Educating Children in Prayer - Rabbi Yosef Avraham Pizem shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You are listening to “Lema’an Yishme’u,” a podcast of Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 Prayer—the obligation. Children who have reached the age of chinuch must be taught, the Alter Rebbe says, to daven Shemoneh Esrei in the morning and afternoon—that is, at Shacharis and Mincha. As for the other parts of davening, once children have begun reading from a siddur, we teach them to say those parts too, but gradually, little by little. First, they should say the passage of the Akeidah. It is a very important passage that invokes the merit of our forefathers. Then Korbanos, [unclear], Ashrei, Lamnatzeiach, Uva Letziyon, the Shir Shel Yom, Pitum Haketores, Aleinu, and Tehillim. Before that, we teach them the order of the morning brachos. For young children, there is no [unclear] in the siddurim. In educational institutions, it is customary for the girls’ davening to be shorter than the boys’. We teach children to say, at the end of Shemoneh Esrei, not only their own verse but also the verse associated with the Rebbe’s name. The Frierdiker Rebbe’s verse was, “Hashem will accomplish for me; Hashem, Your kindness endures forever; do not abandon the work of Your hands.” The verse begins with a yud and ends with a final feh, like the name Yosef. As for the Rebbe, the Rebbe writes in a letter—a holy letter to Rabbi Pollak here—“Regarding my verse, I say: ‘The light of the eyes gladdens the heart; good news strengthens the bones.’” It begins and ends with a mem, like Menachem: “The light of the eyes gladdens the heart; good news strengthens the bones.” Children should be taught to say it. Making up a missed prayer: a child who, for some reason, did not daven does not have to make it up. In other words, we teach students to make up a missed prayer only when they are much older, closer to bar mitzvah. Eating before davening: nevertheless, one may give them food before Shacharis. But we should not stuff them with food. They are children. We can teach them “Do not eat over the blood,” and that we do not wash for bread or eat a meal before davening. But we can give them something to eat, a little something so they feel well—not

03:05 Speaker 2 stuff them with food. Absolutely not. The meaning of the words—the meaning and explanation of the words of davening. The Tzemach Tzedek instructed all the teachers who taught his young grandchildren. What did he instruct them to do? Besides the regular lessons, they were to teach his grandchildren the meaning of the words, the straightforward meaning of the order of davening. Once a month, they would come to the Tzemach Tzedek to be tested on it. This appears in Hayom Yom for 8 Teves, and we really need to learn from it today as well. Especially now that we have an annotated machzor, an annotated siddur, and annotated Selichos. We must set aside time with students, bring out these books, explain how to use them, and show them how to find explanations in them. Study a passage here and a passage there, so that a child knows where to find the explanations he needs for his learning. We are not going to start studying all these books in class now, but we will teach the children how to study. What does it mean to be a teacher in practice? You teach the student how to do things, how to learn. So we need to teach them to use the explanations in the annotated siddurim, machzorim, and Selichos. It is very important. Davening looks entirely different when someone understands what he is saying—in his focus, in the feelings of his heart, and in his conduct. It is very important. Teachers need to do this, but parents must not look for someone else to put the responsibility on. Who cannot explain the words of davening to his own child? If need be, at the Shabbos table, put out the Shabbos siddur, and the father can ask, say, three riddles: What do these words mean? They will not remember some of them, and then they will answer and learn. It is nice. That is how it should be. Saying Tehillim after davening: we teach children to say the daily portion of Tehillim after davening, and during Elul

05:18 Speaker 2 the three chapters for Elul. On Shabbos Mevarchim, each child should say what he can, according to his abilities. You can start with ten chapters, then a whole book, then two books, three books, until the child reaches the point of saying all of Tehillim. Hallel: a child who has reached the age of chinuch recites Hallel with a bracha, but he cannot fulfill an adult’s obligation for him. Even though the adult’s obligation is only rabbinic, the person fulfilling it for him must still be obligated as an adult. A child is not yet an adult, so he cannot fulfill the adult’s obligation. Bringing them to shul: there is great value in bringing young children, even young girls, to shul. Why? Our Sages say that by coming to shul, fear of Heaven enters their hearts. We find this with Rabbi Yehoshua ben Chananya: his mother would bring him to the beis midrash so that his ears would absorb words of Torah. So of course we should take them to shul. They will hear a melody, hear a niggun, hear that atmosphere of inspiration, and take in a sense of fear of Heaven. Very good. They will absorb Yiddishkeit. We need to bring them. We need to teach them to stand in shul with awe and reverence. But children who disturb their fathers during davening, or who run back and forth laughing in shul—it is better not to bring them to shul at all. Yes, the Alter Rebbe cites this in Shulchan Aruch, and the holy Shelah speaks about it too. What does it mean to let children run around in shul? It is a holy place. Bring them, yes; teach them, yes. But we need to know how to keep things in balance. If a child simply cannot manage it, do not bring him, or bring him for just a few minutes. Afterward, arrange for a babysitter outside or some activity for him. Incidentally, this is an opportunity to say that every shul, large or small,

