What Children Should See Their Fathers Doing in Shul

Welcome to our weekly "Mitoch Shabbos" program.

We are now in the month of Elul, the chodesh of cheshbon hanefesh — the month of soul-searching, as the Alter Rebbe writes in Likkutei Torah [unclear exact source]. "HaMelech BaSadeh" — the Rebbe speaks about it all the time: every Elul, the Rebbe speaks about how the king goes out into the field and receives everyone with a pleasant countenance (mekabel sever panim yafos).

It's a month of decision. The new year should be a better year, an uplifting in our daily life. The Rebbe writes in a letter — this is where I'll read a few words: "The decision in Chodesh Elul is to remove ourselves from material gashmius, to shake off our falseness and habits, from our physical dust, and to distance ourselves from worldly habits which affect a person's way of thinking. This is a preparation for Rosh Hashanah. And when a person has this in mind, the Aibishter will give him a brocha, and he should be zoche l'shana tova umesuka, tikasev v'teichasem tova." This is the Rebbe's letter — a very important letter.

Now, in the month of Elul many of the Rebbe's letters speak about education — about chinuch, chinuch of banim u'vanos, boys and girls. We should put in our children "yiras Shamayim." This should be the resolution for Elul before Rosh Hashanah — put yiras Shamayim into our children.

So today I want to share with you — even though I mentioned it a couple of years ago — that in 1944, in Chodesh Elul, the Rebbe asked Rabbi Mindel to write a junior code of laws, a Shulchan Aruch for children. The Rebbe said he wanted this to go together with the Shulchan Aruch. Rabbi Mindel started to write with the Rebbe — the Rebbe was then called the Ramash. The Rebbe wrote notations, many, many notations — mareh mekomos — straightforward, not scholarly pilpul.

In those days in America there were not too many mikvahs, not too many Talmud Torahs, not too many yeshivas, there was no Beis Chabad, and the am ha'aratzus was unbelievable — ignorant. People didn't know; people couldn't even open a Kitzur Shulchan Aruch. So the Rebbe decided to ask Rabbi Mindel to write a kitzur on the kitzur. There were not many English books in those days. They started "Talks and Tales" — 1943, '42. People didn't know anything in those days.

So I want to show you the Shulchan Aruch that the Rebbe — this is the original I have — asked Rabbi Mindel to do. The Rebbe said to Rabbi Mindel, "The most important thing is halachos, not philosophy — just do halacha, plain halachos, the halachos themselves, mamash."

Now, you know, Rabbi Mindel was a philosopher. He wrote "The Commandments" — many baalei teshuva came from "The Commandments" in those days; it was one of the first things he wrote. He wrote the Tanya — he translated the Tanya into English; you have to be very intelligent for that. He also wrote stories for children. And he took the Shulchan Aruch and wrote just plain halachos.

Also in those days — if you remember, I showed this — the Rebbe asked them to work on a "day to day" project, mi'yom l'yom, just like there was later Hayom Yom, but this came before it — a young scholar's daily calendar and encyclopedia, 1943 and 1944, two years. We made a book out of this — I have the Yiddish volume here, and the English, which the Rebbe worked on with Rabbi Mindel, and then I translated it also into Hebrew. This came at the same time as the Shulchan Aruch. In other words, education — that is Merkos L'Inyonei Chinuch — the ikar is education for children. This was the time the Rebbe wanted something to start from the children; that's the ma'aleh of "Talks and Tales."

Now, here is the Shulchan Aruch — you can see it. This is the Shulchan Aruch, and I [prepared] the pages — I don't want to show these pages. These are the ma'amarim — all these ma'amarim are of the Rebbe, which the Rebbe wrote. This could be made into a book if somebody would work on the ma'amarim and the Shulchan Aruch. Maybe somebody has time to work on this Shulchan Aruch — I found later that there was more, because what I did was superficial; it wasn't done right. If somebody would put himself into it and write up the Shulchan Aruch properly — here too, set off, the Rebbe wrote these ma'amarim, set off a bit from the Rebbe — all these set-off sections belong with numbers in the Shulchan Aruch. Anyway, there's so much. So this is the Shulchan Aruch that the Rebbe put together then, in the month of Elul.

And the Rebbe said that the ikar is the plain halachos — people should know what to do practically. [Several speakers today] like to lecture deep [unclear], which is important, but the ikar is how people should actually behave, the plain practical halacha — that is the ikar. So again, if somebody has time, maybe somebody can work on it — I have no time, and you'd have to have a lot of knowledge. Take the ma'amarim that came in the name of the Rebbe — and there is more that came in the Rebbe's name which I never even printed — and put it all together, and you could make a complete presentation of what the Rebbe wrote. That would have been something.

