Somachat Alayich - With Club Members 02 - [In My Living Room] - Episode 13

00:00 Speaker 1 How fun! Ruchli was with me for a radio interview too.

00:05 Speaker 2 So we can end the podcast.

00:08 Speaker 1 I believe we still have a lot to talk about with—

00:11 Speaker 2 A dynamic interview.

00:11 Speaker 13 Hello, Ruchli.

00:14 Speaker 2 Blessings to you.

00:15 Speaker 1 Ruchli is a singer, a songwriter, an amazing mother of five—

00:19 Speaker 13 Amazing, amazing.

00:20 Speaker 1 Full of light and joy, and she spreads that joy too. Right, you have workshops, you have programs, you do all that.

00:28 Speaker 13 Nonviolent communication. I have courses on relationships: how we relate to ourselves and how we see the world. Interpretations, how to leave behind a victim mindset—which was the most comfortable place for me to live until I got out of it.

00:42 Speaker 2 How did you get out of it?

00:43 Speaker 13 I got out. It wasn’t easy, but I think it happened when I dared to recognize that I was there—

00:51 Speaker 2 Did you want to get out?

00:52 Speaker 13 I didn’t realize there was a problem with being there until the gap between who I wanted to be and who I actually was became very big, and I understood that something inside me was in conflict.

01:04 Speaker 2 Give me a glimpse of what your victim mindset sounded like.

01:06 Speaker 13 My whole life is getting messed up. Why is Hashem doing this only to me? What, don’t You have enough troubles to hand out? Don’t You have other children to give troubles to? You’re throwing everything at me?

01:13 Speaker 2 Trouble after trouble.

01:13 Speaker 13 That’s actually how I came to Chabad. By the way, that’s a story for a podcast of its own.

01:19 Speaker 1 From Vizhnitz Chassidus.

01:21 Speaker 13 Oh, right. I was—

01:23 Speaker 1 But you’re still in Vizhnitz.

01:26 Speaker 13 No.

01:26 Speaker 2 No, Chabad has, it has—

01:28 Speaker 13 My connection to Chabad absolutely comes from a home where we grew up with Vizhnitz.

01:31 Speaker 2 Do you think the Rebbe said not to change...

01:34 Speaker 13 The Rebbe, the Rebbe—I wrote to him three times. Once about a shidduch, once about... I haven’t mentioned that I’m happily divorced right now, for the time being.

01:41 Speaker 1 It shows.

01:42 Speaker 13 Thank you.

01:44 Speaker 1 That you’re happy, not that you’re divorced.

01:45 Speaker 13 I asked the Rebbe three times, on three separate occasions, and he said not to change. Regarding the matter, that one should not change one’s clothing.

01:51 Speaker 2 Yes, not to change.

01:52 Speaker 13 So that same letter came up for me in America and in Israel, and here I am. That’s it. Then I went in to see the Vizhnitzer Rebbe after consulting with him. The Vizhnitzer Rebbe was less available for questions, and I said to him, “Why? Why does Hashem throw all this at me?” I was speaking from real pain, like I’d allowed myself to feel the hurt for a moment. And he said to me, “What, am I speaking to a heretic?” That broke me.

02:16 Speaker 2 What a shock.

02:16 Speaker 13 I said to him, “I don’t have the tools to handle my life, and even you, as a Rebbe, don’t seem to have them. How can it be handled? How am I supposed to handle this alone?” That’s where I broke down, and I went outside. A friend said to me, “Listen, Chabadniks always have answers.” We met a Chabadnik on the street and asked him, “Tell me, maybe you can help her?” That’s what my friend said. So he said, “What? How can I help?” Rabbi Shraga Dayan from Beit Shemesh—Rabbi Shraga Dayan. We’d just stopped him in the middle of the street. Poor man, [unclear]. What had he missed along the way? And he simply—

02:51 Speaker 1 He didn’t miss out; he gained a soul.

02:53 Speaker 13 Yes, really. Then he said, “Why? Why? You ask ‘why’ a lot? Do you know who asked ‘why,’ who was the first to ask ‘why’? Moshe Rabbeinu. You’re on the level of Moshe Rabbeinu—how could you be a heretic?”

03:03 Speaker 1 Wow.

03:03 Speaker 13 It changed my whole perspective so much.

03:06 Speaker 2 Wow. And what did that do for you?

03:07 Speaker 13 What do you mean, what? I said to him, “So how did Moshe Rabbeinu manage in this world?” He told me, “Start learning Tanya.” He told me where there was a class, and I began going regularly. I would cancel Sunday performances—cancel them. Everything was canceled on Sundays because I was at my Tanya class. That’s where I started rebuilding myself, understanding my worth. I discovered my self-worth.

03:24 Speaker 2 You know why I’m asking you about the victim mindset? Because the first month in the club was about leaving it behind. Lately I’ve been seeing women who are really stuck in it. And after the podcast episode about vaccines and not vaccinating—which we’re not getting into now; one day I’ll do a debate episode about it—I said to Michal, “Develop a vaccine against the victim mindset.” Like, it’s a vaccine people need to get. Because she has this thing where she really doesn’t know what it’s like to be stuck there, but—

03:55 Speaker 13 If you haven’t lived it, you don’t know its language.

03:56 Speaker 2 No, and you also can’t understand the other person. It’s hard when you live in a different place, in your heart, on a different wavelength. You want to understand your audience too, but... and then you come along with this experience of the victim mindset.

04:08 Speaker 13 Yes, so in my courses I really—

04:10 Speaker 2 Is that what led you to nonviolent communication?

04:11 Speaker 13 I bring up a situation, and each woman brings exactly where she is in it. I work with playback theater, so I often bring that in: each woman brings herself, and then we take a moment to try to understand how it is that everyone sees life differently. When we’re in that victim mindset, we’re usually also very, very judgmental of the whole world.

04:32 Speaker 2 There’s no sense that your view is subjective.

04:33 Speaker 13 Exactly. Everything is either black or white. I was very, very much like that. So I started building up my status posts and really began talking about things without making them black and white—this is right, that’s wrong. From there, I started a process that my viewers are going through with me. They tell me, “Oh my goodness, you’re rebuilding yourself, and we’re right there with you.”

04:47 Speaker 2 They see you fall, they see you get up.

04:48 Speaker 13 Fall and get up, and how I can slip back in a second. Then, when I met Michal through this “Happy for You” concept, I was already guiding women in parenting. I’ve been through parental alienation, and things with my children are still complicated. I can’t share the details, out of respect for them, but it’s really complicated. A divorce process that’s been less than pleasant. And I myself guide women, but I keep telling myself: if I don’t keep learning and adding to my toolbox, it’s like I’ll end up in a place—

05:21 Speaker 2 You need to be in the gym twenty-four seven.

05:22 Speaker 13 All the time.

05:23 Speaker 2 Wow, wow.

05:24 Speaker 13 And I encounter a lot of difficult situations too.

05:26 Speaker 2 Where do you get the strength?

05:26 Speaker 13 When I met—my source of strength is interesting: it’s time with myself. “Mom time.” Just as I have quality time with the kids, I have Mom time. During that time, I talk to Hashem. During that time, I do things I love.

05:40 Speaker 19 You go behind the scenes and—

05:42 Speaker 13 Paint. Yes, and it really recharges me.

05:45 Speaker 2 Wow.

05:45 Speaker 13 I really have set times to recharge—

05:46 Speaker 2 Like you really make a point of bringing yourself back down to earth.

05:48 Speaker 13 During the day. That’s it.

05:49 Speaker 2 Cool.

05:49 Speaker 13 Exactly, because I told myself after—

05:54 Speaker 19 No, that, that took effort.

05:55 Speaker 13 Why?

05:57 Speaker 19 Oh, I really need to improve that.

05:59 Speaker 2 We’ll record all of this soon.

06:03 Speaker 19 Right, it needs a slightly more Israeli sound.

06:04 Speaker 2 Tell me, can I ask you to do something on the spot?

06:06 Speaker 13 Let’s do it.

06:06 Speaker 2 Let’s see. We spoke on the phone not long ago, and you told me that at events you compose a song as you go.

06:14 Speaker 13 Yes, that’s right.

06:14 Speaker 2 Could you do something for our club?

06:16 Speaker 13 About the club?

06:17 Speaker 19 That would be amazing!

06:19 Speaker 2 She doesn’t know—

06:20 Speaker 19 Do we have a beat?

06:21 Speaker 13 Huh? Yes, a beat. I need paper and a pen to write things down, or a recording.

06:25 Speaker 19 Do we have them?

06:26 Speaker 13 Where?

06:26 Speaker 20 We’re together in Me’or’rot.

06:28 Speaker 13 Oh.

06:30 Speaker 19 I’ll find you a beat.

06:31 Speaker 2 So now you need to get something from each woman that the club has given her, or is giving her. What are we like? What do we do?

06:37 Speaker 13 How did you come to the club? Give me one word—how did you see yourself as a mother, or what was your main struggle?

06:44 Speaker 2 And she’s making a song for us live. Oh, how lovely.

06:47 Speaker 19 Yes.

06:47 Speaker 20 Me’or’rot.

06:48 Speaker 13 I’m one of the women who asked for it.

06:51 Speaker 2 Oh, one of the—

06:51 Speaker 13 For the club.

06:52 Speaker 19 Oh, nice. One of those who insisted I start the club.

06:56 Speaker 13 What kind of mother was I? How did I get here?

06:58 Speaker 20 Oh, like, try a little harder—why did you come to the club?

07:02 Speaker 2 You don’t have to answer. Pass it on.

07:03 Speaker 13 I came as a child.

07:07 Speaker 20 I wanted to be a mother who lets go more.

07:10 Speaker 2 A controlling mother.

07:11 Speaker 19 A controlling mother. I was a controlling mother.

07:14 Speaker 13 I react quickly. I used to react quickly.

07:17 Speaker 2 Impulsively?

07:18 Speaker 13 Impulsively. In my responses to the kids.

07:20 Speaker 20 I want to be as happy as Michal. To have that patience.

07:23 Speaker 2 How did you come?

07:24 Speaker 13 Judgmental.

07:26 Speaker 20 Stuck in a victim mindset.

07:29 Speaker 19 I was looking for joy, so I was less joyful then.

07:31 Speaker 13 But what really brought me here? It was that I met a woman with such joy for life. She was an inspiration to me, unbelievably so. And I would react to every little thing, every bit of milk spilled on the floor, or anything else that spilled.

07:43 Speaker 19 “Pick it up.”

07:43 Speaker 13 I lose my temper very quickly, and I wanted to be a calmer mother.

07:46 Speaker 2 A short fuse. Good.

07:49 Speaker 20 I feel like the queen of criticizing myself and the kids. And when I saw the title about the happy mother, “Happy for You,” a joyful heart, finding joy in parenting—wow, that was a dream come true, a fantasy. I came to make it... how do you say it? To make a dream come true?

08:09 Speaker 2 How beautiful! Wow.

08:13 Speaker 19 I came in judgmental, really, and more on autopilot.

08:22 Speaker 2 How do you feel now?

08:23 Speaker 19 Calm, happy. I’m enjoying myself. I feel almost completely at peace. Really. I feel like something has opened up inside me, something deep within, and I feel free. A mother who feels free.

