איך חוגגים יום הולדת?

00:01 Happy birthday. Thank you very much. I'd like to give a to every member of the Iggres shias in person and those who listen remotely. And if you'd like a personalized , you can send me a WhatsApp message, and I will send you one back. But that's my general one for all of the attendees of the shiur. Beautiful. Let's do this. This is Iggres, and today is my birthday. And in honor of my birthday, today's Iggres Shiur is going to be about birthdays. Uh, this was, uh, advice given to me last night at the Farbrengen, and I think it's a pretty good one. Uh, always talk about timely things. The truth is, it's also timely to talk about birthdays today anyway, if you know how to read between the lines of today's Hayom Yom. Today's Hayom Yom is all about a chassid's first yechidas, and a chassid's first yechidas is shayach to their, to their birthday, uh, as our Rebbe explained that the first time a chassid has yechidas, that's like his birthday. So, uh, today is a good day for birthdays in general. I know you probably know most of the halachas regarding birthday, that the Rebbe makes birthday a big deal, that the Rebbe sort of was the first to make birthdays cool again, especially among the general public. That's not what we're gonna do today. What we're going to do today is we're gonna look at specific birthday halachas. We're gonna look at specific instructions for the birthday. We are going to go

01:11 through the list that the Rebbe published or that was published as a collection from the Rebbe's works of actual things that you're supposed to do on your birthday, but I'm gonna spend most of our time looking at things you might not have seen before, halachas that are a little more surprising in Iggres. I am reporting to you live today from the aisle, so if my internet cuts out, would somebody please, like, wave wildly and let me know so I don't just talk to nobody? Uh, Sruly, that's your job. You're in charge of waving wildly if I cut out. Okay? Okay. Oh, he's waving wildly. I'm gone. Okay. Uh, the first letter we're looking at today is label- is labeled the Dalet Hey Beis. It is from Beis Chut of Tamuz tes zayin. And the reason why I wanted to show you this letter from the Tamuz tes zayin, that would be, what, nineteen sixty-seven, is, uh, it's as far as I know, the first time the Rebbe instructed that birthday halachas be put into print. Uh, the Rebbe- Fifty-seven. Fifty-seven. Excuse me. Did I say sixty-seven? Fifty-seven. Uh, this is the first time as far as I know the Rebbe instructed these halachas be put into print. Um, even before fifty-seven, as we'll see in some of these letter, letters that are dated earlier, the Rebbe was sort of surprised when people suggested they didn't know about the Rebbe's birthday minhag and what he wanted us to do. But this is the first time as

02:11 far as I can tell that he instructed to be put in writing. So we have here the Iggres is the, the, the label is Dalet Hey Beis Tamuz tes zayin. And, uh, it says down here in the excuse me, I, I missed a line. Where are we? Uh, in response to the question that many people are asking, that people wanna know what the new customs are, the recent Anash customs are regarding birthdays. Um, so he says that we are now putting this, uh, uh, a paragraph from a letter that the Rebbe sent regarding birthdays and, uh, from the Maskir saying that this should be publicized as such as the Rebbe's basic halachas for birthdays. So people are asking, here's one paragraph says this-- says the Maskir, says the Maskirus that captures the Rebbe shiur on birthdays. Let's see the letter that was meant to capture the idea. It is regarding his birthday, We're gonna see that lashon a lot. I'm even gonna show you one letter that specifically has it, that the Rebbe frequently calls birthdays the mineg Anash bizman ha'achron, the recent mineg of Anash, which was recently instituted by the Rebbe. But the recent institute of Anash . So the first thing is that they should make sure to get an aliyah. If their birthday falls on a day where the Torah is read in public, get an aliyah on that day, and if not, then to get it the Shabbos before. Now, as far as I know, the halacha has been you

03:35 get it the Shabbos before regardless and also on your birthday. That's not exactly what this letter said. but that is the way that it's done. Shabbos before you get an aliyah and then also on your birthday if your birthday falls on that day. if your birthday falls on Shabbos or on Yom Tov, you have to give tzedakah the day before. But it's a day for increase in tzedakah. We're going to see some of that in some of the specific letters. And that's a really important point because something that I think we usually forget is that we get very caught up in customs and sometimes forget that we're also supposed to spend money on poor people. So, uh, i- in-- as, as passionate as everybody is about getting an aliyah the Shabbos before their birthdays, they should be at least, I think, probably twice as passionate about giving tzedakah shaknes and mincha on the day of their birthday. In addition to chitas, which everybody has to do automatically, and ramam, which nowadays everybody has to do automatically, there should be an additional shiur limud. So if you don't learn at all during the day, I guess shame on you, but you should do once. If you normally have one seder during the day, on the day of your birthday, you should have two, et cetera, et cetera, in addition to chitas. Uh, this is the takanah of the this idea of chitas. these, these, these, these shiur-- these things should all be learned on the day

