Sisters' Chat #2 - Are you sure you're sure?

00:02 Speaker 1 How do we turn our lives into lives of shlichus, full of meaning? This is Chani Moskowitz, a shlucha in Kharkiv, Ukraine, now continuing our shlichus in Karmei Gat, Israel. In this podcast, we’ll meet different women who will share their shlichus in a range of fields and, through their stories, help each of us find and define our own shlichus in the world. Because living the life we were created to live is as good as it gets. Shlichus as a way of life. We’re starting right now. Okay, we’re sitting here trying to decide what to talk about, because there are so many topics and everything is interesting. Right. Honestly, we could talk all day, endlessly. And then I said to Naveh[?], “Come on, maybe we should talk about the security situation?” Because the security situation seems to me like something that, unfortunately, doesn’t come and go. I mean... It comes and goes in waves. It doesn’t go. It doesn’t go. It comes and doesn’t go. I mean, it takes on so many different forms. Every time... You know, a few days ago I reposted something I’d written last year on Chol Hamoed Pesach. We’re going to release this episode right on Chol Hamoed, so I’m remembering last year. Wow, how much happened then. Right, there was the terrorist attack on the Dee family. Yes. A mother and two daughters were killed, and then I wrote about this jolting roller coaster we go through. The Jewish people are constantly going through these upheavals. It’s like even the positive blows sometimes feel like blows because they shake you up so much. Even good things. Look at the miracles we had this week. Right. Oh my goodness, you can’t take it all in. You can’t. That’s why I say it all feels like one big upheaval. Like I’m swinging from one side to the other,

01:48 Speaker 1 back and forth. Like a roller coaster. Right, and then I wrote about it—the intensity of the contrast between the holiday and... Yes. The terrorist attack. And my conclusion was that I’d try to come out of it more slowly, to let the spinning ease more gently, because either way, it sounds like we’re going to be dizzy until the Geulah. That’s just it. I say “the security situation,” and it sounds like a very specific topic, but then you zoom out and get some perspective. You say, “Since we were born.” Yes. Let’s talk from our own perspective. Right. I’m not going back hundreds or thousands of years, because really, since when has our people been dealing with a security situation? Since it came into being. The war with Amalek came pretty soon after the Exodus from Egypt, let’s put it that way. Right, we didn’t exactly get a chance to relax in Switzerland. It’s all been... Yes. A succession of wars. Right. With redemptions now and then in between. I think my earliest memories are of the Charedi newspapers reporting on terrorist attacks in Jerusalem. If I try to think back... The Second Intifada. As a child, we weren’t afraid to walk down the street. We didn’t have sirens yet. Right. We weren’t worried about terrorist attacks where we lived. The talk was about Jerusalem, I remember. You know, there was once a gathering of the Wolfs[?] at Feigy’s? Sorry for the girl talk. And I remember all the adults there talking about an explosion on a bus or something. It was around Tu BiShvat. I think I was in third grade. I can’t remember exactly what year it was. Wait, no—5761, yes, the Second Intifada. And I remember myself as a little girl off to the side, sort of understanding and not understanding. They talked without explaining it to us; the children were playing off to the side. Right. But you know, there’s always the child with big ears. It’s not as though the children didn’t hear. We heard all the terms. And we saw the newspapers—even the Charedi newspapers censored things, you know? A picture of a tallis with blood on it. Yes. That image is etched in my mind. I remember it clearly.

03:25 Speaker 1 Right. You know, today I’ve heard about it from the other side, too, because I married someone from Jerusalem, so I hear the stories from there. I was just about to say—the women from Jerusalem tell stories that, wow, you just can’t explain it. Right. An existential fear. I was sorting through some old things today and found a diary. It’s a diary I’ve had since I was nine, and I hardly wrote in it, but there’s a page each year: “Oh, it’s Erev Pesach; another year has passed.” Every year I’d find it on Erev Pesach and write a page. And then it said, “Oh, I’m already sixteen,” and that was the first time we had sirens in Kiryat Malachi. It was around Operation Cast Lead. Yes. Just after Operation Cast Lead, which was over Chanukah. Suddenly we were part of it. I felt like part of the Jewish people. Yes, yes. Suddenly it started. It spread. At first it was Sderot, Gush Katif, Sderot, Ashkelon, and then Kiryat Malachi came into range. So that’s part of your life. One military operation... Yes. Then another operation. Now, essentially, you live with the possibility that there’ll be a siren. Somewhere inside, I’m permanently on alert. Exactly. We’re always on some level of alert. Yes. Right. So I was remembering last year, how you’re constantly... Hashem protect us, right? We keep feeling, “That’s it, it can’t get any worse than this.” There’s nothing more horrifying than that particular terrorist attack, and then