08:37 Speaker 2 How wonderful. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

08:42 Speaker 21 Plenty of tests and challenges still come up, but I take them more lightly and give more. When I listen to you, and there’s something going on in the background and some character comes into it, we all laugh and realize: you know what, you can laugh too. It creates a good atmosphere, and that makes me really happy.

08:57 Speaker 2 Wow.

08:57 Speaker 21 And at Shabbos meals too. That last game you gave us, about changing the resh or not saying the resh, was amazing.

09:05 Speaker 2 Thank you.

09:07 Speaker 20 A mother who lets go more, takes things more lightly, trusts more.

09:14 Speaker 22 Mainly, it’s making an effort to notice things, to know how to do better next time, and joy. Bringing in as much joy as possible.

09:23 Speaker 23 Of course, I don’t answer. I don’t answer right away. And if someone shouts at home—because they’re used to shouting, and I’m not going to change them just like that—I a-a-ask them, “Wait, are you shouting at me?” And they burst out laughing. So it’s really changed at that level. It’s as though I’d been waiting for this. I’ve worked all these years on not raising my voice, but this time it’s settling in more, sinking in.

09:45 Speaker 2 It’s something you can actually put into practice.

09:46 Speaker 23 Absolutely. I really shout less, and it feels good.

09:52 Speaker 24 I’m constantly playing with the balls. My life is full of glass balls that I’m slowly turning into rubber ones. Ah, especially before a wedding. Zooming out and thinking before I react—it’s really becoming part of how I do things.

10:16 Speaker 2 Wow, wow. Amazing, amazing.

10:19 Speaker 20 I feel more at peace with myself. I’m obsessive about cleaning. I didn’t say that before. And yes, things get spilled, and I take it lightly—which I never used to do. And my daughter, my daughter goes around the playground without shoes, without socks, takes things off, and I go along with her. I just go along so she can have fun. I feel like I’m giving them more of an experience.

10:41 Speaker 2 You’ve become a grown-up child.

10:42 Speaker 20 A grown-up child. Letting her—I’ve become simplehearted.

10:44 Speaker 25 These days, when I come home, I close my eyes a little and let them play until a certain time. At least, I’m more willing to let the mess be. Yes, I’ve reached the point where my little one comes into the kitchen with me, which is something... Just giving them more of that lightness. Yes, the children are more welcome in the kitchen.

11:08 Speaker 2 Describe Jacqueline for a moment—let her say something about what she heard.

11:11 Speaker 3 Ah, Jacqueline? She’s delighted! Where was a club like this in our day? Wow. The truth is, I grew up hearing my grandmother say there used to be this kind of club down by the river, where they would scrub the laundry. So there was a club there too: each woman would share what was weighing on her heart, and they’d support each other. Sometimes they’d swap clothes, and one would put on her friend’s, her neighbor’s, dress. She’d see how unattractive it was, how small it was on her, and then she’d understand what her neighbor was going through. And that would calm her down in a tangible way. But we’ve grown distant from one another. We don’t even go to a store to buy clothes anymore. We buy them by tapping “Add to cart, add to cart” in an app. You don’t even touch the fabric, try it on, nothing. You look like an app and feel like an app. And afterward people don’t understand why you have no spirit, no soul, no feelings or excitement. So you have to come into the Somechat Alayich club to understand that you actually came from the river, and you’re used to scrubbing and working hard. And you bring your joy through that hard work. Now come on, wrap it up, because I’ve run out of words.

12:18 Speaker 2 So you’re not giving Michal Shekler[?] any credit?

12:20 Speaker 3 Oh, wow, I’m giving her lots of credit.

12:22 Speaker 2 That’s very good to hear.

12:23 Speaker 3 Why? Because she works hard at it too.

12:25 Speaker 2 What does she do?

12:25 Speaker 3 And I have tremendous respect for people who work hard. Really hard.

12:28 Speaker 2 Oh, hard? That’s what you like—hard?

12:29 Speaker 3 Yes, it’s necessary. Because I’ll tell you something: this world was created for us to work hard. So if you don’t choose your challenge, it’ll come to you anyway.

12:38 Speaker 2 Are you playing the victim?

12:38 Speaker 3 G-d forbid. I’m just saying.

12:41 Speaker 2 Yes.

12:43 Speaker 3 Shh, there’s difficulty. It exists regardless of me.

12:47 Speaker 2 Oh.

12:47 Speaker 3 I’m not saying—I mean, it exists. Difficulty is built in. The world was created with difficulty. Yes? The fact that Hakadosh Boruch Hu made it without difficulty, just like that—what did He say? He just said, “Let there be darkness,” “Let there be light.” That doesn’t mean you can say, “Poof, a villa,” and a villa will appear. “Poof, the perfect husband,” and he’ll appear. It doesn’t mean that. It doesn’t.

13:09 Speaker 4 So the children know these characters at home.

13:11 Speaker 3 Of course! You have no idea. There were years when I’d speak normally and they wouldn’t recognize me.

13:18 Speaker 2 Start going with the flow, like that. Okay, come on, we’ve got something here. Ah, Shani’s curious.

13:23 Speaker 3 Come on, let’s start, like that.

13:25 Speaker 2 What do they need to do? A vocal recording.

13:26 Speaker 3 Like that.

13:27 Speaker 2 A vocal recording. One. I came, a girl asking them to open the gate to the club of the soul within me. I signed up impulsively, skeptical, judgmental, wondering why I’m the only one without my husband’s approval. No energy. I sat down in front of the Zoom with a short fuse. Let’s start with Jacqueline, let’s have Jacqueline make us laugh. Queen of criticism toward the mother I realize I am when I’m automatically in survival mode. So now, we came to... I’m going to sing because there’s a man here.

14:03 Speaker 3 Where’s the man?

14:03 Speaker 2 I’ll keep the rhythm going.

14:04 Speaker 3 Oh, he’s already—oh, yes.

14:05 Speaker 2 We came to the club to fulfill a dream with a joyful heart. Principles with lightness, laughter, joy, emotional availability, letting go and trusting. Cut. I stop and take a calm breath. I’m starting to become like Michal.

14:20 Speaker 3 Ahhh.

14:20 Speaker 2 The ability to improve. I’m better. Games with glass balls that turn into...?

14:25 Speaker 3 Rubber.

14:27 Speaker 2 A mother at peace, even with a daughter without socks at the playground.

14:31 Speaker 3 Nah.

14:33 Speaker 2 You’re amazing.

14:34 Speaker 3 Wow. And you’re amazing.

14:38 Speaker 2 That’s why we came to the club.

14:39 Speaker 3 Wow.

14:41 Speaker 4 Huh?

14:43 Speaker 2 No, we’ll—

14:44 Speaker 3 We’ll make a tune. We’ll—

14:46 Speaker 2 We’ll do it with AI.

14:47 Speaker 3 We’ll make a vocal recording; I’ll send it to you.

14:49 Speaker 2 Send us a vocal recording.

14:49 Speaker 3 Suno.

14:50 Speaker 2 Suno.

14:51 Speaker 3 You have no idea what’s happening to me.

14:53 Speaker 2 No, did I send you what I made for Michal? I make them myself.

14:56 Speaker 3 No, but I want—

14:56 Speaker 4 She made the [unclear] in Suno. Oh my goodness.

15:00 Speaker 3 Wow. Okay, so thank you.

15:01 Speaker 2 This podcast has been very long, but—

15:04 Speaker 3 Yes, what I just wanted to say is that when I came, it was about more than the tools I thought I’d pass on in the sessions and workshops.

15:11 Speaker 2 Copy them.

15:11 Speaker 3 Suddenly I realize, wow, it’s sinking into me. In the first month I wrote to Michal: “I’m resisting this. Listen, it isn’t working for me. A child does something, they should face a consequence. A good deed, a good consequence; a bad deed, a bad consequence.” You know, all the...

15:23 Speaker 2 Compassionate communication.

15:24 Speaker 3 Exactly. But no, no, no. I couldn’t grasp how to apply it at home. I have a daughter with autism, and there was no chance. I said, “This bot has no chance with her.” It wasn’t working with a child with autism. No, no, no, and then there’s the whole language issue with autism... Listen, it works. Her content, and the people you bring onto the Zoom sessions—suddenly something in the mother within me relaxed.

15:47 Speaker 2 Wow.

15:47 Speaker 3 And when the house is messy, I’m right there with her.

15:50 Speaker 2 Wow.

15:50 Speaker 3 How wonderful it is to live with the mess. I sing songs to them in the morning. How wonderful it is to get up—I was holding myself back just now. I’ve started singing songs to my children, not just onstage. Really being myself at home.

15:58 Speaker 4 Not just onstage.

15:59 Speaker 3 I see how comfortable you feel at home, and suddenly I said to myself, “Wait, my home is my stage. Where am I going to use this if not here?”

16:06 Speaker 4 That’s the stand-up-comedian mom. Where’s our applause?

16:10 Speaker 3 Beautiful. Thank you, Ruchale.

16:11 Speaker 2 Thank you.

16:11 Speaker 3 It was fun having you, and you’re talented. Invite Ruchale!

16:15 Speaker 4 Hello, Chaya.

16:18 Speaker 3 Chaya Eisenberg.

16:19 Speaker 4 Chaya Eisenberg.

16:20 Speaker 5 It’s very moving for me to be here at this stage.

16:24 Speaker 4 We’re moved too. Chaya, ah, this is the first time I’ve seen you, but—

16:31 Speaker 3 But you feel like you know me.

16:32 Speaker 4 But we feel like we know you.

16:33 Speaker 3 I already feel like I know you.

16:33 Speaker 4 Exactly. You’re so active on the Zoom sessions, and in the comments and messages you send, and the gifts you send. It simply warms the heart.

16:42 Speaker 3 So who are you?

16:42 Speaker 4 It’s wonderful.

16:43 Speaker 3 Leave aside for a moment that there’s no, no, no Michal Levitin.

16:45 Speaker 4 Who is Chaya Eisenberg?

16:47 Speaker 3 Exactly.

16:48 Speaker 5 Ah, where do I start?

16:50 Speaker 4 Where do you start? In Ashdod.

16:52 Speaker 5 In Ashdod. I’m married, a mother of four—three boys and a princess of a daughter. Ah, I never miss a Michal Levitin show. Except when they wouldn’t let me in. I didn’t have a choice.

17:03 Speaker 4 Yes, I’m one of those who were left outside twice. It’s not—

17:06 Speaker 3 You’ve been a fan of Michal since her shows.

17:08 Speaker 4 That’s not right.

17:09 Speaker 5 It’s not just me who’s a fan. My whole family never misses a Michal Levitin event.

17:12 Speaker 3 What is it about Michal Levitin that’s captivated you so much that you never miss one?

17:17 Speaker 5 When she performs, beyond her stand-up, you feel that the woman standing there is genuine. She isn’t putting on an act. That’s really her. She—

17:29 Speaker 3 What is it about that that speaks to you?

17:32 Speaker 5 What speaks to me? Wow, that’s a question—

17:34 Speaker 3 No, I mean, what makes you go every time? You could even go to the same show several times.

17:38 Speaker 5 I could go... Of course. No, not several times. I love it. Once I’ve seen something, I want something new.

