Educating Children in Their Daily Schedule - Rabbi Yosef Avraham Pizem shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You are listening to the “Lemaan Yishme’u” podcast of Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 Now we’re going to go through a Jew’s daily routine, item by item, and see which things we need to be especially careful to instill in our children—things we don’t want to compromise on, and want to do well, so that they really become practiced and trained in them, but also love them and connect with them. That’s an art. We’ll all try our best. So let’s begin. Saying Modeh Ani. We say Modeh Ani with little children when they wake up, as soon as they begin to speak—from the moment they can talk. It is the custom of the Jewish people to teach a child to say the Modeh Ani printed in the siddur. And the custom is that even before a child begins to speak, when he cannot yet say it, his father or mother—whoever wakes him, or whoever sees him when he gets up—says it for him, on his behalf, and together with him as much as he can: “I thank You, living and eternal King, for You have mercifully restored my soul within me; great is Your faithfulness.” How to say Modeh Ani: We teach a young child that when saying Modeh Ani, he should place one hand over the other, bow his head slightly, and say Modeh Ani in that position. The Frierdiker Rebbe relates: “My father began educating me when I was still a little child. He watched over me attentively and used every means of guidance and education to develop my senses and intellectual abilities, and to instill good character traits and proper conduct in me.” What does a father think about? “When I was a little child and had only just begun to speak, my father told me, ‘Whatever you want to ask, ask only me.’ Then, when they taught me to say Modeh Ani, they instructed me to place one hand over the other, bow my head slightly, and say Modeh Ani in that position. When I grew a little older, I asked my father, the Rebbe Rashab, ‘Why do we have to do that?’ He told me, ‘Whatever we are instructed to do, we must do without asking why. But I did tell you to bring all your questions to me.’” Then my father, the Rebbe Rashab, called for the attendant Reb Yosef Mordechai, a man of about eighty, and asked him in my presence: “Yosef Mordechai, how do you say Modeh Ani in the morning?” “I place one hand over the other and bow my head,” answered Reb Yosef Mordechai. “But why?” my father asked him. “Why do you do that?” “I don’t know,” answered Reb Yosef Mordechai. “When I was a little boy, I was taught to do it that way.” “You see?” my father, the Rebbe Rashab, said to me, the Frierdiker Rebbe. “He does it because his father taught him to do it, and his father received it from his father, all the way back to Moshe Rabbeinu and Avraham Avinu, the first Jew in the world. We must do what we are told and observe it without asking why.” I felt embarrassed and said apologetically, “But I’m still only a little child.” “All Jews are little children,” my father answered me, “and when we grow up, we understand all the more that even as adults, we are really little children.” That is the end of their exchange. That’s a conversation between Rebbes. And what is the rule about a child eating before saying Modeh Ani? One must make sure that a young child does not eat anything before saying Modeh Ani. The Frierdiker Rebbe related—and this also appears in Sefer Hatoldos Admur Moharayatz, page four: “Once, my mother gave me a light breakfast. My father came into the room and asked my mother, ‘Did you say Modeh Ani with him?’ When I heard my father’s question, I burst into tears. ‘The child was hungry,’ my mother, the Rebbetzin, answered, ‘so I gave him a little milk and cake.’ ‘Did he not make a bracha on the cake and the milk? Did he make a bracha before Modeh Ani?’ my father asked. ‘The child,’ my mother answered, ‘is trembling with fear.’ ‘When someone eats before Modeh Ani without a bracha,’ my father said, ‘he ought to tremble.’ Without looking at me as I cried, he took me by the hand to his room and said to me, ‘How