04:49 Speaker 1 G-d brings us... And now, of course, we’re after Simchas Torah. Simchas Torah really was—quantitatively, there was the Holocaust, and you say nothing could be worse than that. But apparently, what makes something worse isn’t the number; it’s living through it at that moment instead of hearing it as a story from the past. Yes. We live with these stories all the time—stories of horror and death. And these stories of death aren’t far removed from you, because you always have the feeling: they were murdered because they were Jews. I simply didn’t find myself in that situation—G-d decided I wouldn’t find myself in that situation, right? But they wanted to hurt her not because of who she was as an individual, but because she was Jewish, and I’m Jewish. So we live with it—there’s no way to push it away and say, “It has nothing to do with me.” There isn’t. And you know, I was just telling my mother that there was also that “little terrorist attack”—it’s horrifying that people call it a little terrorist attack—in Gan Yavne, and there was one at Masmiya. They’re both close to us. Why is it a “little terrorist attack” and not a terrorist attack? I don’t know. It seemed strange somehow. It was at midnight in a little shopping center. Maybe it felt like something that hadn’t been planned very carefully. Maybe that’s why it seemed less serious somehow. Strange. Yes, exactly. So I was walking with Chaya, my baby, in Ashdod, and suddenly I felt another layer of vulnerability. There was a time when, percentage-wise, most of the people hurt were men. Of course, first of all soldiers, whom they’d go after, and men in general. Statistically, most of those murdered are... Really?

06:24 Speaker 1 Men with, uh, some kind of Jewish appearance, too, and I felt like I had something. Say I was walking in Jerusalem, alone or with the kids, and Hashem—your mind starts working; you can’t help it. Especially when you’re walking through the streets of Jerusalem, if someone comes toward you, you feel like you’re not the first option. I think I had this feeling that because I’m a woman—an illusion, really—I wasn’t first in line. I don’t know if it was an illusion or if it was actually borne out by the statistics. In reality, you kept seeing more and more faces of people murdered in attacks, especially since the stabbings started. Those were really one-on-one, not suicide bombings, which are more of a mass attack. Whatever comes out, I’m happy with it. And since October 7, since Simchas Torah, with the horrific stories of what they did to women, something changed. That’s it; I no longer have that thought that “that man would be targeted before me.” Do you understand what I mean? Interesting. I wonder if anyone else shares that feeling, because— Yeah, no, I hadn’t thought of that. It really was like— Right, I hadn’t even noticed the difference. I walk around Ashdod; there was just an attack in Gan Yavne. So first of all, geographically, geographically it’s the same thing. That shook me up too. I used to walk around Ashdod thinking, what are the odds right now? But what are the odds it won’t happen? They hate me. I mean, what’s so special about Gan Yavne? Why wouldn’t someone pull out a weapon here? I mean, Masmiya is, for us, like— Right. Next door. And then there’s the whole layer of being a woman, which also comes from Simchas Torah. In short, Simchas Torah really spoiled us, and there’s no safe place, really.

