170. Boruch Faces A Huge Test From His Yetzer Horah

00:16 Shalom Aleichem, kindalech. And a freilechen Chodesh Elul. Chodesh Elul is a time when the Aibishter comes closer to us, like a king comes down into the field to see everyone, and everyone can come closer to him. And Hashem is asking us to come closer to Him too. And this is a very special month, right, where we try to think about what we did in the last year and see if we can get closer to Hashem. So I'm gonna tell you a story, a very beautiful story that the previous Rebbe tells in Sefer HaZichronos about a man, a boy by the name Baruch. Baruch was, uh... lived about four hundred years ago, and he came from the city of Yozin. They call him the Baruch of Yozin. There was another Baruch, the father of Dalter Rebbe, and he heard the story about this Baruch of Yozin from a friend of his. His name was Yitzchak Shaul. Rebbe Yitzchak Shaul was a Talmud of the, a Chassid of the Baal Shem Tov, and he heard that story from him. This Baruch of, of, of Yozin was a son of a man by the name Rebbe Yosef. Rebbe Yosef, um, had a son. His name was Baruch. And the boy Baruch was very, very smart. Very smart. As a young boy, he already learned so much Gemara Bava Metzia and so much... And he had a very good head, and he understood everything so well. And everybody saw that he's gonna be one day a big gaon, a

01:59 big gaon, a big Talmid Chaham. Baruch had his bar mitzvah, and right after the bar mitzvah, his father says, "Listen, since you're learning so much and you know how so much how to learn, y-you should go to yeshiva, even though in the yeshiva there are people that are older than you, but it seems like in terms of knowledge, you, you have, uh, enough knowledge like the older bachurim, so you should go learn in yeshiva." He send him to the city of Slutsk. Slutsk is in Russia. Is a very famous yeshiva there. The Rosh Yeshiva's name was the Baal Hanan, and he sent him to that yeshiva to learn. They said on that yeshiva you can learn so much Torah, you can become a huge Talmid Chaham. So Baruch went off to yeshiva, but Baruch was a very different bachur. I mean, he was only thirteen and a half when he ended up in yeshiva far away. The bachurim he learned with were a few years older than him because he was the youngest in yeshiva. But Baruch had a special thing inside of him, like a feeling inside of him, that he wanted to be very close to Hashem. He didn't just care about learning, learning, learning, learning, and being a big Talmid Chaham and everybody giving me kavod. He wasn't into that. He learned a lot of Torah, and he was very, very smart, and he learned a lot of Torah, but he really cared about being close to Hashem. And he was looking

03:22 very much for a way to serve Hashem in a special way that will bring him really close. And he wasn't looking for kavod. He didn't want people to know. He was very personal. For him and Hashem, he was a very, very special boy. And so when he came to Slutsk, even though he was only thirteen and a half, um, he, he decided that he's not gonna eat like all the bachurim. They eat by different families. In those days, they didn't have a dining room in the yeshiva. You had to go eat with different families, and the yeshiva would arrange which family this bachur goes to, and you would eat twice a day in that family's house, uh, lunch and supper, and then would go learn in yeshiva. But the food would come from the different families, the different homes. Baruch didn't wanna go eat in different homes, 'cause Baruch had this feeling that in order to be really spiritually connected to Hashem, he shouldn't eat from anybody else. No, he shouldn't take free food from people. He wanted to earn his own food. He's gonna work, not a lot, only a few hours a week, but he's gonna make enough money to buy a little bit of food so he can survive and live. And the rest of the time he'll sit and learn. Can you imagine a thirteen-year-old boy deciding that he's not gonna take food from anyone, he's gonna earn his own food, and he's gonna work, make money, and buy food for

