ריקודים מעורבים

00:01 Speaker 1 This is Igress. We're looking at letters from today exactly sixty years ago. This is a letter from Yud Gimmel Adar of Tav Shin Chaf Dalet. That was sixty years ago. The letter is labeled Ches, Tav Shin Pe Dalet. And the letter is about somebody who it looks like had considered sending a letter to a local shul that was involved in-- that had mixed dancing, dancing between men and women at this shul. And this person wrote to the Rebbe. It's unclear what they wrote exactly, but they probably wrote based on the letter. They wrote something along the lines of they would send a letter protesting this, but they don't think it would have any particular effect if they did so. Uh, that- that- that if they sent a letter protesting the mixed dancing at this shul. So the Rebbe writes back. "I sh'lo ach mechtav," not sending a letter to protest that people are dancing, uh, men and women are dancing together in a shul. "Vadi sh'lo yes epm uma lesicon of shiper." Certainly not sending it won't help, right? So you're telling me sending it won't help. Certainly not sending it won't help. Not sending it definitely won't add anything to fixing this and improving the situation. "Vishiluchei," as for sending such a letter, "Al kavana midei safek liatza b'negei lechlalaseinin vavadigei lichidim vade shikavam kamayim nuayide ze." The Rebbe says sending it, it might be that there's a possibility that it gen-- that it won't affect everything, that it won't change the entire scenario,

01:10 Speaker 1 but there's a good chance that, uh, actually, he doesn't say a good chance. He says definitely. Definitely individuals will avoid mixed dancing if you do publicize and send such a letter. So even, uh, in, in a, uh, in a, um, in a vacuum, this is a really interesting statement on this letter because this is a question that comes up in a million other contexts. Somebody's trying to decide whether they should, uh, protest an inappropriate behavior of some kind. And in a lot of cases, people say, "Let's not say anything because we know it won't make much of a difference." The Rebbe's saying here, not saying something, uh, always doesn't make a difference. Saying something sometimes does. And generally speaking, although a single letter written by somebody, especially an outsider to a situation, doesn't change an entire situation, it's hard to believe that there won't be a couple people who will read such a letter and change their behaviors. So when possible, and when of course, b'darkei nef b'darkei shalom, a person can get involved in these sorts of inyanim, send a letter, change the narrative a little bit, it seems like the Rebbe might be in favor. Although that is not our shiur today. I didn't find many other letters where the Rebbe gives this sort of advice, so I can't say this is a, a straight shita, but it does make sense. He says, anyway, "Mne'akovod v'eitam laaskav lechtev v'rav marade base kinesis." He says, in addition to that, says the Rebbe, uh, because

02:16 Speaker 1 of a-- sh- out of a, out of a sense of respect and perhaps for some other reasons too, it's a good idea to start by writing to the rav of that shul where these inappropriate behaviors are happening. Start from the top. This is certainly good advice, uh, all around, right? In addition to in this scenario. If you wanna go after a certain behavior, it would make more sense, uh, out of a simple sense of respect to go to the people who are in charge first and complain to them before you go and complain to literally everybody. This is something that, uh, I think we all know in the back of our heads, but frequently people do not do. They like to complain. They like to complain without going to the source of the problem first. The Rebbe says, first, please address the rav and see what he has to say, and then after that you can publicize your letter of protest. What we're going to look at today is several other letters and sichas where the Rebbe talks about mixed dancing. The Rebbe has some very strong feelings about mixed dancing, obviously because it's assur, so the Rebbe is going to have strong feelings about Jews doing things that they're not allowed to do. But in addition to that, we're going to see in a couple letters the Rebbe address how to explain this to people who are not necessarily sensitive to Shulchan Aruch, not necessarily sensitive to these ideas, and find the idea of

03:15 Speaker 1 having a mechitza at a wedding or dancing separately to be, uh, alien or inappropriate or strange. Uh, the Rebbe has answ-answers for how to discuss this with them as well and, uh, when exactly to stand your ground. And, uh, spoiler, because I know some people don't listen all the way to the end, he will tell you to always stand your ground. There is no scenario where the Rebbe will allow mixed dancing, obviously because it's assur. Let's look at a few more letters. This one isn't a letter. This is a sicha. This is a sicha from Leil Simchas Torah, right before Hakafos of Tav Shin Yud Dalet. Uh, in Tav Shin Yud Dalet, when they were-- when the Rebbe was speaking before Hakafos, there were apparently a few people outside in the yard who didn't wanna come inside to dance, but they wanted to dance outside. And the implication in this sicha is that they wanted to dance outside and there would be a lack of tznius. Uh, uh, whether they were gonna have literal mixed dancing or it just wouldn't be a, or it just wouldn't be a mechitza, or there would be people, uh, who were less tznius than they should be. There were people outside who wanted to dance, and they didn't wanna have the rules of dancing inside seven seventy. So the Rebbe addresses them, and he says something very interesting about dancing in general. He says here that, "I'd like to liken dancing to what the Friediker Rebbe explains in a

