The Remedy for a Self-Centered Generation: Why Shabbos Selichos Changes Everything | Rabbi Chanoch Rosenfeld #003

00:00 Speaker 1 Welcome. I’m happy to open our third farbrengen as we approach Shabbos Selichos. If you’d like to dedicate an episode of the farbrengen in someone’s merit or in memory of someone, you’re welcome to contact us privately. I’m Meir Wishnapsky, and you’re listening to On Chabad Education.

00:16 Speaker 2 Rabbi Chanoch Rosenfeld, l’chaim, l’chaim.

00:18 Speaker 1 L’chaim, l’chaim. May it be a good and sweet year, may you be inscribed and sealed for a good year—a blessed, sweet year. L’chaim.

00:27 Speaker 2 Amen. So here we are, close to Shabbos Selichos. There’s the well-known story that in the town of Lubavitch, this was a time for dancing and joy. And I want to ask: why? Selichos, as I understand it, is a time to ask forgiveness. Even the texts we say during Selichos are largely about asking forgiveness for what we’ve done, as we approach Rosh Hashanah and the Days of Awe. So why, when you come to a Chabad shul on Shabbos Selichos, is there a farbrengen, joy, and people saying l’chaim? Isn’t that a bit of a contradiction?

01:13 Speaker 1 A very good question. An excellent question. But I’ll ask you a different question.

01:17 Speaker 2 Ah, a Jew answers a question with a question.

01:20 Speaker 1 Shabbos Selichos. What’s the logic? When do we say Selichos? On Shabbos?

01:26 Speaker 2 Motzaei Shabbos.

01:27 Speaker 1 “At the close of the day of rest,” right?

01:31 Speaker 2 Yes.

01:31 Speaker 1 We say Selichos at the close of the day of rest. And, by the way, we do it after midnight—after Shabbos is completely over.

01:38 Speaker 2 Shabbos is already completely out.

01:39 Speaker 1 Shabbos is completely over. So why are Selichos associated specifically with Shabbos? It’s as though Shabbos Selichos is the starting point. Now we begin; now we get ourselves in line for Selichos. Why? What does Shabbos have to do with Selichos? What’s the logic? You could ask—how do you put it?—we know that Shabbos is the beginning of the week. After all, Shabbos blesses all the days, right? Shabbos really starts everything. So when there’s Selichos, which prepares us properly for Rosh Hashanah, we need a good, fitting Shabbos. From there, so to speak, we step on the gas and move forward with all our strength. On a simple level, that’s why it’s called Shabbos Selichos. It’s the starting point, the beginning. But it’s not only that. It’s not just the technical reason, let’s call it, that Shabbos is the source of blessing and we carry on from there. There’s actually a direct, close connection between Shabbos and Selichos. But this isn’t a lecture. Let’s say a little l’chaim.

02:43 Speaker 2 Yes, so it won’t be one.

02:44 Speaker 1 L’chaim, l’chaim, l’chaim.

02:45 Speaker 2 L’chaim, l’chaim.

02:52 Speaker 1 L’chaim. We sang a little.

02:54 Speaker 2 Yes, of course. So we can get out of lecture mode—

03:01 Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. We have to.

03:07 Speaker 2 [unclear]

03:07 Speaker 1 You know, thank G-d, I had a mashgiach at Oholei Torah, Rabbi Ephraim Pikarsky. This was before the smartphone era. People had phones then, too, but they weren’t smart phones. They had phones. People wanted to document the occasion. You’re at Oholei Torah, you’re there, and, you know, there are all sorts of defining events during that year. One of them is a farbrengen. A farbrengen is a very significant event for yeshiva students—for Temimim in general. At Oholei Torah, at 770, Beis Chayeinu—what could be greater? So a lot of them—actually, not a lot, but several fellows—pulled out cameras and photographed the farbrengen. Today you take a picture without even noticing you’re doing it.

03:52 Speaker 2 It’s an integral part of things.

03:53 Speaker 1 Back then, when someone took a picture, everyone noticed. He’d stand up and take it. So Ephraim Pikarsky would always say—maybe he let them do what they wanted because it was a farbrengen. At a farbrengen, you know, you relax. There’s no pressure, no strict discipline. Everyone goes with it; everyone joins in. It belongs to everyone. It’s an experience for everyone, not one person lecturing while everyone else listens. But he told them this. He said, in English, “Remember: Whoever takes the picture is out of the picture.” The person taking the picture is outside it. We need to remember that. Thank G-d, these days you can be in the picture and take the picture too. You have that option. But yes.

04:38 Speaker 3 We’re surrounded here by equipment and things, but—

04:41 Speaker 1 Thank G-d, thank G-d. But one of them—

04:43 Speaker 3 Is always in the picture.

04:43 Speaker 1 But to really be in the picture, you have to say a little l’chaim. That’s what brings you in. That’s the secret of “Great is a drink, for it brings those who are distant close.” It’s about speaking heart to heart. Not just—

04:56 Speaker 3 That’s a little hard today. It’s hard in general.

04:59 Speaker 1 True, true. But the truth is, that’s what people are looking for.

05:04 Speaker 3 Connection.

05:05 Speaker 1 Yes. They want to hear what’s real—not what you think, but what you feel. They want to hear you, your reality. Who are you? That’s what they want. As it says, “His soul went forth as he spoke.” They want to hear what you have inside, not just what you say or how you say it, but without filters. That’s what they’re waiting to hear, because thank G-d, there’s plenty of information.

05:32 Speaker 3 Yes, today it’s available at the touch of a button.

05:34 Speaker 1 Yes, yes, and it goes beyond that. It’s not just within reach. You say “the touch of a button”—it’s a touch; you don’t even have to press. You don’t even have to make that much effort. But there’s more to it. The very fact that every child knows that, in an instant, all the information, anything he wants to know, is available—he asks AI any question he wants, and it puts it in terms he can understand—means that information no longer impresses him. Even if you give him astonishing insights, they won’t move him. You’re not really surprising him, because he expected the surprise you think you’re giving him.

06:20 Speaker 3 With the information, with the idea.

06:22 Speaker 1 Information isn’t the point here. He’s looking for what a computer can’t give. What can’t a computer give?

06:28 Speaker 3 A soul.

06:28 Speaker 1 Feeling, a soul. And that’s a farbrengen. That’s where the soul reveals itself, where we connect soul to soul. It comes through words or through niggunim, but it’s the soul speaking. To let the soul speak—l’chaim! L’chaim! L’chaim! L’chaim! Anyway, let’s go back. What was the question?

06:48 Speaker 3 Let’s keep going. There are no questions; we’re friends.

06:50 Speaker 1 L’chaim! L’chaim! About this whole point of Shabbos Selichos, there’s a very, very interesting sicha [unclear]. It was on 21 Elul, and the Rebbe spoke about it. He took the subject and analyzed it thoroughly. Now, the whole idea of Shabbos Selichos doesn’t seem to fit together. Why? Because on Shabbos, we don’t deal with distress or painful things. It says, “And you shall call Shabbos a delight.” We don’t spend a time of delight dealing with things that are outside that atmosphere. That’s Shabbos. So why Shabbos Selichos?

07:35 Speaker 3 How do you connect those two points?

07:36 Speaker 1 How do you bring those two things together? The Rebbe discusses this at length and gives a wonderful explanation. I think it explains how to experience Shabbos altogether. It’s not just that there happens to be a Shabbos before Selichos. This Shabbos prepares you for all the Shabbosim of the year. If you learn what a true Shabbos is by understanding Shabbos Selichos, you’ll understand what Shabbos is.

08:03 Speaker 3 It’s the Shabbos before Rosh Hashanah, which is what we’re—

08:05 Speaker 1 Yes, Shabbos. “All the days are blessed through it.” In other words, Rosh Hashanah is, in a sense, included in this Shabbos.

08:10 Speaker 3 Right.

08:11 Speaker 1 If you want to understand Shabbos properly, so you can observe it properly throughout the year, reflect on this Shabbos. What is this Shabbos? The Rebbe begins with a very interesting question. He asks: if you notice, there are years when we say only the minimum number of days of Selichos. Sephardim say Selichos for a month.

08:38 Speaker 3 Right, a month.

08:39 Speaker 1 The month of Selichos and mercy. But we generally say Selichos for at least four days before Rosh Hashanah.

08:48 Speaker 3 Yes.

08:49 Speaker 1 That’s the minimum. So sometimes there’s more, sometimes less.