04:45 himself? Great tzadikim actually used to do that. In the Gemara, there's a story with Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah. Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah, the great Tanna, Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah wouldn't eat a meal in anybody's house. He said, "I only eat from the food that I buy and that I earned, the, the money that I earned. I worked for it." The reason for that is because great tzadikim had a special thing about that the food they eat should be their own. When you learn more Chassidus, you'll understand why these tzadikim did that. Baruch felt that at a very young age. He felt the need that he should only eat the food that he works very hard for. In matter of fact, the Alter Rebbe's father, Baruch, who's the one who heard the story, the other Baruch, Baruch, the Alter Rebbe's father, also lived like that. He didn't like to take food from anyone. Wherever he went, he worked very hard for a few hours and made enough money for the week, and the rest of the time he sat and learned. So this Baruch of Yozin was a very small, well, was a young boy, but he decided to go out into the forest. He chopped wood every day, or maybe if not, not every day, a few times a week, and it only took him an hour. He came back into the city, and he would go from door to door, ask people if they need wood. To make fire. In those days, how did

06:02 you heat the houses in the winter? You would, uh, have firewood, right? You may have a fireplace and, and make fire, and that would, uh, heat the house. And so then cooking also. How did you people cook in those days? They didn't have gas. They would, uh, make fire with... from wood. So he would sell this wood to different houses, different families, and that how he made enough money, and then when he was... had enough money for the week, he would go to yeshiva and learn day and night and day and night, just study, study. But Boruch also realized that some families are too poor to pay for the wood, so he wouldn't even charge them. He would say, "No, no, no, this is for free." Because he wouldn't charge from people. And when he saw there was a family that didn't wanna take the wood, and they didn't have money to buy wood, he would, like, go to the door and drop it off by the entrance of the door and run away, and then they wouldn't know who gave it to them. So that's what he would do, um, you know, every week, and when he made enough money, he would sit, sit and learn, and that was the way he lived for two years. Now, Boruch was very quiet. In yeshiva, you know, you make friends, you talk to people, and you become friends with this Boruch, with that Boruch, you know. B- Boruch was very quiet. He didn't talk to... much

07:13 to anybody, very few people he talked to. He had his own... He just learned Torah. He wanted to learn Torah because it's Hashem's Torah. He wanted to be connected to Hashem. Everything he did, a mitzvah or learning Torah, 'cause he hoped he was gonna get closer to Hashem. Right? He didn't learn Torah so he would become a big talmid chacham and get a lot of covet. He learned Torah because he wanted to get closer to Hashem. That was his neshamah wanted so badly. But he didn't talk to anybody about it, didn't tell anybody how he felt inside. He was very quiet. They called him Boruch the Shashkan. Shashkan means in Hebrew the quiet one. After two years, Boruch already learned so much Torah, he b- he became really a big talmid chacham. He went home, back to his town. The name of the town where he grew up was Iliya. He went home, and he decided that since he took on this minhag not to take food from anyone and to always just eat the food that he, uh, or, you know, buys for himself by earning money and working, so when he comes home, he's not gonna eat from his father either or from his mother. He's just gonna, you know, buy food and eat. And he told his father, "I'm sorry, this is not chas veshalom. I'm not trying to be disrespectful not eating your food. It's just I have this minhag. This is how I like to serve Hashem, that I will

08:29 only eat the food that I have worked for and made mine. I have bought it, and I worked for it hard, and that's what I eat." Okay. They, they accepted it. Then after a while sitting in Iliya, he went home. He decided to go off to another yeshiva. He decided that Slutsk wasn't good enough for him because he wanted more than just learning. Slutsk was a great place to learn a lot of Torah, but he wanted someplace, a, a Rosh Yeshiva, a mashpia, that can make him feel a closeness to Hashem, and he realized that that's a very, very, very special thing to find. You can't find this in every yeshiva, and he was looking for a place like that. Somebody who can teach him how to refine his middas and how to overcome his yetzer hara and become more refined and, and feel a great closeness to Hashem, have more kedusha in him. He wanted to have that. He s- so badly wanted to have that. So he went, went to look for yeshivas. He went to Vilna first, and he found in Vilna, he learned from... He saw a lot of people who learned Torah there. Vilna was a very big place with a lot of talmidi hakhamim and people that served Hashem. He was there only for three months, but he felt it's not a good place for him to settle because in Vilna, he saw a lot of people needed jobs. So if he takes a job and starts chopping wood