07:30 Speaker 2 that has children—even just a few—should provide some sort of activity for them. I will give examples. On Friday night in Chabad, the men learn for anywhere from twenty minutes to three-quarters of an hour. They sit and learn between Mincha and Maariv. There should be an activity for the children for fifteen minutes to three-quarters of an hour—something for them to do. After Kabbalas Shabbos, give them something nice, or even beforehand, before davening, though it is preferable that they eat after Kiddush. The same applies on Shabbos Mevarchim. If there are many children, you can certainly arrange something special for them. If there are not many, you can give an ice cream or some other treat to every child who sat beside his father and said Tehillim. Give him an ice cream. The same applies when the adults have a farbrengen—and there are communities that hold one every Shabbos. Say the farbrengen lasts at least an hour; then hold a Kiddush for the children for at least fifteen or twenty minutes. Tell them a story, say the pesukim, do something holy in an enjoyable way. The same goes for the time between Mincha and Maariv in the afternoon, when there are also always niggunim and so on. What would be wrong with having an activity for the children then too? A fifteen-minute activity: something from Pirkei Avos, pesukim, a short story, a song, a niggun, treats. They will be happy. The main thing is that they should not end up coming to shul only to run wild and play. If each father keeps an eye on his child a little, and there is also an activity outside for a while, the child comes away with enjoyable experiences. He will never forget the shul. He will always love it and look back fondly on that time, because there was content too. It was not just running wild; there was content as well. Everything should be in proportion and moderation, not by force, but by getting

09:27 Speaker 2 The children—give them roles too, whatever they want. They remember it forever. Answering amen—amen! A person should teach his young sons and train them to answer amen, and as soon as a child answers amen, he has a share in the World to Come. Do you know who says that? The Alter Rebbe, in his Shulchan Aruch. Training a child to answer amen begins as soon as he starts to speak, even before he reaches the age of chinuch. There’s a simple reason for that, too. First of all, the Rebbe says this in Shaarei Chinuch. But the simple reason is that he can say amen. Amen is one word. He can say it, so let him say it! What did Hashem create his mouth for? Let him say it. So even before he reaches the age of chinuch, as soon as he is able to say amen, he should say it. What is the law regarding a young kohen and duchening? A minor—even if he is thirteen years old. If he is thirteen but has not yet developed the physical signs of maturity, he may not duchenen on his own, out of respect for the congregation, which would have to turn toward him for his blessing. After all, he is still considered a minor, even though he puts on tefillin. But if other kohanim who are adults go up to duchenen, then even if he is not yet thirteen, as long as he knows how to duchenen, he may do so with them. He is being trained in the mitzvah, trained to bless the Jewish people with love. He may also recite the blessing over duchening, just as he recites blessings over other mitzvos from which he is still exempt by Torah law. We train him in them by rabbinic law, and the day is not far off when he will have the signs of maturity too. Then there will be no issue: he will be able to recite Birchas Kohanim even on his own. Torah reading. We train children to listen to the Torah reading, but there is no need to train girls to do so. Women, of course, are exempt

11:33 Speaker 2 from hearing the Torah reading. But we do need to train them to hear Parshas Zachor, because according to most opinions, hearing Parshas Zachor is a Torah obligation. What’s interesting, though—fine, they are exempt from listening to the Torah reading, but it is very important that they not disturb it. Sometimes women feel a little disconnected because of the distance, say if the women’s section is a bit high up or a bit far away, and they think that if they chat a little, perhaps no one can hear them. But sometimes they can be heard. Sometimes people can even hear what they are saying, and sometimes they just hear the noise and disturbance. It is not respectful, it is not appropriate, and it disturbs the davening. So the women, too, need to have a sense of reverence in the women’s section. In any case, we train children to listen to the Torah reading. You know, one way to do that is to give children those sheets they have nowadays with questions about what is being read right now. Then the child starts looking for a particular word, and another word, and through that he is actually listening the whole time. Following the Torah reading in a Chumash. The Frierdiker Rebbe relates: “During those two years, 5649–5650, when I was nine and then ten, I reached a certain level of understanding. In those years, Shabbos and Yom Tov were times of serving Hashem and of joy. Every Shabbos I would follow the Torah reading in a Chumash, and during the week—or, sorry, during Shabbos itself—I would also study Rashi’s commentary to understand it well.” Rolling the Torah scroll. It is customary to honor children who are old enough to appreciate the significance of a sacred object by letting them roll the Torah scroll, to train them in mitzvos. Kissing the Sefer Torah. We bring even the very youngest child, a baby who really has no idea what is happening. But this is a G-dly soul that was up above in the highest heavens, has already accomplished all sorts of things and has already been through

13:51 Speaker 2 several incarnations. Now this soul has been sent to begin everything from the beginning. So right from the beginning, we start by having the child kiss a Sefer Torah out of love for what is holy. In this way we train a child who will soon grow up and truly become a chossid, G-d-fearing and learned. We train him to feel the greatness and preciousness of the Torah. A Sefer Torah is something we kiss with love and affection. Maftir and haftorah. Maftir and haftorah. It is not our custom to call children up for maftir and the reading of the haftorah; that is not the Chabad custom. Especially not on special days with special haftorahs: Shavuos, the seventh day of Pesach, Shabbos Shuvah. Those are certainly not haftorahs for children. Those haftorahs are for adults—for distinguished adults in the congregation, rabbis, mashpi’im, and so on. So it is not the Chabad custom to call children up for maftir or to read the haftorah, although there are other communities where this is done.