The Days of the Omer and Shavuos for Women - Rabbi Menachem Mendel Harel shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You’re listening to the “Lema’an Yishme’u” podcast from Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 During the days of Sefiras HaOmer, we have two special occasions. First of all, Pesach Sheini. Pesach Sheini is that special day that teaches every Jew that even things that seem utterly lost can still be corrected and made whole. As the Rebbe brings in Hayom Yom, Pesach Sheini teaches that nothing is lost. It is always possible to correct things and make up for what was missed. Even if a person, G-d forbid, was on a distant road and did not offer the Pesach sacrifice—even if, G-d forbid, it was a case of “for you,” meaning it was deliberate—when Pesach Sheini comes, it is possible to correct it and make up for it. So every Jewish man and woman needs to know that nothing is lost in serving Hashem. Even if a situation seems to be at the lowest point, both in physical terms and to the mind, there is always a way to correct and make up for what was lacking. The custom on Pesach Sheini, as is well known, is not to say Tachanun, and to eat matzah. The custom of eating matzah applies on the 14th, and some also eat it on the following night, the night of the 15th. Beyond that, though, there are no particular additional observances. As our Sages said, “He eats matzah while chametz is in his house,” so one may eat the matzah together with chametz; there is no problem with that. Of course, since Pesach Sheini is a special occasion, there is reason to add a little joy. But again, beyond that, it does not have the status of a Yom Tov or a prohibition against work, and the like. Of course, the custom is to hold a farbrengen in connection with Pesach Sheini. The men farbreng separately, the women separately, and of course one can farbreng with the family, with the children, and talk together about these themes of Pesach Sheini: that a Jew can always correct things and make up for what was missed, and can always leave a previous state behind for an entirely new state in serving Hashem. Another occasion we have during the days of Sefiras HaOmer is the Yom

03:24 Speaker 2 Tov of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, the day of his joy, Lag BaOmer. This day is one of great joy, to the point that all the restrictions of the days of Sefirah are set aside and do not apply on Lag BaOmer. It is the day of his joy, as the Rebbe emphasizes several times: Rashbi himself called it the day of his joy. Rashbi, as is well known, is connected to Rabbi Akiva, because he was among the students who remained after the plague—those five students from whom Torah flourished again in the Jewish people. And Rabbi Akiva’s teaching is the one the Rebbe repeatedly emphasizes and included among the Twelve Pesukim: “Love your fellow as yourself” is a great principle of the Torah. So of course, this is a great foundation of the day of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai’s joy, and a great foundation of the farbrengens and celebrations, where we speak and rejoice in a spirit of “Love your fellow as yourself.” The Rebbe also points out Lag BaOmer’s special connection to Jewish women. As is known, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai and his son Rabbi Elazar had to flee from the Roman decree. For a time, they hid in various places, and they were in great danger. And it was not only they who were in great danger: anyone who knew where they were and failed to report it to the authorities was also in danger. Nevertheless, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai’s wife and Rabbi Elazar’s wife made sure to bring them food and drink, so they could eat and drink and immerse themselves in Torah study. Thanks to this, they had the strength to carry on until, as is known, they were forced to flee to the cave. There they experienced the miracle of a spring that was created for them and a carob tree that provided their food. They studied Torah in great holiness, and from that, of course, came all the special holiness of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai. As he said to his father-in-law, Rabbi Pinchas ben Yair: when Rabbi Pinchas ben Yair saw the cracks and wounds all over his body, he wept. Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai said

06:32 Speaker 2 to him, “Had you not seen me like this—had you not seen me after all this pain and suffering—I would not have attained all that I attained.” And all this was, as we said, thanks to the self-sacrifice not only of Rabbi Shimon and his son Rabbi Elazar, but also of their wives, who showed tremendous self-sacrifice for them so that they could continue studying Torah. As is known, this day is a Yom Tov for all the Jewish people. At the same time, our Rebbeim placed special emphasis on this Yom Tov being connected specifically with Jewish children. The Rebbe brought this into focus and revealed its significance through the special event known as the Lag BaOmer parades, where children march together with Jewish pride, with signs and flags and proclamations, declaring that we are happy to be those who follow the path of Hakadosh Boruch Hu. We are proud to be connected to Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, his Torah and his service of Hashem. And who prepares the children to be ready for this? Who prepares them for this celebration? The Jewish women, the mothers. So it follows that this Yom Tov of Lag BaOmer also has a special connection to Jewish women and girls, because they educate the children and bring them to be worthy of becoming Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai’s students and following in his ways. Of course, on this day we increase our joy, first of all by lighting bonfires in honor of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai—with proper safety precautions, of course—and celebrating. And it goes without saying that all the celebrating and dancing and so on must be conducted with proper modesty: the men separately and the women separately. On Lag BaOmer we do not say Tachanun, beginning with Mincha on the day before Lag BaOmer and, of course, throughout the day’s prayers. For a child who has reached the age of three, the custom is to celebrate his first haircut, leaving his peyos—what is called an upsherenish—on Lag BaOmer. Of course, it is important to note:

