Episode 40: For Rosh Hashanah 🍯✨ To be excited, to be renewed | With Zizi Kujman, personal coach and group facilitator

00:00 Speaker 1 Feel like Rosh Hashanah kind of passes you by? Like you spend the whole Yom Tov busy with the kids, the cooking, serving the food—with everything, really, except the Yom Tov itself. So especially for you, I recorded forty minutes of gold with the wonderfully precise Zizi. Yes, Zizi Kojman from episode four, a personal coach and group facilitator who helps us understand how to truly experience Rosh Hashanah, with all its depth and the full experience. Episode forty—you’re invited. How do we turn our lives into lives of shlichus, full of meaning? I’m Chani Moskowitz, a shlucha in Kharkiv, Ukraine. In this podcast, we’ll meet different women who bring their shlichus to a variety of fields and, through it, help each of us find and refine our own shlichus in the world. Because living the lives we were created for is as good as it gets. Shlichus as a way of life. Let’s begin. Good morning, Zizi.

01:05 Speaker 2 Good morning! Here I am again.

01:08 Speaker 1 Don’t you have some kind of greeting for the month of Elul?

01:10 Speaker 2 Oh.

01:11 Speaker 1 Like, “Happy Elul morning.”

01:13 Speaker 2 “Elul morning” sounds like it’s just a song about the King in the field and all that.

01:17 Speaker 1 Yes, but has the song started? Come on, how do we get into the Elul spirit?

01:22 Speaker 2 First of all, we breathe. It’s in the air. I think that when we really—when we pause and realize that... I think before, you know, Elul is [unclear]. We immediately start, boom, boom, straight in with the—

01:35 Speaker 1 Yes.

01:36 Speaker 2 Elul is the work from below, the work of the one down here. But wait—remember that the Alter Rebbe tells us that the One Above is here. The King is in the field, and He shows everyone a smiling face. So I think if we want to get into the Elul spirit, we need to breathe. Just take a moment—

01:54 Speaker 1 Let’s go.

01:55 Speaker 2 Ahh, that’s Elul.

01:58 Speaker 1 School hasn’t started yet, right?

02:00 Speaker 2 The boys have started; the girls haven’t yet.

02:01 Speaker 1 You can breathe halfway—

02:04 Speaker 2 Through one nostril. But yes, absolutely. And it’s cool, because we’re in Jerusalem right now, so you can really feel Elul in the air.

02:14 Speaker 1 Yes.

02:14 Speaker 2 Even in the temperature. It’s, you know—Elul.

02:18 Speaker 1 That’s not fair.

02:19 Speaker 2 We pay a lot of money to live here.

02:22 Speaker 1 Let them come to Jerusalem.

02:24 Speaker 2 At least let us enjoy it.

02:25 Speaker 1 Seriously.

02:27 Speaker 2 At least let us enjoy that.

02:28 Speaker 1 Yes, but really, I think the thing about Elul is that you have to remind yourself every day.

02:33 Speaker 2 Right.

02:33 Speaker 1 It’s here.

02:34 Speaker 2 Right. So first of all, there are the three chapters of Tehillim from the Baal Shem Tov’s custom, which remind you: oh, something new is happening here. They pull us out of our... What reminds me personally is when I finish the Tehillim in Chitas.

02:48 Speaker 1 Your anchor.

02:49 Speaker 2 My anchor. I pause and say, “Wait, I’m not done.” I actually remind myself that there are those three chapters, and that reminds me Elul is here.

02:57 Speaker 1 Right.

02:58 Speaker 2 And I’m preparing, you know, toward finishing the book on Yom Kippur. It creates this feeling of going from strength to strength, of moving forward.

03:07 Speaker 1 Like a fresh aspiration.

03:08 Speaker 2 Exactly. And that’s the reminder. But you definitely have to remind yourself.

03:14 Speaker 1 Right.

03:15 Speaker 2 The world conceals it.

03:17 Speaker 1 Wow. Okay, so Rosh Hashanah is in two and a half weeks.

03:19 Speaker 2 Yes.

03:20 Speaker 1 Rosh Hashanah. Wow, I want—for me, for everyone, for every woman listening—to get into the spirit of what Rosh Hashanah actually is. What’s Rosh Hashanah all about? You know, when we were in Ukraine, we would always tell people who didn’t know yet, when we invited them for Rosh Hashanah, that it was “Yevreyski Novy G-d”—the Jewish New Year.

03:50 Speaker 2 Oh no!

03:50 Speaker 1 Then what happens? They arrive at shul. Imagine how confused they are.

03:53 Speaker 2 There’s none of it.

03:54 Speaker 1 Where are all the surprises? Where’s all the noise and excitement?

03:57 Speaker 2 Yes.

03:57 Speaker 1 The shofar is the... So what actually is Rosh Hashanah? What is Rosh Hashanah? On the one hand, it’s a day of crowning the King, with light and fanfare. On the other hand, Rosh Hashanah is the Day of Judgment, with Unesaneh Tokef—“a limit is set for every living thing.” That’s intense.

04:19 Speaker 2 Yes. It’s that ability to hold opposites together in Judaism. It’s both. And you’ve asked a very deep question: what is Rosh Hashanah? But before we ask what Rosh Hashanah is, let’s ask what these times are—times that have a special capacity for something, a particular eis ratzon, an auspicious time. People always say this about Yom Kippur. I’m jumping ahead to Yom Kippur for a second. They say, “Oh, you’re waiting until Yom Kippur to apologize? Apologize all year! Your apology...” You know, that sort of thing.

