Laws of Purim for Women - Rabbi Menachem Mendel Harel shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You’re listening to Lema’an Yishme’u, a podcast from Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 With Hashem’s help, we’re approaching the days of Purim, and these days are “remembered and observed” every single year. The Rebbe always cites the words of the Arizal about “remembered and observed”: the things that were accomplished the first time are accomplished anew now as well. So all the aspects of Purim—the great joy, “the Jews had light and joy,” “the month that was transformed for them from sorrow to joy”—come alive again every year. As we approach Purim, then, along with the general preparations and the preparations that take a lot of work—making the children happy with costumes, as we’ll discuss later, including the question of what kinds of costumes to choose; preparing mishloach manos; and, of course, the festive meals and so on—we also need to prepare for the inner content of the days of Purim: the avodah of great joy. The darkest place, point, and moment are transformed into the most uplifting and joyful state. As the Megillah says, “These days of Purim shall never pass from among the Jews, nor shall their remembrance cease from their descendants.” In other words, Purim will never end. Chassidus explains that because Purim, and Chanukah as well, came about through the avodah of the Jewish people and the power of mesirus nefesh—the essence of the soul that was revealed in connection with those days—they endure forever. Even in the days of Moshiach, the unique significance of Chanukah and Purim will still be felt. And when we speak about our subject, Jewish women of course have a special connection and distinction here, because the main miracle of Purim came about through the mesirus nefesh of Queen Esther. She gave herself completely so that relief and deliverance would come to the Jews. She brought about the transformation; she brought about the miracle. As the Megillah says, “I have given Haman’s house to Esther.” So when we speak about the joy of Purim and fulfilling its mitzvos, Jewish women certainly have a special affection for and connection to

03:14 Speaker 2 fulfilling the mitzvos of Purim. There are several aspects to the laws and mitzvos of Purim. First is when Purim is observed. Purim is unusual in that its date differs from place to place, unlike all the other festivals, which have a fixed date in the month that applies equally throughout the world. Outside Eretz Yisroel there is a second day of Yom Tov, but it is still observed at the same time. Purim, by contrast, differs between unwalled cities, walled cities such as Jerusalem, and cities whose status is uncertain. In unwalled cities, Purim is on the 14th; in walled cities, on the 15th; and in cities whose status is uncertain, it is celebrated on the 14th, with the customs also observed on the 15th. There is Taanis Esther on the day before Purim, and there are the days of preparation for Purim. Though they are not directly part of Purim, by hashgachah pratis they always fall around Purim: the Shabbosos on which we read the four special parshiyos, as we’ll discuss shortly. There is also the distinction between the two Adars in a leap year. When the calendar requires an extra month, there is Adar I and Adar II. Our Sages, of blessed memory, established that Purim should be observed in Adar II, to place one redemption next to another—the redemption of Purim next to the redemption of Pesach. At the same time, the Rema rules, and this is the practice of all Jewish people, that Purim Katan is also a day of joy. We do not observe all the mitzvos of Purim on that day; rather, we add to the meal—“one who is of good heart feasts continually”—and have a festive meal. But the character of Purim, its character as a Yom Tov, is already present on Purim Katan. Taanis Esther takes place only on the day near Purim in Adar II, not in Adar I. The custom is that someone born during Adar in an ordinary year celebrates their birthday in Adar II. If it is a yahrzeit for someone who passed away in an ordinary year, it is observed in Adar