09:51 or carrying water from the well and selling the water to people, and that's how he would make a living, uh, then there would be other people who wouldn't be able to make this parnasah because he'll cut into their parnasah. So he decided Vilna is not a good place for him, so he left, and he went to the city of Yozin, and this... In that yeshiva, in that city, lived a famous gaon, Reb Shol, and he was one... He had a big yeshiva. And he decided, "Maybe this is a smaller town. I'll get a job here. I'll earn enough money, and I can learn in the yeshiva, and this Reb Shol is a great, great, uh, gaon, and I can learn a lot of Torah from him, and maybe I'll also find, uh, you know, a Rosh Yeshiva here that will be able to teach me how to serve Hashem better." But what is he gonna do with a job? He needs food. He's not gonna eat from the yeshiva. So he found a woman, a widow. Her husband had died, and she lived alone on a farm outside the city, the town of Yozin, and she had a milk farm with cows and goats, and she would milk those cows and goats, and she would, um, make bottles of milk, and she would also make cheese from the milk and butter, and she would take it to the city of Yozin and sell it in the marketplace for people who needed milk and, and meat

11:16 and, uh, milk, milk and cheese. But she needed somebody to transport it, to carry it from the farm into the city. So Boruch saw that there was a job in that farm, so he asked her, "Oh, I can do this job. I can carry for you the stuff, your milk and your cheese, into the marketplace, so you can then..." Because this woman didn't have a wagon. You had to carry it by hand. And Boruch worked very hard. He schlepped the milk and the cheese. He's willing to schlep everything just to make a few dollars, just to make a few, a few rubles. And so the woman says, "Good. I'll, I'll pay you well if you do this, um, maybe twice, three times a week. I need you to ca- come here in the morning and just carry it to the city. It takes about an hour to walk there, and then I'll pay you." And that was great for Boruch because it's only an hour a day, and the rest of the time he can sit and learn. The woman also needed stuff to be brought from the city to the farm because she had a little store by the farm, and she needed somebody to bring stuff for the store from the city to the farm. So Baruch did both. He took from the farm to the city, and some of the stuff he took from the city and brought to the farm. And that's how she paid him money, and he made-- she

12:28 paid him really well. And Baruch was so happy because he made enough money to eat comfortably. He had plenty of food, and then he could sit and learn, and he didn't have to worry about, about the food. And Baruch thought, "Okay, this is a great place for me to stay in yeshiva. I got everything. I can work, I can earn money. I don't have to eat from anybody else's food. And, um, and everything is fine. I can sit and learn day and night." Baruch slept in a shul on a bench. He chose a certain shul in the town where he liked to sleep quiet, and that's where he... That was his bed. That was his, um... He didn't have to pay for sleeping on a bench in a shul, so that was fine. He was happy with that. Now, he thought he would stay in Vyazhin for a long time, but then something happened. Something happened that shook him up. It made him terrified. And in the end, he decided he must leave. He must leave the town. What happened? Baruch, one evening, the, the farm, the lady, the farm lady, the almanah, the, the widow, told Baruch that she needs him to bring some stuff from the city to the farm. But it was at night, and it was the middle of the winter. So Baruch said, okay, he's gonna do it. He's getting paid for it. So he took a whole bunch of stuff, and he schlepped it with a heavy, heavy bag.

14:01 And, and it was already after dark in the night, and he had to walk outside the city in the middle of nowhere, and he walked and walked till he got to the farm. And it was already late at night by the time he got there. It was very cold outside, bitter cold. He was freezing. So he put down the stuff that he brought for the almanah, and she was very happy with the stuff that he brought. And she saw that he was freezing, so he sat down by the oven to warm up a little bit so that he could walk back to the city. But the almanah, she saw that he was very tired and exhausted and very cold. She said to him, "Why would you go back now at night? In the middle of the night, you're gonna go walk back in the middle of nowhere to the city. It might not be so safe to go so late at night by yourself. Maybe you stay. I'll, I'll make you a bed somewhere in the house. I have another room. You can m-make your bed, and you can sleep through the night, and you go back in the morning. In the morning when it's light outside." Baruch was so exhausted, he said okay. He said okay, and she made him a bed, and he went to sleep. He said , and he lied down. But as he lied down, something bothered him, and he didn't know what it was. He couldn't fall asleep. He

