Laws of the Days of Bein Hametzarim - Rabbi Maor Cohen shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You’re listening to “Lema’an Yishme’u,” a podcast from Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 Shalom u’vracha. With Hashem’s help, we’ll begin learning about the days of Bein Hametzarim. In this video, we’ll focus mainly on the laws that apply after 17 Tammuz—not on Erev Tisha B’Av, but primarily on the Three Weeks. With Hashem’s help, we’ll discuss the Nine Days in another video. Let’s put things in order. First, the Three Weeks are the days between 17 Tammuz and Tisha B’Av. In the name of the Maharshal, the custom is to observe these restrictions even until after midday on 10 Av, because the Beis Hamikdash continued burning until the evening of 10 Av. So these days of mourning begin already on the eve of 17 Tammuz. What does “the eve of 17 Tammuz” mean? The night of 17 Tammuz? It means from sunset, or at any rate from nightfall. Although the fast begins only in the morning, because fasting from the evening was something the community could not bear, all the other observances of the Three Weeks begin in the evening. One general introduction to everything we’ll discuss here: It’s important to know that during these Three Weeks, even when something is technically permitted, each person should consider for themselves whether or not it’s right to do it. Even if it’s permitted, it isn’t always fitting, at a time when we mourn the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash and await the future Beis Hamikdash, to do things that don’t really suit that mood. There were great rabbis who said, for example, that the Hebrew letters of “bathing” can be rearranged to spell “murder.” That may be a little extreme and exaggerated, but the point is still the same: these days are less suited to outings and splashing around in water. On the other hand, if someone needs to take his children out, and they need to splash their feet in the water, and there’s no danger there, as we’ll discuss later, then it’s right that he should specifically

02:19 Speaker 2 take them there, give his wife a break from what she has to deal with, and not be stringent where there’s no need. So we have to keep things in the right proportion. We’ll continue with haircuts and cutting nails. The Shulchan Aruch mentions the law of haircuts in siman 551, se’if 3, and there it speaks specifically about the week in which Tisha B’Av falls. But the Rema, at the end of se’if 4, applies these rules about haircuts, along with several other matters we’ll discuss later, to all Three Weeks. So the custom is not to get a haircut, as we mentioned in the previous video, from the eve of 17 Tammuz until 10 Av. Even when a boy reaches the time for his first haircut—which is a very significant occasion, with a proper upsherin and a large festive meal—the custom, as the Rebbe writes in Igros Kodesh, is to postpone it until after Tisha B’Av and then make a big celebration of the haircut. Nevertheless, once a boy turns three, we begin training him in all the things we normally introduce at that age: a tallis katan, the morning brachos, bentching, and the bedtime Shema. We begin those right away. It’s only the haircut itself that we teach him must still wait. A woman who has a halachic need to cut her hair, and likewise a man with a halachic need, may do so even during the Nine Days, and certainly during the Three Weeks. What might count as a halachic need? Immersion in a mikvah certainly does. Matters of tznius also count as a halachic need. If she wants to remove hair at the temples, the Pri Megadim writes that she may do so even during the Nine Days. As for wigs, they may be combed and trimmed until the Nine Days. From the Nine Days onward, we are stringent about not making

04:34 Speaker 2 wigs look especially beautiful, unless there’s something truly unusual and a pressing need. Regarding cutting nails, the custom is to cut them throughout the Three Weeks, except during the week in which Tisha B’Av falls, out of concern for the stricter view of the Taz. Since we’re discussing haircuts and nails, it’s worth knowing that plucking eyebrows is permitted if there’s a need; that is not included in the prohibition on haircuts. The same applies to a mustache that gets in the way of eating: strictly speaking, it may be trimmed. So these things may be done until the week in which Tisha B’Av falls, just like cutting nails. Along similar lines, if someone would face serious embarrassment because he has to get a haircut—for example, he’s in a military setting with very strict grooming rules, or he might even lose his job over it—there may be room for leniency after asking a rav. The Igros Moshe was lenient on this, so in such a case it’s worth asking a rav. Another point about haircuts concerns a mourner whose mourning was followed immediately by this period. He was already in mourning and didn’t manage to get a haircut before the Three Weeks. He may get a haircut until Rosh Chodesh; in other words, in this case the restrictions of the Three Weeks don’t apply to him in quite the same way until Rosh Chodesh. The same applies to a bris: there is also a leniency allowing the principal participants in the bris to get haircuts until Rosh Chodesh. If a man knows he is expecting a son, or a son has already been born to him during this period before the Nine Days, he should get a haircut before Rosh Chodesh. After that, during the Nine Days, it becomes more disputed, and it’s better not to get into that. Likewise, if a young woman needs to begin considering shidduchim, this wasn’t known beforehand, and now she must get her hair cut, she too may do so in this situation. We’ll continue with the bracha of Shehecheyanu. The Shulchan

