Rabbi YY Jacobson on “The Power of Educators to Transform Lives: Lessons from our Rabbeim”

00:00 Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Zalman Schneer. Welcome to the Everything Chinuch podcast, brought to you by the Menachem Education Foundation. Here, you'll find farbrengens, workshops, live interviews and more, all to inspire you, the Chabad educator. We hope you enjoy today's episode. The following episode is from the Kinus Machaneches Chabad, featuring Rabbi YY Jacobson on the power of educators to transform lives, lessons from our Rebbeim.

00:33 Speaker 2 Let me begin with a story the person shared with me a few weeks ago. I have a friend, he's a Rav, a rabbi, and a Chabad Shliach in Bellevue in Washington. His name is Rabbi Mordechai Farkash from Yerushalayim, and he phoned me just a few weeks ago, and he said, "I want to share with you an encounter I had with somebody." He said, "I met somebody here in the United States, and he shared with me a personal story, and I'm sharing it with you because I feel you lecture, you speak. It's good for you to know this story that I just heard from this person who- with whom it happened. This person, like myself, grew up in Jerusalem, in Yerushalayim. He went into business and the business went down south, and he got entangled further and further with debt, and some of the debt, some of the collectors were not of the highest caliber. They were of a different caliber of working-- of work ethic, and the stress and the pressure and the threats became so overwhelming that I literally, I couldn't live any longer. My life became a living purgatory. The financial stress and the threats on my life overwhelmed me. The situation was so dismal, so horrific, that I felt I had no choice, but I'm going to do the inconceivable." He says, "On my way to work in Jerusalem, you go over a bridge, an overpass, and towards the end of a bridge, if you take a wrong turn, there's a cliff,

02:41 Speaker 2 and I decided I'm gonna go down that cliff and end my life in a few seconds. One morning, this was the day I said goodbye to my wife. I would not tell her what was on the agenda today, but I knew this was the last goodbye. As I'm walking out to the car, she says to me, 'Do you mind stopping off at the yeshiva where our son learns and give him this bag?' He needed it." He had a son learning in a yeshiva known as the Chebiner Yeshiva, the yeshiva of Chebin, and the mother wanted to deliver something to him. So he said, "I thought to myself, the yeshiva is not on the way. By the time I get to yeshiva, I won't be here anymore. Then I think to myself, you know, my wife is asking me to do something, a favor for my son. Before I take my life, I can do it, no?" So he says, "Sure. We'll go to the yeshiva," and he'll kill himself on the way back, on the way back from the office. He goes to the yeshiva, the Chebiner Yeshiva. He has this bag. He parks the car. He goes to the door. He rings the bell and knocks on the door. The mashgiach, the mashgiach of the yeshiva, meaning one of the spiritual mentors of the yeshiva, comes out, and he says, "Is this and this bachur, is this and this yeshiva student available?" So he says, "Yeah, but I would rather not disturb him. "Anyhow,

05:03 Speaker 2 you should have a lot of nachas." He takes the bag, and the man walks out. He says, "He turns to Rabbi Farkash, and he says, 'I'm thinking to myself, wow, I just heard who my boy is. I'm gonna take my life because of financial pressure. It doesn't make sense. To have such a blessing, and I'm gonna take this life and destroy it. And besides, what am I gonna be doing to this boy who's becoming an orphan for no reason? And what am I gonna be doing to my wife and my other children?' And I regretted everything. I had to leave Israel. I had to leave Israel. That's why I'm here." That's why he met Rabbi Farkash. But I wanted to share this with you. Here I'm alive and well with all my children. And when he shared this with me, I thought to myself, you know, sometimes in life, I or we become stingy with words or stingy with warmth or stingy with emotions. It's not our fault. We sometimes don't realize the power of words, the power of a gesture, the power of a hug, of a compliment, of a warm statement. Imagine this mashgiach, this employee in the yeshiva, could have he ever imagined what he achieved by telling this parent something so nice about their child. He could have never imagined. He probably still doesn't know, unless he'll get a clip which will probably go viral at some point. We have to translate it into Hebrew. He probably would never know if