15:22 couldn't fall asleep. And suddenly, he feels in his head he's having thoughts, terrible thoughts, like thoughts of very bad things, thoughts that are like averas, like Yetzer Hara came to him and started telling him, "You know, you should do these averas. They're so good. They're so geshmak." And he's-- was terrified. Never happened to him before. Never had such a strong Yetzer Hara bringing him such terrible thoughts in his head. And he was like, couldn't-- didn't know what to do. He got f-- he was afraid that maybe he's gonna listen to the Yetzer Hara and do some bad things. And he was so terrified that he jumped out of bed, ran outside, and Baruch used to do what a lot of these people, people that wanted to be very, very holy and spiritual, they would go and torture their, their bodies. They said the body is, like, so grub and so coarse, so there's full of Yetzer Hara in the body. So they would, like, roll the body in the snow so that it-- to make the body, uh, l-less strong because they thought they would break the Yetzer Hara this way. So he rolled in the snow outside the f-- by the farm, and then he came back in. He got quickly dressed and ran outside, and he said, "Oh, I just realized I did an avera." It says in Shulchan Aruch, it says in Halacha, "You're not supposed to be alone with a woman in a house." It's called yichud. There's the laws of

17:07 yichud, and I forgot. I just was so tired, and she asked me to s-- to, to go to sleep, and I, and I, and I said yes. But really, you're not allowed to do this. Can't be alone in a house with a woman. So he was terrified that he did this terrible thing. And Baruch was the kind of person that was so afraid of an avera. He didn't wanna do an avera. He was, like, so afraid of it. So he ran outside, he got dressed, and started running, running, and running in the middle of nowhere towards the city of Vyazhin. It was like twelve o'clock at night. There was nobody outside. It was freezing cold. There was snow, and you could hear some animals, like, roaring and roaring and, and wolves, and he didn't care. He kept running and running until he got to the city of Vyazhin, and he went straight to shul. And when he sat down in the shul, he took out a Tehillim and started crying and crying for Hashem to help him get away from this Yetzer Hara, and he said Tehillim the whole night. And he cried so much that night because he was so upset that he let the Yetzer Hara get to him. Boruch decided that he's not going back to work for this widow. Now, it's not her fault, but because he ended up doing something which is not right, doing an aveira. He wasn't supposed to do this. So he decided, you know what? The

18:45 Gemara says that if you wanna stay away from a, an aveira, you have to go away as far as possible from the place where you did the aveira. And since the farm was the place where he did this aveira, he wants to go as far away from it. He's not gonna work there anymore. It's nothing to do with the woman. She was fine, but it has to do with him. He needs to be... He need to keep a distance and stay away from the farm. And he found another job with another farmer, a man who also had a farm, and he gave him even a wagon. He didn't have to schlep. So also to, to take milk and, and, and cheese to the city, and from that he earned money. And so a while went by, uh, Boruch still wasn't happy. He was-- His neshamah was thirsty. His neshamah wanted to be close to Hashem, and he didn't know how. He learned a lot of Torah by, by the Reb Shul. The Rosh Yeshiva he gave was a big gaon, and he learned a lot of Torah, but for him, he wasn't happy with Torah. Torah alone is not enough. His neshamah was hungry. His neshamah was hungry for Hashem. He was a very special neshamah. Boruch had a neshamah of a tzadik inside of him, but nobody knew it. He didn't even think he was a tzadik. But his neshamah had a hunger, wanted Hashem and, and it didn't feel that the learning, uh,

20:05 made him closer to Hashem. So he decided to leave, and he traveled. He walked on foot for a few weeks from town until he got to the city of Brisk. The city of Brisk was very famous because it had a yeshiva whose Rosh Yeshiva's name was Reb Shloime. They called him the Gaon, the Tzadik Reb Shloime. He wasn't just a gaon, he was also a tzadik. That means Reb Shloime was a very holy person, and many people, um, would go to that yeshiva because they know not only did they learn Torah by him, they also went to Reb Shloime's yeshiva because Reb Shloime was a great mashpia. He would teach Boruch how to serve Hashem. When Boruch heard about him, he said, "Ah, this is the place I wanna go to," and that's what happened. He went to Brisk, but to get into the yeshiva of Reb Shloime was not an easy thing. He had to be tested in the Gemara, and they didn't accept everyone because not everybody could come to such a important yeshiva. So he, he had to be in line and wait. So in the meantime, he would go into the yeshiva just to learn, but he wouldn't eat their food, and he wouldn't go sleep there. He would sleep on a bench in a shul, and he found some work somewhere, and he bought himself food, but he would go just to learn. To learn, nobody bothers you. You can come into a yeshiva and just learn as long as

