הסגולה הטובה ביותר לשידוך (לנשים)

00:00 Speaker 1 This is Igris. We're looking from letters-- at letters from about fifty years ago. This letter is from Zion Tevis of Tavshin Lamed Daled. The letter is designated Yud Aleph Lamed Aleph, and, uh, we have here a simple one-line letter. The Rebbe writes, and we should look at the footnote. The footnote says that this is, uh, written on the margin of a request for a bracha for a shidduch. So somebody wrote to the Rebbe asking for a bracha for a match, that they should find somebody to marry. And the Rebbe writes back, "Alela achlit b'teich v'matim." This person, in response, should make a achlata. They should make a resolution with proper teich, with proper seriousness, with proper strength, a real resolution. "Ki shtinaset na bayis apiterah," that when she does get married, she will run her house according to Torah. That is, specifically says the Rebbe, "Tahas mishpacha, kashrus, shmiras Shabbos u'yom tov v'cholum." So that is family purity, kashrus, Shabbos u'yom tov, et cetera, other things. "V'zeh mamshich birchas Hashem." This will bring a bracha from Hashem. So somebody wrote to the Rebbe asking for a bracha for a shidduch, and the Rebbe writes back a segula. And, uh, if you're familiar with segulas for shidduchim, you know they're usually pretty crazy. There are some really wild things people do to get a shidduch. I think there's a, uh, what's the, uh, the-- there's a gravesite near Tzfat where people walk around it like seven times, and if they walk around in the other direction,

01:13 Speaker 1 they get a shidduch.

01:14 Speaker 2 Amuka, Yannison ben Azeel.

01:15 Speaker 1 Amuka, that's right. And, uh, you could say tehillim, you can give a lot of money to people so that they will daven for you to get a shidduch. It's very interesting. What we're going to see today is that across years, across letters, again and again, when people ask the Rebbe for a bracha for a shidduch, he doesn't usually give weird segulas. He almost invariably tells them that if they decide, and not just decide, but really decide, decide b'teich, with a real promise and a real surety that they're going to run their lives in a Jewish way, God sends them a shidduch. And he's actually going to say in one of the letters we'll see at the end that sometimes when a shidduch doesn't come quickly enough or they start and stop a whole lot, it's because that resolution is not firm enough. So this is the Rebbe's advice across letters and across years that a real strong resolution to run the house according to Torah and mitzvahs, specifically, he's gonna reference again and again, taharas mishpacha, kashrus, and Shabbos, that when a woman specifically makes that achlata, she is sent her shidduch. Why am I saying a woman specifically? I believe in all the letters i'm going to show you, the Rebbe's writing to a woman. So that's, uh, two things to notice. Thing number one is that it might just be that women more frequently are worried about shidduchim, which is certainly the case. It also could be that the Rebbe has different advice

02:18 Speaker 1 for men who are looking for a shidduch. But certainly when it comes to women looking for shidduchim, this is all over Igris, that th- that she needs to make achlata and really mean it, that she's gonna run her life in a Jewish way and run her house in a Jewish way. And when she does that, she's sent a shidduch. Let's look at the next letter. This one is from the year Tavshin Yud Beis, so very early in the Nesius, nineteen fifty-two. It's from Yud Gimel Tammuz, Tavshin Yud Beis, and the letter is designated Yud Aleph-- excuse me, Aleph Tav Shin Hey. And the Rebbe writes, "Bracha Shalom," again to a woman. "Hini meshech kabalas mechtava mi-seven twenty-two, vemiteh eres et matzva biyadus." I received your letter on July twenty-second, where you wrote to me about your situation in Yiddishkeit. "Mesifa gam," and you also added, "Shelo retz l'aftiah lekabbal achlata chazaka," that you're not ready right now to take on a serious resolution. "Keneni yadas ech asid yestader." This woman writes to the Rebbe saying that she's growing in Yiddishkeit, but she wants-- doesn't want to really pull the trigger, so to speak. She doesn't want to decide that she's frum or take on real achlatas because she's worried that maybe in the future, she doesn't know what's gonna happen. Maybe she's gonna get a different kind of job. Maybe she'll get a different kind of husband. She's not married yet. She doesn't want to make these resolutions in a formative stage of her life.