17:44 Speaker 3 Ah. Something new, a fresh experience.

17:47 Speaker 5 I go to every show. Whenever I can, I don’t miss one, and if I do, I try to catch up.

17:53 Speaker 3 Now, you in particular—I’m interested in who you are. I said, for a moment, Michal Levitin doesn’t exist. Okay?

17:58 Speaker 5 Okay.

17:58 Speaker 4 I’m not here.

17:58 Speaker 3 Who are you? Who are you? What do you like to do? What do you do? Are you someone who enjoys culture, someone who—

18:04 Speaker 5 I love people. First of all, I love seeing people happy and being happy for one another, and sometimes I find it very hard when that’s not what I see. I tend to see the good in people, and when I see something different, it’s very hard for me to accept, because I’m not like that.

18:17 Speaker 3 Uh-huh. So you’d want to live in a world where everyone sees things the way you do. But that would be boring, too. Yes, okay.

18:23 Speaker 5 I wouldn’t want that. I’m working on myself, and I’m realizing that I’m not supposed to. It’s not supposed to upset me.

18:30 Speaker 3 People don’t have to be like you.

18:31 Speaker 5 Exactly.

18:32 Speaker 3 Okay.

18:34 Speaker 5 …

18:34 Speaker 3 What do you do day to day?

18:35 Speaker 5 What do I do day to day? For ten years I worked in customer service and sales. On the one hand, I enjoyed it. I like people, I’m outgoing, I enjoy that. But I didn’t come home feeling fulfilled by the work. I worked so hard for such a low salary.

18:53 Speaker 3 Was it the pay, or was it that you weren’t fulfilling your—

18:56 Speaker 5 I wasn’t reaching my potential.

18:56 Speaker 3 You weren’t reaching your potential. Okay.

18:57 Speaker 5 I’m not someone who’s motivated by money.

18:58 Speaker 3 Uh-huh.

18:59 Speaker 5 Not at all. And just a few weeks ago, I discovered that I really, really love marketing and sales.

19:08 Speaker 3 Was it when you started promoting the club? Is that where you discovered it?

19:11 Speaker 5 It wasn’t from that, no—

19:13 Speaker 3 No, she promotes the club.

19:14 Speaker 4 Like you wouldn’t believe.

19:15 Speaker 5 I didn’t discover it there. Not at all. I worked at Cal, the credit card company, and I really loved it. I left with a heavy heart because the hours didn’t work for me.

19:23 Speaker 3 Okay.

19:23 Speaker 5 It worked out less and less, and my manager would always tell me, “Chaya, you’re so good with customers, and the customers love you—”

19:30 Speaker 3 You see the customer.

19:31 Speaker 5 Yes. “Why aren’t you selling? You should be selling much more.” So I told her it was hard for me to sell a product I didn’t believe in. Like—

19:42 Speaker 3 You just told her that, no problem.

19:43 Speaker 4 Yes, like, she doesn’t believe this person needs a loan right now; it seems unnecessary to her.

19:47 Speaker 5 If I know that I—

19:48 Speaker 4 The loan—you know they won’t be able to pay it back, and then the bank will take more money, and that’s hard for you.

19:52 Speaker 5 But when I genuinely believed in it and saw that loans did help some people—say, they needed to buy a house right then and didn’t have the money—then the loan really did help them.

20:01 Speaker 4 So you sold it.

20:02 Speaker 5 So I sold it.

20:03 Speaker 3 Wow.

20:03 Speaker 5 I sold it.

20:03 Speaker 3 So you realized you’re good at sales. You like selling, but only what you believe in.

20:07 Speaker 5 Exactly.

20:08 Speaker 3 Amazing.

20:09 Speaker 5 And when I came to Michal Levitin, I saw a product here. First of all, let’s start with the fact that it’s affordable for everyone. Okay? We’re not talking about—someone who...

20:19 Speaker 4 It’s not some inflated loan with interest.

20:21 Speaker 3 The sales company, Gabi Zon[?]. You have someone here you can bring on board.

20:26 Speaker 4 Yes, there’s someone here... absolutely.

20:29 Speaker 3 I think she’s already got a track record, too.

20:30 Speaker 4 Yes, yes, she does.

20:31 Speaker 3 [unclear]

20:32 Speaker 4 Yes.

20:32 Speaker 3 I’ll put you in touch afterward.

20:33 Speaker 4 Yes.

20:35 Speaker 3 Huh?

20:35 Speaker 5 You’ll enjoy the content, you’ll enjoy the work, and you’ll earn from it, too.

20:41 Speaker 3 With Hashem’s help, we’ve come up with an idea here.

20:43 Speaker 4 Yes, yes.

20:44 Speaker 3 Good thing there’s time to listen.

20:45 Speaker 5 I feel—I really have to say this about Michal Levitin—I’m doing this wholeheartedly, because she truly deserves it. I’ve made an incredible change in myself. Of course, it’s thanks to Hashem, thank Hashem, but she brought me to a place where I’ve rediscovered myself on that level.

21:03 Speaker 3 How? How? You’re talking as if we’re on some kind of program... I mean, I know the club, I know all about it, but you’re speaking from such a deeply felt place...

21:13 Speaker 5 Her happiness and the—

21:15 Speaker 3 You really managed to catch that from her?

21:17 Speaker 5 Absolutely. And the content she shares—you can see that this is a person with substance and values, and it just affects you. There’s something deep inside her, and you feel like, day by day, you’re becoming a different Chaya.

21:34 Speaker 3 How beautiful.

21:34 Speaker 5 And I gave her—I sent her a gift after just a few days, I think. I’d barely known her a week, and my friends asked me—

21:39 Speaker 3 “What is this place? Why do you feel the need to give a gift?”

21:41 Speaker 5 Because I’m someone who shows gratitude. If I appreciate and love someone, I—

21:45 Speaker 3 And don’t people sometimes take advantage of that?

21:46 Speaker 5 No.

21:47 Speaker 3 No?

21:47 Speaker 5 No, not at all.

21:49 Speaker 3 Uh-huh.

21:49 Speaker 5 And I don’t say no lightly. I genuinely love giving, and I don’t find it hard to give. I love giving, and I don’t need people to give me something back.

21:59 Speaker 4 Which comes from a place of...

22:02 Speaker 3 I’m not entirely convinced by that, but I believe you. But okay, we—we... no.

22:06 Speaker 4 I think the universe gives back to her.

22:08 Speaker 5 No, I do like receiving gifts.

22:09 Speaker 3 You have an abundance mindset. You’re very much a person who sees abundance.

22:12 Speaker 5 No, no, no—she asked me. I like receiving gifts, but when it comes to people I genuinely feel grateful to, I don’t expect them to give me anything back. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve made an incredible change in my life.

22:20 Speaker 3 So when you give, you really want to express your gratitude for that. And for what others—

22:26 Speaker 5 Look, this isn’t something that happened overnight. There’s a personal story behind who I am. I’ve experienced a lot in life that caused me to grow.

22:36 Speaker 3 How beautiful.

22:37 Speaker 5 …

22:37 Speaker 3 You can tell us about it later.

22:38 Speaker 4 I’ll do a separate podcast.

22:41 Speaker 3 Oh, okay, then we’ll invite you sometime.

22:42 Speaker 4 It’s quite a story...

22:42 Speaker 5 Michal already knows my story.

22:44 Speaker 4 Yes.

22:44 Speaker 5 We’re still going through it. And I discovered—I really have to mention this—I was in Tzfas this week, and that sense of calm, suddenly being alone with my family...

22:58 Speaker 3 Clearing your head.

22:58 Speaker 5 It really made me... My husband said to me, “Tell me, what’s going on here? Every day you come to me with a new insight. You’ve become someone—”

23:04 Speaker 3 He doesn’t know who it is he’s living with anymore.

23:06 Speaker 5 It suddenly made me think about what I’ve done recently, in such a short time. And I have to tell you, Michal, I’ve truly made a change in myself. You don’t really know me, and something opened up inside me that made me realize I’d had dreams for so long, things I wanted to do to fulfill myself. But I’m very sensitive; I take things to heart. So people would always hold me back. I had a dream—

23:34 Speaker 3 You can get hurt.

23:35 Speaker 5 Exactly. For years, my lifelong dream was to study makeup. And since we’re talking about makeup, I’m studying with Sarah Bassan, and she’s amazing.

23:44 Speaker 3 Lucky you.

23:44 Speaker 5 And if anyone’s thinking of studying makeup, I recommend Sarah Bassan.

23:46 Speaker 3 You should see how she does hair.

23:47 Speaker 4 She’s at it all day, all day. It’s unbelievable. It’s in her blood. It’s just...

23:51 Speaker 3 Listen, you have to bring her onto my show. But wait a second—tell us about the focus group you said you started.

23:58 Speaker 5 Yes.

23:59 Speaker 3 What is it? Just a couple of words, because we need to finish.

24:01 Speaker 5 I noticed it mainly in my discussion group.

24:03 Speaker 3 On Tuesdays.

24:04 Speaker 5 I discovered there were women in the club who were a little confused.

24:08 Speaker 3 Overwhelmed.

24:09 Speaker 5 Yes. And with my soft heart, I thought, poor thing, she wants to get to know the... She’s just confused. I was confused like that at first, too. So I sent her a private message: “If you need help, reach out to me.”

24:19 Speaker 3 How, how...

24:21 Speaker 5 But once someone sent me a message—I forwarded it to Michal, too—and I told her, “Listen, that’s not up to me.” She’d messaged me as if I worked for her, about some technical issue, I don’t know. Contact customer service.

24:32 Speaker 3 They’re already coming to you with complaints.

24:34 Speaker 5 And then I thought, if there are women who... There really is so much there, and I felt that way at first, too, because there are genuinely so many things in your club.

24:44 Speaker 3 Yes.

24:44 Speaker 5 So I was overwhelmed, and today I—

24:45 Speaker 3 A full spread.

24:45 Speaker 5 Now I’m at a point where, at first, I always wanted to keep up, keep up, keep up. But I’ve made a change in myself, too, and some things have become automatic. What draws me most to the club right now is the secret status.

24:58 Speaker 3 Of course.

24:58 Speaker 5 I never miss it. The moment I see a secret status, I go straight to it—I don’t... Why? Because first of all, as interesting and fascinating as her regular status is, for anyone who doesn’t know the secret status, she posts things there that go much further. You get to see the—it’s secret, in short.

25:14 Speaker 3 She likes secrets. She doesn’t like being left out. She likes it when—

25:18 Speaker 5 And the Zoom sessions, too—I wouldn’t... I’d be there with all the kids, and I’d give them games and sweets. Just let me be on the Zoom for a moment; the main thing is, keep quiet so I can...

25:28 Speaker 3 Give me my time.

25:29 Speaker 5 And everything, really, I take something from every single thing. I don’t miss a video. By the way, I saw that not everyone connected with “Mom’s Stage.” Personally, there were a few weeks when I didn’t do it with my kids, just because I was so busy. I didn’t get to it, and in Tzfas they said to me, “You haven’t brought us Mom’s Stage for a few weeks now.”

25:51 Speaker 3 Wow.

25:51 Speaker 5 They asked me to play the previous games again. That’s how much they wanted it.

25:55 Speaker 3 Wow.

