Rabbi Peretz Chen | The Rabbi who saw the lost vessels of the Beis Hamikdash

00:00 In 5689, 1929, King Vittorio Emanuele III of Italy made a special royal visit to Tripoli, Libya. As part of the visit, the king went to see the Jewish community and the city’s magnificent synagogue, one of several dozen synagogues in Tripoli at the time. They welcomed him warmly. The rabbi went up to the bimah, they opened the aron kodesh, and the king saw the beautiful Torah scrolls. There he was greeted by the elderly rabbi of the community, Rabbi Yitzchak Chai Boukobza, who was already eighty years old. The rabbi welcomed the king very graciously, and the king was deeply impressed by him. The king said to the rabbi, “I would be very happy if you would honor me by coming to Italy, because my daughter is getting married soon.” The rabbi said, “But at my advanced age, the journey would be difficult for me.” So the king said, “I will put the royal ship at your disposal to take you from Libya to Italy,” and the rabbi agreed. The rabbi came to the wedding, which was, of course, an impressive occasion, and his presence made the king very happy. The day after the wedding, the king met with the rabbi again. They spoke, and then the king said, “I want to give you a gift.” The rabbi said, “Thank you very much, Your Majesty. I really don’t need anything. Thank you for the thought, thank you for everything, but there truly is no need.” But the king insisted. The rabbi said to the king, “You know what, Your Majesty? I have one request. I want to enter the Vatican vaults and see the vessels of the Beis Hamikdash. People say they are there. The Gemara says they are there.” The king said, “The truth is, the Vatican is outside my jurisdiction.” He tried to suggest other things, but he saw that the only thing the rabbi wanted was that visit there.

02:18 So the king said to the rabbi, “I’ll look into it.” The king contacted the pope, explained how important it was to him, and the pope agreed. The very next day, the rabbi went for a visit. He arrived with his students. While the students waited outside, one of the Vatican attendants took the rabbi down to the vaults. There, the attendant drew aside a curtain, and the rabbi saw the vessels of the Beis Hamikdash. The rabbi looked and said to the attendant, “That’s enough. Let’s go. I’ve seen enough.” The rabbi could not bear to look any longer at what he had seen there. They went outside, and the students described how the rabbi emerged with a radiant face. But the rabbi returned home and observed a forty-day vow of silence. After forty days, the rabbi passed away. In one of his books, the rabbi wrote, “I saw enough. I saw too much there.” It is a moving story, especially during these days of Bein Hameitzarim, when we speak about the Beis Hamikdash—and here are its vessels, still there. According to the rabbi’s testimony, and as it also says in the Gemara. This story has a message for how we raise our children at home. If we take a moment to examine it, there are really two things here. First, we see the rabbi’s tremendous longing to see the vessels of the Beis Hamikdash. His motive was certainly holy, spiritual and pure: a desire to come closer to Hashem, a desire to see powerful holiness with his own eyes. That was what the rabbi wanted. In the past, some people searched for the vessels of the Beis Hamikdash out of curiosity, or even for financial reasons, because they are worth a great deal of money. If someone found a vessel from the Beis Hamikdash, he could sell it for an enormous amount. It is probably priceless. But the rabbi’s motive was a holy, spiritual and pure desire for spiritual growth. It came from a deep longing, a spiritual yearning.

04:30 But in the end, we saw how deeply it affected the rabbi. The rabbi was moved, but he said, “I saw too much,” because apparently the time for us to see the vessels of the Beis Hamikdash is when it is meant to happen—when the Beis Hamikdash is built. May it happen right now. May Moshiach come and may we see the vessels of the Beis Hamikdash even before this video reaches you. But it will happen at its proper time. In other words, everything in life has its time. And the message for us at home is that there are many things we desperately want to happen. We yearn for them deeply. Come on, let it happen already! Let us see it in our child! And that comes from positive motives. Parents want the very best for their child. They want him to progress, they want her to progress, and they want their children to do things properly. But the fact is, we can want many things, yet everything has its own time and its proper measure. I want to talk today about one point. Sometimes one of the children at home is very, very stubborn, and that stubbornness looks like something negative to us. Already at age two, the child is stubborn. He stands his ground, insists on having this and refuses that, and it develops over the years. The stubbornness grows around more significant things, and we don’t understand: Why does it upset us? Why are they so stubborn? First of all, there is also something good in stubbornness. It, too, comes from a kind of longing, an inner drive. Why? It comes from an inner drive for independence, a desire for personal expression, to begin forming his own opinions. There is something very, very valuable in a child’s stubborn behavior. That is how he will grow into a person who knows how to stand up for himself, who knows what he wants and works to achieve it. He does not give up until he

06:28 gets what he wants. If only we would not give up until we achieved the things that matter to us. That is something remarkable that comes from that same stubbornness. Of course, it needs to be regulated. So, first of all, there is something to this drive behind children’s stubborn behavior. It comes from deep within the soul, from an inner place that wants independence and personal expression, and that is a wonderful quality. When will it become regulated? As we said, everything has its time. Wait—little by little. These are processes in life. Life is a process. Things take time. It is not here and now; it will happen in its time. What is required of us as parents to help with that stubbornness, so that it is expressed in the right way and to the right degree? There are several things we need to do. First, when we remain calm in the face of that stubbornness—when we stay calm—we show the child that we have said something, and although he does not want to accept it and is being stubborn, the boundary remains. Again, his behavior comes from a desire for personal expression, but he still has to follow the rules and boundaries. So his refusal is not acceptable, but we will stand our ground calmly. This is what we said, and we will say it only once. But this is what we said. He is sitting in the car and does not want to put on his seat belt. He refuses; he insists. Instead of turning to threats, shouting and anger: “We are not driving until you put on your seat belt.” That is all. His natural desire for independence will remain with him. It will not be lost, but he will also learn that there are limits. There are boundaries, and the parents decide what those boundaries are. That way, we will also remain calmer. And we gave the instruction only once, and now we do not... We wait. Of course, if we woke up late in the morning and this will make us late for work, then we will find the situations where