03:15 Speaker 2 could you think of eating before Modeh Ani? Of eating without a bracha?’ My heart tightened inside me. I couldn’t answer a word. When I calmed down, my father said Modeh Ani with me. The practice was to stand straight, straighten one’s legs and tallis katan, bow slightly, and say Modeh Ani word by word.” So this is what we learn: We don’t eat before Modeh Ani, and when we do eat, we have to make a bracha. Of course, this applies as soon as a child is capable of saying Modeh Ani and capable of making a bracha, but that’s what we need to see to. A Jew’s daily routine: washing the hands in the morning. The practice: Our Sages instituted washing the hands with water every morning and reciting the bracha for washing the hands. The reason for this enactment is stated explicitly in the Zohar on Parshas Vayeishev and is also explained in the Gemara: to remove the spirit of impurity that rests on the hands. But why does a spirit of impurity rest on the hands? Because the holiness of the soul departs from a person’s body at night while he sleeps. Another reason is to sanctify oneself with the holiness of Hashem by pouring pure water from a vessel, like a kohen who sanctifies his hands at the basin. That is why our Sages instituted the bracha, “Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us concerning the washing of the hands.” The Talmud also warned about this spirit of impurity that rests on the hands, and said that it does not depart completely until one washes three times in alternating order: right hand, left hand, right hand, left hand, right hand, left hand. They also warned strongly not to touch, before washing, the eye, ear, nose, mouth, and so on. Nor should one touch the water in the basin prepared for the household’s handwashing, so as not to render it impure with one’s hands. Likewise, when washing from the vessel, one must be very careful not to touch the water inside it and render it impure, because water purifies the hands only when it is poured over them. All the more so, one must be very careful not to touch

06:12 Speaker 2 any food or drink before washing, so as not to render it impure. This applies to everyone, not only children. But let’s look at how this relates to children. For this reason, the custom has been to be lenient about what young children touch—children who have not yet reached the age of education. That is because the complete and principal entry of the holy soul into a person takes place at thirteen years and one day for a boy, and twelve years for a girl. That is why they then become obligated in Torah commandments, and why children then become bar mitzvah or bas mitzvah and accountable for their actions. The beginning of this holy soul’s entry, the G-dly soul, is through education in Torah and mitzvos, which our Sages obligated us to provide, primarily at ages three, four, or five, according to the different opinions. The mitzvah of bris milah, too, marks the beginning of the holy G-dly soul’s entry—the beginning of its revelation in a person’s body. Therefore, one who takes care about what a child touches from the day of his bris onward may already be called holy. So there is reason to be careful that a young child, whose hands have become impure, not touch water or food, even if he has not yet reached the age of education, simply because he has already had a bris milah. Here we have a very interesting account in Toldos HaBaal Shem Tov, a book about the Baal Shem Tov’s life, at the end of volume one. What we’ve quoted until now was from the Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch. Now listen to something from the Baal Shem Tov: an instruction he gave to a woman. The Baal Shem Tov instructed her to be a midwife. How would she earn her living? What would her mission in the world be? To be a midwife. She would care for poor women giving birth. “When boys are born,” the Baal Shem Tov told her, “be very careful that Shema be recited in their presence until the bris milah. Also make an effort—be careful, make sure—to give children sweets so that they will say Shema near the newborn. And from the bris onward, boys should wear a kippah. Don’t wait specifically until age three,

09:19 Speaker 2 Before washing one’s hands, one should not touch any food or drink, so as not to make it impure. This applies to everyone, not just children. But let’s look at how this relates to children. For this reason, the custom has been to be lenient about a young child touching food or drink—a child who has not yet reached the age of chinuch—because the full and primary entry of the holy soul into a person takes place at thirteen years and one day for a boy, and at twelve years for a girl. That is why they then become obligated in mitzvos by Torah law, and become bar mitzvah or bas mitzvah, subject to punishment for their actions. The beginning of the entry of this holy soul, the G-dly soul, is through education in Torah and mitzvos, which the Sages obligated us to provide. This begins mainly around the ages of three, four, or five, according to the different opinions. The mitzvah of bris milah, too, marks the beginning of the holy G-dly soul’s entry—its first revelation in the person’s body. Therefore, someone who is careful about what a child touches from the day of his bris onward may already be called holy. So there is reason to take care that a young child whose hands have become impure not touch water or food, even though he has not yet reached the age of chinuch, simply because he has already had a bris milah. We have a very interesting account here in Toldos HaBaal Shem Tov, a book about the Baal Shem Tov’s life, at the end of volume one. What we have quoted until now is from the Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch. Now, look at this from the Baal Shem Tov: an instruction he gave to a woman. The Baal Shem Tov instructed her to become a midwife. How would she earn a living? What would be her mission in the world? To be a midwife. She would care for poor women giving birth. When boys are born, the Baal Shem Tov told her, be very careful that until their bris milah, Shema is recited in their presence. Also make an effort—be careful, make sure—to give children sweets so that they will say Shema beside the newborn baby. And from the bris onward, the boys should wear a kippah. They should not necessarily wait until age three,

