Rabbi Peretz Chen - The truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth! Not always..

00:00 Hello, hello. In today’s class we’ll talk about deception and lying, and how they relate to vacation. Why? Because vacation brings lots and lots of situations that can lead us parents to bend the truth a little, to cut corners. Why? Because the children want so many things. They have endless requests, and we make them promises to calm them down. Right now, we’re making far more promises than we do in our ordinary routine. We find ourselves having promised, said and committed to things, but we don’t always have the time, the headspace or even the money for everything we promised them. So what do we do? Can we cut corners, or can’t we? This past Motzaei Shabbos, my eight-year-old son came to me and said, “Dad, remember what you promised me? Dad, do what you promised me. Dad, you know you’re not allowed to lie.” On Friday I’d promised to do something for him on Motzaei Shabbos, because he wanted it on Friday and I didn’t have time. I was busy with all the preparations for Shabbos. And yes, I thought—I hoped—he’d forget about it by Motzaei Shabbos, but he hadn’t forgotten at all. He came to me, and I was a little amazed that he remembered it right after Shabbos. “Dad, remember? You promised.” So what do we do with that? What do we do in these situations? Can we sometimes cut corners with them, or what? What’s the right thing to do? So, by way of introduction, let’s take a moment to delve into the world of lying and deception. The world was created, and after six days, on the sixth day of Creation, Hakadosh Boruch Hu formed Adam, then Chava, and then came the sin of the Tree of Knowledge. In that sin, the cunning snake used deception and lies to get Chava to take from the Tree of Knowledge. He lied to her; he deceived

02:03 her, and the damage he did then damaged the entire world. To this day, there are consequences from the damage caused by the sin of the Tree of Knowledge. So the damage to the world began through deception. Chassidus explains that the world’s repair will also come through deception. Yaakov Avinu, the father of the twelve tribes, the father of the entire Jewish people, was named Yaakov because of cunning and deception. After all, he took the blessings from his brother Esav in a way that seemed less than straightforward—a kind of deception. Of course, there are explanations of how he did it properly and did not lie: when he said, “I am Esav,” he meant, “I am Yaakov; Esav is your firstborn,” and there are various other explanations. But it happened in an unusual way, a way that seemed somewhat roundabout. And why? Yaakov was named for that cunning. Chassidus explains that we, too, need to use deception today in our service of Hashem. It’s no coincidence that even after Yaakov received the name Yisroel, the name Yaakov was still used. When Avraham Avinu, who was originally called Avram, became Avraham, the name Avram disappeared; it was no longer used. When Sarah, who was originally called Sarai, became Sarah, the name Sarai disappeared. But when Yaakov became Yisroel, he was still called Yaakov. Why? Because that cunning, that deception, has meaning. There’s a need for it. We need to use it in our service of Hashem today. What does that mean? Chassidus explains: a Jew goes to eat lunch. He eats potatoes and meat, drinks a Coke, and enjoys his meal. Now the yetzer hara sees this and says to himself, “How wonderful! I can’t stand it when he davens. I can’t stand it when he goes to a Torah class. But when he eats, that’s what I enjoy. If only he would eat meat every day, become more absorbed in physical things and thoroughly enjoy the pleasures of this world. If only that’s what he’d spend all his time doing.” That’s what our yetzer hara says to himself. Then a Jew comes along and deceives him. How? I eat the most delicious lunch in the world, with a cold Coke, but I ask myself: Why am I eating this? Of course, I say a bracha before and after, but why am I eating it? I’m eating so I’ll have the strength to serve Hashem—so that when I go to Maariv this evening, I’ll have the strength for it. I’ll go to a Torah class, and I’ll go feeling settled because I’m full, because I ate a good meal. And that’s how I outsmart the yetzer hara. I seem to be doing things that make him happy. He even lets me, because he likes seeing me occupied with this rather than with holiness. But then I suddenly introduce a twist: I take it all in the direction of holiness, of serving Hashem. I go to work, and the yetzer hara says to himself, “There, good! Hasn’t he driven me crazy enough with his davening? At least he’s finally left shul and gone to work.” But at work, I work like a Jew. I don’t cheat; I do everything according to the rules of halacha. And why do I work? What’s my deeper purpose? So I can earn money, give tzedakah, support my family with dignity, and raise my children to Torah, mitzvos and good deeds. If I have money, I have the means to do these things. And then, in effect, I’m deceiving the yetzer hara. He was happy