07:00 Speaker 2 not for this. He'll find out. Never know what-- well, he didn't do anything. He told the kid, "Father, wow, what a boy you have." I learned from this never to be stingy with words, never to be stingy with a warm gesture, physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, to lift up a person. Feedback is critical and vital, even for the humble ones among us. And I know I'm sitting in a room and in the presence of four hundred humble people, 'cause nobody thanks you at night for how well you took care of your children and how well you took care of your students. But I think it's important, and it behooves me, and it behooves all of us, first and foremost, to express on behalf of the Jewish people, since I'm a Jew, so I'm also part of the Jewish people, so I can express it on behalf of the Jewish people, the profound gratitude to each and every person sitting in this room who I know multitasks with probably hundreds of responsibilities a day and nonetheless are committed with your heart and with your mind and with your soul to improve, to raise, to educate, to enlighten, to inspire, to elevate, and to infuse your disciples, your pupils, your students, "לבונך אלו התלמידים", your biological and your spiritual children, with connection, with attachment, with dignity, with success academically, with success emotionally. Your work does not go unnoticed. And even if we often, and we should all be open to critique in order to grow and challenge ourselves,

08:48 Speaker 2 it behooves me just to say those two words, thank you. Thank you to each and every one of you. Thank you. What's the worst thing you can hear from a doctor that tells you he's not the right doctor for you? The answer is the doctor who tells you, "Everything there is to know about medicine, I know." What's the worst thing you can hear from a therapist that tells you this therapist is not for you? "Everything there is to know about the brain, I know." What's the worst thing you can hear from a rabbi to tell you this rabbi is not for you? "Everything there is to know about truth, about God, I know." What's the worst thing you can hear from an educator to know that the person needs to grow? "Everything there is to know about education, everything there is to know about a child, everything there is to know about neuroscience and emotions, everything there is to know about a classroom, I know." Those rabbis, those therapists, those doctors, it's good to stay a little far away from because the foundation for everything, foundation for all success, for all creativity, for all growth, is genuine humility. Genuine humility means that I realize that the horizons are infinite. And therefore, as awesome a job I did, I always have the ability to be able to open myself up and transcend smugness, complacency, and inner contentment that breeds paralysis. I don't mean inner contentment that breeds motivation and creativity, what we call "סיפוק נפשי". So

10:52 Speaker 2 here is a teaching from the Baal Shem Tov. And I wanna share with you... I wanna share with you today three points that I think they stimulate me, they inspire me, and I hope they can inspire us as well, or some of us. The first is a teaching of the Baal Shem Tov. When I came across this teaching of the Baal Shem Tov many years ago, I lost my breath for a few seconds. I was like, "Whoa." One of those epiphanies, it's like, "Ah, that's how you do it. That's how you do it." I can't tell you that I'm gonna take away your breath when I share it with you. I could just tell you my experience of it. But sometimes you hear something, it's not just a nice insight. It's like if I'm not in that place, I completely miss the point. So the Baal Shem Tov says as follows. The Gemara in Masechet Rosh Hashanah, Tractate Rosh Hashanah, now you're gonna have to tune in to me here for thirty-five seconds, even the ADDs, because It's just a few seconds of astronomy, but if you tune in, you'll get it. It's not complicated. I'll try to explain it clearly, but you'll appreciate what the Baal Shem Tov is saying. The Gemara in Rosh Hashanah, I think it's page twenty-three, daf chaf gimel, describes how the witnesses used to come to Beth Din, to the Jewish courts, and they would testify that they saw the new moon. And the witnesses would be cross-examined by

12:36 Speaker 2 the court because sometimes people would lie. They could say, "Oh, we saw the new moon." It wasn't a new moon. Maybe they made a mistake, maybe they did it maliciously, and Rosh Chodesh would be the wrong day. So they will always examine the witnesses very, very thoroughly. So the Gemara goes through a series of questions they would ask the witnesses. One of the questions was, you know, in the beginning of the month, what we call Rosh Chodesh, the head of the month, you see only a little sliver of the moon, right? We call it the crescent, that little sliver of the moon. And they would ask the following question: Was the sliver of the moon facing the sun, or was the hollow part facing the sun, the empty part? Which part was facing the sun? And if they said, if they said that the hollow part was facing the sun, we know they're lying. Why? Because the part that's facing the sun is not dark. The part that's facing the sun is always bright. So that little sliver of the moon, obviously, it's the sliver that's luminescent that's facing the sun. Whoops. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, I once heard from Uncle Yossi, Rabbi Yosef Goldst, zezcher lo l'vracha, that in one of the records... You remember the records? I don't know, uh, those of us who grew up with Uncle Yossi's records. I think he had a record with Avraham Avinu looking at the moon at night. And he showed it to the