04:54 Speaker 1 Yes.

04:55 Speaker 2 No. The forgiveness of Yom Kippur, for example, doesn’t exempt us from apologizing when we need to. But there is a particular eis ratzon for forgiveness.

05:05 Speaker 1 It’s mind-blowing, really, to grasp this whole concept of time. Sometimes it drives me crazy.

05:09 Speaker 2 Right?

05:09 Speaker 1 One second passes, and from that moment on, if I put something in my mouth, the penalty is kares. I mean—

05:15 Speaker 2 Yes.

05:15 Speaker 1 It’s wild to think about.

05:17 Speaker 2 Yes.

05:17 Speaker 1 Especially since it isn’t the same time everywhere in the world. So I think, “Wait, but over there it’s still...”

05:21 Speaker 2 The whole concept of time and place—that Hakadosh Boruch Hu created the world within the bounds of time and place. First of all, try to grasp that Hashem is beyond time and place. You can’t grasp it. We simply can’t grasp it at all. Our thinking is so limited by time and place that we can’t. And then there are these anchors that Judaism connects us to. On the one hand, we’re supposed to crown the King, you know, with every Shema Yisroel: “Blessed be the name of the glory of His kingdom.” Three times a day we... So what’s the point of Rosh Hashanah? What do You want? We’re already crowning You as King. I’m supposed to live with the awareness that “I place Hashem before me always.” So what’s the point of Rosh Hashanah?

06:05 Speaker 1 Right. We also need to take stock of ourselves every day. So...

06:07 Speaker 2 Every day. And you do it throughout Elul, and there’s teshuvah. There’s the month of teshuvah, and then there are the Ten Days of Teshuvah, and then there’s... You find yourself asking, “Why? What’s the point?”

06:18 Speaker 1 And if, say, I took stock of myself properly every day, does that mean I’m clean now?

06:22 Speaker 2 It’s a particular eis ratzon. It’s as though—well, not “as though”; Hakadosh Boruch Hu gives... This is a bit of an image, but He gives it a boost, okay? He gives us strength from Above for something. Then we have Rosh Hashanah, and right now that’s the gate. You need to do this all the time, but right now you need to truly, truly focus your intention. Yes, we need to daven all the time, but sometimes we need a particular eis ratzon, or a particular kind of prayer. Suddenly you travel to Rabbi Shimon, and your whole heart opens up. Or you’re in 770, and... right? It’s the same thing. On Rosh Hashanah, a gate is opened for us, and we focus on crowning Hakadosh Boruch Hu over our reality. During the Ten Days of Teshuvah, we focus even more on our teshuvah, this time with a different perspective. And on Rosh Hashanah—and, sorry, on Yom Kippur—we’re focused on forgiveness, pardon, and atonement for sin. Don’t we need to be happy all year? But Sukkos is “the time of our rejoicing.” In short, there are gates in time. On the one hand, time is linear; on the other, it’s a point. And that’s the way we need to move through time.

07:44 Speaker 1 I think it was also created this way because our souls need it. Well, were our souls created after time or before time? I don’t know, but...

07:51 Speaker 2 The souls of the Jewish people are above it. Before Hashem created the world, He consulted with the souls of the Jewish people. In other words, we’re above time.

07:58 Speaker 1 Yes.

07:58 Speaker 2 In our G-dly souls.

08:00 Speaker 1 I mean, we need this variety. Imagine if the whole year were empty. Wow, that would be draining.

08:07 Speaker 2 Or if it were only full.

08:10 Speaker 1 Yes.

08:10 Speaker 2 Think about it—you couldn’t sustain that. You know, as a coach, one of the things we need to train ourselves to do is, on the one hand, to be consistent, and on the other, to renew ourselves. Both of these movements need to be alive in us, the way Hashem created us. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to feel excitement, and at the same time to keep working simply because this is what we do—out of consistency, or bittul, or kabbolas ol. We couldn’t do it. And think about it in marriage, in raising children, in our work on ourselves, and in our service of Hashem. This combination of renewal and consistency is critical.

08:49 Speaker 1 They seem contradictory, but you need both.

08:50 Speaker 2 Right. They complement each other. They seem contradictory, but they really, truly complement each other.

08:55 Speaker 1 It’s a bit like the avodah of tzaddikim and baalei teshuvah.

08:57 Speaker 2 Right, it’s the avodah of tzaddikim and baalei teshuvah. It’s the work of falling in love and of loving. These are all ways of being that we know, and their combination is amazing. It creates wholeness. It creates the full picture.

09:13 Speaker 1 Because that’s really what the soul needs. You know, it reminds me of how people say, “Wow, I love getting back to my routine after vacation,” and then after two weeks of routine, everyone wants a vacation. And after two weeks of vacation, everyone wants their routine back. We’re always wanting both—the regular daily schedule, and also to break out of it.