03:22 Speaker 1 And the Rebbe's not happy with this. The Rebbe writes, "Vetzeini lad gish labaze," I want to emphasize this to you. "Kivshe yirasi lab mechtavim Gimel Tammuz," just like I wrote to you earlier on Gimel Tammuz. "Sheyadu al chol shom midam yestiamas tole asid baadam atzmei," that everybody knows that most of the future is dependent on the person themselves. You can't say, "I don't know where the future's gonna take me." Most of the future is up to you. "Umiycham dinugei ala. Hare kfi shekasve la, zeh atzmi shtikabal atzme achlata chazaka be'emes." And if you will take on, as you write to me, if you will take on this achlata, if you will take on these resolutions to become more frum and to take Yiddishkeit more seriously, and specifically, "Lanheeg bayis Yehudi," to run a Jewish house, "taharas mishpacha, mitbach kasha," that is family purity, a kosher kitchen, "shmiras Shabbos," keeping Shabbos, "vesha'acheres lo yitaachen," and that there is no other option that will work for you if you decide this is what you're gonna do, and you will not take no for an answer, "Zeh atzmi yavi yesh maheras yivugam yud," that's gonna bring you your shidduch. So you're worried that maybe you're gonna find a shidduch who's not gonna be happy with your lifestyle changes, don't wanna make these decisions before you've gotten married. No, the best way to get married is to make these lifestyle decisions. Decide right now you're not gonna take anything else. God's gonna send you a shidduch. "Vezeh at yashpia

04:28 Speaker 1 azivug gihiyakaze shuatvi kaymas kol zeh." This not only will send you a shidduch, it will also spiritually turn your zivug, turn your, uh, bashert into somebody who is keeping these mitzvahs. You can affect your future husband this way. "Oi shtuchal ashpia zeh salav," or at the very least, give yourself the ability to affect him. "Ve'edach lachtet kiva bashai lezu," and then the Rebbe says the opposite. "Nai kaf ol yer." "Heidach lachtet kiva bashai lezu." If you do not make a firm resolution that you're gonna be frum and run your house in a religious way, "machlish es n'kudas hamoras." This weakens those two points. "Heines etzma shidduch," this weakens the possibility of you finding a shidduch. "Pen sheshidduch yikazem atim l'n'kudas elu," and it weakens the possibility of you finding a shidduch who will be okay with this lifestyle. So the Rebbe says, if you make this resolution, you're gonna find a shidduch, and the shidduch's going to like what you're doing. And if you don't make this resolution, the opposite. Uh, he adds, just-- this isn't so much on our topic, but I need to read you the end of the letter to you 'cause it's so interesting. The Rebbe says, "Mash min hitzelus al ikabal zachlata hulule yased." The fact that you're wavering and deciding you don't want to take resolutions, this is baseless. "Ki zeh davar shenegei ala atzma yesem lechadem ba'elim." The Rebbe has a second point. The second point is she's saying, "I don't know if my job's gonna influence me

05:33 Speaker 1 in the future, my husband. I don't want to make resolutions about my future." The Rebbe says, "What matters more to you? The thing that should matter most to you in the entire world is your future. Don't let other people dictate your decision-making." So he says to her that, "Negei ala atzmi yesem lechadem ba'elim." This matters to you more than anybody else. "Ein zeh ela cham tvekave." It's just pain. "Ki sheref shesh lavshars lashpia asid vekivan ziv vekivan tey." It's painful to see that you could have an effect on your future in a positive way. "Ve'einei nechezet bezemesh tey adam," and you're not grabbing this with both hands. The Rebbe says it's very strange to find somebody who really could make their future better and chooses not to do it because they're worried about how other people might react to it. So this is a very strange question to begin with. Ani gam meivin, the Rebbe says, "I do understand." Shelo einin lehavin bam tzaras ha-sechel, ketsad hachaltas shela yichel la-shpi al shtei de-kudas hamuros. "I do understand that I'm telling you something spiritual and that you not-- might not be able to understand in your mind intellectually how you making a firm resolution to lead a Jewish life is going to bring you a shidduch or influence your future shidduch." Avak kasha mes medinim raey b'biror. "But if you think about it a little bit, you'll see very clearly." Shehas sechel b'vinim rak chelek atam ba-olam. "That the fact is a very small portion of

