The Ten Days of Repentance and Yom Kippur for Women - Rabbi Menachem Mendel Harel shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You are listening to “Lemaan Yishme’u,” a podcast from Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 Shalom u’vracha. In this class, with Hashem’s help, we’ll discuss halachic matters concerning the holidays and festivals that have particular significance for the conduct of women and girls. As is well known, generally speaking, men are obligated in time-bound positive mitzvos, while women are not. That is why the halachic authorities differ regarding certain mitzvos of the holidays: Are women required to perform them? May they perform them? And if they do want to perform them, may they recite a blessing over them? Of course, women are just as obligated as men to observe the holidays themselves and keep them properly; there is no difference. The differences of opinion concern particular mitzvos within the holidays—whether women may perform them with a blessing, or whether it is customary for women to perform one mitzvah or another associated with each holiday. So, with Hashem’s help, this class will place special emphasis on the customs and mitzvos that are particularly relevant to women. We won’t cover all the mitzvos and laws of each holiday here, because those are addressed in separate classes. It is therefore important, alongside what we learn in this class, to listen to and study the laws of the holidays themselves, which apply to women as well as men. The day after Rosh Hashanah, 3 Tishrei, is the Fast of Gedaliah. If Rosh Hashanah falls on Thursday and Friday, so that 3 Tishrei falls on Shabbos, the Fast of Gedaliah is observed on Sunday, 4 Tishrei. It is one of the four fasts: 10 Teves, 17 Tammuz, Tisha B’Av, and the Fast of Gedaliah. On that day, after Gedaliah ben Achikam was killed, the remnant of the Jewish people who had stayed after the destruction went into exile, and the people were scattered. Fasting on this day is obligatory for both men and women. However, because it is one of the four fasts, it is customary

03:29 Speaker 2 to be lenient on the Fast of Gedaliah in a number of respects for women who are pregnant, nursing, or, G-d forbid, ill or suffering from various pains or severe discomfort. Therefore, a healthy woman should make arrangements in advance to fast. If, for any reason, she falls into one of the groups we mentioned, she should consult a rabbi about whether she needs to fast. If she has any health issue, she or her husband should tell the rabbi about it so that he can instruct them how to proceed. Does she need to fast? According to our custom, the Fast of Gedaliah is the only day on which we say Selichos during the Ten Days of Teshuvah. Unlike the Selichos before Rosh Hashanah, on the Fast of Gedaliah we say Selichos during the davening. Of the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, our Sages said, “Seek Hashem when He is to be found.” These are the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. The Rebbe cites the words of the Arizal that on each day of this week, we make amends for an entire set of days in the past year: on Sunday, for all the Sundays; on Monday, for all the Mondays; and on Shabbos—which is both Shabbos Shuvah and Shabbos Teshuvah, bringing together both ideas—we elevate all the Shabbosos and, through them, the entire past year. And not just teshuvah, but a higher level of teshuvah, teshuvah in a Shabbos-like manner. Therefore, the custom for this Shabbos is to light what is called a “candle of teshuvah” in every home. The father lights it on behalf of everyone in the household. Usually, people light what today is called a yahrzeit candle—that is, a large candle. During the Ten Days of Teshuvah, a person should examine their conduct in preparation for Yom Kippur. If someone has been hurt by them, or if they are not at peace with someone, they should ask forgiveness and make peace with one another. During the Ten Days of Teshuvah, we must pay attention to the wording of the davening: instead of “HaKel HaKadosh,” we say “HaMelech HaKadosh,”

06:16 Speaker 2 and instead of “Melech Ohev Tzedakah U’Mishpat,” we say “HaMelech HaMishpat.” If someone mistakenly said “HaKel HaKadosh” instead of “HaMelech HaKadosh,” began the following blessing, and did not remember within the brief interval allowed for an immediate correction, they return to the beginning of the Amidah. If she mistakenly said “Melech Ohev Tzedakah U’Mishpat” instead of “HaMelech HaMishpat,” she finishes her davening and then repeats the Amidah as a voluntary prayer, taking care this time to say “HaMelech HaMishpat.” These are the main changes for which, as we said, one must repeat the davening. But there are also additions within the davening, such as “Remember us for life,” “Who is like You, merciful Father,” “Inscribe us for a good life,” and “In the Book of Life,” as well as saying “Oseh HaShalom.” We must remember to add these, but we do not repeat the davening if we omit them. In Birchas Hamazon, we say “Oseh Shalom” as usual, not “Oseh HaShalom.” During the Ten Days of Teshuvah, unlike the rest of the year, one may say Tehillim at night. The general custom throughout the year is not to say Tehillim between nightfall and midnight, but during the Ten Days of Teshuvah, one may say Tehillim at night as well. A woman who did not manage to say Tashlich on Rosh Hashanah may make it up on one of the Ten Days of Teshuvah. Some have the custom to do so on 8 Tishrei. The custom of kapparos is primarily associated with Erev Yom Kippur. If a woman cannot wait until Erev Yom Kippur because of how busy that day is, she may do it earlier, on one of the Ten Days of Teshuvah. As for dipping the slice of bread used for Hamotzi in honey during the Ten Days of Teshuvah, through Hoshana Rabbah: on weekdays, we dip it in salt. On Shabbos and Yom Tov, we dip it in honey. That is, on Shabbos Shuvah, Erev Yom Kippur, and Yom Tov of Sukkos through Hoshana Rabbah, we dip it in honey. But on ordinary weekdays, the custom is to dip it in salt. Yom Kippur begins with Erev Yom Kippur. The Torah