04:46 of the birthday. So this is the general letter that as of the year nineteen fifty-six, nineteen fifty-seven was being publicized of the Rebbe's overall halacha regarding the birthday aliyah on the Shabbos before, giving tzedakah before shaknes and mincha, and making sure to learn extra Torah in addition to chitas on the day of the birthday. I pulled this letter just to show you another example of-- I'm telling you, it's like every letter. This one's from Tamuz lamed alef. The letter is labeled Yud Taf Alef. And here the Rebbe opens by saying, even in the lameds, the Rebbe is still saying that certainly you're keeping the custom of Anash of the yom Iyyar tes and the zman achron that has happened in recent times. So this is, this is always called, called the recent custom of a birthday. Going on to our next letter. Letter is Alef Tav Tav Tzadik Tes, and this is from Yud Alef Menachem Av of Tamuz Yud Gimel. This is before the Rebbe publicized, uh, for the first time basic halachas regarding the birthday. And here the Rebbe writes to a bocher. Mar- Marcheshvan. Yeah, Marcheshvan. What did I say? Menachem Av. Menachem Av? Oh, he writes Marcheshvan. That kind of day. I'm not reading the first part, so I'm going to the second paragraph. Regarding your birthday, which was from-- regarding the letter you wrote to me for your birthday, which should come upon you which is coming in good time. on the day that is-- on the day that has

06:01 Kriyas Hatorah closest to it, you should get an aliyah. This is also not exactly what people do. You know, if your birthday is Tuesday, you don't get an aliyah on Monday. Usually, you get it the Shabbos before. But in any event, the same you should say the entire Sefer Tehillim. We're going to see other cases where the Rebbe said to learn at least-- to say at least one book of Tehillim, but ideally the entire Sefer Tehillim on your birthday It is in the Hayomim for, for Yud Aleph Nissan, which is the Rebbe's birthday. The Hayomim there does have some basic instructions which are in the Rebbe quotes from the other letter, Biemu, lettuce on the birthday. Alon lehisbaded, a person should spend time alone. V'al ales hafen lehisbaded, lehisbaded beham, and they should bring to mind and think about, uh, the, the things that tzukim tikkun b'chuvah yasuv v'tikun. Anything that needs help and anything that needs a fix and anything that doesn't need a fix, you should do chuvah, and you should return and fix those mistakes. So a person is supposed to spend time alone on their birthday, maybe not their entire birthday alone, but it's not a day to be constantly surrounded by people. Um, that's why I'm hiding out over here. It's a day to be alone, and it's a day to think about the things that require repair and things that require chuvah. Okay, can you wait five minutes? Okay. They're using a leaf blower next to me. Don't worry,

07:03 we'll be fine. V'ales hafen lehisbaded tzukim tikkun b'chuvah yasuv v'tikun. Mikaklei ez it again is beddil, so a person should take at least some seconds for being alone. Asher b'regaiva eilu yomim eizeh ma'amar shel daat. B'kav achlat hatevah ash nasah v'alun l'ratevah. During that time, a person should also spend some time learning a ma'amar chassidis. That's another thing that we have that's sort of new here from our letters that we've seen. B'kav achlat hatevah ash nasah v'alun l'ratevah. They should accept a new achlata, a new resolution for the coming year. Should tzukim liyes ve'erta, and it should be a achlata, it should be a resolution that makes sense for you. It shouldn't be a reach. It should be something that makes sense given your madrega. Heiner inu chulatif peh et hamatin l'seder hayeshiva. In this case, he's talking to a bachur, so he says it should be first of all, lifey lifey. It should be something you can manage. And second of all, it has to fit into the seder hayeshiva. You can't make your achlata that you're going to break seder by going on some adventure of spirituality. Pniya kad ha'chater v'yirsh mayim, and it should be a resolution that is tied to Torah and fear of heaven. Your resolution should probably not be to lose ten pounds unless you're gonna tell me that that's ush markah med li nachchei seham, and I don't think it is. Uh, bottom line, it should be in Torah and yirsh mayim. Biuchli seiaz mezemim machpir shalam, and