13:59 Speaker 2 Rebbe, and the Rebbe caught this mistake. He said, "Astronomically, you got this wrong because, you know, it's sometimes nicer to have that, the, the moon, the, the, the sun facing the larger part of the moon." He says, "Astronomically, it's not possible. In fact, the witness would be caught as being a liar because it's impossible." But the way the Gemara puts it is very beautifully. It's really astron-- basic astronomy, but the Gemara puts it poetically. amar Reb Yochanan, "Me'eilam leiro'as hachamah b'gimaso shel levana." The sun has never encountered the dark side of the moon, the blemished side of the moon. Why not? The answer is very simple, because if the sun looks at it, what does it see? It sees a bright moon. Can the sun see a dark moon? It can't. Because if the sun is looking at the moon, it can't see the dark side of the moon. You know why? Because it just gave it light. The Baal Shem Tov said that this is not just a truth in astronomy, it's a truth in life. The sun represents the teacher, the educator, the pedagogue, the one who is given the privilege to cast light on the soul of the student. "Me'eilam leiro'as hachamah b'gimaso shel levana," says the Baal Shem Tov. How do I know I'm a real son? Son as in chamah, the sun in the sky. How do I know I'm a real son? The sun never sees the dark side of the moon. Why not? There's a dark side. This

15:42 Speaker 2 moon is dark. Most of the moon is not shining. It's an objective fact. It's an objective fact if I'm not a son. If I'm a real source of light, it's not an objective fact. It's completely a wrong fact. If I'm the real son, and I'm coming into contact with you, with my child, with my student, my entire mental space, my entire heart, my entire focus is how do I bring out your light? How do I allow you to reflect the light? That's what I see. When you come in contact with that sun, you're in a different place. And if the sun starts doubting itself or doubting the moon, saying, "This moon is such a rotten moon. This moon is a rotten tomato. The truth is, I remember this moon's mother, yeah. We were classmates, yeah. I always knew. I knew it. I happen to know the father, too, yeah. I even knew the bubbe, I remember. And my grandmother used to tell me about the grandmother before the war." Right, you know? Whenever I'm going there, those are normal places where the brain goes to, but I'm not a son . I'm not in the position of a son. I'm probably in the position where I need some validation, and I'm dealing with my own stuff. If you're a chamah, you never see b'gimas levana. There's a, uh, a Jewish fellow. He's the conductor, the main conductor of the Bos-- I think the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra. He's a British Jew. His name is B-Benjamin Zandman.

17:27 Speaker 2 I once heard him speak, and he spoke from the perspective of music, but it was a very powerful lesson for me. He said, "How do I know that I'm a successful conductor? How do I know? How do I know that I'm doing my job well?" And he said, "I'll tell you how I know. I turn around..." You know, the conductor faces the musicians, right? Doesn't say a word. Makes with his hands, jumps and sways his hands and dances. Nobody knows why, but he sweats nonstop and then takes the main bow and gets the applause because his silence is quite deafening as he carries the oomph and the zeitgeist of the symphony. And he said, "I turn around, and I look at the audience. If I see a fire in their eyes-" I know that I'm doing my job. If I see dullness in the eyes, I know that I am a dismal failure. In his own language, lehavdil, he captured what the Baal Shem Tov was saying. "מעולם לא ראה שחמה בגמא של לבנה." I teach a lot, and I teach many different ages of people and many different demographics. I have the privilege of sometimes in the morning teaching Satmar Hasidim, and in the evening teaching secular Jews. In the morning teaching men, and in the afternoon teaching women from all different stripes and colors. But there's one common denominator, and that's how I know if there's a energy that is transformative. If I could look up at each student sitting at the table,

