מסיבות בת מצווה

00:02 This is Ignis, and today we're going to talk about the idea of a bas mitzvah. It is controversial. Uh, what is not controversial is that on her twelfth birthday, a girl enters into the covenant of mitzvahs. Uh, how big a deal to make out of that, however, is unclear. Historically, it doesn't seem like we did much to celebrate a bas mitzvah. Reb Moshe Feinstein feels the entire celebration of the milestone is taken from Reform. I believe he calls it nonsense and prohibits nonsense optional activities from even taking place in a shul, and only allows private parties at home if the parents want, and even then specifies that it's not a seudas mitzvah, it's a birthday party as far as he's concerned, and making it more than that is alien and in-inauthentic to Judaism. Um, Rav Ovad Joseph, he disagrees completely. He quotes the Ben Ish Chai that suggests that a bas mitzvah celebration is a seudas mitzvah, should involve celebration because now she's keeping mitzvahs that she wasn't obligated in before, and there's no reason not to celebrate that just as much as we do for a boy, perhaps in a more tzniusdik way, but certainly just as much celebration and joy. Uh, so let's spend today looking at the Rebbe Shita, which I think you'll find falls somewhere between these two extremes. On one hand, the Rebbe, as you'll see in a moment, is very supportive of the idea that a bas mitzvah is something worthy of attention and that it is more than

01:08 just a birthday, it, it's a milestone in the Rebbe's writing, and he treats it much like he does a bar mitzvah in his letters and private audiences. On the other hand, you get the very strong impression that the Rebbe would like to either limit or entirely get rid of bar mitzvah parties, at least as they are currently practiced. So let's start with our first letter, which we're actually not going to read, but just note it's on your screen. There will, of course, be a copy in the Google Drive for those who want to read it in full. I just wanted to show you that I, I found a letter from the Rebbe Rashab. There's a letter from the Rebbe Rashab that he wrote to his granddaughter, our Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka, on her bas mitzvah. It's heartwarming, and I thought you'd find that interesting. So that one's on your screen first. Uh, you can take a look at it. It's been on the screen for a little while while I was preparing, but I thought you'd find it interesting. Uh, he just-- he, he says, he says the sorts of things you would expect a grandfather and a rebbe to say, but just an interesting piece of history right there. We'll look at it more later with Hashem's help. We have to keep moving. I, I know you're trying to take a look now. You'll have to see it later in the Drive. Okay. I wanted to start by showing you the standard berakhah, the standard

02:02 blessing that the Rebbe would send in letters to bas mitzvah girls to recognize their bas mitzvah. This letter is from Cheshvat of Tav Shin Chaf Vav. It's labeled Tes Tsadik Dalet, but I found the same exact language in a few places, so it's safe to say this is one of the, if not the, standard letters. And the Rebbe writes, "Berakhah v'Shalom," which is his classic greeting to a woman. "Responding to your letter, bemedia shebekara tagil ligil shetemas sheshana." That is that you inform me that pretty soon you're going to reach the age of twelve years old. "Hienas bar mitzvah," that bas mitzvah, and that is the time of the bas mitzvah. "Hine," the Rebbe says, therefore, behold. "Yehi ratzon," it should be Hashem's will. "Shetikabal alayekh el malikhut shamayim ve'el mitzvot b'lev avshalem," that you should accept upon yourself the yoke of the kingship of heaven. "Ve'el mitzvot," and the yoke of mitzvahs. "B'lev avshalem," with a complete heart. "Vashemes barakh," and God may he be blessed. "Yatzilakh v'limodakh va'anhagah b'sik-- besik dil," there we go. "Liyeis re'uyah l'shem bas Chabad." And that is that "Hashem, may you be blessed, should give you success in your learning, in your studies, and in your, um, actions, in your customs, and you should raise up to be, you should grow up to be fit for the name Bas Chabad, a daughter of Chabad." "Hamatinu l'ratzon nesi'einu kedoshim," with all the honorifics, and that is that you should live your life in accordance with the will of our

