What I learned from the dairy farmer from Kibbutz Zikim can shed light on our home

00:00 Hello. I met Jackie, the dairy farmer from Kibbutz Zikim, a few days after the war began. Jackie works at the Magen David Adom station in Ashkelon. After the war broke out, I made a personal decision to go every day with my tefillin to the Magen David Adom station, the fire station, and the police station in the city, to give the staff and volunteers the opportunity to put on tefillin. After all, the Gemara says that when a Jew puts on tefillin, it strikes fear into our enemies. So I went day after day after day. By the way, I still do it. The war isn’t over yet. I was there yesterday, and, G-d willing, I’ll be there today after work too. That’s how I met Jackie, the dairy farmer, and offered him the chance to put on tefillin. Jackie agreed, and we got talking. “What do you do? Where are you from?” He told me he was from Kibbutz Zikim, and that the other kibbutz members were now staying at a hotel near Jerusalem. I said, “Well, how’s the hotel? How’s it going there?” He told me, “It’s not the same. They really pamper us. Every morning and evening there are performances and activities. They put a lot into taking care of us. The hotel manager goes out of his way for us. But it’s not the same. I want to go home. I’ve lived on the kibbutz for forty years. I’m used to getting up in the morning and seeing my friends: ‘How are you? Good morning.’ I come back to the kibbutz from time to time, because as a dairy farmer I have permission to enter. But the place is deserted. There are soldiers at the entrance. I don’t know them, and they don’t know me. It’s not the same. I want to go home.” This war has brought home to many of us just how much we love home. Especially at the beginning, many people from the south left their

01:57 homes, and later many people from the north left theirs—and many are still away today. Suddenly, people felt an intense need, a deep longing, to go home already. Suddenly, people realized that the home they had taken for granted wasn’t something to take for granted, and how good it is to be home. Every person needs a home: a private, personal, intimate place that is theirs and theirs alone. Home gives us a sense of security; it gives us strength. If I’ve had a bad day, if difficult or unpleasant things have happened, where can I find strength, peace and calm? In my home, with my family, in that personal, intimate place that is mine alone. A person needs a home. So if a home is so essential, how can we make ours more pleasant? How can we make the relationships between the children better? How do we do that? In today’s class, G-d willing, we’ll talk about one small tip that can really help make the relationships between the children at home much, much better than they are today. Speaking of this need to feel at home in one’s own private space, I once heard a story at a farbrengen about a mashpia named Reb Mendel Futerfas. He was a Jew of tremendous self-sacrifice, who risked his life to observe mitzvos, practice Yiddishkeit and study Torah at a time when all that was against the law in Soviet Russia, where he lived. Reb Mendel Futerfas related that he was taken to prison and sentenced to several years there. He said, “In prison, they wanted to break us, to crush us completely, to destroy our spirit. What did they do to destroy our spirit? They didn’t give us a single private space inside our prison cell.”

04:03 At home, children don’t always have their own rooms. In some homes they do, but in others several children share a room. Still, each child has a drawer of their own. That drawer isn’t just a few inches of space to store notebooks or toys. Each child’s drawer is their personal space, a protected, private, intimate place that is theirs alone. It gives them a great sense of security. It’s no wonder children get terribly upset when someone touches their drawer. It isn’t just a practical matter; it’s an intrusion into their privacy, into the most personal place that belongs only to them. That personal space is something the soul needs. Reb Mendel said that those accursed people in Russia wanted to destroy us, to crush us, and they didn’t even leave us a single private, personal space. The truth is that there is someone else longing to return to His home, to that special place: Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai says, “Wherever the Jewish people were exiled, the Shechinah went with them.” When we are in exile—and that is where we are now, without the Beis Hamikdash—Hakadosh Boruch Hu is in exile with us. He longs to return to His home, to the Beis Hamikdash. If one can say such a thing, right now Hakadosh Boruch Hu is homeless. He has no home, no place of His own, and He too longs very much to return to it. G-d willing, when Moshiach comes and the Beis Hamikdash is rebuilt, the Shechinah will once again shine in the place of the Mikdash, the holiest place in the world. It will no longer be, as the prophet says, a place where foxes walk. Instead, the Jewish people will be there. Then Hakadosh Boruch Hu will return home together with us, as it should be. Hakadosh