19:10 Speaker 2 sitting in the room, sitting in the shul, sitting in the hall, and I could see that a little fire or a big fire has been ignited in their eyes, then I know that I had the privilege of that moment, at that moment of being the חמה, who when the חמה, the sun, comes in contact with the moon, just brings out their light. If this is true with adults, it's probably true a million times this way with children. The Gemara says in Masechet Shabbos, Tractate Shabbos, page one nineteen, "אל תיגעי במשיחי אלו תינוקות של בית רבן." Don't touch, don't damage, don't tamper with my mashiachs, with my anointed ones. We say it each morning in Hodu. "אל תיגעי במשיחי", David HaMelech says. It means, "Don't touch and harm my anointed ones." The Gemara says, "Who are these mashiachs?" And the Gemara's answer, Shabbos page one nineteen is, "אלו תינוקות של בית רבן." These are our children. Our children in our homes, our children in our schools, our children in our communities and in our classrooms. Why are they called mashiachs? I mean, one Jew is gonna be mashiach. I have to tell you this cute one. Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz, Rabbi Adin Even Israel, who passed away not long ago, was a brilliant man, and he was also very funny. He once had a dinner in Manhattan. Invited-- He was invited. So there were questions. So this woman, who seemed like to be quite a feminist, wanted to really get to him. So she says, "Rabbi Steinsaltz,

20:47 Speaker 2 Rabbi Steinsaltz, can mashiach be a woman?" And Rabbi Steinsaltz said, "Listen, listen. We live in a generation where almost everything was taken away from the man. The last thing we men have to hold onto is that one of us is gonna be mashiach. Do us a favor, don't take this away. It's our last source of dignity and self-esteem." What is she gonna say? Why are the children called my anointed ones, my mashiachs? And I'll tell you one of the interpretations. I actually heard this from-- I think I heard this from Rabbi Adin. Because every single child... Remember when you were a child? Every child, even when you're two or three, four, six, seven, we dream. Some of us daydream more than others, depends on who the teacher was. But we daydream, we night dream, and in every child's heart, there is that feeling that I can change the world. I can affect the world. I can bring redemption to the world. Either I am mashiach or I'll bring mashiach. "אל תיגעי במשיחי!" Never ever am I allowed to snuff out that emancipated spirit of the child, that fire in the eyes that every child was given by the Ribono shel Olam because they have an infinite soul and a body that is priceless and divine. "אל תיגעי במשיחי," never am I allowed to say something or do something that extinguishes that flame, that passion. On the contrary, when the moon comes in contact with the sun, suddenly the moon starts dancing. Suddenly the moon comes

22:42 Speaker 2 to life. Suddenly the moon says, "I'm not dark anymore. I'm a source of light. I'm a source of inspiration. In fact, the Jewish calendar is all based on my light." The Rosh Chodesh of Jewish consciousness, שהם הסידים להחדש כמוהו and the Yom Tov that was given especially to the women, Rosh Chodesh. It's all because of the light of the moon, not even the light of the sun, which we know is a reflection of the light of the sun. That's the first teaching with which I wanna challenge myself every day as a teacher, as an educator, as a pedagogue, as a parent, as a grandparent. Teaching number two. The Baal HaGa'ulah, whose birthday was celebrated yesterday, and whose Chag HaGa'ulah is celebrated today as well, the Rebbe Rayatz, the sixth Lubavitcher Rebbe, whose name I'm privileged to carry as well, Yosef Yitzchak, tells a story in one of his talks about a boy who came to learn in the city of Lubavitch in Tomchei Temimim. He doesn't say a name. Legend has it that he was describing a bachur whose name was Rabbi Avraham Elimelech Plotkins, zichrono levracha. He doesn't say that in the talk. A whole story about matzah, how he baked matzah, and how he was responsible for the baking of the matzah, and how the physical labor was so beneficial for him because of the exercise and the oxygen and moving around his body, and the schlepping was just unbelievably emotionally healthy for him. And this was his father's idea that he should