07:54 Speaker 1 No person. No person, no, no—how do I put it? I’m looking for the word. No category that protects me, apart from the understanding that there’s hashgachah pratis. Truly. Apart from understanding that everything that happens is exactly as it’s meant to be, I have no safe place. Not my home. Think about what happened on Simchas Torah. Not your home, not the shelter, not the fact that I’m a woman, not your geographical location, not the fourth floor and not the first floor, not whether my husband is a police officer or... Think how many things, how many categories, were shaken on Simchas Torah, wiped away. I think only Netanya didn’t have sirens. Who did they say didn’t have sirens? Yes, right. Everything—there is no safe place except that state of mind, knowing that everything is exactly as it’s meant to be. Now, it sounds so easy to say that. Let’s try living it. Mm-hmm. But at least— It’s so simple. Yes. I remember someone wrote to me on Instagram. She was a little upset with me because I was in a certain mode—I’ve been in a lot of modes over the past six months—but with this whole idea that I talk a lot about Eretz Yisroel and Jews and... She was upset with me. I believe it came from a moment of envy, because I was projecting a lot of calm relative to what was going on outside. Like, come on, come down to our level and be afraid with us. Now, I do post about fear too, but apparently those little moments of calm stood out too much to her— Because of the contrast, probably. Some kind of contrast. First of all, like, who are you trying to fool? I think that was the feeling. And I wanted to say—and I do say this—that I’m not trying to fool anyone, but I am absolutely not in that place all the time. Absolutely not. That’s the whole point. Exactly. When I—the whole point of

09:52 Speaker 1 it is working on yourself. Exactly. It’s not like you earned a degree and that’s it; it’s on your résumé. Right. No, you have to—you have to—it’s like a tool you need to use. Yes. You have to live it. And now it’s full of wounds. It breaks, it bends. Sometimes I need to expand it. Usually I need to expand it, because a Jew is generally moving forward, so sometimes the old vessel isn’t enough for me anymore. Either I need to expand it or I make a new one. There are all sorts of ways to define it, but I want to get to the point itself. I believe in hashgachah pratis. I absolutely do not manage to feel it all the time. Not even close. I wish I did, because it’s a very pleasant feeling. But the moments when you truly, truly manage to believe that everything is exactly as it’s meant to be are moments of peace that no amount of money could ever buy you. Neither money nor anyone else can give you that, except your mind—and your mind connecting with your emotions. Right. So what I wanted to tell her, and I hope I managed to convey it, because little by little the conversation calmed down— Wow. —is that it takes an incredible amount of work on yourself. You don’t get big portions of that peace, but the portions you do get are so, so sweet. You have these moments when you feel—maybe this is how I’d describe it—like you’re taking an enormous bag off your shoulders. There’s this feeling of both relief and peace: everything is exactly as it’s meant to be. October 7—it was supposed to frighten me, but it sharpened that awareness that everything is exactly as it’s meant to be, because I have nowhere to turn

11:29 Speaker 1 for relief and peace except the knowledge that everything is exactly as it’s meant to be. Right. I want to make an analogy to fitness for a second. Go ahead. When a person works out, if they don’t exercise for a few months, they have to start from scratch. Yes. I mean, their brain will remember, but physically—the muscle gets weaker. The muscle gets weaker, and you basically have to do it all over again. It’s the same thing here. We have to keep exercising and keep that muscle strong, the muscle of belief in hashgachah pratis. There’s something else, too: if a person sits on the couch all day and does a one-hour workout once a day, there’s something very unbalanced about that. You need to move. In general, all your muscles need to move. You need to be able to go down the stairs, go up the stairs, lift shopping bags, pick up a child, bend over, do everyday movements properly without overexerting yourself, getting out of breath or hurting. It’s not all or nothing—not a one-hour workout followed by sitting all day, but getting used to moving. Now, what am I comparing this to? I hope this comes across. What occurred to me is that we can’t practice emunah and bitachon in Hashem and in hashgachah pratis only with things like attacks. October 7. When I get used to believing in hashgachah pratis even when... What happened to us earlier? We filmed? We filmed and discovered that—

13:03 Speaker 2 When you went to turn it off, the battery popped out.

13:04 Speaker 1 The battery popped out, and that was it. Forty-five minutes of filming were gone.

13:08 Speaker 2 Yes.

13:09 Speaker 1 So for a second it was like... and then it was like, wait.

13:10 Speaker 2 Hello.

13:11 Speaker 1 Hashgachah pratis.

13:12 Speaker 2 Yes.

