Laws of Yichud - Rabbi Menachem Mendel Harel shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You are listening to the “Lema’an Yishme’u” podcast of Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 The subject we’re going to discuss now is the laws of yichud—being alone together—and the laws and rulings that come under that heading. Over the generations, our Sages instituted a number of rules concerning yichud: a man and a woman, or certain other people, being alone in a room or in a field, where they might, G-d forbid, come to conduct themselves in a way that is contrary to modesty. These rules are meant for the good of both the man and the woman. Every person has their own dignity and personal space. Sometimes, when there is no one else around, or no one who could come in soon, that protection is gone, and the situation can lead to a breach of modesty between a man and a woman. For this reason, and because of things that happened over the generations, our Sages saw fit to establish rules about when men and women may be alone together and when it is forbidden. We need to remember that our Sages assessed people as they actually are. Sometimes a person thinks these rules don’t apply to them—that they are mentally strong enough, whether a man or a woman—and afterward they are drawn into situations they never dreamed they would reach. Since this is a general class, we won’t go into the details of particular stories, but anyone with understanding knows what we mean. Sadly, when we hear about various incidents that have occurred, very often they resulted from not observing the safeguards our Sages established against forbidden intimacy and yichud. These laws touch every area of life: the private home, the office, and travel. It is therefore very important to know the principles that will help us observe these laws and preserve every person’s privacy and dignity, man and woman

03:40 Speaker 2 as appropriate to each. When a man and a woman who are not married to each other are in a secluded place, where no one else can see them or enter, that situation is considered yichud. As noted, even if they are busy with work or other matters at the time, it is forbidden for them to be there alone. There are times when it is permitted, and, with Hashem’s help, we’ll discuss those allowances as we go along. A woman may not be alone with a non-Jewish man even if his wife is with him, because non-Jews are suspect regarding forbidden relations, and his wife’s presence does not serve as a safeguard for him. Although we’ll discuss later that a woman may be in the same room with several men, that is only if those men observe the rules and boundaries of modesty. If they do not, and all the more so if their conduct is immodest, she may not be alone with them even if there are several of them. As our Sages said, with people who behave immodestly, it is forbidden for a woman to be alone even if there are ten of them. At what age do the laws of yichud begin? A girl over twelve and a boy over nine, or a boy of thirteen and a girl of three, may not be alone together. There is also reason to be stringent with a boy from the age of nine. Of course, we’re speaking about those who are not siblings. Brothers and sisters are permitted to be at home together. But if it continues for an extended period, there is a question about whether a brother and sister may be alone in their home for several days. Without making a vow, we’ll discuss that later, with Hashem’s help. Who may be alone together? A father and daughter, and a mother and son, may be alone together. Grandparents and grandchildren may be alone together. What

06:51 Speaker 2 should we be careful about when it comes to adoption? When people adopt a child, they usually do so at a very young age. But despite the adoptive parents’ deep feelings and the great merit they have, the child is still not their biological son or daughter. They therefore need to observe all the laws of yichud. A bride and groom who already know each other but have not yet married may not be alone together. On the contrary, they need to be even more careful, because their feelings for each other and their closeness are very strong. They must take particular care with the laws of yichud until they are married. As mentioned earlier, yichud is defined by being together in a particular place. Whose presence prevents a situation from being yichud? During the day, any additional man serves as a safeguard. That means two men and one woman may be alone together. At night, three men are required. This is, of course, provided that these men conduct themselves modestly and are not, G-d forbid, immodest in their conduct. As for women, the halacha is that their presence does not generally serve as a safeguard against yichud, apart from certain cases. Some halachic authorities write that during the day, three women serve as a safeguard, and at night, four or more. Within the extended family, too, there are women whose presence serves as a safeguard. Two sisters-in-law traveling together serve as safeguards for each other. A daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law each serve as a safeguard for the other, because these women can be relied upon to keep an eye on one another. In cases like these, two women are enough: a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law with a taxi driver, for example, serve as safeguards for each other. That is different from the ordinary cases we discussed earlier. Children between the ages of five and nine also serve as a safeguard against yichud. If they are in the house, their presence counts, and the reason