08:03 it's a good idea to consult with your mashpia when trying to decide what your birthday achlata should be. So we have a lot of heiros in here that I think are not necessarily trafficked all that often. And, uh, this last bit is just interesting for us because we had a shiur a while ago on Rebbe Nu Cham, and we talked about that in the early years, um, it was regular for the Rebbe to tell people not to put on Rebbe Nu Cham immediately upon Bar Mitzvah. This person's writing to the Rebbe, the Rebbe says, "V'geleh l'sheilas v'al nefsh filin d'Rebbe Nu Cham." They asked me whether it's time to put on Rebbe Nu Cham filin yet if you're old enough. Hini le'ezata dai sh'u dai ma asaf daas v'al nafsh filin d'raki. For now, it would be good if you just stop being distracted by wearing filin d'raki. You're not ready for Rebbe Nu Cham. In any event, going on to our next letter. Our next letter is Beis Reish Peh Vav. It's from Kes Elo of Kavshin Yud Gimel, and the Rebbe writes, Shalum Ubracha. I'm responding to the letter where you told me that your birthday is coming up. Betach nidum l'seder yomo lettuce, certainly you know the seder yomo lettuce. V'eli l'Torah yishken aliya, misina tzedakah ken atvila yishken tzedakah before davening. If it falls on Shabbos, you have to do it the day before. U'limin hachazarat ha'slaf b'davening b'mechtari and to chazar ma'amar ha'chassidis in public to tell not to-- remember

09:02 from our prior letter we saw you have to learn more chassidis. Now we have our-- for our first time, the only time I've seen it so far, of mem-- of chazaring chassidis in public, if possible. V'geleh eilu sh'chaf v'daz efene. This one I haven't seen anywhere except for this letter, so this one's very cool. I also haven't seen this in the lists of birthday heiros. This one's totally out of left field. He says, "Those who merited to see the Friedik Rebbe's holy face," and of course, in our generation this applies to anybody who merited to see the Rebbe's holy fa-face. Hini matim lamuta b'yom yam yodal efes v'risped v'chaled time machzar b'mefetei achas yachidis mashia shalom asher anilayi vach kaplim v'teir afse. It would make sense to take some time alone to picture in their mind the yachidis that they had with the Friedik Rebbe, to picture the Friedik Rebbe's holy face, and then-- and what the Friedik Rebbe said to him, and afterwards to learn something from his Torah. And of course, that applies naturally to anybody who saw the Rebbe's holy face and remembers something that the Rebbe said to him, that on his birthday is a time to seclude himself, recall what the Rebbe looks like, recall what the Rebbe said to him, and also to learn something from the Rebbe's Torah. And then the Rebbe gives a bracha. One more regular letter, and then I'm gonna show you a sifha and a couple of instructions, and then one last letter. This

10:01 letter is labeled Yud Beis Nun. It's from Kes Zayin Shat of Kav Shin Lamed Zayin. And here the Rebbe writes to a woman, Bracha Uchalem. And the Rebbe says to her, uh, "Betach yit iskayim in hagai yomo lettuce, certainly you're going to keep all the customs of the birthday, misina tzedakah, liwat mizmor teilim matim, and learning, giving tzedakah, and learning your teilim that lines up with your years, and from there you will succeed." And by the way, he's writing to a very young girl. He's writing to a girl who has just turned, uh, fourteen years old. The letter below it is to a girl even younger. This girl has just turned, um, nine years old. So in these two letters, the Rebbe writes the same things to women. And by the way, we're gonna mention this, but it's the case that the Rebbe does not distinguish when it comes to birthday heiros between men and women. The heiros are the same for both men and women. And, uh, even for very young girls, the Rebbe's writing to them saying that they should, um, that they should not just say their teilim, but on their birthday they should learn the teilim that corresponds to their day, not just say it, meaning learning it inside, presumably with some commentaries. And the last thing that I wanna show you is, uh, a sifha. Or one of the last things I wanna show you is a sifha. This is in Peresh Menachem. He's Vadiyos. You'll find this in Kav

