What To Do About the Feeling of Loneliness

The Inside Story of Chabad in America — Episode 240

Welcome to our weekly Mitzvah Shabbos program, The Inside Story of Chabad in America. A few weeks ago I mentioned on this program that Rabbi Mindel, having worked with the Frierdiker Rebbe and the Rebbe for over fifty years, wrote down notes every day when he came home — exactly what happened, what the Rebbe told him and discussed with him, and what he heard from the Rebbe: stories, and what certain people asked when they had issues. So Rabbi Mindel wrote it all down. Today I want to share with you something else that he wrote down. It's not that this always applies the same way to everybody — last week we spoke about divorce, and it doesn't mean that it's for everybody — but this is more or less the pattern.

So today I want to mention the advice that the Rebbe gave to people who wrote to the Rebbe having doubts, having difficulty making decisions, and feeling insecure. This was a letter people wrote to the Rebbe, and they wanted to know what the Rebbe would say. So the Rebbe answered, and this is the answer: such feelings of doubt and insecurity arise when a person thinks that they are alone and can only rely upon themselves, on their own judgment, and therefore they're doubtful and insecure about each move that they make, because they feel that they're alone. So this is what the Rebbe says — anybody that has doubts has to think about why. Because they feel alone. What does it mean, they're alone? We'll see soon.

Then the Rebbe says: even if they have trust in Hashem, so they shouldn't feel alone — they trust. But even if they do believe, the Rebbe says that their trust, their emunah, is superficial. The Rebbe underlines "superficial" — without penetrating, without internalizing. It doesn't internalize inside, into their daily life. This is what the Rebbe writes, meaning that every Jew believes. So when this person says, "I'm not alone, I believe in God," so why can't I make decisions, why do I feel this way? Because his belief — they believe because it comes from their upbringing, but they don't internalize this. So the Rebbe mentions here — in other words, it has to be on a higher level. I'll explain soon — that you can see Godliness only on certain days, the Rebbe says. Such as Shabbos — they feel closer to God. Shabbos they feel closer — that's what this person writes — why? Because on Shabbos it's a holy day, he's with people, he goes to shul — maybe he feels closer. But when it comes back to the weekdays, again he loses that, and he feels alone. So his emunah is not strong, because his emunah is only superficial — it doesn't penetrate into him.

But when a person's faith in God is deep in each and every detail, every minute, they will not feel alone. That's what the Rebbe says, and that is believing in hashgacha pratis, in Divine Providence. A person has to know that God is with him in everything, everything that happens — as the Baal Shem Tov said, God can make a wind and a storm just so that one leaf should move from one place to another place. So everything that he does, everything he sees, is hashgacha pratis. Then he will look at the world in a different way — like when you put on blue glasses, the world looks blue; when you put on green glasses, the world looks green. The world is not blue, the world is not green — that's just how you look at it. When you look at the world knowing that everything is Divine Providence, every minute, you will never feel alone — you will look at the whole world differently.

Once I heard from the Frierdiker Rebbe — and Rabbi Mindel mentions it in one of his letters — that the Frierdiker Rebbe once said: why is the sun — you go to the mountains sometimes in the summertime, early morning, and the sun is very big and red — why is the sun red? So he says the sun makes the day; the sun looks down and looks at people — this one goes here, this one runs, this one goes to Manhattan, this one goes to Queens, this one goes to the airport — they don't know where they're going. And the sun says to them, "Where are you running? Stop and think — where are you going, what are you doing in life?" So the sun becomes embarrassed, becomes red in its face — that's why.

So you look at the world in a different way — the sunrise, the sun, the moon, everything that happens in the world is a lesson, and you learn something out of everything. When you have this — this is what the Rebbe calls hashgacha pratis, Divine Providence — and the Rebbe uses an English word, he writes "careful watchfulness." This term is also used in Kabbalah — there it can mean supervision, overseeing. But it means watchfulness through and through — it's not just supervision.

When a person looks from above — but the person says, "I just don't feel it," and he feels alone — what should he do to help him believe in this? So the Rebbe says it comes from doing a mitzvah, and promises this person: you won't be alone.