09:17 Speaker 2 Our custom is not to wait until Lag BaOmer for every child. In other words, if a child, for example, turns three on 6 Adar, we do not wait until Lag BaOmer; we hold his upsherenish on 6 Adar. The same applies to any other date during the year. Only children who turn three during the days of Sefirah before Lag BaOmer wait until Lag BaOmer for their upsherenish. For children who turn three after Lag BaOmer, we do not bring their upsherenish forward to Lag BaOmer. Rather, we hold their upsherenish immediately after Shavuos. So children who turn three during the days of Sefirah have their first haircut, leaving the peyos of the head, on this day, the day of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai’s joy. The general custom is to go to Rashbi’s resting place for an upsherenish and have the first haircut there, or at least part of it. If that is not possible, then of course the celebration should be held at its proper time, and the child should have this special celebration of his first haircut, leaving his peyos—an important Jewish custom. We educate the child to keep the peyos of the head, this special mitzvah that distinguishes us from the nations, as Hakadosh Boruch Hu commanded us: “You shall not round off the corners of your heads.” Through this, the distinction between a Jew and a non-Jew is visible. These are the signs that show that here is a Jew, with a sign on both sides: he wears peyos. On the day of a child’s first haircut—and certainly if it is Lag BaOmer, but even if it is not—we should know that this child is truly like a groom. As it is written, they are called “Rashbi’s grooms,” and so we should celebrate with them joyfully and give them things that make them happy: gifts and sweets, so they know that they are being educated in Torah, and that “the Torah of Your mouth is good for me.” Torah is something good. Torah is something sweet, and it is a pleasure to be

11:45 Speaker 2 It is connected to the Torah of Hakadosh Boruch Hu, and therefore this custom should be observed with great joy and love, so that the child feels his special connection to the joy of leaving his peyos and to the celebration of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai. Even if a child’s third birthday falls before Lag BaOmer, we wait during the days of the Omer, as mentioned, until Lag BaOmer arrives. But all the practices associated with turning three begin as soon as he turns three: wearing tzitzis, washing his hands, saying brachos, and so on. We begin observing these with him at age three, even if the upsherin celebration is delayed for the reason mentioned. If, for some reason—usually because of the parades—the haircut takes place in the afternoon, and they want to begin the meal but it continues into the night, an hour after Lag BaOmer ends, that is possible. There is no requirement to finish the meal specifically during Lag BaOmer. As for food and drink, of course, on this day, which is Rashbi’s day of celebration, we hold a meal in Rashbi’s honor and have many farbrengens. There is also a custom to eat hard-boiled eggs and carobs. The Rebbe mentions both of these customs: eating hard-boiled eggs and eating carobs. The most important custom in our generation, which the Rebbe instituted and promoted with great enthusiasm—we mentioned it generally earlier—is the Lag BaOmer parades. These parades are in honor of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, and men, women and children go to them—boys and girls, and even infants in their cradles. Everyone goes and marches in this special parade in Rashbi’s honor. In the parade, we show the entire street the unity of all Jewish children. Rashbi’s mission was to bring about unity: the connection between Hakadosh Boruch Hu and the world, between Hakadosh Boruch Hu and the Jewish people, and among Jews themselves. And so, on this day, we express our connection

14:21 Speaker 2 to Rashbi and show that we walk in his path together, with one Torah and with faith in the one Hashem. We do this out in the city streets, revealing holiness within the world: there are no barriers between the world and holiness; rather, holiness permeates and is reflected in worldly matters. Of course, here too it is important to note and remember, again and again, what the Rebbe mentions repeatedly regarding gatherings attended by men and women, boys and girls: everything must be conducted with tznius. Men separately and women separately; boys separately and girls separately. And of course, if a large gathering or parade is held, it must be arranged properly, so that, G-d forbid, there is no mingling, but rather a kiddush Hashem and conduct befitting the sanctity of Hashem’s name. The days of the Omer are completed, and on the fiftieth day we enter the festival of Shavuos. Shavuos is the fiftieth day of the counting of the Omer. Shavuos is a Yom Tov. Shavuos is the time of the giving of our Torah, and as is well known, women have a special connection to the giving of the Torah. Regarding Hashem’s words, “So shall you say to the house of Jacob and tell the children of Israel,” Hakadosh Boruch Hu told Moshe Rabbeinu: Go and speak to the women, because through the women, the men will then observe the Torah. Through a woman’s encouragement, persuasion and the joy she brings her husband, he does the things she wants him to do. So the men’s observance of the Torah depends on the strength and merit of the women. Moreover, our Sages note the special virtue of women in that they raise our children to study Torah. A child receives the Torah’s sweetness and pleasantness through the merit and strength of his mother. So when we arrive at this festival, Shavuos, the time of the giving of our Torah, a woman should know the special virtue and privilege she has—every woman, as a Jewish woman. And in our generation, when