09:08 Speaker 2 the holy Torah says, “On the ninth of the month, in the evening, from evening to evening, you shall observe your day of rest.” From this our Sages of blessed memory taught: “Whoever eats and drinks on the ninth, Scripture considers it as though they had fasted on both the ninth and the tenth.” In other words, eating and drinking on Erev Yom Kippur, the ninth of the month, is part of the observance of the Yom Kippur fast. When a person eats and drinks properly on Erev Yom Kippur, as the Torah commanded, it is considered as though they fasted for two days. But before we turn to the laws of eating and drinking on Erev Yom Kippur, let’s discuss the spiritual and emotional preparations, from the standpoint of halacha and custom, for the great and holy day of the Yom Kippur fast. Yom Kippur is a day of pardon and forgiveness for the sins of all the Jewish people. At the same time, our Sages of blessed memory said: “For sins between a person and Hashem, Yom Kippur atones; for sins between one person and another, Yom Kippur does not atone until that person has appeased the other.” In other words, preparation for Yom Kippur takes place on two levels. One is personal teshuvah for matters and sins between a person and Hashem. The other concerns matters between one person and another. That includes everything involving a person’s relationship with others: between one person and another in the literal sense, between husband and wife, between parents and children, between children and their parents, and so on. It is not enough to say that Yom Kippur will come and atone for the ways a person has hurt someone else. A person must ask the other’s forgiveness. That is, when someone knows they have hurt another person in one way or another, they must approach that person and ask for forgiveness. This is the first step toward gaining atonement on Yom Kippur for matters between one person and another as well. Our Sages of blessed memory said that a person who is asked for forgiveness should forgive, since they themselves are going to ask Hashem for forgiveness. Just as they want Hashem to forgive them for everything, so too they must forgive the other person with exactly that same heart

12:16 Speaker 2 Wholeheartedly, wanting the wrong things he did to be forgiven. When a person comes to ask a friend for forgiveness, there are two ways to do it. One is to come personally and ask his friend for forgiveness. The other is to send a messenger to ask on his behalf. But sometimes, whether he sends a messenger or comes himself, mentioning the matter in which he hurt the other person could itself cause that person discomfort. In such a case, he must ask for forgiveness in a way that does not hurt the person he is asking. In other words, even the manner of asking for forgiveness requires thought, so that it is done properly. When a person finally approaches his friend to ask for forgiveness in one of these ways, the person being asked should forgive him. If his friend does not forgive him, he should ask up to three times. Beyond that, there is no need to ask again. However, if the person who was hurt is concerned that forgiving the offender might make it easier for him to continue causing harm, he is not obligated to forgive him and need not do so. That is, if the injured person suspects that the request for forgiveness is not only not heartfelt or sincere, but is intended to pave the way for further harm of some kind, he need not forgive the other person. Of course, this requires a person to think it through and weigh the matter fairly for himself, to understand where things stand. But as a general rule, a person who is asked for forgiveness should forgive, and not, G-d forbid, hold on to his anger forever. That is regarding matters between one person and another. Of course, this applies between one woman and another as well. There is no difference here between men and women. Asking for forgiveness concerns everyone. One of the customs that expresses this work of preparation is the custom called

15:23 Speaker 2 kapparos. Kapparos is an ancient custom in which one takes a rooster or a hen—a rooster for a man and a hen for a woman. The halachah deliberately calls for an animal that is not fit to be offered on the altar. As an aside, this dispels the mistaken notion, which has somehow taken hold, that one can perform kapparos by slaughtering a calf or a lamb. One cannot and may not use those animals for kapparos, because they are fit to be offered on the altar, and a person might mistakenly think this involves offering consecrated animals outside the Beis Hamikdash. That is why kapparos was instituted specifically with a rooster: a rooster is not offered on the altar. When one takes the animal, the rooster, and circles it around one’s head, as we will soon discuss in detail, one should picture that, G-d forbid, everything done to the rooster should really have happened to oneself, because one has rebelled and sinned against the King of kings, Hakadosh Boruch Hu. But in His abundant mercy, Hashem has compassion on us and has given us the opportunity to atone and come before Him clean, by preparing our hearts while performing this custom of kapparos—or, more broadly, while cleansing our hearts in matters between ourselves and Hashem. Through this, Hakadosh Boruch Hu sees the clean heart and grants a person atonement. So the custom of kapparos is not merely a custom, and it should not be performed by rote. We must approach it seriously, with thought and an understanding of what we are doing. Then our hearts will be properly prepared for Yom Kippur, when Hakadosh Boruch Hu forgives all of Israel for their sins. The general custom is to perform kapparos during the morning watch, at the start of the last third of the night. With the Rebbe—one sees that the Rebbe would perform kapparos at around seven in the morning. As mentioned, one takes a rooster for a male and a hen for a female, and for a woman