09:31 Speaker 2 Right. And you know, Chani, one of the amazing things is being here and now. I mean, if I’m on vacation and I already want my routine back, then... And again, it’s not a switch you flip; it’s a way of moving through life, something a little deeper. Right? But if, while I’m on vacation, I work on saying, “Okay, now I’m on vacation,” then I draw strength for my routine, and I work on enjoying the vacation. And I understand that it’s something that will end soon, and then the routine will come. And when I’m in my routine, I’m not just dragging myself through it until—

10:05 Speaker 1 Until vacation.

10:06 Speaker 2 Vacation. Instead, I enjoy my routine. But vacation gives it flavor, or excitement, or that combination. The point is being present in the moment. Again, it’s no accident that the Alter Rebbe says emunah, faith, is related to imun, training, like a craftsman who trains his hand. We need to train ourselves in so many ways of moving within our souls. But the Jewish calendar, if we live with the times, does wonderful work with us.

10:33 Speaker 1 Absolutely. Say, right now we’re in the month of Elul. Elul is preparation for Rosh Hashanah. So on the one hand, you’re living in the moment, living Elul, and on the other hand, you’re preparing for Rosh Hashanah. The whole mode of Elul is an introduction to—but you have to live that introduction.

10:48 Speaker 2 Right. You’re preparing for—but you remember that the King is in the field. Soon He’ll enter the palace, and on Rosh Hashanah, you know, it’s all about kingship and crowning Him King. Right now you’re preparing yourself for Rosh Hashanah, but there’s a different kind of closeness: closeness to the King in the field. So it’s not that Elul has nothing of its own and is only an introduction. It’s an introduction with a bonus—an enormous bonus. Right? It gives me strength, it gives me a welcoming smile, and it gives me a closeness that I take with me into Rosh Hashanah. It also gives me space for an accounting of the soul and reflection. And I always say, with these things, remember that they need to be done with joy, without any self-flagellation or feeling lowly, because that’s what Chassidus teaches us, and it’s much more effective. But Elul isn’t only an introduction. As we said, it’s a combination. It’s an introduction, but it also stands on its own.

11:47 Speaker 1 That reminds me of a story—I’ll skip some of the details—about the Rebbe Rashab, the fifth Chabad Rebbe. He was about to say a maamar, and there’s a niggun sung in preparation for the maamar. He noticed that the chassidim were singing the niggun quickly because they already wanted to—

12:05 Speaker 2 Get to the maamar.

12:06 Speaker 1 They wanted to hear the maamar. I don’t remember whether he stopped them or waited until they finished and then didn’t begin the maamar right away. But he explained that although the niggun is preparation for and an introduction to the maamar, when you’re singing the niggun, you need to do it fully and be immersed in that introduction, even if it’s supposedly “just” an introduction.

12:23 Speaker 2 Right.

12:24 Speaker 1 So that really connects to the—

12:25 Speaker 2 It’s what it means to be a pnimi, an inwardly grounded person. Calling someone a pnimi is the most amazing compliment you can give a chossid. A pnimi is connected to their inner self, but also to the place and the time they’re in. It’s not a switch you flip; it takes practice. But the aspiration is to be inwardly connected to what’s happening here and now, and to know that you can’t have one without the other. There’s no maamar without the niggun, no niggun without the maamar, no mitzvah without the journey to it. And then the Rebbe takes this idea and connects us to it. The Rebbe is also saying, in effect, “Be present in the moment, and know that the journey to a mitzvah is already part of the mitzvah itself.” And Elul is already Rosh Hashanah, it’s already—I mean, it’s all of it. Again, it’s both linear and about each moment in its own right.

13:23 Speaker 1 So let’s look for a moment at Rosh Hashanah itself. There’s what we say about the shofar blasts: that Hakadosh Boruch Hu waits for the blasts in order to create—to give the world its vitality again in the new year. On the other hand, anyone who has studied Shaar Hayichud Vehaemunah in depth knows that Hakadosh Boruch Hu gives life to the world at every moment. So perhaps we should first explain, for anyone hearing this for the first time, that Hakadosh Boruch Hu is actually creating the world at every moment, sustaining it.

13:54 Speaker 2 Literally.

13:54 Speaker 1 Sustaining it.

13:55 Speaker 2 Literally.

13:56 Speaker 1 And the world is renewed every moment. So we have an opportunity all the time to renew ourselves, to create the world anew, so to speak, together with Hakadosh Boruch Hu.

14:04 Speaker 2 Anew.

14:05 Speaker 1 Reality is renewed.

14:06 Speaker 2 Yes.

14:07 Speaker 1 So what, then, is new about Rosh Hashanah? And what does it give us? You know, there’s also that whole “new year” thing. Speaking of how we were talking earlier about diets and all that: “In the new year I’ll be like this; in the new year I’ll do that.” Do we really have a special power on Rosh Hashanah to make a change, to renew ourselves in a different way? Or do we perhaps always have that power?

14:32 Speaker 2 So I’ll tell you what I said at the beginning: both. We always have the power to truly create ourselves, to reinvent ourselves. And on Rosh Hashanah we’re given a special strength. May I tell a story? It’s a little sad, it’s difficult, but it’s important.

14:53 Speaker 1 We’ll put on some music afterward.

14:54 Speaker 2 Okay. I want to share a personal experience connected to Rosh Hashanah. It didn’t happen on Rosh Hashanah, but it was an experience of crowning Hashem King. It speaks to that combination: what is Rosh Hashanah about if Hashem gives life to the world at every moment? How is He waiting for Rosh Hashanah to give life to the world?

