Educating Children for Shabbos - Rabbi Yosef Avraham Pizem shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You’re listening to “Lema’an Yishme’u,” a podcast from Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 Shabbos: reciting shnayim mikra ve’echad targum. We teach children to recite shnayim mikra ve’echad targum. Of course, in general, you can start at any age when the children are capable. But at age nine, you can tell a child, “All right, start reciting shnayim mikra ve’echad targum,” according to his ability. If he can, he should recite it all. If not, he should begin with the portion from Rishon through Shlishi, the next year from Rishon through Chamishi, and so on. Candle lighting. Girls light one Shabbos candle with a blessing once they reach the age of chinuch, and many begin teaching them at age three. We know that they can begin even earlier. They light only one candle until they marry. The mother lights two, the daughter one. They may light where their mother lights, but in a separate candlestick, of course, and they should light before their mother. Why before their mother? So their mother can help them, and also so they don’t fulfill their obligation through their mother’s lighting. This mitzvah applies even to younger girls, once they begin to speak, and so on. We should help them light, even if they aren’t yet three, and this brings light into the world. “If you safeguard the Shabbos lights, I will show you the lights of Tzion.” Girls customarily recite Shehecheyanu the first time they light, either by beginning to light on the eve of Yom Tov, when Shehecheyanu is recited, or by wearing a new garment. If it isn’t Yom Tov and the next Yom Tov is a long way off, the parents arrange for her to wear a new garment and recite Shehecheyanu both for the new garment and for the joy that now she is a big girl, lighting candles. She merits to be a faithful soldier in Tzivos Hashem. Kiddush. A boy or girl who understands what Kiddush is must be taught to listen to Kiddush. That is the Alter Rebbe’s ruling. Reciting Vayechulu. Even

02:45 Speaker 2 though he recited Vayechulu in shul, he must repeat it over the cup before Kiddush, to fulfill the obligation for his young children and other young members of his household who have not yet recited it. They didn’t go to shul; they didn’t recite Vayechulu. Let them hear Vayechulu. After that, he recites Borei Pri Hagafen and the blessing of Kiddush. If he forgot to recite Vayechulu before Kiddush, he should recite it over a cup during the meal. In other words, if he forgot Vayechulu before Kiddush, he should fill a cup with wine even in the middle of the meal, if that’s when he remembers, and recite Vayechulu. Okay, eating before Kiddush. A young child may be fed before Kiddush, whether at night or during the day, and one must not make the child suffer. Here too, it’s forbidden because it’s forbidden to make the child suffer. The child is not yet obligated. But let’s understand this today: if you’re strict where there’s no need to be strict, you cause a child to remember something holy and wonderful like Kiddush with distress, pain, and hatred. So no, don’t go overboard. A young child may be fed before Kiddush. If he’s hungry and pestering you, give him something. If he’s a little older, you can say, “Come on, try to wait until Kiddush.” But if he really, really wants to eat, many have the custom that a child who cannot wait until after Kiddush makes Kiddush himself over wine—pasteurized wine, of course, or grape juice—and then eats. But don’t make a situation where a child suffers for Kiddush. It isn’t good; it isn’t right. A child who fell asleep during Kiddush: if a child did not hear Kiddush at night, he does not have to make it up during the day; he fulfills his obligation with the daytime Kiddush. He didn’t hear it; he fell asleep during Kiddush. He’ll hear it tomorrow. Now, some other interesting laws relating to Shabbos and chinuch. The subject: giving a child a garment that makes noise on Shabbos. The Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch says in section 301, subsection 1: “Even

05:22 Speaker 2 when the bells are woven into their clothing, they must not walk around wearing them, even at home, unless the bells have no clappers. But if they have clappers made to produce a sound, it is forbidden to wear them on Shabbos, for it is forbidden to make the sound of a bell meant for a baby to rattle, even though here it is the child who makes the sound.” We are not commanded to stop a young child from violating Shabbos. Nevertheless, it is forbidden to give the child such a garment, with bells woven into it, so that he makes the bells ring. Why is it forbidden? Because it is like directly feeding him something forbidden. You’re giving him something that leads to a violation of Shabbos, so don’t give it to him. That is the halacha. So this, too, is a detail of chinuch. You might say, “He’s only a child; it’s not a big deal that the bells in his clothing make noise.” But unless the bells are silenced by removing their clappers, he should not wear it on Shabbos. Giving a child a cake with letters written on it. What about that on Shabbos? Well, we know that according to the Alter Rebbe, we don’t eat letters on Shabbos, whether they’re on cookies or cakes, including birthday cakes. So what do we do with a cake that has letters written on it to make a dear child happy for his birthday or another important occasion—and children love sweets? What do we do with it on Shabbos? There are letters on it. Here too, the Alter Rebbe rules, in his Shulchan Aruch, section 340, subsection 10: It is permitted on Shabbos to give a young child objects with which the child can perform a forbidden activity for his own purposes, even if one knows he will do so. For example, one may give a young child a cake with letters written on it, although eating it is forbidden on Shabbos. The Alter Rebbe says we don’t eat letters on Shabbos. Adults above the age of bar or bas mitzvah certainly may not; it’s forbidden. But even though the young child will certainly eat it, this is not something that he needs