18:21 Speaker 2 who is pregnant, one takes two hens and one rooster. One recites the text printed in the siddur, “People who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death,” special verses that speak about teshuvah. Then, as written in the siddur—and as we have mentioned in previous classes, especially with customs that are not part of a fixed routine, one should look in the siddur to see how to do them properly—one circles the rooster or hen around one’s head and says: “This is my exchange, this is my substitute, this is my atonement. This rooster shall go to its death, and I shall go to a good, long life and peace.” One circles the rooster around the head three times. “Chalifasi, temurasi, kaparasi” forms the initials of the word “chatach.” Hakadosh Boruch Hu, who apportions life to every living being, should apportion and inscribe for us a good and happy life. And this is done three times. Afterward, one takes the rooster to a shochet for slaughter. As an aside, it is worth mentioning that some have a custom to do several things with the rooster. But because this can sometimes involve considerable distress to the animal, someone who does not know how to do these things and might end up needlessly harming or distressing the rooster has no need to do them. He should simply take the rooster straight to the shochet. The shochet slaughters the rooster and pours its blood onto the earth. The custom is then to ask the shochet to check that the knife is kosher according to halachah. Once he has checked the knife, one asks his permission to cover the blood with earth. One recites the blessing, “Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us to cover the blood with earth,” and covers it with a little sand or sawdust available at the shochet’s. One pays the shochet for the mitzvah—a few shekels, or whatever amount is customary locally—because he has given us the opportunity to perform the mitzvah of covering the blood with earth, which belongs to him. It is important to mention the great seriousness with which the Rebbe can be seen performing the entire custom of kapparos,

20:58 Speaker 2 particularly during the slaughter. As mentioned, that is the approach we, too, should bring to this special custom, as preparation for atonement and for preparing a clean, pure heart for Yom Kippur. Anyone who cannot perform kapparos with a rooster or hen can perform the custom with money. One takes a certain sum of money, preferably enough to pay for a meal. Usually it is placed in an envelope, and one recites the same text printed in the order of kapparos or in the machzorim: “People who dwell...” and so on. One circles—the envelope is circled around the head three times; one circles the money around the head three times and says: “This is my exchange, this is my substitute, this is my atonement. This money shall go to charity, and I shall go to a good, long life and peace.” This is done three times, as printed in the machzor. It is best to pass the money on to poor people already on Erev Yom Kippur, so they can buy what they need for the Erev Yom Kippur meal. If there are no poor people locally, today it is very easy to send the money by credit card or bank transfer to organizations that distribute it to the poor that same day, so they can rejoice on Erev Yom Kippur and have a generous meal. Even someone who performs kapparos with a rooster, with a living animal, must give the monetary value of the kapparos to the poor. If the rooster itself goes to the poor, all the better. But if it is not clear that the rooster will reach the poor—sometimes, because time is short, it is not possible to prepare all the kapparos chickens on Erev Yom Kippur, and some do not reach the tables of the poor—then it is advisable for everyone to give the monetary value of their kapparos to the poor. Someone who gives that money after performing kapparos does not need to circle the money around the head again, since the custom of kapparos itself has already been fulfilled, as we discussed earlier regarding

23:27 Speaker 2 Animals, on an animal. The custom on Erev Yom Kippur is to eat two meals, one before midday and the second after midday. At the first meal, the custom is to eat fish, and at the second, meat. Chicken is generally preferable because it is easier to digest. Since there is a mitzvah to eat and drink on Erev Yom Kippur, the halachic authorities write in the Shulchan Aruch that Erev Yom Kippur is itself a Yom Tov. So the custom is also to dip the slice of bread over which one says Hamotzi in honey at the Erev Yom Kippur meals. As we discussed, throughout the month of Tishrei, from Rosh Hashanah through Hoshana Rabbah, including Hoshana Rabbah, Shabbos and Yom Tov, we dip the Hamotzi bread in honey. So on Erev Yom Kippur, too, we dip it in honey. The custom is not to eat garlic or eggs at the Erev Yom Kippur meals. Dairy foods may be eaten at the morning meal, but not at the afternoon meal. In practice, we would not eat dairy at the afternoon meal anyway, because that is when we eat meat. But even if someone wants to eat dairy in the afternoon, we do not eat dairy foods on Erev Yom Kippur afternoon. As for cooking on Erev Yom Kippur, the custom is not to put spices that heat the body into the dishes, such as hot peppers or turmeric. The custom is to prepare a meal just like a Shabbos meal, with plenty of foods and cooked dishes, but to divide the meal in two. At the morning meal, held before midday, we eat the fish with the other salads and dishes. At the seudah hamafsekes, the final meal, after Mincha, we eat the meat with the other dishes. The custom is to make a food called kreplach for the seudah hamafsekes. It is dough filled with meat. Some make a point of using beef. It is important to mention that although we said earlier that we eat chicken because it is easier to digest,

26:19 Speaker 2 there is no problem with the small amount of beef put inside the kreplach. Someone who does not have beef can use chicken instead. The main point is that the meat is covered by dough. It is told that once, on Erev Yom Kippur, the Rebbetzin had not had time to prepare kreplach for some reason. So the Rebbe took a piece of bread, put meat inside it, covered the meat, and said that it was kreplach. The main point is to eat the meat covered by dough. There is also a custom to eat soup on Erev Yom Kippur. It is related that our Rebbeim would eat three spoonfuls of soup. Presumably, this means three ladles put into the bowl, but the quantity does not matter. The point is that there is a custom to eat soup on Erev Yom Kippur. At Mincha on Erev Yom Kippur, the custom is to say Al Cheit. This is called the long confession, the full Yom Kippur confession. We daven Mincha before the seudah hamafsekes, and at the end of Shemoneh Esrei, after the first Yihyu Leratzon, as printed in the machzor, we say the long confession. Before Mincha, the custom is to give plenty of tzedakah, specifically in coins. It is quoted in the name of the Baal Shem Tov that coins shatter the kelipos, so there is a particular reason to give coins, which make a noise and jingle. By Mincha, we are already wearing Yom Tov clothes. We do not yet wear Yom Kippur shoes, but we wear festive clothes. We do not wear the kittel for Mincha either, only Shabbos clothes. After Mincha, we go home and eat the seudah hamafsekes. It should be held early enough to eat calmly and begin Yom Kippur on time, without unnecessary pressure. As mentioned, we wash our hands for the meal and dip the Hamotzi bread in honey. At the end of the meal, before bentching, a person needs to state aloud