04:15 Speaker 1 letter." He says this, "Yesh lahaz bilaham mashicasim kav haKadosh baruch hu mechtav." You should explain to these people who are standing outside and who want to involve themselves in a, uh, less mutar or an assur form of dancing. "She'as ibal hakach sh'adam reitz lecha machal basuim." Why do people want to eat certain foods? A person sees a food and he wants to eat it, whether it's kosher, whether it's treif. If a person sees a food and desires it, it's actually because the neshamah is hungry for the holy spark that is inside that food and wants to find a way, leva'aref, wants to find a way to rectify that hidden spark in the food. That's where ta'avah for food comes from. "Kdesha neshamah toach lefa'oz es," because-- and so that the neshamah will be able to accomplish this, this also causes a feeling of hunger in the body, and then the body desires it b'gashmius. But in truth, it comes from the neshamah. So the Friediker Rebbe explains that every desire we have for physicality actually comes from the desire from the neshamah to elevate it. But the neshamah can't get you to do things. The neshamah can't get you to feel hungry. So the neshamah tells the-- but because of what it wants, the neshamah tells the body, "Hey, that looks delicious. Why don't you eat that?" And then the body feels hungry. So the Rebbe says, "Al derech ze b'yanenu." This also applies to dancing. Anybody who has-- all these people who gather together

05:13 Speaker 1 to dance outside under, uh, less than tznius circumstances, the truth is their neshamahs had told them to dance because their neshamahs wanted to dance because it's Simchas Torah. And on Simchas Torah, neshamah wants to dance. But it has to be poel. It has to, uh, have a-- it has to create a ta'avah in the body in order to incr- in order to make the body want to dance as well. So the neshamah told the body, "It's Simchas Torah, let's dance." And the body went to go dance under less than tznius circumstances. So all we have to do is explain that to those people and bring them in to a proper dance. This is really interesting because it means that, uh, just about every, uh, just about every feeling, just about every ta'avah and gashmius has a source in ruchnius, and if it could be done properly, would satisfy the neshamah. But it's also fascinating because the Rebbe's saying, "Lahaz bilaham ze." The Rebbe's saying to explain this to people, to tell people when they want to eat something treif or something that is not as kosher as it should be, that in fact that desire is coming from their neshamah and should be redirected toward kosher food. To tell somebody who wants to engage in inappropriate dancing that the feeling that they have that they want to dance actually comes from a very holy place. The neshamah wants to dance, but remind them that the guf has taken it, their body has taken it in

06:12 Speaker 1 the wrong direction and needs to be redirected toward kedushah. Now specifically when it comes to mixed dancing, we have, uh, this is probably the most famous letter on the topic. This is from Tes Tavan of Tavshin, Lamed Baz. The letter is labeled Yud Tav Zion. It is in volume twenty-seven of Igris. And the Rebbe says, "Kidushin v'chasno inyan." What is the inyan of a wedding? Uh, most of the cases of mixed dancing the Rebbe talks about is mixed dancing at weddings because of course that's where it happens most often. But you'll see in a couple of these letters and sichas that he obviously extends all of this to all scenarios. But the Rebbe frequently references it by weddings where, uh, there was once an incredible social pressure, I think even for Orthodox, even for Frum Yidden, to engage in, uh, to, to allow mixed dancing at weddings. Uh, that's not so much the case anymore. I, I mean, if-- across the spectrum of Orthodoxy, you just don't see mixed dancing at weddings anymore. I don't believe that was the case a couple of decades ago. I think this was a real uphill battle that the Poskim of the past generation had to push very hard. So at this point, this is less a practical, uh, you know, for our audience, here's why you shouldn't engage in mixed dancing. I think most of us are there already. But this is certainly a way to explain it to, uh, to people who are still, who are still

07:16 Speaker 1 doing it. So the Rebbe says, "Kidushin v'chasno inyan." What is the inyan of a wedding? Why are these people getting married in the first place? "Harei at mikudeshes li." To say that one person is going to be sanctified to the other person, that the two of us are going to be exclusively with each other. "Sh'shnaim yu sheyechem ach ze laze." That the two of us are only going to be for each other. "Ki sh'nazim bimptatim bimptatim simchasim b-b-b'bir chasam lazug." When everybody comes to express their blessings for this young couple, "Tzarich liyes b'ese, b'ese teichean." It needs to be according-- it needs to be along those lines, should match that basic, uh, teichean, should match that idea. "Akavan uleiv b'hef chaves tir lazaz." So when people gather at a wedding, they should try to at least live up to the basics of the idea of a wedding, which is two people being uniquely for each other. Certainly not to do the opposite of it and to contradict that. "Rikudei tevavus b'teichean." What is-- What does it mean when, when there's mixed dancing, when, uh, when there's dancing between men and women? That means that "Nisu la'achar rekedes im acher." This means that a woman who's married to one person will dance with a man who she is not married to. "Oi sh'bachro rekedes im bachar ve'eitzach clan" the same condition. Or it means that two unmarried people, a man and a woman who are not married, are going to dance with each other without any