05:54 Speaker 2 I. Purim therefore gives special significance to the timing and laws surrounding its observance—both the dates and the different places, each of which celebrates Purim as appropriate to it. This fast, Taanis Esther, differs from the four fasts: it is a fast of joy. It commemorates the fact that Hakadosh Boruch Hu answered the Jewish people in their time of distress. Hakadosh Boruch Hu accepted their fasting and their prayers—whether this refers to the fast Esther instituted, as the Megillah says, “the matters of the fasts and their cries,” or to the fast that Esther herself observed as she prayed for the success of the Jews who fought that day and defended themselves against their enemies. Either way, this is a fast of joy. There are, of course, some practical halachic differences that we discussed in the laws of fast days, but let’s mention another one here. The four fasts commemorating the destruction are postponed if they fall on Shabbos. Taanis Esther is different: it is brought forward. Why? We postpone something associated with misfortune and pray to Hashem that, since it has been postponed, it should be put off altogether. But a fast of joy is brought forward. So if Taanis Esther would have to be observed on Shabbos—for example, when the day before Purim falls on Shabbos, as sometimes happens when Purim begins on Motzaei Shabbos—we bring the fast forward to Thursday. And it goes so far that, while the other four fasts will be abolished with the Geulah, Taanis Esther is a fast of joy. So, based on what we have said, it would seem that it too will remain in the Geulah, because it is a special time of joy. Its very essence is that it is a special fast connected, as we said, with Hakadosh Boruch Hu answering the Jewish people when they cry out in distress, pray to Him, and receive an answer. So let me mention again that it is worthwhile

08:28 Speaker 2 to listen to the laws concerning fasting, and Taanis Esther in particular, in the class on the laws of fast days. This is especially relevant for people who are somewhat ill, pregnant women, nursing mothers, and so on, who have special laws that apply to them, particularly on Taanis Esther. The custom is that on the day before Purim, Taanis Esther, before Minchah, we give coins to tzedakah as a remembrance of the half-shekel. May Hakadosh Boruch Hu help that, with Hashem’s help, very soon—this very year—we will merit to give the actual half-shekel to the Beis Hamikdash. But during exile, we give coins before Purim in remembrance of the half-shekel. Why do we give them before Purim? Our Sages, of blessed memory, taught us that when the wicked Haman sought, G-d forbid, “to destroy, kill, and annihilate,” he said to Achashverosh, “I will weigh out ten thousand talents of silver through those who perform the work.” Hakadosh Boruch Hu said to him: “Wicked man, their shekels have already preceded your shekels.” The half-shekel that the Jewish people give will outweigh and overcome the silver you wanted to give Achashverosh, and your plan will be thwarted and nullified. And as we know, what he plotted to do was done to him: he and his sons were hanged on the gallows. So before Purim we bring forward our shekels, the half-shekel—the remembrance of the half-shekel—and give them before the Megillah reading. When the Beis Hamikdash stood, the half-shekel went, of course, to the Beis Hamikdash for communal offerings and so on, as our Sages explain and as the Rambam sets out in the laws concerning the half-shekel and the collection of shekels. Nowadays, while we are still awaiting the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash, we give the half-shekel to shuls, study halls, Torah scholars, people in need, and those who study Torah. It is important to note that the coins given in remembrance of the half-shekel are in addition to agra d’ta’anisa. The Rebbe renewed and encouraged the custom that on a fast day, besides fasting oneself, one should give agra d’ta’anisa—meaning a monetary contribution in connection with the fast. Let me explain: On the one hand, the purpose of the fast is, of course,

11:05 Speaker 2 that eating and drinking are forbidden, but at the same time, the main point of the fast is that the day of the fast is an auspicious time, a time of favor before Hashem. Our Sages showed from what the prophet writes that the main point of a fast is not merely that a person does not eat or drink. Rather, as a continuation and result of the fast, a person bends his heart and submits it to Hashem. As it says there, “To bend his head like a reed.” In other words, a person submits himself to the will of Hakadosh Boruch Hu. This submission comes from breaking the body’s coarseness by not eating or drinking on the day of the fast. And how is that submission expressed? First of all, by increasing one’s service of Hashem, and first of all by increasing connection and love between one person and another. The prophet himself explains it there: “Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the wandering poor into your home?” To give tzedakah, to give to the poor. The custom is to give the poor the amount one would have spent on a meal, so they can sustain themselves. This tzedakah is first and foremost material tzedakah, and that is why the custom is to give agra d’ta’anisa, the “reward of the fast”—the money one would have spent on a meal on the fast day. Along with that, there is also spiritual tzedakah for someone who is poor in knowledge: to give to him and enrich him with spiritual tzedakah, especially in our time, through the study of Chassidus, the inner dimension of the Torah, which offers a taste of the Torah of Moshiach. So that is the matter of agra d’ta’anisa. Apart from that, there is the matter of the half-shekel. I’m explaining this so we know that these are not the same thing. As we mentioned, the custom nowadays is to give a half-shekel, in remembrance of the half-shekel, at Minchah on the Fast of Esther. Those obligated to observe this custom are males over the age of thirteen, who give a half-denomination coin according to each country. In the Land of

