Educating Children to Recite Blessings - Rabbi Yosef Avraham Pizam shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You’re listening to the “Lema’an Yishme’u” podcast from Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 A very interesting topic now: teaching young children to say blessings. It really is interesting, because we also have guidance here for the different ages. So let’s begin. Blessings over food: Even babies who are beginning to speak are taught to say blessings and answer amen, until saying blessings becomes habitual and automatic for them, along the lines of the expression, “He reads it on his own.” The sweet little chassidic child hears and knows: here we call out amen, here we say amen. It gets into his bones. Not just saying the blessings aloud, but also, and primarily, having them permeate his entire being—his desires and wishes, his mind and his character. This comes through teaching him the meaning of the blessings: to fear Hashem, to love Him, and to remember Hashem always through the blessings he constantly says. That is almost the Rebbe’s exact wording in Toras Menachem, 5751, volume 1, page 315. Bentching under the age of eight—how does that work? What do we say there? What don’t children say? So, anyone who changes the formula the Sages established for Bentching has not fulfilled his obligation and must repeat it. But in the first blessing, even if he said, “Blessed is the Merciful One, the King, Master of this bread; blessed is the Merciful One, Who feeds all,” he has fulfilled his obligation. Since he began and ended with “Blessed”—“Blessed is the Merciful One” and “Blessed is the Merciful One”—that is so even though he skipped everything else. This is not considered a change to the formula the Sages established, apart from particular words the Sages specified as essential, such as those explained there. Nevertheless, ideally one must say all of Bentching properly, except for children under eight, whom we teach Bentching gradually, a little of each blessing, until they know how to say every blessing properly. That’s what the Alter Rebbe says in his Shulchan Aruch, section 187, paragraph 4. What is he saying? From age eight, they should say the whole thing. Up to age eight, they learn it in stages, as much as they can. And before

03:23 Speaker 2 that, as we’ll see in a moment, they already begin with Brich Rachmana, which is printed in the siddurim. In other words, with a very young child—and we’ll get to the ages in a moment—we begin with Brich Rachmana, and only afterward move on to Bentching itself. So in practice, from age three, and even before age three, we say with them the Brich Rachmana text printed in the siddurim. When it is appropriate for their age, we can move from Brich Rachmana to the first blessing, “Who feeds the world,” adding a little at a time: a few more words, a few more sentences, another blessing. From age six onward, even if a child still does not say all of Bentching, he should say a little of each blessing. Age six and up. But at age eight, we already teach children to say all of Bentching. Roughly speaking, six is first-grade age, seven is second-grade age, and eight is third-grade age. Certainly, children in third grade can say all of Bentching. We teach children to say, among the Harachaman prayers, “May the Merciful One bless our master, teacher and Rebbe, King Moshiach, forever and ever.” It is known that the Rebbe once said about a certain chossid that this chossid’s saying “May the Merciful One bless our master, teacher and Rebbe” actually brought him health. We too can say today, “May the Merciful One bless our master, teacher and Rebbe, King Moshiach, forever and ever.” So when this blessing is said from the heart, and said together by all the children, the whole class, and so on, it certainly adds to the Rebbe’s strength and special vitality to come and redeem us immediately, right now. What do we do with children who have reached the age of education but don’t know how to bentch? What do we do with them? Aren’t there children like that?

06:12 Speaker 2 There are children like that. A head of household eats with his young children who have reached the age at which they must be taught Bentching. Yes, they’ve reached the age when we need to teach them, so that they say Bentching. What do we do? They’re not getting it; they’re still at “Blessed is the Merciful One, Master of this bread,” and that’s it. What do we do? He needs to bentch aloud so they can hear and fulfill their obligation, even though they are not included in a zimun. We need to bentch and tell them, “Listen, and you’ll fulfill your obligation.” And it is good for them to say it with him word for word when they can’t concentrate and listen. Yes—and Kiddush and Havdalah. One of my friends in the yeshiva in Kfar Chabad was a shliach, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Wisinski[?], who is in the United States today. I remember that once a new immigrant from Russia arrived. He very much wanted to daven, but he didn’t know how to daven in Hebrew. Maybe if he’d had—maybe if he’d had a siddur translated into Russian then, things would have been different, but there wasn’t one. We’re talking about the old days, around 5739, something like that. And my righteous friend sat beside him the whole Shabbos. And all Shabbos—guys, that’s a lot—he davened with him word for word. My friend would say it, and the other man would repeat it. I didn’t know whose kabbolas ol impressed me more: the new immigrant’s or my friend the tamim’s. Every prayer. He was completely exhausted by the end of that Shabbos. Sitting beside him, word for word, through all the prayers and all the blessings. That’s really the best way. How many people can do that themselves, or with their children? I don’t know. Some can, some can’t. In any case, we’re told: tell the child, “Listen, and you’ll fulfill your obligation.” And if that isn’t possible, say it with him word for word. Washing hands before the meal: We teach young children to wash their hands before the meal. We don’t let them skip it. They’re little, fine, but come on, wash your hands. And we should make sure they eat at least a kezayis of bread. So