08:19 Speaker 1 need for getting married in the first place. So what is this? Two people get married, and they show that the only way the two people are allowed to be together is under chupah v'kidushin, that they have a proper wedding. And we show that by having a young man and a young woman or an older man and an older woman get married to each other and demonstrate that they-- that this is what a kosher wedding looks like, what kosher Jew-- what kosher relationships look like. And then how do we celebrate it? By having people who are married go dance with other people, or by having unmarried people without ever needing to get married in the first place dance with each other. It's astera to the entire idea. "Ze es av pirsumav anash v'chol" and the Rebbe says, "And this is done publicly, and it's done as an exclamation. It's done loudly." Everybody immediately sees that right after you pretended that the most important thing was a wedding, you went and showed everybody you don't care about weddings. And that's what, that's what mixed dancing is. And, uh, this is a fascinating tool that we could-- might be able to use to explain to people who do have mixed dancing at weddings why we are opposed to it. Uh, first of all, because it's astera to the wedding. The entire point of a wedding was not mixed dancing, and here you come and flip the table and ruin the entire wedding. Uh, and then the Rebbe adds

09:14 Speaker 1 some very harsh words down here, much harsher than i've seen in basically any letter. He says, um, "Yes rus vivila ela ken yi rus vivila sata." What happens on high is similar to what happens below. And therefore, "Ki sh'marin lemata sh'nisu eizug meviin lasim chas kiruv kanal v'harei, rachmana litfan v'chul ava kal lahavin." The Rebbe says, uh, "When you show-- When we show down here that this wedding caused people to have inappropriate closeness between couples who are not mar-- between people who are not married, this causes, God forbid, and it's easy to understand." That's a literal translation of what the Rebbe says. The, uh, what we are supposed to understand, since it is kal lahavin, is that the Rebbe's saying that if at a wedding, they-- if at a wedding, the wedding is celebrated, if this couple's marriage is, uh, is celebrated by inappropriate behaviors, then this tells on-- this, this, this is like saying on-- when we do that below, this creates a situation on high where this cannot be a successful marriage. The marriage won't be successful if at the wedding there is something that is astera to the marriage. This causes a serious challenge to the wedding itself. Now, what forces me to read it that way? Basically, the kal lahavin v'rachmana litfan, but also a s-- a, also another letter where the Rebbe says almost the exact same thing, except this time he spells it out. This letter is Beis Tav Reish Chaf Gimel. It is found in volume nine of

10:21 Speaker 1 Igris. We're gonna go all the way down to the bottom. Basically, the Rebbe somehow got word. He says at the beginning that i've gotten-- "I've heard a rumor about this, and I'm hoping it's not true, and I, i don't mean to jump to conclusions," but the Rebbe's clearly sure it's true, or he wouldn't have written a letter this long, that he gave a bracha that a certain couple could get married to each other, uh, both Frum, both from Frum families. And he gave a bracha that it'd be a good idea for the two of them to get married. And now he hears that at the wedding there's going to be no mechitza. And, uh, l'chayeh there'll also be mixed dancing, but at the very least, there'll be no mechitza. And the Rebbe writes to this person saying, uh, "When you asked me..." Actually, I wanna go down here. Excuse me. 'Cause i need-- i-- we-- we'll, we'll lose time if we read the whole letter. You have the whole letter in the, in the, uh, WhatsApp group. And we're gonna read the last two paragraphs. «Miskatnim kneydlik nes baes leeser eses shanim.» People get married not for the wedding. People get married in order to build a home together for tens of years, for a very long time. Uh, «Hima tim leherum lesaken mashnegel lebaas leeser shanim kidei le sheres shais spures misshaches hachasna yimsuchain beineinashem shein vidimas dinei shulchan aruch.» Does it really make sense for parents who are d- w- planning to not

11:20 Speaker 1 ha-- to have a plan-- Excuse me. Does it make sense for parents who are planning to have a mixed wedding without a mechitza and mixed dancing, it sounds like, to endanger tens of years of happiness of their children together, building a home among the Jewish people, in order to, for a couple hours of the wedding, uh, satisfy the needs of a couple of their friends who don't know Shulchan Aruch, or who don't care about Shulchan Aruch, or because the Kallah Adas, “Muchanam lesaken davashel esu shana bishvil enig zmanim yaduma.” Or because people say that they are willing to, uh, sacrifice a little bit of Shulchan Aruch for a, uh, all of Shulchan Aruch for a brief, uh, for a brief enjoyable experience. So the Rebbe's saying very strongly in this paragraph, there are people who say that, uh, that Halacha is Halacha, uh, but at the same time, uh, this is a chasuna. It's, uh, for a couple hours, and, uh, and I'm willing to-- I'm willing to put Shulchan Aruch to the wayside for my temporary enjoyment. The Rebbe says, "Not just Shulchan Aruch you're pushing to the wayside. You're ruining their marriage." So are you willing to ruin the marriage of these two kids and endanger their marriage for the long term, which is supposed to last for twenty, thirty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty years, for a very, very long time? Are you willing to risk this entire marriage so you can satisfy some of your friends who either don't care about Shulchan

