The Wedding That Had Immense Joy During Elul

Welcome to our weekly Motzaei Shabbos program.

This week is Yud Gimmel Elul, and Yud Gimmel Elul is the wedding anniversary of the Frierdiker Rebbe. The Frierdiker Rebbe got married on a Friday, to [unclear — heard as "Frun Zion"], in 1897, and the wedding was not in Lubavitch. Also in Elul [unclear — several words not clear], but it was in the city of [unclear]. The Rebbe's wedding was also in Elul, in 1897, and the yeshiva was established [also in Elul].

Now, why was the chuppah of the Rebbe not in Lubavitch? I'll get to it in a minute, but I want to mention that my daughter's wedding was also on Yud Gimmel Elul. The l'chaim/ufruf was in [unclear — heard as "Kits"], and the chuppah was in 770.

So after the l'chaim we got an announcement that the Rebbe was going to say a sicha. So of course we were all waiting — before we went to the hall we were all waiting for the sicha. So the Rebbe spoke. I'm not going to go into the sicha, but he spoke about the fact that since tonight was the night of the wedding, the Rebbe said, "Tonight there is a wedding in our neighborhood, so everybody should go and participate in the wedding." I didn't expect that. I mean, it was like — so everybody came. The wedding was not as big as weddings are today, but it was quite large. It was like a — it was like a — not a typical [wedding].

So I said, "No, I wasn't—" I didn't have enough food, of course, but there was a couple that came from California for the simcha. They came in, they came to the wedding, and they saw there's nothing — I mean, there's no seat, there's nothing to eat. They felt very awkward; they were very upset. So I gave them a chair to sit down. Then I went to take a plate of chicken to give them. By the time I took the chicken, the chair was gone. And by the time I tried to look for the chair, the chicken was gone. They had never seen anything like it — I also never saw anything like it.

But I [unclear — possibly an oath invoking Hashem]. I told them, I said, "I have — I don't know if it's my father-in-law's, or my parents', or my Zeide's — the Rebbe was my Zeide's teacher, I don't know — but it's that the Rebbe said that they should come to the wedding tonight." So I explained it to them, and they felt a little better, because they didn't understand what it was. Anyway, I wanted to mention this — this was Yud Gimmel Elul.

So let's go back to the question: why was the Rebbe's chuppah not in Lubavitch, but [elsewhere]? Because the father of the kallah — the chassan's father-in-law — was a brother of the Maharash. He said that the wedding should be in the place where the kallah lives, and that's why the wedding was there. So the Maharash, the father of the chassan, did not come to the wedding. The mother did go, but the Rebbe Maharash did not go to his son's wedding.

Why didn't he go? There are two reasons. Number one, he wasn't feeling well — the Maharash's health wasn't a hundred percent. Number two, because [unclear — something regarding the chassan "becoming" something when he was four or five years old, something written about where the wedding was to be, and since it was not in Lubavitch]. He said, "If it would be in Lubavitch, you probably would go, because Lubavitch has a kedusha, a holiness — but outside, in a different place, there's no kedusha." So the Rebbe Maharash didn't go, but the Rebbetzin did.

Nevertheless, even though the Maharash did not go to the wedding, that week — the week of the chasunah — he made a farbrengen; he said [unclear — "52 ma'amarim" or similar], and many, many people from all over the world came to the Maharash, and there was mashke with him, and he was happy. Every night there was a different [niggun/farbrengen], and they were happy for the chassan and kallah, but he did not go himself.

Before they went to the chuppah, the Rebbe Maharash gave the chassan, Rebbe Rashab, three conditions, and he told them only to him and also to the attendant — the mashares — who helped Rabbi Rashab. He told only them, nobody else; even Rabbi [unclear name] did not know the conditions.

What were the conditions? Condition number one: that he should not wear a shtreimel. Usually in Lubavitch they wear the regular hat, but out of Lubavitch people wear a shtreimel. It seems like a shtreimel is a holy garment — our minhag is not to wear a shtreimel; the Rebbe doesn't wear a shtreimel, but outside maybe they do wear one. But he said, in this place, do not wear the shtreimel — that was condition number one.

Condition number two: a day after the wedding, go right back to Lubavitch — don't stay long.

And number three: you should not give out shirayim — you know what that means, leftovers, or fish. There was a minhag by them — it's a big thing to give shirayim; it's not our minhag. The Rebbe writes in some letters that it's not our minhag to give shirayim, but I guess in those days some also did. Anyway, this was one of the conditions.

It's a very holy thing, by the way — on Shabbos they eat fish with the hands, and they give shirayim with the hands to people. Why do they eat fish with the hands? Two reasons: number one, because Shabbos food is a pleasure, so instead of touching it with a fork, they want to touch the pleasure directly. Another reason is that fish should be eaten on Shabbos, and it says fish was given with the hands. So I guess that's why they do it. Anyway, they knew it's a big thing, but then he told him not to do it.

By the way, I once heard from [unclear], years ago, that the Rebbe Maharash, before he was Rebbe, was in the marketplace, in business — I'm not sure. And Sholom Belzer [?] was also there — I think he was blind. Anyway, he met the Maharash and took him around and told him the secret of shirayim, a thousand words a minute. So we see that shirayim is very important, but it's not our minhag.

So these were the three conditions he gave him.

