Rabbi Moshe Dikshtein - Be'er Sheva - Part 3

00:16 Speaker 1 Moishe, we heard your fascinating life story, truly fascinating. Now you’re a young man arriving for the first time to see the Rebbe in New York, at 770. You’ve just landed at John F. Kennedy Airport. Tell us what happened from there. Please.

00:39 Speaker 2 Well, today I know that when I landed in America, I was going to the Rebbe. But back then, it was the first time in my life I’d left Israel, and I was very excited the whole way. I’m going to America, I’m going abroad—but what did “abroad” mean to me? It meant going to the Rebbe. So of course, the whole trip was preparation—major preparations—for meeting the Rebbe.

01:06 Speaker 1 What do you mean by major preparations? Tell us.

01:09 Speaker 2 That’s what I’m saying. Of course, putting on tefillin on the plane, helping as many Jews as possible put on tefillin. I even—this was before plane hijackings were so common—I knocked on the pilot’s door and asked him if he was Jewish. And he said, “I’m a Jew like you,” in Hebrew. This was, uh, in France. He said, “I’m a Jew like you.” He said it to me in Hebrew. So I said, “Come put on tefillin.” He said, “In the middle of the flight, when the plane is on autopilot, I’ll call you. We’ll send [unclear], and I’ll call you. Come help me put on tefillin.” In short, it was a one-way-ticket flight: I was going to the Rebbe and staying there until they told me to come back.

01:57 Speaker 1 Until who told you to come back?

01:59 Speaker 2 Until the Rebbe told me what to do. To come back to Israel on my own? I had no reason to come back on my own. I didn’t even have anywhere to go back to. Reb Mendel told me I was going to the Rebbe oif eibik—forever.

02:15 Speaker 1 Remind us, Moishe. Briefly remind us who Reb Mendel was, what he did, what he meant to you, so we can understand.

02:24 Speaker 2 I said once that I had a daily study session with Reb Mendel. We learned Chassidus every morning for a whole year. Reb Mendel was a Jew who had been in Russia—or rather, the Soviet Union. He had been in a Russian prison because of his service of Hashem, because he spread Judaism and Torah, and the Rebbe sent him to Israel to be a mashpia. And because of all the problems I had with [unclear], and all the problems I had connecting theory with practice, he took me under his wing and became my daily study partner. We learned every morning from seven—at first until seven-fifteen, then until seven-thirty, and then until a quarter to eight. He was my spiritual father, and he was the one who pushed me to go to the Rebbe. He told me, “You’re going to the Rebbe oif eibik.” Oif eibik means forever. You’re going and not coming back. You’re going now, and you’ll stay there with the Rebbe. That’s it. I landed in New York. I didn’t know anything, and I barely had the English I’d learned for my matriculation exams. I just went along with everyone else—walking and walking and walking. I reached passport control, and then baggage claim. And that was it. There I was with a suitcase that had almost nothing in it, standing in the big city. I saw a man dressed like a Charedi Jew. “Hello, hello. How do I get to the Lubavitcher Rebbe?” He said, “Listen, I’m going to Williamsburg. I’m a Satmar chossid. I’m going to Williamsburg, and I’ll give you a ride.” I said, “Great, thank you very much.” Someone had come to pick him up. We drove together, and I didn’t recognize anything. Then suddenly I saw a street I knew from pictures. I saw a building I knew from pictures, and I said, “There it is! That’s it, that’s it!” “Right, it’s here.” So I got out and thanked him.

04:46 Speaker 2 “Thank you very much. Thank you very much.” I got out, and I almost felt at home, but I didn’t know anyone. I was standing on the sidewalk with my suitcase when suddenly I felt a really hard slap on the back. I turned around. It was my old friend, my study partner, my roommate, who was there with the kevutzah. The kevutzah was a group of yeshivah students who, after three years of study, would go spend a year with the Rebbe—a whole, full year. That class of students who went was called the kevutzah. And whom did I see in that kevutzah? Avraham Cohen, of blessed memory. He passed away two years ago. My friend, a dear friend, a good friend, a very, very, very good friend. We kissed and hugged, and I thanked Hakadosh Boruch Hu that I’d met him. Wonderful, wonderful. What was the first thing we did? We wanted to see the Rebbe. So he told me, “Listen, in the afternoon the Rebbe goes home for about forty-five minutes to an hour. He’ll be back soon. When he comes back, I’ll take you somewhere you can see the Rebbe.” Fine. He immediately took my suitcase and put it somewhere, made me a cup of tea or something, and said, “Come.” We stood in the lobby there at 770 [unclear], in the yeshivah at 770, near the entrance to the Rebbe’s room. That entrance area was called Gan Eden Hatachton, while the Rebbe’s room was called Gan Eden Haelyon. You’ll hear this term, Gan Eden Hatachton, many times. We waited. Suddenly the Rebbe appeared. The door opened, and the Rebbe arrived. The Rebbe—I saw the Rebbe. I mean, there I was, little Moshe Dickstein from Nechalim, who had studied for a year in Kfar Chabad, standing less than four meters from the Lubavitcher Rebbe. The height of everything I’d hoped for, everything I’d longed for—

07:15 Speaker 2 My greatest wish, my deepest desire to be in that place and see the Rebbe—there it was, coming true. And of course, when you see the Rebbe for the first time, you have to say Shehecheyanu. I stood there and tried to say the blessing. It wouldn’t come out of my mouth.