08:51 Speaker 3 If Rosh Hashanah falls on Wednesday, we start on Motzaei Shabbos.

08:53 Speaker 1 We start on Motzaei Shabbos, exactly. That’s the shortest it gets. If it falls on Shabbos, what happens? On Thursday? Then we start—it begins to stretch out a bit. If it falls on Tuesday, then you—

09:04 Speaker 3 You have a week and a half.

09:06 Speaker 1 Of Selichos. Yes, that’s hard. It’s a lot. But even so, Shabbos Selichos this year is a special Shabbos. Besides preparing you for Selichos, Shabbos Selichos is also a Shabbos on which—I mean, this week—

09:21 Speaker 3 Chai Elul.

09:22 Speaker 1 The end of the week—all the events of the week are included in this Shabbos. That means we receive from Chai Elul, and at the same time, it is also “blessed from it.” Rosh Hashanah, too, is included in this Shabbos, in this Shabbos.

09:34 Speaker 3 Because it’s in the week of...

09:34 Speaker 1 Because it’s Shabbos.

09:36 Speaker 3 Yes.

09:36 Speaker 1 So usually it all comes together on Shabbos Selichos; the focus is especially on Selichos. Here you have [unclear], you have an intensity that you don’t have every year. It’s very rare to have this and this and Selichos as well.

09:52 Speaker 3 Chai Elul.

09:52 Speaker 1 Yes, but this is good. It gives you an insight into this whole thing, this whole weight of it—that’s what I think. This is what the Rebbe did every year, every Shabbos at the farbrengen. The Rebbe always helped us understand what was special about that Shabbos. Really, the Rebbe did this with every day, every event: why this is the moment, this is the event, this is the momentum of the entire year. And it really is that way, because even on Tu B’Av there is...

10:20 Speaker 3 Right.

10:21 Speaker 1 [unclear]. In other words, at any given moment, there’s a new reality. So every moment is the moment.

10:26 Speaker 3 Yes. When you said that this Shabbos sets the course for the whole year, I immediately thought of Shabbos Bereishis. When you live with the Rebbe’s teachings, with the Rebbe’s sichos, every moment has meaning. Every Shabbos is the most significant one for that point in time, and then the next one is the most significant. It means living at a very, very...

10:48 Speaker 1 Right.

10:48 Speaker 3 Daily pace.

10:49 Speaker 1 Right. So some people say: If that’s the case, if everything really comes together on this Shabbos and everything depends on it, what does it mean if I miss this Shabbos?

10:58 Speaker 3 It’s all gone.

10:58 Speaker 1 It’s all gone, right? Because you’re saying this is the moment. If I missed it, setting the bar so high can sometimes lead to a kind of [unclear], a kind of despair.

11:09 Speaker 3 Right.

11:09 Speaker 1 But the truth is, what the Rebbe helped us understand is that, on the one hand, yes, this is a time to rise higher, a moment to rise higher. But on the other hand, don’t worry: even if you fell, you can still make leaps. Hakadosh Boruch Hu sends you opportunities. It’s just a little harder when Shabbos Bereishis arrives. If you didn’t prepare properly on Shabbos Selichos, then when Shabbos Bereishis arrives, you’re not really ready for it. You won’t know how to make proper use of the moment.

11:36 Speaker 3 So what does it mean to make use of this Shabbos?

11:38 Speaker 1 Oh! What does it mean? What does making use of it mean here? So the Rebbe—

11:41 Speaker 3 Wait, one second—a connection.

11:42 Speaker 1 Let’s get back to our point. How exactly does this work? What is this Shabbos about? So the Rebbe says—we started talking about the four days.

11:50 Speaker 3 Right.

11:51 Speaker 1 Before doing this, we try to begin Selichos four days in advance. Why four days before? What’s the secret of these four days? The idea comes from korbanos. When people brought korbanos to the Beis Hamikdash, they didn’t just buy an animal at the shop and immediately bring it to the Beis Hamikdash. They had to keep it and wait with it for four days.

12:13 Speaker 3 Mm-hmm.

12:13 Speaker 1 What’s the point of four days? To examine it and make sure it has no blemish. Some things aren’t immediately visible—

12:20 Speaker 3 And they develop.

12:20 Speaker 1 And they develop. And there are things you see that look like who knows what, but four days later you don’t see them anymore. Four days give you perspective: what’s really there, which problems are real and which ones don’t need so much attention. Four days to examine it—that’s the point. That’s what they did for the Beis Hamikdash. Now, the sefarim say that on Rosh Hashanah we don’t just bring a korban—we bring ourselves to Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Just as you need to examine a korban for four days before bringing it to the Beis Hamikdash, checking that everything is in order, so too with us, before we approach the King. A korban—what does that mean? Closeness. We aren’t sending some substitute in our place. We ourselves approach and stand there: “You are standing today, all of you, before Hashem your G-d.” That happens on Rosh Hashanah. We stand before the King, and we need to make sure we’re truly free of every stain, completely clean. So those four days are Selichos. That’s the idea of Selichos: a minimum of four days.

13:28 Speaker 3 Yes.

13:28 Speaker 1 If there are more, all the better. But four days.

13:31 Speaker 3 But at least four, like the korban.

13:32 Speaker 1 Yes. But now you’ll ask: Fine, four days—but why must it start specifically on Shabbos?

13:38 Speaker 3 Yes.

13:40 Speaker 1 Four days—it starts on Thursday, so let’s begin on Sunday, Sunday night. What’s behind the four days? Why specifically Motzaei Shabbos? How does it begin? “At the close of the day of rest.”

13:51 Speaker 3 [unclear].

13:53 Speaker 1 Wow, wow, wow!

13:53 Speaker 3 Yes.

13:54 Speaker 1 L’chaim, l’chaim.

13:55 Speaker 3 L’chaim, l’chaim, and blessings.

13:57 Speaker 1 Fascinating. You just hear that melody, you just—why specifically “at the close of the day of rest”? Besides wanting the special quality of Shabbos too, we want to draw on every advantage we can. You don’t want to start on empty. You don’t want to start from zero.

14:15 Speaker 3 To gather as much as possible.

14:15 Speaker 1 To gather as much as possible. Shabbos lifts you up. It raises a person not just a little, but several levels higher. So it’s always good to start there. But there’s more to it, the Rebbe says: How can a person examine himself? With an animal, it’s easy to examine it. The animal is separate from you. You bring it, look at it, set up cameras—I don’t know—it’s something outside yourself—

14:44 Speaker 3 [unclear], you do—

14:45 Speaker 1 Exactly. You look, you check, and you move on. But when you’re examining yourself, it isn’t someone from the outside; it isn’t an external inspection. It’s you examining yourself, and that’s a little more complicated. There’s a saying: “Love covers all transgressions.” We love ourselves. There are things that, even if you put yourself in isolation for four days, a week, a month, a year, you still wouldn’t see them, though everyone else sees them without a magnifying glass.

15:19 Speaker 3 You mean some negative behavior, or something not good in you that the people around you can see.

15:24 Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

15:24 Speaker 3 You’re always telling yourself stories.

15:26 Speaker 1 You don’t even—it’s not that you tell yourself stories. You don’t see it at all.

15:30 Speaker 3 Yes.

15:31 Speaker 1 If someone says something to you, you’re like, “What are you talking about?” That’s—

15:36 Speaker 3 Familiar, yes.

15:36 Speaker 1 That’s how it is. What can you do? We’re all like that; everyone finds themselves in that place. That’s called “Love covers all transgressions.” You don’t see a thing. Even when you do see it, when it has already entered your awareness, if someone speaks to you about it, [unclear], you explode at them. Why? Because you feel they’ve exposed something hidden. You knew about it, okay, but now they’ve revealed it to everyone. You don’t realize that everyone already knows. But as far as you’re concerned: What are you doing?

16:07 Speaker 3 Why are you exposing me?

16:07 Speaker 1 Why are you exposing me? That’s generally how it goes; it’s human nature. In any case, how do we examine ourselves? How do we do it?

16:17 Speaker 3 Yes, examining ourselves doesn’t really sound possible.

16:20 Speaker 1 Right. That’s the secret of Shabbos. What is Shabbos? We talked about this earlier: on Shabbos, you don’t say Tachanun.

16:30 Speaker 3 Right.

16:31 Speaker 1 Why don’t we say Tachanun on Shabbos?

16:35 Speaker 3 Because, simply put, the light is different on that day, isn’t it? It’s a holier day than a weekday.