25:55 Speaker 5 So for me, it has everything. The discussion group too—how she responds to each person and gives of herself, even recording three- or four-minute messages.

26:05 Speaker 3 Well, maybe in a little while Chaya will approach you about customer service.

26:08 Speaker 5 Yes, just let me finish this focus group.

26:11 Speaker 3 Customer service.

26:11 Speaker 5 There are twelve women in our group so far. There are women—

26:13 Speaker 3 Look, they opened a group for me within the club. It’s unbelievable.

26:17 Speaker 5 There are women who find it very hard, who don’t feel comfortable opening up to such a large group.

26:21 Speaker 3 Right.

26:22 Speaker 5 So they simply found their place there, like a family. And I was—

26:25 Speaker 3 Open lots more groups of twelve. Yes.

26:28 Speaker 5 And I poured my heart out there. They poured their hearts out there so much that when I was busy—because I was on vacation and didn’t have time for it—they sent me private messages: “Chaya, where are you?”

26:37 Speaker 3 What’s going on?

26:37 Speaker 5 “What’s going on?” I said, “I’m not Michal Levitin. I only opened this so—”

26:41 Speaker 3 How wonderful.

26:42 Speaker 5 They asked me to send them reminders. They asked—

26:44 Speaker 3 Michal, what do you want to say to Chaya? That I should open a community within a community here? First of all, I really appreciate your energy and your drive in the club. I think it’s contagious. Your responses on the Zoom calls, too—they give so much. And you show me so much as well. You find things to highlight that I hadn’t even noticed.

27:07 Speaker 5 Light, points of light.

27:08 Speaker 3 Very much so. I say to myself, “Wow, what she just said about…” You’re offering a compliment, expressing gratitude, and I think, “Wow, that really was something.” It feels so good. Don’t stop. And you should know that—

27:20 Speaker 5 And by the way, most of those recordings you’ve heard—that’s me with my voice changed.

27:26 Speaker 3 She records messages for me—

27:29 Speaker 5 That she sends in the group.

27:29 Speaker 3 That she sends, saying how it helped her and what it did for her.

27:33 Speaker 5 Nobody recognized me.

27:34 Speaker 3 And I just—

27:35 Speaker 5 Even my best friends write, “Are you putting that on your status again?”

27:39 Speaker 3 She told me, “I don’t want people to recognize me.” No problem. So now she gets a different voice every day. Once you were a teacher, once you were a student, once you were—anyway, yes, it’s her.

27:48 Speaker 5 We’ve revealed our secrets to you.

27:49 Speaker 3 Chaya!

27:50 Speaker 5 Thank you.

27:50 Speaker 3 Wow.

27:51 Speaker 5 Tamar.

27:52 Speaker 3 Bring Tamar to the microphone.

27:52 Speaker 5 Nice to meet you, Tamar. Speak into the microphone.

27:54 Speaker 6 Hi, I’m Tamar Bashari.

27:56 Speaker 5 You’re all so sweet.

27:58 Speaker 6 Yes.

27:59 Speaker 3 Wow. Did you come from far away?

28:00 Speaker 6 I came from Jerusalem.

28:01 Speaker 3 Good for you.

28:02 Speaker 6 I got here after something held me up, but I really—

28:06 Speaker 3 But here you are, right on time.

28:07 Speaker 6 Yes, exactly.

28:08 Speaker 3 Tell us about yourself.

28:09 Speaker 6 I want you to understand that I’ve been through so much up to this point in my life. I’ll sum it up in about a minute and a half. I hope I can do it as quickly as possible, and then you’ll understand why I’m so thrilled and happy to be part of this big thing that I feel is taking shape. In another six months I’ll be forty, though maybe I don’t look it.

28:31 Speaker 3 Not at all.

28:33 Speaker 6 And at the end of this month, at the end of June, I’ll celebrate nineteen years since my conversion.

28:38 Speaker 3 Wow, wow.

28:39 Speaker 6 My mother is Armenian, and my father is Jewish, originally from Ukraine. At first I converted just so that… But in the end I fell deeply in love with Judaism, thanks to the incredible families I met and got to know. I’m my parents’ only child, and when I got married about fifteen years ago, my dream was to have ten children. I told my husband, and he said, “Okay, fine.” He was an only child too. He said okay. Then I gave birth to my first child, and I said—

29:10 Speaker 3 I don’t think this is for me.

29:12 Speaker 6 I took my words back. I changed my mind. And then, sadly, the marriage didn’t work out and I got divorced. I married again, and the second marriage didn’t work out either. Boruch Hashem, five years ago I married my dear husband, Shai, and he came with six children. I told him about my original dream, and he said, “Here, here I am.”

29:31 Speaker 3 Wow.

29:32 Speaker 6 I—

29:32 Speaker 3 I saved you the trouble.

29:33 Speaker 6 I saved you the trouble.

29:34 Speaker 3 I saved you the journey.

29:35 Speaker 6 Six girls. “You don’t have to give birth to six. Come on, you have one son.” I have one son from my first marriage, so that already made seven. Boruch Hashem, we have two daughters together, and a third is on the way. We’ve reached ten.

29:46 Speaker 3 Wow, wow, wow, wow.

29:49 Speaker 6 But what can I do? I grew up as an only child in a home with a lot of criticism. A lot of criticism.

29:58 Speaker 3 An only child with a lot of criticism.

29:59 Speaker 7 I have a new project: I want to open a group for only daughters.

30:02 Speaker 6 Listen, the criticism I grew up with, and the criticism I pass on to my oldest son—he’s fourteen and driving me up the wall right now. He’s been living for three weeks with my mother, who isn’t Jewish, in the Quarter. Hashem have mercy on me. And I say, I want to be a good mother. I want to give to him, to love him. I want to accept him the way the families who took me in accepted me when I converted. They opened up a whole world to me, their homes and their hearts. They loved and respected me and gave me everything. And I want to give him much more than that, because I’m his biological mother. So that’s the background I came to the club with—all of this around raising children, and my desire to be a good mother and to be happy, happy, happy. That’s the…

30:42 Speaker 3 Your face looks very happy.

30:44 Speaker 6 I am a happy person, but I feel that raising children is bringing me to a point where I have to learn real happiness, from deep inside.

30:53 Speaker 3 Wow.

30:54 Speaker 6 Right now I have a three-and-a-half-year-old daughter and a daughter who’s a year and five months old, and, with Hashem’s help, the next one is due in three months. And there’s a huge age gap: my oldest is fourteen, and then my daughter is three. So I had an eleven-year break, in a way. I was sure I was doing an amazing job raising him. But then adolescence arrived, and…

31:13 Speaker 3 And you went back to school.

31:14 Speaker 6 And I went back to school.

31:15 Speaker 3 So what does the club do for you?

31:17 Speaker 6 The club gives me tremendous hope, because I think… Who mentioned “the envy of scholars” here? The envy of scholars. I look at your status and say, “That’s the kind of home I want.” I’m not asking for much, really. Really, I’m asking—

31:30 Speaker 3 The envy of scholars, and inspiration.

31:32 Speaker 6 Inspiration, yes. Happy children, and for me to be happy and take joy in them. Because I think, my goodness, the families who took me in when I was converting—they knew me when I wasn’t even Jewish yet. Before my conversion, they opened their home, their fridge, their lives to me. A very special family, the Tzali[?] family from the Jewish Quarter. They have nine children, and I’m considered something like number ten in their home, and they—

31:54 Speaker 3 And that’s why you wanted ten children.

31:56 Speaker 6 Maybe. Maybe, maybe that’s it. I say, if they trusted me to be part of their family when they didn’t even really know me, then that’s what I want for my biological children. Boruch Hashem, we also had the merit of marrying off two of my husband’s daughters this year, and one of them is due to give birth any moment.

32:14 Speaker 3 Wow, so you’re about to be a grandmother too.

32:15 Speaker 6 A grandmother too. I’m not even forty, and I’m already going to be a grandmother, and…

32:19 Speaker 3 What’s your wish for the mothers listening to us?

32:22 Speaker 6 Oh, be happy. Take joy in yourselves and criticize yourselves less. I wish that for myself too.

32:29 Speaker 3 That’s a gentle wish for yourself. You’re wonderful.

32:31 Speaker 6 Thank you, and—

32:32 Speaker 3 And may it all happen in good health.

32:34 Speaker 8 Wow, thank you. How moving.

32:37 Speaker 6 It was so hard to arrive late.

32:39 Speaker 8 Wow.

32:40 Speaker 3 It took time.

32:41 Speaker 8 You’re amazing. Thank you for coming.

32:42 Speaker 6 Thank you so much.

32:43 Speaker 8 Wow, wow, wow, wonderful! Chaya Steinbuch, wow, thank you so much for being with us. Yes.

32:53 Speaker 3 Hello, Chaya.

32:54 Speaker 9 Hello, Chani. Nice to meet you.

32:56 Speaker 3 Nice to meet you. So you’re another guest here with us on the podcast. Tell us who you are.

33:04 Speaker 9 I produce events for people who live abroad. That is, the parents live overseas and the children study here in schools.

33:14 Speaker 3 What a brilliant concept. How did you come up with the idea?

33:17 Speaker 9 The truth is, I didn’t really come up with the idea.

33:19 Speaker 3 The idea came to you.

33:20 Speaker 9 It pushed me—

33:21 Speaker 8 Yes, yes, yes.

33:21 Speaker 9 Into it. I worked for many years at a seminary for girls from Brazil, and there—

33:30 Speaker 8 What happened was, girls found shidduchim and there was no one to organize their weddings.

33:33 Speaker 9 I was in charge of their shidduchim, and I would also produce the actual events for them. At some point, my friends from Brazil started marrying off children here in Israel, and they asked me.

33:46 Speaker 3 What’s the problem? I can do it for you.

33:48 Speaker 9 So at some point it really became a profession. I’ve been doing weddings for twenty-three years now.

33:54 Speaker 3 Wow.

33:55 Speaker 9 But I started working with people from abroad ten years ago, and it’s all been word of mouth. I don’t advertise at all.

34:03 Speaker 3 How many weddings can you do in a month? How does it work?

34:06 Speaker 9 So I actually don’t do many weddings in a month, because I take on packages I call VIP. Meaning, I’m marrying off a child, and I go with the bride to choose her wedding dress.

34:19 Speaker 3 Oh, really.

34:19 Speaker 9 I go with her to choose her wig.

34:21 Speaker 8 Her parents are abroad.

34:22 Speaker 9 I do everything, so you can’t really do two weddings like that.

34:27 Speaker 8 You can’t marry off two children in one week.

34:29 Speaker 9 No. So my goal is to do one a month. Sometimes I do two, sometimes three; sometimes I take on a half-VIP package.

34:44 Speaker 8 Meaning, without the wig. Sweetie, you’ll have to handle that yourself.

34:47 Speaker 3 Wow.

34:48 Speaker 8 Something like that.

34:48 Speaker 3 Wait, and now you’re a few days away from your child’s wedding.

34:52 Speaker 8 Your own child’s.

34:53 Speaker 3 No, I don’t even know anymore. It’s all real to me now.

34:55 Speaker 9 Really. And this was the most interesting part, because at the end of the winter I was under the most pressure I’d ever been under. Everything with the war turned all my weddings upside down, and I had to rearrange them.

