A symposium for women on shlichus and activities

00:00 Speaker 1 Today, precisely as a Chabad woman, I find that I can moderate my activities much more—and I do—and, with Hashem’s help, try to strike the right balance between my activities and my role at home as a mother and wife, and my activities outside the home. It is precisely because of that awareness of inner empowerment I mentioned earlier, which comes from the inner theme of Chai Elul, that I can give my activities more structure and moderation. Precisely because I am a chossid of the Rebbe, following the Baal Shem Tov, the Alter Rebbe, and so on. Because I have an inner understanding of why I do these things. It isn’t just a frantic rush to keep doing things, as it may appear to many people—or to women who think they aren’t active. Sometimes they are active; they just think they aren’t because they aren’t constantly running themselves ragged and racing against the clock. And when this work comes from within, we are actually immersed in it all the time. I had thought I wouldn’t speak about this balance, because Mrs. Karniel has already spoken about it, and I’m sure others will too. I want to take another point: I believe that by adding light, we drive away the darkness in everyday life—not just in theory. For years and years, the Rebbe instructed us to carry out campaign after campaign after campaign. Every Chabad child is practically born knowing the word “campaigns.” We tend to think it always means going out. What are campaigns? Getting into the car that goes out for the Shabbos candle-lighting campaign, or, if someone has a talent for teaching, giving classes, and so on. But I sat down and thought about it, and that isn’t quite accurate. This circle of campaigns begins with me, myself, and that is what I was speaking about earlier. It is this whole idea of birth, of the personal, inner state

01:56 Speaker 1 that I need to be in—a state of giving birth. In other words, I need to grow stronger from within. All my abilities need to come into play. I need to unite with and draw strength from the abilities Hakadosh Boruch Hu has given me, and then pass that on, bringing it to my husband and children. For example, a woman who can’t go out may think she isn’t active. When I have my children put a tzedakah box on the wall in their room, as the Rebbe requested, and each child has a Chitas in their room, that is already a campaign. Who said campaigns mean going out and rushing around every day? The next circle is my immediate surroundings, which I can also influence. Sometimes that means simply helping a neighbor, but doing it with a welcoming smile. After that comes my people. There are all kinds of situations among our people where I can help, and that is perhaps where the familiar, conventional campaigns come in. Today we also have the campaign concerning our land, where we have much to contribute on the issue of the integrity of Eretz Yisroel. And there is the final circle, the worldwide one. The Seven Noahide Laws are not as directly relevant to us here in Israel. But there is the work of bringing Moshiach, and that is worldwide, because it will bring wholeness to the world. So personally, as a mother, as a working mother, and as a woman, I feel that my whole life is permeated with this. It doesn’t always have to involve a sign or some specific activity. If I am imbued with the feeling that this is my mission, that this is why I was born, and that I am a daughter of the Baal Shem Tov, the Alter Rebbe, and the entire lineage, then it necessarily accompanies me all day long.

03:43 Speaker 2 Thank you very much. Still, there are only twenty-four hours in a day. What about all the many responsibilities placed on a woman? We’ll put that question to Mrs. Tirtza Botman, a young shlucha in Ramat Hasharon. Are cleaning, keeping the house in order, cooking, and the like important values in their own right, or can they be set aside or given less attention for the sake of more spiritual values? Please.

04:29 Speaker 1 Well, good evening, everyone. Perhaps I won’t speak as an example of what I actually do, but more about what I think should be done. Don’t come to my house to check. But I think that in my particular situation, cleaning—and perhaps cooking a little less so, or less often—is sometimes part of the shlichus. It’s part of the campaigns. If we’re the only Chabad people in Ramat Hasharon, and someone knocks on the door just to ask whether we happen to have a shofar, or where they can get something or other, and sees that the place is a complete mess, then we’ve already lost a few points as far as our work is concerned. I don’t know whether doors would be closed to us, but people would start looking at us as second-rate. So I think it’s very important that at least the front of the house, and the places people might see if they drop by unexpectedly, look the way they should. I try—perhaps not hard enough—to make sure that when someone knocks on the door, there’s nothing embarrassing and things look normal. I also try, for example, to make sure the children always go out nicely dressed, because people notice. A child wearing a kippah walks down the street, nicely dressed—especially on Shabbos, in Shabbos clothes—and it makes a great impression on people. They may stop and watch for several seconds, until we’re out of sight. So sometimes cleanliness and outward appearance are quite important, especially when you’re in a place where you’re fairly alone as religious Jews, and particularly as Chabad people. But again, as she said—as everyone said—you can always find the right balance. There’s no need to overdo it, right? You can always find a way to, as they say, sweep things under the rug. The house doesn’t have to be spotless, and no one is going to inspect the shutters, the windows, or what’s behind them. But having it reasonably tidy is

06:29 Speaker 1 important. As for cooking, I think you can make more allowances there. On Shabbos, when guests come and you host people, it’s important to make a real effort to honor Shabbos and your guests, and to make more of an impression, so to speak. On weekdays, it’s just the family. I think you can... These days, there are many foods that come almost fully prepared.