16:40 Speaker 1 Okay, so take advantage of the opportunity. Wonderful. And because there’s an opportunity, because the light is greater—well, now’s the time to say Tachanun.

16:49 Speaker 3 You rise to a place where you don’t see the deficiency. That is, you don’t see the bad.

16:54 Speaker 1 Right, right. You’re saying good things. That’s true. But let’s make it a little more precise. What happens on Shabbos? You forget about yourself. The whole point of Shabbos is: stop being preoccupied with yourself. Stop. “All your work is done.” Whatever you need—it isn’t about you; you’re not the story here.

17:16 Speaker 3 Stop being preoccupied with your own existence.

17:17 Speaker 1 Stop—exactly. When you’re busy with confession and Tachanun, you’re dealing with yourself. Shabbos isn’t a time to deal with yourself. How does the verse put it? “And you shall call Shabbos a delight, the holy day of Hashem...” Shabbos is Hashem’s day.

17:32 Speaker 3 He’s the story, not us.

17:33 Speaker 1 Right, right, right. By the way, that’s also the point in simple terms. What’s the difference between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur? On Rosh Hashanah, if you notice, we don’t say Tachanun. You think to yourself: Master of the Universe, this is the first day of the Ten Days of Teshuvah. Okay, it’s Rosh Chodesh, so we don’t say Tachanun. But the second day of Rosh Hashanah is already the second. Why wouldn’t you say Tachanun? This is the time to ask Hakadosh Boruch Hu to forgive us right now and spare us a great deal. So why not? Chassidus explains that on Rosh Hashanah, the focus isn’t on you. You’re not the story here. “You are all standing today before Hashem your G-d.” Today we crown the King. Today we think about Him. The spotlight is on Him, not on us. So yes, we have flaws, we have problems, we have all that—but we’re not the story here. And that also lets us come together and feel united. By the way, it’s very interesting: we come together on Rosh Hashanah. What’s the mitzvah of Rosh Hashanah? Shofar.

18:32 Speaker 3 Right.

18:33 Speaker 1 All these cultured, intellectual people come together. For what? To hear the shofar. What is a shofar? An animal’s horn. Most of the time—I know, with all due respect, the sounds that come out of a shofar aren’t exactly music of the highest caliber. Some baalei tekiah know how to do it properly, but for the most part, it’s as if, instead of expressing yourself through the best instrument Hakadosh Boruch Hu gave you—you’re a speaking being, and Hakadosh Boruch Hu gave you the power of speech; speak, speak to Him as best you can, with your abilities and talents—no, we take a shofar, an animal’s horn, and choose to speak to Him specifically through that. What’s the idea? Chassidus explains that it’s a reminder. It says, “Man and beast You save, Hashem.” That’s the reminder. Sometimes we get carried away with ourselves, but before Hashem, the animal and I are in the same place. The sound that comes out of there and the sound I think is so moving—all those messages, that voice and this voice—are equal. They’re really the same. That bittul, that approach of self-nullification, is what opens things up. It’s also what makes this unity possible. If someone gives a speech to the Jewish people, with all due respect, not everyone shows up. Not everyone comes to listen. Some people say, “I’m not going to listen to him.”

20:05 Speaker 3 Yes.

20:06 Speaker 1 But when it’s the shofar, something beyond us, beyond the human sphere, that’s a different story. Then it’s easier to set yourself aside.

20:14 Speaker 3 Rosh Hashanah. The story—we’re the story.

20:15 Speaker 1 We’re the story here.

20:16 Speaker 3 Also on Shabbos, and—

20:17 Speaker 1 And it’s the same with Shabbos. It’s not [unclear]. That’s the point of Shabbos, Shabbos Selichos: we rise above ourselves; we leave ourselves behind. By the way, that’s also why Shabbos Selichos isn’t just Shabbos in order to—

20:34 Speaker 3 Actually, all this happens on Motzaei Shabbos Selichos.

20:36 Speaker 1 Right. Right, right. In fact, the Rebbe says that not only is it technically more fitting to call it Motzaei Shabbos Selichos, but also Motzaei Menuchah—the end of the day of rest.

20:45 Speaker 3 Yes.

20:46 Speaker 1 Actually, it goes further than that. There’s a problem with calling it Shabbos Selichos. What’s the halachic problem? You’re preparing on Shabbos—

20:53 Speaker 3 Right.

20:53 Speaker 1 —for a weekday. What do you mean? You say Selichos after midnight on Motzaei Shabbos, and you call it that as though Shabbos is preparing for it. But the truth is, it isn’t preparation. It begins to take shape and grow on Shabbos. You’re not preparing here for something else.

21:09 Speaker 3 Yes.

21:10 Speaker 1 The reality is coming into being here on Shabbos, here and now.

21:13 Speaker 3 And only with Shabbos.

21:14 Speaker 1 Only with Shabbos. Without Shabbos you can’t do it. There’s nothing to talk about. Without Shabbos, you’re busy—you know, if you start examining yourself from within your usual state, there’s no way you’ll see any problem. You’ll be too caught up in things. It’s specifically after you’ve managed to rise above it, stepped out of everyday life, left work behind, left all your worries behind, right?

21:34 Speaker 3 Yes.

21:34 Speaker 1 In thought, speech, and action, you rose above it. You davened a little better, sat down and opened your heart to someone else, managed to lift yourself up a bit, managed to make proper use of Shabbos—then you can look at yourself a little from the outside. Then there’s really something to talk about; then it can truly be effective, and Selichos will be meaningful. Now, l’chaim.

21:58 Speaker 3 L’chaim, l’chaim.

22:02 Speaker 1 Oh! You know, that reminds me of a story. I don’t know, people don’t usually connect it with this, but I think it does relate to Shabbos Selichos.

22:17 Speaker 3 Mm-hmm.

22:18 Speaker 1 I don’t remember the name of the chossid the story happened to. It’s about a student of the Rebbe Maharash, a chossid of the Rebbe Maharash. He was a very prominent rabbi in some town, a respected rabbi. And that rabbi—there were many misnagdim there who caused him terrible trouble. In general, it was a very difficult period. I should say they didn’t suffer only from the misnagdim; they suffered from chassidim too. Chassidim—

22:49 Speaker 3 Right, there was—

22:49 Speaker 1 Yes, family members.

22:50 Speaker 3 The Tzemach Tzedek’s children had split into different groups.

22:52 Speaker 1 Yes, yes, and there was quite a lot going on there.

22:53 Speaker 3 Yes.

22:54 Speaker 1 Quite a lot. He suffered.

22:55 Speaker 3 It would be interesting sometime to sit down and get into the whole—

22:58 Speaker 1 There’s a book that’s just come out about the Tzemach Tzedek’s sons. A very good book, highly recommended. Yes, yes, yes.

23:04 Speaker 3 It tells the whole story, from the passing—

23:06 Speaker 1 Yes, yes, how things split. But in the end, all the streams flow to the same place: Chabad Lubavitch under the Rebbe’s leadership. Um—

23:17 Speaker 3 So he was harassed there both by misnagdim and by—

23:19 Speaker 1 Yes, and it wasn’t just harassment. There were denunciations too. And as a rabbi, all kinds of disputes come before you, which makes you enemies. After all, if you rule against someone, whether he thinks you were right or not—once you’ve ruled against him, he wants nothing to do with you.

23:38 Speaker 3 Yes.

23:39 Speaker 1 So add all those things together. Somehow, the rabbi presided over a din Torah, and someone was hurt by the ruling—deeply hurt. Together with several misnagdim, he went and informed on the rabbi, claiming that he was taking on authority the government hadn’t granted him.

23:57 Speaker 3 Mm-hmm.

23:57 Speaker 1 He was ruling on legal cases. The government allowed a rabbi to rule only on specific matters, and here he had taken it upon himself to rule on monetary disputes, things he wasn’t supposed to rule on. Once something like that happens and becomes public, of course it creates a whole uproar. Government officials did come and took away his arbitration license—basically, they took away his livelihood until they could establish what had happened. So his income was gone, and it hadn’t been great to begin with. On top of that, his wife was pregnant, and thank G-d the pregnancy had been progressing, and then something happened. They went to the doctors, and the doctors said there was no chance. The situation was—how do you put it? There was no hope. It was over.

24:51 Speaker 4 According to the natural course of things, there wasn’t going to be a child.

24:53 Speaker 1 Right. Not just that there wouldn’t be a healthy child—the pregnancy wasn’t going to make it to term. And, as they say, troubles upon troubles. One calamity, then another. There were a few other things along the way, too, and... what does he do?

