Why All Chassidim Rushed to My Daughter’s Wedding

Historic Treasures — Episode 12: "Why All Chassidim Rushed to My Daughter's Wedding"

Welcome to our weekly program, The Inside Story of Chabad in America through the Mindel Archives. Today is Yud Gimel Elul. Yud Gimel Elul was the chasene (wedding) of the Frierdiker Rebbe. The chasene was in the year 1897, in Lubavitch, and it was on a Friday. The Yeshivas Tomchei Tmimim was established a couple of days later.

Yud Aleph Elul was the chasene of the Rebbe Rashab. The chasene was not in Lubavitch; it was in the city of Avosht, in the year 1835, and it was on Shabbos Mevarchim ("Mitzvah Shabbos"). Why was the chasene in Avosht and not in Lubavitch? Because Reb Yosef Yitzchok, who was the father-in-law of the Rebbe Rashab — he was a brother of the Rebbe Maharash and a son of the Tzemach Tzedek — said that the chasene should be where the kallah lives. So the chasene was in the city of Avosht.

The Rebbe Maharash did not go to the wedding. The Rebbetzin, his wife, was there, but not the Rebbe Maharash. Why? Two reasons. Number one, he wasn't well — in gashmiyus, physically. Number two, when the Rebbe Rashab had become engaged, when he was four or five years old, the Tzemach Tzedek had written then that the chasene should take place in Yerushalayim, Ir Hakodesh. Since the chasene was not in Yerushalayim, Ir Hakodesh, at least in Lubavitch it's not Yerushalayim, but it has a kedusha. But Avosht was not even that, so he didn't go to the chasene.

Nevertheless, the Rebbe Maharash said, I think, 32 maamarim that week, and Chassidim came from all over for that week of the chasene. And that night of the chasene, even though the chosson and kallah themselves were not there, nevertheless it was very lebedig and very freilach that night, and also that whole week.

Before the chosson went to his chasene, the Rebbe Maharash made three conditions with him, and only he and the meshoreis — the attendant who went with him — knew these three conditions. Nobody else knew. Number one, that he should not wear a shtreimel at the chasene. Number two, that right after the chasene — the next day, I guess — he should come right back to Lubavitch. Number three, that he should not give shirayim.

Shirayim means — there was a minhag, a custom, among chassanim, that they would give out leftovers from the challah, a big piece of challah, or the fish, whatever it was — that's called shirayim. Some Polish Rebbes also gave shirayim. Shirayim, I guess, is something important; it's just not our minhag. I think the Rebbe once spoke about it. But in the archives I saw — and I don't fully understand what this means — that the Rebbe Maharash was once walking in the marketplace and he met the Belzer Rebbe, Reb Sholom of Belz, who was blind. Reb Sholom of Belz bumped into the Rebbe Maharash, took him aside, and told him the secret of shirayim, a thousand words a minute. Now, I don't know exactly what that means, but that's what it says there.

So the shtreimel was to be worn only in Lubavitch. Even when the Rebbe Rashab davened, even on Shabbos, if he was not in Lubavitch, he didn't wear a shtreimel. This was the condition — only in Lubavitch.

Before they went, the Choson and his mother, the Rebbetzin, bought a present for the kallah. They opened the box, and the Rebbe Maharash wanted to see what was inside. It was a hat, a present, a matana for the kallah, and the hat had a feather. The Rebbe Maharash looked in, took out the feather, and threw it away — he didn't want the feather to be there.

Now, why was the chasene on motzei Shabbos and not on Friday? Because on Friday, at the Kabbalas Panim, Reb Yosef Yitzchok — the father-in-law of the Rebbe Rashab — put a shtreimel on him, not knowing that the Rebbe Rashab wasn't supposed to wear it. So the Rebbe Rashab pulled it off his head. Then it was put on again, and the meshoreis again took it off his head and ran away with it. The Rebbetzin was a little bit disturbed — she didn't know what was happening; there was a commotion. So the chasene was postponed to motzei Shabbos.

Now, when they came back to Lubavitch after the chasene, the Raza — Reb Zalman Aharon, who was the brother of the Rebbe Rashab, a great man — said that he saw the Rebbe Maharash watching the way they were dancing at the Sheva Brachos with such simcha that the Rebbe Maharash said, "Look, children, how Chassidim are happy with the simcha shel mitzvah — and that's how Yidden are going to dance in the streets when Moshiach comes." It was a very, very great simcha.

So the question is: we are in Chodesh Elul. The chasene was in Chodesh Elul. Chodesh Elul is a month of teshuva, a month of cheshbon hanefesh. As the Rebbe always says, just like a businessman, when tax season comes, sits down and makes a cheshbon — did he make money this year, did he lose money this year, and if he lost money, how can he do better the coming year — the same is true of Chodesh Elul: every Yid has to make a cheshbon, and everyone knows what he or she has to do.

As my zeide always used to say — I remember, when it came to Rosh Chodesh Elul, he would say that the Frierdiker Rebbe said there's a trembling, a wind of Elul is coming. Elul is a special time of teshuva. And as the Frierdiker Rebbe always said, in Elul, the shamash, years ago, used to knock on the shutters at four o'clock in the morning, far-tog, before dawn, when everybody was asleep, and he would call out, "Yidden, get up for selichos, it's time to do teshuva, the day of judgment is coming" — Uru yesheinim mishnaschem, wake up from your sleep. This is Elul — Elul is a serious time. And by the way, by this [unclear], it was done for a whole month, because Selichos are said from Rosh Chodesh Elul until Yom Kippur.