The Rebbe begins over here with the morning washing of the hands. This is from Rabbi Mindel's notes — this is very interesting. While they were working on this, the Rebbe said — they were working together at one table — that every parent must not forget to be involved with their children, with their education, every single day. Those are the Rebbe's demands: be involved with your children. Parents should be a good example, a living example. This is the Rebbe's demand, as Rabbi Mindel writes about how the Rebbe, while working with him on this Shulchan Aruch, said this — and he said it in the name of the Frierdiker Rebbe — that every father should make sure the children answer "Amen, yehei shmei rabba," and the father himself should also say "Amen, yehei shmei rabba," not talking during davening. The fathers — Rabbi Mindel writes the Rebbe said that — should daven with a minyan, not miss a minyan. Children should see that their fathers don't miss a minyan.

Years ago people used to walk miles for a minyan, and now people can be in shul, sitting there, there's a minyan, and they don't even know what a minyan is. The Rebbe used to write sometimes in letters, "vosikin" — meaning early — you should go to shul early like a vosik and leave like a chossid. A shul, you know, in the Polish style, is called a shtibel, shtiblach — you used to have shtiblach, and we still have shtiblach today, different kinds of shuls, shtiblach. Why is it called a shtibel? Because shtibel comes from "shtub" — a shtub means a home. A shul should be a second home for a person. A child should know that when a father comes home from work, he stays home, eats something, and then where does he go? To his second home — he goes to shul. He goes to daven, he goes to learn, he takes his child to do homework with him, the father shows the child what he learned — a child should feel this. The Rebbe was very much focused on this when he wrote the Shulchan Aruch.

Then the Rebbe also wrote that a person should be careful to watch his tongue from lashon hara. Lashon hara is called "ra" — there's "avedah," there are all kinds of names, but the word "ra" is specifically for lashon hara, because when a person doesn't watch himself, doesn't watch his tongue, it has an effect on the one who speaks, an effect on the one who listens, and an effect on the one being spoken about.

The Rebbe wrote — this is part of the Shulchan Aruch — be involved in kashrus. When it came to hilchos Pesach in this code of laws, the Rebbe wrote that people should be mahadir in kashrus. When a woman goes shopping, she should look at the ingredients, look at the hechsher, make sure to buy something that's mehudar. Women should wear proper clothes, cover their hair. Raise your children to do mitzvos — tell children ma'asei tzaddikim, stories of tzaddikim. This is what he writes from his work with the Rebbe, and it's very interesting.

And he said — I believe in the name of the Frierdiker Rebbe — that when you put children to sleep, sing them a niggun or tell them ma'asei tzaddikim, sing a niggun, and then you will see nachas from your children, and have a Shabbos table.

This was in the month of Elul — people should write down a kabbalah [resolution]. The Rebbe mentioned this, speaking about shluchim — push it, have them write it down. Why? Because when they write something down, they will actually do it; it's not just stuck in the mind. I make a kabbalah — how many times do people make a decision that they'll do something, and they don't? But when you write it down, you know you wrote it down.

I would add something myself now — I'm saying this, I don't know if the Rebbe said it or not — if a person wants to make a kabbalah in Elul, I think it's a good time, when you go to the Ohel in Elul before Rosh Hashanah, to tell the Rebbe your kabbalah. When you tell the Rebbe, you won't want to not do it — you told this to the Rebbe, you're going to do it by Elul. So I think you should tell the Rebbe this is what you've decided. And accordingly, the kabbalah should be to take care of your children, just as important as any mitzvah. People go and film with others — that's very good — but what about your own children? Some people say, "I'm going to make a film," which is very good with children — but what about your own children? It's not more important than learning with your own child.

Then the Rebbe's notes mention: remember, King Solomon — HaMelech — had a ring he always wore. What did it say on his ring? Gimel-Zayin-Yud — "Gam zeh ya'avor" — "this too shall pass." The world is hevel havalim — everything will pass. A person should know everything will pass. You come from afar — the Rebbe didn't say this exactly, but — you come from afar, and you go back to afar. You should teach the children the mitzvos — that we, as Yidden, are born to do mitzvos, plain mitzvos, ma'asim. And the parents should be an example. A person is born naked, wrapped in a white sheet, and a person passes away also wrapped in a white sheet — hevel havalim. I'm getting this from the notes; I think this is what it means, though it's not 100% clear.

So now, before Rosh Hashanah, it's a time to think about this, to write these things down, that our focus should be pushed in the right direction. We speak philosophy, we speak about what's important — but children should know, without doubting, without over-analyzing, to say every word without doubt. And if you don't say every word without doubt, it's like you're missing the point. The same applies here: teach them yiras Shamayim, and then the Aibishter will help you, you'll have a good year, a shana tova. And everything should be done with simcha, with lev, with niglah — this is the word from the Rebbe.

So again, if a person wants to work on this and has the time, I'll be glad to talk to them — you'd have to be somebody a little knowledgeable in halachos. In any case, next week we'll continue our weekly program. Thank you.