21:23 you don't sleep and stay in the yeshiva and eat the food. So that's what he did. And Boruch discovered that in order to get... feel closer to Hashem and become more and more refined, spiritually refined, you need to learn not only Gemara, you have to learn, uh, chasidus. But in those days, they didn't have chasidus like we have today. It was Kabbalah. Kabbalah is, like, connected to chasidus. So he learns Sefer from Kabbalah. He started learning, but he realized he doesn't understand. It's so deep, it's hard to understand. But he would learn it. He would feel like, wow, this makes my neshamah feel so excited. I feel like I'm getting, like, a certain feeling about Hashem and an, an awesome feeling, a feeling like of awe. Hashem is this infinitely great being, and I feel like He's there. He's everywhere. And, and he began to feel, like, a certain excitement about Hashem's presence everywhere, and he felt like it was helping him get closer to Hashem, but he didn't really understand much. So Boruch decided to take on fast days. He would, like, crush his body, which of course, today we don't do that. The Rebbe said not to do it anymore. The Alter Rebbe already said that this is not the way to serve Hashem. But in those days, before the Alter Rebbe and before the Baal Shem Tov, people used to do it a lot. They, they hoped that this would break their body and break their Yetzer Hara, and they would become

22:49 closer to Hashem. So he did that. And he would go into the library of the yeshiva and find special seforim that have Kabbalah, like famous Mekubalim, like Reishit Chochma, the Sefer Reishit Chochma from Reb Eliyahu Delvidas, very famous, famous gaon and Mekubal, big Kabbalah, uh, tzadik, and everybody learns the Sefer. He was learning the Sefer, and he was like learning and learning. He said he couldn't get enough. It was so amazing. Once he's sitting in the library and learning this Sefer Kabbalah, which not everybody wanted to learn, nobody was allowed to learn. If you learned Kabbalah, you were a young bocher, people looked at you, "Hey, hey, hey, who gave you permission to read this Sefer?" In those days, not everybody was allowed to read Kabbalah. Even great Rabbonim wouldn't read Kabbalah. Kabbalah was only for special people. And here, this young bocher is learning Kabbalah, but he did it so they didn't want people to know about it. So he sat in the library quietly in the corner, so nobody would see him. He would read these very special seforim of Kabbalah, the very famous Sefer of, of, of Rabbi Meir Gabbai, um, which is a Sefer, um, um, Avodah Zarah. All these very special seforim. One day, he's sitting in the, in the s- in the library. He's very deeply engrossed in reading one of these Sefer of Kabbalah, and he didn't notice that the Rosh Yeshiva himself, Reb Shloime, that everybody has such awe and respect for, is standing right in front

24:15 of him. He never spoke to him before. The Rosh Yeshiva is standing and watching him reading in the Sefer, and suddenly Boruch wakes up, looks out of the book and sees the Rosh Yeshiva. He started shivering. The Rosh Yeshiva himself, Reb Shloime, the famous gaon and tzadik, is watching me learning Sefer Kabbalah. What is he gonna think of me? I'm learning Kabbalah. Who am I to learn Kabbalah? This is such a holy stuff that only great tzadikim can learn. So he, like, was a little scared. But he see Reb Shloime is smiling to him. He said to him... Reb Shloime said, "What are you reading? What are you reading there? Tell me what Sefer you're learning." "I'm learning Reishit Chochma, and I'm learning about how to change my middas, become a better person, so I can be closer to Hashem." And Reb Shloime says, "Where are you from? What's your name?" And Boruch started telling him his whole life story, how he was in this yeshiva, in that yeshiva, and, "I learned a lot of Torah there, but I'm not happy because I'm looking for someone who can teach me to be closer to Hashem, how to feel Hashem in my life, and I don't feel it, and I want so much. And I started learning Sefer of Kabbalah because I feel in the Kabbalah Sefer they give me some, some feeling of Hashem." And Reb Shlomo's looking at him and says to him, "Okay. W- And, uh, what else? Tell me more." And Baruch