28:40 Speaker 2 that as long as he has not actually accepted Yom Kippur, he may continue to eat and drink. It is not enough to make this stipulation in thought; it must be spoken. There is a custom for women to immerse on Erev Yom Kippur. This custom was practiced in many Jewish communities: women would immerse as preparation for Yom Kippur, an immersion of teshuvah. As the Shulchan Aruch says, one immerses three times. If this is easy and practical, it is good for every woman to do so. If it is not practical, the first thing to know is that this does not mean neglecting a halachic obligation. It can be replaced, as the halachic authorities write even regarding men, by showering for about two minutes under nine kavim of water. That is approximately twelve liters passing over a person in the shower in two minutes, and there is no problem with that. There are, however, restrictions even on this immersion. For example, some halachic authorities have written that a woman who is in her days of tumah or her days of counting clean days should not immerse for this purpose, lest the immersion, G-d forbid, lead to a misunderstanding. So, as mentioned, if a woman is in a situation where she can observe this custom properly, that is wonderful. If not, showering is an alternative, and that is perfectly fine. As mentioned, the main point is to prepare the heart. We set the table neatly and cleanly as though for a Shabbos meal. Although we do not eat or drink on Yom Kippur, the table should have a white tablecloth and candles, just like on Shabbos. Before going to shul, the custom is for the father to bless his children, sons and daughters, with the special blessing of Birchas Kohanim. He then adds the verses, “May G-d make you like Ephraim and Menashe,” and for daughters, “like Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel and Leah,” and blesses them wholeheartedly with every blessing for a good sealing and final sealing, for a good and sweet year. Of course, the husband also blesses

31:16 Speaker 2 his wife. It is not written that he should say Birchas Kohanim; the point is to bless her. And of course, the wife blesses her husband. Again, I must emphasize that it is not written that a husband blesses his wife, or a wife her husband, with Birchas Kohanim as one does for sons and daughters. But a heartfelt blessing for a good sealing and final sealing, for a good and sweet year, should certainly be shared between husband and wife. The woman lights candles before Yom Kippur begins. That is, eighteen minutes before sunset, in accordance with our custom, the Yom Kippur candles must be lit. There are two blessings over the candle lighting. The first is “to kindle the Yom Kippur light.” The second is Shehecheyanu. The moment the woman lights the candles, she accepts Yom Kippur, and all the laws of Yom Kippur apply to her. So it is important to pay attention to this. If she wants to drink, she must do so before lighting the candles. And as mentioned, candle lighting must take place on time. Regarding Yom Kippur, the Torah states clearly, and this is the halachic ruling, that adding time from the weekday to the holy day is a Torah obligation. We must therefore make sure to begin Yom Kippur early enough that some weekday time becomes part of Yom Kippur. We do not wait until sunset itself; the added time must be noticeable. We mentioned earlier that the woman lights candles eighteen minutes before sunset, so there is certainly time added from the weekday to the holy day. I want to explain something here that the Rebbe writes in Hayom Yom, about which there is a common misconception we need to be aware of. The Rebbe writes in Hayom Yom that on Yom Kippur we end up fasting for 26 hours: the 24 hours of Yom Kippur itself, plus the little time added before it and the little time added afterward. And some mistakenly think

33:42 Speaker 2 That it has to be twenty-six full hours. That is not correct. Rather, part of an hour counts as a whole hour. The little time we add before Yom Kippur and the little time we add after Yom Kippur together make twenty-six hours. But there is no need for twenty-six hours of sixty minutes each on the clock. That is not what is meant. The point is that, counting the part of an hour added before and the part of an hour added afterward, it comes to twenty-six hours. Twenty-six is the numerical value of the Name Havayah. But there is no need to extend the fast for another hour after Yom Kippur to make it exactly twenty-six hours, especially since for some people that could harm their health. So this needs attention: once Yom Kippur ends according to halachah, you have fulfilled Hashem’s will: “You shall afflict yourselves; from evening to evening you shall observe your Shabbos.” Then the prophet said, “Go, eat your bread with joy, for G-d has accepted your deeds.” Hakadosh Boruch Hu wants people to go eat, drink, and rejoice, knowing that He has forgiven the sins of the Jewish people. And we see the great joy the Rebbe showed after Yom Kippur, with the declaration of “Gut Yom Tov,” that wish for a joyous holiday. This is an important point to know and not get wrong. The custom is that, in honor of Yom Kippur, every married man lights a candle for his household called a ner chayim, a candle of life. The custom is to light the ner chayim in shul together with the candles of all the other worshippers. Someone whose father or mother has passed away, G-d forbid, should light a memorial candle for them. In many places, the custom is to light the memorial candle for one’s parents at home and the ner chayim in shul. As for wearing white clothing on Yom Kippur, our custom is that only men wear a kittel, the white garment intended to remind a person of

