushin, and now they're divorcing — what does this mean?'"

The Tzemach Tzedek answered the mechutonim: "Peti!" — meaning fool — and then he quoted, in Yiddish and I'll give it over as he wrote it down: "Dos vos shteyt, 'Meishiv chachamim achor v'da'atam yesakel' — geit es af undz? Dos geit af emese chachamim ken zayn — 'Meishiv chachamim achor v'da'atam yesakel' — iz vos fregstu?"

Meaning: "What it says, 'He turns wise men backward and makes their knowledge foolish' — does this apply to us? This can apply to true tzaddikim as well — 'He turns wise men backward and makes their knowledge foolish' — so what are you asking?" This is a posuk in Yeshayah, perek mem-dalet (44), posuk [unclear] — and it is also found in Gemara Gittin, daf nun-vav amud alef (56a), regarding Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai, which I won't go into now — you can look up the Gemara — and this is given as one of the reasons for the Churban Beis HaMikdash. So sometimes the Eibershter can make even chachamim foolish, so that their answer is not given the right way.

That's what the Rebbe said. Now let's go back to the original question: can a Rebbe make a mistake? The answer is no — a Rebbe can never make a mistake, because when a Rebbe speaks, it is the Shechinah medaberes mitoch gerono shel Moshe — it is God speaking through the mouth of Moshe. Divrei tzaddikim kayamim la'ad — that is the way God wants it to happen.

There's a story — I believe it was with the Rebbe Rashab — where his son asked him whether his father should travel somewhere by ship or plane, and something bad happened. The son had gone to the Rebbe Rashab beforehand, and the Rebbe Rashab said he should not go, but he went anyway. Afterward he came to the Rebbe Rashab and asked, "Why didn't you tell me what was going to happen? You only told me not to go — if you had told me what would happen, I would have listened." The Rebbe Rashab answered, "Believe me, I didn't know myself — but when we say something, you have to listen." That is what the Rebbe Rashab answered.

Now let me tell you the end of the story about the couple. That couple who did not have hamshochas halev — two and a half years later, it was machzir gerushaso: he wasn't married, she wasn't married, and he married her again. Now they have four children.

What's the lesson here? When the Rebbe says something, you have to listen. This couple had to go through this — he had to marry her, divorce her, and remarry her — in order to fulfill the mitzvah of machzir gerushaso. Sometimes the Rebbe gives a brocha for parnassah, and the person ends up with a different form of parnassah than expected. Does that mean the Rebbe was wrong? No — that is the way the Eibershter wanted it to happen, or perhaps it still will happen. But whatever the Rebbe says, the Rebbe cannot make a mistake, because that is the Shechinah speaking through the mouth of Moshe Rabbeinu — that is the Eibershter speaking.

This is the lesson we can take from this story. And the Rebbe tells us that we should all do what the Rebbe wants, and when we listen to what the Rebbe wants, we will be zoche to the geulah bimeheirah b'yameinu.

Next Thursday night we'll continue our weekly program. Thank you.