03:10 rebbes, with all of the honorifics after their names. "V'tashpia gam al khavereiakh sh'teyah sh'lakh v'zah," and you should also have an impact on your friends, may they live long. "B'dibur, v'eyeser," that is, you should speak to them in speech, you should have a positive impact on them. "V'eyeser," but even further than that, "adei heyotakh dugmah khayyah shel bas Yisrael m'khunakhas b'darkhei ha-Chasidus." You should also be a example even more than that. That is, you should be a role model, a paradigm of a Jewish woman who was raised in the ways of Chasidus. "Veze yavi lakhe ishu rukhanit u'gashmit," and this will bring you happiness in spirit and in practical physicality. So spiritual and physical happiness is what this will bring you. "Veberakhah," and the Rebbe gives his signature. So we have in this letter very standard bas mitzvah greeting, but you see a lot of warmth in it. You definitely see the Rebbe not treating it as a regular, uh, birthday party. The Rebbe saying you're entering the time of becoming a bas mitzvah, and now you are, uh, have a special obligation in mitzvahs. The Rebbe gives a special berakhah that you should grow up to, um, be fitting, that the name Bas Chabad should be applied to you, that you should live your life in accordance with the desires of our rebbeim, and very specifically, that you should have an impact on your friends, both by speaking to them about Torah and mitzvahs and the importance of a Jewish woman's role, and also

04:17 by demonstrating what one is, uh, acting like someone who was raised b'darkhei Chasidus. And the Rebbe guarantees happiness in practicality and physicality, spirituality, happiness, and wealth, uh, in that way if a person follows in that path. So we have a standard blessing. Now, I have a letter here. This is from the year Tav Shin Yud Beis. It's from chaf alef Tammuz of Tav Shin Yud Beis. The letter is labeled alef tav shin tes zayin. And here the Rebbe explains a little bit, although we're gonna see a sicha in a moment where he expands upon this, about why a girl becomes a bas mitzvah before a boy becomes a bar mitzvah al pi Chasidus. As I'm sure you know, a girl becomes a bas mitzvah at age twelve, a boy becomes a bar mitzvah at age thirteen, and the Rebbe explains a little bit of why. So the Rebbe says, "Maam hahtavah," I'm responding to your letter. "Bemediyah schenismalakh shetemas sheshana," where you inform me that you have, uh, reached twelve years old. And the Rebbe writes, "Yeni betakh yedati," certainly you know, "asheb'gil zeh nasus m'khieves b'mitzvot," that at this age you become obligated in mitzvahs. "Kay matznu bnei Yisrael nitnah b'yisha," as our sages said, extra understanding, extra binah was given to women. "Asher lekhena bar mitzvah shel bonei Yisroel hi shanah kedemis la bar mitzvah shel bonei Yisroel." The Rebbe says because of this bnei Yisrael, because of this increased understanding and increased intellectual capacity to some degree, whatever you define binah as,

05:29 uh, because girls have this in a way that boys don't, they have extra binah, therefore, the bar mitzvah of a girl comes one year before the bar mitzvah of a boy. "Ve'yiten Hashem yisbarakh shegalah malei malei b'dias-- um, b'dias v'anhagas yisharis," and therefore, Hashem should give you a blessing that you will grow and, uh, grow up, up in your knowledge and in your actions, in your upright actions. "V'reih sheyikhu yirbehu meinu m'shai yildehem sheyikhu Yiddishe nakhas, Chasidishe nakhas." And may your parents get from you and the rest of your siblings, "Yiddishe nakhas and Chasidishe nakhas." "Aver betakh nishtadelekh gam khin laashpi'ah sifatzeikh lakht bekhsheim shel Yiddish v'Chasidus." And certainly, you will try very hard to affect your surroundings and to imbue them with the warmth of fear of heaven and the warmth of Chasidus. "Asher zeh gam khin sinahv clean nesiv kabalas b'yakh Hashem yisbarakh," because this is also the way by which, the vessel by which a person can get the blessings of God and then the Rebbe writes, "Veberakhah." The Rebbe expands upon this idea that girls have this, have the, uh, entry into the covenant of mitzvahs Earlier than boys because of the biniysera in a sicha. This sicha is printed in the Likutei Sichas. It's in volume Yud Alef Shmeis. You'll find this on page three thirty-eight. We're just gonna read that excerpt there that Rebbe says. "Mi tam ze," because of this reasoning, which he explained higher. "Nasis nekeva bas mitzvah l'yud mei shana v'zachor l'yud gimel shana." That this