13:24 Speaker 2 Israel, it is a half-shekel; in the United States, a half-dollar; and so on. The custom, however, is to give three half-denomination coins, corresponding to the three mentions of “contribution” in connection with the half-shekel, the contribution for the Mishkan. A person gives this half-shekel for himself. In other words, each person gives for himself, and the custom is also to give for one’s wife and children, sons and daughters. That is how our Rebbeim conducted themselves. There is just one thing to remember: once a person has given for his sons or daughters, he is obligated to continue this custom every year. If he wants to do it without making a vow, he must say explicitly that he is doing it without a vow. Of course, a person is obligated to give for himself; there is no question of a vow or of doing it without a vow. The “without a vow” condition is effective only for the additional people for whom he is now giving a half-shekel coin or coins. Someone who did not manage to give the half-shekel at Minchah before the fast can do so on Purim itself, before the Megillah reading. As mentioned, women are not obligated in this; the obligation is on the men. Women are obligated in the mitzvah of hearing the Megillah. As mentioned, the miracle came about through a woman, and women therefore have a special connection to the fulfillment of this mitzvah. If a woman can come to shul to hear the Megillah reading, all the better. But if she cannot come to shul to hear it, then she has two options: either arrange for her husband, brother, or someone similar to read from a kosher Megillah for her at home, or go to a gathering of women and hear the Megillah reading there. On Purim night, the custom is to continue fasting until after the Megillah reading. But if a woman feels weak and it is very difficult for her, and she cannot wait

15:51 Speaker 2 to eat until after the Megillah reading, she may have a taste before the reading—and the emphasis is on a taste. She may drink, and she may eat a small amount, up to the measure known as a kebeitzah: a little less than sixty grams, fifty-four grams. Or she may eat fruit or vegetables, for which there is no limit on the amount. Regarding the Megillah reading, both at night and during the day, it is important to know the order of priorities, because this affects the household, the children, and the husband. The halachah is that one must hear every single letter of the Megillah, the entire reading. Sometimes, if a mother comes to shul, the children will distract her and she will not be able to hear the entire Megillah. So it is better for her to wait until the father comes home and can watch the small children, who are disruptive and cannot sit through such a long Megillah reading. She can then go hear the reading where the women gather. As for the children themselves, it is very important to bring children to hear the Megillah reading in shul. At the same time, it is important to clarify which children: children who are a little older and can understand what they are told. Boruch Hashem, children today are perceptive and intelligent. Generally, even a three-year-old already understands that he can sit quietly and listen to the Megillah reading. But very young children cannot understand the meaning or purpose of hearing the Megillah; it is hard for them to sit, and they make noise. So yes, we should dress them up, give them costumes, and let them enjoy themselves—but not bring them to shul and create an uncomfortable situation, both for yourselves and for others. At that time, the mother should stay home and look after the very young children. Then the father will come home, and, as mentioned, the mother can go