17:16 Speaker 2 women themselves also study and teach, they certainly have a special connection to the Torah. At the same time, a woman has a special ability to influence her husband and the members of her household, so that they become an inseparable part of this path of receiving the Torah, continually growing in it. Therefore this day, the day we received the Torah, the day the Torah was given, is a day of great joy. One distinctive way this joy is expressed is that our Sages say there is particular significance in eating a pleasurable meal on Shavuos. As the Gemara relates, Rabbi Yosef said: Prepare a choice, third-born calf for me for Shavuos. Because of this day, the day the Torah was given, I became Rabbi Yosef; my physical body was transformed in its very essence into a holy body through Torah study. So the joy should be expressed specifically through physical eating, through a good meal, including meat. At the same time, as is well known, it is a Jewish custom to eat dairy foods on Shavuos, because the Torah is compared to honey and milk, along with several other reasons given for this. So the mother, who prepares the meals—if preparing them has special significance on every Shabbos and every festival, it certainly does on a festival when we express our joy that we merited “You chose us from among all the nations” and He gave us His Torah: Hakadosh Boruch Hu’s special choice of the Jewish people at the giving of the Torah. The mother certainly has a special role in expressing that delight specifically through food and drink. One particular thing to pay attention to is eating both dairy and meat foods on Shavuos. We should eat both dairy and meat. At the same time, we must observe the laws requiring separation between meat and milk, so that, G-d forbid, the added celebration does not lead to a mistake or mishap in these matters,

19:58 Speaker 2 in the basic laws of keeping meat and milk separate. Regarding eating dairy foods on Shavuos, the Rebbe’s custom is to eat dairy foods after the daytime Kiddush—dairy mezonos foods. Of course, be mindful of the amount eaten, whether it constitutes a meal. Afterward, following a break of one hour, meat foods may be eaten. The first point: make sure there is an hour between eating dairy and eating meat. Of course, doing it the other way around is not recommended, because after meat one must wait six hours before eating dairy, and there usually is not enough time in the day to eat meat and then, six hours later, dairy. Those who make a larger dairy meal may do so as well; that is perfectly fine. Just pay attention to that same requirement: there must be a separation between eating dairy and eating meat. Here is an example of what cannot be done. You cannot eat meat and dairy in the same meal, even an hour apart. In other words, if you want to make Kiddush and then wash for bread, eat a dairy meal, and then pause for an hour from the time you ate the dairy—perhaps serving various other foods that are not dairy—and after an hour begin eating meat, that is not possible. We do not eat dairy and meat in one meal, even if an hour has passed. Therefore, there must be a concluding brachah, followed by a new meal for the meat. There must be a one-hour break between eating dairy and eating meat. But if, for example, people ate dairy and then talked, sang songs, and reviewed points from the Rebbe’s sichos and teachings about the day, and an hour passed during that time, and then they recited Birkas Hamazon and want to eat meat, that is also fine. The main thing is that an hour has passed since eating the dairy foods. The hour need not be counted from the concluding brachah. Regarding warming up the dairy and meat foods: it is Yom Tov. There is no

22:49 Speaker 2 A toaster oven, no working oven. If there’s an oven running on a Shabbos timer, that’s fine. That isn’t possible in every home, and so on. If they want to use the same hotplate to heat the dairy pans as well, the hotplate must be completely clean. Before Yom Tov, they should prepare two layers of aluminum foil, place the dairy pans on top, and heat them. Afterward, of course, they should throw away the foil, and everything is fine. They also need to be careful that nothing spills over, so that further questions don’t arise, because sometimes it starts to get complicated. So ideally, of course, it’s better to heat the food in a dairy place to begin with—in a dairy oven running on a Shabbos timer, or on a dairy hotplate. But if that isn’t available, I’ve explained what can be done. Eating meat on Shavuos is a positive Torah commandment, because there is no rejoicing without meat. There is no rejoicing without wine. So a person can’t say, “I enjoy eating dairy foods.” Here, eating meat is an actual mitzvah of rejoicing on Yom Tov. Therefore, the meals need to be planned so that one eats meat on Shavuos, after finishing the dairy foods, as mentioned earlier. An extremely important point about Shavuos: the entire giving of the Torah was in the merit of the children. “Our children are our guarantors.” That is why the Rebbe makes such a great emphasis on every boy and girl, even an infant in a crib, hearing the Ten Commandments on Shavuos. Mothers should therefore make sure to come with their children to hear the Ten Commandments on Shavuos. It’s best if they can come to davening and hear the Ten Commandments during the Torah reading. If that isn’t possible, there are also children’s gatherings held specifically so that the Ten Commandments can be read to children on Shavuos, and they should come there with their children. It’s important to note that the practice

25:44 Speaker 2 of reciting Tikkun Leil Shavuos is only for men. Women do not have this practice and do not need to recite Tikkun Leil Shavuos at all—not as a matter of Chassidus, a stringency, or a special hiddur. Of course, I should mention again that in recent years, practices have developed in various places in which women also stay up on Shavuos night. That is not our custom. But if we are talking about such things, it’s important to know that this, too, and all conduct surrounding Shavuos, must be carried out with tznius. Above all, parents need to keep an eye on the children—especially boys going to shul, or girls if they go out—so that they don’t waste their time and, G-d forbid, instead of receiving the Torah, end up doing the exact opposite. So we need to know what our practice is, what conduct is proper, and what is appropriate.