35:07 Speaker 3 Lots of unexpected changes.

35:08 Speaker 9 I had twelve hours to turn an entire wedding into something else. So for two days I thought, wow, I have two days—how wonderful! And I hadn’t done a thing for my daughter, nothing. So after Pesach I started everything from scratch, all of it.

35:26 Speaker 3 And what’s the difference between someone else’s child and your own? That must have been interesting too.

35:33 Speaker 9 It was really interesting. I had to let go of my glass balls quickly, and at a certain point I said, wow, I really have to change my whole approach. For example, I’m extremely precise about schedules. Everyone in the industry knows I’m a little crazy about it.

35:57 Speaker 8 If the schedule says the chuppah is at eight, it’ll be at eight, even if the groom hasn’t arrived.

36:03 Speaker 9 Really. I remember a wedding that Baruch Greenberg photographed. The couple went into the yichud room, and he took a screenshot on his phone: it said “yichud room, 7:45,” and his camera showed 7:45. Wow, wow. I’m really... I think the production team here likes that too. The... yes. Now, a schedule that runs like clockwork has all sorts of other things built into it. I make a schedule from the moment the bride opens her eyes in the morning until... wow, I’m getting tired... until the time for photographs. But it’s very important, because if you take into account that she needs, say, ten minutes to daven, that affects your schedule. I want to hear about your mother. Oh, so now I had all sorts of things on the schedule that I would never normally do. For instance, my daughter wanted a particular hairstyle that not everyone knows how to do. I asked around, and people recommended Miri Rosenstein. Okay, I call her. She says, “Oh, I have a bride in the morning.” I never hire a makeup artist or hairstylist who has another event that day. Another event on the same day. But I booked her. And then I start thinking, what matters more—keeping the schedule running like clockwork, or... Maybe you gave her the injection the night before and told her to sleep standing up. I’ve warned Miri five times already: “You’re coming with your blow-dryer ready, right?” Because we really don’t have time. Anyway, there was all that, and then suddenly my daughter says, “But I want photos with horses.” And I’m like, horses? I would never let a bride go somewhere she might get her dress dirty. Your daughter comes along and challenges you. Completely, completely, completely. And then I start... Oh, she wants

38:00 Speaker 9 ten friends with her. I would never let a bride bring ten friends. So what do you do? They won’t fit in the car. So you let go. You let go. There’s chaos and everything. I had a brilliant idea. I said, “I’m putting this on Ariel Rabinsky. If Ariel approves...” The photographer. Right. I call Ariel, and he says, “Let her, let her, let her.” How wonderful. Hakadosh Boruch Hu is really teaching you a lesson here. The wedding is on Lag BaOmer, which means you can’t start the chuppah before ten to eight. Right. Right. I’ve never started a chuppah... Starting a chuppah at ten to eight. Oh, that’s late. You also have to give the guests food to keep them going. It costs more. The families arrive in the middle of serving the main course. The main course. It creates chaos. Wow. In short, everything that I don’t like doing... For the bride, I’ll do it. I told myself, wait, I need my employee. I have an amazing employee who steadies me whenever I get stressed. He tells me, “It’s okay, it’s okay, everything’s fine.” Eli Abramovitch works with me, a wonderful, wonderful guy. Anyway, he really balances things out... He gives you a reset all the time. So I had to take all my glass balls and turn them into rubber balls when it came to her schedule. It was like... like taking a muscle and training it. Wow, wow, it was something. But look at you, sitting here a few days before the wedding. I wouldn’t miss Michal for anything. Why? What is it? What does the club give you? I think that, for me, Michal is about more than all the laughs and the characters. I met her through Yehudis Aryeh, who married a Brazilian, and that’s how

40:05 Speaker 9 I got to know her. Right. Yehudis Aryeh is the other actress I perform with in Tali Avrahami’s shows, for anyone who doesn’t know. But when I looked at Michal’s status, what drew me in even more was the way she is as a mother—how she lets go. That vibe. The lightness of it. That’s why I wanted to join the club too, because I am so not easygoing. No, not at all. But look, you received a gift. The glass balls and rubber balls brought you to this point. Completely. Now, my mother arrived for the wedding at four in the morning on Friday, and we have a tradition going back years and years: on the first Shabbos that my mother is here, all the children have to come—all the married ones, all the grandchildren, everyone. They all have to be at your house. “Have to” at your house, with a capital H. They have to. Wow, wow. Anyway, suddenly I say to myself, wait, my mother arrives at four in the morning. That means I won’t sleep all night. She arrives on Friday, and then she’ll want to chat and have breakfast, and so on. I won’t start cooking before twelve. I said, this is a glass ball I have to smash. I won’t manage it. Wow. And I’ve always made myself manage it. Whether it’s Rosh Hashanah with five married children for three days straight, no matter what it is, I’ve always felt I had to. So you recognize that it’s a glass ball, and you decide to smash it, to turn it into a rubber ball. So what did you do? What did I do? First I said, I’ll ask my mother, because having the children there matters to her too. So I asked her. She said, “Absolutely not. I’m arriving at four in the morning. No way. Shabbos alone, just with the little ones.” The “little ones” are between fifteen and twenty-two. Yes, but they’re the little ones. Shabbos just with the little ones. And then I said:

42:07 Speaker 9 Now how am I going to tell my children they’re not invited for Shabbos? I don’t want to hurt them. I kept going back and forth: don’t say it, don’t say it, do say it. I said, I’m going to the bot. So I wrote to it: “Listen, here’s the situation. I don’t want to... How do I write this nicely so nobody gets hurt?” That’s the bot’s specialty—how to phrase things without... It wrote the message for me, and we changed it a bit. Then I wrote back, sort of upgrading its message, and said, “I won’t be able to host for Shabbos.” It said, “What do you mean, ‘won’t be able’? You’re not asking anyone’s permission. You’re their mother. Take that out.” It meant well, it meant well. “I get nachas from them. Take that out.” Anyway, this was the first Shabbos with Mom, and I said, “I can’t bring myself not to invite anyone.” So I told my two married children who live nearby, “Come for a meal if you want, but not for the whole Shabbos.” The bot didn’t agree with me. Nice. It said, “Whoever wants to come—okay, one meal.” So I invited both married children, and only one came for the morning meal. And honestly, this whole thing of letting go of the glass balls—of actually smashing them—took a burden off me. Wow. It really took a burden off me. Wow. Hakadosh Boruch Hu prepared you for this ahead of the wedding and all your daughter’s demands. Completely. And there’s another story that wasn’t about the balls, but it is about holding the reins as a mother. Because when you have married children, teenagers, little ones, a husband, and clients calling you all the time because I have the summer wedding, everything starts getting muddled. Anyway, this past week I...

44:04 Speaker 9 A week ago, I still didn’t have a dress for the wedding. Everyone has her own style and all that. They decided among themselves on light blue. Wow. And I said, “Guys, light blue on a heavy woman? I can’t wear light blue.” “No, Mom, it’s summery,” and all that. So I said, “Fine.” Tell her, tell her, if you show up with your eyes... that’s the light blue. Light blue. So it was basically everything I hadn’t wanted. Wow. Light blue too. And you let go on that? Light blue too. You like light blue. What a champion. And [unclear] the invitation too. Wow. And to go to Tel Aviv, buy clo—uh, fabrics, and get measured. Listen, you sound like an amazing person. And I kept telling myself, “Okay, it’s not so bad here, not so bad there, not so bad there.” In the end, my dress was ugly. So I looked at my children and said, “Goodbye, I’m going to buy a dress.” There you go. And I don’t care that everyone bought the same fabric, that we had an outing to Tel Aviv, that I had more sewing done. Yesterday I went to the place I go to for every wedding and bought myself a ready-made dress. Nice. The kind you like. And everyone said, “Mom, it doesn’t match, it’s not the color, it’s not quite right,” and I don’t know what else, “and it looks like a housecoat.” And I told them, “I feel comfortable in the dress I bought.” Amazing. You’re amazing, Chaya. Lots of mazal tov. Thank you. Lots and lots of mazal tov.

45:45 Speaker 10 And thank you for sharing.

45:47 Speaker 9 Ruti Koren is with us. How wonderful! Thank you so much for coming. Ruti, where are you from?

45:53 Speaker 11 Bnei Brak.

45:54 Speaker 9 Bnei Brak.

45:56 Speaker 10 How was it for you?

45:58 Speaker 11 Wow. It’s one of those things.

46:00 Speaker 10 Listen, your name is Koren, and you’re glowing.

46:02 Speaker 9 Yes.

46:02 Speaker 10 What a...

46:03 Speaker 9 Really.

46:03 Speaker 10 What? I didn’t understand.

46:04 Speaker 9 You can see it on your face without you even saying a word.

46:06 Speaker 11 Yes.

46:06 Speaker 9 I don’t know—I see a story here, I see a journey, I see strength, I see light. Now tell me, how does it all fit together?

46:12 Speaker 11 Basically, I’m a baalas teshuvah. Oh.

46:15 Speaker 10 What does that mean, a baalas teshuvah? You weren’t religious?

46:18 Speaker 11 Uh, we were traditional. We used a hotplate on Shabbos; we didn’t write.

46:22 Speaker 10 Because you have such a hardcore chareidi face. Amazing. How many years?

46:28 Speaker 11 It’s been many years for me, yes.

46:30 Speaker 10 At what age did you become observant?

46:31 Speaker 11 I started at twenty-three.

46:33 Speaker 10 Wow.

46:35 Speaker 11 Yes.

46:35 Speaker 10 And was it through Chabad?

46:38 Speaker 11 Uh, no, no. I went to a women’s Torah school in Petach Tikvah. Just gradually, gradually. I married someone who became observant through Torah and Emunah. When I was born, I couldn’t digest milk. I needed breast milk, and my mother didn’t have any.

46:54 Speaker 10 Wow.

46:55 Speaker 11 So they told my grandfather, of blessed memory, to go to a certain woman at an address in Bnei Brak and knock on her door. She was an Alexander chassid, and she gave me milk.

47:05 Speaker 9 So you were raised on a chassid’s milk?

47:07 Speaker 11 Exactly.

47:07 Speaker 9 That’s the story.

47:08 Speaker 10 Like Moshe Rabbeinu.

47:10 Speaker 9 Did you know that when you became—when you came to Chassidus?

47:13 Speaker 10 No, she probably grew up hearing the story.

47:15 Speaker 11 Our families remained friends all their lives.

47:16 Speaker 9 Oh, okay, okay.

47:17 Speaker 11 Even though we were...

47:18 Speaker 9 Wow, a traditional family received chassidic milk, and here’s a chassi—beautiful. Well, we can wrap up the podcast now.

47:23 Speaker 10 Still, still the name...

47:24 Speaker 9 Still the name Avish, yes. Wow.

47:27 Speaker 11 Yes, uh, that’s it. That’s how it began. And Chassidus is what—

47:33 Speaker 10 What kind of girl were you? What kind of student?

47:36 Speaker 11 I was a perfect little girl. I’m always saying to my children and my mother, “Where was I, and where are you?”

47:43 Speaker 10 Why, what are your children like?

47:44 Speaker 11 Oh, attention issues, hyperactivity, and so on.

