The Rebbe’s Letter About a Mamzer

Welcome to our weekly program, "The Inside Story of Chabad in America," through the Mindel Archives.

In our previous few programs we discussed the Rebbe's opinion about converts. We spoke about the speech that Rabbi Dr. Nissan Mindel gave to the U.N., and the Rebbe wrote notations, and about prayer and public school ethics. Today I want to discuss a letter that someone asked the Rebbe about a mamzer — about a bastard. You know, the Rebbe dealt with all different topics, and this letter — part of the letter I put in the fifth volume that just came out two weeks ago, of "Letters and the Spirit." So part of this letter that I will discuss was written in this book. You can buy the book now in the stores, you can also buy it on Amazon.

So he asked the Rebbe about — and at the end of the program I'll also have a story I want to tell you.

First of all, I want to say: what is a mamzer? A mamzer is a child that is born from certain relationships that are prohibited, that we read about on Yom Kippur, but you can look it up, called arayos. A brother — if he marries a sister, the child is a mamzer, or whatever. Now, the most common — now, a mamzer is if a woman who is married to a man with two kosher witnesses, that woman goes and lives with another man while she's married to her husband, and they have a child, that child is called a mamzer. Of course, if you marry with two kosher witnesses — I mean, a reform marriage is not called a marriage, because there's no kosher witnesses; maybe there is, but usually it's not. So the child — if she goes and does that, then the child is not a mamzer. It's only if you marry kosher with two witnesses, and that's a mamzer.

What's the problem with a mamzer? A mamzer is a regular Yid, an eid, that does the taryag mitzvos just like everybody else, just like all of us. The difference is he's different in that he cannot marry a regular Jewish girl. He can only marry a mamzeres, that she's also a mamzer. And this is what the Torah says.

So a person asked the Rebbe: something must be done to save innocent, illegitimate Jewish children — he called it "the illegitimate" — from being thrust into a special Jewish caste, to put them in a different class. That's — he said that, why? It's not their fault. Why should we put a mamzer in a different class? He didn't do anything wrong. And the cruelty of the Torah — he writes that mamzer bastards cannot marry. What's their fault? That's the fault of the parents. That's how he writes to the Rebbe.

Now, the Rebbe was very surprised that this person — I guess that I know this person — had this question. The Rebbe writes, "I'm amazed that you, I guess a ben Torah, should have such a question." And the Rebbe says the prohibition with mamzerim is not a matter of punishment, nor is it a new law. It is a law as divine and honored as the Torah itself. The Rebbe says it's called Toras Chesed — Torah is called Toras Chesed, Torah is kind, and just, and justice. And the Torah says — the Torah says that parents don't die because of children; children die because of their parents. So the Torah is chesed — there is a reason why the Torah says that a mamzer, that a mamzer cannot marry a regular Jew.

And then the Rebbe gives a mashal, and I'll read just a paragraph: "Suppose at the time of conception the parents were in a state of intoxication, or under the influence of drugs, or were themselves afflicted by some disease. In such a case medical science has declared — experience has shown — that the embryo and the infant born will be affected, physically or mentally or both. This is a fact — they're born with such parents. So the children — is it the children's fault? No. The parents didn't behave the way they should. It is clear that here is a case where the cause of the child's affliction is entirely traced to the parents, for the child itself is the innocent sufferer. But if this actually comes to pass, the children so born must receive special care and attention, inasmuch as they are born with physical or mental disorders through the fault of the parents."

But they have to be taken care of differently, as the Rebbe will say in the next paragraph. They cannot be treated — you can't say that these children that are born mentally [impaired], or have heart problems, or are blind, or whatever it is, that they should go to a regular school. Nobody's going to say that. But is it the child's fault? It's the parent's fault.

"Suppose further that someone would start a campaign claiming that, inasmuch as the children are entirely innocent in this case, they should not be restricted in any way and should be allowed to grow up and conduct themselves like any other normal child. Clearly this would not be good — not only for the environment, but it would be an injustice also to the children themselves."

