What Impressed a Donor During an Unexpected Visit

The Inside Story of Chabad in America — Episode 214

Welcome to our weekly program, The Inside Story of Chabad in America, through the Mindel Archives.

Last week we began reading Pirkei Avot, the Shabbos after Pesach. The Chabad minhag is to learn Pirkei Avot from the Shabbos after Pesach until the Shabbos before [Rosh Hashanah], and some people have the custom to begin from Pesach itself.

But in the summertime, why do we say Pirkei Avot? Because summer is a time when people relax, so people need to be reminded, they need to be strengthened, they need encouragement. That's why, when the weather is warm — and we all know it's not the same as the winter — the minhag is to strengthen ourselves, especially in matters between man and man.

I was in Florida last week, and I said to them that they should say Pirkei Avot in Florida the whole year, not only in the summer — but this is the reason to say it between Pesach and Rosh Hashanah.

This week's parsha is very unique — the parsha is similar in a lot of ways to what we learn in Pirkei Avot, and these are points that have to do, mostly — not all, but mostly — with bein adam l'chaveiro, between man and man. Therefore it's so important that right in the beginning it says, "Speak to everybody." Rashi says this is because kol Yisrael had to be there, because the essentials of the Torah are contained in this parsha — meaning that the things it says in the parsha mostly have to do with this. Of course we learn more later, but apparently this is something very important. And besides, we always read this parsha after Pesach.

So the first thing that it says is, "You shall be holy." Rashi explains what this means — Rashi says, separate from immoral relationships. This is the beginning, and it's important.

Now this reminds me of a letter — I don't have it here — that the Rebbe wrote to somebody. This was years ago, and the Rebbe said to them that it doesn't only mean that when she becomes a nidah, and then she counts her days and goes to the mikvah, which everybody does — but it means in personal relationships. And the Rebbe mentions many people, you can see it in public — by a handshake, she hands over things to him, he hands over things to her. We're talking here about people who are [observant] — the Rebbe speaks there about this — that was in that letter. Maybe I'll show it to you another time. The point is that it's important, it's not just going to the mikvah, it's everything, and people have to be very careful not to extend a hand [to shake], which some people are not so careful about. So this is the first thing.

Then it says here how the relationship is between a child and parents. By a mother, it says fear first — it says "Imo," his mother, first. By the Aseres Hadibros it says father first, [for honor]. Fear doesn't mean scared — Rashi explains this. You can always look in Rashi; Rashi will tell you what it means to fear your mother and father, and what honor means.

And then the Torah goes on — this week the Torah speaks about bein adam l'chaveiro: don't lie, don't swear falsely, don't let the wages of your employee stay overnight — in other words, you have to pay somebody, be careful to pay on that day. Don't curse a deaf person, don't put a stumbling block before a blind person — meaning don't trick somebody. There are many pesukim, but this week: do not pervert justice, don't show favoritism to a poor person, don't show favoritism to a rich person. And when you reprimand someone, don't embarrass him. Don't take revenge, don't hold a grudge, and — it says — you shall love your fellow. So all these halachos are very, very important, and this is similar to what we're learning the whole summer in Pirkei Avot — "love your friend" — even if he's bad, you still have to love him.

Some people say we're trying to be mekarev people, which is very important — this is to bring people close — but we also shouldn't forget that ahavas Yisrael applies here too. Sometimes you walk into a shul or a house, a person comes in and he needs Kaddish, so everybody goes around him, they give him an aliyah, they give him kibud. What about someone who is an avel? Let's not forget about them also. So this is more or less what [the parsha] has to do with — that's why this week is very, very unique, because it has similar themes to what we learn in Pirkei Avot.

Now the Rebbe has, over here, a letter — I'm not going to read the letter, but the Rebbe writes over here — this was in the early years, based on when the Rebbe came to America. He told people they must, you know, not carry on Shabbos, and not do a lot of [other things]. So he was writing to a lecturer. He says to him: Are you — when you lecture, do you lecture because you want somebody to do teshuvah, or do you want to impress somebody with how you speak, with a speech? Many people, when they speak, it has to be — you have to speak not because you want to become big, because you want to become [important]. I think he asked the question why he has to [answer for this] — I don't see the question here, why he doesn't have so much — so the Rebbe says that maybe your entire intention is that you want to show people, when you speak to them, how good a speaker you are. This is the problem. We have to speak to somebody so that they should be [helped] — and also, "speak" doesn't mean just philosophy or Chassidus, which is important too, but to speak about things that it says in halacha — speak things that it says in halacha.

