"I Have So Much to Fix... How Do You Even Begin?"

00:00 Who doesn’t want to do teshuvah during these days? The days of mercy and forgiveness, the month of Elul. We all want to. The problem is that for most of us, the word “teshuvah” feels heavy—an important word, but a heavy one. How often do we hear Jews say to one another, “Well, we need to do teshuvah,” and let out a sigh? A sigh escapes, rising from the heart. Oy, what will be? It’s Elul; we need to arrive at Rosh Hashanah clean and whole. How exactly do we return in teshuvah? Each and every one of us in our own way, in our own situation. But the teshuvah should be alive, joyful, and full of strength. This is one of the wonderful things the Baal Shem Tov taught us through Chassidus. Over the coming weeks, with Hashem’s help, we’ll have a series of classes explaining teshuvah through the lens of Chassidus, of the Baal Shem Tov’s teachings. Let’s begin with something very interesting that the Frierdiker Rebbe writes in one of his sichos. At the beginning of the Chassidic era, chassidim didn’t yet have a name. The designation “chassidim” came later. There was no “Chassidus,” no “chassidim.” At one point, the Baal Shem Tov said he wanted to call his group—his students, to whom he had passed on his unique path in serving Hashem—the “path of teshuvah.” And he wanted to call the chassidim “baalei teshuvah,” because Chassidus revealed the essence of teshuvah. Chassidus revealed the depth of the work of teshuvah. The Alter Rebbe brought the Baal Shem Tov’s approach into chochmah, binah, and daas. He brought it down and clothed it in words, in the wonderful explanations of the Tanya and his other wonderful works, Likkutei Torah, Torah Or, and his collections of maamarim. So the Alter Rebbe, on several occasions when he discusses teshuvah, especially in maamarim for

02:33 these days of Elul and Tishrei, writes that the concept of teshuvah is “not as people mistakenly think.” In other words, there is a mistaken understanding of teshuvah. The Alter Rebbe says repeatedly: “Not as people mistakenly think.” People are mistaken in how they look at teshuvah, how they understand it, the paths of teshuvah, the way to do teshuvah, and what is essential and what is secondary in teshuvah. And here we have the Alter Rebbe. We’ll start with the Tanya. It has an entire section, Igeres Hateshuvah, devoted to this subject, and then there are many of his maamarim that put teshuvah in order for us and explain, wonderfully and deeply, what teshuvah is in its essence and what its parts and branches are. With Hashem’s help, we’ll try to discuss one particular point about teshuvah each week. Since we mentioned the Alter Rebbe, I also want to tell one of the stories related by the Frierdiker Rebbe, which he heard from his father, the Rebbe Rashab, of blessed memory. He related that the Mitteler Rebbe once had a dream—an interesting dream, though we won’t go into all the details now. In the dream, he saw several tzaddikim walking across a plank laid over a river whose waters were flowing with a very strong current. Some of the tzaddikim swayed as they walked. Then he saw his father, the Alter Rebbe, walking across the plank, and he managed to cross the river from one side to the other steadily and securely, without swaying. He wanted to understand what this meant, and the Alter Rebbe explained the dream to him: it was thanks to teshuvah, thanks to the baalei teshuvah he had inspired. In other words, teshuvah is an absolutely essential, central subject in Chassidus in general, and in Chabad Chassidus in particular. So today, first of all, we’ll look at the first point: the foundation, the essence of teshuvah. We’ll take the Alter Rebbe’s words in the Tanya, in Igeres Hateshuvah, where, midway through