06:40 is the reason why a girl becomes a bas mitzvah at twelve, and a boy does not become a bar mitzvah until a year later at thirteen. The reason why? "Ki mitzvos nitnu l'vnei deh." Because mitzvos are given only to people who have daas. That is, you have to know what's going on in order to do a mitzvah. That is, the age at which a person is obligated in mitzvos is very much tied to, in halakha, to how much they understand. And since it's tied to how much they understand, we then say that, uh, "ki, uh, mitzvos nitnu l'vnei deh." Since mitzvos were given to people who, uh, understand. "Ve hanashim nasis bnei seira kem lu hanashim." And women get this before men. Women are expected to understand the importance of mitzvos and be able to take them on before men are. "V'zeh hu biniysera hul," and this is the biniysera. So that's just an explanation of what the Rebbe said in this earlier letter, that the reason why girls become bas mitzvah first is because God endowed them with an extra level of bina, a sort of understanding, a sort of intellect, a sort of ability to understand implication. That's really what bina means. "Lehavin davar mitech davar," to understand implication. And since they are advanced in this area, women enter into obligation for mitzvos one year earlier than men. The Rebbe then continues, though it's not just about their bina, not just about their understanding. This tells us something else about women that they

07:42 do one year before men. "Behinni al pi hamavor bateras haChasidus," as is explained in Chasidus. "Asher kiyum hamitzvos ein tzad hachi yesod tzaseichal ki im bederech kabbalas ol." The keeping of mitzvos is not supposed to be just because you intellectually understand them, but also you should keep mitzvos, more specifically, you should keep mitzvos just because God says so. "Chuka chakta gizera gezarati ven lo chanushas la'acharecha." That is, that I've made a decree, says God, and you have no permission to think about it. Just do what I say. "Al pi ze," based on that, "hi neperesh biniysera," the explanation of biniysera, "ugam inyan hakabbalas ol," must also apply to kabbalas ol. That is, the Rebbe's saying that given that the biniysera, this extra intellect, is what brings her into mitzvos, it must be that she would not be able to be brought into mitzvos if she did not also have an extra dose of kabbalas ol, an extra dose of the ability to do what God says just because he said. And this tells us that for Jewish girls, kabbalas ol shows up before it does for Jewish boys. So what the Rebbe's saying here is two reasons that women have their bas mitzvah before boys is because, first of all, they have biniysera. They have this extra level of intellect. But second of all, we can prove that they must also have an additional ability to take on mitzvos for reasons that are beyond intellect or beneath intellect, however you wanna think about it. What

08:49 we would call kabbalas ol. That is, through doing things just because Hashem said so, that that partic- that that particular quality also shows up in women before it shows up in men, and therefore their bas mitzvos are earlier. We have a couple yichidias here. Some of these things are printed in a sefer known as Ben Yud Gimel-- Ben Yud Gimel Mitzvos. Others are printed in a safer called Bas Yud Beis L'Mitzvos, where they collected a lot of yichidias, so this is very useful because otherwise I don't know how I would have found all of them. I just want to show you one of them. This is the yichidis from Yud Gimel Shevat, from Tamshin Mem Vav, and the Rebbe writes, "Yom habar mitzvah ayy bas mitzvah," the Rebbe says. The day of the bar mitzvah or the bas mitzvah, so this applies both to bar mitzvah and bas mitzvah specifically, "hu yom segulah." That is, it's a special day. It's a day of segulah. "Simcha gedolah m'od," it's a day of incredible joy. "Shekein," and the reason why is, "veibi yom naaseh habar mitzvah yishus levav shleimus," because the bar or bas mitzvah becomes a Jewish man or woman completely on that day. "Yehudi shalem," a complete Jew. "Chelek mikol Am Yisrael," and at that moment, they become a true part of the entire Jewish people. "Acham matan Torah ad seif kol hadereos." That they are part of now the legacy that stretches back to Matan Torah, receiving the Torah at Mount Sinai, and continues