25:09 Speaker 4 He goes to the Rebbe.

25:10 Speaker 1 He goes to the Rebbe, to the Rebbe Maharash. And he’s distraught, of course. His situation was already awful, as they say; even in normal times things weren’t good, and now they were getting worse and worse. He goes to the Rebbe Maharash. He had connections, and he was also a very exceptional rabbi. He truly was a genius, an extraordinary genius. I don’t remember his name. But it’s a famous story, fairly well known. Actually, by hashgachah pratis, I read this story last year. I had always—I’d heard it at a farbrengen and had even seen it in one of the books, but I’d always looked and looked for the source. By hashgachah pratis, last year, when there was something going on, you know, some challenges, I came across the story, and it gave me a great deal of encouragement. Anyway, afterward I tried to find it again and couldn’t. In short, he traveled to the Rebbe Maharash, used his connections, and arranged a yechidus at the first opportunity. As soon as he came before the Rebbe Maharash, he poured out everything on his heart, everything. The Rebbe Maharash listened and listened and listened. Of course, the man was utterly broken; he was pouring out his soul as he spoke, quite literally. After he finished and calmed down a little, the Rebbe Maharash told him, “You only arrived a day or two ago.” This was that same Shabbos—I think he’d arrived on Wednesday or Thursday. “Stay here for Shabbos. Listen to some Chassidus. You’re from across the sea, so review it afterward, and then come to yechidus again.” That was the Rebbe Maharash’s answer to him.

27:02 Speaker 4 Interesting.

27:03 Speaker 1 Yes. Shabbos arrives, and, well, he hasn’t received an answer. He had really thought he would come, get an answer, and immediately go back to help his wife and so on. The Rebbe Maharash told him to stay, so he stayed. And of course, his worries still hadn’t left him. The Rebbe Maharash delivered a maamar, and he listened. He had a good memory, so he knew more or less how to repeat it. After Shabbos, he went in for yechidus with the Rebbe Maharash. The Rebbe Maharash wanted him to repeat the maamar. He could repeat it for other people, but in front of the Rebbe Maharash, he just wasn’t there. His concentration wasn’t at its best. The Rebbe Maharash listened to him and said, “Go back to the beis midrash or somewhere, and come back to me when you know the maamar the way you know how to repeat it at other times.” He hears this—and a chossid is a chossid. He goes back and simply cuts himself off completely from all his thoughts, from everything going on in his life. He’s been given a task now: to learn a maamar and repeat it before the Rebbe Maharash. He sat down. He had a good mind, the ability and the talent. It wasn’t a simple maamar, so it took him a few hours. He learned it properly, and the next day he went in to the Rebbe Maharash and repeated it. The Rebbe Maharash listened, was pleased, and then gave him a blessing. First, he told him, “As for the child, don’t worry. You have nothing to worry about. With Hashem’s help, the pregnancy will end well, with a healthy, whole and strong child. You have nothing to fear. And as for the trial coming up—you’re telling me that your livelihood is slipping away, and now you’re going to court, where even greater troubles could befall you—you have

29:07 Speaker 1 nothing to fear.” The Rebbe told him to go to the capital city, where the trial was supposed to take place. “There’s a chossid there. Consult with him about what to do, and with Hashem’s help, Hakadosh Boruch Hu will help.” He hears this. What does he do? He leaves immediately. I don’t know if it was Moscow, but he goes to the place where the trial was supposed to be held. He didn’t even go home first, because he knew for certain that if the Rebbe Maharash had said everything would be all right, then it would be all right. He wasn’t afraid. He arrives in that city and goes straight to one of the Rebbe Maharash’s chassidim, a friend of his who lived there and had a home. Boruch Hashem, he was well established too. He approaches him and tells him everything that has happened. And of course they sit together, the way chassidim sit together. You know what a good friend is? What’s the definition of a good friend? L’chaim, l’chaim.

29:59 Speaker 5 L’chaim. L’chaim, Baruch.

30:01 Speaker 1 I think the Frierdiker Rebbe brings this. What’s the definition of a good friend?

30:05 Speaker 5 What is a good friend?

30:06 Speaker 1 What is a good friend? A good friend, the Frierdiker Rebbe says, is someone who, when you see him, makes you forget everything—all your troubles, all your worries. Suddenly you’re in another atmosphere.

30:18 Speaker 5 That’s the definition the Rebbe himself gives.

30:21 Speaker 1 That’s the definition of a good friend.

30:21 Speaker 5 Interesting.

30:22 Speaker 1 There’s a certain connection there, and suddenly you’re above the atmosphere, above all the worries, above everything.

30:29 Speaker 5 Do you have friends like that?

30:30 Speaker 1 Huh?

30:30 Speaker 5 Do you have friends like that?

30:32 Speaker 1 Sometimes, you know, you see people you haven’t seen in a long time—yes, a very long time—and suddenly it’s like a flashback to those years of your youth, the days when you had no worries. Not that—you go back—

30:44 Speaker 5 It takes you back.

30:45 Speaker 1 You turn back time, you— it takes you back. But yes, some more than others. Still, that’s a friend. That’s the definition of a good friend.

30:54 Speaker 5 A definition that’s not...

30:55 Speaker 1 An interesting one.

30:56 Speaker 5 Yes.

30:57 Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes. It’s someone you spoke to heart to—when you were together, you were in a different place. Anyway.

31:07 Speaker 5 So they meet there, in the capital city.

31:09 Speaker 1 They meet and sit together, and of course they say l’chaim. That’s the first thing; it lifts their spirits. But afterward, you know, they come back to the matter at hand. There are some problems they need to deal with, namely the trial that’s coming up. So the chossid says to his friend, “Listen, when is your trial supposed to be?” He tells him the date. So he starts to look into it. There was no Google back then; you couldn’t just check these things. But he had connections in jewelry shops, and he knew exactly what was going on there—who the judges were supposed to be, roughly when things were happening, who was who. So he says, “Wait, wait. I know the judge who’s supposed to hear your case. There’s a woman...” Back then milk was delivered, not like today, when you go into a store.

32:05 Speaker 5 And take it.

32:05 Speaker 1 Take it.

32:06 Speaker 5 Buy it.

32:06 Speaker 1 Back then the milk came to you. Not straight from the cow—there were people in between. There was a woman who delivered it to the more prominent people, and she had a certain...

32:19 Speaker 5 Route.

32:19 Speaker 1 Route.

32:19 Speaker 5 That she followed.

32:20 Speaker 1 Yes. Every day she went to the chossid, and on her route she also stopped at the judge’s house. So the chossid says to his friend, “Listen, let’s try speaking to her so she’ll speak to the judge and help him understand what’s going on. You know, if the judge doesn’t know you and hears the other side—especially when they have shrewd, unscrupulous lawyers...”

32:47 Speaker 5 Powerful people.

32:48 Speaker 1 “Powerful, influential people. No one’s going to pay attention to you. You won’t have a case at all. The only thing that might help is if she speaks to his heart a little. She’s coming tomorrow morning; we’ll speak to her and ask her to speak to the judge.” And indeed, when she arrived, they invited her into the house and, how do you say it, poured their hearts out

33:15 Speaker 5 to her.

33:16 Speaker 1 To her. She listened, and what they said really touched her heart. How could people pick on a man like this, crush him, destroy his livelihood, and then want to put him in prison and cause him all kinds of trouble? She heard it, and it spoke to her. She had experienced things like that herself in one way or another, and she said, “Okay, I’ll try my luck. I’ll go to the judge. We talk.”

33:41 Speaker 5 In the morning, when you see him.

33:42 Speaker 1 In the morning, around—well, not over coffee, but over the milk. The judge usually comes downstairs. I don’t know if he comes down for the newspaper, but he definitely comes down for the milk, and we always say good morning and so on.

33:54 Speaker 5 Yes.

33:55 Speaker 1 They exchange a few words. Anyway, she arrives, and she has prepared herself beforehand. She knows she’s speaking to a judge. She needs to move him emotionally. And she really got into the story. She put herself in his place and genuinely felt what he felt. It even brought a tear or two to her eyes as she poured her heart out. The judge sees her crying. “What happened? What’s the matter?” So she tells him the whole story, but she doesn’t say it’s someone she happens to know. She tells him it’s family—a relative who has landed in terrible trouble because of bad people who

34:39 Speaker 5 picked on him.