12:24 Speaker 1 Aruch, or who, uh, or who don't know about Shulchan Aruch, or who, uh, or think it's not such a big deal? Is that the way you are as parents? The Rebbe's asking these parents. “Umaph li ese mehechen yesh ohem keze b'tacha chanasmi leka chazan kezu acharias.” The Rebbe says, “I’m shocked. I don’t know how these parents found the self-assurance to take upon themselves such a grave responsibility. I don’t understand how parents could do such a thing.” Then the Rebbe says, “Ein zen yandilishlech mishtadah sheyachaved lasis kedaiti.” It’s not-- It’s not my way to send police officers to ensure that people do what I say. The Rebbe says, “I’m not gonna send spies to your chasuna to make sure that there’s no mixed dancing.” “Ein zen yandilach lifna nasema.” I also-- It’s not my-- It’s not my way to force people to do things. “Vechelala,” says, “kvidaiti.” Uh, to force people to do things according to my opinion, that’s not what I do. “Gam ein zen yandelem meilum kashas.” And the Rebbe says, “It also isn’t really my way to say harsh things in the first place.” “Lachen. Retzenim simas mechtaveil dejaved dibur rachmets adach yubi.” Therefore, I’m only going to say the things that absolutely must be said at the end of this letter. And now the Rebbe says increasingly harsh things. “Kashas satias kamti le shidduch.” When I gave my askamah to the shidduch, when I said this shidduch, this match between these two people was a good idea, “Chaisi batuach,” I was sure

13:25 Speaker 1 that also the parents on their side would do everything that was dependent upon them, that they would keep their end of the deal. “Shebitim v'chasnam yoi yom uvtachim.” They would make sure that their daughter and that their son-in-law to be would end up being secure in their marriage. “Adkamash adash eferet,” at least as much as possible. “Laaser eshanim shrem yoo yachad,” that for the future years that they would be together, for the tens of years that they would be together, that their marriage would be a success. I gave this bracha, uh, expecting, says the Rebbe, that the parents would do their part to make it a success. “Umovan meilav shlefas makam sheachavrasa t'ken tiyam rutzotzel im rutzotza.” Certainly, I did not expect that you would give, uh, precedent to what your friends want or don't want over the needs of the long-term needs of this, of this married couple. “V'vachadei senah kedeshe tiyam rutzotza mematzav keze b'chasna.” And certainly, they didn't expect you to put your friends' desires over the desires of the Torah. Uh, “Uv'lechach izes becheshen satias kamti le shidduch.” And based on this assumption that everybody involved was going to do what they could to make this marriage work, that the Kallah and the Chassan were going to be good to each other, and that the parents were going to do everything they could to set them up for a successful life, I added my own vote to the team, says the Rebbe, “Kivi yachel.” I, I added on and I said,

14:28 Speaker 1 “Yes, this sounds like a good shidduch.” “Kamar liol. Even etzinim emeshe charatiya ptiv sech efshi levem b'chasna shesimcha memaynah.” And certainly, if you want this to be a wedding of joy, this is something we don't have time to get into right now, but you can't say the bracha of Simcha Memaynah at a mixed, at a mixed function according to Halacha. “Sheidese yiusmecha macha cach kol hahayim. Emes Shulchan Aruch Shechasus tzrich leyesim mechitza.” If you want them to be happy for the rest of their lives, you need to make sure that their wedding will have a mechitza. So the Rebbe's saying here, "I gave a bracha for this wedding. I said that the couple should be-- have a success-- have a successful life together, but that was based on an assumption that you weren't going to destroy it before it even got started by having mixed dancing at a wedding." To give you an idea of just how serious the Rebbe sees mixed dancing at a wedding and how destructive he sees it to the wedding itself. If you go back to that letter we just saw, now we can read this one sentence with a little more zest, I think. Uh, “Im t-- es rutzotz deilei ken es rutzotz deilei sata.” What happens on high will reflect what happens below, as we said in the previous letter. “Ki shemarim lemata,” when we show them below, “She nisuhi azug mevian lesimchas kir v'kanal,” when we show them that the unit- that the unity of this, of