06:35 Speaker 1 the world can be understood using your intellect." U'v'rav v'ram sh'esemuch rachmi smech al Hashem b'yireihu, Hashem boruch hu. "Most things we have to rely on Hashem." This is just-- I, I-- this is in a letter where you wouldn't expect to find it, but it's a, it's a life lesson right here, is that people say all the time, "I don't understand how this can get-- how, how this makes sense." And the Rebbe's answer is, "Most things don't make sense." It shouldn't surprise you that something that works doesn't make sense. The vast majority of things that work don't make sense, and most cases you just have to rely on Hashem. So for people to say, "I don't wanna do something unless it makes sense," I don't know about that. Most things don't make a whole lot of sense. Hini mikabah Shem Hashem yitbarach u'ten la'as da'ayan tov. As the Rebbe writes, "That I hope that Hashem will give you the good idea, the good advice, l'kabah ha'hachlata, to actually take on these positive resolutions in your Yiddishkeit, sh'nemer la'ah, shetiva u'raba gashmius v'ruchnius, which will be good for you in physicality and spirituality." So what we have now is two letters from the Rebbe. They both say the same thing, just ours was very short and this one's very long, and that is that the real segulah for a shidduch, if you really want, specifically for women, if a woman really wants to find her match, the way to do it is to make a firm chazak--

07:36 Speaker 1 to make a firm hachlata, a firm resolution that she's going to run her home in a Jewish way. And if she decides that, that will give her the shidduch, and if not, maybe not. The tried and true segulah. We have here from the year Taf Shin Yud Dalet. The letter is Beis Shin Yud Tes. Yep. And the Rebbe writes bracha v'shalom again to a woman. This is Chavsei Achim Tes Tav Shin Yud Dalet.

07:58 Speaker 2 Can you please put the letters up on the screen? I'm sorry.

08:01 Speaker 1 Oh, I'm looking at letters and not showing you letters? That's super embarrassing. One moment. I've literally been pointing to things and, like, highlighting things. You could have said something earlier.

08:14 Speaker 2 I did. I sent you a message in the chat, but you didn't pick it up.

08:17 Speaker 1 I'm busy talking. Sorry. There we go. That was the first letter. There's the second letter. Here's the third letter. Here we go. You also have all these letters in the WhatsApp group, by the way. But thank you. Okay. Here, Beis Shin Yud Tes, the Rebbe writes, uh, bracha v'shalom. Once again, we're going to see the Rebbe's segulah for shidduchim. It is a firm resolution that you're going to keep Torah and mitzvahs. Al dover bita techiah emes v'shidduchim. "Regarding your daughter who is close to shidduchim," or in the East Parsha, as they say. Hi ni tzrichah laftiach. "She needs to promise." Bavarnan. Now, uh, that usually means, like, to clarify, right? What, what-- How, how is this being used here?

08:53 Speaker 2 Bavarnan is to forewarn, like heads up.

08:56 Speaker 1 Okay. That she promises-- So why, why does that word need to be there? That's, like, part of laftiach.

09:01 Speaker 2 Hmm.

09:02 Speaker 1 I don't know. Anyway-

09:03 Speaker 2 Bavarnan

09:03 Speaker 1 ... sh'kabah hachlata gemurah al atma.

09:04 Speaker 2 Bavarnan means like, uh, um, it means like either to forewarn or to point out, like, uh, bavarnan, I wanna point out something.