36:01 Speaker 2 the day of death, so that his heart will tremble and be afraid and he will return in complete teshuvah. Also, in white clothing we resemble angels. Our custom is that women do not wear white clothing on Yom Kippur, so there is no need for them to look for white clothes or to wear them if they have them, since this practice was said specifically about men, not women. Likewise, the custom is that women do not adorn themselves for Yom Kippur, and some have written that they should not wear gold jewelry either. Since gold recalls the sins of the Jewish people, even if a woman wears some jewelry, it should not be gold jewelry. More generally, regarding the Yom Kippur prayers, it is important to mention that, on the one hand, prayer is very important. But on the other hand, if a woman is weak for any reason—whether she is naturally weak, has recently given birth, or, G-d forbid, is ill—it is better for her to stay in bed and rest at home throughout Yom Kippur than to go to shul to pray, which could weaken her and then raise a question about her ability to fast. For the essential obligation of Yom Kippur is “You shall afflict yourselves”—the Yom Kippur fast. So in this matter, fasting takes precedence over going to shul. It is also important to note, if we did not mention it earlier, that one may and should take things that strengthen the body before Yom Kippur, so that one arrives at Yom Kippur physically healthy and able to fast properly. In other words, one may take Kal Tzom or various other foods and drinks believed to help strengthen the body. Some women have problems with blood pressure, low iron, or other forms of weakness. They absolutely must begin strengthening the body in the ways it needs several days before Yom Kippur, so that it will be strong and healthy enough for the affliction of Yom Kippur, using natural things that help. Whether

38:39 Speaker 2 it is natural pomegranate juice, almond butter called shkediya, grapes, or any fruits, vegetables, and vitamins that strengthen the body, it is certainly worthwhile to take them so the body will be strong. At the same time, if someone is ill, G-d forbid, they must consult a doctor. Of course, they should explain to the doctor that this concerns Yom Kippur and ask about their ability to fast through it. If the doctor says there may, G-d forbid, be danger, one should not rely on the doctor’s opinion alone. After hearing what the doctor has to say, one should contact a rabbi who knows halachah and understands medical matters concerning human life, tell the rabbi what the doctor advised, and receive guidance on how to conduct oneself on Yom Kippur. The prohibition against eating on Yom Kippur is from the Torah and, G-d forbid, involves the penalty of kareis. That is one side. But on the other side, that same holy Torah says of the mitzvos, “A person shall do them and live by them”—not die by them. Therefore, saving a life, even where there is doubt whether a life is at risk, overrides the entire Torah. If a person is in a condition where their body needs drink or food to survive, they must know that just as the Torah commands them to fast on Yom Kippur, the Torah also commands them not to fast when doing so endangers the body. When a possible danger can be assessed in advance, the doctor and the rabbi determine the situation together. Then one receives the proper guidance on how to observe Yom Kippur while also protecting the body. Conversely, if someone is forbidden to fast but fasts anyway, they are endangering a life. Neither obligation can come at the expense of the other, and these matters require special attention. There is a difference between a person whose illness means they must not

41:10 Speaker 2 fast at all and a person who needs only food or only drink. There is a difference if someone needs a certain amount to drink over the course of the day; then it may be possible to drink in measured amounts. It is important to make these things clear, so that we understand that the same holy Torah that commands us to observe Yom Kippur also commands a person to live. This is not left to personal judgment. It requires halachic judgment and professional medical judgment. So when there is illness, a risk of illness, or a concern for life, these matters must be handled properly before Yom Kippur. If, G-d forbid, a woman feels on Yom Kippur that she is about to faint, she may begin drinking in measured amounts. But in this class I am not discussing the laws concerning an ill person on Yom Kippur. I am only mentioning the subject in general; the details of the laws should be learned in a class devoted to that subject. But to return to our point: if a woman knows that her choices are to go to shul for the [unclear] prayer and lose her strength, or to stay home and pray what she can there, the halachah is that she should pray at home and not go to shul. At the same time, this also brings an instruction for men: if a wife is weak and cannot manage on Yom Kippur, her husband must find a way to help her so that she can fast. If that means he needs to be at home for some of the prayers, then, as painful as it is to say and to hear, yes, he must leave shul for part of the prayers and go home so that his wife can fast and get through the fast properly. Now we will discuss a pregnant woman, a nursing mother, a woman who has recently given birth, or, G-d forbid, someone who is ill on Yom Kippur. I will say that I am going to address the general framework, and of course, if this applies

43:37 Speaker 2 In practice, one must consult a doctor and then a rabbi to determine what to do on Yom Kippur. As a matter of basic law, pregnant and nursing women fast throughout Yom Kippur. Since pregnancy and nursing naturally bring greater physical weakness, they should make all the necessary preparations several days before Yom Kippur so they can fast as required. But a pregnant woman for whom fasting poses a risk, or a nursing mother who would have no milk at all for her baby if she fasted, when the baby is exclusively breastfed, should ask her doctor whether she can fast and then turn to a rabbi for guidance on what to do on Yom Kippur. A pregnant woman in particular must be careful not to be stringent with herself, lest that stringency, G-d forbid, lead to a leniency in a matter of life and death, to premature labor, or to something even worse—especially in a high-risk pregnancy. The same applies to anyone who is ill. There is a category of a patient whose life is in danger, and a category of a patient whose life is not in danger. Today, various illnesses are known to be capable of causing irreversible harm, G-d forbid, if the body does not receive what it needs, whether medication, food, or drink. These include heart disease, kidney disease, diabetes, and all sorts of other conditions. A person should not decide this for themselves. A woman should not decide this for herself. On the one hand, Yom Kippur is certainly important, and the Torah commands us to fast. But that same holy Torah, and the same Hakadosh Boruch Hu, commanded that a person observe the mitzvos and “live by them,” not die by them. So there is no contradiction. The same Torah that commands fasting on Yom Kippur commands a person who is ill to eat and drink according to their needs. Preparing properly for this will prevent harm, G-d forbid. On the contrary, when one plans properly,