13:13 Speaker 1 And it really is hashgachah pratis. It means truly believing, right then, that I wasn’t supposed to have that recording. I don’t have a recording.

13:20 Speaker 2 Otherwise, it would simply be there.

13:21 Speaker 1 I wasn’t meant to have that recording. And that’s hard. It’s hard, because what do you mean? How could I have accidentally moved the battery? It can even take you to a place of, “I’m so stupid, I’m such a shlemazel, how does this happen to me, ugh,” and, “It can’t be that Hashem allowed this, because that recording is a good thing in my eyes.”

13:39 Speaker 2 From my perspective, it’s a good thing. So how could Hashem have caused it not to happen?

13:43 Speaker 1 Just a few days ago, Mushie[?] said to me, “Mom, isn’t hashgachah pratis when something was supposed to happen and it didn’t, and then you find out why that was good?” A bit like those stories where someone was supposed to get on a bus—

13:52 Speaker 2 Yes.

13:52 Speaker 1 He missed the bus, and there was an attack.

13:54 Speaker 2 He was saved.

13:54 Speaker 1 An immediate answer.

13:55 Speaker 2 Yes.

13:56 Speaker 1 And I told her, no. Hashgachah pratis is believing—that’s revealed hashgachah pratis. You understand it; you can see it with your own eyes.

14:05 Speaker 2 That’s a kind of reward.

14:06 Speaker 1 Yes, but hashgachah pratis really means understanding that everything that happens is exactly as it’s meant to be and is directed from Above. We don’t have to understand it. But the moment we say, “I don’t have to understand. There is Someone who understands, Someone who plans, Someone who programs it”—think of the burden that takes off your shoulders. It’s so calming.

14:26 Speaker 2 Yes.

14:26 Speaker 1 There you go. I wasn’t supposed to have that recording. What do I have to worry about? And this, and that, and a million things. There are a million and one things and unexpected disruptions that... I don’t know. I have a lot of experience with unexpected disruptions. Just as an example, two weeks ago—

14:40 Speaker 2 You mean practicing on the small things.

14:41 Speaker 1 Exactly. Though they’re not really small things; they matter. First of all, this is life itself.

14:46 Speaker 2 It’s not, it’s not completely dry. It’s still wet.

14:48 Speaker 1 Yes, because this is life itself.

14:50 Speaker 2 Right.

14:50 Speaker 1 Baruch Hashem, we’re not always on high security alert. A lot of the time, our alert is about making sure the child doesn’t spill another cup on the floor.

14:57 Speaker 2 Right. Our day-to-day life.

14:59 Speaker 1 Yes. And when you get used to living with that awareness, your everyday muscles are trained. Then Motzaei Shabbos comes, and they tell us Iran has launched three hundred, uh—

15:12 Speaker 2 Right, now go make coffee for the five hours until the missiles arrive.

15:16 Speaker 1 Yes. And honestly, I can tell you that I thought, okay, what do we need to do? I had a few moments of, “Whoa.” Then I said to myself, “Chani, really?” And I was calm. I thought, wow, good for you. This is the result of work.

15:33 Speaker 2 Yes.

15:34 Speaker 1 It doesn’t just happen. You can’t simply say, “Okay, everything is hashgachah pratis,” and that’s it. No, you have to practice it.

15:39 Speaker 2 Right.

15:39 Speaker 1 Really practice it.

15:40 Speaker 2 You know, I saw it right before my eyes that Motzaei Shabbos. I don’t think anyone needs a reminder of what that crazy Motzaei Shabbos was like.

15:48 Speaker 1 I don’t even know what to call it.

15:50 Speaker 2 Surreal.

15:50 Speaker 1 Surreal, confusing. What was happening? It looked as though they were about to come out of the news and it would turn into Star Wars.

15:57 Speaker 2 Seriously.

15:58 Speaker 1 But what I saw right before my eyes was a lot of different reactions. I’m really interested in how people react. So many people went for humor. I went there a bit myself. There were—

16:13 Speaker 2 There were jokes.