15:25 Speaker 1 this couple has caused inappropriate actions like mixed dancing down here, “ Rachmana liclan,” terrible things might happen. And that's certainly the terrible things he's talking about here, saying that it endangers the long-term success of the couple when there is mixed dancing at their wedding. Now, in, uh, in response to those, the Rebbe's hinted at this. The Rebbe hinted this, um, uh, over here in this letter, the letter that we just saw. He said that there are some people who don't know the Dinei Shulchan Aruch, some of them don't care about the Dinei Shulchan Aruch, and some people are Kallah Adas. They are lenient, and they are okay with, uh, sacrificing the Shulchan Aruch. As for those people who are lenient and okay with sacrificing the Shulchan Aruch, the Rebbe has a letter for them too. What the Rebbe is referring to there is the fact that it is n- it is pretty clear in Poskim that it is asur to have mixed dancing. It's asur to do these things without mechitza. It's pretty clear. However, as you probably know, the way that Halakha works, if you are creative, you can make anything mutar. And there were certainly lenient Fromm rabbis, uh, lenient Orthodox rabbis at the time, and I assume even now, unfortunately, who have found some chet there somewhere to allow people to have mixed dancing at functions, mixed dancing at weddings, or to do things, things without a mechitza. And someone-- one such person, uh, wrote to the Rebbe. I don't think this

16:31 Speaker 1 was-- I don't think that the person who felt this way wrote to the Rebbe. I think somebody who was on the Rebbe side on the issue showed the Rebbe a letter that somebody was using to, uh, or maybe, uh, it sounds like maybe it was a pamphlet. Somebody put out something claiming that, uh, claiming you could be lenient when it came to mixed dancing, and someone showed this to the Rebbe. This letter, I didn't find it in, uh, Igris, although in theory it should be there 'cause it's a relatively early letter, but it's printed in the back of Likutei Sichos volume twenty-four on page four sixty-nine. It's a mechita from Vav Elul of Tav Shin Tes Vav. And the Rebbe says, "Ma pilag mechita rishon main Likutei Tovos." I'm shocked at the letter that you showed me, which was in, which was in response to mixed dancing. "Onum la'eze kol kach," to go-- ex-excuse me, "kol to go val mechita zeh." Did you really not have any comment on this letter? This letter was claiming that there were Halakhic sources that would allow it. And then the Rebbe says, "Kdai lahatch-- kedai hai lahatch mechita im mesipi ya'az teva sh'chulu ki tzuraz m-meha'idaaz m-m-m-m-maka radaf. Olvakas sh'zeirech la'akis b'tef shai lapshuta." So the Rebbe says, "I-I'd like you to show them. It would be nice if they put real sources there and really expand things. But in addition to all of that, I think that this person who wrote this letter that was going to

17:31 Speaker 1 allow mixed dancing should also ask a very basic question." Here's the basic question to ask in addition to the Halakha. "Eich l'achrei devarim burim ke'eilim g'dei l'achreinem?" How is it possible after such clear, uh, protest from the great achreinem, from the great, uh, Halakhic decisors of the past generation, "sh'nis kabal u'peskim b'seich hakomnei Yisrael," which had been-- which has been accepted as the definitive law among all the Jewish people, how is it possible given all that, "yeish dayan m'fakhu ke'mureitz l'amei acheires?" How is it possible that people still want to try to be creative and say other things? "Ima filu l'hai adeim m'taitav hapeil midikutevei zeh idees lakol," uh, do they not even know i-i-- or even-- insofar as they don't know, uh, uh, give me a second, and I'll tell you what I-- what, what, what this means in context. "Ima filu l'hai adeim m'taitav hapeil," if they didn't even know, as if they didn't know the-- and that's the way to do it, as if they didn't know the natural outcome of this, the actual outcome of all mixed dancing, which is known for all people, bichulus. The Rebbe is saying here, in response to people who wanna get Halakhically creative, I wanna say that if we, uh, as they say in Yeshiva, use your thumb, right? To make a case that if you use the right sources and squint your eyes just so, you can make mixed dancing not so bad or maybe even mutar or maybe mutar to have, uh, dancing

18:38 Speaker 1 without a mechitza between them. The Rebbe says, setting aside the fact that first of all, it's very clear that it's asur, and setting aside the fact that all of the a-- that all of the great achreinem made this, uh, made this decision, and deci-- setting aside the fact that this has been accepted as, as psak, as definitive Halakha by all, uh, by all Halakhic authorities of our generation across all Jewish people, setting all that aside, d-can't you use your sechel a little bit? Don't you understand that when people dance, when people-- when there's mixed dancing at things, negative things happen? The Rebbe says, uh, "I-I'm not interested in this. People are creative with Halakha." Now, I think again, this is something that can be expanded to a lot of other areas. There is, uh, there's a lot of room for Halakha creativity. And, uh, very frequently, somebody clever will say, "Hey, you know, uh, out of convenience, I think that we can allow something that has historically been asur and that is very clearly forbidden in all the books." I think the Rebbe's go-to response to such a thing is, first of all, how dare you? First of all, how dare you go against the tradition? But second of all, are you really blind to the reason why this is so important? Like, don't, don't you realize that this can lead to very negative things? This is the Rebbe's response to that. There's a sicha where the Rebbe says something very similar and really expands