06:37 Speaker 2 Aruch writes in siman 551, se’if 17, that during these days it is proper not to say Shehecheyanu over anything that normally requires it. The Magen Avraham says that, according to the Arizal, this applies even on Shabbos. Although many are lenient on Shabbos, including many poskim, our custom follows the stricter view of the Eliyah Rabbah and the Yaavetz even on Shabbos. In other words, even on Shabbos we do not say Shehecheyanu over fruit. Those who say Shehecheyanu over new clothes, if they follow the stricter practice, do not say it over new clothes either. As a result of this restriction on saying Shehecheyanu—this custom not to say it, as stated in the Shulchan Aruch—the practice is not to buy things over which one would need to say Shehecheyanu. Fruit over which one would say Shehecheyanu is simply not bought at this time. And those who say Shehecheyanu over certain clothes try not to buy them at this time. More than that, the custom is not even to wear something new for the first time. That is, an important garment—even if we do not say Shehecheyanu over it, but there are places where people customarily do—strictly speaking, this too would be permitted. The Mishnah Berurah and later poskim discuss this at length. The Pri Megadim also says that we try not to buy such significant things throughout the Three Weeks. But regarding Shehecheyanu at a pidyon haben, the Shulchan Aruch says explicitly that the child’s father says Shehecheyanu, because it is a mitzvah that must be performed at its proper time; he cannot say the bracha over it later. The same applies to fruit that will no longer be available later. Some maintain that Shehecheyanu may be said over it, so strictly speaking it is permitted. Of course, there’s no need to go looking for such fruit. Yes, strictly speaking, one may say Shehecheyanu over a fruit when there will be no opportunity to say it over that fruit later, but later poskim say not to go looking for such a thing

08:43 Speaker 2 Like that. The birth of a son, the birth of a daughter. For the birth of a daughter, one recites Shehecheyanu; for the birth of a son, one recites Hatov Vehameitiv. Of course, these blessings may be recited at these times, because the opportunity to perform this mitzvah passes. As for things we refrain from acquiring because of Shehecheyanu, I want to qualify that a little. Things that are significant, pleasant, good and attractive, like a suit or a new shirt—those are things one should avoid buying. But there are several qualifications. First, anything a person needs, like glasses or undergarments, and similar things that are not really significant garments or significant purchases, may still be bought throughout the Three Weeks. Jewelry and silverware, too—the main restriction on silverware applies specifically during the Nine Days, not the Three Weeks. These are things in which we reduce expressions of joy, joyful business dealings. We’ll talk about that in the video on the Nine Days. Still, one should know that during these days of mourning, we try to avoid anything that brings a person joy. As for renovations and buying a new home, it is best not to move into a new home during the Three Weeks. A contract may be signed without any problem, and so may a memorandum of understanding. During the Nine Days, leading up to Tisha B’Av, it is more advisable to be stringent about this. If someone can be stringent throughout the Three Weeks as well, well, that is excellent. It is advisable if possible, but only advisable—nothing more. So if someone cannot wait to move into a new apartment, it is best at least to wait until after Tisha B’Av. If he can wait longer, then even until after the month of Menachem Av; if he can wait a little less, then at least until 15 Menachem Av. If someone must move into the apartment, the Rebbe writes that it is advisable—and this is the custom—to move his things into the apartment before 17 Tammuz, so that it will be considered as though he has already moved in. In general, the Rebbe writes that it is advisable

10:44 Speaker 2 to bring a siddur, a Chumash, Tehillim, Tanya, bread and salt into the apartment before then. Also, with a new home, one may whitewash it and make any necessary repairs up until the Nine Days, and even during the Nine Days. These are necessities—plumbing, urgent work that needs to be done in the home, even painting to cover up dirt, just as one cleans dirt from a home. That is permitted. But special painting, to make it more beautiful or impressive, is not done during the Three Weeks. Moving into a rented apartment is less of a concern than moving into an apartment one is happy to have bought. Even so, it is important and advisable to be as stringent as possible during the Three Weeks, and, if possible, to postpone it at least until after Tisha B’Av. We’ll continue with events held during the Three Weeks. It is straightforward that, according to Ashkenazi custom, weddings are not held during the Three Weeks, as the Rema writes in section 551, paragraph 4. Although the Shulchan Aruch is more lenient about this, and Sephardim may, at any rate, marry until Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av, our custom is certainly the Ashkenazi custom not to marry at this time. Nevertheless, an Ashkenazi may attend a Sephardic wedding. He may also officiate at a Sephardic wedding, and it appears that he may even participate fully, including in the music at a Sephardic wedding. By the letter of the law, someone who has not fulfilled the mitzvah of having children may marry during the Three Weeks. So although the custom is to be stringent and not to marry, betrothal—that is, formally consecrating a woman in marriage—is, at any rate, permitted by the letter of the law. In the past, betrothal and marriage did not take place together: the man would betroth the woman, and some time would pass before the sheva brachos were held. But since today they almost always take place together, it is very rare for something like this to be permitted. In any case, someone facing a rare, exceptional situation should