09:42 Speaker 2 is that children of that age tell others what they see without thinking about it. This is particularly relevant when a couple marries while the bride is a niddah and in similar situations: a child in that age range is considered an effective safeguard. If a woman works in a workplace where there are men, and her husband is in town, then even though he is not in the same office at the time, his presence in town serves as a safeguard for her against yichud. In general, men and women working together is a very sensitive, complicated issue, and not at all simple. From a halachic standpoint, it is preferable to avoid it entirely from the outset. Even where it is already the situation, the circumstances under which it is permitted involve many, many restrictions. But if it has been permitted or is an existing reality, then, first, besides the precautions we’ll discuss, when it comes to yichud, her husband’s presence in town counts as a safeguard. Even when her husband is in town, however, this allowance does not help if the men are not careful about modesty or if there is too much personal closeness between the woman and those men. A woman often needs to travel by taxi, or she may be the only passenger left on a bus with the driver. Halachic authorities have permitted this in two circumstances. First, if the bus is traveling within a city that is generally busy with people, there is no problem even if she is the only passenger. Second, if it is a recognized company and the driver works for that company, he will generally not allow himself to behave improperly, and that is considered a safeguard for the woman when she is alone on the bus. All this is on condition that other vehicles travel along the route and that people can see into the vehicle from outside. The same applies to a taxi, and so the practice when traveling with a driver at night is,

12:22 Speaker 2 So turn on the light, so people outside can see what is happening inside. It is very important to emphasize that even when riding in a taxi within the city with the light on, or on a bus, a woman should not sit next to the driver. In a taxi she should sit in the back, and on a bus, several rows back, so that there is no unwanted contact between her and the driver. One should know that the laws of yichud—the precautions against being alone together—also apply to brothers-in-law, cousins, uncles, and so on. Only immediate family—parents, siblings, and grandparents—are permitted to be alone together. And as I said regarding brothers and sisters, that is only for short stays. If a brother and sister are going to live in the same house, the halachic authorities have written that this presents an actual problem of yichud. As for riding in an elevator, our elevators can generally be opened from the outside, so there is no problem of yichud. A blessing upon anyone who is stringent about this. When hiring a babysitter to watch the children, one should know that the laws of yichud apply. If she is an older girl, some of the children may also be older. If there are children there between the ages of five and nine, as we said earlier, there is certainly no problem. But if all the boys are already over nine, and there is a problem of yichud, one of two things is needed: either give a key to one of the neighbors and ask them to come in from time to time to see that everything is all right, and make sure the babysitter knows that a neighbor might come in... It need not be a male neighbor. Usually it is more comfortable and appropriate for a female neighbor to come in and check; that is also better and more proper. Once the babysitter knows that the neighbor can come in, that prevents yichud. Alternatively, if it is not possible to make such an arrangement with a neighbor—if there is no neighbor, for example—the parents should tell her that they may return

14:38 Speaker 2 in half an hour or forty-five minutes, or at least one of them may, so that she knows someone could come in at any moment. Regarding a visit to a doctor: ideally, a man should be examined by a male doctor and a woman by a female doctor. This is particularly true of what is called complementary medicine today, which often goes beyond strictly professional treatment and can sometimes involve emotions and a great deal of conversation. Certainly, a man should go to a man and a woman to a woman. But if, for some reason, a woman needs to be examined by a male doctor, great care must be taken with the laws of yichud. In an ordinary clinic, there is generally no concern about yichud, because medical secretaries and others are constantly coming and going. Where is particular care needed? In private clinics, especially when appointments are sometimes held at night, when no one else is around. A woman should not go to a doctor under circumstances that would create yichud. Ideally, of course, her husband, father, mother, or mother-in-law should accompany her, so that she does not find herself in a situation of prohibited yichud. When staying in a hotel, one must be careful about matters of modesty in general, and also about yichud. One should be able to lock the room so that people from outside cannot enter it. Yichud generally concerns men and women, but if people of the same sex—men with men or women with women—conduct themselves in an immodest way with one another, it is also forbidden to be alone with them, and all the laws of yichud apply just as they do between a man and a woman. May Hashem protect us from mistakes.