24:23 Speaker 2 run the baking of the matzah that year Pesach in Lubavitch. In middle of the talk, the Rebbe Rayatz throws out-- s- conveys the following statement. Because the words are so precious, I'm going to say it in Yiddish, and then I'll translate it verbatim, or almost verbatim. And he says as follows, "אויפיר יסודות איז די ישיבה תומכי תמימים אין לוביטש געבויט געווען." The yeshiva, the school, the flagship school of Lubavitch, Tomchei Temimim, that was built by the Rebbe Rashab and by the Rebbe Rayatz in eighteen ninety-seven, תרנ"ז. He says it was built on four foundations. Now, here would be an interesting experiment. If we would stop here and everybody would write down on a piece of paper, you could do that, what do you think are the four foundations that the Yeshivat Tomchei Tmimim Lubavitch was-- were constructed upon? What were those four foundations? Think to yourself right now, if you had to articulate the four yesodas, the four foundations. Remember, foundations are not necessarily-- foundations are not the first floor, the second floor. It's under everything. Without a foundation, you have nothing. No ceilings, no beams, no classrooms, no roofs, nothing. The foundation is what lay under everything. We know a binyan, a foundation without a yasod, chalila crumbles. What are these four foundations? These are-- Foundations are constants. Foundations are not twelve hours a day in the spring, in the summer, in the winter, when I'm in a good mood, when I'm not in a good mood, when I'm feeling well, when I'm not

26:12 Speaker 2 feeling so well, when I'm inspired. Foundations are always. If the foundations are not there, we have a serious problem. What are the four foundations? How would you define them? Or if I asked you tomorrow to build a school, what would be your four foundations that you would communicate to every supporter, to every teacher, to every principal, to every single pedagogue? So let me tell you the four foundations that the Rebbe Rayatz describes. And he says, Emes, ahavah, getreikheit, ibegegebenkheit. The four foundations are truth, authenticity, integrity, emes, number one. Number two, love, affection, ahavah. Number three, getreikheit, loyalty. Number four, ibegegebenkheit, dedication. Somebody didn't understand yet what he meant. The Rebbe decided to explain his words, and he said, "The Talmid Hayeshiva hatsach gerechnt vi a kind." The student in our yeshiva experienced himself as a child. In other words, he felt that we viewed this young man or young woman, in this case, young man, as a child. We saw him that way. He saw himself that way. He saw us that way. "The ahavah fun the talmidim einer tsum anderen iz geven tsu bavundern, dit the getreikheit un ibegegebenkheit fun the talmidim tsu the firer un fun the firer tsu the talmidim iz geven in fulen zin fun vort." The love that we had for every student and the love they therefore had for each other, the loyalty and dedication we had to them and they had to us, to the leadership, was full. It was absolutely complete. It was unwavering. And he says,

28:23 Speaker 2 "It was only because of these foundations that we produced the fruits that our yeshiva produced." May God bless all of our alumni, all of our graduates. Now, this wasn't said in twenty twenty-two. This sicha, Likutey Debarim, page chelek alef beis, page two forty-six, whoever wants to look it up, two four six. In the old Likutey Debarim alef beis, I think there's a new edition, so maybe the page number's changed. But this is the old version of Likutey Debarim alef beis, page two forty-six. The whole beautiful story about the matzah. In middle he says this. This was shared in the nineteen-thirties. It's a long time ago, as the foundations of the yeshiva. What does he mean? I'll be honest with you. I did this experiment with myself. Before I read the foundations, I wanted to know what the found-- what I think the foundations are, and I had two different ones. Two of them I got right, two of them I got wrong. I had two different ones. I had one, discipline, mashma- mashmaas. And I had another one, yiras shamayim. Right? I see a lot of women are nodding, of course. Of course. And discipline, I didn't do it as first, but some would even do it as first. And then I'm like, "Why doesn't he have that as a foundation?" And then I realized because the fridie the reb- the rabbeim really like all real, real pedagogues understand. Those who are not just technical te-- the, the-- Not only people who are, are technically

30:13 Speaker 2 involved in a work, but those who feel the depth of a person and who understand the depth of a person know that if my student doesn't feel the trust, if my student doesn't feel safe, secure, soothed, seen, connected, attached, or if my student doesn't feel the authenticity, the emes, if there's any sense and suspicion that there is manipulation, exploitation, cover-ups, things that I'm not really ready to address, maybe because I have never dealt with it. If there's any compromise on truth, or if I don't feel that you really love me, you're crazy about me, you're my biggest fan, you cherish me, and your loyalty and your dedication- The discipline at best, at best, will get me to do something, but it won't mold me into the moon. Pnei Yehoshua kipnei levana, pnei Moshe kipnei chama. Mold me into a genuine source of light. So yirashamayim mashma'as, the yesodis of Yiddishkeit and of chiddis, he didn't put into the foundations. Not because they're not vital, not because they're not indispensable, but because I have to know the foundation upon which the structure will live or the structure will completely crumble. As much as I will say, I tried so hard to convey these important principles. If my child in my house, in my family, not just in my school, doesn't feel safe, doesn't feel connected, doesn't feel attached, if they feel isolated, if they feel misunderstood, maybe I created a house that runs beautifully and on the outside it's picture perfect, but the foundation is decomposed,