Now, before they went to the chuppah, the mechutonim brought a present for the kallah. Before they gave the present, they opened up the box. The Rebbe Maharash said, "I want to see what the present is." So they opened the box, and the Rebbe Maharash saw that there was a hat — the present was a hat for the kallah, and there was a feather in the hat. So the Maharash — I don't know if he was upset or not — grabbed off the feather and threw it away. He didn't want the feather to be in the hat.

Now, why was the chuppah not on Friday? The kabbolas ponim was on Friday, but they postponed the chuppah from Shabbos because at the kabbolas ponim on Friday, the father of the kallah — the chassan's father-in-law — put a shtreimel on the chassan. He didn't know the condition, because the Maharash had told only [the chassan and the attendant] the reason — he didn't know that he shouldn't put a shtreimel on him. So he put the shtreimel on the chassan. So the one who knew — having heard it from the Rebbe — grabbed off the shtreimel. He didn't tell him why. Then the father-in-law went and put the shtreimel on again. So the one who knew the secret, having heard it from the Rebbe, grabbed off the shtreimel and ran away with it.

So there was a whole commotion, and the [kallah, heard as "Rabbi Siddiki" — ?] was there, and she was very disturbed. She was confused; she didn't know what was happening. So because of the confusion, they postponed the chuppah from Shabbos. That's why the chuppah of the Rebbe was not on Shabbos — I mean, was not on Friday as planned.

Now, when they came back to Lubavitch, as the Rebbe Maharash had told them to come back right away to Lubavitch, the Raza — who was the brother of the Rebbe — said that he saw, when they came back, the way the Rebbe Maharash was watching the chassidim dancing on Shabbos with such joy. So the Rebbe Maharash said these words — that's what he said, in Yiddish. Here, I wrote it down. He said: "Kinderlach — look, children, the way Jews are happy [here] is [like] Gan Eden, and that's how the Jews are going to dance in the streets when Moshiach will come."

So this is a very [special teaching]. The Raza was also a special person. I'm going to go off on a bit of a mussar point — I don't know if I should, but I'll tell it. It reminds me — I heard from my [Zeide] — that the Raza was a heavy smoker, smoked a lot. On Shabbos, of course, he didn't smoke, but it bothered him, so he took nine bottles. He smoked on Friday — this was Friday — he put the smoke in the bottles, covered the bottles, and on Shabbos he used to inhale from them, for the head to work. That's what I once heard mentioned — he was a great person.

So anyway, the question here is: the wedding was in the month of Elul, and Elul is also a time of cheshbon — a time when a person has to make an accounting of everything that he did, and resolve that in the coming year he'll be better. The Rebbe writes about this. I remember someone once told me — years ago the chassidim used to knock on the windows, "Yidden, get up, get up, it's a very serious time."

So here you have two things: the wedding was unbelievable — they drank a lot of mashke, it was like a — I mean, why — why did this happen, the drinking and being happy — why was the whole thing [like this] in Elul? So the answer, I think the Rebbe mentioned, is this: a wedding is very holy. The neshamos — the parents, the grandparents, the great-grandparents — come down to this world [to be part of it]. Two people get together, two people from two different upbringings. Here it wasn't exactly so, because he was a relative — but the idea is, two people get together. It's a big thing in the month of cheshbon, of teshuva, because regarding teshuva it says some people might think that to do teshuva you have to be sad, you have to be depressed — but no, you have to be happy. It says it's a month of [mercy], but it has to be done with joy. When a person is happy, the feet dance. So how do you dance with your feet? The head also dances, the whole body dances — the feet carry the body. That's the emunah — the feet carry. In order for the kavod to be kavod the way it's supposed to be, you have to have the emunah. When you have the emunah, then the kavod is kavod the way it's supposed to be.

So the root is the emunah, and the emunah picks up [everything] — when you have emunah, then you have the whole body working, and then you are [complete]. And that's why, [in a marriage], a husband and wife — the third partner is [Hashem] — and everything has to be whole. This is even true of the month of Elul — this is what Elul, the month of Elul, is about.

Now, before I finish off, I mentioned before about my daughter's wedding on Yud Gimmel Elul, but I want to add something I just found — I had seen, years before, that [a family wedding] was not in Crown Heights, because the Rebbe said that it should be [elsewhere]. It was in Boro Park, in Menorah Hall.

I got a letter from the Rebbe — of course the Rebbetzin was there too. And in those years they used to send Western Union telegrams. I have a telegram the Rebbe sent to my [father/father-in-law], and he said "mazel tov." Here's also a telegram — I don't know if the Rebbe sent it to other people, I don't know — but I have it here, also a telegram, maybe from the Rebbetzin — maybe it's recorded as from Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka, I don't know — also "mazel tov," a telegram. And she also sent a telegram to my [father/father-in-law] — she sent a long one. And then a telegram to the chassan — it says "Dino," and I don't know what that means. And then I have a telegram from Zalman Shazar — he was very close to my [grandfather] — and Levi Eshkol, the prime minister, was very close too — and telegrams from other dignitaries as well.

I don't know — I don't know — but I wanted to mention that the Rebbe, even though he sent a letter, he still said [we should go further] — but anyway, I found this. Talking about [this topic] — even though it's the month of Elul, we have to be b'simcha. Next week I'll continue the Shabbos program. Thank you.