09:48 until the end of all generations. "Ve nimtza sheyom habar mitzvah bechaiva pra'atim oadeirach mitukma se yom haazen iyes l'am dichlola ul'saam Yisrael." That is, that the day of the bar mitzvah, and since the Rebbe says above this also applies to a bas mitzvah, I will add also the day of the bas mitzvah is the day-- is sort of like an individual moment, a private moment of the Jewish people's entire moment where they became a nation. That is, the Jewish people all become a nation on a given day. Uh, "hayom azen iyes l'am," where Hashem announces, "Now you are officially a nation." This sort of happens on an individual level every single time a person becomes a bar or bas mitzvah. So we're seeing here a sense the Rebbe takes the idea of bas mitzvah very seriously. Um, the Rebbe's giving special brachos for a bas mitzvah. The Rebbe's noting that women have a bas mitzvah earlier because of the biniysera, their extra bina, because they have a special degree of kabbalas ol. We saw that the Rebbe wants it celebrated as a day of simcha, as a yom segulah. Uh, and now we take a look at how he wants it celebrated, which is sort of surprising given what the Rebbe's just said. The Rebbe sort of lined up the idea of bar and bas mitzvah are very similar. They're both celebrating the same thing, but he very clearly wants them celebrated in different ways. This is a long letter. I hope I have time

10:47 to read it to you. I'm gonna try. Uh, "Shalom u-bracha," the Rebbe writes to this person. This letter is labeled Vav Shin Pei Vav of Tamshin Yud Ches, and the Rebbe writes, "Shalom u-bracha." He writes, "Achar hahapsechach hiya ruch." It's been a long, long delay. "Niskav b'mechtavam Erev Yud Beis Tammuz." I finally received your letter from the twelfth of Tammuz. "Chag hagulah av li fridik Rebbe. Avei era," and there you point out, "minhag dei bas Yisrael asher beshanim ha'achronos chadar gam ken chuge ha'ireng l'dvar Hashem." That, uh, you mentioned that there's a, uh, there's a minhag nowadays that girls do a bas mitzvah. In recent years, this has happened even among those who fear the word of God. That is, it's not just a Reform and Conservative thing anymore. The Orthodox are doing it as well. "Ach she'kamat nasen l'davek sheyev she'lo batlan." At this point, it's become something that is basically impossible for us to get rid of. That's what you write to me. "Al ach ai lahibe eizeh ifen teiviye se lasade zeh." But you do wanna know what is the best way to arrange this. "Vmaskish eneig v'maseh zebim shishi v'eirev k'nir kavana se b'leil Shabbos kodesh." And you write to me that people are right now doing this traditionally on Friday nights, and, uh, you wanna know the best way to arrange it. So this person writes to the Rebbe saying, uh, at this point, we can't stop bas mitzvahs. Whether we wanted to or not, it's now an Orthodox thing

11:47 too. Frum people do it too. And since people who now fear Hashem are also involved in bas mitzvahs, uh, you don't think we can get rid of the idea of bas mitzvah parties anymore. You wanna know when best to do it and how best to do it. And it seems that people are doing it Friday night. The Rebbe says, "V'yaashe cheyli hinei b'medinah zu haisi b'vatach tiyas zu mikar." The Rebbe says that if I could have set things up in this country on my own, if I had the power to do such a thing, I would definitely get rid of this idea that a bas mitzvah should be on Shabbos. The Rebbe goes on to say that he doesn't really want a bar mitzvah on Shabbos either. "Harei mitzdarma al yichas bar mitzvah shas u'ne krias Hatorah." Um, we put up with the fact that a bar mitzvah will happen on Shabbos because everybody wants to have a Krias Hatorah. They want the boy to get an Aliyah. "Ke'idul m'chushalu nigral mai dezeh." But, uh, everybody knows this causes enormous problems. This causes people to do sins. "Kadan hagavrish galehe pacht shmiras Shabbos kodesh." This leads to people violating Shabbos in order to drive to the bar mitzvah or get to the bar mitzvah. The Rebbe's not happy with the idea of bar and bas mitzvahs on Shabbos because of how many sins they cause. "V'zeh machnis knisas Ben Yisrael legil u'el mitzvos v'el Torah k'vi ha'ashar bederech hateva yesh chashash kedosh k'vi zu geshuvias