05:00 the first chapter, he sets out in a few short lines, concisely and clearly, the very essence, the inner point of teshuvah. Interestingly, there are several questions about teshuvah in the works of the Rishonim and the halachic authorities. First, the halachic authorities disagree over whether there is a mitzvah to do teshuvah, or whether teshuvah is not itself a mitzvah. There is extensive discussion of this and various approaches already among the Rishonim. We see that some of the great Rishonim did not list teshuvah as a mitzvah. Take the Rambam, for example. When you look at the Rambam’s works of halachah—Sefer Hamitzvos and the Mishneh Torah, also called Yad Hachazakah—where he discusses teshuvah, he doesn’t really write that doing teshuvah is a mitzvah. The Rambam writes that when a Jew does teshuvah, he must confess. In other words, according to the Rambam’s approach, the mitzvah is not teshuvah itself; the mitzvah is confession. The Rambam also cites a verse. The verse he cites concerning teshuvah is in Parshas Naso: “They shall confess their sin.” So according to the Rambam, the primary mitzvah associated with teshuvah is confession. After a person regrets what he has done and wants to return in teshuvah, there is a mitzvah as part of that teshuvah: the Torah commands him to confess, to say, “I have sinned,” and to ask forgiveness. The Rambam explains in his work what the wording of that confession is. Very interesting. Other Rishonim, though, disagree with the Rambam. There is extensive discussion of this. They maintain that teshuvah itself is explicitly a mitzvah. In addition to the mitzvah of confession in Parshas Naso, there is also a mitzvah of teshuvah, as written in Parshas Nitzavim: “And you shall return to Hashem your G-d.” That is to say, it is a mitzvah. There are several ways to understand the Rambam’s approach. Some say the Rambam holds that teshuvah is not a mitzvah at all; it is left to a person’s choice.

07:33 The Torah does not obligate a person to do teshuvah, just as the Torah does not obligate us to eat meat, for example. The Torah says: If you want to eat meat, you must slaughter the animal. The Torah does not command a person to get divorced, G-d forbid. If a person decides to get divorced, he must go through the process of giving a get; that is where the mitzvah lies. Similarly, according to this understanding of the Rambam, at least, the Rambam holds that a person is not obligated to do teshuvah. Teshuvah is left to the person’s choice. If someone decides to do teshuvah, then the Torah commands him to confess along with his teshuvah, and that is the mitzvah. But as we said, some of the great Rishonim disagree with the Rambam and hold that teshuvah is a mitzvah. What’s more, some of the great halachic commentators say that even the Rambam himself actually holds that teshuvah is a mitzvah—definitely a mitzvah. The mitzvah is not only confession. The Rambam, too, holds that there is certainly a mitzvah to return in teshuvah. There are several explanations for why the Rambam lists only the mitzvah of confession, rather than two mitzvos. One explanation is that the Rambam holds that when a mitzvah has two parts, one emotional, a matter of the heart, and the other practical, we list only the practical part as the mitzvah. Take prayer, for example. According to the Rambam, prayer is a Torah mitzvah, and the Rambam explicitly writes that prayer has two parts. There is the heartfelt aspect of prayer. “What is service of the heart?” the Rambam asks, citing the Gemara. “This is prayer.” Prayer is service of the heart. On the other hand, there is an obligation to pray—to say the words of the prayer. And of course, the Rambam does not divide this into two mitzvos. There is one mitzvah here: to pray. The same applies here too.

09:42 Teshuvah. Teshuvah has two parts: teshuvah itself, about which it says, “And you shall return to Hashem your G-d,” and confession. But when we speak of a mitzvah, we take only its practical component. We know that with the Torah’s mitzvos, we generally focus on the practical component. So here, too, we focus primarily on the practical component, which is confession. But teshuvah is also part of the Torah’s mitzvah. Let’s return to the Alter Rebbe’s words in Tanya. This is very interesting. After the Alter Rebbe quotes part of the baraisa at the end of Tractate Yoma concerning teshuvah and atonement—which is a subject in its own right—he begins by saying: “Now, the mitzvah of teshuvah according to the Torah…” In other words, the Alter Rebbe tells us clearly and unequivocally that teshuvah is a mitzvah. From the rest of the chapter, we see that in his view, there is no doubt that teshuvah is a mitzvah even according to the Rambam. We see this because the Alter Rebbe also quotes the Rambam later on that same page, without saying that his is a different view. That means he understands the Rambam as the commentators do: that the Rambam, too, holds that teshuvah is a mitzvah. There is a lot to discuss here. We need to understand exactly where the opinions differ. Why do some say teshuvah is not a mitzvah? Why do others say it is? Understanding both sides is fascinating, and it is also very relevant to our service of Hashem. We’ll discuss that later. We also need to understand why we need both teshuvah and confession. What exactly is confession? Why is it so important? We do see that confession is of the utmost importance. First, because the Torah commands it—especially according to the Rambam, who holds that it is the main part of the mitzvah. We also see it when Yom Kippur arrives: confession