16:14 Speaker 1 It was really nice. Funny ones. Humor can also come from a place of calm—you could laugh until you cried. Wow, some of them were unbelievably funny. “Oh, don’t forget to smear blood on the doorposts.” I was cracking up, Chaya. Let’s do a post about the good jokes. I was laughing so hard; it was hilarious. But, first of all, you can laugh either because you’re at peace and able to laugh, or as an escape, which is okay too. And it often really helps other people. Absolutely. I don’t remember when it was—I think it was after one of my births. I was having such a terrible day, and somewhere I came across jokes about parenting and postpartum life. Listen, it really helped me. Right. It really helped, because there’s something about saying: if we’re not going to get stuck on it, let’s laugh about it. Exactly. Exactly. So that was one option, and it brought people together. After all, I wasn’t going to manage to get on a ship right then and flee the country. No, there weren’t any flights, so I came up with a ship. Wait, I wanted to mention some other reactions. There was the humor. There was also this sense people had—somewhere between being detached and genuinely understanding hashgachah pratis—of “everything will be okay, we’re being watched over,” which is beautiful. Because my husband, Schneur, volunteers with United Hatzalah, I also encountered another side of it: calls about chest pressure and— Wow, really? And panic attacks. I hadn’t thought of that. Right. So not everyone was laughing or just feeling confused at that moment. Some people were really, really suffering. And I

17:43 Speaker 1 can understand that. Things can go there in an instant. It’s a fundamental fear—listen, it’s an existential fear. An existential fear. First of all, something really might happen to you. I don’t know which part is more frightening. I don’t know what sends people into anxiety more. I don’t think it was so much fear of death as, “What is happening here?” No, but first of all, how do you define fear of death? Because we’re prepared for pieces of a wall to fall here, pieces of explosives. Right. We’re so used to Iron Dome intercepting things—it’s not normal—that most of what we imagine is that missiles won’t fall. I think it was more, “What is happening here?” As though the whole world is against us. I think that was more the feeling, right? I wasn’t those people at that moment, but it sounds to me like fear and confusion. And that brings me back to the fact that the only thing that will save me, in terms of feeling secure—I’m not saying “in my opinion,” because I know this—is knowing that everything happens exactly as it’s meant to. There’s nothing else to lean on. Not Biden, that Ahasuerus in disguise, and no one else will give you a sense of security except that knowledge and what you said: that daily practice. Yes. By the way, with good things too. Knowledge isn’t something you can buy at the grocery store. Practice seeing hashgachah pratis in good things too. Emunah is related to the word imun, training. Right. We need to— Right, it’s more than emunah; it’s bitachon. It’s the practical level of it. What you said about practicing—you can practice with positive things too, not only