07:41 Speaker 3 Nothing would come out, as they say.

07:43 Speaker 2 No, I mean myself. No, no, not that nothing came out. The blessing wouldn’t come out. “Blessed are You, Hashem our G-d, King of the universe, Who has granted us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this time”—it wouldn’t come out. “By Whose word everything came into being” came out. “Who brings forth bread from the earth” came out. Asher Yatzar came out. Everything came out. Shehecheyanu wouldn’t come out. And the Rebbe was walking toward me, looking at me with such a big smile, such a big smile on his face. He had never seen me. How did he know me? He smiled, and I still couldn’t get it out. By the time I got to “enabled us to reach this time,” the Rebbe had turned and gone into his room. Wow. For me, it was the greatest dream come true. That was on Wednesday evening—Wednesday afternoon. On Thursday there’s the Torah reading, and I needed to say Hagomel. When someone says the blessing of Hagomel, the Rebbe receives the third aliyah.

08:46 Speaker 4 Where, Moshe? Moshe, where was the davening? In...?

08:51 Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait. I haven’t gotten to the davening. Right now I’m telling you how I was preparing myself for tomorrow.

08:56 Speaker 4 Got it.

08:58 Speaker 2 I would be standing right next to the Rebbe, just twenty centimeters away, and I had to prepare myself. I barely slept all night. My mind was occupied with one thing: that I shouldn’t get confused, and that the Rebbe would look at me—and when the Rebbe looked at me, he would see all of me, from the moment I was born until today. Oh, what—what can I say? In short, I was terribly overwhelmed. Morning came, Shacharis. In the middle of Shacharis, in the shul at 770, upstairs in the yeshivah—at ten o’clock was the Torah reading, and around five to ten the Rebbe came in.

09:44 Speaker 4 That’s called, Moshe—just to remind everyone—the small zal.

09:49 Speaker 2 The small zal, the upstairs zal.

09:50 Speaker 4 The upstairs zal, on the same floor as the Rebbe’s room—as distinct from the large space downstairs at 770, which holds thousands of people. Up here, though, it could hold a hundred, a hundred and fifty people.

10:05 Speaker 2 Yes, upstairs was where the bochurim sat and learned. Nowadays they learn downstairs too, but back then that was the yeshiva—the yeshiva’s main hall, its beis midrash. And the davening was the bochurim’s regular weekday Shacharis. The Rebbe came in and stood by his table, which was near the door. He came in, stood there, put on his gartel, and then the Rebbe approached. He said, “Moshe, give me the Torah scroll,” and I was standing there trembling all over. In a moment I would have to stand next to the Rebbe. Now, when the Rebbe stood in his place, nobody stood near him. There was a semicircle of about two or three meters where nobody stood. It was like an open space just for the Rebbe, and everyone else stood farther back. Then they began reading the Torah. A kohen was called up first, a Levi second, and for the third aliyah they called up our holy master and teacher, the Rebbe, Rabbi Levi Yitzchak. The Rebbe approached. He said the blessings—“Bless Hashem, the Blessed One”—all the blessings, and they read the Torah. After the Torah reading came the half-Kaddish, and then everyone who needed to say Hagomel stood up, one after another, to make the blessing. That was Moshe Dickstein, with Moshe Dickstein, with Moshe Dickstein. He was alone.

11:52 Speaker 4 There was only one Moshe.

11:52 Speaker 2 One after another. There was only one.

11:55 Speaker 4 Right.

11:55 Speaker 2 I was trembling all over. So the gabbai gave me a little push. “Nu, go,” he said. “Go on—what, the Rebbe is waiting.” So I stood by the Torah scroll, holding the—the [unclear] beside it. Luckily for me, the gabbaim there had experience. They knew that in a situation like that everyone gets emotional and can’t remember anything by heart. So there was an open siddur there. That was my good fortune: the siddur was open. I read from the siddur. What I read, how I read it, I don’t remember, but I stood there and read from the siddur. Afterward I heard the response—of course, “Blessed be He and blessed be His name,” and “Amen” to the blessing. I was so full of adrenaline that my body was actually shaking. Then Avraham Cohen came over to me and said, “Moshe, the Rebbe looked you up and down, from your head to your feet and from your feet to your head. And in the middle, while you were making the blessing, the Rebbe broke into a smile.” I said, “For me? That’s worth the whole world.” That was it. Davening ended, the Rebbe went back, and we went to the dining room to eat. I wasn’t a student; I was a guest. I went to the dining room with all the bochurim—

13:34 Speaker 5 Just to clarify, the dining room was the yeshiva’s dining room.