06:53 Speaker 3 Hot dogs.

06:54 Speaker 1 Yes, like the hot dogs someone suggested here. There are things that are healthy and nutritious. It’s a shame to spend so much energy and time on cooking. I think my children, at their age, really enjoy those things. They’ve never complained. I think they eat healthy food, and I don’t spend a great deal of time on weekday meals. That’s what I think.

07:18 Speaker 3 In short, “Know Him in all your ways.” For the next question, we’ll turn to Mrs. Esther Rochberger, a shlucha active in the campaigns. Please.

07:35 Speaker 4 Thank you.

07:35 Speaker 3 Here is another question. We’ve heard that it’s possible to be active, to manage, to find a middle way. But perhaps not everyone is suited to it. Can only women with a particular personality or special skills take part in spreading Judaism? Drawing on your extensive experience, can you suggest different ways for women who find it difficult to take part in activities under the usual conditions? Please.

08:16 Speaker 4 Good evening. I agreed to take part in this important symposium because I had the privilege of receiving a very, very special answer and instruction from the Rebbe, yechi Adoneinu Moreinu VeRabbeinu Melech HaMoshiach leolam vaed, on this subject. In a reply from 5742, before I moved to Rishon LeZion, when I was living in Kfar Chabad Bet, the Rebbe wrote to me in a certain context: “All the glory of the king’s daughter is within,” and “Nothing in this world was created for nothing, including talents.” Throughout this short symposium, we’ve been talking about balance. And here the Rebbe actually writes to us explicitly that this balance exists. In another instruction, the Rebbe told me that if there is an instruction in our holy Torah, then it must be possible to carry out. Otherwise, even human reason wouldn’t give an instruction that couldn’t be carried out. Those were his words too. So when we speak about “All the glory of the king’s daughter is within,” it’s understood that, first of all, a woman has to look after her home. The home has to serve the people in it; there has to be food, laundry done, and so on. At the same time, the Rebbe says, “Nothing in this world was created for nothing, including talents.” And that was in his own handwriting. So every person has abilities, every single person. I don’t agree. There’s a point we need to be precise about: your abilities and personality determine which campaign suits you. But to go out on a campaign, you need a great deal of desire, and even more, an awareness of how important the campaign is. Do you know what you’re going out for? Do your children know why you’re going out? I keep returning in all my classes to that same story about Reb Mendel, of blessed memory. Is the beam right before your eyes? Or are you getting confused, like a bear circling honey, until you’ve forgotten the goal? If

10:57 Speaker 4 the goal is before your eyes, if that beam is before your eyes, why are you afraid to walk the tightrope? If a circus performer can do it, you can too. It’s true that the rope is thin, and for each person it’s a matter of balance. That’s why the Rebbe told us to have a mashpia, or at least to reach an understanding with one’s husband. Each person knows what time she has, and when and how to do things. Now I want to turn to another point, the second part of the question: How does the work actually begin? I had to leave the sheltered world of Kfar Chabad Bet—I call it a way station—and move to Rishon. Suddenly, something very personal struck me. I wasn’t going out as a Chabad House or as a rabbi’s wife, but as an unknown person. How would I carry on? The answer came to me, of all places, in a halachah class with Rabbi Green. We learned this halachah: a vessel that is expelling does not absorb. After teaching the halachah, he went on to say, “And chassidim say jokingly: a chossid who gives out to his surroundings never absorbs from them, because that is also the halachah in the revealed dimension of Torah.” As long as that pot is expelling its chametz, it does not absorb anything non-kosher. During that time, it cannot absorb anything from its surroundings. A light went on for me, and I said: Esther, that’s it. Not a day can go by. You’re arriving in Rishon with four little children—three-year-old twins, a year-and-a-half-old girl, and a six-month-old baby—and every single day you have to do at least one campaign activity. So what if you’re not a Chabad House? You go to a neighbor’s home, where the cleaning lady is, and ask her one question: “Do you have a tzedakah box at home?” That’s it; you’ve checked the box for today. It’s a start. The whole Mizrachi community around you is hostile to you. You can’t do any more. The next day, you go to the baby clinic with the baby, say something to a woman, hand her a note, and talk to her, though she doesn’t seem to be listening. It seems