12:03 Speaker 2 The Baal Shem Tov said: a kippah from the bris, and care should be taken with washing hands in the morning. So there is the Baal Shem Tov’s instruction: from the bris, washing hands in the morning too. Don’t wait until the child is older. So from these teachings, we already understand at what age we need to introduce washing hands for little children and teach them not to touch things before washing, because that imparts impurity. In Toldos Levi Yitzchak, page 153, it is related in the name of the holy gaon and kabbalist Rabbi Levi Yitzchak Schneerson, the Rebbe’s father, that his wife, Rebbetzin Chana, would wash the hands of her infant son, the Rebbe, every time she nursed him. This was in accordance with a specific instruction from the Rebbe Rashab. Likewise, in How to Educate Our Children, volume 1, page 210, Rabbi Yosef Hartman writes: “I heard from the elder chassidim that one should be careful to wash an infant’s hands when he reaches the age at which he grabs bread and other food from the table. At that point, one must be careful about washing his hands.” To sum up when we begin taking care that a child not touch things before washing his hands: these are the words of the Alter Rebbe—one who takes care that a child does not touch things from the day of his bris onward shall be called holy. Some begin taking this care at a later age, but in any case, they make sure the child eats nothing before washing his hands, as we just quoted. As for walking four amos without washing hands: the custom is to teach children that even little ones should not walk four amos before washing their hands, but should wash them beside their beds. If a child wakes up in the middle of the night, while it is still night, we try to wash his hands, but we are not strict then about touching things or walking four amos, if it is the middle of the night and he has not gotten up for the morning. From here we’ll move on to the subject of children covering their heads.

14:47 Speaker 2 Let me preface this with something. We see it in educational institutions—in cheder, kindergarten, first grade and up. There is a bad habit that comes not from Chabad children, but in Chabad we accept all those who are suited to the level, the place, and the atmosphere of a Talmud Torah. We welcome them. I see habits they bring from other religious and charedi circles. I see children, sometimes even yeshiva students or seventh- and eighth-graders, who aren’t Chabad. You see them tuck their kippahs behind their ears. You see children from homes of G-d-fearing, observant people riding bicycles; their kippah might fall off, so they hold it in their hand. How is that permitted? I don’t know, I don’t know. But many people outside Chabad, as it were, aren’t strict about it. A child starts running a little, so he runs holding his kippah in his hand. What does it mean to walk four amos without a kippah? Where is the story of the printers of Slavita, who were beaten brutally—lashes that endangered their lives, terrible suffering—and when one of their kippahs fell off, he went back and refused to move forward until he picked it up, even though that meant receiving more and more lashes? We need to tell our children stories like that dramatically, so they touch their hearts, so they won’t learn from children who came from places where people are less careful about this. I really don’t know why they’re less careful. Because it’s clear: when you say, “We don’t walk four amos without a kippah,” you don’t play games with that. You don’t walk four amos without a kippah. Another thing, beyond that: I remember when we studied in Tzfas, Rabbi Levi Bistritzky, a"h, taught us a precise reading of the Alter Rebbe’s words. It implies that today, since the head is considered a part of the body that is covered, if someone has no kippah, it’s not only a problem of fear of Heaven and not

17:06 Speaker 2 only a problem of accepting the yoke of the Kingdom of Heaven. He has a problem of modesty, because this is a part of the body that is supposed to be covered, that people are accustomed to covering. That, too, should make those circles—where for some reason they haven’t managed to instill this in their children—take notice. There is no such thing as taking off your kippah. I don’t know what you’ll do, but don’t take off your kippah. We accept students like that, and I see our students gradually learning from them. I hear it happens in other places too, and in our school we try very, very hard. When I see a child do it once or twice and realize he has developed such a habit, I actually call him over and discuss it with him until he stops. We need to work on this. In short, covering the head is very important; it brings fear of Heaven, as we’ll soon hear. So, first of all, head covering applies to young children too. Not walking four amos with one’s head uncovered was an act of piety even in the days of our Sages, when most people would sometimes walk quite a distance bareheaded because it was hot in those days. But now, in our time, when everyone’s practice is always to cover their heads, the Alter Rebbe says it is forbidden to walk, or even just to sit, with one’s head uncovered, on grounds of modesty, because that exposes a part of the body normally covered. It is proper to cover young children’s heads too, especially in these countries, where non-Jews customarily shave their heads—uncover their heads. Who goes bareheaded? A non-Jew, specifically. Holy Jews are careful about this both out of fear of Heaven—remember that there is Someone above your head, Hakadosh Boruch Hu—and out of modesty. So someone who walks, or even sits, bareheaded like a non-Jew violates this and also the prohibition “You shall not follow their statutes.” And these days, it is so important to be careful about it. But if he puts his hand on his head