34:40 Speaker 1 Yes, picked on him. The judge listened, and words that come from the heart enter the heart. They truly reached him. He says, “Okay, when is his trial supposed to be?” She tells him the exact date and time. He says, “Wait, I’m supposed to be sitting on that case. All right, I’ve heard you. Don’t worry.” Her words had reached him. When the time for the trial comes, the other side arrives, of course, fully prepared, with a whole presentation. The judge gives them the impression—he gives them this [unclear]—as if to say, “What are you even doing here? What is this about?” He completely throws them off. They have no idea where this is coming from. The judge hasn’t even heard both sides yet, and already he seems to have chosen one. They’re confused, so they go out to confer. Meanwhile, he hears a few other cases. Toward the end of the day, they still haven’t come back, so he summons them again. They arrive still shaken. They hadn’t prepared for this, hadn’t expected it, hadn’t dreamed there would be such a turnaround. Then the chossid who was there says what he has to say. He makes a better case, because, as the saying goes, words that come from the heart enter the heart—with all due respect to the shrewd lawyers. The doctor—uh, the judge—listens and rules that he is entirely innocent, and everything is settled peacefully. That’s the story. After the trial is over, he receives a telegram. Once his family learned that he was already in the city where the court was, they sent a telegram saying that, boruch Hashem,

36:29 Speaker 5 a baby had been born.

36:29 Speaker 1 A son had been born, alive and well. That’s the story. A very strong, powerful story. Now, what’s the message here?

36:37 Speaker 5 Yes.

36:38 Speaker 1 What’s the message? What’s the idea? I think the point of the story is really what Shabbos Selichos is about. What does the Rebbe Maharash say to that chossid? You’re so caught up in yourself. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re not—but you can’t see things as they are. It’s as though he’s saying: Step outside yourself. Forget about yourself. It’s hard; it isn’t easy. But that’s why Hakadosh Boruch Hu comes to our aid and gives us Shabbos. He says, “I’m making you stop dealing with your usual concerns. I’m going to—”

37:08 Speaker 5 Stop dealing with yourselves.

37:08 Speaker 1 Yes, stop dealing with yourselves. Of course, look, the yetzer is cunning and finds its way in through all sorts of forms. But Hakadosh Boruch Hu, as it were, comes to our aid and tells us, “Friends, it’s Shabbos. Let go, let go.” On Shabbos, you need to farbreng. Shabbos is a time to feel uplifted. He gives us all the tools, especially as chassidim. In Chabad, you sit around the table with friends on Shabbos, and your spirits rise. You hear an idea, a story, something uplifting, someone’s experience that lifts you up right then. It lifts you, lifts you, lifts you. Afterward you can look at yourself again, but now you’re seeing a different person. You’re seeing a different reality. Then you can see things objectively, clearly, in a way that can truly help you grow and take you somewhere entirely different.

37:53 Speaker 5 And not just that kind of self-flagellation.

37:55 Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes. You can be hard on yourself then, but it’s effective.

38:01 Speaker 5 Yes.

38:01 Speaker 1 It works, because at the end of the day it causes you—

38:06 Speaker 5 That’s the whole point.

38:07 Speaker 1 To move forward.

38:08 Speaker 5 That’s the whole idea of Selichos in general, of—

38:11 Speaker 1 That’s the point of Selichos. How do you approach Selichos? You asked—you started by—

38:15 Speaker 5 Yes.

38:16 Speaker 1 You asked me, what is this? What’s all this joy about?

38:19 Speaker 5 Yes, coming in swaying, coming in—

38:21 Speaker 1 Coming in, walking the talk. Yes. What’s this whole business of arriving like that? It really is strange. When I was a bochur, you know, there’s feeling uplifted and then there’s feeling uplifted. You see people walking around like that and think, “What’s going on here?” But that’s the point: get out of yourself. There’s no way around it. Some people, spiritually minded people, ordinary people with certain abilities and gifts, don’t need mashke to lift them out of themselves. Shabbos comes, they hear [unclear] in the sounds of Shabbos. They hear that principle: “Your own affairs are forbidden; the affairs of Heaven are permitted.” They know that Shabbos is entirely for Hashem, and that’s enough for them. They don’t need to say too much l’chaim. But other people—as the generations decline, what can we do? We need to make use of it. It isn’t advisable to use too much, more than is proper. But sitting together—that in itself is uplifting, by the way. Just sitting together, because we’re all caught up in ourselves. Everyone is preoccupied with their own concerns. To be able to sit beside someone and simply see the person in front of you—on a weekday, you don’t see him. Yes, you may have an excellent Shacharis, [unclear], but you do what you need to do and you’re already on to—

39:38 Speaker 5 The next task.

39:39 Speaker 1 The next task.

39:40 Speaker 5 Terrible.

39:40 Speaker 1 On Shabbos, you don’t have that. Exactly.

39:42 Speaker 5 Yes.

39:43 Speaker 1 On Shabbos, you don’t have that. The phone is off; you don’t even have the option. The truth is, it’s not just a question of whether you pick up the phone, whether someone calls or doesn’t call, whether you touch it or don’t touch it. Just knowing there’s a phone you left in the car already makes you anxious: maybe someone’s trying to reach me. If—forget it.

40:04 Speaker 5 Shabbos is l’chaim.

40:05 Speaker 1 No, no. You’re outside that whole atmosphere. So of course you sit together again. That’s Shabbos: sitting together, hearing each other, listening to each other, saying l’chaim together and lifting your spirits a little. That’s the big idea.

40:24 Speaker 5 And then you come to a completely different Rosh Hashanah.

40:26 Speaker 1 Absolutely. Then you can stand before the King without thinking about yourself. Not just technically, because the siddur doesn’t say “Al Cheit.” So technically you haven’t mentioned yourself, but from head to toe you’re still completely preoccupied with yourself. No—because on Shabbos Selichos you lifted yourself up properly. On Shabbos Selichos you sat and listened to someone else; you gave that person your full attention. So naturally, you’re already in a different place. Your starting point is entirely different. What happens then? Rosh Hashanah is entirely different, and [unclear] on Rosh Hashanah. So the whole year comes from a different place, from a different angle. You’ll be floating, floating above the ground.

41:03 Speaker 5 It really is a succession of days that starts now.

41:06 Speaker 1 It’s a build-up. But again, suppose you missed a day. Hakadosh Boruch Hu gives us the ability, the opportunities. There are always catalysts, things that can give you a boost even if you missed something.

41:22 Speaker 5 There’s always another opportunity.

41:23 Speaker 1 There’s always another opportunity, yes. But when you take a shortcut, it isn’t the same. It’s like the cholent we eat on Shabbos—it cooks slowly.

41:33 Speaker 5 It sits.

41:34 Speaker 1 It sits and cooks. The food is different after it’s been on the heat a long time. You know, if you take shortcuts, you may technically be able to eat the meat, but it isn’t the same. Cholent that’s had time to sit is a different cholent. L’chaim.

41:48 Speaker 5 L’chaim.

41:48 Speaker 1 L’chaim.

41:48 Speaker 5 L’chaim.

41:49 Speaker 1 L’chaim.

41:49 Speaker 5 Strength!

41:50 Speaker 1 L’chaim. But again, you’re saying joy isn’t just sitting at a farbrengen. How can you actually reach real joy? Real joy. How do you get there? L’chaim.

42:05 Speaker 5 L’chaim. L’chaim.

42:08 Speaker 1 Really, we’re opening up another subject here, another topic, another farbrengen.

42:12 Speaker 5 It’s all one long farbrengen.

42:14 Speaker 1 All of it. L’chaim. You’re saying we even start this beforehand.

42:21 Speaker 5 Huh?

42:21 Speaker 1 Before Shabbos. Before Shabbos.

42:23 Speaker 5 Yes, we’re already at Selichos.

42:25 Speaker 1 Yes, yes, but it’s...

42:26 Speaker 5 It’s always hard to record the farbrengens beforehand. People tell me, “I’m not in it yet. I’m not there yet.”

42:32 Speaker 1 Talk about it and you’ll get into it.

42:33 Speaker 5 Yes, I’m starting to get into it now.

42:35 Speaker 1 Exactly, exactly. That’s the power of speech. Speaking brings you into the experience. That’s how it works. The Rebbe wanted this; it’s what the Rebbe asked of us. There were many farbrengens about it: how often you tell yourself, “I’m not at that point. I’m not—”

42:52 Speaker 5 Not on that level.