13:38 Speaker 2 The yeshiva’s dining room, yes.

13:39 Speaker 5 Where the yeshiva bochurim ate.

13:41 Speaker 2 Yes, it was across the street, on the other side of the road. I crossed over and went up to the yeshiva with all the bochurim, telling myself, “Nobody will notice. They all look the same—beards and glasses. Who will know whether I was here before or not? Who will recognize that I’m here? Nobody’s going to tell me to leave. Why would they?”

14:01 Speaker 5 You weren’t one of the regulars, as they say.

14:03 Speaker 2 Yes, yes. I wasn’t one of the regulars, but I thought I blended in. Everyone looked the same: jacket, hat, glasses, beard. I went into the dining room, took a plate, sat down beside someone and took some food. Suddenly an older man came up to me and asked in Yiddish, “Bochur, bochur, fun vanen bistu?”—“Where are you from?” I said, “What do you mean, where am I from? I just came from davening.” I didn’t want to lie, so I said, “I just came from davening at 770.” He said, “No, no, no. Vu lernstu? Where do you learn?” “Oh, where do I learn? I’m going to learn at 770 now.” He said, “No, no. Where did you learn?” In other words, he knew exactly that I was a guest. So I told him, “I learned in Kfar Chabad. I arrived last night and came into the yeshiva to learn.” He said, “For now, sit and eat. Afterward, go to Reb Dovid Raskin, the yeshiva’s administrator, and get a note from him saying you’re a yeshiva student. Otherwise you can’t eat here. This food is for the bochurim; taking it would be theft.” Nu, nu. Dovid Raskin. Who was Dovid Raskin? How was I supposed to know? So I asked Avraham Cohen, “Avraham, tell me, who’s Dovid Raskin?” He said, “What do you need him for?” I said, “The man in the kitchen told me to go to him and get a note saying I’m a yeshiva bochur and I learn here.” He said, “Good luck.” I said, “What do you mean, good luck?” He said, “If you get a note from him, you…” Well, after eating I left the dining room and went back. Who was Dovid Raskin? The man who had read from the Torah—the very same man. He—

16:12 Speaker 2 That was Dovid Raskin. He had an office there. I went over and knocked on the door. “Yes.” I went in. “Shalom.” “Shalom.” He started speaking Hebrew. “Shalom, shalom. Ah, you said Hagomel today.” I said, “Yes.” He said, “The Rebbe took pleasure in you.” I told him, “I hope he’ll continue to take pleasure in me too.” “Yes, what do you want?” I said, “I was just at breakfast, and the man in the kitchen told me I need a note from you saying I learn here in the yeshiva.” Suddenly there was no pleasure, no smiles, nothing. “Sit down. Where are you from?” “Kfar Chabad.” “Where did you learn?” “Kfar Chabad.” “Did you have permission to come here?” I said, “Of course. Not only did I have permission, Reb Mendel even pushed me to come.” “Ah, Reb Mendel pushed you to come here. What happened?” I began telling him a little of the story. Then he said, “Listen, I’m not giving you a note yet. At twelve-thirty or one today there’s a meeting of the administration. We’ll discuss you, and if they decide yes, come in around two and I’ll give you a note so you can have lunch. If not, wait until Reb Mendel comes. He’ll be here too.” We were speaking in Elul; he would come for Tishrei, for Rosh Hashanah. “Then we’ll talk to him and see.” I said, “And in the meantime? What am I supposed to eat?” He said, “We’re not a soup kitchen. We’re an institution for bochurim, and we have to look after the bochurim. Students eat here; nonstudents don’t. That’s all.” As the verse says about Purim, “Haman went out that day, mourning and with his head covered.” That’s how I came out of there. I said, “Nu, nu. All right, at least I’ve had breakfast.” I sat down in the study hall,

18:30 Speaker 2 and began to learn. I took a Gemara and sat learning on my own. The mashgiach came over and asked, “Who are you?” “I’m from Kfar Chabad.” I told him the whole story. “And you learn here?” I said, “Yes, I’m sitting here learning.” “Do they know in Kfar Chabad that you’re here?” I said, “Reb Mendel knows I’m here. Reb Mendel sent me.” “And Yankel Katz?” Yankel Katz was the mashgiach in Kfar Chabad. He was the authority there, the institutional authority.

19:08 Speaker 6 Yes.