46:04 Speaker 2 it is possible for the body to receive what it needs under the laws of eating and drinking in measured amounts, while the person also fasts as required. For someone who must eat and drink in measured amounts because of illness or danger, that counts as fasting in accordance with the Torah. The same Torah that commanded one thing commanded the other. A woman who gave birth within the past three days, during the month of Tishrei, is obligated to eat and drink. She may not fast. A woman who gave birth within the past seven days must fast, but if she is ill or so weak that there may be danger, G-d forbid, she should consult a doctor and bring the medical opinion to a rabbi to find out what to do. In general, we know today that a suitable drink—not necessarily water—can often provide a sick person with what they need from both drink and food. So preparing for all the laws that apply to a sick person before Yom Kippur, and consulting a doctor and a rabbi, can enable a person to do both things properly: fast and preserve their health, without coming into danger, G-d forbid. But if a person becomes ill on Yom Kippur itself and feels that if they do not drink or eat, their life is in danger, the wording used by the halachic authorities applies: “The heart knows the bitterness of its soul.” In such a case, even if they did not consult a rabbi beforehand, they may begin eating or drinking in measured amounts. Generally, one starts with drinking: less than the prescribed amount—less than thirty cc and less than twenty-seven grams—every four minutes. If that helps, all the better. If it does not help, and the person sees, or appears to be, in a situation of possible danger to life, they may be given whatever they need to drink and eat until their strength returns. Of course, nowadays, in such a situation one immediately calls Magen David Adom or Hatzalah to provide

48:34 Speaker 2 whatever is needed. But if that is not possible and there is clearly a possible danger to life before our eyes, there is no need to ask questions. For in a case of possible danger to life, the rule is: “One who asks is reprehensible, and one who is asked”—yes—“one who is asked is a shedder of blood.” Anyone who needs to take life-saving medication must take it on Yom Kippur. Most medications today come as hard pills with no taste, so there is not even an issue of tasting them, and they do not have to be taken with water. But if water is necessary to take the medicine, some halachic authorities say to make the water bitter, adding enough extracts to make it unpleasant, and to drink a little of it to swallow the medicine. As we said earlier, anyone with an illness that makes fasting dangerous should not decide the matter for themselves, but should consult a doctor and a rabbi and follow their instructions. In that way, they will fulfill Hashem’s mitzvos on both counts. Five forms of affliction were prescribed for Yom Kippur: the prohibition against eating and drinking, washing, anointing, wearing leather shoes, and marital relations. The prohibition against eating and drinking: all eating and drinking are forbidden. Even a drop of water or a single sesame seed may not be consumed on Yom Kippur. Therefore, one may not rinse one’s mouth on Yom Kippur, whether with mouthwash or, certainly, with toothpaste and water. That is completely forbidden. The prohibition against washing: any washing for pleasure is forbidden on Yom Kippur, so even putting a finger into water is forbidden. We mentioned earlier that in the morning, after washing one’s hands, a little moisture remains on them; one may use that moisture to wipe and clean the eyes, but no more than that. Washing for the sake of a mitzvah, such as washing one’s hands before davening or after using the bathroom, is permitted only up to the knuckles. No further.

50:58 Speaker 2 Washing to remove dirt, however, is different. For example, if a small child has soiled themselves and needs a diaper change, leaving one’s hands dirty, or if someone touched something filthy or prepared food for the children and got their hands dirty, that is not considered washing for pleasure and is permitted. One may wash the soiled area to remove the dirt. A bride within thirty days of her wedding may wash her face so that she will not appear unattractive to her husband. A sick person whose doctor says they need to wash may wash on Yom Kippur for medical reasons, as the doctor instructs. We do not bathe small children on Yom Kippur unless it is to wash off filth. As in the example we gave earlier, if a child has soiled themselves in a way that requires washing, that is permitted. But one should not give a child a bath, even if the child is used to going to sleep early throughout the year and Yom Kippur continues into the night. We do not bathe children on Yom Kippur. The prohibition against anointing: anointing means applying oil or various creams. This is entirely forbidden on Yom Kippur. One may not apply deodorant to prevent odor; that, too, is forbidden on Yom Kippur. It may be applied before Yom Kippur, but not on Yom Kippur itself. Neither deodorant nor perfume nor anything of that kind may be applied. But someone with sores that require certain ointments may apply those ointments, because the prohibition against anointing applies specifically to ordinary anointing; anointing for medical treatment is permitted. So someone with sores or a similar condition who needs to apply ointment may do so. Applying creams and the like for ordinary use, however, is forbidden. The prohibition against wearing leather shoes: one may not wear leather shoes on Yom Kippur, even if the sole is plastic and the upper is leather. Those, too, count as leather shoes that may not be worn on Yom Kippur. Today, thank G-d, there are good shoes made from materials