47:49 Speaker 9 All the gifts.

47:50 Speaker 11 All the gifts.

47:50 Speaker 9 The whole package.

47:52 Speaker 10 How many children do you have?

47:53 Speaker 11 Three, boruch Hashem.

47:54 Speaker 10 Three children. Wow.

47:55 Speaker 11 But I’ve been divorced twice.

47:57 Speaker 10 Wow.

47:59 Speaker 9 I love how you managed to say “divorced twice” and swat away the mosquito at the same time.

48:04 Speaker 11 Yes.

48:05 Speaker 9 Nice.

48:07 Speaker 11 Anyway, boruch Hashem, I’ve been through—as you say—a very long journey from feeling like a victim, thinking how hard everything is for me and how bad I have it, and seeing only what’s wrong in life, to seeing the good.

48:21 Speaker 9 What kind of mother are you today?

48:26 Speaker 11 Happy, mainly. Happy and laughing, and not...

48:31 Speaker 9 And does that come easily to you?

48:32 Speaker 11 No, not at all.

48:33 Speaker 9 It takes work. “Serve Hashem with joy.”

48:35 Speaker 11 Yes, very much. It really, really does.

48:38 Speaker 9 Wow. How old are your children?

48:42 Speaker 11 My oldest had his bar mitzvah four months ago.

48:44 Speaker 9 Mazal tov.

48:45 Speaker 11 Thank you.

48:46 Speaker 9 Now it begins.

48:48 Speaker 11 It’s begun.

48:49 Speaker 9 His G-dly soul has now fully entered him.

48:52 Speaker 11 Absolutely, yes, boruch Hashem. The second is eleven and a half, and the youngest—a gift from my second marriage, which lasted barely a year and ten months—is five.

49:02 Speaker 9 Wow.

49:03 Speaker 11 Her name is Chani.

49:04 Speaker 9 Oh, how lovely.

49:07 Speaker 11 Yes.

49:07 Speaker 9 So today you’re a single mother?

49:09 Speaker 11 Yes.

49:10 Speaker 9 And what’s that like?

49:11 Speaker 11 Very hard.

49:13 Speaker 9 And do you want to get married?

49:16 Speaker 11 Yes.

49:16 Speaker 9 With Hashem’s help.

49:16 Speaker 11 I still have hope, and I hope the right one will come along and this time it will finally work.

49:21 Speaker 9 He exists.

49:21 Speaker 11 He exists. So yes, I pray that... There has to be someone, right?

49:25 Speaker 9 Well, now that you’re a happy mother, all the more so.

49:27 Speaker 11 No, I think that, in the end, where we are in life also draws to us what we want. Though not right now, because I think it would be a challenge for my children, for the boys. I can’t bring someone into their lives yet. I need them to grow up a little.

49:43 Speaker 9 Hashem will provide for them in any case.

49:44 Speaker 11 Yes, those are His plans. Children are very flexible, and they also accept changes much more readily than we do.

49:52 Speaker 9 If it’s good, if it’s good and right for them.

49:54 Speaker 11 Exactly, yes.

49:54 Speaker 9 And what do you do? What do you do day to day?

49:56 Speaker 11 I’m a homemaker.

49:57 Speaker 9 A homemaker. Being a full-time mother is...

49:59 Speaker 11 Very full-time.

50:01 Speaker 9 And do you enjoy it?

50:02 Speaker 11 Uh, yes. Yes.

50:04 Speaker 9 What does the club give you?

50:07 Speaker 11 First of all, honestly, the joy of being together. And second...

50:12 Speaker 9 Do you feel a sense of community there?

50:13 Speaker 11 Yes.

50:14 Speaker 9 Wow.

50:15 Speaker 11 A sense of community. And besides that, seeing Michal. Because the fact is, I grew up in one kind of home, and I’m raising my children in a home I didn’t grow up in. The parenting was different, with more situations to deal with, more shouting, more... So seeing Michal—honestly, that’s what I aspire to.

50:34 Speaker 9 Wow. So you have someone who inspires you, a role model.

50:37 Speaker 11 Yes. It’s very hard, yes, it’s...

50:39 Speaker 9 Of course. It takes work.

50:41 Speaker 11 Hard work, but with Hashem’s help.

50:43 Speaker 9 With Hashem’s help. Of everything in the club, what is the thing you love and take with you?

50:49 Speaker 11 Mainly the goal—that if I fall and I fail...

50:53 Speaker 9 Oh, the goal-and-text model. The goal model, wow.

50:56 Speaker 11 So if I fall, I really try to work through what to do. And the bot really helps in emergencies too.

51:06 Speaker 9 It helps. It’s amazing, actually, how women have come through here and each one takes one thing.

51:11 Speaker 11 One thing.

51:12 Speaker 9 And that realization is really something special. Is there anything else you’d like to say to Michal?

51:20 Speaker 11 No, thank you so much.

51:20 Speaker 9 With your radiant face. Your smile says it all.

51:23 Speaker 11 What’s funny is, I wasn’t following the status updates, and I was... My aunt, who isn’t religious, was at some birthday party in Charish. She hadn’t wished me a happy birthday, and then she saw you—she saw a chareidi woman. She said, “Hey, I must know her.” And she had you wish me a happy birthday. That’s what made me start following the status updates. I didn’t even know they existed.

51:48 Speaker 9 Wow, that’s wild.

51:49 Speaker 11 So, how old am I? You don’t know.

51:51 Speaker 9 No.

51:52 Speaker 11 How old am I?

51:52 Speaker 9 You’re a young woman. You—no, you said earlier that your son had his bar mitzvah, so I don’t... You’d have to be at least... uh...

51:59 Speaker 11 No, not how old am I. How old do I look?

52:00 Speaker 9 Twenty-eight, twenty-nine. Wait, if her son had his bar mitzvah, that doesn’t make sen—does it?

52:04 Speaker 11 No, that doesn’t make sense.

52:05 Speaker 9 No.

52:05 Speaker 11 Thirty-five.

52:06 Speaker 9 Thirty-two.

52:07 Speaker 11 So I’ll be forty-four.

52:09 Speaker 9 Wow! How wonderful for you. With Hashem’s help, may a good husband come your way, and, um, may you find a partner who understands you. Thank you.

52:20 Speaker 11 Thank you very much.

52:21 Speaker 9 Okay. Chaya Cohen.

52:24 Speaker 12 Hello.

52:25 Speaker 9 Hello, welcome.

52:26 Speaker 12 I’m from Kiryat Malachi.

52:28 Speaker 9 Speak right into the microphone. Great.

52:31 Speaker 12 I’m good. As I said, I’m a mother of seven children, including two sets of twins.

52:37 Speaker 9 Two sets of twins. Two sets of twins. Tell me about the first time. What happened?

52:44 Speaker 12 The first birth was twins, then a single baby.

52:46 Speaker 9 So wait—you’re a mother of twins. Your first birth was twins.

52:49 Speaker 12 A gift of twins, yes.

52:50 Speaker 9 Wow. And how did that go? I mean, a gift...

52:53 Speaker 12 Luckily, I have an amazing mother-in-law and had an amazing father-in-law, of blessed memory. They raised one of them while the other was in the NICU, so I was split between them.

53:02 Speaker 9 Wow, so that wasn’t simple.

53:04 Speaker 12 A month later I was already raising them on my own, because my husband was working.

53:09 Speaker 9 Wow.

53:10 Speaker 12 I mean, he helped when he could.

53:11 Speaker 9 At what point did you find out you were carrying twins?

53:14 Speaker 12 Wow, that was when I... I found out there had been a kind of miscarriage. I mean, what do I mean by “a kind of”? There was a miscarriage, and I went to a rabbi. The rabbi said, “Observe the necessary restrictions and go to a doctor as soon as possible.” I said, “Okay, it’s Friday, it’s not urgent. I’ll go to the doctor next week.” Little did I imagine how...

53:34 Speaker 9 As soon as possible.

53:35 Speaker 12 What does “as soon as possible” mean? And I got to the doctor, and the doctor said, “Come here, you’ve got two.” I got the shock of my life, because there are no twins on either side of our family.

53:45 Speaker 9 Wow.

53:46 Speaker 12 Oh, the joy.

53:48 Speaker 9 How old were you then?

53:49 Speaker 12 Twenty-one. Twenty-two.

53:53 Speaker 9 Oh, just a kid. Yes, and then you gave birth, and one was in the NICU and the other...

53:57 Speaker 12 One was in the NICU. She was born weighing 1.77 kilos, with a bracha from the Rebbe.

54:01 Speaker 9 A boy and a girl?

54:02 Speaker 12 A boy and a girl. We needed to have the boy’s bris while the girl was still in the NICU, and the Rebbe also gave him a bracha for his name, even though my children don’t have Chabad names. His name is Daniel, but it’s a bracha from the Rebbe.

54:15 Speaker 9 Wow.

54:16 Speaker 12 I very much follow the Rebbe’s path: what the Rebbe says, I do. And one of the things the Rebbe told me was to work in education. But however much I learned in different workshops and other things, none of it stuck with me. I’d been following Michal Levitin’s status updates for years, and I kept asking her, “But how do you do it? How can you stay calm when milk spills or a dish breaks, or all those things that can drive me crazy?” I’m very particular about cleanliness, and everything has to be just so. It was very hard for me, and I kept saying, “Come on, Michal, do something. Teach us. Give us the...”

54:55 Speaker 9 No, I told you—you were one of the people asking for the club.

54:59 Speaker 12 Yes, yes, and every time...

55:00 Speaker 9 When you said that, what did you have in mind? What did you want?

55:02 Speaker 12 I really wanted her to start something, to give us a tool. How do you actually raise calm children?

55:07 Speaker 9 How did you imagine I’d do that?

55:09 Speaker 12 Honestly, what you did exceeded my expectations. I couldn’t have asked for anything better. I thought maybe you’d put up an idea, an exercise, something. Maybe that would be the most...

55:22 Speaker 9 And that’s something you’d be willing to pay for, too.

55:23 Speaker 12 Yes. At first she also said once a month.

55:26 Speaker 9 What amount did you write down?

55:27 Speaker 12 Oh, wow, I said whatever she wanted. I really meant it, because I paid 2,500 shekels for a couples-counseling course and didn’t use it even a little, and I couldn’t get answers there either. Here, you get answers—whether it’s through the bot or even personal questions I send her and she responds to. I’ve said this a few times: you really won me over. Even on Erev Pesach. I mean, who answers someone on Erev Pesach, even if they’re unemployed, even if they’re...

55:57 Speaker 9 I’m telling you, I was a guest for the Seder.

55:58 Speaker 12 That doesn’t matter.

56:00 Speaker 9 No, I... Why, what did you ask her on Erev Pesach?

56:02 Speaker 12 Oh, we had an incident with the neighbors. My twin boys made a mess, and the neighbors were really on my case. And come on, I had to cook. I was hosting, unlike Michal, who was a guest, and it was very hard for me to go into Yom Tov happily, because the damage to a car was going to cost a lot of money, and I didn’t know what to do. She really gave me an answer, and it was so... We went into the Seder, and I was stunned. The morning after the Seder, my mother said to me, “Wow, what a calm Seder! It was so nice.” I looked at my husband and thought, We’re both upset about what happened, so how did we really get through it so calmly? Everyone took part, everyone was happy, and it was really, really something.