12:43 eizeh chagigah shtiey v'leil Shabbos kodesh v'yom Shabbos kodesh. Harei afilu im tinzeh lev ish mikol yisrael lo yugre mai deizeh chilul Shabbos chas v'shalom ein uruv lezeh." Uh, so the Rebbe's saying here that, uh, we're trying to bring a boy into the, uh, acceptance of mitzvahs, uh, and to schedule any event like that in a way that is almost inevitably, and even if it doesn't inevitably, somewhat leads to the violation of Shabbos, is something that the Rebbe is not interested in at all. "Elu zanah hevi makom zeh, o mash ein kenaf i lu makom zeh ve'asi da karav d'achach as kam kamu k'nez acheim v'shosavek al dalum bedavar b'kal v'dal." Uh, so he says even in communities where this is not terribly likely, he's worried, and in other communities, he becomes even more worried. This is easily understandable that it is a bad idea to make a bar mitzvah on Shabbos. "Vekhvar dibarti in kam me'arbonim minegel minig bat kneses shalom," the Rebbe says, "I've already spoken to many rabbonim regarding the customs in their synagogues." "Shalom lishdabe k'chol ha'jeres l'ade chagigas bar mitzvah lo be'yom ha'Shabbos." I've asked them all to do everything they can to really push that bar mitzvah parties should not happen on the day of Shabbos. "Ki be'yom ha'sechol," uh, only on weekdays, and for the reasons that I mentioned above. So the Rebbe says, "First of all, you're asking me about, about doing a bas mitzvah on Friday night. I don't even like the idea of bar mitzvahs on

13:46 Shabbos. I certainly don't like the idea of a bas mitzvah on a Friday night. I would like these things to be on weekdays in order to reduce the sins that occur when people try to get to these things or are involved in arranging these things." The Rebbe continues, "Ken muvan she'yesh lishdabe k'chol ha'sharesh le'ete k'vias pi yom harishon." The Rebbe says, "I would also like you to really try very hard to make sure these things are not held on a Sunday." And I would love to do an igras share someday on just all the letters where the Rebbe says, "Don't do things on Sundays." The Rebbe is not a fan of any Jewish event happening on a Sunday because Sunday is the day that is traditionally celebrated by the non-Jews as their special day, and that is not a good thing for us to associate with. So he says, "I would really like you not to do it on Sunday either." "Haredai be'zayin vekatzah vakamah me'anyan benei Yisrael nidafim lim yem zeh." It's already, uh, i-is it not enough the humiliation that has been caused by the fact that the Jews push off things to this day? "Ach midam shaz panei am mesatar al sakaf." Even though the reason why Jews are scheduling things all the time on Sundays is because that's the day where they don't have work, um, that by way of this they are-- although they're doing it because they're trying to find a day where they don't have work, they are

14:40 inadvertently along the way giving special chashivos, giving special, uh, worth to the day that is Sunday, uh, which is the day of the celebrations of the idolaters, Rachmanu La'tzlan. So, uh, the Rebbe says, "I really don't want things on Sunday, even though people have the best intent when they put them on Sundays." "Ela kenira veheiba zeh dayin begezer gzeirah she'ein reveitz ibakani yichel lamidbah." However, the Rebbe says, "I do understand that this falls under the category of a decree that the majority of the congregation will not be able to put up with." "Vezichus gadol leiv sh'grani nishkaf inyan it m'shabiyam zeh ve'ein ish sam lau lev." He says, the Rebbe, "I can already-- I can assign a great merit to the fact that when people do schedule things on Sundays, they're not really thinking about it as a non-Jewish holiday. So that's great. I like that they've forgotten that that, that it has anything to do with that." "Avaba negel inyan chadash matev sh'lin kazmir tchir inyan lasade zeh lo be'yom zeh v'shayar tzirut zimlei." No. The Rebbe says that if it's something new, like a bas mitzvah, where we're trying to find the right day to schedule a bas mitzvah, like to start a new custom, let's certainly not start a new custom that will happen on Sundays. Uh, the Rebbe continues, "Muvan sh'neinin iz akiv bazal al klal hasidin difingis bar mitzvah." The Rebbe says, "It's understood that I'm not even addressing in this letter what I, uh, what I think about the