15:12 Speaker 1 As in, what’s supposed to move us about...

15:15 Speaker 2 Our awareness is what moves us. I mean, at every moment I need to crown Hashem King, and at every moment reflect on the fact that I can create the world anew. The Rambam says that a Jew can tip the balance of the entire world in a single second. So am I supposed to wait until Rosh Hashanah? But again, it’s this movement, like a dance: on the one hand, there’s a continuous line that’s always there, and on the other hand, there’s this boost, this boom, this new perspective that Rosh Hashanah gives. It’s as though Hakadosh Boruch Hu says, “Now, everyone, think about this. Understand it. Know it.” As if someone might have missed it, or hadn’t thought about the fact that they need to renew themselves, that they can renew themselves. Rosh Hashanah comes knocking at the door and brings in the idea of renewal. But I want to come at this, for a moment, from a place that isn’t—

16:11 Speaker 1 The story.

16:11 Speaker 2 Exactly. Not from renewal, but from crowning Hashem King. Because when we crown Hashem King, it’s as though we bow our heads and say to Him, “You know best. You are the source of all good. You understand best, and whatever You decide, I accept. It might be hard for me. It might not make sense to me. There might be all kinds of things, but You are the King, and I’m with You. I bow my head, and You are the King.” And... I’ll tell you. About fourteen years ago, I had a moment like that—though it wasn’t a moment, it was a process. I began a process of teshuvah. I always say I haven’t “returned in teshuvah,” because I haven’t finished. I began a process that I pray will continue forever, including into the true and complete Geulah. And I crowned Hashem King over my reality. I mean, I came from a reality in which I didn’t acknowledge His existence. I wasn’t willing to give Him kingship—or anything. It was like, “As far as I’m concerned, You don’t exist.” And I’m sorry if that makes anyone uncomfortable, but that’s where I was. Wow, there is a Creator of the world. There is a Creator of the world, and He gave us a Torah.

17:24 Speaker 1 How wild to discover that at camp.

17:26 Speaker 2 Completely. It really is wild. It’s like—

17:28 Speaker 1 How do you live? I mean, how do you go on? It’s...

17:30 Speaker 2 You go on differently. At least I did. There are all kinds of journeys, and every process of teshuvah is truly individual. But for me, it took very little time to understand that I couldn’t live the way I had before.

17:42 Speaker 1 It’s suddenly clicking for me, hearing you put it that way: when we do teshuvah, we crown Hashem King over ourselves.

17:49 Speaker 2 That’s exactly what I was about to say.

17:51 Speaker 1 Okay.

17:52 Speaker 2 And by the way, you don’t have to be as dramatic as—

17:54 Speaker 1 I mean, the significance of it... Wow.

17:57 Speaker 2 Yes.

17:57 Speaker 1 Okay.

17:58 Speaker 2 Yes. Now, that’s what teshuvah means: returning to Hashem. It’s saying to Him, “You are the King. I got a little confused—my ego, my yetzer hara, all of it confused me—and I’m coming back to You.” It’s as though I’m crowning Hashem as King. It’s like putting Hashem in Waze as my destination and recalculating my route toward Him. Now, that can be very dramatic, like a woman from Tel Aviv who doesn’t observe Torah and mitzvos and then suddenly, boom, becomes a Chabad chossid. But it can also happen at any given moment: when I recalculate my route, I’m doing teshuvah. And you know, you could look at me and say, “Wow, look, she made that kind of change at thirty-four. She crowned Hashem as King; she doesn’t need to crown Him again.” But that isn’t true, because Hakadosh Boruch Hu created us with a consciousness that naturally—and it’s no accident that we have a natural soul—recognizes the world around us rather than Him. We have to remind ourselves again and again that this is Hashem, that Hashem brings the world into being, that this is Hashem’s will, and that Hashem is King, not me. As one of the lovely women I coach once told me, “If I had created reality, I wouldn’t have done it this way.” And she’s right. But when you crown Hashem as King, you have to accept that the reality He created is the best possible one. Listen, this is a very difficult process within our souls, and it is Hashem’s will. And I want to tell you something—I’ve told you this personally, but I’ll share it here. Sadly, I accompanied both my parents. My siblings and I accompanied them on their final journey in this world. My father three years ago, my mother two years ago. It was a very hard process to witness, to absorb, to cope with.

19:51 Speaker 2 It was terribly, terribly hard, and I’ll spare you the details today. They both passed away from the disease. It was awful. And during those two years, as my father was dying and my mother was dying at the same time, and then my father passed away and my mother... It was all so, so awful. I struggled. I had a grievance against Hashem. Why? I mean, what do You want? What do You want? Why are You doing this? Why this way? Why do they deserve it? I had this feeling, you know—I said, “Fine, okay, this is what You want. I accept it.” But I didn’t really accept it. I was angry. I was hurting. Very natural, very human and normal. And I had my own Rosh Hashanah right there beside my mother, just days before she passed away. I was sitting by her bed, and it was terrible, and I was crying. And there was this moment, Chani, when I physically bowed my head, just like that, and said, “Hashem is G-d.” There was a moment when I spoke to my ego, to that feeling of “I want to understand, I want...” And again, I’m not saying any of this dismissively or mockingly. It’s natural and human, and G-d forbid—this isn’t what we wish for or pray for. But it was as though I said, “Precisely in this reality, I crown You as King.” That doesn’t mean I enjoyed it or that I ran around happy and jumping for joy. No. I’m a human being. But there was a place of acceptance, of bowing my head, of saying, “I don’t understand anything, I don’t know anything, and You are King.” That is Rosh Hashanah. Again, we want it to be in visible and revealed good; we don’t wish for this. But those places where things grate against us in our relationship with Hashem, where we almost want to invite Him

21:40 Speaker 2 to a quick work meeting and straighten things out, because something seems off.