19:08 Speaker 2 to cover it, that is significant. It suffices for the basic requirement, provided he does not mention Hashem’s name. To mention Hashem’s name, it has to be someone else’s hand, not his own. As the Rebbe Rashab explains in the Chanukah maamar Tanu Rabbanan, one part of the body does not cover another part of the same body. Your hand is yours, so it does not count as a covering for your head, because it is yours. Someone else’s hand does. But at least put a hand on the head so as not to cast off the yoke of the Kingdom of Heaven. We have to uproot this terrible habit, which is gradually beginning to enter even among Chabad children sometimes, if they know many friends or neighbors who behave differently. It affects their fear of Heaven. That is the most dangerous thing. Be careful about covering the head. When should a young child begin covering his head? Certainly a little boy’s head should be covered from age three, and many start earlier, as we mentioned before. Sleeping with a kippah: you see, we teach children to sleep with a kippah on their heads. Here I can also give you a golden tip. It’s clear that in Chabad we are careful about this. I’ve seen somewhat different practices in other circles, where the mother teaches her child to fold his kippah neatly so it won’t get creased, and he sleeps without it. In Chabad, we are careful that fear of Heaven should be present both awake and asleep. Our Sages say that a person is always liable for damage, whether awake or asleep, so he should have a kippah on even while sleeping. What can you do so the boy’s kippah doesn’t fall off? There’s a very simple solution. Buy him a kippah two sizes larger than the one he wears every day, for nighttime. It won’t fall off, it won’t fall off. You don’t need anything special that covers his whole head. A kippah two sizes larger than the one he normally wears during the day won’t fall off.

21:25 Speaker 2 They always said that if a kippah falls off someone’s head at night, it’s a sign that there’s room to grow in yiras Shamayim. And there were, and still are, outstanding Temimim whose kippah would never fall off in the middle of the night; if it did, they would simply wake up. That’s yiras Shamayim that shakes the very core of the soul. Not a single second without a kippah. It has to sink in. But to make this practical, the sleeping kippah should be large—two sizes larger than the one a person, or a child, wears every day. Then it will be fine; it won’t fall off. The age of modest dress. The obligation of modest dress begins, gently, of course, at age three. Until age three, we don’t intervene in how a boy or girl is dressed. From age three, we do. And until age six, a girl may sing in front of men without concern. We see that there is leniency on this point. So my feeling is this: as long as the girl isn’t uncomfortable, dress her modestly even at age two. Dress her like a Jewish girl. Why dress a girl like a non-Jewish girl? She’s only little—so what? What happened? What does it gain us? If it isn’t practical—there’s the issue of cleanliness, changing diapers, or whatever—fine. Until age three, there’s no halachic problem. But really, let’s dress a Jewish girl like a Jewish girl, and a Jewish boy like a Jewish boy, as soon as we can. From age three, we certainly need to be particular about a girl’s dress. As for girls singing, it says here that they may do so until age six. But I also see this as something that can vary from child to child. If a girl feels it isn’t appropriate or modest, and she’s used to being told it isn’t modest, if

23:31 Speaker 2 she understands that, if she already feels that something about it is strange, then she shouldn’t do it. Even though, according to the strict letter of the law, it’s still permitted until age six. All right, girls in the women’s section. There is an established practice, with the agreement of leading Torah authorities, for even young girls to come with their fathers into the shul, not only into the women’s section, even after age three, as long as they haven’t yet reached the stage at which this distinction matters to them. And the Rebbe speaks favorably of the practice. See Toras Menachem 5749, volume 1, page 39. There was a period when the Rebbe established this matter of—well, Vaad Hamosifin. Yes, Vaad Hamosifin should continue in every place, and where it doesn’t exist, it should be established. No question; it can only bring blessing. But there was a meeting of senior shluchim in Vaad Hamosifin. They sent its conclusions to all the shluchim at the time. I saw it too; I received it. It contained a proposal to forbid bringing young girls into the shul, because, as they said, even a little girl—a girl who has grown a bit—is like a little woman, so to speak. If you say that women should not be seen in the men’s area during davening, then, they said, perhaps this isn’t appropriate either. It sounds a little extreme, but they put it forward, and it was fairly well accepted: it would be a special stringency of Vaad Hamosifin that girls would be only in the women’s section. Of course, her mother would need to be there, but in the women’s section. And then the Rebbe addressed it, and tempered that position. Not to that extent. Girls can enter the shul. When not? When they reach the age at which their mothers understand that they need to teach them not to wander around where the men are. Once they reach the age when they are taught not to wander among men—adult men or