09:06 Speaker 2 here too, from what age? I would say from age three, yes. Without any doubt, the child should wash his hands before the meal, and it can be done even before age three. As long as the child does it happily and it doesn’t turn into an all-out battle, let him do it, and let him eat at least a kezayis of bread so that he is obligated to bentch. Mayim acharonim: Some teach their children to wash mayim acharonim, but in most places people aren’t particular about mayim acharonim until bar mitzvah. Fine, that’s what it says here. But what do people actually do, guys? Usually it’s like, bar mitzvah—now things get serious, tefillin and all that, so, okay, mayim acharonim too. But that’s not it. In Rabbi Chadakov’s Hachinuch VeHamechanech, as far as I remember, he points to fifth grade as the time to start telling children: “Wash mayim acharonim. Get used to mayim acharonim. Go wash mayim acharonim. Mayim acharonim.” They should already be washing mayim acharonim. So according to Rabbi Chadakov in Hachinuch VeHamechanech, don’t wait until age thirteen; two or three years earlier, make sure they wash mayim acharonim. And really, anything you establish with a child while he is still young will stay with him; it becomes part of him. Zimun: Young children do not count toward a zimun, and they do not make a zimun among themselves. You might think that, for educational purposes, young children should make a zimun on their own. No—zimun begins at bar mitzvah. When he reaches bar mitzvah, we count him toward a zimun, and three who eat together and are all bar mitzvah age make a zimun. Saying a blessing one is not obligated to say in order to teach a young child. The halacha: It is permitted. That’s what the Alter Rebbe says in the Shulchan Aruch. The Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch says: “It is permitted to teach a child the blessings in their proper form, even when it is not the time to say them.” Right now he is teaching the child what the blessing is, so he says it with him. And even though they are blessings said in vain during the lesson—he isn’t eating now, he isn’t performing the mitzvah now—and even

11:45 Speaker 2 Even though this is forbidden when teaching an adult, it is permitted with a child. We say the blessing with him and teach him to say it. That is teaching, and it applies at any time. Saying a blessing one is not obligated to say for the sake of educating a child. Again, this is a halachah from the Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch: Someone who is not eating cannot say Hamotzi to fulfill the obligation of those who are eating, even if they do not know how to say the blessing themselves. Why can’t he say it for them? Because he is not obligated in this blessing, and someone who is not obligated in something cannot fulfill the obligation of others. He has to be obligated not just in general, in the sense that he too is subject to this blessing, but obligated in it right now. If he is obligated in the blessing right now, he can say it and fulfill both his own obligation and everyone else’s. But if he is not eating now, he is not obligated in the blessing and does not say it, so he cannot fulfill anyone else’s obligation with it. All this applies to an adult who does not know how to say the blessing: no one can fulfill his obligation in this way unless the person saying Hamotzi is himself obligated to say it. But for children, one may say any of the blessings over food in order to educate them in mitzvos, even if their education is not his responsibility—for example, if they are not members of his household. They are children, and so he... he says the blessing to teach them. Yes. So, in short, may you say a blessing you are not obligated to say in order to teach a child who does not yet know it? The answer is yes. You do this even if they are not your own students. If you are the responsible adult there, you can do it. Answering amen after a child’s blessing: We do not answer amen after a young child practicing blessings before his teacher. But when children are not saying blessings in vain, we do answer amen after them—for example, when they say the blessings at the proper times to fulfill the obligation placed on them as part of their education in mitzvos. Likewise, when a boy before bar mitzvah reads the haftarah