15:40 idea of making a bas mitzvah celebration in general." "Ve'kenira le, da az nebaba shailah," because it doesn't seem you asked me that. "Ki mashiv matzah ve'heru bikilas," right? You're telling me the situation in your congregation is that there's going to be one anyway. "Shailah hi rak al derech k'vias hazman." You're only asking me how to, uh, how to schedule it. But the Rebbe implies in this letter that if you asked me whether there should be one at all, he might have said no. And then the Rebbe throws in at the very end here, "Ach kitefach lemeseh harav," oh, although it is certainly excessive, I don't-- certainly don't need to make this note to you. "Bechazal vesaseh sineimail gam zeh achsav." I do, however, wanna put this in writing, "bimichushalom," because people are struggling in this area, people are stumbling in this area, uh, when they make the bas mitzvah celebrations, that in some of these celebrations, "vezal bam mahadrin, ve'techas habas mitzvah, neit nim, uh, nis-neit nim beshir kaylam," um, that it seems that, uh, women at these bas mitzvahs, they're mixed crowds, and the women will sing. The women will join in in the singing to celebrate the bas mitzvah. "Parah bezeh ein shayah sharah shayah din beforish b'shulchan aruch liset mufalot," and there you can make no compromises because it is clearly forbidden from Shulchan Aruch. So in this relatively long letter, it's been a while since we've read a long letter together. We've been doing a lot of excerpts. The Rebbe says

16:42 here that, uh, when you're asking me about scheduling a bas mitzvah, because inevitably there are bas mitzvahs in your shul, I really don't want it on Shabbos, and I really would also not like a bar mitzvah on Shabbos because these things lead to problems with the keeping of Shabbos. I also really don't want them on Sundays because although it is true that we sort of accept the fact that people put things, schedule Jewish events on Sundays, and they don't really think about it as a Christian thing, nonetheless, it should make us uncomfortable. And, uh, if we're scheduling something new, if we're making a bas mitzvah, which is a relatively new idea, let's not say bas mitzvahs are on Sundays and add to the problem. And then the Rebbe adds in that although you didn't ask me about bas mitzvah celebrations, uh, he implies he would have opined about them probably in the negative, and then says here that, uh, when it comes to women singing at these celebrations, you gotta make sure that there's no men around, 'cause if there are men arou-around when the women are singing, this can cause serious halakhic problems where one cannot make a compromise. I'm rushing because I am out of time. This letter is labeled Tes, Tuv, Kuf, Tes, Zayin, and the Rebbe writes, "Vada," says certainly, "Masu lav an halas tiru guras Chabad techan efam b'shliyas las bar mitziyas habar mitzvah lakan." Certainly, you've received my letter where I told Tiru Agudas Chabad in Eretz Yisrael that

17:45 they should not arrange a trip for bar mitzvah boys, specifically orphans, as we might have time to see in another letter. They were trying to arrange a trip for or-orphans whose parents had been killed in the war to come to, uh, Seven Seventy, to come to New York and then do sort of an America trip for a couple weeks to celebrate their bar mitzvah, and they asked the Rebbe, "Do you think this is a good idea?" And the Rebbe said, "No." "Al mas ken inyan zeh keven shepetach gam hi chishkaf b'dira amar." The Rebbe says, "I'm mentioning it to you because I suspect you were involved in the planning for this, and I wanna make sure you know as well that I'm not a fan of the boys coming to America for their bar mitzvah." In case you're wondering why, I have this letter over here labeled Tuv, Kuf, Yud, Alef, where the Rebbe explains why he doesn't want the boys traveling to America for the bar mitzvah. I don't have time to read it to you, but I will summarize it to you, and maybe someday we'll do a whole class on it because this is a shita from the Rebbe. He says he does not like the idea of bar mitzvah trips in general. The idea of taking your bar mitzvah boy far away to some other country for his bar mitzvah sort of runs up against the entire idea of a bar mitzvah. The idea of a bar mitzvah is that we