25:37 Speaker 2 boys—then they really shouldn’t go into the men’s section of the shul, but should be in the women’s section. That’s how the Rebbe tempered it, because simply being in a holy place brings in holiness and yiras Shamayim. So there’s no need to go looking for stringencies that aren’t necessary. But we see that, from an educational standpoint, it’s important to accustom a daughter, once she reaches that age, not to wander among boys and adult men. So she should enter only the women’s section, like adult women. The morning brachos. What is the custom? From the day a child turns three, the custom has been to be particular about accustoming him to the morning brachos. Where is that written? In Hayom Yom for 4 Iyar. When can you begin teaching a child to say, “Blessed are You, Hashem, our G-d, King of the universe, Who spreads the earth over the waters”? When do you start introducing it bit by bit, getting them used to it, letting them hear it? It says here that from the day he turns three, the custom has been to be particular about it. It is a hiddur, an extra level of observance, but we all want to observe things carefully and accustom a child to the morning brachos. The Rebbe explains in a sicha in Toras Menachem 5752 that from age three this hiddur is essential. But obviously, even before that, even before age three, it is worthwhile to be particular about it, depending on the child’s development. Not all children are the same at age three. Some can barely say a few words, and some don’t stop talking at age two. Those who are more developed—or let’s put it this way, I won’t say “more developed”; they’ve just developed faster in this respect—should be accustomed to it even earlier. He talks? Great, let him talk. Let him bless Hakadosh Boruch Hu with the morning brachos, say, “Thank You, Hashem.” The blessings over Torah: we are especially careful to say the blessings over Torah with children. As soon as it’s possible,

27:50 Speaker 2 we teach them to say the blessings over Torah. Wearing a tallis katan. A child who knows how to wrap himself in a tallis—for example, he knows to place two corners in front of him and two behind him, and knows to hold the tzitzis in his hand during Shema, as is customary—he can do it, he knows how, he’s already playing at it. He sees others doing it and wants to as well. His father is obligated to buy him a four-cornered garment and attach tzitzis to it, to educate him in the mitzvos. The Alter Rebbe says to be careful: once he is wearing a four-cornered garment, certainly don’t dress him in one without tzitzis. At what age do we begin educating a child to wear a tallis katan—our tzitzis? So, the age of obligation: a child who has reached the age for education in the mitzvah of tzitzis, meaning that he is nine years old. That’s the halachic definition of having reached the age for education in this mitzvah. Why nine? Because at that age he can walk through the marketplace on his own wearing his tallis, and no one needs to watch it to make sure he doesn’t lose it. He doesn’t lose it anymore; he’s big, he’s nine. And see below what is cited from the Alter Rebbe’s siddur regarding the required size of a tallis katan. It implies that education in wearing tzitzis already begins at age six. So right now we have one view saying age nine, and another saying, essentially, age six. What is the age followed in practice? Hayom Yom for 4 Iyar says: “From the day he turns three, the custom has been to be particular about accustoming the child to a tallis katan.” So that is the Rebbe’s final instruction on what to do. At age three, the custom has been to be particular about accustoming the child to a tallis katan. And a tallis katan means a kosher tallis katan—it’s important to know that. Not something approximate, as if he’s wearing a tallis katan. No. A tallis katan is a kosher garment. That’s education. Additional customs. In the general will the Rebbe Rashab wrote before his passing, he wrote: “And when he begins