12:57 Speaker 2 consult a rabbi about it. As for other events, a bris is certainly held at its proper time. The big question is whether one may have instrumental music at a bris, a pidyon haben or other special events like a bar mitzvah. There is indeed a major disagreement about instrumental music, stemming from the broader discussion of instrumental music throughout the year. It is not so simple. If we look at the Gemaras, there is discussion of permitting instrumental music throughout the year. In practice, the Rambam, the Ri, the Meiri and many other early authorities are cited as permitting instrumental music for mitzvah occasions, but not in other circumstances. During the Three Weeks, however, everyone has the custom to be stringent, even Sephardim, who are more lenient about this during the rest of the year. The Shulchan Aruch discusses the matter there; that is, it is the Magen Avraham, in subsection 10 there, who brings up instrumental music. In any event, Sephardic custom, too, is to be stringent about instrumental music during the Three Weeks. There is, however, a discussion among the halachic authorities about whether instrumental music may be heard at events that are held during this time, such as a bris or a pidyon haben. In practice, our custom is not to have instrumental music at these events, or even at sheva brachos. Regarding instrumental music at these events, the Magen Avraham writes in subsection 10 of section 551 that we do not listen to instrumental music during the Three Weeks either. He writes this because there is a very extensive discussion about instrumental music throughout the year in general: permission to hear it throughout the year was given only with difficulty. The early halachic authorities said, though, that the custom among the Jewish people as a whole is to play music throughout the year for mitzvah occasions and Torah-related occasions, not simply for other things. During the Three Weeks, therefore, by all opinions—even according to Sephardic practice—the custom is not to listen to instrumental music, even, as we’ll discuss later, on the radio. But

15:00 Speaker 2 the big question is whether instrumental music is permitted at events like a bris or sheva brachos. There is a major disagreement about this, not only between Sephardim and Ashkenazim, to put it in very broad terms, but among Ashkenazim as well. Rabbi Feinstein, for example, permitted instrumental music at sheva brachos, but that is not our custom. That also appears to be the Rebbe’s position, closer to that of the Yaavetz and the Eliyah Rabbah: the custom is not to have instrumental music at any of these events held during the Three Weeks, and that is our practice. Also, although by the letter of the law one may hold a hachnasas sefer Torah and make siyumim on tractates during these days, the custom is to save the siyumim for the Nine Days, when the Rebbe asked that siyumim be held. It is advisable to postpone a hachnasas sefer Torah until after this period. We’ll continue with instrumental music, dancing and celebrations during the Three Weeks. The basic ruling on this appears in the Magen Avraham, subsection 10 of section 551. The Magen Avraham writes that the custom during the Three Weeks is not to have instrumental music or dancing. Some halachic authorities sought to distinguish here between the Rema and the Shulchan Aruch. In other words, the Shulchan Aruch discussed weddings and marriage in the preceding paragraph, paragraph 2, and says they can certainly be held until Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av. Here it is only the Rema, in paragraph 4, who discusses instrumental music in connection with marriage—specifically with marriage. So some authorities wanted to argue that instrumental music and weddings go together, and that perhaps, according to those who permit weddings until Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av, we should permit instrumental music as well. But most authorities discussed this and do not appear to agree. Therefore, by almost all opinions, instrumental music and dancing are prohibited from 17 Tammuz and throughout the Three Weeks. What is more, as we discussed regarding events, our custom too

17:24 Speaker 2 At all events, even at sheva brachos, musical instruments should not be used. One may sing and bring joy to the bride and groom, but not with musical instruments. However, Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach has a responsum explaining that children in camps and kindergartens are not as bound by the laws of mourning. As we see, when something is good for raising children, we are not strict about it even on Yom Kippur and Tisha B’Av. So certainly during these days, the matter is more lenient, and children may be played the radio and various kinds of recorded music. Although adults should be strict about this, kindergarten teachers and anyone else working with the children may play these things for them. The same applies to elevator music or music playing in stores. A person does not need to go out of his way to avoid entering a store because music is playing there, since he does not intend to enjoy it. But if he goes in to enjoy the music, that is certainly not right. There is an important question about people who earn their living by playing music. The Pri Megadim writes clearly that they may continue to earn their living this way, because it is a matter of livelihood. Even if they play for non-Jews, they may continue to do so, since it is their livelihood. But that raises a question about people who are learning to play and practicing an instrument. Do we say that their case is exactly like the ruling of the Pri Megadim—that just as those who earn their living from music are not playing for enjoyment, the same is true of those who practice? Or is it different? Some halachic authorities say it is not the same. Why? Because they are not doing it to earn a living; the permission was specifically given to someone whose livelihood depends on it. Or perhaps the main issue is enjoyment. Therefore, if someone would suffer a financial loss—for example, if before Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av he paid for music lessons for his child or for himself—then in that case