08:38 We should handle it in a way that they won’t get hurt either. Because no, it isn’t good to be late for work and get myself into trouble, but that’s the point; that’s the approach. When we do things that we know they’re usually stubborn about and don’t go along with us on, we should involve them in doing those things. When you involve someone in an activity, they’re the happiest person in the world. At home, we made dinner—we had a barbecue with the kids—and my daughter really, really wanted to turn the... the hot dogs on the grill. It wasn’t easy for me to let her do it. I wanted them to come out right; maybe she’d burn them. But I let her. After we ate, she said, “That was the most fun I’ve ever had at a barbecue.” Why did she say that? Because she took part. It could have been a situation where she wanted to do it, and if she insisted, I would tell her no. But once she took part, first, she was calm, and second, when I told her I would do other things myself, she went along with me. She went along with me because she was a partner in the activity itself, in the task, in the whole thing. So she was more willing to go along. It reduced stubbornness about things that didn’t really matter. So, to sum up: this tendency toward stubbornness in children—the behavior, rather—comes from a good place, from a deep inner desire, a longing for independence, for self-expression, to build their own personalities. But it needs to be regulated. That takes time; it takes patience. It’s a process in which we remain calm and try to say each thing once. They’ll understand that when we say something, we mean it, and we won’t do it for them. And if they haven’t done it, then things afterward

10:35 won’t happen because they haven’t done it. But we said it once, knowing that once is enough—more than enough. We’ll involve them in what we’re doing, and of course encourage them. Encouragement of all kinds is always good. That way, their inner drive will get the right guidance until it develops in a healthy, balanced way. Actually, all this also connects, through Divine Providence, to the weekly parsha, Parshas Matos: “to the heads of the tribes.” The beginning of the parsha discusses the annulment of vows. And what’s interesting is: who are the “heads of the matos”? They’re the heads of the tribes. Sometimes the tribes are called shevatim, and sometimes they’re called matos. What’s the difference between a shevet and a mateh? A shevet is a branch still attached to the tree, so it’s softer. You can bend it because it has moisture, freshness, energy from the tree. A mateh is when the branch has been broken off from the tree. It dries out and becomes a staff, something hard. A staff is hard; you can’t bend it anymore. So it’s very fitting that Parshas Matos, which speaks of hardness, falls now, during Bein Hametzarim, because this is a difficult period for the Jewish people. But Chassidus explains that although a staff is hard, there’s something very positive about it, too. What is that? Exile is like a staff, as we said. Exile is hard: we don’t see the light of G-dliness in it. When the Beis Hamikdash stood, people saw G-dliness, they saw spirituality; everything was much more pleasant and gentle. Now everything is hard and dry, and we don’t see holiness. That’s the staff, and that’s the difficulty. But the staff carries another message: during exile, we ourselves need to be hard. What does “hard” mean? To be steadfast, not to be shaken,

12:45 not to be deterred; to show self-sacrifice, to go beyond what’s expected, to be stubborn when it comes to holiness. So is a staff good or bad? Is hardness good or bad? Both. There’s a negative kind of hardness, where everything is hard and dry and you don’t see holiness or spirituality. On the other hand, there’s something wonderful about being firm in your convictions in a positive way: not being swayed by what people say, doing what you know is right, living by your faith even when the people around you speak differently. That’s positive firmness, and there are both sides to everything. The same is true of our children’s stubbornness. We usually think of stubbornness as something negative, but it comes from a positive place. As we said, it comes from their deep personal desire for self-expression, to develop their own personalities. What’s required of us is patience. We need to work with it gradually so that their good kind of stubbornness finds the right balance. So that longing needs to be there, and it is there: their longing for self-expression is what comes out as stubbornness. But we need to know that balancing it takes patience. And this is all inspired by Rabbi Bukobza, who had that stubbornness. For him, it was a longing—a longing to see holiness, to see spirituality. But apparently, there isn’t time for everything. Well, there is a time for everything. That’s why he later said, “I saw too much.” When will we be able to see the rest? When Moshiach comes, we’ll see it as we should. So, dear parents, may we, with Hashem’s help, merit to give our children the very best. Let’s recognize that the things that seem difficult in them—stubbornness and the like—are part of inner processes taking place for their healthy growth. We need patience. We need to do our part, try to do what’s needed, and things will become balanced and move in a direction

14:49 that’s only good and positive. If what I’ve said resonates with you, please respond to the class—leave a comment, a like, or share it. That helps spread the class further. May we, with Hashem’s help, merit blessing and success, and may we soon merit the complete Geulah. May the soldiers be healthy and safe. May the hostages return, and may the Jewish people receive great blessing. Thank you very much. Good news, and all the best.