19:09 Speaker 2 “Does he know you’re here?” I said, “Yes, I informed him.” He said, “Did you inform him, or did you get his permission?” I said, “I got permission from Reb Mendel, and I informed Yankel Katz that I was…” He asked me, “Why?” I said, “If I’d asked Yankel Katz for permission, he wouldn’t have given it to me, and I couldn’t stay in Israel. So I only informed him.” He said, “That’s a problem. Sit and learn. I’m offering to be your chavrusa; I’ll sit and learn with you. But sit and learn.” In other words, he accepted me as someone who had walked into the beis midrash and sat down to learn, but not as someone entitled to a place on the bench. I could breathe the air-conditioned air, but nothing more.

19:57 Speaker 6 You were beginning to understand, little by little, how things worked.

20:00 Speaker 2 Yes, I was beginning to understand very well how things worked. Well, two o’clock came. All the bochurim went to have lunch, and I went to Rabbi Raskin’s office to ask what had happened.

20:19 Speaker 6 What were the results of the administration’s meeting?

20:21 Speaker 2 What came of the meeting we had requested about Moshe Dickstein? He said to me, “Listen, we’re very sorry, but you can’t eat in the dining hall, and you can’t sleep in the boys’ dormitory either, because you’re not counted as a yeshiva student until the people from Kfar Chabad arrive. Then we’ll talk and see how to work things out. Where did you sleep last night?” I thought to myself, If I mention Avraham Cohen now and tell him I slept in Avraham Cohen’s room, where he squeezed in a mattress for me, that’ll be the end of Avraham Cohen. So I told him, “I slept somewhere. I managed.” He said, “Then keep managing.” Fine. I left. I had no money. Maybe I had twenty dollars—not even that. So I headed toward the dining hall. I saw a boy crossing the street on his way there, and I said, “Listen, I’m not allowed to eat in the dining hall because I’m not a yeshiva student. Could you do me a favor? When you come out, bring me a few pieces of bread or something.” I didn’t have a meal of my own. “What’s the problem?” That’s how I managed—breakfast, lunch, dinner, more or less. I slept in Avraham Cohen’s room, and that went on for three, four, five days. On Thursday I said to myself, The main meal at a yeshiva in America is dinner—the meat dish and everything. What could happen? There’s someone else in charge in the evening. I’ll get in line with a plate, and they’ll serve everyone. If they give me food, they give me food; if not, not. So I got in line.

22:41 Speaker 6 The “give it a try and see if it works” approach, as they say.

22:43 Speaker 2 Yes, exactly. I got in line. The man in charge wasn’t the one from the morning; it was someone else. He looked at me, served me, and I went on. I thought, That’s it, I’m in. [?] I was very hungry and wanted another helping. They told me, “That man remembers exactly who’s already been served. Don’t pretend you haven’t had any; just ask him. Go over and tell him in Hungarian, ‘I’m hungry. Could I have a little more?’” So I went over with my dirty plate. I said to him, in Hungarian, “Could I have another helping?” “Of course, certainly.” He put a nice, generous helping on my plate. I thought, At least I’ll have dinner every day. And then it turned out that the man serving dinner was also in charge of the dormitory. Some more time passed before I found that out. Then one evening at dinner I went up to him and asked whether I could have a blanket and a pillow. He asked, “What have you had until now?” I said, “I slept on the flo—” He started shouting at me. “How can a boy go to sleep without a blanket and pillow? Are we short of pillows? Are we short of blankets? Come with me right now!” He closed up the serving area in the dining hall and took me to the storeroom. He gave me a blanket, a pillow, a pillowcase, and a mattress too. “Take them. In another three or four days, when you leave, bring them back.” Just like that. I thought to myself, This man is Rabbi Michael Lipsker. Mikey Lipsker.

24:39 Speaker 7 Or Michael Lipsker.

24:41 Speaker 2 A righteous, holy man. The most, most, most...

24:46 Speaker 7 Listen, when I came to the kitchen there, he welcomed me too and gave me something to eat. What can I tell you?

24:55 Speaker 2 Wait, wait a second. The following Friday—a week later—I’m getting ahead of myself, but for Mikey Lipsker I’ll get ahead of myself. I was standing downstairs in the shul. The Rebbe would come down to the large beis midrash for Kabbalas Shabbos. We had already davened Minchah, and the boys were standing around learning together. Mikey Lipsker, the man from the kitchen, saw me. “Oh, Moshe, come, come, come, come, come!” He moved over, nudged a few people aside, and sat down. “Come, let’s learn together as chavrusas.” And from then on, for almost the two years I was there, we learned together as chavrusas on Friday evenings, during the time set aside for learning before Kabbalas Shabbos.

25:42 Speaker 7 How beautiful.

25:44 Speaker 2 That’s Mikey Lipsker—a man who’s all heart, all goodness, all warmth.