42:53 Speaker 1 “I’m not there. So why should I talk about it? What’s the logic?” People are often afraid to speak about things they know are true and right and so on. “I can read about it somehow, work it through, but speak about it? I’m not there.” Speak about it, and you’ll get there. It will bring you into the atmosphere, bring you into the experience.

43:19 Speaker 5 Yes, speaking draws it down much more deeply into—

43:22 Speaker 1 Yes, precisely because—

43:23 Speaker 5 Just refresh my memory.

43:24 Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes, yes.

43:26 Speaker 5 We started with joy.

43:26 Speaker 1 The soul, the inner life, joy.

43:27 Speaker 5 We said Selichos isn’t just about being together; there’s joy there too. You come to—let me, this is what I remember.

43:35 Speaker 1 What is it?

43:36 Speaker 5 It’s energy, it’s joy.

43:39 Speaker 1 Through the roof.

43:39 Speaker 5 [Unclear]. It’s Simchas Beis Hashoeivah.

43:42 Speaker 1 The energy is through the roof.

43:43 Speaker 5 Yes.

43:43 Speaker 1 Right.

43:44 Speaker 5 Where does joy fit into this whole story of Selichos? All right, we said Selichos means we need to, you know—

43:50 Speaker 1 Rise above myself.

43:51 Speaker 5 Rise above myself, stop looking at myself, and then—

43:53 Speaker 1 Where’s the joy in that?

43:54 Speaker 5 Yes. How does joy enter into all this?

43:57 Speaker 1 So here you get a little into Chassidus—how Chassidus views joy. It’s written in Tanya; we’ll talk about it in a moment. How do you reach genuine joy, joy that isn’t fake?

44:08 Speaker 5 Yes, there’s joy.

44:09 Speaker 1 There’s joy and there’s joy.

44:10 Speaker 5 Ah.

44:11 Speaker 1 Joy that comes from good music.

44:13 Speaker 5 Yes. I listen to something good, and I—

44:15 Speaker 1 Good chocolate. What do I know? Good food. Some good experience I’ve had. That’s an experience; it’s joy, it lifts you a little. Yes, it’s joy, but it doesn’t last long.

44:25 Speaker 5 Yes.

44:26 Speaker 1 I wouldn’t call it fake joy. Say you studied something deep and genuinely enjoyed what you learned.

44:34 Speaker 5 Or achieved some goal.

44:35 Speaker 1 Yes, you achieved some—right. That really is an experience; it’s joy, it lifts your spirits. But there’s something about it, a problem with it. What’s the problem? When the joy is really coming from my own satisfaction, what happens? At the end of the day, your desire for satisfaction knows no bounds.

44:59 Speaker 5 Yes, that’s what you were about to say. You buy this iPhone, and a year later you already need the next iPhone.

45:03 Speaker 1 Exactly. “One who loves money will never be satisfied with money.”

45:05 Speaker 5 Every time...

45:05 Speaker 1 Right.

45:06 Speaker 5 Let’s say—

45:06 Speaker 1 You get excited about it, so you say, “Wait, okay, this excites me.” Now let’s put something else in its place, and what you had before is no longer interesting. You look for another thrill, and another, and another. But more than that, the Alter Rebbe says something very interesting in chapter 27 of Tanya. He completely rules out sadness—no sadness or gloom under any circumstances. He uses very strong words. He says: Where does sadness come from? From someone who doesn’t know his place, someone who thinks too highly of himself.

45:46 Speaker 5 More than—

45:47 Speaker 1 More than he really is. That’s where it comes from. In other words, a person’s ego swells up. That’s the source not only of problems with transgressions; it’s also the source of sadness, dejection, depression. Someone who doesn’t know his place—“Who is wise? One who knows his place”—someone who thinks too highly of himself, is too preoccupied with himself, and forgets his limits.

46:17 Speaker 5 Why? If I’m so full of myself, why does that make me sad?

46:21 Speaker 1 Why does it cause sadness? Why does being preoccupied with yourself make you sad? I found two possible reasons. One is that the moment you’re preoccupied with yourself, who can possibly satisfy you? If you think the world of yourself, someone can give you something that would genuinely excite most people, but it won’t excite you. Why? It excites them, not me. I’m on a different level.

46:47 Speaker 5 Yes.

46:48 Speaker 1 And even if you really get everything you wanted, if all your desires are fulfilled exactly as you hoped, at the end of the day you’ll still think, “I deserve more. I deserve more.” Beforehand, you couldn’t even have said that—you hadn’t dreamed of it yet. But once you see that you set yourself a goal and achieved it, now the sky’s the limit. Nothing will satisfy you anymore.

47:17 Speaker 5 Yes.

47:18 Speaker 1 Now it’ll be much harder to please yourself. It’ll be much harder for you to feel satisfied.

47:25 Speaker 5 Yes. Joy from things—from external things, or things that are...

47:30 Speaker 1 Joy from external things—even from achievements—

47:34 Speaker 5 Yes.

47:34 Speaker 1 Like, uh—

47:36 Speaker 5 I set myself a particular goal and achieved it.

47:38 Speaker 1 You set a goal—

47:39 Speaker 5 Isn’t that real joy?

47:40 Speaker 1 But when it’s based on ego, on my satisfaction and my successes, the question in the end is: Why are you happy you got there? Did you give something to someone, or did you achieve something—did you do charity? You challenged yourself with something genuinely difficult, something you initially never dreamed you could do, and you succeeded. Why are you happy at the end of the day? Are you happy because, with Hashem’s help, you helped this institution grow and bring in more students—because you helped other people? Or because you proved to yourself that you could do it?

48:17 Speaker 5 I think proving it to yourself is the stronger feeling.

48:19 Speaker 1 What’s that?

48:20 Speaker 5 The self-validation is stronger than the—

48:22 Speaker 1 Exactly, exactly. So what happens when it’s about proving yourself? Once you direct it toward that, you think, “Okay, so I’m capable of this. What’s the next thrill?”

48:34 Speaker 5 Yes.

48:35 Speaker 1 You go through a period of euphoria. It lasts a little while, maybe a week, and then it passes. Now you start looking, as they say, for the next thing that’s going to excite you. By the way, that’s—

48:49 Speaker 5 It’s a loop.

48:50 Speaker 1 That’s what often happens to stars.

48:55 Speaker 5 Mm-hmm.

48:55 Speaker 1 What happens to stars?

48:57 Speaker 5 Famous people.

48:57 Speaker 1 Stars, yes. People who reach the very top. That often happens to them. In the end, they break down. Their success destroys them.

49:09 Speaker 5 Yes.

49:10 Speaker 1 They reach the top, and then they’re constantly trying to hold on to it and go even higher, but it doesn’t happen. You can’t. There’s a certain maximum height you can reach.

49:20 Speaker 5 Yes.

49:20 Speaker 1 They’ve experienced an extraordinary sense of fulfillment, a feeling that they’re capable of so much, and suddenly they’re told they’re not. They no longer have the same audience listening; they no longer have the influence they once had. So even if what comes afterward would count as success for someone else, they’re devastated. Every later success feels like a failure, and it destroys them. And then, Hashem protect us, as you know—

49:47 Speaker 5 They fall into bad places, yes.

49:48 Speaker 1 They fall into very bad places. Yes, yes, that’s what happens.

49:51 Speaker 5 Ah.

49:51 Speaker 1 Success destroys them.

49:52 Speaker 5 So we need to know how to stop.

49:54 Speaker 1 Why? Because that’s what happens when you’re focused on yourself. If your satisfaction in success is “I succeeded”—which is human nature—but you keep going down that path, it will destroy you.

50:07 Speaker 5 Mm-hmm.

50:07 Speaker 1 It will destroy you. What does Chassidus teach? Keep going, do what you need to do, but watch where your thoughts are. That’s a little difficult. It’s a real challenge, because, again, nobody knows what’s going on in your mind. But when you see your success and you think not about yourself, your satisfaction, or what you achieved, but about another Jew who was helped through you—that’s what moves you. What others are experiencing is what excites you. You’re not the story; they are. Then you’ll see that not only will one success not lead you to—

50:42 Speaker 5 Depression and—

50:43 Speaker 1 On the contrary, it lifts you up. It gives you drive to achieve more and more. And when you’re really looking at the other person, you understand that the story isn’t about quantity; it’s about quality.

50:54 Speaker 5 Then I can feel joy, and that can be real joy.

50:58 Speaker 1 Of course, of course, of course. That’s in general. More specifically, real joy comes when a person puts himself aside. Just think about that—it’s amazing.

51:13 Speaker 5 It’s a bit paradoxical. You want to be happy? Put yourself aside.