11:53 is a central part of the service of Yom Kippur, beginning with the Kohen Gadol, who would confess over each offering, as we see in the Yom Kippur service, and continuing to our own day, when confession is a central part of all the Yom Kippur prayers. Al Cheit, Ashamnu—we make it a central focus. We’ll need to understand why confession is so central, and we’ll discuss that later as well. But the first thing we’ll focus on today is understanding the essential nature of teshuvah. What is teshuvah itself? We know that people commonly understand the word teshuvah to mean regret. If you ask an ordinary Jew, an ordinary person, “Tell me what teshuvah is,” he’ll say it means regretting what you did: regret for the past and a commitment for the future. A person takes stock of his life and sees that he has sinned, transgressed, and caused harm. He has done things over the course of the year that weren’t good. Then comes the time for teshuvah, and he is told: teshuvah means feeling regret. So much so that in several languages—English, Spanish, and others—the word teshuvah is even translated as “repentance.” But when we begin to look at the works of the Rishonim—take Chovos Halevavos, its Shaar Hateshuvah, or Rabbeinu Yonah’s Shaarei Teshuvah, wonderful books by great Torah sages—we find that teshuvah has many parts. Sometimes it says teshuvah consists of three parts; sometimes it lists even more. Chovos Halevavos gives twenty components of teshuvah. He divides them into five parts, and each part—sorry—into four parts, with five in each. So in the end, that makes twenty components of teshuvah. Of course, when a Jew hears that teshuvah has so many parts, sometimes it just adds to the burden he already feels. Wow. I have to do teshuvah, and there are twenty things

14:13 I have to do. There’s a long, arduous process of twenty parts just to do teshuvah. Of course, all these things are important and essential. They are all components of teshuvah. But the question we need to ask ourselves—and this is one of the wonderful things the Alter Rebbe explains to us in Tanya—is: What really is the essence of teshuvah? One of the things the Alter Rebbe teaches us throughout Tanya, and something wonderful to recognize in his work, is that he always seeks the inner point of a matter. Many things in Judaism have many components. In general, every area of halachah, the Torah’s mitzvos, everything in Judaism, has many parts. Take Shabbos: Shabbos has numerous components. There is the prohibition against work on Shabbos, the delight of Shabbos, the honor of Shabbos, and the thirty-nine melachos. Each melachah has Torah-level prohibitions, rabbinic prohibitions, restrictions, safeguards, and so on. So many details that, amid them all, it can sometimes be hard for a person to know exactly what Shabbos is essentially about. What is the central, inner, defining point of Shabbos? That is one of the wonderful things about the inner dimension of Torah: it reveals the inner dimension of everything. So here, too, Chassidus comes and looks for that inner dimension. What is the essential point? And then, what are its branches, components, and details? But first there is the essence: the essence of a Jew, the essence of Torah, the essence of a mitzvah, the essence of each and every subject. We have to look for the essence. And the Alter Rebbe tells us the same thing here: first of all, we need to know what the essence of teshuvah is. The Alter Rebbe says that the essence of teshuvah is found in the word teshuvah itself. If we take that word and consider its simplest meaning, we will reach the greatest depth