21:44 Speaker 3 What’s the strategy?

21:45 Speaker 2 What’s the strategy? Where are You going with this? What? Why did You think to do that? That’s the place. That’s Rosh Hashanah. Now, this is the awareness we’re talking about. Very, very much so. It’s no accident that we cry out “Hashem is G-d” seven times. Yes, you know, there’s the... it really reaches all seven powers of our soul, our middos, those parts of us that...

22:08 Speaker 3 The hard part of us.

22:09 Speaker 2 The hard part. We crown Him as King, and that’s Rosh Hashanah. So yes, you see, I had a Rosh Hashanah that wasn’t on Rosh Hashanah itself, but it was Rosh Hashanah.

22:19 Speaker 3 Do you feel that since then, you see things differently?

22:23 Speaker 2 I feel...

22:24 Speaker 3 That you don’t have to do all that work again.

22:27 Speaker 2 First of all, may Hashem not put any of us through such a test. But it was that kind of moment. You see, I’m telling you about it now, so I do have that place within me where I crowned Him.

22:39 Speaker 3 A defining moment.

22:40 Speaker 2 It’s a defining moment. But again, that was then. Reality keeps renewing itself and changing, and our ego renews itself and changes along with our yetzer hara.

22:51 Speaker 3 It’s interesting—you told me earlier that before you did teshuvah, you had that ego. You were saying, “What Creator of the world?”

22:58 Speaker 2 Right.

22:59 Speaker 3 And it blows my mind that one day it’s ego in that form. But ego is also there when you’re in shul, praying and sitting there, but your mind is somewhere else. That doesn’t go away either. It’s...

23:14 Speaker 2 But you know...

23:15 Speaker 3 It takes a different form, and of course it has a different intensity. I don’t know what to call it, but it’s there. That’s the work.

23:22 Speaker 2 That’s the strugg—one of the most amazing things the author of the Tanya reveals to us is that Hashem wants us to struggle with this. That’s one of the amazing things. You know, if we thought it was something we weren’t supposed to... The author of the Tanya promises us “rest for our souls” in the introduction to the Tanya. And I think one of the most comforting things is knowing that all Hashem wants from me—and I say “all” with the full weight and depth of it—is for me to understand that He takes pleasure in my grappling with this. Not even in my succeeding, but simply in looking at it and saying, “You’re here so that I can grapple with you.” To me, that’s an experience of humility: this is what I need to do. Success is only in Hashem’s hands.

24:13 Speaker 3 Yes. As it says, “Hakadosh Boruch Hu helps him.”

24:17 Speaker 2 Right.

24:17 Speaker 3 Just realizing that you’re in a battle means that, in a way, you’ve already won—

24:21 Speaker 2 Right.

24:22 Speaker 3 Because perhaps recognizing the illness is half the cure. What, was something smeared over our eyes? Now, come on, when you first start learning Tanya, you say, “Wait, wow, so...”

24:32 Speaker 2 It’s the manufacturer’s manual, literally. And not only that: it doesn’t just explain you to yourself; it explains Him to you too. The Manufacturer reveals who He is. That’s what the Tanya is. It’s something...

24:44 Speaker 3 Mind-blowing.

24:45 Speaker 2 Such a great G-d, and such a small book. I can never remember who said that, but I think it was Reb Zusha of Anipoli.

24:52 Speaker 3 I think so, yes.

24:52 Speaker 2 Yes, and it really is like that. How did he do it? How did the author of the Tanya, the Alter Rebbe, manage to put such a great G-d into such a small book?

25:02 Speaker 3 And we’re part of that G-d. That’s what...

25:04 Speaker 2 We’re part of that G-d.

25:06 Speaker 3 What was I going to say? Let’s wrap this up in the clearest way. On Rosh Hashanah, we crown Hakadosh Boruch Hu as King.

25:13 Speaker 2 Yes.

25:14 Speaker 3 And by crowning Hakadosh Boruch Hu as King, I accept His kingship upon myself. So I’ve returned.

25:21 Speaker 2 Right.

25:22 Speaker 3 Because if Hakadosh Boruch Hu is King, then I belong to Him.

25:25 Speaker 2 Right, and I want to say for a moment that He’s the best King there is. The kind you look at and say, “I want You to be in charge of everything.” Yes, it’s not some king where you say, “Fine, all right, we’ll pay him taxes, we’ll do that—”

25:43 Speaker 3 There’s this story—I have no idea what its source is. How does it go? Someone says, “Why are you happy? Rosh Hashanah is coming, and there’s going to be judgment and a trial.” I mean—

25:57 Speaker 2 Because my father is the judge.

25:58 Speaker 3 The judge is my father.