51:16 Speaker 1 Right.

51:17 Speaker 5 I think I saw that in a maamar you gave me to read.

51:20 Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes.

51:22 Speaker 5 Yes. A really beautiful, long maamar. You gave me “Eich Hanes Hisnoses” to read. It says there that Avraham Avinu said, “I am dust and ashes.” He set himself aside, and he reached the point where he became Avraham—“the father of many nations.” Because you think, if I put myself aside, then I... I once asked my father, “If I keep practicing bittul, setting myself aside, then I have nothing. I’m nothing; I just disappear.” But it’s precisely when you put yourself aside that you—

51:51 Speaker 1 Then you—

51:52 Speaker 5 You know, then you’re truly full, not filled with things that, as you said, pull you into that kind of loop.

51:58 Speaker 1 You know the saying: the greater the expectations, the greater the disappointment.

52:03 Speaker 5 Yes.

52:04 Speaker 1 That’s really the point. When you lower your expectations—how do you do that? If I think so highly of myself, how can I lower my expectations in the first place? I raise them to the highest possible level. But when you put yourself aside, your expectations sort of... There’s a famous story about Reb Zusha of Anipoli. A very powerful, very moving story. Reb Zusha... L’chaim. L’chaim.

52:26 Speaker 5 L’chaim and good spirits.

52:27 Speaker 1 Have a little mezonos, too.

52:32 Speaker 5 Let’s see what mezonos we have.

52:34 Speaker 1 Might as well.

52:37 Speaker 5 Good, let’s see.

52:37 Speaker 1 So, Reb Zusha was a man beset by suffering. He went through just about everything imaginable materially, and his life was far from easy. But he was always happy, always happy. In Anipoli at that same time, there was a Jewish dayan who had standing, a position, a very prominent place in the community. He was also very wealthy and blessed with an exceptional family. Everything was perfect—more than perfect.

53:17 Speaker 5 It all came to him in bunches, as they say.

53:18 Speaker 1 What?

53:18 Speaker 5 Good things—

53:19 Speaker 1 Yes, it all came in bunches. Things come in bunches, and good things come in bunches too. It’s a package—a package deal. Well, not a package deal exactly, but yes, it comes in large amounts.

53:27 Speaker 5 In large amounts, yes.

53:29 Speaker 1 In short, that dayan—thank G-d, everything had worked out for him. Everything in his life was fine. But one thing bothered him: How is it that I have everything but no joy, while Reb Zusha has nothing but does have joy? It really troubled him. He couldn’t understand it. What was going on? The days passed, and instead of eating himself up over it, he said, “Let’s go to Reb Zusha and ask him. What’s the secret? How does he do it?” He arrived alone, without his entourage, attendants, or assistants, at an odd hour, and knocked on the door. Reb Zusha opened it. “What are you doing in my home? Such a great and important man!” “Never mind all that. I have a question that’s been bothering me for a long time, and I need an answer.” So Reb Zusha invited him in. The house was falling apart; it was hardly a pleasant place to sit. But the dayan wasn’t thinking about the house. He was thinking about the question that had disturbed his peace for so long. Sitting across from Reb Zusha, he put it plainly: “How is it that I have everything but no joy, while you—I know what your life is like, everyone knows—and yet you have joy? How? How do you do it?” Reb Zusha said, “Since you’re asking, I’ll answer you. But I’ll give you an example to help you understand. Something happened not long ago. A wealthy man in our community held an event—I think it was a wedding—and he invited me. He invited

55:20 Speaker 1 you too. But I noticed that you arrived at the wedding in a terrible mood. You looked miserable. I arrived feeling happy and delighted. Can you tell me what happened? Why were you so miserable?” The dayan said, “Well, now you’ve reminded me how—”

55:44 Speaker 5 That dayan says to him—

55:45 Speaker 1 “You’re putting your finger on a sore spot. But since you asked, I’ll tell you. That wealthy man has some nerve! He has no respect for others. He doesn’t know how to appreciate people. Let’s start with the invitation. How did he invite me? Instead of coming himself, as you should when inviting someone like me, he sent some messenger with an invitation. When I saw it, I was completely disappointed. I hadn’t expected an invitation like that. I told myself I wasn’t going—no way. The days passed, and when the wedding came around, my wife said, ‘Listen, the whole town will be there. You can’t be the one person who isn’t.’

56:28 Speaker 5 “You have to go.”

56:29 Speaker 1 “I had to go. So I arrived. Now do you understand why I looked the way I did? But it got worse. I thought, all right, he was busy inviting everyone. Maybe he couldn’t go to every house. He’s hosting an event, he’s a wealthy man, and he has a lot on his mind. Fine, I’ll forgive him. But when I appear, he’ll make up for it. He’ll see me, drop everything, rush over to greet me warmly, and seat me where I belong—in the mizrach. Not just anywhere in the mizrach, but in the proper place there. What actually happened? Gornisht—nothing. Well, not exactly nothing. He did see me. He was in the middle of a conversation, so he finished it, gave the people he was speaking with their due respect, and only then turned to me. He greeted me warmly and seated me in the mizrach—but not in the place I’d expected him to seat me. Still, I thought, perhaps he’s simply busy—

57:41 Speaker 5 “Busy.”

57:42 Speaker 1 “Busy. But it bothered me. So there you have it.

57:47 Speaker 5 “You understand why I looked the way I did, right?”

57:49 Speaker 1 Reb Zusha told him, “I understand very well. In fact, I understood from the start. But do you know what happened with me? Why was I joyful throughout the event? When the messenger brought me the wedding invitation, I thought, ‘The wealthy man of the town is inviting me? Who am I? Gornisht—nobody. This busy man, occupied with so many matters and so many people, is turning to me and asking me to come!’ I saw that invitation and was overjoyed. Of course, I looked forward to the day. When I arrived, I told myself, ‘I’m nobody. I’ll sit with the poor people, with everyone else. I’ll find a chair there.’ So I sat down. And what happened? I don’t know why, but for some reason the wealthy man saw me, immediately left everything, came over, brought me up from there, and seated me somewhere else. I was completely surprised! Now do you understand? And it just kept getting better and better.” That was the story. What’s the point? Again, Reb Zusha truly didn’t think highly of himself. It wasn’t an act; it was genuine. So everything anyone did for him, anything that came his way, was a surprise. It was wonderful. You, on the other hand, were preoccupied with yourself the whole time, so everything they did felt like no more than what you expected and deserved. That’s the story. That’s the secret of joy. If you ask what joy is: a person experiences true joy when he has no expectations—not because he regards the event as something ordinary and therefore expects little from it, but because he regards himself as an ordinary person. And that’s [unclear], that’s [unclear]. Not

59:30 Speaker 1 just that. When you think you’re a nobody, anything that comes your way makes you feel incredibly happy. That’s true joy. That’s how they explain this point in Chassidus. I heard a beautiful, powerful analogy that makes the same point from a slightly different angle. They tell of someone who... L’chaim, l’chaim, l’chaim.

59:59 Speaker 5 L’chaim.

59:59 Speaker 1 Here it’s outwardly obvious: the man is constantly preoccupied with himself, with his pride, his standing, his image. But there’s a similar story. There was a distinguished professor who once gave a lecture on—he was a professor who understood the systems of the human body. The human body is—I once saw a book titled “The Incredible Machine.” That was the title, referring to the human body. And truly, the human body is something—

1:00:37 Speaker 6 Unbelievable.

1:00:38 Speaker 1 Extraordinary. And it’s not just the body as a whole. Take any single part of the human body and you see, “How manifold are Your works.” You don’t need to travel to distant, remote places to say, “Wow, how manifold are Your works, Hashem.”

1:00:48 Speaker 6 [unclear]

1:00:49 Speaker 1 What you need here is G-dliness. Look deeply within. Look at how it works—how your finger works, how the tendons work, how each particular system works. It’s extraordinary. In short, this doctor gave a lecture on the ankle. He explained how complex it is, how it’s made up of so many details and variations. The tendons, the whole system there—it all involves so many details, and details within details within details—

1:01:21 Speaker 6 That have to work in a very—

1:01:22 Speaker 1 And everything has to work, yes, in a... what’s the word? Coordinated way.

1:01:26 Speaker 6 Synchronization.

1:01:27 Speaker 1 Without anything getting tangled up—everything coordinated. And that’s without even talking about the brain, with its millions, even billions, of cells. How does that all work together? But all right, the ankle. In short, he gave a lecture lasting an hour and a half. It was fascinating. The students were completely absorbed. After he finished, he left the room and began to think about it, to reflect a little. You know, as we said earlier, when you speak about something, you begin to experience it, to feel it.