10:58 Shin Mem Heh, Chelek Beis, page four sixty-one. It's Muga, and the place I'm finding it is in Shulchan Menachem, which is just a great way to find things quickly. This is in Shulchan Menachem. It's printed in our Chaim Sinim Chin Dun test, Min HaGai Yemo Lettuce. And there's a very interesting sifha here. We're gonna read the sifha inside. It's on your screen. V'geleh kel, practically speaking, V'al salah heshim min hamgev, we are adding a new minhag. V'gash livan hagai yemo lettuce. Now, the Rebbe's saying this in nineteen eighty-five. He's already been pushing it for a while, but in this sifha he says, "I want this to be a well-established custom, and I'm giving you more specific instructions than we've had up until now." He says, "The Friedik Rebbe had already publicized in public that there should be something special about a birthday, and that in previous generations it was only known to Yichidis Hagdol. It used to be that only a tzadik celebrated his birthday, but now, as of the Friedik Rebbe, already we've been instructed that even tzadikim are supposed to do something special on their birthday. And the v'chein nagol, the custom has been to increase in giving tzedakah before Shabbos and at Mincha, and if the birthday falls on Shabbos or Yom Tov, to give it in advance, and a gashnal shir in liwat hateirah, in Miglah, and in Chassidis." And this is sort of coming out of those earlier letters, and now we're seeing it solidifying into one sifha. Gadul l'katan,

11:54 uh, fitting, um, um, um, apropos of this It would be appropriate, very appropriate to publicize the minhag among all the Jewish people. It's not just for the Lubavitchers, it's for everybody. that everybody on their birthday should be increasing in Torah, tefillah, and in tzedakah. Torah, prayer, and charity. because these are the three things that the world stands on, starting from the which is a person. So they're also the three things that keep you upright are Torah, tefillah, and tzedakah. In addition to that, and they also should make a havranah, a happy havranah. along with the members of their household, also with their friends and their loved ones. So that when they take on positive resolutions, of course, on their birthdays, it will be in a way of simcha. So it looks like the achlas are supposed to be after havranah because after havranah is a time of simcha, so the achlas will be taken on the simcha as well. that will give additional simcha and chayas into the achlas base. Here the Rebbe says, "I want to clarify, this is for everybody." It's for anashim, it's for nashim, it's for taf, it's for men, women, and children. and for very small children, one-year-olds, two-year-olds who can't do this, their parents are expected to do it for them. and once your children understand, they really have to get into it. that, uh, given that the Rebbe's saying here that all of the birthday customs are meant to be done by parents for their children, the, uh,

13:16 that would include chazarat hayomar. Uh, that would include making a havranah and taking on good achlas. And I've never seen any reason not to believe that a parent is obligated for their small children who are not ready to do it yet to chazarat hayomar on their child's birthday, take on achlas on their child's birthday, et cetera, et cetera. I'm gonna show you a letter in a second that strongly implies that. But just to keep in the back of your head, this is not a once-a-year thing. This is a if-you-have-children. It's an every-time-you-have-a-child's-birthday thing until they're old enough to do it themselves. I'm so-- I'm emphasizing this when it comes to children is that especially when it comes to small children, they get very excited about things. They spread the word better than anybody. They tell everybody else what they've been up to. So it's very important that children get involved in this. Uh, Toiras Menachem was kind enough to collect from Toiras Menachem of Tuv Chin-- Chilul Menachem, excuse me, collected from Toiras Menachem, Tuv Chin number ten, page one-sixty, the Rebbe edited a list of ten things a person's supposed to do on their birthday. This is the list that's edited by the Rebbe. I wanna run through it very quickly because it's important to know what these are as long as we keep on talking about it. We've seen the letters that built it up. We've seen the sifra that led to it. Here's the Rebbe's final list as of the mems on

