Rabbi Peretz Chen | The small path to great success with our children

00:00 Hello! How are things? How are you doing? How’s it going? It’s so moving to hear the soldiers shout, “The Temple Mount is in our hands! The Temple Mount is in our hands!” when, after nineteen years, they liberated the Old City of Jerusalem, the Temple Mount, and the Western Wall. Every Jewish heart that hears it is deeply moved. But that conquest—or rather, that liberation—of the Old City and the Western Wall came at the end of a journey. They reached the goal they had set, but it took several stages along the way. Today’s lesson is about educating our children, and about how reaching our goal, conquering it, and shouting “The Temple Mount is in our hands!” requires us to take a journey. There is something very, very important we can do along that journey. If we do it, things will go much better and more effectively, and we’ll feel that we’re walking on solid ground as we make our way toward the goal. I want to open with a story from yesterday that will bring us into the subject. Last night, my wife and I went out to eat at a meat restaurant in Beit Shemesh. We were waiting for the dishes we’d ordered to arrive. No, no, what we ordered doesn’t matter right now; it’s not relevant. But while we waited, a pair sat across from us—a father and daughter. The father was dressed like a chossid. I don’t know exactly which Chassidic group he belonged to, but he was wearing full Chassidic dress. His daughter, sitting across from him, didn’t look quite the same. Her appearance didn’t quite fit the dress codes of her father’s community and their way of life. The daughter went out to the restaurant. And why did the father go out to the restaurant? Because his daughter isn’t following the family’s path, the way her parents hope and pray their children will follow. So, to stay connected with her, to make sure that connection isn’t broken, to help her feel that her father

02:24 is her father and always loves her, no matter what, and to keep a channel of communication open between them, he went out to the restaurant with her. They had a lively conversation, with smiles—a good conversation. When they finished their meal and left, you could see a great deal of satisfaction and calm on the father’s face. And I thought to myself, wait, I don’t understand. Your daughter is going to carry on as she has been. She isn’t about to change her ways the way you, her father, want, hope, and pray she will. So why are you happy? What are you pleased about? The answer is that this wise father knows how to appreciate the steps along the way. He knows that sitting together in a restaurant, having a good conversation, and growing closer means something. Yes, she’ll continue on the path she’s on right now, but this is already something significant on the way to conquering the Temple Mount. Something has happened, and he’s happy about it. He values it. He treasures it. Because great things—the conquest of the Temple Mount—come from many, many small things that ultimately lead to that great achievement. This reminds us very much of Rabbi Akiva. Until the age of forty, Rabbi Akiva could not read or write. What changed things for him, what made him realize that he, too, could progress, learn to read and write, and do far more than that, was seeing a stone with a hole in it. Suddenly he noticed the drops of water dripping onto the stone. He understood that although one drop might not make a hole in a stone, many drops together do, and every drop had done something. After all,

04:35 if each drop did nothing, then even many drops wouldn’t accomplish anything. Every drop did something, but it was one small thing on the way to the goal. Our task is to recognize and rejoice in those small victories, those small successes along the way to the great goal we long for. Of course, the basic thing is that we must have a goal. When we know we have a goal, then, with Hashem’s help, we’ll eventually get there. There was once a young man who went in to the Rebbe for yechidus, a private meeting. He wasn’t clear about the direction he wanted to take, and the Rebbe told him it would be a good idea to enter a yeshiva. But he still didn’t know whether he wanted to or not. What would it give him? What wouldn’t it give him? He was very confused. So the Rebbe took out a sheet of paper and something to write with and asked him to draw a circle. He drew one, but it wasn’t very accurate. It was a circle, but not a round, symmetrical one. Then the Rebbe took a compass out of the desk drawer and gave it to him. When he drew the circle with the compass, it came out perfectly. The Rebbe explained to him: When you use a compass, you set a fixed point. You’re clear about the goal you want to reach. You’ll go all the way around, but you’ll do it precisely. Your journey around will lead you to the goal, because when there’s a fixed point in the middle, a clear goal, the path around it becomes much, much clearer too. Some people live without that clarity. They don’t know what they want or don’t want. They wander here and there without a clear goal. When we have goals at home

06:37 with our children, there are all kinds of things we want to achieve, and the goal is clear to us. So we’ll keep going until we eventually get there. Because we have a goal, the path is much more sound, clearer, more precise. But the key—and this is really the message of the lesson—is to recognize and appreciate the journey itself. To treasure every small step forward on the way to the goal we long for. Let’s give an example and make it practical. Say it matters to me that my children get up on time in the morning and leave the house on time for school, for their studies, for Talmud Torah. It matters to me that they did their homework yesterday and that each child leaves with a sandwich and a bottle of something to drink. This matters to us, and that matters to us, and many other things matter too. Then morning comes, and, thank G-d, the children leave the house on time, calmly and peacefully, with less irritation and less pressure at home. They leave in good spirits, and the morning gets off to a lovely start. Now, we still have many things on our list that we want to accomplish. We still have many, many goals to reach. But let’s rejoice in that small success. Let’s give ourselves a big check mark—even treat ourselves to something tasty. Well done! Let’s praise our spouse, and let our spouse praise us. Well done, we did it! We’re capable of doing this. Let’s value and treasure that moment, linger in it, and be happy about it. That will give us the strength to move forward. Because if we always say, “Okay, the morning went well, but this and that didn’t go well,” we’ll take the wind out of our sails. We have to know how to appreciate the journey on the way to conquering the Temple Mount. And when we appreciate each step along the way, then, with Hashem’s help, we’ll reach the goal we long for too. So, with Hashem’s help...

09:02 With Hashem’s help, we’ll reach the point we need to reach. We’ll make the right turns and take the most precise route to get there. What will help us is learning to appreciate every stage along the way to that destination. When a plane flies from Israel to the United States, it has to pass over various places, over one country and then another. What does it do first? Of course, it sets its destination. It has a clear, clear destination, and that lets it travel there much more accurately. Sometimes there are slight deviations along the way, depending on the weather and all kinds of changing factors. But because the destination is clear, it can veer right, correct its course, reach its destination, and know it’s on the right track. The key is to appreciate and value each stage while we’re on our way. This is a very important point, because when we learn to appreciate those moments along the way, we’ll be much happier and calmer. We’ll feel capable: We can do this. We have what it takes, and with Hashem’s help, it will happen. So don’t give up on the journey. Don’t give up on appreciating the stages as you go. Then, with Hashem’s help, we’ll reach the conquest of the Temple Mount and achieve all the goals we long to reach. May we all be blessed with success and have nachas from our children. May we truly know how to rejoice in every good step we take at home with our children, and then we’ll see many, many successes. Because when we work this way, it increases our chances of succeeding, with Hashem’s help. And may the Jewish people be blessed with success. With Hashem’s help, may the Jewish people prevail on every front, may all the soldiers be healthy and safe, and may the hostages return home healthy and safe. With Hashem’s help, may we merit the coming of Moshiach, the resurrection of the dead,

11:12 and the complete Geulah. If you feel that the message shared here speaks to you, that it touches you in some way, pass it on. Share it with a friend. Do you have something to add? The comments below are the place for it. And of course, please like and share. That’s what prompts YouTube to promote the class so that as many Jews as possible can benefit from it. Thank you very much. Much success. Good news. All the best.