1:01:55 Speaker 6 To think about it.

1:01:55 Speaker 1 To think about it a little more seriously, a little more genuinely. So he tried to enter more deeply into what he’d covered in his lecture on the ankle.

1:02:03 Speaker 6 What he’d taught them.

1:02:04 Speaker 1 He tried to experience what he’d been talking about. “Wait a moment—I have that ankle. What we saw in the presentations, I have it. Everyone has it. True, it’s a little different from one person to another, but in general each of us has one.” So he tried to experience it, to feel all those details and all that complexity. And what happened as a result?

1:02:21 Speaker 6 Something unrelated to that.

1:02:22 Speaker 1 He noticed that suddenly he couldn’t move his leg. It wasn’t just difficult—he couldn’t make his leg move at all. He panicked. He had no idea what had happened to him. Suddenly he couldn’t do it. The more he focused on it, the more he tried to take a step, and he couldn’t. What happened? This went on for a while, until he got a phone call from his wife. What happened the moment she called? He ran.

1:02:53 Speaker 6 He started running.

1:02:53 Speaker 1 He started running. But what’s the point? His wife took his mind off himself, off his leg. When he stopped thinking about his leg, he started running. When you stop thinking about yourself, about all the complications, everything flows. So this isn’t exactly about joy here, but the truth is that joy and vitality go together.

1:03:16 Speaker 6 Yes.

1:03:16 Speaker 1 To feel alive, to avoid getting caught up in little things, in trivialities—and this applies to life too. We all have certain things we like, certain things we like less. If you’re busy feeling yourself, your presence, your experience—that’s what all the advertisements offer you: buy this product, and then you’ll feel—

1:03:38 Speaker 6 This or that.

1:03:38 Speaker 1 And you’ll have an experience, and then you’ll be somebody. What happens as a result? You get stuck. Maybe you feel something for a moment, but afterward you’re stuck. It damages your reality, your life, your joy. It takes those things away from you. Let go. So that drink helped him let go. Yes, a little drink can do that, but again, too much is dangerous. When you do it together with friends, though, “Great is a sip that brings people closer.” You’re not just talking; you’re trying to listen to the other person too, and you’re trying to share the experience. You step outside yourself to experience it. You listen, you’re there with him, you step outside yourself. That’s the great story of a farbrengen: stepping outside ourselves. That’s really it. By the way, there’s that famous account the Alter Rebbe brings: a note fell from Heaven. Yes, a note fell from Heaven, you hear? What a chassidic farbrengen can accomplish—

1:04:34 Speaker 7 Even an angel—

1:04:35 Speaker 1 Even the angel Michael cannot accomplish. The angel Michael, the great advocate of the Jewish people, cannot accomplish what a chassidic farbrengen can. What’s special about a chassidic farbrengen?

1:04:44 Speaker 7 Yes, why is that, really?

1:04:47 Speaker 1 You sit with someone. What do you do at a farbrengen? You sit with someone, you think about what he needs, and you bless him with all your heart that he should have—

1:04:54 Speaker 7 You bless him that things should go well for him.

1:04:55 Speaker 1 You say l’chaim, you drink—you let the alcohol enter your bloodstream. For what? For him. So that things should go well for him, so that he should have blessings and success, a good and sweet year. And you do it with all your heart. That’s a chassidic farbrengen. When you do it that way, there’s nothing greater. What does the angel Michael do? He gathers up our merits and presents us in this light and that light, in a better, more wonderful way. But he’s limited. He’s a finite created being. How far can he reach? When you step outside yourself, you connect to the Infinite.

1:05:27 Speaker 7 To the Infinite.

1:05:27 Speaker 1 To the Infinite. A chassidic farbrengen connects us to the Infinite, and that’s really the story of Shabbos Selichos.

1:05:33 Speaker 7 Yes, powerful.

1:05:35 Speaker 1 Besides making use of this special power—of what a farbrengen, what Chassidus, can accomplish—there’s this uplift, this connection to the Infinite, this stepping outside ourselves and consequently seeing the other person. To see the other person, you begin to see—really, once you’ve stepped outside yourself, you suddenly begin to see something else. And if you can see the other person, you can begin to see Hakadosh Boruch Hu as well.

1:05:55 Speaker 7 Selichos is different. Rosh Hashanah is different.

1:05:58 Speaker 1 Life is different. Life is different.

1:06:01 Speaker 7 Absolutely. That’s interesting. L’chaim.

1:06:05 Speaker 1 May it truly be a good and sweet year.

1:06:06 Speaker 7 Amen.

1:06:06 Speaker 1 A sweet year, a sweet, blessed year. L’chaim to everyone, to all the Jewish people.

1:06:11 Speaker 7 Amen. I’ll tell a story to finish. I met a young married man whom we both know. He had just married off a daughter, and he told me that usually the groom studies the wedding discourses—maamarim of the Rebbe connected with the wedding. But he made a commitment: he finished studying all the wedding discourses of the Mitteler Rebbe, I think. He sat and studied them in depth for hours.

1:06:37 Speaker 1 [unclear]

1:06:38 Speaker 7 Yes, that’s what he told me. And I said to him, “You know, not everyone does that. When people marry off a child nowadays, they’re busy figuring out how to pay for the hall, how to get everything they need, how they’re going to manage the wedding, how they’ll handle the event. It’s wonderful that you took this on and started learning.” He said, “I stood there under the chuppah, and everything was different for me. I wasn’t running through checks in my head or thinking about how much I still had to pay. The wedding was different, the joy, the Sheva Brachos—everything was completely different.” So I think—

1:07:04 Speaker 1 I think I was at that same wedding too.

1:07:06 Speaker 7 Yes.

1:07:06 Speaker 1 It really was captivating. Seeing the groom—he looked like a groom, but he was the bride’s father. Yes, yes, he was somewhere else, in a different atmosphere. He really was in a different place. But that’s the secret. He wasn’t thinking about himself. He wasn’t preoccupied with what he needed, with his obligations—as you were saying.

1:07:23 Speaker 7 Exactly. Do you have the strength?

1:07:25 Speaker 1 L’chaim, l’chaim, l’chaim.

1:07:26 Speaker 7 L’chaim, l’chaim, yes.

1:07:27 Speaker 1 One more little drop, so we can really say it.

1:07:30 Speaker 7 So we can bless the participants—the bride and groom.

1:07:32 Speaker 1 L’chaim, l’chaim! May it be a good and sweet year. A good, blessed, sweet year for us and for all the Jewish people.

1:07:38 Speaker 7 Amen.

1:07:39 Speaker 1 I said this earlier, and I want to emphasize it again. We said that Shabbos itself uplifts us. On Shabbos Selichos, you know you have to step outside yourself; you have no choice. On an ordinary Shabbos, Hashem says, well, you know, it’s another Shabbos.

1:07:56 Speaker 7 Yes.

1:07:56 Speaker 1 But this Shabbos, if you don’t step outside yourself, what will happen? Selichos won’t be Selichos, and then Rosh Hashanah won’t be the same, and that carries through to everything.

1:08:05 Speaker 7 A snowball effect.

1:08:05 Speaker 1 Yes, a snowball effect. It’s true there are other options, but those are only after the fact.

1:08:11 Speaker 7 Now is the time.

1:08:11 Speaker 1 Now is the time. And there’s something more: this Shabbos is the culmination of this week. What happened this week? Chai Elul—the life of Elul, right? The day that brought life to the whole schedule of Elul was this day, and on Shabbos it reaches another level. When you think about it, you say, wow—even before Shabbos Selichos, we’re still under the impression of Chai Elul. And more than that, you have the Shabbos that brings Chai Elul to its culmination. Add to that the fact that this Shabbos already contains the [unclear] of Rosh Hashanah. Those two things together are already a win-win. They’re enough to carry you away. Add Shabbos Selichos to that, and this year opens with a Shabbos like this. With Hashem’s help, may this truly be the sweetest year we’ve ever had, a year blessed materially and spiritually—

1:09:02 Speaker 7 With Hashem’s help.

1:09:02 Speaker 1 For every one of us. And most importantly, after a Shabbos like this, our expectation is Moshiach now, immediately! Good news, blessings and success. Thank you so much.

1:09:13 Speaker 7 Thank you, Rabbi Chanoch Rosenfeld. Thank you very much.