08:04 Speaker 2 to be stopped from doing. Since his intention is to enjoy it himself, there is no need to stop him, as we discussed earlier. Just don’t have an adult put it into his mouth. Don’t do that. If the young child himself, unaware of this halacha, eats it for enjoyment, he has no intention at all of cutting up letters—of breaking apart letters. He doesn’t know; he may not even understand letters yet. He’s a little child. His intention is to enjoy it, not, chas veshalom, to perform a forbidden Shabbos activity. So we don’t need to stop him. But it’s different for an adult. We don’t give it to adults. We don’t eat written letters. And a child who is already older and knows this halacha may ask himself, “What, am I allowed to eat this?” No. All right, so he no longer eats the letters. Havdalah. A boy or girl who understands what Havdalah is must be taught to listen to Havdalah. The common custom is that even where Havdalah is recited in shul, each person repeats it at home to fulfill the obligation for the young members of his household who were not in shul. Even if everyone in the household heard Havdalah from the chazzan in shul, in places where Havdalah is recited there, he still makes Havdalah at home. Why? Because they have no intention at all of fulfilling their obligation through the Havdalah in shul. Why don’t they intend to fulfill it? This is the Alter Rebbe’s ruling in his Shulchan Aruch, section 296, subsection 17. Why don’t they intend to fulfill it? Here’s the situation; let’s picture it. There are places where the shul does indeed take responsibility for Havdalah, for the sake of someone who has no one to make Havdalah for him at home. So only someone who has no one to make Havdalah for him at home listens with the intention of fulfilling his obligation. In the case the Alter Rebbe is discussing here, everyone in the household was in shul. So what? So

10:28 Speaker 2 What were they doing? They’re used to not intending to fulfill their obligation, because they make Havdalah at home. So even if they all heard it, since they certainly didn’t intend to fulfill their obligation, the head of the household makes Havdalah for them at home. Now let’s ask a different question—a real-life situation. After Yom Kippur, they make Havdalah in shul and... break the fast. Many, many families make sure the whole family is already at shul, and the whole family hears Havdalah. Everyone fulfills their obligation and breaks the fast there, and then, of course, they don’t make Havdalah again. Again, it depends on the circumstances. Here’s another halachah we need to teach children: children old enough to be educated in mitzvos—six, maybe even nine—who fell asleep on Motzaei Shabbos and didn’t hear Havdalah. They’re asleep; are you going to wake them up now? They won’t get up. What do you do? The Alter Rebbe says in Shulchan Aruch Harav, section 299, paragraph 9, that the father is responsible for making sure they make Havdalah on Sunday morning over grape juice. They won’t say the blessing over the candle—that’s only on Motzaei Shabbos—or over the spices, which are also only for Motzaei Shabbos. But they will make Havdalah on Sunday morning over grape juice. They’ll actually make Havdalah themselves. The father needs to make sure of it, but we don’t need to wake them up. If they fell asleep, let them sleep. Another interesting point, on a related subject, about Jewish customs: eating before Havdalah when Tisha B’Av falls on a Sunday. A child who eats on Tisha B’Av, whether it falls on a Sunday or falls on Shabbos and is postponed to Sunday, may eat without making Havdalah. The child will hear Havdalah after Tisha B’Av, like everyone else. We educate children—we educate them to observe Jewish customs with the same care and seriousness with which we educate them to observe Torah and rabbinic mitzvos. This has a tremendous effect on their education. The Rebbe says that investing in education

13:36 Speaker 2 is not only about Torah or rabbinic mitzvos, but also about Jewish customs. It’s very important to put effort into instilling Jewish customs properly. Yes, to be careful about Jewish customs, and to teach children to observe them with enthusiasm, a sense of connection, longing, and care. Not just things prescribed by the Torah, and not just things prescribed by the Sages, but Jewish customs too. As parents and educators, we need to instill this in our students. We can’t say, “Well, it’s only a custom; it isn’t important.” No. It’s a custom, so we need to put in even more effort to bring out what makes the Jewish people different and unique among the nations. We have additional customs, and we observe them. Take hakafos, for example. It’s a custom; it isn’t written as a law. It isn’t a rabbinic mitzvah or a Torah mitzvah. But we do hakafos on Simchas Torah—it’s a Jewish custom. We cherish this custom, and we take part in all the practices of Simchas Torah with joy and wholeheartedness. On the contrary, devotion to a holy custom shows the strength of the holy soul, which seeks to bring Divine holiness into the world so that the world will be worthy and deserving of the true and complete Geulah.