30:35 Speaker 2 “Once the child can walk on his own, dress him in tzitzis.” That is what the Rebbe Rashab writes in Igros Kodesh of the Rebbe Rashab, volume 2, pages 901b and 902. The age of three mentioned above means that from age three, it is clearly appropriate to be especially careful about this. But of course, it is worthwhile to do so even earlier. In other words, not only at nine, not only at six, and not only at three—there is reason to be especially careful about it before then, too. Once you see that it is already relevant, that he is beginning to talk a little and starting to walk on his own, go ahead and be especially careful about tzitzis. The size of a tallis katan: Although for an adult, one needs a tallis katan two amos long, which is about half a meter, approximately, for children who have reached the age of chinuch—that is, from age six to thirteen—one may be lenient and rely on those who hold that a garment is obligated in tzitzis if it measures just one amah by one amah. In other words, half a meter by half a meter, or even a little less, yes. A wool tallis: The practice is to train a child to wear a tallis katan made of wool, teaching him to perform the mitzvah in the best way. Some parents may find that a little daunting, but that is the practice. With us, once a child can keep himself clean and no longer soils his pants, whether a little or a lot, we already train him to wear a wool tallis. If he starts crying or finds it uncomfortable, I don’t know, we’ll take his feelings into account a little. But in principle, once he feels like a big boy, so to speak, and knows how to keep his clothes clean, the tallis katan should be made of wool. And today it is easier to manage, because in the... well, in cold weather it certainly does no harm. And in hot weather, we try to stay in air-conditioned places, so it is not so terrible. But it is important to teach him to perform the mitzvah in the best way. Now, sleeping in a tallis katan: The practice is to train young children

33:11 Speaker 2 to sleep in a tallis katan, yes. But one should make sure to change the child’s tallis katan in the morning before he recites the blessing over the tzitzis, so that he has one tallis katan for the morning, over which he says the blessing, and another for the night. Why change it? So that he can say the blessing over it. He then remains dressed in it until the following morning, when he changes it again. After the fact, if he did not change his tzitzis and slept in them, he should not say the blessing over them unless he took them off to bathe. There is a story about the Rebbe that appears in the book Verabim Heishiv Me’avon. A Jewish man was with the Rebbe in yechidus, and the Rebbe told him to think about a tallis. The Rebbe also hinted to him about a situation in which someone might have a heart attack, and the doctors would consider his recovery nothing short of the resurrection of the dead. The Rebbe told him, “I won’t be impressed if they say it’s the resurrection of the dead. So what?” In the end, when that man arrived in Hong Kong, he suddenly suffered a severe heart attack, a cardiac arrest. And when he regained consciousness... his wife informed the Rebbe. She called the Rebbe; it was by telephone. The Rebbe answered, “Surely he remembers what we discussed then: sleeping in a tallis katan. At any rate, he should be careful about it from now on.” The man remembered that he had not been careful about it; he had not understood that it was quite so important. The Rebbe had also explained to him that tzitzis have thirty-two threads, the numerical value of the word lev, “heart.” He remembered thinking that was very nice, but he had not realized that being careful about tzitzis—and sleeping in tzitzis—could protect the health of one’s heart. In fact, the man recovered and was careful about it for the rest of his life. He may still be alive; may he be healthy. Many years have passed since this story. He made sure to wear a tallis katan at all times, on ordinary days and on vacation, when he was

35:34 Speaker 2 awake and when he was asleep. So there you have it: a fine wool tallis, worn day and night, provides protection and safeguards a person’s heart. A blessing over a tallis katan that does not meet the required size, because it is too small: A child says the blessing over a tallis katan even when it is not large enough for an adult to fulfill the obligation with it. Although it does not meet the required size for an adult, the child may say the blessing over it. Tefillin, putting on tefillin: At what age do we teach a child to put on tefillin? Here is the rule: If a child knows how to keep his tefillin in a state of purity and treat them with respect—as the halachah puts it, not to pass gas while wearing them, not to fall asleep in them, and not to enter the bathroom with them by mistake—and he already understands what tefillin are, that they are holy and inspire respect and an inner feeling in him, then his father is obligated to buy him tefillin to train him in the mitzvah. Nowadays, the general practice is to teach a child to put on tefillin two or three months before his bar mitzvah. The Chabad custom is two months beforehand. As for Rabbeinu Tam tefillin, one begins with those two months beforehand as well. In practice, one begins putting on tefillin two months before the bar mitzvah, initially without a blessing. After a few weeks, once he has had practice and puts them on correctly—performing the mitzvah precisely, with the proper intent and feeling, and taking proper care of the tefillin—he begins to say the blessing. This applies to both Rashi and Rabbeinu Tam tefillin. Our Rebbeim began putting on tefillin on their eleventh birthdays. They were already putting on tefillin from age eleven. What is the rule about teaching a young child to say the first verse of Shema? Well, when a child begins to speak, his father teaches him the first verse of Shema: “Hear, O Israel, Hashem is our G-d, Hashem is One.” The custom is to say with young boys and girls not only “Hear, O Israel” and “Blessed be the name,”