56:54 Speaker 9 Has your husband noticed the club?

56:56 Speaker 12 Oh, my husband—this is actually the only club he agrees I should stay in.

57:01 Speaker 9 Wow.

57:01 Speaker 12 He doesn’t believe in the others. He really takes this one seriously.

57:04 Speaker 9 He sees results. He sees successes.

57:05 Speaker 12 Oh, yes, we’re still in the process. We also have a bracha from the Rebbe that everything will come. “If you’ve toiled and found success, believe it”—and it’ll come bit by bit, not all at once. That reinforces what Michal says even more: don’t take on everything, just what works for you, until you get to where you need to be with it.

57:23 Speaker 9 Wow!

57:24 Speaker 12 And I really enjoy being in this club every day, every day. At first I was doing absolutely everything, and little by little I narrowed it down to what was right for me. It really did me good, because when I need something else, I can pull it out right away.

57:42 Speaker 9 It’s there. It’s available.

57:43 Speaker 12 It’s always there for me, and I have so, so many tools. I use whatever fits at that moment, and it really helps me calm down. I come home, and even if the house is a mess, I don’t start losing it or shouting or anything. Everything really is calmer and more polite. And even if I do shout, I know how to come back and tell them.

58:06 Speaker 9 There’s a change.

58:07 Speaker 12 Okay, this happened. Let’s understand what we could have done.

58:11 Speaker 9 How beautiful! I don’t know if the camera can see it, but I’m already tearing up here from how moved I am.

58:15 Speaker 12 Boruch Hashem.

58:16 Speaker 9 Wow!

58:17 Speaker 12 Thank you so much.

58:17 Speaker 9 I’m so glad you came.

58:18 Speaker 12 And keep going.

58:19 Speaker 9 I’m so glad you shared that.

58:19 Speaker 12 Thank you.

58:20 Speaker 9 May you have so, so much nachas. Amen, amen.

58:22 Speaker 12 Amen.

58:23 Speaker 9 And maybe you’ll have triplets next. Thank you. Efrat, hi. How are you?

58:29 Speaker 14 Boruch Hashem.

58:30 Speaker 9 I’m so glad you’re here with us. You really were the first to arrive. So diligent.

58:34 Speaker 14 Only because you scheduled it for eleven. Yeah. I’m not usually that punctual.

58:38 Speaker 9 Oh, you just wrote ten in your calendar?

58:40 Speaker 14 Something like that.

58:41 Speaker 9 Okay. So you arrived late.

58:43 Speaker 12 Wonderful. Let her feel like she succeeded.

58:46 Speaker 14 Something like that.

58:48 Speaker 12 You were first because you were supposed to arrive first.

58:50 Speaker 9 It’s so good to see you.

58:52 Speaker 14 Thank you.

58:53 Speaker 9 And you’re a mother of...?

58:55 Speaker 14 Ten. Boruch Hashem.

58:56 Speaker 9 Ten children.

58:58 Speaker 14 There’s a bit of a story behind that. Right now, we have nine.

59:03 Speaker 9 Yes. Wow.

59:04 Speaker 14 Our fourth child passed away at two months old.

59:08 Speaker 9 Wow.

59:08 Speaker 14 Eleven years ago. Twelve, sorry.

59:12 Speaker 9 You were a young mother, too.

59:13 Speaker 14 Yes.

59:13 Speaker 9 Wow. Wow. You’ve shocked us now.

59:17 Speaker 14 Sorry.

59:18 Speaker 9 How do you get back up after that?

59:21 Speaker 14 It was very, very hard. I think a good friend saved me.

59:26 Speaker 9 What did she do?

59:27 Speaker 14 She sent me a woman who works with—I don’t even remember what that method is called. The branching of One Brain, or something like that?

59:37 Speaker 9 Three hundred dimensions?

59:39 Speaker 14 No.

59:39 Speaker 9 Never mind.

59:40 Speaker 14 She just did it, because it was sudden. We simply went...

59:44 Speaker 9 Crib death?

59:45 Speaker 14 That’s right. It was Seder night. We got up in the morning, and he didn’t wake up.

59:49 Speaker 9 Wow, on Yom Tov.

59:50 Speaker 14 Yes. We sat shiva for two weeks—one unofficial week and then one official week.

59:55 Speaker 9 Wow, wow, wow. Is there guilt there?

59:58 Speaker 14 Oh, at first there was a great deal of it. And I think what really helped me was my husband. I don’t know if I could have reached the level of strength of character he did. He didn’t look at it that way at all—not even a shadow of blame. Not “because you did this” or “because that happened.” Wow, wow. I mean, if they say a couple builds their relationship over the years, that was our foundation stone. Wow. That’s when I understood who I was with... You had an anchor. Wow, absolutely. I suddenly understood: this is my husband. Beautiful, beautiful. Wow. So that’s when you truly became a couple. Yes, absolutely. Wow.

1:00:42 Speaker 15 Look at the gifts you receive in the midst of a blow like that. I mean, you lost a child, but you discovered your husband on a whole different level.

1:00:50 Speaker 14 And isn’t it something that we were messaging last night about the bot? Right. I’ve just released a bot. I’ll share it. It’s an amazing bot.

1:00:56 Speaker 15 Yes, we...

1:00:57 Speaker 14 A love-language bot. A love-language bot that helps a couple work out what each person’s love language is and how to communicate. I did it.

1:01:05 Speaker 15 No, is Chani here? Oh.

1:01:07 Speaker 14 I did it.

1:01:07 Speaker 15 It’s incredible.

1:01:08 Speaker 14 An amazing bot. And yesterday we were messaging... I offered women the chance to try it before I put it out publicly. Wow.

1:01:15 Speaker 15 Unstoppable woman. She’s just...

1:01:19 Speaker 14 And yesterday I was messaging Efrat, because she was one of the testers.

1:01:22 Speaker 15 And I didn’t know she was coming here today.

1:01:24 Speaker 14 No.

1:01:24 Speaker 15 Neither did I, right?

1:01:25 Speaker 14 And suddenly I see her. I didn’t even know Chani was coming. No, and look—look how amazing that is.

1:01:29 Speaker 15 Wow.

1:01:29 Speaker 14 A-and what is she talking about? About, about the...

1:01:31 Speaker 15 Her marriage, yeah.

1:01:33 Speaker 14 And what’s so beautiful is that you say, “I’m a mother of ten children.” I mean, that’s... Absolutely. Wow. Wow. One second, let’s breathe. Ah. It took me a long time to breathe. No, I’m sure. It’s a journey and a process. How old were the older ones then, actually? I had three daughters at the time. Is it okay that we’re talking about this? Of course, happily. If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have come. Right. I had three daughters. The oldest was—how old? Four, three, and one. Oh, so they were little. So they don’t remember. The one who was four, I think, remembers very well.

1:02:04 Speaker 15 I think they remember.

1:02:05 Speaker 14 She remembers what happened? Of course.

1:02:07 Speaker 15 Yes, that’s an age when you remember.

1:02:09 Speaker 14 Wow. And the other siblings know too. They know. We talk about it. It’s not a secret; I don’t hide anything. And being a mother of ten children? Wow. Once, that was very common. I think it’s less common today. I grew up in a very, very small family. There are four of us altogether—three much, much older siblings, and me, the youngest. What’s the age gap? There are sixteen years between me and my oldest sister. Wow. Basically, I even grew up on my own.

1:02:39 Speaker 15 Really.

1:02:39 Speaker 14 Like an only child. Sort of. Yes. Wow. Okay, but your husband comes from a big family. My husband comes from a huge family. How did that come together? It took me a long time to take it in. I mean, at the l’chaim, just remembering the names—they kept coming in and coming in.

1:02:54 Speaker 15 And coming in.

1:02:54 Speaker 14 And coming in. How many were there? How many?

1:02:57 Speaker 15 By the time morning comes, they’ll still be coming in.

1:02:59 Speaker 14 There are eighteen of them? Oh, they’re eighteen children?

1:03:00 Speaker 15 Yes, yes, yes, yes. In Kiryat Malachi.

1:03:02 Speaker 14 Right.

1:03:02 Speaker 15 Oh, what a wonderful family. Yes, I remember.

1:03:05 Speaker 14 Wow. Okay. How remarkable—what a great kindness. Listen, Hakadosh Boruch Hu is creative. Wow, it’s incredible. To bring those two things together... Wow. Yes. So? What kind of mother are you? Wow. I mean, building a family coming from two such different homes, and with the things you’ve experienced. There must have been a lot of differences. Definitely. So many differences. My husband also grew up in a Chabad family. I grew up in a family that was, um, divided, going through changes. On a journey. On a journey, in every... Yes, there was a lot of variety in our home. Mm-hmm. It was interesting, not simple. Um, when our son passed away, suddenly it hit me, and I said, “I don’t appreciate the girls enough.” That was what hit me hardest. What do you mean? Wow. I mean, I didn’t appreciate enough that I’d given birth to three daughters. That I had these gifts. I hadn’t understood it at all. I took it very, very much for granted. Very much. Wow. And...? Did that change you? It changed me. Yes. And then, truly, every child born after him was a source of such gratitude. Very much so. It was a completely different experience. Did you know you wanted a lot of children? Maybe subconsciously, yes. Mm-hmm. I don’t remember saying it, or even talking about it.

1:04:38 Speaker 16 I don’t remember the pregnancies or the births either. Then another one came, and another. We’re already, uh...

1:04:41 Speaker 14 No, and it’s interesting—

1:04:42 Speaker 16 We have a memory problem.

1:04:43 Speaker 14 That I remember.

1:04:44 Speaker 16 Oh, yes.

1:04:45 Speaker 14 And it’s interesting that your husband, who comes from such a large family, wanted that too. Yes. Because there are a lot of children from large families who... Right, he has siblings who really aren’t as interested in that. Mm-hmm. And they said, “Okay, three is nice too. That’s enough.” Yes. But he really, really wanted it, and I went along with him. You’re wonderful. Are you calm, or do you just look calm? I just look it. You just look it? I just look it. Ah. Look how calm she is—the baby fell asleep in her arms. I’m so jealous of him right now. But, uh, but... I’d trade places with him right now. Um, but what do you mean when you say, “I just look calm”? Inside, you’re less calm? Uh... Are you someone who shouts? Do you know how to shout? Oh, yes. Really?

1:05:32 Speaker 16 She doesn’t look it.

1:05:33 Speaker 14 Right?

1:05:34 Speaker 16 No, no.

1:05:34 Speaker 14 So, yes. I have to say that over the past month or two, I’ve been shouting less. And is that connected to the club? Of course. Of course. Explain that, because I hear this, and you’re not the first. We’ve sat here with a lot of women. Right. And... I’ll explain. So you see the experience. I haven’t watched everything. I mean, I wasn’t really... I only discovered the secret status today. Wow.

1:06:00 Speaker 16 How can that be?

1:06:01 Speaker 14 I have no idea.

1:06:02 Speaker 17 I don’t know why so many people...

1:06:04 Speaker 14 Chaya, you’re not doing a good job.

1:06:06 Speaker 16 It’s so secret.

1:06:07 Speaker 17 Not doing a good job.

1:06:08 Speaker 14 So secret.

