Why the Rebbe Maharash Didn’t Attend His Son’s Wedding

Welcome to our weekly Mivtza Shabbos program.

This coming week, my wife and I have two weddings of our grandchildren in one week. Our [unclear]'s parents are very successful people in Florida, and also my [unclear] Shapiro — my son's [unclear] — is a very successful [unclear]. And we are now in the month of Adar — Mishenichnas Adar Marbim [b'Simcha].

So, some thoughts, lessons, and ideas that I heard from my father-in-law, Rabbi Mindel, about marriage, and a story about... Since next week is Purim, I want to begin with a vort.

The vort I heard from Rabbi Mindel: Some say that Esther and Mordechai were married, husband and wife. We know that Zeresh and Haman were husband and wife. What's the difference between a Yiddishe marriage and a goyishe marriage?

Esther, in gematria: Alef is one, Samech is six, Tav is four, Reish is two — adds up to 13. That's Esther.

Mordechai: Mem is four, Reish is two, Daled is four, Chaf is two, Yud is one — also adds up to 13.

13 plus 13 is 26 — that's the gematria of the Shem Havaye.

Haman: Hei is five, Mem is four, Nun is five — that's 14.

Zeresh: Zayin is seven, Reish is two, Shin is three — that's 12.

14 and 12 also add up to 26 — the same — but the difference is: by Esther and Mordechai it's equal, 13 and 13. By husband and wife, they have to be equal. By Haman and Zeresh, it's not equal. And that's one of the reasons we have a mezuzah on a slant — to show that a Jewish home is built on compromise.

Purim is a time to strengthen the emunah that Mashiach will come. [unclear] — the innocent one — that was by miracle; they put a harsh decree, it was not willingly, but she was put [unclear]. [unclear] makes the bond stronger, and this strengthens our [unclear] — that's the lesson, because it's all done with love.

Talking about love, I want to share with you something that somebody wrote to the Rebbe. You know, the Rebbe gets all these letters — different answers to everybody, from children, from plain people — and the Rebbe answers.

He wrote to the Rebbe, he says: "I love G-d, I have a Hashem, and I have a wife [?] — I love her — and I love my children." But, he says, he needs [unclear] for that — that's something he needs [unclear] for.

Anyways, it reminds me — somebody once told the Rebbe that he heard that folding a tallis on Shabbos is a segulah for shalom bayis. So the Rebbe told him: when you help your wife wash the dishes motzei Shabbos, that's a bigger segulah for shalom bayis. That's another thing. Okay, anyways, let's go back to what the Rebbe says.

So the Rebbe answers him — I'm quoting the whole answer. There are four types of love. There's a love between husband and wife — that's one madreigah. Then there's a love between two friends — that's another madreigah. Then there's a love between a parent and a child. And then there's a love [between man and G-d] — and, he says, you won't find the word [unclear] — because I looked it up — the parsha, let's say, in the beginning, it talks about the love between a parent and a child.

That's when, later on, it says, "and he brought her to the tent, and he loved her" — that's between a husband and wife. Then it says [again] about a love between a parent and a child. It says a love between husband and wife, then it says a love between a parent and a child. But love [of G-d] is not mentioned yet — these are all between a husband and wife and between a parent and a child. Later on, that's between friends — love, comfort — it's still not mentioned all the way to [love of Hashem].

So the Rebbe put it [this way]: it seems from this letter, you say you love Hashem, but you don't have — if you don't have that, there's a whole question about your [love of Hashem]. That's the last thing; the first thing has to be this. This is what [he] answered.

It reminds me — I was in Long Beach, in Long Island, and I was very close to a Reform rabbi. He's a very nice person, but he was Reform, unfortunately. So he always used to tell me that a boy can kiss a girl, because it says so — you see a boy kiss a girl — finished.

So I told him: first of all, why don't you finish [the verse]? Did you ever see — a boy kisses a girl and starts crying? And Rashi says why did he cry — because he saw that he wouldn't be buried with her. That's why he cried — he wouldn't be buried with her. So that's not what you mean, that "a boy kisses a girl." Another thing I told him — this is my own [thought] — I said, "You know why Yaakov cried? Why did he cry? Because he saw that there would come a time, before Mashiach, that a person like you would say that a boy can kiss a girl because Yaakov kissed her." That's why he cried.

He didn't like what I told him. But I made up with him anyways. So this is what I wanted to share with you.

Now I want to [tell] a story about the Rebbe Rashab and the Rebbe Maharash — not everybody knows this, but it's written.

Talking about the wedding, I'll tell you — in Lubavitch was the [unclear] of the [Rebbe Rashab], and the [wedding] was [supposed to be] on Friday, and a few days later [unclear] was established.