Every woman lights candles on Friday — it's a mitzvah — but some people light candles because they have to light candles and to make a brocha, that's it. But if the woman knows that when she stands by the candles, this is a moment that she can ask Hashem for whatever she wants — children, happy children, everything — and she thinks about it, this is the holiest moment, she doesn't just do it by rote, as they say, but she does it with feeling. Or a person puts on tefillin every morning — every person puts on tefillin, but when you put on tefillin knowing what tefillin accomplishes, next to the heart and on the head — or a person puts on tzitzis, or a person davens every single word — when you do that, then you will feel it, Divine Providence.

Do a mitzvah, the Rebbe writes here — anything you do, do it with feeling — and then the Rebbe finishes off to this person: your sleep will be peaceful, and you'll get up renewed. This is what the Rebbe wrote.

Now, another thing — it has nothing to do with this, but the same person also asks: is there life on other planets? The reason I'm mentioning this is because that person wrote that also in the same letter to the Rebbe. So the Rebbe answers like this: this is also — if it's not a practical question, it's not important in a Jew's daily life. How does this have to do with your daily avodah? Anything that has nothing to do with avodah, don't ask — and if you knew about other planets, what would that help you? This goes for a lot of things — some people ask, "After one hundred and twenty years, what is it like?" Is that important? Will this help you serve God? If it doesn't, why are you asking? So this is what the Rebbe says. But since you asked, the Rebbe is kind, so he wants to tell you — we find in the commentary of [unclear], where according to one opinion there is an inhabited star called Maros [?]. So the Rebbe does answer him about whether there is another planet — that's all he says. But if it has nothing to do with your daily life, don't ask — it's not important.

One more thing this person asked in the same letter: why is there a difference between schools of thought in serving God? There's Belz, there's Ger, there's Vizhnitz, there's all kinds — why is it like that? I can tell you exactly what he asked, and I'll tell you what the Rebbe answered him, word for word. The Rebbe answers like this: this is the same as you find differences of opinion among the Amoraim of the Talmud. Some of these differences of opinion were resolved by a final ruling, others remain undecided, and one could act according to either authority. If this is so in halacha, how much more so is there room for differences in regard to schools of thought connected with avodas Hashem, where there can be different approaches to the same goal — as the Baal HaTanya explains in the introduction of Tanya. That's what the Rebbe answered — meaning, as long as the person does it sincerely, with the same goal, it doesn't matter which path he chooses, as long as he does it for the right reason. Of course the main thing is the level of avodah — of course there are different levels — but they're all going toward the same goal. As long as that is reached, that's what counts. This is how the Rebbe answered about reaching the same goal.

This reminds me — and this is important to know as a lesson. Years ago, when I was a bochur, there was — I think it was seven years ago — a farbrengen, thousands of people. A few came to the farbrengen and were standing in the back. You know, on Shabbos we usually don't take off the Chassidic clothes that people wear on Shabbos — so they don't take it off. But here, they came to the Rebbe, and they took off the shtreimel, and they — you know, they have the big hats — they put on a wig and a hat, what they wear during the week. Why did they do it? Because since the Rebbe doesn't wear a shtreimel, out of respect for the Rebbe they didn't want to wear it — even though it's a holy thing to them, they didn't want to wear it in front of him.

Why did they come? They came to the Rebbe to give mashke, because one of their daughters got married. The Rebbe used to — after a wedding — people would come over with a bottle of mashke to give the Rebbe for the simcha. Anyway, so first the Rebbe saw them from far, and the Rebbe made a gesture like this, meaning, "Where's your shtreimel?" And they were shocked that the Rebbe noticed they came without it. Then they went up to the Rebbe — that's what they told later — and the Rebbe said, "Why did you take off the shtreimel?" They said they thought that since it's Shabbos — if the shtreimel is holy headgear... The Rebbe said: "It's holy — if that helps you serve Hashem in any way, wear the shtreimel, that's holy. Others should not laugh at other people's customs — they have different customs, it's not our way, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. If that helps him in his love of Hashem and fear of Hashem, that's good." And we should always try to remember this, so that we will all be connected together.

So this is the answer for a person who asked the Rebbe why there are different schools of thought — it doesn't matter, it's okay, as long as it reaches the right goal. Do the right thing for the right reason.

Next Shabbos we'll have our weekly program. Thank you.