19:12 Speaker 1 when— I lost my train of thought. Like, wow, what hashgachah pratis that we were both able to record a podcast this morning. Wow, Hashem, thank You. The timing was so exact. Just noticing it more. Yes, if nothing happens for no reason, then the things we see as good don’t happen for no reason either. You mentioned emunah and bitachon. So perhaps you could clarify the difference between them. What does bitachon add to emunah? The practical side. Yes. As the song says, “Someone who believes isn’t afraid,” but we have an even more authoritative source that says, “One who trusts in Hashem will be surrounded by kindness.” From what I’ve learned and how I live, emunah stays in my mind, while bitachon is the practical side. It comes down to the details—how I feel, for one thing. That’s no longer just in my mind; it has gone deeper. How I feel and, ultimately, when it comes down to it, how I act. That’s what bitachon gives me. We’re used to using the word emunah, but it’s more about bitachon, because emunah is more abstract. Bitachon comes down to practice. Bitachon means knowing everything will be okay. Everything will be okay. Yes, I live with it because I know. I know everything will be okay. Right, and I feel that way too. Because I can know it without it having reached my emotions yet. I understand it intellectually, but it hasn’t become ingrained enough—or I haven’t practiced it enough—for it to translate into action. Now, it’s not that... Let’s put this on the table. It’s clear to me, but the fact that I trust and believe everything happens exactly as it’s meant to doesn’t mean, G-d forbid, that I’m exempt from doing what I’m responsible for. If I have a shelter and I’m supposed to enter it when there’s a siren, I have to do that. I’m obligated to protect my body, and I’m obligated to prepare in advance too. I had water in the safe room, okay? I lowered the window coverings that needed to be lowered, closed what needed to be closed, and cleared the way. I did what was required of me, and from there, the outcome is in the hands of Hakadosh Boruch Hu. That distinction isn’t clear to everyone, because it can sound like, “Well, if everything happens exactly as it’s meant to, what’s my part in the picture? I can just take it easy.” To worry or not to worry? Right. So what does your “to worry or not to worry” mean? Yes. One day I realized that in Hebrew, the word for “worry” has several meanings. Right. I say “I’m worrying,” and I feel as though I’m doing something, because I need to worry. I need to worry about the children, worry about what will happen. But no, there are several different things here. In English there are two separate expressions. There’s “take care.” “Take care” means, for example, making sure there are supplies in the safe room. That’s taking action. Yes. I don’t think there’s an exact translation for it into Hebrew. So that sounds like concern expressed through action. Concern expressed through action. Yes, I make sure things are there, make sure things happen. Okay. But—and the second word? “Worry.” That “worry” is the anxious thoughts running through our minds, that loop of thoughts. So what’s the answer to “worry or not to worry”? Worry in the practical sense. Say they tell us something is going to happen—after Simchas Torah, too, there was suddenly a week when they said... Well, they’re always saying something is going to come from the north. And we’re saying—it’s been half a year.

20:50 Speaker 1 I’m supposed to be responsible for them, right? Like, if I have a shelter and I’m supposed to go into it when there’s a siren, I have to do that, because I’m obligated to protect my body, and I’m also obligated to prepare in advance. To get—everything ready. I had water in the safe room, okay? And I lowered the windows—uh, the windows that need to be lowered in the safe room—and closed what needed to be closed and cleared the way. I did what was incumbent on me, and from there, the outcome is up to Hakadosh Boruch Hu. That’s the distinction that isn’t clear to everyone, because it sounds like... Well, if everything is precisely determined, where do I come into the picture? [unclear]. To worry or not to worry? Right. So what do you mean by “to worry or not to worry”? Yes. One day I realized that in Hebrew, the word for “worry” has several meanings. Right. I worry, and I feel like I’m doing something, because you have to worry. You have to worry about the children; you have to worry about what will happen. But no—there are a few different things here. In English, these are two separate words. There’s “take care.” “Take care” is like, uh, taking... taking care. Meaning, yes, like making sure there are supplies in the safe room. That may mean taking action. It’s, uh, yes. Like, I don’t think there’s a separate word for it in Hebrew, so that sounds like worry in the sense of action. Worry in the sense of action. Yes, basically, I’m making sure things are there. Making sure things happen. Okay. But—and the second word? “Worry.” That kind of worry is the worries running through our minds, that loop of thoughts. So what’s the answer to the question, to worry or not to worry? Worry—worry about the practical side. Say they tell us something is going to happen... Even after Simchas Torah, there was suddenly a week when they said that... Well, they’re always saying something is going to happen from the north and all that. And we’re like—we’ve been hearing it for six months.

22:33 Speaker 1 It’s going to come from the north. Yes. No, I don’t want to be one of those hysterical people who… “Oh, my neighbor put two hundred six-packs of water and ten emergency lights in her safe room,” you know? And we don’t need to label everyone who… Okay, maybe she really is a little over the top, but preparing in the natural way doesn’t contradict faith. I don’t think it’s a question of contradicting or not; it simply complements it. I do the things that I… No, not complements. Sorry. It’s an understanding of what my responsibility is. Yes, exactly. My responsibility is to take those steps. Hashem’s responsibility is for the results. Exactly. I do need to prepare and do… During the Gulf War, too, on the one hand… Wait, no, I don’t want to mix things up. The Gulf War is different from the Six-Day War. Anyway—No, the Gulf War was when I was already… Right. When was that? No, I was in the womb. When was it? When people asked the Rebbe whether to travel to Israel, I think that was during the Gulf War. I think it was the Gulf War, yes. And the Rebbe said, “Travel. Eretz Yisroel is the safest place.” But at the same time, the Rebbe didn’t say, “Don’t prepare a sealed room.” Right. Quite the opposite. Prepare and do what’s needed. It’s always this combination: I do what’s within my power, and that’s it. That’s it. It stops there—it doesn’t extend to my feelings or my thoughts, just to my actions. So your worrying—when do I… That’s really the worrying you’re talking about. The worry you brought up here: how do I tell whether it’s a good kind of worry or not? By the results, as with everything in life. If that worry leads me to take action, to actually take care of things. If I