Yud-Alef [?] was the [unclear] of the Rebbe Rashab. The [wedding] was [unclear] — it was in a city named Avor [?], and he got married not Friday but motzei Shabbos. Years ago, many people got married on Friday — it was like today's weddings — they had a minyan, and the seudas Shabbos was the meal of the [wedding]. People would save a lot of money if they would do it that way nowadays, not spend too much money. People spend for one night, for one or two hours — it doesn't make sense, but that's the way it is.

Why was it in Lubavitch? Because the father-in-law of the Rebbe Rashab was the brother of [unclear], a son of [unclear]. [He] said that [the wedding] should be where the kallah lives. So [the father-in-law] lived in [unclear], so the [wedding] was not in Lubavitch. The Maharash was not at the Rebbe Rashab's [wedding] — the father-in-law was there, but not the Maharash.

Why didn't the Rebbe Maharash come to his son's [wedding]? Because of two reasons. Number one, he wasn't well. The Maharash wasn't well his entire life — he was sick. And number two, [unclear] — when he was four years old he wrote down that [unclear] will be — when he was four years old, in [unclear].

So, since [the wedding] was not in Lubavitch — but at least if it had been in Lubavitch it would be okay, it has a [unclear] — but not, it has no [unclear]. So the Rebbe Maharash did not want to come to his son's [wedding].

Nevertheless, the Maharash [unclear] 32 that week, and [people] came from all over the world that week to the [wedding], and that night, even though [the Maharash] wasn't there, nevertheless it was a very freilach night for the Maharash [household].

Before [the Rebbe Rashab] went to the chuppah, the Maharash made three conditions with him, and only he and the [attendant/meshares?] were allowed to know it — even Rabbi [?] didn't know the conditions. What were the conditions?

Number one, he should not wear a shtreimel. [unclear: "this is a holy... not divorced, don't worry."] Number two, right after the chuppah he should leave and come to Lubavitch. And number three, he should not give out shirayim.

It used to be a custom to give out shirayim — leftover [fish] — it was a big [thing]; they still have it until today, they give [it out], but we don't have that — it's very important, but it's not [done here].

So, a shtreimel was only worn in Lubavitch — even when the Rebbe Rashab was out of town, when he went on vacation, he didn't wear [one]; he wore [one] only in Lubavitch, not anywhere else. I don't know — there's something about his [shtreimel]. By the way, [the Rebbe] once told somebody [that] Shabbos is [an abbreviation] — even though he doesn't wear [a shtreimel], but [he wears] his [regular hat] instead.

Now, before [unclear], before they went, they brought a present for the kallah, and the Rebbe Maharash wanted to open the box, and the Rebbe Rashab opened the box. What was the present? The present was a hat. And in the hat there was a feather. So the Rebbe Maharash quickly grabbed the feather off and threw it away — he didn't want [him] to wear a feather.

Now, why was the [wedding] not on Friday? Because on Friday, the Rebbe Rashab's father-in-law, Yosef [?], put a shtreimel on him, because he didn't know that the Rebbe Maharash had told him not to wear a shtreimel. So he put a shtreimel on him, and the Rebbe Rashab took it off, because the Maharash had told him not to put it on. Then he tried again. So the attendant, who knew [the condition], pulled it off his head and ran away with it.

So Rebbetzin Sarifka [?] was watching — she didn't know [what was happening] — [she thought,] "Something is disturbing — what's happening here?" There was a whole commotion. Therefore they postponed the wedding from Friday and made it for motzei Shabbos.

Interesting.

Now, when they came to Lubavitch after the chuppah, Azo [?], who was the brother of [unclear], said that he saw the Rebbe Maharash at the [wedding] of the Rebbe Rashab dancing so much, and the Rebbe Maharash said, in Yiddish: "Look the way we are happy — when the Jews are going to dance in the streets, [Mashiach] will come the same way as now" — a big [thing].

And [the Rebbe] writes here that [a wedding] is so important, even the [unclear] come down [from Above when] two people get together — it's a big thing. [Someone] once said that [marriage] is such a holy, such an important thing, that it's a pity it was given over to the hands of children [the young].

But how else can families grow, if not [through] the young?

Anyways, my father-in-law explained why the Maharash danced so much: because when you dance, the entire body dances — there's a head, and there are feet. The head is called [kabad, ?], and the feet are called emunah. The feet carry the entire body. The emunah should carry the head, the entire body, the whole life.

And that's why the Rebbe says that when a person learns [Torah], that brings them [to a place where] [unclear] and [emunah] work together. Anyways — I wanted to mention, since my [grandchildren's weddings are] this week — when a person builds a building, the foundation is the most important. If the foundation is strong, then the whole building will always be [standing].

Next week we'll continue our weekly program. Thank you.