25:59 Speaker 2 A Litvak and a chossid met in Elul, and he says to him, “What are you... It’s the Day of Judgment, a trial—what are you so happy about? Do you know someone?” And he tells him, “Yes. The judge is my father.”

26:09 Speaker 3 But on the other hand, where is there room for... Is it only about joy? Or is there also room for a moment of something else? I mean, they’re called the Days of Awe for a reason.

26:24 Speaker 2 Even the fish in the sea tremble.

26:26 Speaker 3 Yes.

26:27 Speaker 2 It’s a joy with a sense of seriousness. It’s not a joy of wildness and merriment. It’s a joy that comes from knowing you’re in the best possible hands. It’s not the kind of joy that comes with a sense of self-importance or disregard, which could lead to frivolity, G-d forbid. Right? Speaking of Tanya, it’s not a place where you say, “Oh, I’ve got this in my pocket,” and then become frivolous, G-d forbid. No, no, no. It’s a partnership. You know, it’s like having a partnership with the owner of the money, the owner of the business, the most incredible businessman in the world. There’s no one better. But you really are his partner. So now he asks you to go over the accounts and see what’s happening in the business. You know that no matter what, he’s yours and he’s with you, and at most he’ll correct you. But you don’t just toss out some figure—four, like, two thousand shekels. You sit down, take stock of yourself, and go over the business accounts, because you need to. You come to this with, you know, a sense of awe before his greatness. He’s your father. But... you know, sadly, respect for parents nowadays is—

27:41 Speaker 3 Yes, maybe the analogy of a father doesn’t quite work anymore.

27:44 Speaker 2 Exactly, but it’s something like that.

27:46 Speaker 3 We don’t see a king every day, either.

27:48 Speaker 2 And if we do, it’s more like King Weiss.

27:51 Speaker 3 Where do we know a king from? From parables about kings?

27:54 Speaker 2 Or from all kinds of non-Jewish images. We haven’t had a Jewish king in a long time, and even with the ones we did have—when you learn Nach, you hear all those fine things.

28:02 Speaker 3 I don’t know if that’s what was meant.

28:04 Speaker 2 Okay.

28:05 Speaker 3 One yes, two no.

28:06 Speaker 2 So there’s King David, who embodies this perfectly, and that’s why he is Dovid Malka Meshicha. But that’s a king. And there’s the Rebbe. Yes, we have that, we have the image. But think for a moment: you need to come before Hakadosh Boruch Hu, and you need to... It’s not... You don’t do it frivolously, but on the other hand, it’s not a place where you say, “I’m brought so low, I’m terrified, I have no chance.” All those thoughts of, “Oh no, nothing will ever come of me, Hashem will never forgive me, I committed such a terrible sin... And I promised Him last time, so this time He won’t forgive me.” None of that, because it isn’t helpful and it doesn’t move us forward, and Hakadosh Boruch Hu wants us to be effective and move forward. Come on, we all want the Geulah already.

28:54 Speaker 3 Yes. I think it really is about returning again and again to where you started: this eis ratzon, this auspicious time.

28:59 Speaker 2 Right.

28:59 Speaker 3 The opportunity.

29:00 Speaker 2 Right.

29:01 Speaker 3 Understanding what I have in my hands. What do I have? And since we’re here, I’ll move on to the next thing I didn’t want to end the podcast without discussing. If we have such an incredible eis ratzon—forty-eight hours. Wow, I’m realizing that even in Israel it’s two days. That’s the Yom Tov.

29:20 Speaker 2 Yes.

29:22 Speaker 3 So forty-eight hours of eis ratzon—and what am I actually doing? Washing dishes, setting the table, changing a diaper. Where am I, and where is the eis ratzon? And there really is a kind of feeling that you’re missing out. Now, yes, as they say, the most physical is the most spiritual, but still, you know, when I was a girl, I used to go to shul. I practically lived there—the only thing I didn’t pay was rent. My friends and I really would go from the beginning of Yom Tov to the end, with our machzor, with my name on it, which I’d already prepared before Yom Tov. And those really were days of spiritual elevation. I remember them so fondly. And then suddenly, boom.

30:20 Speaker 2 Diapers, dishes, and—

30:21 Speaker 3 Boruch Hashem, truly.

30:23 Speaker 2 Boruch Hashem.

30:23 Speaker 3 With all those blessings, you’re still trying to figure out how to do it right. Where is “right”? What does “right” even mean? Should I be trying? Oh, I have this memory of one Rosh Hashanah when I went to shul, and as it turned out, I wasn’t feeling well. When I came home two hours later, I developed a fever, and then I was sick for a few days. But during those moments in shul, before I’d realized I wasn’t feeling well, with all the children around me like the arms of a compass, I said to myself, “Who am I? What am I? What have I done to myself? What is this day? Really, how?”

31:00 Speaker 2 Here I want to introduce a concept that I don’t know how we haven’t brought up since the beginning of the podcast, the beginning of the episode: bittul. What does it mean to crown Hashem as King? It’s really bittul. I set aside my will for Your will; You are the King. Your will is what matters. That’s why crowning Hashem as King always goes hand in hand with the Shulchan Aruch. The author of the Tanya connects them very strongly.

31:25 Speaker 3 But how do I know precisely what He wants?