24:01 Speaker 1 think about what might happen, or if I take care of A, B and C? Yes. Oh, I wish we had a… We need to invent a word for it in Hebrew. Maybe there is one. I’m trying to think of one now; I don’t know. So again, it keeps coming back to the results. Is this worry useful? Does it lead to good actions, or does it leave me sitting on the couch in sheer terror? And again, that brings us back to what we discussed on the previous podcast about being present in the moment. Because if I can stock the safe room now and think, “Oh, let me put in an extra six-pack of water; I’ll feel calmer. Maybe the neighbor will come over too,” then great. Yes. But I’m focused on what I can do now. If my mind is in the future, that doesn’t serve me one bit. Not in the past or the future. Yes. In other words, if it has to do with something I’m doing now, great. I feel like putting it this way: worrying isn’t an action. No, worrying isn’t an action, even though I feel terribly, terribly in control of things because I’m worrying. That’s exactly the illusion. Once, I was talking about this in some context, and someone asked me, “What, so I shouldn’t worry? How can you not worry? Isn’t that ignoring reality, running away from it?” I said to her, “Let’s say you’re sitting there now, thinking about what will happen and worrying. Is that helping you?” No. So it’s an illusion, because you feel like you’re doing something. Right, but it’s only an illusion. So that’s the headline: worry is not an action. That’s the headline. Exactly. When you’re worrying, you’re not being a good mother, you’re not being a good moth—come on, you need your pulse to be steady. You’re not here.

25:36 Speaker 1 You’re not here. You’re not here. Your body is here, but your heart and your mind are somewhere else entirely. And then you can’t even take care of the things that need taking care of. Exactly. Because you’re not here. Right, right. Whenever the yetzer hara puts thoughts into our heads that, um, that… it really wants to undermine us. So it plants destructive thoughts whose first expression is a lack of action. How can you tell? What’s the test? It loves doing that. Exactly. What’s the test when you have a thought and ask yourself, “Is this from the yetzer hara or not? Maybe it’s a good thought? Maybe I should be thinking this way?” The test is in the results: does it stop you from doing something positive? Does it stop you from doing something good? The good thing for you to do in a moment of panic, let’s call it that, is to be calm, to be a good mother. What does being a good mother mean? It’s not that if someone really can’t function, then… It’s all okay. But yes, do the best you can. So if I look at the security situation as a whole, it means paying attention to what’s within my control—whether there’s some action I can take that will actually help protect me and my children, in whatever way I can. Spoiler: there’s almost nothing. Yes. With missiles, terror attacks and all that, there are things I can’t control. I don’t need to go into Ramallah right now, okay? I won’t do that. But living with most of the security situation in this country means understanding that the results are in Hashem’s hands. Yes. That’s what gives me the ability to breathe here. And really—I want to stay here. Yes. And I need to be able to breathe. Well, we do stay here. Look around you. Most people stay, yes. You know, people—

27:17 Speaker 1 When I go around Israel, people are always asking me, “Why did people stay in Kharkiv?” Because a certain percentage stayed, though most have left now. Right. Eighty percent. And I say to them, “Didn’t something happen here on Simchas Torah, in this country?” Why did you stay here? Yes, exactly. People don’t even realize how obvious it feels to us, because here we have a certain connection. Whereas there, you might say, “Okay, you’re Ukrainian, and this is Ukrainian soil. Let it go—leave. Why are you staying?” I’m Jewish; I’m connected to Eretz Yisroel. Yes, so first of all, we really do have that incredible added dimension. Right, but you can live… Though people there also have a certain patriotism, you know. Of course. People also came back—Right. Despite the security situation. But I can only live here with that knowledge in my mind. And here we have the whole true spiritual dimension of the Holy Land: “A land upon which the eyes of Hashem your G-d are set, from the beginning of the year to the end of the year.” Right. And I’ll add: even when it doesn’t look that way. But you can live that only in your mind, or you can live it, so to speak, in your breathing and in your feet. Right.