25:40 tells him everything, everything that, that he went through and which yeshivas he learned. He says, "Now I came here because I heard about you, and I was hoping that you will be able to teach me how to serve Hashem and get closer to Hashem." And then Sh- Baruch got quiet, and then he's feeling like this fear. Will Reb Shlomo accept him as a Talmud? Will Reb Shlomo really approve of his learning Kabbalah? And he starts bursting out and crying. Baruch started crying hysterically. He was so afraid Reb Shlomo will say, "Hey you, what do you think you're doing reading Kabbalah? Who do you think you are? You wanna be close to Hashem?" No. Reb Shlomo sees Baruch crying and crying and he says to Baruch, "Why are you crying? You came to the right place." And he says, "Don't worry. Tomorrow night I will see you in my office, in my room." Baruch and, and the Rosh Yeshiva left. Shlomo left, and Baruch decided... Was shaken by this whole ex- The great Reb Shlomo that everybody's so afraid of, has such a f- awe of, and not afraid he's gonna hurt you, afraid because he's such a great tzadik. He, he came and invite him to come and see him. And so usually you didn't go see Reb Shlomo in his room privately, only if you were in yeshiva already for several years. But this was an exception, that Reb Shlomo is inviting Baruch to come. He just b- It's the first time he met

27:10 him, and, and he's inviting him to come to his room. Baruch decided to take on a fast day for three days. To fast three days in a row, and on the third day he'll break his fast. Why? He'd fast that Hashem should help him. You know, when you fast 72 hours, 72 hours is Gematria Chesed. Hashem should give him Chesed in the eyes of the Rosh Yeshiva. He wanted that Reb Shlomo should agree to accept him as his Talmud and teach him how to get closer to Hashem and teach him the Kabbalah Sefer. And, and, and, and he was davening to Hashem to help him that Reb Shlomo would accept him. And so he fasted. But in the middle of the fast, the next day at night, the, the secretary of the, of the Rosh Yeshiva came to him and says, "The Rosh Yeshiva said he wants you to come, but he wants you to go through the back door. He doesn't want the other Bochum to know that he invited you to his room, 'cause he doesn't want them to be envious, so go in through the back door. The Rosh Yeshiva wants to see you." Shlomo was so shaken, he went quickly. He was like... Inside, his heart was pounding, and he went in- into the room, and Reb Shlomo looks at him and said to him, "You came here. I will teach you. But I have one problem with you. Who gave you permission to take on f- such fast days that

28:30 breaks your body and breaks your health? It only makes you feel good about yourself. 'Oh, I fast. I'm such a tzadik.' It's, it's the Yetzer Hara makes you do this. Don't fast. You should eat normally. You should be healthy and serve Hashem like that." Baruch was shocked. How does the Rosh Yeshiva know that he accepted a fast of three days? He realized the Rosh Yeshiva has Ruach Hakodesh and that... Wow. Does the Rosh Yeshiva also know my story, what happened to me on the farm with this almanah, the widow? Because he didn't tell the Rosh Yeshiva this before. He was too embarrassed to tell him. But if he has Ruach Hakodesh, maybe he knows that too. And as he was thinking that, the Rosh Yeshiva said, "Yes, I know what happened to you on the farm, and I know what you did. You overcame a very big test. You ran out in the middle of the night even though it was dark and cold and it was not so safe to try to run in the middle of nowhere. And in Shamayim, you should know, they saw how you passed a huge test, because when you realized that you weren't supposed to be there, you ran away. So they decided in Shamayim that you should be given, uh, the chance to learn how to serve Hashem the way you want and feel close to Hashem, and that's why I'm here to teach you that." When Baruch heard this, he said, "Wow. Shlomo really has Ruach