31:28 Speaker 2 So I’ll say this. First of all, Jews know that their purpose is to bring children into the world. Again, those who can, and those for whom it works out.

31:44 Speaker 3 With all the qualifications.

31:45 Speaker 2 With all the qualifications, and all the hugs, and... It isn’t for nothing that our children are our guarantors. And it isn’t for nothing that, when the Torah was given, Rashi says it was given to those who stood there and to every generation for all eternity. The Jewish people are “He formed it to be inhabited”; we populate the world. We’re not here for ourselves; we’re here for Hakadosh Boruch Hu. We are an eternal people, a people of generations. Sadly, the people around us have things to say about that too, and we take a lot of flak for it—“How many children do you have?” and all that. But that’s not the point.

32:22 Speaker 3 “Breeding.”

32:23 Speaker 2 “Breeding”—all sorts of awful things like that. But really, really, really, when it comes down to it, in practice—

32:29 Speaker 3 By the way, I’ve just realized the Torah says, “They swarmed.”

32:31 Speaker 2 Right.

32:31 Speaker 3 Why? Because my son has just started Chumash Shemos, and now I keep seeing “they swarmed” everywhere. So maybe it’s actually fine.

32:37 Speaker 2 Yes, we’re happily swarming.

32:38 Speaker 3 A real Geulah.

32:39 Speaker 2 And if I understand this as a Jewish woman, then this is what’s needed here too. You know, with all these things, you realize that the whole world challenges what Hakadosh Boruch Hu wants. That’s the role of the kelipah.

32:51 Speaker 3 It challenges the truth.

32:51 Speaker 2 Yes. And if, as a Jewish woman, you remember that when you change a diaper now, and when you set the table for a Yom Tov meal, you’re setting aside your own will—that’s bittul. That’s where you crown Hashem as King. You can—again, that doesn’t rule anything else out. If you can manage to daven, daven. If you can catch a few Tehillim here and there, do that. But within your limits, without breaking yourself, like in the story you told: all the children around you, feeling dizzy, your temperature rising. Chani, stay home.

33:25 Speaker 3 Yes, no, that was extreme. I also think we had some activity for the children or something to do there, but never mind.

33:30 Speaker 2 There’s also—you know, here’s the eis ratzon. Right now your eis ratzon is to raise children, to sit and play with them in shul with foam siddurim and teach them, in a way, to daven. Because you’re raising the next Jewish generations. And you’re preparing a Shabbos table or a Yom Tov table with all the simanim and everything else that’s needed, because that’s how Hashem wants us to celebrate Yom Tov. That’s part of Hashem’s will. You can practice bittul with a siddur in shul when you feel like going outside or doing something else, and you can practice bittul while serving chicken at the table or changing diapers. And of course there’s every combination: how much I managed of this, how much I managed of that. But ultimately it’s about setting aside my will for His. And it’s clear that His will is for us to have children, to keep Torah and mitzvos, to do so with hiddur, and to eat good food. That’s His will. We didn’t invent any of this.

34:33 Speaker 3 So you’re coming back again to the inner dimension. In other words, it doesn’t matter where you are; what matters is what’s going on inside you and where your mind and heart are.

34:39 Speaker 2 It’s the approach. This approach of doing it for His will, so that He will have a dwelling here in the lower realms—the lowest realm there is, the physical. The height of physicality: a chicken, a diaper. That’s where it is. And Jewish women—think for a moment about the avodah of the Kohen Gadol. Think—among non-Jews, by contrast, it’s all spiritual elevation and prayers, and so on. What did the kohanim do in the Beis Hamikdash?

35:05 Speaker 3 Slaughtered animals.

35:06 Speaker 2 They slaughtered, offered sacrifices, took the blood, carried the blood around, moved this here, did that there. They took the ashes, took this and that, and you look at it and say, “Seriously? That’s what you do? That’s your avodah?” Yes. Why? Because that’s what Hashem said. We didn’t invent it. He wanted it. He said, “I want you to put this on the altar, wear this garment, with this bell on it.” Looking at it, it seems so incredibly particular that you say, “There’s no way this is what Hashem wants.” But it really is what He wants.

35:35 Speaker 3 Incredible.

35:36 Speaker 2 Right? “A pleasing aroma”—that My will has been done. That’s what’s pleasing to Him: that His will is done. Why this way? And that is crowning Hashem as King. That I have another child, that I put out another... Again, all within your limits. Make sure it doesn’t harm your joy or turn into self-sacrifice or some kind of misery.

35:57 Speaker 3 Again, it’s about what’s going on inside.

35:58 Speaker 2 Yes.

35:58 Speaker 3 How do I do it?

35:59 Speaker 2 Yes, and also how much I do. Like, if I make one more salad now instead of sleeping for a bit, resting, and being more... But so that—no, skip the salad. Go rest a little, so you can be—there’s no formula. It’s about listening to yourself and figuring out what’s right.

36:15 Speaker 3 Being really focused on what matters, and... wow. Listen, life isn’t simple.

36:22 Speaker 2 True, but it’s beautiful. We don’t say “Blessed is He who did not make me a non-Jew” for nothing. We have a privilege: we’re doing the will of the Blessed One.

36:29 Speaker 3 Let’s think of a tip for getting into the Rosh Hashanah atmosphere. For someone who... I mean, to help my inner self be present for the davening, for—You know, I remember years when we had thirty people at our house for Rosh Hashanah, and I’d cook all week. I’d even put on the music from the davening beforehand.