19:25 Speaker 2 he may continue if his money will not be refunded. If his money is refunded, or he will not lose anything, it is proper—and one should even make a point of it from the outset—to refrain until Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av. From Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av onward, even someone who would suffer a financial loss should make a point of refraining. If the financial loss from missing the practice sessions alone would be very great, it is best to ask a rabbi. We will continue with the laws of outings and travel during the Three Weeks. In general, the Shulchan Aruch writes in section 18 that during these Three Weeks it is best to avoid anything dangerous. This is also brought in Pesachim, page 111: from 17 Tammuz, there is greater danger specifically in the area between sunlight and shade. Although today we are less particular about the matters mentioned there in Pesachim, such as the issue of pairs, for those familiar with it, and so on, it is still very important to take care to avoid danger during the Three Weeks. Once this period begins, it is a less favorable time, and we try to minimize certain activities, such as legal disputes with non-Jews. After all, it says that when the month of Av begins, we reduce our rejoicing. It is worth trying, already during the Three Weeks, to be careful about anything affected by mazal, especially anything involving danger. Therefore, although strictly speaking one may swim in the sea or a pool during the Three Weeks until Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av—that is what I mean, because from then on bathing is already forbidden—it is still best to avoid going to those places. The reason is not only the danger. It is also that, at a time when we mourn the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash and await the future Geulah and the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash, it is less appropriate to go looking for pleasures. This is not a time to seek them out. Still, there is a qualification: if a person is not going for pleasure, but is taking his children on an outing, or especially if he is going in order to

21:21 Speaker 2 educate them and invest his time in them, then it is certainly permitted, and even desirable, to take them wherever he is taking them. He must just be very careful about anything involving danger. He should make sure there is supervision at the site and supervise them himself. He needs to be careful and aware that during these days we avoid such things, so it is best to avoid outings at this time. If someone must take a long trip, the Rebbe writes that it is best to make the arrangements for the trip before 17 Tammuz, so that by 17 Tammuz it will be considered to have begun—even though he has not actually set out. As for medical treatments during the Three Weeks, we need to distinguish between very serious treatments, such as surgery or other complicated procedures, and routine treatments. The Rebbe writes in several places that, if possible, complicated treatments should be postponed until Elul, or at least until 15 Menachem Av. If that is not possible, then at least until after Tisha B’Av. If someone cannot postpone these complicated treatments, it is preferable to have them before Shabbos Chazon. In other words, one should keep them as far from Tisha B’Av as possible, whether before or after it; the same applies to the Three Weeks. It is best to minimize complicated medical procedures during the Three Weeks as much as possible. But simple, routine medical matters—making a dentist’s appointment, arranging a routine treatment or having a blood test, things a person knows he needs to take care of regularly—do not need to be postponed, and there is no problem with them. One more point must be emphasized: if a matter involves a danger to life, it certainly must not be postponed for even a moment. If it is possible to do so without reducing the person’s care, it is best to consult a rabbi about exactly what constitutes a danger to life. Among the Rebbe’s instructions for these days is that it is very important to strengthen Ahavas Yisroel. Beyond the fact that Ahavas Yisroel brings

23:28 Speaker 2 the Redeemer, it is certainly a remedy for the baseless hatred because of which the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed. The Rebbe writes that it is very important to make a point of learning Torah and to take on additional Torah study, especially the inner dimension of Torah, which brings the Geulah closer, and particularly those parts of Torah that deal with Geulah and Moshiach. This includes teachings of the inner dimension of Torah about Geulah and Moshiach, and Mishnayos dealing with the building of the Beis Hamikdash. It is also good to make a point of studying Tractate Middos and Tractate Tamid, the prophecies of Yechezkel about the building of the Beis Hamikdash, and the laws of the Beis Hamikdash in the Rambam. Special books have been published on this subject. And certainly, it is good to increase one’s giving of tzedakah, for tzedakah brings the Geulah closer: “Tziyon shall be redeemed through justice, and her returnees through tzedakah.”