32:21 Speaker 2 chalila. Sometimes I teach, but sometimes couples come also for a piece of advice. So very often Jewish couples who come to see me or send emails, there's usually they want me to solve and deal with an argument that the husband and wife are having. I don't know if any of you ever disagree with your husbands or your husbands ever disagree with you, I should say. But if there could be such a matzias, at least in New York, we have a few cases. So they come to Rabbi Y and they say, who's right? Should we go for Pesach to his parents or her parents? Very profound existential questions. Should we go Shabbos here? Do we send our kid to this school or this school? This school is more modern, but this school is less modern, but et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Now, how am I supposed to know who to side with? Besides, I'm not so stupid to side with him or with her. You don't do that. And besides, I don't know. I always say, listen, I don't know the answer. You're both intelligent adults. Hopefully you'll figure it out. I'm just going to tell you something more important, okay? Whatever you decide, whatever you decide, maybe you're right, maybe he's right, maybe you're both right, maybe you're both wrong, 50-50. You'll figure it out. Whatever you decide, here's something much more important. Make sure that after that decision is made and this argument is over, your relationship is intact and was

34:08 Speaker 2 not damaged because that is what matters. Will you go Pesach between you and me? Okay. Here they eat chocolate, here they don't eat chocolate. Here you still squeeze oranges and here it's like, no way, we're done. Here you check the salt and here you cook the sugar and here you're like, you know, what's for pizza for Chol HaMoed? I got it. We know about Pesach trauma. We know. Whatever you decide, you'll have macaroons, you won't have macaroons. I'm not getting involved. What's more important is after Pesach, Pesach is going to be over. You don't want your marriage to have been affected by that. That's what people don't realize. We can get into an argument. I could convince her. She could convince me. I'll win. She'll win. You both lost if the relationship was damaged. So whatever you decide, make sure the respect, the loyalty, the dedication, the trust remains present throughout the argument and after you make a decision. Good advice? Good advice, right? Okay. I want to say this with my students. Same thing. Maybe my decision to behave towards my student should be this. Maybe my decision should be the opposite decision. There's so many different approaches. One thing, much more important than the decision, much more important than what I do about the failing of the exam or the test or the final or the gemer. They still call it gemer, Rabbi Tzion Tachtal? Okay. I remember my sister, gemer, gemer, gemer. So I just wanted to make sure, you know, this

35:59 Speaker 2 is from the 70s. I just wanted to make sure there's not a new slang. I don't know. Whatever the decision is, you'll make a decision based on compassion and wisdom and sechel hayashar, most importantly, middas toivas. But whatever my decision towards the child is, I want to make sure that at the end of that decision, at the end of the year, at the end of the conversation, at the end of the whatever the assignment, I want to make sure that this child has not lost the feeling that I love them, I'm dedicated to them, I'm loyal to them, and I am authentic with them. And all of these qualities are a thousand percent in full and zin for the vart. Because if that's missing, maybe I'll get them to do the test, whatever it is, but I just pulled out the foundation from the yesodis of chinuch. Which brings me to the last point, our third point. The third point is What we're seeing now more and more and more in the moments before Mashiach's coming is... I mean, the Bashemtov said this around ni- nineteen thousand times. The Rebbe said it around nineteen million times. But what we're seeing vividly, and even in the secular sciences and in neuroscience, what we're seeing this literally open before our eyes is that there's no such a thing as a bad child. It doesn't exist. It simply doesn't exist. You say, "What do you mean? Yetzer Hara." It says that every person has a Yetzer Hara. Every