13:33 Speaker 4 to me that she’s listening, but it turns out that the neighbor is the one who noticed me—the one wearing shorts. She was the one who took it in. Years pass, and that same woman who wore shorts goes to a seminary. Her daughter starts coming to the Tzivos Hashem program we run. Then the girl shyly says to me, “My mother wants to know if you give a class too, because she wants to hear you.” Wait, wait—where does your mother come into this? Does she know me? “Don’t you remember? When you were at the baby clinic with your baby, who’s now nine or ten, you handed my mother a note.” Today, boruch Hashem, that woman’s daughter studies in a Chareidi school. We want to bring her into Chabad; she still wants to finish at Bais Yaakov. And boruch Hashem, at Tel Hashomer we had the privilege of getting her second daughter out of the draft office. And her son, boruch Hashem, was at a wedding here a week ago, and he has begun covering his head and keeping Shabbos. An entire family. And thanks to what? To the fact that Esther was afraid her home would be harmed. How could she go even one day without giving out? If she didn’t give out for a day, that vessel would start absorbing again. And she wasn’t a Chabad House or a rabbi’s wife, so how would it happen—what would become of it? That’s when I made the decision. One day, back in that period, there was no transportation for my children because I lived at the very edge of town—that’s how things had worked out. But the Rebbe had said to buy that apartment immediately. So what would happen? Boruch Hashem, today it’s a completely different story. We give classes, there’s Tzivos Hashem, all the activities are up and running. But right now I’m going back to the beginning. There’s no campaign activity that can’t be done. You can talk to a neighbor, go to the baby clinic, go anywhere, and afterward it all comes back like a boomerang. My husband meets a woman, a young woman—he saw someone praying in our shul.

15:56 Speaker 4 He asks, “What brings her here?” “Esther, pay attention to her.” That young woman then spent an entire year studying Tanya at our home every Shabbos afternoon, until my husband came back from shul. You see, we need to be engaged in Torah. A merchant is someone who is engaged in business; a merchant doesn’t waste time. He tries to do something with every opportunity. And through it all, the activity is at home, the activity is outside, and it’s balanced. What could be nicer than a young woman sitting and studying Tanya on Shabbos afternoon until my husband comes home, with all my daughters around her, and everyone hearing a Tanya class? There’s a great deal of advice and a great deal that can be done, but neither personality nor ability is the important thing. What matters is the desire and the awareness. We need to strengthen ourselves and keep our eyes on the beam. And with Hashem’s help, in this merit, may Moshiach come. Enough already.

17:12 Speaker 5 Thank you very much. As we know, the question isn’t really whether or not to do something. After all, the Rebbe told us, and it says explicitly in Hayom Yom: “The wives and daughters of chassidim stand in the front line of spreading light and Chassidus.” We have no choice. We start from the premise that we have to go out and take action. Still, how can we prevent children from feeling that they’re missing out or being neglected, as we heard in the opening segment? Please, Mrs. Henny Karnin[?].

18:09 Speaker 4 Well, when it comes to the children, Hashem forbid that they should be neglected. First of all, we need to involve them too. They also need to go out on campaigns; they also need to do things. There might be a day or two, or some other arrangement, when the mother goes out. There are days when the father goes out. That sets a personal example for the children, and there are days when we encourage them to go out, and they need to do something themselves. There was one year, a Hakhel year—you should have seen what the children did. A five-year-old did an activity for two- and three-year-olds. It was wonderful, and he was given sweets to hand out to them, which he really enjoyed. He did campaign activities too, so of course he won’t feel deprived when his mother goes out and he has to eat rugelach instead of a cake with whipped cream. It’s all right. Once or twice a year, you can make a cake with whipped cream too. That’s all right. The point is, for example, with older girls, whom we... Perhaps this is a bit... I’m talking about things that affect me personally. The older girls, whom you already expect to help you, suddenly say, “Wait, wait. On Sunday we study until four, on Monday we have an activity here, on Tuesday one there”—and there goes the help. They’re very busy. We need to let them do these things, but we also need to teach both them and ourselves how to manage our time, to set certain things: this is your part and this is your part, this is my part, and the rest. I once heard one of the chassidim here in Kfar Chabad give a talk to women. He said that the Rebbe had actually told this to the Temimim in yeshivah, but he said then that it applied to women too, and I truly think it applies to all of us: don’t go out on campaigns at other people’s expense. Go out on campaigns using your own personal time. In other words, you set your priorities and learn to divide your time better. You don’t have to deal with the laundry every day, even if there is

20:32 Speaker 4 So many little chores. Boruch Hashem, the machine does things in no time today. It’s not like it used to be, when everything had to be done by hand. Today we have much more free time than our mothers had, and certainly than our grandmothers had. We need to know how to use it properly. If we do, we’ll see that it brings blessing into the home. Going out on mivtzoim, organizing things properly, and involving the children only brings blessing—and in no way makes them feel neglected. Much success.

21:08 Speaker 6 Yasher koach. Thank you very much. If only we could put all these things into practice and take them to heart, and really go out on mivtzoim while keeping our homes well cared for, giving our children the upbringing they need, and having them take part too. And with Hashem’s help, through this activity, we will truly bring Moshiach. We’ll move on to the next segment, also drawn from the everyday lives of women involved in this work—experiences that are part of our lives almost every day or every week, or at least from time to time. Please.