38:22 Speaker 2 but also the first paragraph of Shema, even if they have not yet reached the age of chinuch. These are such fundamental principles of Judaism that we try to impress them on a young child’s soul as soon as we can. Teaching a child to say Shema at the proper time, with the blessings of Shema: When we teach a child to say Shema as soon as he begins to speak, it is not because of the obligation of chinuch, but because of the profound, fundamental matter of accepting the yoke of Heaven. So at that stage, we teach him to say Shema itself, but do not yet insist that he say it specifically at the proper time. Nor do we insist that he say the blessings of Shema and then, within those blessings, recite Shema and its paragraphs. The obligation to teach him to say Shema at its proper time, with its blessings, begins only when he reaches the age of chinuch, at six or seven, as with the other mitzvos. Some say that even when he has reached the age of chinuch, his father was not required to train him in Shema and its blessings, because the child is not usually with him at the time for the evening Shema, and is asleep in the morning. It is proper to follow the first opinion. In other words, yes, we should teach him to say Shema with its blessings and at the proper time from age six or seven. He is already capable of keeping to those times, too. Mezuzah: We emphasize in every Jewish home that little children should kiss the mezuzah on the doorway of their room before going to sleep. It is not just, “Kinderlach, go to sleep,” not just telling the children it is bedtime. They should kiss the mezuzah. The best way is to set a personal example. If you kiss the mezuzah before going to sleep, your children will kiss it too. But they should kiss the mezuzah on the doorway of their room before going to sleep, for the mezuzah contains the words, “Hear, O Israel, Hashem is our G-d, Hashem is One.” This impresses upon them that Hashem is One, and that He protects them and everything in their room. As it says in the holy Zohar, the mezuzah protects everyone in the home, even when they leave their home. And there is

41:06 Speaker 2 We have a wonderful sicha of the Rebbe here, from Toras Menachem, 5747, volume 2, page 647. It’s a must-listen. In recent generations, even non-Jewish medical experts have come to agree that things a baby sees and hears, even on the day he is born, affect him when he grows up. But this is already brought in the Torah, and also in books of Chassidus, books about nature, and medical books. That is why, in every Jewish home, care is taken that babies kiss the mezuzah on the doorpost of their room before going to sleep. It contains the words, “Hear, O Israel, Hashem is our G-d, Hashem is One,” and through this it becomes engraved in them that Hashem, Who is One, watches over them and everything in their room. As it says in the Zohar, the mezuzah protects everyone who lives in the home even when they leave it. Yes, from an educational perspective, it is very important that your child kiss the mezuzah before going to sleep. Shema before bed for children: From the age of three, it has been customary to teach children to say the bedtime Shema. Even before that, you say “Shema Yisroel,” you say something, but afterward you add more passages: Shema Yisroel, Hamapil, and so on. Another passage, and another, and another. The point is that from age three there is an obligation to teach them this, but you can begin earlier, too. It has also been customary to recite the bedtime Shema for babies who are not yet being taught to say it themselves. In other words, you say it—say, you recite the Shema, perhaps even a little out loud so the child hears it. And when he gets a little older, when he turns three—or even earlier—we begin teaching him to say it himself. But even before that, we recite the Shema on his behalf and let him hear it. The soul understands. From age nine, children are accustomed not to sleep on their stomachs or their backs, but

43:32 Speaker 2 on their sides. And this is a very important practice: to sleep not on the stomach or the back, but on one’s side. Very important. It is written that whoever says something in the name of the person who said it brings Geulah to the world. In this series—this series on a Jewish child’s daily routine, on teaching a Jewish child a daily routine—the foundation, the backbone of the entire series is the book Mishnas Hachinuch. It brings together topics in children’s education from a halachic perspective, with halachic guidance. We build the content and order of what we say around this book, adding things here and there. So the book deserves praise, and it is worth having it within reach of parents and educators. Every parent is an educator.