06:05 Boruch Hu, too, needs a home. Everyone needs a home. Every person needs that special place called home. So how can we make our home a more pleasant, welcoming place? What happens is that we come home, especially after a day’s work, hoping to rest and unwind a little after a busy day full of challenges and experiences. But we walk in, and right away the children aren’t getting along. They don’t understand each other; they’re arguing about this and that. Suddenly we’re in a kind of battlefield, facing a whole lot of work and tasks just to calm everyone down—nothing like what we expected or wanted. So what can we do? One tip that can really help us bring a good, pleasant atmosphere into our home, G-d willing, is to make a box. We’ll call it the Good Deeds Box. Gather the children and tell them: “Dear children, we have something new in our home. We’ve made a box. See? It’s called the Good Deeds Box. It’s like a little ballot box. Whenever you do a good deed—when you show consideration for a brother or sister, speak respectfully to us, your parents, or to your siblings, sometimes give way to a sibling, or listen when we tell you it’s time to take a bath, or anything like that—we’ll put a note in the box. For every good deed, every time you listen, honor your parents or treat your siblings kindly, we’ll drop in a note. At the end of the week, or after a few days, depending on what we decide, we’ll count them. If there are a certain number of notes, you’ll get this and you’ll get that.” Of course, we’ll promise them things we know will excite them, things they long for and enjoy. That will motivate them to improve and do good deeds. It’s just like the effort children make so they can bring a note about their good behavior to their kindergarten teacher every day—they work hard for

08:16 This is very, very important to them. They’re willing to do a lot of things just so we’ll write them a nachas note for their kindergarten teacher. When they see a note—something physical, not just spoken praise—a written note means much more to them. So we should make actual, physical notes too. That will give them much more motivation, enthusiasm, and desire to do good things. The great benefit of this approach is that we can teach them so many values. We can explain how important clean language and respectful speech are, and tell them, “Do this, and you’ll earn a note.” Little by little, they’ll get used to this wonderful, important habit of speaking cleanly. We’ll also explain the value of sometimes giving way to someone else. They’ll do it, and they’ll learn what it means to give way to others. They’ll learn to speak respectfully to their parents and to listen when their parents ask them to do something—to take a shower or sit down for dinner. And little by little, with Hashem’s help, we’ll create a much closer, warmer, more united, loving, pleasant, and peaceful atmosphere at home. At the end of an exhausting day, we’ll come home to a much calmer, more peaceful home. And our home—as we discussed earlier, the safe place that gives us confidence, strength, and joy—will, with Hashem’s help, be much, much more pleasant and better for everyone. May we, with Hashem’s help, have much success in raising our children and see much, much nachas from them. May Jackie from Kibbutz Zikim, and all the other Jews, all the other residents of the north and the south, return to their homes peacefully, calmly, safely, and joyfully, with Hashem’s help. May Hakadosh Boruch Hu, too, finally return to His home with the complete Geulah and the coming of Moshiach Tzidkeinu. And may all the soldiers, with Hashem’s help, be

10:24 healthy and safe. May all the wounded recover, may the hostages return, and may we merit the resurrection of the dead and, with Hashem’s help, be reunited with those holy souls who were suddenly taken from us in the war, in this terrible war. May all of this, with Hashem’s help, come with joy and gladness of heart. If you feel this video gave you something valuable, a good idea for life, share it. Share it with a friend. If you have more tips and ideas, write them below the video. Let all of us benefit from your thoughtful ideas too. May we hear good news, and may there be blessing and success. All the best.