18:37 are trying to take on the yoke of fear of heaven and the yoke of mitzvahs, and that's just so much harder to do while traveling and really doesn't fit with a vacation sort of vibe. So the Rebbe doesn't like the idea of bar mitzvah trips and certainly doesn't want one to Seven Seventy. Then the Rebbe continues, "Meiniyin linabeisa inyan." On that same topic, "Shen kedai lade chagigas boneis mitzvah." I do not want you to arrange a bas mitzvah parties for the girls of these people who were killed, Al Kidush Hashem, in the recent wars. Although they thought that would be a good idea, they say in Kfar Chabad, "Don't organize bas mitzvah parties." Why? Because it is still unclear among the Rabbanim in Eretz HaKodesh in Israel. They still are disagreeing over whether it makes sense to organize these sorts of parties. And there are multiple sides to this debate. But and it's still too early for us to come out with a final definitive psak, a final definitive halakhic ruling over whether it makes sense to have bas mitzvah parties. So the Rebbe says instead, please invite them to a camp, and he adds in here that he will give ten percent to the funds to help invite them to a camp. So certainly do things for the girls and for the boys, but a bas mitzvah party the Rebbe is worried about because he says the Rabbanim in Eretz Israel have not come out with a clear psak yet. They still have different

19:45 opinions over whether bas mitzvah parties are appropriate. I wanna end off by showing you a yichidus, a couple yichidus that sort of summarize, I think, as best as we know, the Rebbe's opinion on bas mitzvah parties, and then I really have to run. But the Rebbe says, "This is a yichidus. It's a ksav yad. Um, it's a yichidus from Pevzner." I don't know which Rav Pevzner, but a Rav Pevzner. This is printed in Bas Yud Beis L'Mitzvos, and the yichidus goes. He says, "A couple of years ago, I was by the Rebbe, the yichidus, in a yichidus. And I asked him about arranging a bas mitzvah party. " He said, "This was his answer. These are not the exact words, but this was the idea." The Rebbe said, "sort of like this. If the friends, if her friends are already making these parties, then it would be, uh, then she should also make a party. But make it as small as possible. And if her friends are not already doing it, certainly don't start it." So the Rebbe seems to say that if everybody's pressuring you to make a bas mitzvah party and all of her friends want one, you don't wanna tell the girl, "I'm sorry, no bas mitzvah party for you. You're too Hasidish," but make it as small as possible. And then the Rebbe went on to explain that there are two ways to get rid of . There's two ways to get rid of customs that are undesirable, strongly implying

20:54 that a bas mitzvah party is one of them. One way is through patience. You just kind of wait till it goes away, and the other one is to invest less money in it, implying that the Rebbe would like these things to go away if at all possible and to be smaller and smaller until people stop doing them. Uh, the Rebbe continues. We have another yichidus over here to the same Rav Pevzner. Uh, came bar mitzvah. Certainly, he was told by the Rebbe not to make a bas mitzvah the way people do nowadays, that it's exactly the same as a bar mitzvah. They should do something modest in the school. That's like a birthday party. And that her parents should get her a nice present. So it should be like a birthday party. It should be done in the school, and she should get a present, but not much more. And finally, we have one more down here. It's an answer to from which is of course notarized as that they should do it as a mesibah Shabbos, as a melava malka, but not as an independent event. The Rebbe says that this is sort of a Reform thing. He references, uh, the name of a certain Reform, uh, Reform rabbi, saying that this is their, this is their thing. This is not our thing. Uh, so what we have here from the Rebbe is pretty clear, I think. On one hand, it's very clear that we take the bas mitzvah seriously. It's very clear that

21:59 we consider it a moment of celebration, a moment of joy, and that we're very excited about the idea of women taking on mitzvahs. Uh, at the same time, the idea of a bas mitzvah party, the Rebbe seems to want as little of it as possible, uh, for us to diminish it if at all possible. And although he does tolerate it, he certainly doesn't want it on Shabbos, doesn't want it on Sundays, and it seems to me would rather we not do them at all. And if we do them, uh, because other people around are doing them and you don't want the girl to miss out, to make them small, local, personal affairs.