09:11 Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know what it's doing here. Okay. Anyway, she needs to promise that she will sh'kabah hachlata gemurah al atma, that she's going to take hachlata gemurah al atma of a firm resolution, a complete resolution on herself. Ki sheyazamin la shidduch tov, that when she does find a good shidduch, t'nag beis Yehudi, that she's going to run a Jewish house. Shmiras tas misbachah, that is keeping family purity. Achilas kosher, kosher food. Shmiras Shabbes, keeping Shabbos. V'kashah tachlit ken b'chol hameah chuzim. When she does make that resolution one hundred percent, yasmin la Hashem yitbarach shidduch, shidduch hamatim. God is going to send her a proper shidduch. Ve'ein tzrich lihiboish midavar im bita pam-- midavar im bita pam veshtayim. "You, the mother, should not be embarrassed to speak to your daughter once or twice about this," ve'eser, "or many times about this," bevano matim, "in appro-- in an appropriate way." Ad sh'tipeeles la kanal. "Until you're able to have this effect on her." V'Hashem yisbarach, yaaze b'bas tevi-- b'bas b'suras tevis bazan. "We should hear good news," the Rebbe writes a bracha. So here the Rebbe is once again saying that the segulah for a shidduch, for a girl at least, is that she should make a firm resolution that she is going to run a Jewish home. He once again lists the same mitzvahs that he's listed in all of our prior letters, that is tas misbachah, kashrus, and Shabbos. And again, there's the emphasis that she needs to really make a firm resolution, needs

10:17 Speaker 1 to be meah chuzim, needs to be one hundred percent firm resolution that she is gonna live her life this way, and when that happens, God's gonna send her a shidduch. And here he tells a parent that if you're worried about your kid having trouble with shidduchim, you shouldn't be uncomfortable to sit down with her once, twice, many times, and explain to her that the firmer her resolution to run a Jewish home, the more likely her shidduch will appear. Another one, Taf Shin Yud Zayin. We're going up in dates. This letter is labeled Heh Reish Nun Tes, and the Rebbe writes, bracha v'shalom, to a woman, ma'anam achtavim yom five three. The Rebbe's responding to her letter. And he says, kashi tedi shmai ivri beteir v'shem ima. "If you give me your name and your mother's name in Hebrew," askireh lebracha lemisha al levav lamativ, vefrat min hashidduch tov u'matim. "I will then mention you for a bracha , that all of your heart's desires should be fulfilled, specifically your request that you should have a good and proper shidduch." Omidin ad mehi kadim bezeh. "One of the main ways to get a good and proper shidduch," shema rabir chazal ve'amanig be'amor, "to get the bracha v'Hashem quickly, uh, the one who controls the world in the following w-- i-i-in, in the way that you indicated." So one of the ways to make this happen, sh'tachlit b'teikav hachigadol, that she should make a hachlata, that she should-- And notice again the lashon, he keeps on using

11:24 Speaker 1 this. This isn't a regular hachlata. There's a hachlata b'teikav hachigadol. This is a very firm resolution, the most firm resolution. Asher kashim atzah zivug hamatim v'sinasa, "that when you do find your proper match and get married," tadi beis al yisa torah v'mitzvah, ki az libnei siudim amitiyes. "That you will decide that you are going to ra-- that you are going to run your home on the basis of Torah and mitzvahs as befits a Jewish-- a proper Jewish girl." V'shmiras kulkevidina tas misbachah, "specifically with family purity," kashrus, shmiras Shabbos, v'chulu, the three things the Rebbe always mentions in these letters. V'reiv muhash, "and we see explicitly," shekol zeh tali v'ratzon isha balas bayis. "The reason why I'm saying this to you," and this might explain why this is the advice the Rebbe specifically seems to give women and not men, "is that all of this really depends on the woman who is the balas bayis, the woman who controls the home." Ve'ein l'chadevar ebneir ratzon, "nothing can stand before your will." V'kash shem Yisbarach hu l'levav, l'lev, l'levav yira sh-- y-yiraesh, y-yiraeh, yira, yiraeh. Sh'tachlit bezeh, amadas l'kayim ken peh. "When Hashem will see, when Hashem who is blessed will see in her hearts-" That this is a firm resolution that she intends to actually carry out practically, then, "Tizkar vayeide zeh b'irchas, b'irchas Hashem yisbaroch sh'timatzas bevuga b'kar mamash." God will give her a bracha. The bracha will come close, it will come quickly, that she should soon find her shadchan. So once again, almost