16:20 of teshuvah. The Alter Rebbe asks: What does the word teshuvah mean in its simplest sense? To return. The Rebbe says: “And this is the meaning of the word teshuvah: to return to Hashem, to return to Hakadosh Boruch Hu in truth and with a whole heart.” In other words, teshuvah means returning to Hakadosh Boruch Hu, accepting upon myself the yoke of the kingdom of Heaven, and no longer rebelling against His kingship. There is a very, very important message here, a very deep one that touches the deepest and innermost point of teshuvah. And here I also want to touch on a wonderful point that we all notice. One of the things that happens when we want to do teshuvah—each of us, as we said, during the month of Elul, the month for taking stock of our lives—is that a person sits down and begins to think a little about what happened over the year. We begin to examine ourselves, and then we find many sins. Each person, in his own self-examination, finds many things: neglecting Torah study, neglecting prayer, praying without proper concentration, speaking lashon hara, and so on. Each of us knows what we need to do teshuvah for. We start thinking and thinking, and we see that there’s a hefty balance in our teshuvah account. In other words, there are so many details and finer details. And if a person starts thinking, “I have to fix this, and fix that, and fix that,” and for every sin and transgression—whether it concerns a positive commandment or a prohibition, whether it’s rabbinic or Torah-level—he has to determine how severe the sin is and how to correct it, look through books for ways to make amends, through works of mussar and Kabbalah… There are all kinds of books that will explain the root of this sin and its severity, how to correct it, what forms of correction to undertake for this and for that—and it goes on and on, without end.

18:32 In Tanya, in Igeres Hateshuvah, the Alter Rebbe tells us: Friends, there is one central point here. Before you get into the details of teshuvah and how to put each detail right, before you think about exactly what you need to change in your life, the essence of teshuvah is one point and one point alone. I’ll quote the Alter Rebbe’s words. He begins: “The mitzvah of teshuvah according to the Torah is simply to abandon sin.” What does it mean to abandon sin? On a superficial level, we might think it means going back over the sins we’ve committed, one by one, and deciding about each one: I regret this. That’s it; I won’t do it again. I’ll make a resolution and work out how to make sure it doesn’t happen again. The Alter Rebbe says: No. Do you know what “simply to abandon sin” means? An inner decision that from today onward, I will not rebel against His sovereignty. In other words, the Alter Rebbe reveals that before you begin putting the details of your life right—examining each one, what you must do, what is forbidden and what is permitted, what you’ve done and what you need to correct—the essence of teshuvah is one point alone: accepting the yoke of Heaven. That is to say, at the root of all the sins a person committed during the year, there is also one underlying point: rebellion against His sovereignty, casting off the yoke of Heaven. A Jew is a servant of Hashem, as the Torah says: “For the Children of Israel are My servants.” That is who we are. At Matan Torah, we, the Jewish people, became servants of Hakadosh Boruch Hu. “When you bring the people out of Egypt, you will serve G-d on this mountain.” At Mount Sinai, following the Exodus from Egypt, Hakadosh Boruch Hu said: “I am Hashem your G-d, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt.” And Rashi tells us right at the beginning of the Ten Commandments: I brought you out of the land of Egypt on