30:05 Hakodesh. He knows everything about him. Doesn't have to tell him anything." And for the next few months, Baruch would secretly go into the room of Reb Shlomo. Reb Shlomo would teach him different Sefer of Kabbalah, and about how to refine your Middos. He would guide him on how to be a Bal Gaver, and not to fast and make, make you feel yourself good, "Oh, I'm doing these amazing things", but to be humble and to be Anav. He have to work and show them how to work on this. And so Baruch did this for a few months. But Baruch wanted now to go out into the fields. He wanted to feel Hashem in nature. And one day he was able to do it. Reb Shlomo told him to travel with him to a wedding of, uh, one of his nephews, and the wedding was on a farm outside in nature, in the middle of the countryside where there's no cities. And Baruch went with his Rosh Yeshiva and he said, "Wow, they will be giving an opportunity. They're gonna stay there for a week, so give me a chance to go out into the nature, into the field, and feel how great Hashem is." Boruch so much yearned for this. And one night when he was traveling with his rebbe, he went outside into the fields and stood on a hill, and there were these endless valleys of fields stretched out for many, many miles on every side of the hill. And Boruch looked, he was

31:29 breathtaking, he couldn't believe. Wow. It was also at night. He looked up at the sky. You know, in the fields, there's no light, so there's no light on the ground. Since there's no light on the ground, you look up at the sky, you can see the stars really well. Usually when you look up at the sky to see the stars in the city, it's very hard to see because there's light in the city, and that blocks you from seeing the light of the stars. But in the outside the city, you can lie down on the grass with your head, with your eyes up, you'll see billions and billions of shining stars, and each one of those stars are millions of times bigger than the Earth. Can you imagine how big the world is? And, and Boruch was looking up, and he was, like, filled with awe of Hashem. He, like, suddenly got so excited. He said, "Wow, look how great Hashem is, and look at these valleys. Look at the stream over there." Like a few miles away, you could see a stream flowing through the fields. Everything is so natural. Hashem made all this. Every blade of grass has the life of Hashem in it, has the light of Hashem in it that gives it life. And every animal, every insect, every bird that flies has the life of Hashem in it. And look at these stars. They're millions of times greater than the Earth, and there are billions of them, and all of

32:51 that Hashem created. And suddenly, Boruch felt this incredible, awesome feeling of, wow, Hashem. He's so in awe. He felt like nothing in the presence of Hashem. He felt Hashem is everywhere. He's in every blade of grass. He's in every animal, in every molecule, in every atom, in every little thing. Every-- Hashem is, fills everything. And he began to say Shema Yisrael. Shema Yisrael, Hashem Elokeinu, Hashem echad. And you could hear the echo because in a valley where there's no... Sometimes you can, when you're on a hill, you, you, you, you cry out Shema Yisrael, you can hear echo back. It sounded like the creation is repeating after him the Shema. And he was like s- He never felt in his entire life so much excitement. He was lying there, like, mesmerized. Like, he couldn't stop. He couldn't leave. He was like, forgot completely about himself. He was, like, watching this. And the previous rebbe describes this in such wonderful, wonderful details. And when Boruch came back, he was a different person. And then Boruch realized that the test he had on that farm, and because he responded, he reacted to the test, he ran away, and he went away as far as he could from the test, and didn't go back to that farm because he wanted to make sure that the Yetzer Hara will not get him again. In Shamaim, that is so special, that is so valuable, they gave him a special bracha that his neshamah will be transformed. He will be f-feeling

34:32 Hashem's presence in a way that he never felt before. And Boruch became a big tzadik from then on. Later on, he became a Talmud of Rabbi Yoyel Baal Shem, who was the rebbe of Rabbi Adam Baal Shem, who was the rebbe of the Baal Shem Tov, Rabbi Yisrael Baal Shem. And he was one of the first, uh, great, great, uh, you can say, talmidim of the Rabbi Yoyel Baal Shem that started spreading Kabbalah. And later on, the Baal Shem Tov turned Kabbalah into Hasidus, and that's the whole, the whole history how Hasidus came about. Have a ksiva v'chasima tovah u'shana tova u'mesuka.