53:23 Speaker 2 various synthetic materials, and therefore one should buy such shoes before Yom Kippur and wear them. Although halachah mentions certain situations in which leather shoes may be worn, this is subject to a number of conditions. Since today there are plenty of other kinds of shoes, and there is no need for leather shoes, it is preferable from the outset not to get into the question of when and how leather shoes may be worn, but to use only shoes made of synthetic materials. On Yom Kippur, a husband and wife are prohibited from marital relations. It is also ruled in halachah that all the laws of separation between husband and wife apply on Yom Kippur, even when she is ritually pure, both at night and during the day. As we mentioned earlier, the custom is to leave a nightlight on in the room where the husband and wife sleep, to remind them that it is Yom Kippur. Now, with Hashem’s help, we will discuss the Yom Kippur prayers. Five prayers were instituted for Yom Kippur, corresponding to the five levels of the soul: nefesh, ruach, neshamah, chayah, and yechidah. The highest level is the Neilah prayer, when the yechidah of each Jewish soul connects with the One and Only, Hakadosh Boruch Hu. From there, at this special prayer, atonement, forgiveness, and abundant goodness are drawn down for all the Jewish people. But the Yom Kippur prayers begin with the prayer on the eve of Yom Kippur called Kol Nidrei. Ideally, the custom is to recite Kol Nidrei a little before nightfall, but if things run late and it begins afterward, that is not a problem. Kol Nidrei is recited, and the women are present for it too. While the chazzan recites Kol Nidrei, the women also say its text quietly. It is important to emphasize that the annulment of vows in Kol Nidrei concerns future vows—vows we may make from now on. As we discussed before Rosh Hashanah, this stipulation in Kol Nidrei is effective for vows we make, or good practices we take on, without realizing it. But if a person knowingly makes a clear vow, or deliberately adopts a practice intending to keep it, and did not say “bli neder,” a separate annulment of vows is needed for that, as we discussed in the class on annulment of vows.

56:06 Speaker 2 During Kol Nidrei, the Torah scrolls are taken out of the aron kodesh and placed near the chazzan. The custom, if possible, is generally to take out three Torah scrolls. The halachic authorities use the expression “a great mitzvah” for purchasing the honor of carrying the first Torah scroll taken out for Kol Nidrei. Together, the chazzan and the two people standing to his right and left constitute a beis din. With the consent of the beis din, permission is granted for all Jews to pray together, and vows are annulled for the future, as mentioned. It is said that when the Torah scrolls are taken out, we ask the holy Torah to forgive us for the possibility that during the year we did not treat it or its mitzvos with due respect, and that at times, Heaven forbid, a person acted contrary to the Torah’s commands. For this, he asks the holy Torah’s forgiveness. After Kol Nidrei, and after reciting “And all the congregation of the Children of Israel shall be forgiven” and “Hashem said, ‘I have forgiven, as you have spoken,’” the Shehecheyanu blessing is recited. Here it is important to clarify: women already recited Shehecheyanu when lighting candles, so they must not recite it again, as that would be a blessing in vain. The same applies to men who lit candles at home because their wife was not there, or for another reason, and recited Shehecheyanu then. They should not recite it again during the service when the chazzan recites it. Of course, they may answer amen to the blessing, and should do so, but they do not repeat Shehecheyanu itself, since they have already recited it. Let us return to the prayers. We discussed Kol Nidrei; afterward, the Maariv service begins. If Yom Kippur falls on Shabbos, the service begins with Kabbalas Shabbos, as printed in the machzor. The Yom Kippur Amidah is a special prayer, and if one should follow along in the siddur for every prayer, all the more so for the Yom Kippur prayer: one should follow along in the machzor to avoid mistakes and the questions they might raise. At the end of the Amidah, we recite the confession again. After the prayer, Selichos are said. There are special Selichos, with special liturgical poems instituted for Yom Kippur night. Some are recited with the aron kodesh open and some with it closed. Someone at home may recite these poems even though they are not in shul.

58:40 Speaker 2 The main part of the service is the Amidah and the confession, but certainly a woman at home may recite all the passages that do not require a chazzan and a congregation. She should just take care not to recite the Thirteen Attributes of Mercy on her own, but skip them. The Rebbe instituted and renewed the custom of reciting the entire Tehillim after the Yom Kippur night service. It is certainly a good and proper custom for women who can do so to follow as well. With children, that is generally more complicated, but one does not have to finish it all at once; it can be said in parts. In any case, it is important for husbands to remain in shul to recite the entire Tehillim. We mentioned in the class on the month of Elul that, according to the Baal Shem Tov’s instruction, Tehillim is recited beginning on Rosh Chodesh Elul and completed on Yom Kippur: three chapters each day, and on Yom Kippur, nine chapters before Kol Nidrei, nine chapters at the bedtime Shema, nine chapters during Musaf, and nine chapters during Neilah. This completes Tehillim in this special order, as the Baal Shem Tov received it from his teacher and master, Achiyah HaShiloni. So one should pay attention to this, particularly the Tehillim for the bedtime Shema, in order not to forget those chapters. Throughout the Yom Kippur services, a woman