28:15 Speaker 1 Because I can tell myself from morning till night that Eretz Yisroel is the safest place, or I can actually feel it. Those are two completely different people. Right. So first of all, hashgacha pratis. Yes. Really believing that everything that happens is precise, and that Hashem is with us. He hides, but He always wants us to look for Him. And you know, I feel it myself—maybe partly because I wasn’t here for eight years and then came back—I feel that now I’ve chosen to be here. I mean, we really could have… That’s moving. We had all sorts of offers: “Come here, come there,” all sorts of interesting places around the world. And it was precisely the war that made us feel this need to strengthen our connection and be in the Land, to put down roots. And… I really feel that every time I leave the house, I tell myself, “Chani, enjoy the view. Look what a beautiful country this is. Look at the people. Where else do you find people like this?” That connection, like we said earlier—I don’t remember in what context, or whether it was just now or before—not to focus on the negative, on what not to worry about, what not to notice. Instead of looking for a terrorist in the street, look at the sweet, good people walking here. Look at these Jews. And that connects you; it gives you a sense of belonging. Right. That sense of belonging also helps you forget the fear a little, because it’s calming and it keeps you present. So instead of thinking about where the next incident might catch me… Absolutely. Being present, and understanding that being present helps me… You know, when I’m present, I can notice hashgacha pratis more. Yes. So if you want to be more able to… to experience hashgacha pratis yourself, being present really helps. Opening your eyes and giving thanks are things that really help you be present, and being present helps

29:57 Speaker 1 It’s easier for me to believe in Divine Providence. Because Hakadosh Boruch Hu often sends us these moments too, like Mussi told you—he didn’t get on the... what was it? I don’t remember—he didn’t get on the bus, and he was saved from a terror attack. These things happen all the time, and when I’m not present, I miss so many of them. Right, absolutely. So being present helps me notice. And when I notice, it’s even easier for me to believe. I reach another level, a deeper... Actually, not a level. I picture it the other way around: Divine Providence becomes more deeply rooted in me, in my feelings and in my gut. Yes, you see it. Because Hakadosh Boruch Hu concealed Himself. Maybe we should just call the podcast “Being Present”? We keep coming back to it. What did you say—Hakadosh Boruch Hu concealed Himself? On the one hand, Hakadosh Boruch Hu concealed Himself, and things happen here that raise very hard questions for us—and He wants us to ask them. On the one hand, we have to say, “It’s all from Hakadosh Boruch Hu, and everything is for the good.” On the other hand, we must not accept it, because we need the Geulah. Yes. What’s happening is not supposed to happen. We’re supposed to ask to see revealed good. Yes, and it really means living with that dissonance all the time: what happened was Divine Providence, but we must not make peace with it. We need to cry out, we need to shout, we need to daven. Not just, “Okay, it’s all Divine Providence. Another terror attack, another this. Let’s move on.” Sometimes we even push it away. There was—I don’t remember, there have been so many things, Hashem

31:19 Speaker 1 protect us—but something happened about a month ago. We had just moved, and I said to myself, “Chani, it didn’t happen. You can’t... You don’t have room in your head right now, or the capacity in your heart, to take it in at all. It didn’t happen.” I was really pushing it away. But we can’t actually live like that. We need to cry out and not make peace with it. Right. And that’s it. I want to end by saying: I hope this simply won’t be relevant by the time it’s published. Yes, I hope so. Amen. That there will simply be revealed good, and you won’t need to do the work of believing in Divine Providence and that everything is exactly as it should be. Yes. So let’s end with that. Thank you, Inbar. Bye.