04:24 To a Torah class. He can’t stand it, but when I eat, that’s his delight. If only I’d eat meat every day, become more materialistic, and thoroughly enjoy the pleasures of this world. If only I’d spend all my time on that. That’s what our yetzer hara says to itself. Then a Jew comes along and tricks it. How? I eat the most delicious lunch in the world, with a cold Coke, but I ask myself: Why am I eating this? Of course I make a blessing before and after, but why am I eating it? I’m eating it so I’ll have the strength to serve Hashem—so that this evening I’ll have the strength to go to Maariv. I’ll go to a Torah class, and I’ll go feeling relaxed because I’m full, because I ate a good meal. And that’s how I outsmart the yetzer hara. I seem to be doing things that make it happy. It even lets me, because it likes that I’m occupied with this and not with holiness. But then I suddenly introduce a twist: I take everything in the direction of holiness, in the direction of serving Hashem. I leave for work, and the yetzer hara says to itself, “There, great, great. What, was I already going crazy with all that davening? At least he’s left shul and gone to work.” But at work, I work like a Jew. I don’t cheat; I do everything according to the rules of halachah. And why do I work? What’s my underlying purpose? So that I’ll earn money and be able to give tzedakah, support my family with dignity, and raise my children to Torah, mitzvos, and good deeds. If I have money, I have the means to do those things. And then, then I’m actually tricking the yetzer hara. It’s happy

06:01 because he thought I was doing it all for this world, for its concerns and pleasures. But what do I do? I pull a trick on him and turn it all toward holiness. That’s how we outsmart the yetzer hara, and that’s the name Yaakov. That is positive cunning and deception. Chassidus explains: if the damage to the world began through deception—through the sin of the Tree of Knowledge, which came about through the snake’s deception—then its repair will also come through deception, but positive deception. We take these things and use them to serve Hashem, for Hakadosh Boruch Hu. The yetzer hara thinks we’re on his side, occupied with things that make him happy, and suddenly we bring holiness into them. That confuses him completely. He has no idea what’s happening. There was once a chossid named Reb Yekusiel Liepler. He was a major timber merchant, worth a great deal of money, and he was also a great chossid. Once he was in the forest, working out his accounts—his profits, expenses and income. Presumably, as he did that, the yetzer hara was delighted. “Good, good, good! Instead of being immersed in davening and Torah study, this chossid is immersed in timber, money and material things.” Then, as the chossid wrote out his accounts, he wrote, “Total”—meaning the sum of it all. Suddenly he said to himself, “Total? Wait—what’s the total?” And then he said, “The total is: There is nothing besides Him. That’s the true total.” I’m sure the yetzer hara fell off his chair at that moment. He’d been fooled. He thought the chossid was occupied with his concerns—money and material things—but the chossid’s mind was elsewhere. So that’s the point. We need, then, to use

08:09 Through cunning. There is a lot of good in cunning, and many proper, positive ways to use it. But alongside that important and true explanation, when it comes to our children, I saw a letter just this past Shabbos in which the Rebbe writes that we must tell children the truth. If we think we won’t be able to follow through on what we want to tell them, we shouldn’t say it. It’s very, very important to tell the truth. And if we’ve promised something, we need to keep our promise. Why? Because if our children lose trust in us, they may also lose trust in everything we represent to them, including the essential things we want and expect of them. They won’t believe what we tell them or be as willing to accept things from us, because they’ll have grown accustomed, G-d forbid, to us not speaking the truth. So we must use positive cunning, as we discussed earlier, in our service of Hashem. We are the Jewish people, the children of Yaakov: Yaakov, using cleverness and positive cunning against the yetzer hara. But when it comes to educating our children, to the children at home, we should tell the truth and try as much as possible not to make promises lightly. We shouldn’t say to them, as some people do, “I promised, I promised; I didn’t promise to keep it.” That sort of thing is unacceptable when it comes to children. It causes them to lose trust in us. So that’s our task: to speak to them with complete honesty. That, and only that, will strengthen their trust in us, our connection with them, and their sense of security with us. And how important that is. Dear parents, I wish you success. Thank you very much to everyone who asked questions yesterday in our class’s WhatsApp group. They were good, important questions, and I received many responses too. The questions and the points that came up were genuinely helpful. You have a great deal of influence. And of course, if any of you feel that this idea has given you some direction,

10:18 a thought, something to reflect on, then let’s make sure these ideas reach more and more people. How do we do that? Simply give a like, leave a comment, and share it. That will help the platform spread these ideas further. May we hear good news and have nachas from our children. May we merit, with Hashem’s help, the complete Geulah very soon, and the resurrection of the dead. May we meet again with all the holy souls who were taken from us recently. May we merit, with Hashem’s help, to see all the hostages return, and may all the soldiers and everyone else be healthy and safe very soon. Thank you very much. Much, much nachas. All the best, and have an enjoyable and worthwhile vacation. Goodbye.