1:01:09 Speaker 2 who prays at home may recite all the Selichos, as we discussed regarding Yom Kippur night. She should omit only the passages that must be recited with a congregation. After the Torah reading at Shacharis on Yom Kippur, the souls of the departed are remembered in what is called Yizkor. Everyone whose father and mother are living leaves the shul. Someone who, Heaven forbid, has lost a father or mother remains in shul. In the first year, they remain in shul but do not yet recite Yizkor; after the first year, they do. The main point of Yizkor is to give tzedakah for the souls of the departed. I want to read what Rabbi Chaim Naeh [unclear] wrote in the Luach Kollel Chabad about Yizkor and pledging tzedakah for them on Yom Kippur. One pledges tzedakah and says “bli neder.” The tzedakah is given to the Kollel Chabad fund, the charity of Rabbi Meir Baal HaNes. It is a threefold mitzvah: tzedakah for the poor, support for Torah study, and settlement of the Land of Israel in holiness. It is also especially effective for elevating souls. The custom is to take a break between Musaf and Minchah. We will discuss this later, but let us mention it now too: children who fast for part of the day on Yom Kippur must be given food. If there was not much opportunity to attend to this during the prayers, then after Musaf one must certainly make sure the children eat and drink as required. Alongside the obligation to train them to fast for a certain number of hours, as we will discuss, there is also a need for them to eat and not fast the entire Yom Kippur. They should eat a proper amount to sustain themselves—not excessively, but they do need to eat. Minchah begins about two hours before sunset. At Minchah, a Torah scroll is taken out. The reading instituted for it is the passage about forbidden relationships, so that a person will take to heart the need to repent for matters connected with these things. For the maftir, at the third aliyah, the maftir reading is

1:03:43 Speaker 2 Yonah: the point of the Maftir Yonah reading is to teach that Hakadosh Boruch Hu accepts those who return to Him, even if a decree has been issued. A person should take this to heart and know that teshuvah turns unfavorable things to good, and Hakadosh Boruch Hu accepts everyone who returns to Him, even if, G-d forbid, they have done very undesirable things. After Minchah, we daven Neilah. Neilah is a very special prayer, as we mentioned earlier: the yechidah of the soul connects with the One and Only of the world, Hakadosh Boruch Hu, and from there the flow of teshuvah and blessing comes to every Jew. So even a woman who needed to stay home during Yom Kippur can generally come to shul for Neilah, when the fast is nearly over, provided that doing so will not jeopardize her ability to complete the fast. We daven this prayer with awe and feeling, with all our heart and mind, to connect with Hakadosh Boruch Hu. As the holy Zohar explains regarding this time, “No person shall be in the Tent of Meeting”—only the Jewish people and Hakadosh Boruch Hu. One should pay attention to the change in Neilah: instead of “inscribe us,” we say “seal us.” Someone who mistakenly said “inscribe” instead of “seal” does not repeat the prayer, but one should take care beforehand to say it correctly. At the end of Neilah, we blow the shofar and accompany the Shechinah by saying “Shema Yisroel,” “Baruch shem,” and “Hashem is G-d.” After Neilah, we say the nine chapters that complete the Book of Tehillim, in accordance with the instruction of the holy Baal Shem Tov that we mentioned earlier, and then we daven Maariv. After Maariv, we wash our hands and rinse our mouths. Let’s now talk about children on Yom Kippur. Since Yom Kippur is a Torah obligation, there is a mitzvah to train young children in its observance. But which young children? Specifically, children

1:06:10 Speaker 2 who are healthy. The Shulchan Aruch specifies from age nine, and even then, training them to fast means only fasting for a number of hours. Fasting the entire Yom Kippur is not appropriate for children. On the contrary, as we said, we must make sure that after they have fasted for those hours, they eat and drink rather than continue fasting for the whole day. A child is trained to fast for a number of hours according to their ability. As we said, this begins, ideally, at age nine, depending on the child’s development and disposition, until they approach the age of mitzvos. At the age of mitzvos, they are certainly obligated by Torah law to fast the entire day. Anyone permitted to eat on Yom Kippur, including children, of course, adds Yaaleh Veyavo in bentching, using the Yom Kippur wording printed in the machzor: “this Yom Kippur,” “this day of forgiveness of sin,” “this holy day of assembly.” If a thirteen-year-old boy is very weak, or a twelve-year-old girl is very weak, and there is a question about whether they can fast the entire Yom Kippur, the parents should consult a rabbi qualified to issue halachic rulings, who will assess how that particular child should observe the fast. Unlike Shabbos, when we put cooked food on a hotplate and turn on a hot-water urn so there will be hot water during Shabbos, on Yom Kippur one may not put food on a hotplate before Yom Kippur or turn on an urn to have hot water or hot food ready after Yom Kippur. But if there is someone who is ill, or young children who need to eat on Yom Kippur, one may leave an urn on or put food on a hotplate for them. Since it was put there permissibly for them, it may, of course, be used after Yom Kippur. Even if someone left it there by mistake because they did not know the custom, it may be used after Yom Kippur. One should just know from the outset not to do

1:08:36 Speaker 2 that. A woman does not need to wait for her husband to come home to make Havdalah; she can make Havdalah herself. For Havdalah, we recite the blessing over a flame that rested—that is, a flame that burned throughout Yom Kippur. We light another candle from it and recite the blessing Borei Me’orei Ha’esh. After Havdalah, we eat and drink. As we discussed earlier, at the Rebbe’s, we see tremendous joy after Yom Kippur. The Rebbe calls out “Gut Yom Tov,” wishing everyone a happy festival. Afterward, we change into leather shoes, and the custom is to recite Kiddush Levanah after Yom Kippur. Generally, regarding Kiddush Levanah, women do not recite it. But if they very much want to participate and say something, they may say only the chapters of Tehillim and the passage from the Gemara, not the blessing of Kiddush Levanah. The custom is to begin working on the sukkah after Yom Kippur, or at least to study the laws of sukkah. The meal after Yom Kippur is a Yom Tov meal, so the custom is to have a joyous meal: wash for bread, serve cooked dishes, eat, drink, and rejoice, knowing that G-d has accepted your deeds, that Hakadosh Boruch Hu has accepted the teshuvah of the Jewish people, and that He has certainly sealed them for a good and sweet year.