38:06 Speaker 2 person has a Yetzer Hara. That's true. And the question is, what's the definition of the Yetzer Hara? The definition of the Yetzer Hara, what we're seeing now is there's a brokenness inside of me. There's something that's lonely, that's isolated, that's broken inside of me. And as a result of that, I am driven towards behaviors or the lack of behaviors that may not be the most productive and beneficial and meaningful from my true, innate, internal divine self. If that's the definition of my Yetzer Hara, what's the worst thing I can do to help somebody get out of it? To break them more, to make them f-- more isolated. What's the best thing I can do to help them? To make them feel their own wholeness. This requires from me work, not with my children, but with myself. The deepest work of Chinuch today is not to work with my children, to work with me. You say, "Oh, no, no, no, Chinuch is about the children." Of course, if it's gonna be about the children, I have to work out what is happening inside of myself. I'm a teacher. I'm an educator. At least I try to be. The most important quality of my work is self-awareness. The Mitteler Rebbe stopped Yechidus one day. Why? 'Cause somebody came to him and shared with him a heinous sin that he did, and the Mitteler Rebbe could not find it within himself. So he said, "This means I lack self-awareness." I'm not gonna be graphic and describe to you

39:53 Speaker 2 the depravity of what this person did. Something that even the most morally depraved will have a hard time understanding. And he comes to the Mitteler Rebbe, he wants to do Teshuva, and the Mitteler Rebbe says, "I have to stop because if he came to me, it means I can help him. I can only help him if I find something inside of me that is similar to this, at least on some level. And I can't. That means I lack self-awareness. I can't help him." Wow. You know that he fasted for three days until he found this issue inside of himself, and then he went to help him. What does this mean? It's a mind-boggling story, but it is so authentic and so real. What it means is that if I am not fully aware of what's happening inside my soul when my daughter or my student speaks the way she does or comes dressed the way she does or responds the way she does or talks in the classroom the way she does or her whole velt unshaung, whatever that is, whatever is happening, first and foremost, for me to be able to be here for this person, I first have to be able to be here for myself. Because if not, what's gonna happen is I will try to fill my own pain and assuage my own anger and camouflage it by saying I'm doing what's best for the child. Self-awareness means I can really be aware of what just happened in my heart and

41:21 Speaker 2 in my brain when I saw this. Yes, I may have gotten-- went crazy. Yes, I may be simmering with anger. Yes, I may wanna run away to New Zealand for a few months. Yes, a lot of self-doubt. And yes, I can watch myself blaming. And once I could see that, I can now choose to ask not what this student can do for me, but what I can do for this student from a place of deep empowerment. When Moshe Rabbeinu was attacked by Korach, the Pasuk says three times, "Vayishma Moshe, vayehi pal al panav". He fell on his face. No other story does he collapse three times. Why? Nobody knows. It's very unclear. Three times him and then twice with Aaron. Why are they all falling on their face? If somebody comes and attacks me, I don't wanna fall on my face. I wanna answer them or call nine one one, whatever. What are you collapsing on your face for? And there's an unbelievable interpretation in Chumash. Moshe Rabbeinu said to himself, "I'm their leader. If there's something so rebellious about them, it means I did not communicate to this person in a way that their brokenness can hear it." So Moshe said, "I have to go down to a lower level." Vayishma Moshe, vayehi pal al panav. I have to descend to a lower space in order to be able to touch your heart, your mind, your soul. Here you he- hear a response without an ounce of insecurity, without an ounce of fear, without

43:03 Speaker 2 an ounce of which is completely my own timidity, which is fine. I'm normal. I'm human. I am scared. I have self-doubt. I'm insecure. I have my traumas. Gesundheit! But can I be aware of it and then say, "And now, how can I touch this person? What do I-- what do they really need? How am I gonna be a sun that will show the moon that it's not dark, it's bright?" And when I can do that, I will see that that definition, that statement, this child is really bad, this child is really, really, really this, is based simply on a lack of awareness of what a soul is, of what a person is. Whatever the decision that has to be made, that has to be made, has to be made. But that decision must come from a place of completely tuning in to your soul, to your heart, to your space. It's a thrilling and exciting challenge, but it requires a lot of humility, and it requires constantly Avodat Atzmus, internal work, so that each and every one of us, as we step into our home and as we step into our classroom and we take a look at each one of those girls sitting in those classrooms, they could see themselves as moons facing the sun. Thank you for listening. Wishing you much hatzlacha in your vital tzlchos.