12:36 Speaker 1 in the exact same fashion of the other ones, although being said a little bit more at length, maybe a little differently, is that the Rebbe's advice, if you want a segula for shidduchim, it might not be walking around a grave seven times. It might be deciding very firmly that you're going to keep Torah and Mitzvahs in your home, specifically for women. The end of this letter doesn't have really anything to do with that, but the end of the letter here, she seems to have trouble finding a job in Eretz Yisrael as somebody in the healthcare field. And he says to her, "I don't really understand why that would be a problem. They're always hiring in healthcare in Eretz Yisrael. What's going on?" He-- she also is concerned that maybe she won't get hired 'cause she doesn't speak the language so well. He says, "You know enough Hebrew, and I think that maybe you're just not trying hard enough." That's what he says down here, "I think maybe you're just not trying hard enough. Maybe you try a little bit harder, you're gonna find a job." And then down here, we have a PS we've seen a couple times before. We really should do a share on sometimes that, uh, that this letter was written to the Rebbe in French, and although the Rebbe does read French, they can't write back in French, so the letter is written in Hebrew. I do find it funny, I will note, that she complains in the letter that her

13:27 Speaker 1 Hebrew is not very good, and she is receiving a letter in Hebrew. So good luck to her in any event. Another letter for your consideration. This is from the year Tuv Shin Yud Tes. The letter is labeled "Vuv, Tuv, Tuv, Yud, Beis." We're gonna skip the first section 'cause the lady talks about a headache she's having, and then afterwards she writes about her-- the Rebbe writes to the headache lady about her niece. "Beis ratzoni hazkiras de dat sa tichya al tzion hakodesh of the Frii Rebbe. Lemitzach la-lamatim lateich and kasava." I'll mention your, your, uh, your niece's name by the tzion of the Frii Rebbe. "Uprabin agein lashiduch lamatim," specifically when it comes to her having a proper shidduch. "V'al dedat tichya laachlit petech." If she wants a shidduch though, here's what she's gotta do. Yes. "Sh'kashi t'naseh t'nai b'se karai l'basi shidduch kashera." That when she does get married, she need to m- make a firm resolution. That when she does get married, she is going to run her house in a way that befits a Jewish girl who is kosher, and that is with Shmiras Haas Mishpacha, keeping family purity, Shmiras Shabbos, keeping Shabbos, and achilas kosher, and eating kosher food, v'khulu, et cetera. "Vehamizbar hacharei l'levav," this is actually the same lesson as the last one. God who sees the heart, "Asher achlit petech v'emes gam taseken," that if he sees in this girl's heart that she really does-- that she really did make a firm and real resolution, that she really

14:39 Speaker 1 will do these things, "Ya'azmi lashidduch tov." He will then send her a proper shidduch. God sits around waiting to send proper shidduchim to see whether somebody's going to run their house properly. "V'al derah zeh u'gabin agein la'achei s'tichya," this also applies to her sister, who apparently also needed a shidduch, and the Rebbe writes a signature and a bracha for a Chag Pesach kasher v'sameach. We have one more letter to look at along these lines, and it is this one. It is-- This is from Tuv Shin Yud Ches. The letter is labeled, "Hey, Tuv, Tuv, Kuf, Nun, Zayin," and the Rebbe writes, "Bracha v'shalom." I will point out again, all of these letters are written to women. I believe this is the Rebbe's advice. If you were looking for a shita here, as we do in the class, it seems to me that when a woman writes to the Rebbe saying she's having shidduch trouble, the Rebbe will almost always tell her that if she makes a firm achlah to run her home in a kosher way because she's in charge of the home, that God will send her that shidduch. "Ma'ad anach tavim yom" sixteen twelve. I guess that's maybe December sixteenth. I, I don't know. "V'kesev sh'zeh ezah pamu shehatsiah lain yana b'shidduchim." She writes to me, says the Rebbe, that they've mentioned you, you, you've been involved in shidduchim many times. "Avak sh'mizkar v'davlidi gamar." It gets close to the end of the thing, almost engaged, I guess, "li atzmi zer dover," but