14:23 Speaker 2 for the congregation, and the child says the blessings before and after it in places where that is the practice, then we do answer amen. Let me explain. If you are still teaching a child to say the blessing and he does not know how to say it at all, you do not say amen to the blessing you managed to get him to say. But I’ll give you an example of how it is done in cheders. They begin the morning blessings: “Baruch Atah Hashem Elokeinu Melech haolam,” da da da, amen, da da da, and so on. The teachers try to finish just a little earlier if they are saying the words along with the children to teach them the tune and the correct pronunciation, and then say amen, and so on. Answer amen, because he needs to say amen too. That itself is part of his education: someone who hears a blessing must answer amen. One hundred blessings every day. Well, this is something the Rebbe devoted an entire sicha to: we educate children too to say one hundred blessings every day, even before bar mitzvah. It brings light into the world. I have that sicha here, as quoted in Shaarei Chinuch, page 147, and the Rebbe spoke about it in Toras Menachem, 5751, volume 1, page 315. I’ll read the relevant passage about one hundred blessings every day. The Rebbe, Melech HaMoshiach, who lives and endures, and whose words live and endure, says this: The practice of saying one hundred blessings every day is relevant to, and easy for, every Jew—men, women, and children. For even before bar mitzvah and bas mitzvah, children are educated to say one hundred blessings every day. What is needed is to pay attention and teach our children to count, to have them count their hundred blessings each day. And even younger children who have not yet reached the age of education, down to toddlers who are beginning to speak, are taught to say blessings. It is not only that we are careful with them and warn them not to

16:56 Speaker 2 eat without a blessing, G-d forbid, says the Rebbe. We also give them treats to accustom them to saying many blessings and answering amen, until saying blessings becomes natural and automatic for them, like the expression, “He bows at Modim of his own accord.” And it is not just saying the blessings aloud, but also, and primarily, in a way that permeates their entire being. Look, look, look at the words the Rebbe uses: it permeates the child’s entire being—his desires and will, his intellect and emotions. The child. The child. Through educating him with the blessings to fear Hashem and love Him, and always to remember Him through the blessings he constantly says. Constantly. This brings an abundance of blessing, success, and deliverance into the world. One hundred blessings every day, for children too. Birchas Hagomel—an interesting halachah. A child does not say Birchas Hagomel. Yes, a child does not say Birchas Hagomel. So, for example, children come in great numbers to the special programs held during Tishrei by the Rebbe, and the like, and then they return from Tishrei in great numbers, each one going his own way. I have seen some people think the children should say Hagomel, but they do not say Hagomel. Children do not say Hagomel. Now I’ll also read you the reason they do not say Hagomel. In Toras Menachem, volume 31, page 109, the Rebbe says: This is also one of the reasons that a child does not say Birchas Hagomel according to most halachic authorities. Since he is not obligated in mitzvos, the opposite concept of being “liable” does not apply to him. The blessing says, “Who bestows good upon the liable,” and he does not fall into the category of “the liable.” Since he cannot say the wording of the blessing, “Who bestows good upon the liable,” he is entirely exempt from Birchas Hagomel. He does not need to say Birchas Hagomel. So a child does not say Birchas Hagomel. Birchas Hachamah, once every twenty-five years: It is proper and very good to educate young boys and girls to come for Birchas Hachamah, even though it is early in the morning, and for the girls to say Birchas

19:33 Speaker 2 Hachamah too. It happens only once while they are young; the next time, they will already be adults. Another twenty-five years will have passed. Birchas Halevanah: We educate children to say Kiddush Levanah at its proper time. That is written in the Mishnah Berurah. The Mishnah Berurah says to educate children too to say Kiddush Levanah at its proper time. This is important, because the Rebbe’s entire sicha, spoken specifically on Shabbos Parshas Noach, says we need to increase our efforts to encourage Kiddush Levanah. That applies to children too: they should come and say Birchas Halevanah with deep concentration and a heartfelt request—the request for the Geulah in Kiddush Levanah. As it says at the very end of Kiddush Levanah: “And they will seek Hashem their G-d and David their king. Amen.” Amen means affirming the promise: I believe in it, and I ask Hakadosh Boruch Hu to make it happen immediately, right now. So we need to explain the meaning of Kiddush Levanah to children, so that for them too it comes from the heart, from the soul. The main thing is that they actually do it, with singing and dancing and reciting the verses. Moshiach is likened to the moon, and they are destined to be renewed like it. The entire Jewish people are destined to be renewed like the moon. Birchas Ha’ilanos: It is not only for those of bar or bas mitzvah age and older. We educate children to say Birchas Ha’ilanos. In the days of Nissan, at the beginning of Nissan—yes, the beginning of Nissan—the trees begin to blossom. We guide the children to come and say Birchas Ha’ilanos and thank Hashem for the good He does for us.