14:21 the ten things that must be done on the birthday according to the minhag the new custom of the Rebbe. Number one, on the Shabbos before the Yom HaMilada, and if the Yom HaMilada falls on a weekday, uh, then has also a on that day. Second of all, to increase in tzedakah for Shabbos and Milada, and also if the birthday falls on Shabbos or Yom Tov, to give tzedakah beforehand. To increase in tefillah, the kavana for tefillah, that is to daven better and to daven with better kavana on your birthday, to have and also to say the entire Sefer Tehillim or at least one Sefer of Tehillim. So this means increase kavana by tefillah. Four, to learn the new Mizmor of Tehillim, uh, of Tehillim, that is to learn the new psalm, the commentaries, to understand what the words are that you'll be saying for the coming year. Difficulty here? Yeah, I have a leaf blower next to me. Number four-- We, we heard number four. Number four should be that you are going to learn your new Tehillim that is shy after your birthday, uh, that matches up with the, with the, uh, with the number of your-- of the year that you're up to. That is one year, one year of Tehillim greater than your birthday. So if you are hypothetically thirty-five, it has Tehillim thirty-six. Hypothetically, of course. It's my birthday, if I haven't mentioned that twenty-five times. Number five, that is increase. Make sure there's one more Seder today in nigleh and

15:30 in chassidus in addition to the shiurim that you've set aside already, which includes Tanya, of course, and Shir Yomi of Rambam, 'cause by this time we had the Tekanah of Rambam. Number six, to learn a maamar chassidus Baal Peh, some of it or all of it. The Rebbe is not saying you have to learn the whole maamar Baal Peh. You can chaze some of the maamar inside, but at least part of it is supposed to be said Baal Peh. It's supposed to be said by heart. you should get a group of people together and review it in front of all of them on the day of the birthday itself or at the first opportunity, and the best is to do it in the Shabbos following. A lot of people actually have this backwards. They think that they're supposed to chaze the maamar the Shabbos before their birthday. The Seder is that you get an aliyah the Shabbos before your birthday, and you chaze the maamar the Shabbos after your birthday or on the day of your birthday itself, if you can get a group of people together for that. Entry number seven, that is to increase one good thing with another person. that is spreading the Torah of Chassidus in a way of ahavas Yisrael. This is something that we haven't seen in any of the letters, and that is to have a positive effect on somebody specifically in the spreading of Chassidus on this day. Number eight, this is all the things that we

16:34 mentioned in the Hayomim, that in the Hayomim to spend some time alone thinking about the things in your life that need to be repaired, the teshuva that you might need to do, and then repairing those things and taking on good resolutions. Entry number nine, to take on an extra zechirah or an extra hidur. It would be of course, one that makes sense, Rebbe. We saw that in the letter. Just like on Rosh Hashanah, you're supposed to be taking on a new achlas. And finally, point number ten, to organize a joyous havranah with members of your house, your friends, and your close ones. to give praise and thanks to Hashem. If possible, make shehakianu on a new fruit or on a new bag and with simcha shel mitzvah. The last thing I wanna show you is from the havranah of Tuv Chin mem beis, where the Rebbe speak, speaks specifically about the importance of parents celebrating their children's birthdays in this same way. So I just wanna read that inside, and I think that'll be it for us for now. when the first birthday of a child comes, their first birthday, this is when they turn one. the parents need to keep the customs of the Yom HaMilada. that means an extra Seder and limos. That means giving extra tzedakah. in the merit of this child. Somebody, uh... Yeah. In the merit of the child. and specifically, they should be thinking about the great merit and the great wealth and joy that fell on their portion.

18:03 that G-d, that G-d entrusted to them a neshama inside a holy body. and he's relying on the parents to keep watch over this pikkadon, watch over this ob-- this, uh, this borrowed object. this very dear one, as is appropriate. that they will-- and that they are agreeing to educate them in a way that will, uh, that will bring them up to Hashem. in addition to making them a flame that's capable of lighting up other candles. and to make them children, to make these children the people who will light up the world with the fla-- with the, uh, light of Chassidus. when this baby's birthday arrives, they have to decide that they're going to increase in all these efforts significantly. So here, the Rebbe's saying is that, uh, on a birthday of a child, it's not really about you, it's about the kid, and it also is a little bit about you. Partially, you're doing things in the zechus of the child. You're gonna give tzedakah in their zechus, learn Torah in their zechus. But in addition to that, when it comes to the birthdays of our children, we're supposed to take time to sit alone and not think about our own teshuvah and our own teshuva. We're supposed to take time to sit alone and realize that God has entrusted us with something very precious and that we-- and that he's relying on us, that God's relying on us to take care of this holy neshama that's been placed, of this holy neshama that's been

19:16 placed inside a body, and that, uh, and that our job is to make sure to educate this child properly and to turn them into a ner l'olam. So there's birthday chitas for ourselves, birthday chitas regarding how we celebrate it for our children. This is the Rebbe on birthdays for now. Thank you all very much.