15:42 Speaker 1 then it doesn't pan out. "V'sh'eles lasiba zeh." You ask for a reason for this, "ma le'alaseh." She's been dating, things seem to get close, she's not losing every-- she's not losing the guy on the first date every time. Seems things are getting near the completion, near wedding, and then something happens. "I wanna know why," she writes to the Rebbe, and the Rebbe says, "Guess what?" "V'ne, b'rei v'pamin," in most cases. Now this is again, we're trying to find a shitas. When the Rebbe writes "b'rei v'pamin," he's also saying this is usually the case. "B'rei v'pamin," in the majority of cases, "zeh om y'ne sh'ein machlitim emes livnei s'bayis b'Yisrael achrei achas na'aseh teirath mitzvos." In most cases, says the Rebbe. This is the Rebbe saying, "rei," in the majority of cases, if shidduchim keep on getting called off, it is because the girl has not decided with firm resolution that she is going to, after the wedding, build her home on the foundations of Torah and Mitzvahs. "Sh'lachein Hashem yisbarach yis'alah mechakah etzman." So God makes the shidduch get called off because God's waiting for her. "Mechakah etzman," he gives her a little bit more time. "U'lei bein taiym yakir es emes lamitasai." Maybe in t-- maybe in the interim, she will figure out the truth. "Shehach rachia dava sheyodisu unvachayim achizei zeh et nesein et nes chaiyim." That she'll recognize that it is absolutely obligatory, that it must happen, that her life afterwards is lived according to the Torah, the Torah's Chaim. "Umovon she'ikar

16:49 Speaker 1 bezeh." It's understood the ikar in this, "Shmiras chukki Torah u'chukei v'dinah toras u'mishpacha." What are the most important points? Family purity, Shabbos, v'kashas machal u'mkulu, the same three things the Rebbe always mentions. "Ki shetachli bezeh b'emes u'tech v'darosh." If she does make this revolution-- resolution in truth and with proper strength, "She'im aphilu yihya eizek shuyim tisnai g'chiyos lebas sar rifka roch ha'olei," that she resolves that even if she runs into certain difficulties in this area, she will continue to conduct herself as befits a "dan sar rifka roch ha'olei." "Yamtzi lasham yisbarach zivuga teiv lefnaiha." Then God will send the proper shidduch right in front of her. She'll get her bashert, and he'll put it in front of her. "Ela k'dinah mahar habrachah." If she does want to speed up the bracha, however, there are some segulas. "K'dinah tavish b'chol yom chal ub'beker eizeh frank l'achnas es kala." You should give a little bit to achnas es kala, uh, kalis aniys, to poor brides to help, uh, to help poor brides get married. "V'chein temeizeh t'fila." Also, it'd be good to daven. "Shma yu sevravah kaiytz m'zeh," the more you daven, the better. "B'mi efshar la'aloy b't'fila v'lashon hakodesh." If you can't daven in, in Hebrew, "Toch lamem b'svash im avinah," then daven in your own language. "Bracha l'vesuras toivas." So the Rebbe does give her a handful of segulas to speed things up, but he says that's just the maher habrachah. That's only to speed up the bracha. There is a limiting factor here, and

17:57 Speaker 1 we see this now across what was this? One, two, three, four, five, six letters across several different years, the Rebbe saying that Well, there may be segulas that can speed up a shidduch, and there may be things that you can do practically to make a shidduch more likely. At the end of the day, God frequently blocks a shidduch for somebody who has not decided that they're going to make a firm resolution to live their life according to Torah and mitzvahs, and that the only way to remove that blockage and ensure the shidduch happens is to make that resolution. And the resolution can't be a shaky resolution. It must be a very, very firm one. And sometimes a person makes a resolution, and it's not firm enough, and therefore God waits, and he says, "Let, let, let's give you some time to firm out that resolution," and keeps on knocking shidduchim away until that resolution is made very firmly. This is across so many letters and so many places, and worded the same way so many times, with words like that I do think we may have found a clear here, that if you really want to know what the Rebbe's segula is for a young girl who's looking to get married and is having trouble with shidduchim, is that she should consider seriously, uh, how she should consider, should consider how seriously she has resolved to live her life according to Torah and mitzvahs. And when she does make that firm resolution, we have promises

18:57 Speaker 1 from the Rebbe across many letters that she will see incredible berachos. Thank you very much.

19:06 Speaker 2 Are these by and large to women specifically?