1:06:09 Speaker 16 The status is so secret that even the club members haven’t all discovered it yet. No, it’s unbelievable.

1:06:14 Speaker 14 We need to send them a message. We need to send—

1:06:15 Speaker 16 They get one every week, Chaya. Every week they get a link to the secret status by email.

1:06:20 Speaker 14 Who opens email these days?

1:06:21 Speaker 16 Who opens email?

1:06:22 Speaker 14 We need to think of an idea.

1:06:23 Speaker 16 I need to knock on each one’s door.

1:06:27 Speaker 14 No.

1:06:27 Speaker 16 And tell her.

1:06:28 Speaker 14 Find Chaya a job.

1:06:30 Speaker 17 Chaya, Chaya, sit down together later. Some people register using a different contact, a different phone number. That’s usually the problem.

1:06:37 Speaker 16 Oh.

1:06:37 Speaker 14 Could be.

1:06:38 Speaker 16 Look, she’s already figured out the automation. Where did that come from? Because it really is automatic—it goes to the number you used when you signed up for the club.

1:06:44 Speaker 14 It’s Dori’s brilliant automation.

1:06:45 Speaker 16 We have automation here.

1:06:46 Speaker 14 Dori’s brilliant automation.

1:06:47 Speaker 16 We’ll solve it.

1:06:48 Speaker 14 I used my husband’s number, just instinctively. Oh, okay. A lot of the time I don’t remember my own number. That’s okay. Is it just being part of something that does it for you? It’s not just being part of something. I’ve signed up for a million programs, I have to say. Some I connected with, some less so. I’m a little inconsistent. That’s okay; we’re very busy. Yes. But I enjoyed the joyfulness and that, that lightness. Making things lighter. That’s the word you were looking for. Oh, absolutely. I also have to say that we’ve been on an unbelievable roller coaster for almost two and a half years now. The treasure I’m holding in my arms was born with a heart defect. Wow. Later it affected his lungs, and there have been surgeries and hospitalizations.

1:07:39 Speaker 16 This beautiful little boy?

1:07:41 Speaker 14 This beautiful little boy. He’s spent more time at Schneider than at home, let’s put it that way. Wow. So whenever he feels even a little unwell, I take him with me. I don’t take chances. Wow. Yes. Look at that—you see people, and you don’t know anything. And everyone has a story. I don’t say for nothing that every woman has one—every woman is a bestseller. Come on, your story is a bestseller. You could publish it today, you know.

1:08:09 Speaker 16 Yes, and you have someone here who brings light into the world.

1:08:11 Speaker 14 Light into the world.

1:08:12 Speaker 16 Yes.

1:08:12 Speaker 14 At the speed of light.

1:08:13 Speaker 16 At the speed of light.

1:08:14 Speaker 14 Light.

1:08:14 Speaker 16 Please get it right.

1:08:15 Speaker 14 Oh, I don’t know. Yes, at the speed of light. I didn’t hear. Yes, that’s it. Really at the speed of light. The days of Moshiach. Oh yes, I wrote to you. I told my husband, “Okay, I think I’m going to sleep, because there’s no way she’ll answer,” and then suddenly she answers. I said, “Wow, how about that.” Um, so that was it. And then we went on autopilot. I mean: Who’s with the children? What do we do? Who’s watching them? In a minute, in a minute. Who’s bringing them food? Constantly getting things done... And there’s the shlichus... Wait, the Rafael family. You’re also a shlucha in Petach Tikvah. In Yavne. In Yavne! I don’t know why, but since the beginning of the podcast I’ve had Petach Tikvah in my head. I keep going back to Petach Tikvah. That’s it, now you... Schneider is in Petach Tikvah. Oh, okay. So I was thinking of the location a little. Right. Our second address. So apparently you have a shlichus there too. There was a lot of it. Actually, during one of his hospital stays, I said to my husband, “We have to spend Purim at home with the children. This isn’t reasonable; it makes no sense.” Okay, let’s give mishloach manos to everyone in the cardiac intensive care unit. Wow. The mishloach manos they sell and all that—we said, “Let’s do it, we’ll hand them out.” While we were handing them out, we got a message that we’d soon receive his discharge papers. Wow. I mean, yes, everything... So you were living on autopilot, and... On autopilot, yes, and I realized this isn’t the mother I want to be. Like, there’s no feeling in it, and that’s upsetting. My goodness, my daughter has turned sixteen. How did that happen? You feel like life is passing you by. Exactly. I’m with this child all the time. Boruch Hashem. Thank Hashem I’m with him and didn’t lose him, because there were many times when we came close to losing him. Wow. Just four months ago, something happened with him: we were giving him breathing therapy, and he just

1:10:23 Speaker 14 He stopped breathing. He turned black. Everything... Wow, wow, wow. What you’ve been through! There was a really, really difficult episode with him. So I’m saying, the fact that he’s here with us now—boruch Hashem, truly. What’s his name? I want to daven for him. Shalom Dovber. We call him... ben Efrat. Brosh. Brosh. He was Shlomo. We always... And then you decided you wanted... I wanted something different. Now, I’ve been following you for a long time. Me? You. Okay. A long time. Okay. I saw the one with Batsheva, and it saved me on those long drives to Schneider. You wrote to me about that one day. Listen, it’s unbelievable, because I’d drive there to be with him, then be with the kids, and switch places with my husband, and that’s [unclear]... You’re talking about a podcast called A Gym for Peace of Mind. Right. Yes. And then, I don’t know how, I saw you at a traffic light—on your status, I mean. Now, I’m driving and crying, right? On every drive, I’m crying. Then I saw the one with Batsheva and said, “Peace of mind. Okay, great, let’s sign up.” Wow, I listened and I was hooked. I kept checking that I hadn’t missed an episode. I was hooked. It saved me. Really. And then the drives stopped being drives full of tears. Wow, that’s so moving! They became drives where I enjoyed listening, and I’d arrive there in a different frame of mind. Wow. And I’d come back to the kids differently, too. Really. So that’s it. And I kept following you. There was a lot of light, but it was too much for me. All the AI stuff—I’m not there yet. Then I saw you were doing something with Michal Levitin. Shomachat Alayich. I said, “Wow, that sounds so interesting. Let’s sign up. What could happen?” Wow. So, Michal, sorry—she signed up through my status. Yes. Okay. Okay. Percentages. Put another check mark down. After I signed up, I listened to the... the first part that came with registration. Wow. The webinar? Yes. I listened to it afterward. I’m catching up on all the Zoom sessions, too. Amazing. I mean. Amazing. And that’s it, and—and it’s enjoyable. Do they feel a change at home? I’m only at the beginning of the process. Of course. First of all, we’re always only at the beginning, and always on the journey. But do they feel a change at home? I think so. When I wrote the letter... First of all, I really loved the idea. It’s such a wonderful concept.

1:12:18 Speaker 14 The first part, the one for registration. Wow. The webinar? Yes. I listened to it afterward. I’m catching up on all the Zoom sessions too. Amazing. Just... amazing. And that’s it, and it’s been fun. Do you feel a change at home? I’m only at the beginning of the process. Of course. We’re all always just at the beginning, on a journey. But do you feel a change at home? I think so. When I wrote the letter... First of all, I really loved the idea. It’s such a beautiful concept.

1:12:48 Speaker 18 Here at the gathering, you received a letter, and you had to write—to choose a child who would write you a thank-you letter for being in the club. In the club. So I chose my third child, who I think teaches me so much. Our children are our mentors. Absolutely. And I wrote—I wrote a lot about how I react less and pause for a moment more. Wow. Very much. That’s what spoke to me most of all: this idea of “stop for a second.” The cut. That cut is powerful, really, really powerful. Stop for a second, and then see. And I think I connected so strongly with Bryony’s haircut, even though I didn’t see it. Listen to what Bryony is doing in the world. Listen to what Bryony is doing in this world! I’ll tell you what—soon we’ll think you did it on purpose. Yes. What really, really moved me was that you said what mattered most to you was her emotional well-being.

1:12:50 Speaker 14 That was here at the gathering. You received a letter and had to write one—choose a child who would write you a thank-you letter for being in the club. In the club. So I chose my third child. I think she teaches me so much. Our children are our mentors. Absolutely. And I wrote a lot about how I react less and pause more. Wow. Very, very much. That’s what spoke to me most: the idea of stopping for a second. That cut—that cut is powerful, really powerful. Stop for a second, and then see. And I really connected with the story of Brioni’s haircut, even though I didn’t see it. Listen to what Brioni is doing in the world. Listen to what Brioni is doing in this world. I’ll tell you what—people will end up thinking you did it on purpose. Yes. What really, really moved me was that you said the most important thing to you was her mental health.

1:13:56 Speaker 18 And as a mother, I would have come at it differently. I said, “Wow, that’s incredible.” I never would have thought of that. Never. No way. And then—actually, as a mother, let’s look at it from another angle. A mother seeing a situation like that—come on, the girl really went to the extreme. And the mother thinks about the girl: what jokes will people make about her, what will they say to her, what will they do to her? It really is special. Incredible. And a day or two ago, my son took the biggest scissors in the house, and before he... Of course I was about to yell at him: “What are you doing? That’s dangerous! Those scissors aren’t for children.” But then I made that cut and said, “One second. Michal didn’t do that.” So I went down to his level and said to him—Physically? Physically. Wow. Physically, physically. A six-year-old boy. I said to him, “Mendy, you know these scissors are very big and very dangerous. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Wow, that’s wonderful! And it was so powerful. I said, “Wow, I’m so happy with myself that I managed to give him a different message.” Listen, what a pleasure to end with you. Thank you. You’re wonderful, and may there be lots of good health. Amen. And may you have lots of nachas. Amen. From all the children. Amen. And you’re an amazing mother. Thank you. They’re lucky to have you, too. May all that come back to you in a great light.

1:13:57 Speaker 14 And as a mother, I would have lost it. I said, wow, that’s incredible. I never would have thought of that. Never. No way. And then—actually, as a mother, let’s look at it from another angle. A mother seeing a situation like that... I mean, the girl really went to the extreme, and the mother is thinking about her child: what jokes people will make about her, what they’ll say to her, what they’ll do to her. That’s really special. Incredible. And a day or two ago, my son took the biggest scissors we have in the house, and before he... Of course, I was about to yell at him, “What are you doing? That’s dangerous. Those scissors aren’t for children.” And then I made that cut and said, wait a second. Michal didn’t do that. So I got down to his level and said to him—Physically? Physically. Wow. Physically, physically. He’s six. I said to him, “Mendy, you know these scissors are very big and very dangerous. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Oh, that’s beautiful! And it was so powerful. I thought, wow, I’m so happy with myself that I managed to give him a different message. Listen, what a pleasure to end with you. Thank you. You’re amazing, and I wish you good health. Amen. And lots of nachas. Amen. From all your children. Amen. And you’re an amazing mother. Thank you. They’re lucky to have you too. May it all come back to you in a great light.

1:15:24 Speaker 18 In your personal shlichus and your broader shlichus.

1:15:24 Speaker 14 Thank you.

1:15:27 Speaker 18 Shomachat Alayich. Wow.

1:15:28 Speaker 14 Shomachat.

1:15:29 Speaker 18 Shomachat.