And unfortunately we live in a world today where we have even great [speakers], but we have to speak with a minyan — they should say Krias Shema on time, they shouldn't skip, they should bentch — careful with every word — and not embarrass people, and not belittle other people. You know, one way to make yourself big — you can dig a hole and put another person in the hole, so you're on top, so you become big because you embarrass him. So all these halachos are very important, and this is what I think we should learn from this.

Now, we learn Pirkei Avot — so we ask, why is it called Avot? Why is it called "Fathers"? It should have been called Pirkei Mussar, or Pirkei Midos — how we should conduct ourselves — why the word Avot? There are a lot of answers, but I will not go into that. I want to tell you the vort that [the Rebbe] told me years ago, when I used to teach, about why it's called Pirkei Avot — and I think I mentioned this a few years ago. Pirkei Avot, he said to me, is a perek for parents. The way parents behave, that's the way the children are going to be. If you want something from your children — this is a perek for parents, this is a perek for teachers, this is a perek for principals. You are a teacher, a principal, not only in the classroom — not only when you have to tell off a child. You are a parent all the time. You are a mother and father when you go to sleep, you're a mother and father when you wake up, you're a mother and father when you go to work, when you eat, when you go for a walk, when you go on vacation — you're always a mother and father, he told me.

And he also said that it doesn't only mean that a child should honor his parents — honor the father that is within you, honor the mother that is within you. If God made you a parent, honor that — be a living example, be a role model. This, through learning Pirkei Avot, is why it's called Pirkei Avot.

And as we mentioned once, then it speaks about, you know, there's children, life, and sustenance — so the question is, why is children first? Should it be life first, then children, then sustenance? So the answer is: if a person has good children, then their life is a happy life. Then comes sustenance — of course you have to have sustenance, you have to feed your children, but that's not the main thing. Sustenance — whatever Hashem gives you — if you're a millionaire, he says, do you sleep on a different mattress? Do you eat a better bagel? Same thing, whatever [He gives you] — but you have many people who have [wealth], but their children are no good. So the first thing depends on the parents — how, through doing what it says in Pirkei Avot, to be a living example. So the whole point of Pirkei Avot is that the parents have to do what it says — Pirkei Avot.

Now I want to end off with a story of a real principal, and I'll tell you why. These were my students that I used to teach in the Yeshiva of Brooklyn — as I mentioned, the Rebbe told me to be there for many years, and they listen to this program, they told me — so I want to tell you a story of the principal of the Yeshiva of Brooklyn, who was very close to him.

I used to teach different grades. One year I taught the third grade, younger children. Rabbi Nissan Mindel had a minhag that every Sunday he had a girls' school, a thousand girls, and then a boys' school a few blocks away — so his office was in the girls' school. Every Sunday he used to take a child and bring him to his office and test him. This was after class. Let's say this time it was my child, from my class — I went with him with a child. So he put the child on his lap, and he opened up a sefer, and he tested him and learned with him. This was a big minhag, very [special].

While he was learning with the child, a big, well-to-do person, a supporter of the yeshiva — not only of that yeshiva, but he supported Chabad, he supported a lot of yeshivos — came to see him. So the secretary knocks on his door and says, "Rabbi Mindel, this person" — I don't want to mention his name — "he's here now." And Rabbi Mindel knew that he was here to give money, so he said, "Tell him that I'm in the middle of testing a child, let him wait ten minutes, and I'll finish."

So she told him to wait. He was waiting, and after ten minutes Rabbi Mindel was still there testing the child. She said to him — he said to her, "In a few minutes I'll be done, tell him I'm almost done." Anyway, he couldn't wait, and he left. After he finished testing the child, Rabbi Mindel said, "Now you can call him in." So she said to him, "He's already left." "No," he said, "I was in the office." "No, he left." "He left? What can I do — I was in the middle of learning with him, so he left." He didn't get [a donation] that Sunday.

On Tuesday, the man called, and he said to Rabbi Mindel, "I support many yeshivos, I go to many schools — I never saw this before. When I come, right away, whatever they're doing, in the middle of a class, whatever — right away they come around me. Here I saw emes, I saw what a real principal is. Even though I'm here and I want to give you [money], because of what you did and what I saw, I'm going to give you even double, or maybe even triple, what I had planned to give you." And later on he showed me the check — it was a very big check.

This I experienced myself. I just want to show you — honor a principal, behave like a principal, behave like a parent. This is what Pirkei Avot, and this is what our Torah, teaches us, and this is the lesson that we can learn this week from Parshas Kedoshim.

So we should all learn — and also learn Pirkei Avot the whole summer — and this should have an effect on our lives. B'ezras Hashem, next week we will continue our Thursday night program. Thank you.