So on one hand we see that it's a very serious time; on the other hand, the Rebbe Rashab, the [child who would become the] Frierdiker Rebbe's father — got married in Elul, and they say the simcha was such a great simcha, they danced like a Simchas Beis Hashoeivah. What does that mean — how do we connect the two?

I saw this, but I also heard it in the name of the Rebbe — my father-in-law, [Rabbi Mindel], said that the [unclear — "Hebrew Parisher"] explains that a wedding is such a holy thing: the great-grandparents come down and dance together with the grandchildren, with the great-grandchildren. Two families are coming together, building a Bayis B'Yisroel. The kallah comes from one family — every family is its own world, he says — and the choson comes from another family, another world, [unclear], and they both have to come together and build a Bayis B'Yisroel. This is a very important thing, but it's a pity, he says, that it was given into the hands of children. A chasene is given into the hands of children; children don't realize the importance of a chasene. This is what he said — children don't realize the importance of a chasene. So a chasene is a big thing.

So Rabbi Mindel explains the meaning of dancing. I guess this is how the Rebbe Maharash danced — he doesn't say that explicitly, but I guess this was the simcha connected with the teshuva. Even though Chodesh Elul is a time of teshuva, this wedding during Chodesh Elul was with simcha gedola, great joy. It says a person has to serve the Eibeshter with simcha.

So Chassidus explains the dancing. When a person dances, the whole body dances — there's a head and there are feet. As the Rebbe explains, the feet are very important. The head is called the Chabad [intellect]. The feet — that's the emunah, the faith. The feet carry the whole body; the feet carry the Chabad. All his life, a person should know that emunah should carry him.

When can there really be an emunah carrying the Chabad? Everybody believes in the Eibeshter, but sometimes, through learning Chassidus, you perceive the Eibeshter — you can see Him, you can believe in Him — and the emunah becomes a very strong emunah. And this is shown through dancing: the whole body dances b'simcha.

It also says that regarding ish v'isha, husband and wife, the husband is called the Chabad and the wife is called the emunah — that when they work together, Chabad and emunah, ish v'isha, the Shechina shoreh beineihem, the Divine Presence dwells between them. And I guess this is the explanation of why the Rebbe Maharash's Chassidim knew exactly what simcha together with teshuva means. This will bring teshuva. And [unclear] before Sukkos explains it — it's a very deep explanation about the connection of dancing.

I want to say, today is Yud Gimel Elul, so I want to bring you a personal story. In Tav Shin Mem Tet [5749], my oldest daughter got married on Yud Gimel Elul. After the chuppah, we found out that the Rebbe was saying a sicha, so we all went to the sicha. The Rebbe would sometimes speak on the anniversary day of the chasene of the Frierdiker Rebbe. So we all went — everybody went, the whole wedding party, all the people went.

The Rebbe spoke about getting married on the fourth day of the week, since this was Tuesday night. The Rebbe said then that hayamim ha'eileh nizkarim v'na'asim — these days are relived and remembered. And there's a chasene tonight, b'zman hazeh u'vamakom hazeh, at this time and in this place, and everybody should participate, I guess — the Rebbe meant that you should participate.

So you can imagine, the whole of Lubavitch came to the chasene. I wasn't prepared for that. But baruch Hashem, it was more like a farbrengen than a chasene — it was very, very lebedig. I didn't have, of course, enough food, but we had mashke, and everybody sat down for l'chaim.

I had invited a few people, not Chabad, from out of town to the chasene. They came to the chasene and had never seen anything like it. First of all, they were looking for cards — you know, name cards, the cards they have at weddings showing where people are supposed to sit. By the way, I know for a fact that the Rebbe didn't agree with cards — the Rebbe said that when you come to a wedding you want to be free; when you give someone a card, you tell them where to sit, and maybe they don't want to sit there. Okay, but they were looking, and they couldn't find any cards. (No, I'm getting off track, sorry.)

But they had never seen — they wanted to eat. There were so many people, it was like a farbrengen. And I had rachmanus on them. So I went to the kitchen, took out a few plates of chicken and a table, and told them, "Please sit down and eat." Fine. So they went to get some chairs. They went to get chairs, came back, and couldn't find the chicken, and couldn't find the table. Can you imagine how I felt? I had a hard time explaining it to them.

But afterwards I explained to them — I said, this is a zchus, I don't know whose zchus, maybe my parents', maybe my grandparents' — that the Rebbe said everybody should come to this wedding. For me, that's more important than a piece of chicken. And I explained to them the importance of a wedding. So baruch Hashem, everything worked out.

Since it's Elul, it says we should wish each other a ksiva vachasima tova, a shana tova u'mesuka, a sweet year. That's our minhag to dip an apple in honey. Why an apple? The apple is sweet and the honey is sweet — you dip more into the honey. Why an apple? Because we need the sweetness to be b'tuv hanireh v'hanigleh — a good that is revealed and manifest. [Unclear phrase: "as good is good, is besser, nicht besser"] — as they write there in the letter.

So the Rebbe says that all the brachos the Rebbe gives us — there should be many brachos. Here I want to mention, when I speak of a bracha, I remember — this was in the month of Elul — there used to be somebody by the name of Nash Kestenbaum. He was the president of the Young Israel of the United States, and he lived in Long Beach. Kestenbaum told me that he wanted a bracha from the Rebbe. He walked in and said, "Rebbe, I need a bracha — it's Elul before Rosh Hashana — but I don't want to bother you, I know you're a busy man, so I don't want to bother you with a big bracha, just a shtickel bracha, not a big one, because that takes too long."

So the Rebbe smiled at him, and the Rebbe said: the bracha from the Rebbe should be for a year of HaGaPeN — hey is hatzlacha, gimel is gezunt, pei is parnasa, nun is nachas.

And we'll continue next Thursday, our next program. Thank you.