18:14 Speaker 2 hear the Megillah reading in peace, so that she can hear the entire reading from beginning to end. Women, too, must hear the reading from a kosher Megillah. So when women gather to hear the Megillah together, it is important to know that reading from a Chumash is not enough. They need to bring someone who knows how to read from the Megillah according to halachah. There are rules for how it is read. At times, a word is read differently from how it is written. There is a correct pronunciation with which the Megillah must be read. Hearing someone read from a Chumash is therefore not enough. Hearing a live broadcast by telephone or through any other medium is not enough either. The reading must be live, from a kosher Megillah: the reader reads from the kosher Megillah, and the listener hears the reading in order. Regarding bringing young children to shul, it is important to mention that, alongside what we have said, the Rebbe encouraged bringing young children to shul. As for the concern that they will disturb others and make noise, the Rebbe said to give them plenty of time to make noise at Haman’s name. But clearly, this means children who are capable of understanding what they are told. A child who is truly very young—one or two years old, as we said—and cannot even understand that, may well be better off not being brought to shul for the entire Megillah reading, so that the benefit of bringing him is not outweighed by the loss. Before the Megillah is read for the women, one of them should recite the blessing: “Blessed are You, Who has sanctified us ... to hear the Megillah.” In other words, when women recite the blessing for themselves, the wording is not “concerning the reading of the Megillah,” but “to hear the Megillah.” Of course, if they recited the blessing “concerning the reading of the Megillah,” they have still fulfilled their obligation and do not need to recite the blessing again. During the Megillah reading, including when women are hearing a reading for women—of course, it goes without saying that “when women read for themselves” does not mean that a woman reads. It means that a man reads the Megillah from a kosher Megillah for the women, but

20:59 Speaker 2 Not that a woman should read from the Megillah scroll. There are verses at which it is customary to raise one’s voice: “There was a Jewish man in Shushan, the capital.” The reader himself raises his voice at the verse, “On that night, the king’s sleep was disturbed.” There are also the verses, “The Jews had light and joy,” and “Mordechai went out from the king’s presence.” And at the end of the Megillah, after “King Achashverosh imposed a tax,” it says that “Mordechai the Jew was second to King Achashverosh and great among the Jews,” and so on. That verse is said aloud. For these four verses—“There was a Jewish man,” “Mordechai went out,” “The Jews had light,” and “For Mordechai the Jew”—the reader stops before the verse. In our case, the women listening say the verse themselves from the text, and then the reader reads it again from the kosher Megillah scroll. Our custom is to make noise only when Haman’s name has an addition: “Haman son of Hamedasa,” “this wicked Haman,” or “Haman the Agagite.” We do not make noise every time Haman is mentioned. If a woman arrives even one word after the Megillah reading has begun, it does not help for her to listen from that point to the end and then hear the first verse, or whatever she missed, afterward. Whether she missed something at the beginning or in the middle, she must hear the Megillah in order. One who reads the Megillah out of order has not fulfilled the obligation. So it is very important to arrive before the reading begins in order to hear it all. Of course, it is also very important for the women organizing the reading to make sure everyone is ready before it starts. On the one hand, you cannot make someone who arrived on time wait a long time. On the other hand, it is sometimes worth waiting a few minutes so that a woman who is running slightly late can hear the Megillah in order and will not have to spend another hour. The Megillah reading takes roughly half an hour to forty minutes, and if she

23:24 Speaker 2 misses all of that because she arrived exactly one minute late, that is a real shame. So it is worth waiting a little—not a long time, but a little. Of course. I mentioned earlier the blessings the women recite. They recite all three blessings: “to hear the Megillah,” “Who performed miracles,” and Shehecheyanu. Before the reading, one woman recites the blessings on behalf of all the women, and they answer Amen. Our custom is that when listening to a blessing to fulfill an obligation, we do not say “Baruch Hu uvaruch Shemo.” Instead, we listen to the entire blessing from beginning to end, answer Amen, and intend to fulfill our obligation. We mentioned costumes. Dressing up is a wonderful, important, joyful part of Purim. At the same time, Purim costumes should convey something positive. We should certainly not give children costumes of negative characters or dress them up as such. This is certainly not the time or place to let impulses run wild. Another very important halachic point is that men and boys may not dress up as women or girls, and women and girls may not dress up as men or boys. The prohibition of lo yilbash applies on Purim too, and we must be careful about it. Baruch Hashem, there are more than enough possibilities—an abundance of creative, Chassidic, joyful costumes. But each person’s costume must be halachically appropriate: boys dressed as boys and girls as girls. The Rebbe also rejects dressing up as a wicked person, lest a child identify with, or come to want to resemble, the character they are dressed as and portraying. This applies on Purim as well.