36:53 Speaker 2 Beautiful.

36:54 Speaker 3 I’d play it on a weekday.

36:55 Speaker 2 How amazing.

36:56 Speaker 3 So it would get me into the atmosphere—

36:58 Speaker 2 Right.

36:58 Speaker 3 And afterward, when I couldn’t be in shul, I was already in the atmosphere of the songs and the piyutim. There’s something to that.

37:05 Speaker 2 There’s so much to that. And look how well you listened to yourself, Chani. You, Chani. Because you knew that putting it on while you were working would help you connect—that’s amazing. Someone else might listen—

37:16 Speaker 3 It suddenly clicked for me...

37:17 Speaker 2 If she says, “I don’t want to. It doesn’t make me happy,” then—listen for a second and ask yourself: Is this right for me? What do I need to do, and what would help me do it with joy? Yes? So make sure you have what you need. I don’t know—one woman might say, “I want to buy two dresses. I’ll treat myself, and then I’ll feel ready.” Another might say, “I’ll get a babysitter, a teenager to help me with the kids, so I won’t...” Someone else might say, “I need to know I’ve set aside time to read at least a book of Tehillim.” Or someone might decide to spend it at her mother-in-law’s or her mother’s instead of doing it alone, or say, “This year I don’t want to host.” There are endless creative ideas.

38:02 Speaker 3 Yes, to come prepared, with a plan.

38:04 Speaker 2 If you ask yourself, “What would help me?”—that’s the planning. How can I do what I need to do with joy, ease, pleasure, and inner connection? You’re asking yourself that inner question, and then you can plan and come up with ideas. And don’t be upset if an answer doesn’t come right away. Sometimes it takes a little time, and you can also look for inspiration. For example, ask a friend, “Tell me, what helps you? What would help you?” Take what works for you and leave the rest. But that’s the direction. Inner connection takes effort, sweetie. There are no free gifts—only the yetzer hara gives free gifts, and even those aren’t free. You pay dearly for them.

38:45 Speaker 3 Dearly.

38:46 Speaker 2 Connection, the work, the contemplation—it takes effort. And I want to say one more thing, to close with a story.

38:54 Speaker 3 Go for it.

38:55 Speaker 2 A little is enough. Hakadosh Boruch Hu isn’t—

38:58 Speaker 3 You’re taking me back a year, to episode number four—

39:00 Speaker 2 Four.

39:01 Speaker 3 From four to four and a half.

39:03 Speaker 2 Right. Because the yetzer hara really works in all-or-nothing terms. A woman could listen to this podcast and, over the whole forty-eight hours of Rosh Hashanah, manage to make an effort for five minutes. The yetzer hara will immediately say, “What are five minutes? I could have done more,” and on and on. But kedushah will say, “Well done for those five minutes! Wow, how amazing!” That’s five minutes more than last time, more than last year, when there wasn’t even one minute.

39:33 Speaker 3 And if Rosh Hashanah is so extraordinary, then five minutes of it are like half an hour.

39:36 Speaker 2 And that’s not from me; it’s from the Alter Rebbe. If it were just Zizi, a Chassidic life coach, making something up, that would be one thing. But the author of Tanya writes about the value of davening, and he writes there that in fractions of a second, all the worlds ascend, level after level. So don’t let the yetzer hara erase what you have managed to do. Celebrate what you did do, and think about how you can do a little more next time. But our goal is to come away with good feelings.

40:08 Speaker 3 Absolutely. Wow, may we merit to be renewed.

40:11 Speaker 2 Amen.

40:12 Speaker 3 May we merit to feel it.

40:14 Speaker 2 Amen.

40:15 Speaker 3 What—what should we wish for Rosh Hashanah?

40:17 Speaker 2 The true and complete Geulah.

40:18 Speaker 3 The true and complete Geulah, and then we won’t need—

40:21 Speaker 2 So many more—

40:21 Speaker 3 We won’t need to keep making podcasts. Everything will already be revealed and clear, and—

40:25 Speaker 2 We’ll still make podcasts! The world will go on as usual; we’ll make podcasts. We’ll interview Hashem. Maybe Hashem will come on the show. We could make a podcast with Avraham Avinu. Think about it—the footage we could get!

40:34 Speaker 3 It’s a women’s show, a women’s show.

40:35 Speaker 2 Oh, right. Sorry—with all the Matriarchs. There are plenty of people to interview. So we have more to come. You know, we’re not ending the podcast; we’re just expanding it infinitely. Truly, may we have the true and complete Geulah, so that... the world can simply return to its proper place.

40:51 Speaker 3 Wow.

40:52 Speaker 2 That’s my blessing. I’m blessing the world on Rosh Hashanah—

40:55 Speaker 3 Our dear world, whose birthday is coming up soon.

40:57 Speaker 2 I truly bless you that you should merit to fulfill your purpose, and that this year you’ll celebrate with the true and complete Geulah.

41:06 Speaker 3 May we merit for it to happen through us.

41:07 Speaker 2 Amen. It... it can only happen through us. There’s no other formula. For better and for worse.

41:14 Speaker 3 And we’ll finish by wishing everyone a good inscription and sealing for a good and sweet year.