So how can you say that you should put him in a different class? Why put him in a different class? You have this kind of children that were born — you have to put them in a different class, that's a normal thing. Now the same thing also when a child is born from such parents — this is the nature. If parents behave the way they behave and they have a child, the child is a mamzer. And there's another mashal he gives in another place: a person puts his finger in hot water and he gets blisters. Are you going to blame — why do you have blisters? What are you going to blame? Why did you put your finger in hot water? In other words, the parents didn't behave right. This is the nature; the result is that the child is a mamzer. It's not his fault.

Now the Rebbe writes in another place: "I do not think anyone would care to challenge medical science today, even though it is relatively young in development and has undergone various changes in the past. Surely one should not challenge the science of the Torah, which came down to us about 3,500 years ago, and despite the ups and downs of time and place has remained steadfast and unchangeable, because Torah is eternal — G‑d, the Healer of all flesh, who works wondrously, has given definite instructions as to how these children should be treated, which can only be for their own benefit as well as for the benefit of all. And any attempt to interfere with this will not only not be helpful to the children, but rather it will be harmful."

And then the Rebbe ends off: "Although much more could be said on this subject, I trust that the above will suffice for you. I will emphasize again that there can be no contradiction between the fact that the Torah is the law of loving kindness and that G‑d is merciful and gracious." With a verse we find in the Torah itself, it says in Koheles, "I have seen the tears of those who have been wronged" — which, as the Sages say, refers to the plight of alleged illegitimate children. For needless to say, it is a very big pity for such children, as also emphasized in the illustration cited above, and it is truly heartbreaking that because the parents could not control themselves at a certain moment and let their passion hold sway over them, they have ruined a certain part of their offspring.

And this is what the Rebbe said — so it's not the child, but this is part of nature, that if the parents don't behave, this is the result of their relationship.

Now I wanted to mention to you a story, and I happen to know this bochur. There was a bochur — this was in the sixties, late sixties. This bochur was a yeshiva bochur, a very good bochur, metzuyan, a good bochur in yeshiva. And he was — about everything — he was an older bochur, he was already in his thirties. So someone who had an older daughter came over to the Rosh Yeshiva, she was looking for a shidduch, and she asked the Rosh Yeshiva for a shidduch, for a good bochur. The Rosh Yeshiva said, "I have a bochur here, an older bochur, and maybe I'll talk to him." They spoke, and she got engaged to him.

A few months later — that was a few months later — they went to the chuppah. Before kabbolas — before he went to the chuppah, they see that he is not himself, he's very depressed, he started to cry. He was not himself — I mean, a chuppah, this is supposed to be the happiest time of their life. So he called over one of his friends and he said, "I want to tell you something — I cannot go to the chuppah. I am a mamzer." His mother told him exactly — he knew all along. Nobody knew. I mean, of course, he had to tell the — the kallah fainted, you know. I don't — this is the story that happened.

Why did he do this? You know, it says don't judge someone — you shouldn't be — he couldn't get married all this time. He didn't want to get married until somehow he was talked into it, or whatever he wanted, but until the chuppah, he says, that's something that he can't take anymore. And Hashem — the kallah later got married, I know her, she got married, she has children now, she's a grandmother, she's happily married, baruch Hashem, everything is fine. But this — he's not married, because he's a mamzer. So this is the halacha of the Torah, but he can't say the Torah is bad. This is what came out from such a marriage.

And there's certain different [questions] that were asked — everything and anything, there's so many letters about this kind of thing that the Rebbe answered.

Next week we are going to speak about — as I mentioned to you — about the president, and in Washington, D.C., that my father-in-law was sent by the Frierdiker Rebbe. We're going to mention it — that with Rabbi Hector [?], Rabbi Hollander [?] — so I'll share with you next week. Thank you.