19:39 Speaker 1 it. And, uh, although we don't usually read, uh, long-ish bits of sicha, this one is just too enjoyable not to. This is in Todes Menachem. It's in, uh, Tav Shin Lamed Beis. Uh, it is in volume-- I don't have the volume here. I'm sorry. It's the Samech Ches, I believe, because that's the one that-- it's the only one that Etz HaChaim was missing, so I had to print it myself, which is why it's, like, sideways. Anyway, if you look on page three seventy-five, uh, this is a sicha from Shabbos Parshas Naso Yud Daled Teves of Tav Shin Lamed Beis, and in, in the, uh, entry Tes Zayin, about halfway down, the Rebbe says this. The Rebbe says, "Vashkach apratis." Somebody this week sent me a letter asking about mixed dancing. Now, I wish this was the letter I just showed you. It's not, given the date, but we don't have the letter. We don't have the letter. We have a-- we have similar letters that are, that are cited below the line, but we don't have, we don't have a copy of this letter. Somebody sent the Rebbe a letter regarding mixed dancing at a wedding and asked the Rebbe, "What's so asur about it? What exactly is the isur? And why do we make such a big deal about it, a gantz a shturim about it, "fratishe shaychos v'chasdos," specifically when it comes to a wedding? "Mes even letayn," this person went on to claim that, uh, protesting this can end up causing machlikos.

20:40 Speaker 1 It can cause people to argue, which is certainly asur. So this person wrote to the Rebbe using, uh, using very reasonable-sounding language. He says to the Rebbe, "I don't understand. I don't think mixed dancing is all that asur. I can find Halakhic sources that will more or less allow it. Certainly, when it comes to a wedding, you really wanna ruin a wedding, and, uh, protesting this can cause arguments, and all I know for sure is that machlikos is forbidden." This g-- this person sounds like the good guy, right? People, people who say, "Don't fight," are usually the good guys, right? The Rebbe does not agree here. "Vechehen. Neis is the kash. Shekin teirois srum apidin." The Rebbe says, "In addition to the fact that mixed dancing is certainly forbidden according to Halakha, in, uh, leaving aside the Rambam who holds that it's a nisadui Risa, that is a Torah prohibition, uh, it's true that most poskim," I'm just reading the Rebbe and translating. "Is that most poskim, uh, say that it's not nisadui Risa, uh, that it's, uh, that nonetheless, 'ad is a davar asur.' Fact is, Rambam would say it's a Torah problem. All the other poskim would say it's more of a rabbinic problem. Nonetheless, it's a davar asur. That's straight up. It's definitely forbidden. "Yesh l'va'ad kama mufrach adavar." In addition to the fact that I could have just responded in this letter, says the Rebbe, by telling him it's straight up asur, I would also like to explain just how, just

21:42 Speaker 1 how rejected this idea is, just how inappropriate this idea is. "Vazvar p'shuta pashat shasan yanim, ve'evin shegam adashim shotim ligam v'kai le'adas." I want to explain this in a simple way that even very simple people, "kai le'adas she, sh-heim elu ha'shelim," who are the people who are asking, "yavin u'zei s'sichlam" that even they will be able to understand. So the Rebbe says, "I could explain to you that it's asur api Halakha, but I would like to add on to this an explanation that even very simple-minded people can understand," and the Rebbe puts in, it's in parenthesis here. You know who those simple-minded people are? People who would dare say they have Halakhic grounds to allow mixed dancing. Those simple people, simpletons like them, I have explanations for them, too. And then the Rebbe adds here that is actually the "shita of Chabad," that all things in Halakha should be something that we can explain to the average person. And although people should, uh, should accept, uh, every one of the-- uh, all, all din with Kabbalas Ol and say as a way of Simcha, we do have to explain things in ways that work with the Sechel. Now, the Rebbe gives the explanation in Yud Zai in A Beer Basa. He says, "Here's the explanation. What's the Sechel in a chasuna? What happens by a wedding? Everybody stands by the chuppah, and the beginning of the chuppah is Kidush. There's, there's a Kidush, and the ikar of the chuppah is the Kidush, and the, uh,

22:42 Speaker 1 the, the Kidush. Shechasin, the chassan says to the kallah, "You are mekudeshes li," which means that all the inyanim of chasuna, the whole idea of the chasuna is to create a connection between the husband and the wife. Uh, specifically to make sure that no indivi-no other individual ever gets involved between them, that it's only the two of them and nobody else, and that's why we say a bracha by Sheva Brachos, Simcha B'meah, that this is a joy in its time. It's HaKadosh Baruch Hu's joy in that time when we have a chassan and kallah together with nobody else in between. This is the whole point of the chasuna, says the Rebbe. This is what everybody hopes for. It's what the brachos that the parents give, that the relatives give, that the friends give. They all give a bracha that should be a Binyan Adeyada, they should build an everlasting home, Bedereish Yamim Baruch, with an upright generation that is blessed. Everybody gives them a bracha that they should stay together for the rest of their lives. And that it should be an easy marriage and a pleasant marriage. And if their marriage doe-ever does have any difficulties, that they will promise to work very hard not to end the marriage, God forbid. Since that is the theme of the entire chasuna, the two people should be together, they're gonna work on their marriage, and they're going to make sure that nothing gets in the way of it, anything that could have it the opposite effect