20:57 this condition: that you would be My servants. A Jew is a servant of Hakadosh Boruch Hu. That is our essence. Every year, on Rosh Hashanah, at the beginning of the year, we Jews accept the yoke of Heaven upon ourselves. When a Jew stumbles in any sin, there is one point within it: casting off the yoke of Heaven. He throws off that yoke and rebels against His sovereignty. When I come to do teshuvah, what is the mitzvah of teshuvah according to the Torah? What words does the Torah use for teshuvah in Parshas Nitzavim? “And you shall return to Hashem your G-d.” To return to Hakadosh Boruch Hu. To accept the yoke of Heaven upon myself again. The moment I’ve done that, I’ve already done teshuvah. Hakadosh Boruch Hu has forgiven me. That is the essence of teshuvah. At that moment, a person has fulfilled the Torah’s mitzvah of teshuvah. Of course, the details come afterward. For matters between one person and another, you have to ask forgiveness. If there was theft, you have to return what was stolen, in accordance with all the relevant halachos. That is the next stage. But the essence of teshuvah, the Torah’s mitzvah of teshuvah, is simply to abandon sin. That means accepting the yoke of Heaven upon myself anew. As we enter the month of Elul, the Alter Rebbe tells us in the famous maamar “Ani Ledodi Vedodi Li,” which explains the essence of Elul: What does “I am my Beloved’s” mean? The Jewish self draws close to Hakadosh Boruch Hu, to my Beloved, out of love. That is the essence of the teshuvah of Elul. The Alter Rebbe gives the famous analogy of what happens in Elul: we go out to greet Him in the field. It is like a king: before he enters the city, the townspeople go out to greet him in the field. At that point, anyone who wishes to go out to greet him is permitted to do so and is able to do so. He receives everyone graciously and shows everyone a smiling face. That is the essence

23:19 of Elul. What does that mean in simple terms? In this beautiful, wonderful analogy, the Alter Rebbe explains these wonderful days of Elul. “I am my Beloved’s”: a Jew drawing close to Hakadosh Boruch Hu, going out to greet the king. Those are the Alter Rebbe’s holy words in the wonderful maamar “Ani Ledodi Vedodi Li.” It means going out—leaving the routine, the day-to-day, the material world, the state I’ve been in until now—and greeting the king. Accepting the yoke of His sovereignty, the yoke of Heaven, upon myself. Accepting the yoke of Heaven is the essence of our avodah in Elul, because that is the essence of teshuvah. Through it, a Jew puts right the rebellion. That is the main part of teshuvah, its central point, its essence—the very core of teshuvah according to the Torah. And afterward comes the rest of teshuvah. So that is what we’re learning today. It’s also very interesting that this subject, the essence of teshuvah, is connected not only with Elul—with the king in the field and going out to greet the king, as we’ve said—but also with the weekly parsha. One of the things Chassidus teaches us is the connection between the parsha and the time: to live with the parsha. In this week’s parsha, Parshas Shoftim, which we always read at the beginning of Elul, we find the mitzvah, “You shall surely appoint a king over yourself”—the mitzvah of appointing a king. We know what the sefarim, the Ramban and the commentators, say about the whole subject of a king: by choosing a king, a king of Israel, we are really choosing the King of kings, Hakadosh Boruch Hu. The true king’s role is to connect the people with the great King, with Hakadosh Boruch Hu. So the mitzvah of “You shall surely appoint a king over yourself” is about accepting the yoke of Heaven. And that is the main avodah we need to devote ourselves to during these days. A person needs to contemplate the fact

25:27 that Hakadosh Boruch Hu is the King of kings, and that He guides the world, gives it life, brings it into being and sustains it. As the Alter Rebbe explains in Tanya, chapter 41—the famous chapter in which he explains, in a very thorough and fundamental way, how a Jew contemplates the sovereignty of Hakadosh Boruch Hu and decides to accept the yoke of Heaven. That is the foundation of the avodah we need to work on throughout these days of Elul. And we should also know that the moment a Jew goes out to greet the king, the king receives us graciously and shows us a smiling face. That is why He is called “my Beloved.” “My Beloved” is about love, about drawing close. As the Bach writes in his commentary on the Tur, in connection with the halachos of Elul, this is the time when we draw close to our Beloved, Hakadosh Boruch Hu, so to speak, out of love. Teshuvah out of love is the true teshuvah we are meant to do during these days. May Hakadosh Boruch Hu grant each and every one of us a good inscription and sealing, a good and sweet year. May we make the most of these great days, the radiant days of Elul, of “I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine,” drawing close to our Beloved with love as He draws close to us with love. And may we merit the complete Geulah through Moshiach Tzidkeinu.