19:08 Speaker 1 Exclusively.

19:10 Speaker 2 So interesting. And what about to men? In the similar-

19:12 Speaker 1 He doesn't say the same thing to men. When I found these letters similar to men, he had all sorts of different recommendations for them. A lot of times it was they needed to ask mechilah from somebody. He, he-- different recommendations for men. Now, I think in this letter over here, um, he says why. Uh, I, I might have clicked on the wrong one. One of the letters he says that the reason why he's talking to her about this is because a woman makes the decision on what the Jewish home is gonna look like. And, uh, because of that, it could be that since her role is deciding the tone of the Jewish home, the thing that stops her shidduch is her lack of resolution to make a Jewish home. Since he isn't really deciding the tone of the home, it's not so much his decision about the home that pr- that prevents his shidduch, but outside factors. But yeah, this is-- this seems to be exclusively the advi- the segula for women looking for shidduchim.

19:52 Speaker 2 Right. And then the other thing is, like, it also seems, do we-- it seems like the letters are more to either people that are-- I mean, are, are we assuming that these are baal teshuva, or they are people that are becoming baal teshuva, or it's across whether they're coming from... Because in some of the letters, you know, the m- mother should tell the daughters. I mean, obviously, this mother is coming from the, the perspective, maybe a traditional home and maybe questioning some of their traditional background and, and then the other one, it seems like they're like baal teshuva, somebody who's just like, you know, getting started. We don't really have any indication as to what the Rebbe's-- who the Rebbe is talking to here.

20:23 Speaker 1 Yeah. They really do sound-- Most of them sound like they're the people who are pretty new to this. Um, of course, with the notable exception that you mentioned of the, of the mother explaining to her daughter. Um, yeah, I noticed that. We don't have... I, I went looking for a-- I, I looked across the board. I didn't find people-- I didn't find any letters that didn't have this tone to women looking for a shidduch. So either frum girls weren't writing to the Rebbe saying, "Help me with a shidduch," or this is the Rebbe's standard response, and some of these girls are frum. Uh, I don't know. But it's not like this is only the collection of the, uh, of the baal teshuva, and there was other advice. This is, uh, this was the only segula I found over and over again for, uh, for, for women writing to the Rebbe saying they're having shidduch trouble.

21:02 Speaker 2 Very interesting.

21:06 Speaker 3 It seems like there's, uh, this-- these segulas are not as popular amongst, I guess, the us or other creeds, and people are very into challah baking and, and having people in mind by lighting Shabbos candles and that sort of thing.

21:22 Speaker 1 I think we'll find with our Rebbe usually that, uh, that anything that feels like the easy way out usually doesn't get done, right? What's the, uh, what's, what's the hardest, what's the hardest way to get a shidduch? To make a decision you're gonna be frum. So, uh, I think we get a real emphasis of that from the Rebbe. I think people-- I, I hate to be so cynical, but I think people really would prefer to be able to get berachos from Hashem by baking some challah and saying a tefillin than actually changing their lives. Uh, the Rebbe demands. The Rebbe's, uh, teveah.

21:48 Speaker 3 I think the, the sentiment is that sometimes outside influences, so to speak, creep into our, uh, our circles and, you know, like, uh, shul tzichah and all those sort of segulas or whatever that, that we never really found that Rebbe.

22:03 Speaker 1 I'm with you. Um, I, I, I really am with you. Um, Rabbi Yossi Paltiel, he has an expression that he says a lot. It's not entirely true in text, but it's very true in feeling, and that is that the word memeila is treif in Chassidus, in Chassidus Chabad. That anything that, anything that instantly causes something to happen, a memeila reaction, is treif to us. Now, we do have some memeilas, but, uh, and of course, al tu l'shuvah, al tu legulah and things like that. But the, the, the idea here that, uh, that in our derech of, in our derech of Chassidus, you just don't have segulas where you do something and then magically good things happen. You have to put in aveida is a, is a good point. And I think a lot of that is, um, is contamination from other schools of thought. That our school of thought, when it really is in its purest state, there is nothing good that comes without aveida. Yeah. I'm with you, Ruby.

22:49 Speaker 2 Good point.