23:58 Speaker 1 does not belong at a chasuna. Anything that displays that we do not value, uh, the, the, uh, the exclusivity between a husband and a wife is something that doesn't belong in a wedding. And al derech that earlier letter that we saw, the Rebbe now expands this throughout this sicha and says that obviously . Obviously, mixed dancing, that makes no sense at a wedding. Immediately after the chuppah, immediately after the wedding, you go and do something that is the opposite of the intent of the chasuna, of the intent of the wedding in the first place. The inyan of a chasuna is that the chassan and kallah should stay together without any mixing. And then immediately you show the whole world that's not actually what you care about. That one man is gonna dance with a-another man's wife. It's-- you're, you're, you're undoing everything you said in the wedding. A bunch of people give the chassan and kallah brachos saying, "We hope that you two will be exclusive forever," and then they go and dance with whoever they want. The Rebbe says, he adds here, . This sounding familiar? This is the Sechel that reflects all the letters we've been seeing. In addition to that, whatever happens down here will cause something on high. If you really want mazel tov, mazel tov doesn't just mean good luck, it means, uh-- or, or congratulations. It means a good mazel. If you want their, uh, their, uh, their lot in life to end up well, their fate, if you

25:13 Speaker 1 will, to go in the right direction, then don't do something that is the opposite of what you hope they will have. That will ruin the mazel tov. You can break a mazel tov through mixed dancing by demonstrating that you s- you say with your m- you say with your mouth you want this, you want this couple to be exclusively together forever, but then you show with your hands and your feet that you don't care about exclusivity, you tarnish and break and potentially endanger the mazel tov of the wedding. And all of this that I just said, that's all in addition to the basic rule which is, it's asur. So the basic answer to somebody saying, "Why can't we have mixed dancing?" is it's asur. And on top of that, you're breaking the wedding, you're ruining the wedding. But, uh, that, that's all, that, that, that's all sort of fluff. The real reason? It simply is forbidden. It's difficult sometimes to explain to people why-- how asur works, that they should not do things that are forbidden according to Halakha. Therefore, we need a second explanation for people who aren't, uh, intimidated by the fact that something is asur. You can at least explain to them that dancing at a-- that mixed dancing at, uh, right after a wedding is contrary to basic . The Rebbe saying here in this paragraph is incredibly powerful for us. It is that, that if, if possibly we should tell people, uh, when they ask us why things are allowed

26:31 Speaker 1 or not allowed, that Halakha is Halakha, muter is muter, and asur is asur. But there are certain people who don't value that, and for the people who don't value that, we need explanations that work with their . We-- where we, where we can explain to them intellectually why this doesn't make sense. And in the case of mixed dancing, it's not just something that's asur, it's also something that doesn't make sense. So if you find somebody who is unable to accept the Halakhic position on this, turn to the logical position on this. How can you say mazel tov to a couple stan- to a couple standing together exclusively, and then immediately after show that exclusivity does not matter all that much? Last thing i wanna show you, and I know we're over time, but it's a quick thing, is that this is printed in a, this is printed in, uh, Mr. Manchester, the book about, uh, about, uh... Wow, it just flew out of my head.

27:11 Speaker 2 Zalman Jaffe.

27:12 Speaker 1 There we go, Zalman Jaffe. We have a whole-- Thank you. We have a whole, uh, we have a whole, like, I think two-part, uh, Igeres series on Zalman Jaffe, and we went through a lot of these letters. Uh, Zalman Jaffe had written to the Rebbe and he'd showed him that there'd been a bit of a victory, and he showed him the victory. The victory was that there had been mixed dancing had been bared-- had been banned in synagogue affairs in Manchester. That there had been a rule that the Beis Din had made that all synagogues in England were not allowed to have mixed dancing anymore. And in this clipping that the, that, uh, that Zalman Jaffe triumphantly sent to the Rebbe, here's what it says. It's hard to read 'cause it's a little bit, uh, blurry on your screen. But the newspaper article, which was printed in nineteen sixty, says, "From Manchester. The ban against dancing by Jewish men and women applies only to synagogues, the president of the Community Council here hastened to announce. Sidney Hamburger said that the ruling against mixed dancing applied only to dances held to raise funds for synagogues. The ruling by judges of the Beth Din had no intention of interfering with other Jewish dances, it was said. One observer, Dr. I.W. Slulled," or something, "said according to the Jewish Chronicle of London, pointed out that in Judaism there is not one law for synagogues and another for laymen, but evidently was not in the confidence of the Dayanim,

