Rabbi Hodakov’s Clever Tactic That Worked Wonders

The Story of Chabad in America Through the Mindel Archives — Episode 11

Welcome to our weekly program, The Story of Chabad in America Through the Mindel Archives. This program is concerning chinuch. Now, when we get to chinuch, there's a lot to speak about, but I'm going to base it on one letter of the Rebbe. This is a letter that I found from the early years, that the Rebbe wrote to mechanchim, educators, and this is the Rebbe's letter in full, with hagahos — notations — throughout the entire letter. This is the original.

The Rebbe writes here that even at a time when the talmidim are not learning, after school hours, the mechanchim — the teachers, the principals — should know exactly what is going on; there shouldn't be any masiach da'as from their talmidim, even when they're not in yeshiva. And especially, he says here — very important — when it comes to the summertime, when the children are away, perhaps in another city, the mechanchim should know exactly where the children are, and they should always make it a point to call every week to find out how the children are, how the students are doing. This is a real baal mechanech.

Now, if we follow what the Rebbe writes about chinuch bichlal — and we'll get to that in other programs — and what the Frierdiker Rebbe wrote, and how much Rabbi Hodakov spoke about chinuch, I don't think that we would need chinuch conventions, we need all these extra things. We simply follow what the Rebbe tells us, the mechanchim should follow what the Rebbe tells us, and then we wouldn't have a problem with the children.

Here I want to share with you a letter — a letter from a rabbi, and this rabbi was in Chicago years ago, and he asked the Rebbe two questions. The first question was: he speaks at Rosh Hashanah, he gives a speech on Shabbos — he has a hundred and thirty-five people in shul — and he wants to know whether he should speak before Krias HaTorah or after Krias HaTorah. So the Rebbe answered him that his father-in-law, the Frierdiker Rebbe, spoke after Krias HaTorah, and this is a hora'ah, because Torah Shebiksav comes before Torah Shebaal Peh — the Torah reading is Torah Shebiksav, and his speech is Torah Shebaal Peh.

The next question he asked: "When I learn with people, I learn the Daf Yomi, so I know what I'm doing — I take a gemara and I learn it, I know what I'm doing. I have a class for ladies on Monday night, and I teach them a certain subject. But when I speak on Shabbos Rosh Hashanah, what should be my theme? What should I speak about? Should it be about the stories of tzaddikim? Should it be, as he writes, the parshas hashavua? Should I speak mussar? Should I speak chassidus? What should be my inyan?" That's what he asked the Rebbe.

The Rebbe answered him: you speak whatever you want. You can speak the parshas hashavua, you can speak about mussar, chassidus — but one thing, it has to come from your heart. If you mean what you're saying, and if you are a dugma chaya, then the people are going to hear what you have to say. And the Rebbe says — this is an English letter — when the father comes home after davening, and they sit down at the table with the mishpacha, and the father repeats what you said, and the family lives with this drosha, the children live with this drosha all week — that's all it needs. It has to be yotzei min halev.

And here I want to share with you a personal story with Rabbi Hodakov. Years ago I taught in yeshiva in the morning, and in the afternoon I taught in a Talmud Torah in Queens. These were public school children, three times a week, an hour and a half each time, and they came to the Hebrew school. They knew nothing about Yiddishkeit. So I taught them what Shabbos is, what kashrus means, what a mezuzah is, hadlokas neiros, and different things, and they got to know certain things.

A mother comes over to me and says, "Rabbi, very nice — I know you're a good teacher," she tells me, "but I don't like the idea that my child tells me I should change my dishes, or that my child tells me I should light candles. I send him to Hebrew school only to learn Jewish history, or for Bar Mitzvah — I send my daughter for Bat Mitzvah — but not to be told what I should do. That's not why I send them. I'll have to take him out."

When I heard that, I went to Rabbi Mindel and I told him. So he says to me, "Go to Rabbi Hodakov." He was the principal — the word par excellence, I remember. "Tell him this and ask him what he says about it."

I went to Rabbi Hodakov and I told him. He thinks for a moment, and he says to me, "Why do you have to speak about Shabbos? Why do you have to speak about kashrus? Why do you have to speak about Yom Tov, and so on, and mezuzah?" So I said, "So what should I teach them?" He says to me, "There are other things in Shulchan Aruch. The first thing in Shulchan Aruch is about cleanliness — speak to them about cleanliness, it's also in Shulchan Aruch. Speak to them about derech eretz, it's also in Shulchan Aruch. Speak to them about kibud av va'em, how to respect the parents, it's also in Shulchan Aruch. Speak to them about these things, and then," he said, "when you speak to them about derech eretz and kibud av va'em, and the child comes home, and the parents see that he has kibud av va'em, and he has derech eretz — not from public school, but from the Hebrew school — then you can talk about whatever you want. You can speak about Shabbos, you can speak about mezuzah, anything you want."

And kach hava — that particular child happens to live now in Eretz Yisroel, he's married, he's frum, and his mother is frum. This is a baal mechanech, because he knew exactly how to deal with these things.

Then he told me something very interesting — I still remember. He said: the Torah says, "Kabed es avicha v'es imecha" — honor your parents. It doesn't only mean that a child has to honor the parents. Kabed es avicha v'es imecha — honor the father that is within you, honor the mother that is within you. If you're a father, honor the father in you — be a dugma chaya, a living example — not only when you have to reprimand your child, he tells me. You have to honor the father in you when he goes to sleep — he's a father. When you wake up, you're a father. When you go on the bus, you're a father. When you go shopping, you're a father. When you go to shul, you're a father. When you go to a simcha, you're a father. Then, then you won't have a problem. Honor the father.

And the same is true about the mechanech. Honor chinuch. You're a baal mechanech not only when you're in a classroom — you're a baal mechanech twenty-four hours a day, wherever you are. When you go on vacation, you are a baal mechanech. When you're in shul, you are a baal mechanech. Then you won't have problems with the children.

And he told me then — that's why it's called Pirkei Avos. Why isn't it called Pirkei Chassidus, he says? Why isn't it called Pirkei Mussar? Pirkei Avos — this is directed at parents. If parents are the way they should be, then they won't have problems with the children. Parents have to be a dugma chaya.

This reminds me — my father once told me a story: a father gave his son a patsh, a slap, because the boy didn't answer "Amen, yehei shmei raba." So somebody said to the father, "If you would answer 'Amen, yehei shmei raba,' and if your son would see you do it, then he would also do it." And this is the real baal mechanech.

So the lesson today from this program is for every baal mechanech, and this is for all the shluchim as well. When you're a shliach, be a real shliach. As we once spoke, shluchó shel adam k'moso — if you are a shliach, whomever you speak to, whatever you do, wherever you go, you are a shliach. You act like a shliach, you behave like a shliach, then you will be matzliach. And since we are all shluchim — the Rebbe said everybody is a shliach, some people go far, but every single person, wherever we are, we are called shluchim of the Rebbe. The Rebbe made us leaders, the Rebbe made us shluchim, and we have to be shluchim all the time, wherever we are.

And therefore I would like to say that if we follow this example — that it always is yotzei min halev, nichnas el halev, do things the right way, do things for the right reason — then we are going to be matzliach, [unclear].

This is today's lesson. Im yirtzeh Hashem, next week we will continue with the next program. Thank you.