28:14 Speaker 1 who are the judges." That is what it says in the, uh, in the Chronicle of London. So the Rebbe put a question mark, exclamation point next to this clipping, uh, as if he was not happy about it. And Zalman Jaffe wrote back to the Rebbe saying, "Why are you not happy? This is very exciting. We got mixed dancing outlawed at synagogues in London." The Rebbe answered that on the third of Cheshvan, uh, fifty-seven twenty-one. That was nineteen-- October twenty-fourth of nineteen sixty, and, uh, this is printed on chabad.org. And it was, of course, originally written in English, as are most of the letters, uh, to Zalman Jaffe, maybe all of them. The Rebbe says, "Referring to the newspaper clipping, my intention was to call to attention the fact that it was not necessary to, to publicize that mixed dancing outside the synagogue affairs could be connoned or approved by the Beth Din. It is true that progress has to be made step by step, but while one is still in the first step, it is not necessary to say that the second step is in order. At any rate, may God grant that every aspect of Yiddishkeit in your community will advance step by step in accordance with the Torah, Torah's Chaim." So the Rebbe's not happy that the newspaper article said that the Beth Din has succeeded in outlawing dancing in, uh, shuls, and of course, it is still permissible outside of shuls. The Rebbe didn't want that. The Rebbe says, "I understand that

29:15 Speaker 1 we haven't gotten there yet and everything is step by step, but we're hoping to get there. We would like to outlaw dancing absol-- outlaw mixed dancing absolutely everywhere." So, uh, there's no reason to say that the second step has not yet happened, uh, because that, that, that sort of draws a line. I mean, you can kind of see that from the article. It sounds like from the article that, uh, that there will never be a second ban, that there will be a ban on shul functions, but that as long as you're not in a shul, the men and women will b- always be able to dance together and that the Beth Din will never pr- pr- prevail upon the people to do the right things. The Rebbe's not happy with that language. And this is, again, a, I think, general principle that we can pull out, that, uh, that the Rebbe does not want-- Even if we end up stopping short of a complete victory in a certain area, the Rebbe doesn't necessarily want us pointing out that we didn't get the second half, 'cause we're hoping to one day be able to get everything. That is to, uh, to have Halakha spread not just within the shul, but outside of the shul as well. So the letters we saw today, the first one that we saw told us that was, uh, somebody was trying to decide whether to send a letter protesting mixed dancing, and the Rebbe said, "Do it. Even if you think

30:09 Speaker 1 it won't have any effect, uh, it will have an effect at least on individuals. At least write to the Rav of the shul first as a way of showing him honor." We had a second letter, uh, sorry, this was a sikha, that said that people generally gather to dance for the same reason they gather to eat, because their neshamah wants it, but they end up sometimes turning toward inappropriate things. So we just need to redirect them. So when a person wants to eat, we need to redirect them towards kosher food. And when a person wants to dance, that comes from their neshamah, we need to direct them toward muter kosher dancing, which is of course with the mechitza and only separate. We had a letter, the classic letter on the topic. It said that mixed dancing is the opposite of a theme of a wedding. It causes danger to the marriage, and this is a theme, of course, that we saw developed in the sikha later on. We had a letter where the Rebbe says that he, when he gave his berakha for a couple to have a successful marriage, he was assuming that nobody was going to be trying to sabotage his efforts of giving that berakha, and the parents having a mixed dancing at their wedding in order to make some of their friends happy was, uh, was sabotaging his efforts. We had in response to somebody saying that there is Halakhic basis for allowing mixed dancing, the Rebbe said, "I don't understand

31:06 Speaker 1 where you're coming from. First of all, the Acharonim and the Poskim say no. And in addition to that, don't you see how negative this is? Don't you see how much this harms things?" At long-- At last, we saw a, uh, we saw a longer sikha from the Rebbe, where he says, "I received a letter from someone saying that al pi Halakha, they think maybe it would make sense for us to avoid arguments and not make fights at weddings and just allow mixed dancing." The Rebbe says, "Besides the fact that it's asur, and we should just tell people it's asur and you can't do things that are forbidden, there are certain simpletons, like the one asking this question, who need logical explanations. Let me give you a logical one. You can't come to a chasuna, say the most important thing in the world is that this couple should stay together exclusiv- exclusively forever, and then put your hands all over each other. Obviously, that doesn't work." And the last thing that we saw is that, uh, Zalman Jaffe had sent the Rebbe a sort of-- victoriously sent the Rebbe a le- sent the Rebbe a newspaper clipping showing that the, uh, the Beth Din had ruled that there was not going to be any more mixed dancing in shuls, and that newspaper article had noted that mixed dancing was still allowed outside of shuls. And the Rebbe says, "I understand this is a step-by-step process, but don't you go se- don't go publicizing the fact that

32:03 Speaker 1 we don't have a complete victory yet. Ultimately, step by step, we will get to the point where Yidden will not be involved in mixed dancing at all." Okay. Thank you all very much.