0536 - Why No Mixed Dancing At a Wedding

00:00 In one of the previous voice notes, I mentioned the sicha that the Rebbe spoke about tznius, and the Rebbe spoke very bluntly. He spoke about having short skirts and things like that. And I said that because when it comes to something halacha-like, you have to be very clear. I even mentioned what Rabbi Mendel Futerfas said, that just like Rav Zalman Moshe, when he would talk by a farbrengen and try to say certain things to make it clear, he would say words which are not so appropriate, and he said because the Nefesh Haba'am, the yetzer hara doesn't understand any other language. But the Rebbe also, he had to speak very clear and very bluntly in order for the yetzer hara to understand. So I want to mention that there was another time in the same issue that the Rebbe spoke about, must also spoke very bluntly. That was Shabbos Parshas Nossei, Tov Shin Lamed Beis, the Shabbos after Shavuos. And since Shavuos is the day of the chasuna of the Ribono Shel Olam, so the Rebbe spoke about the chasuna. So he said, therefore, he's going to say, speak something else about the chasuna, and he went into the subject of the problem of mixed dancing. He actually used the English word mixed dancing by a chasuna. And he explained it in very simple terms. He said that he wants to explain it in a way that even simple people should understand, because who's the one that wants it, and who's the one that even asks

01:16 questions about it? There's some people who don't know much in Torah, so you can't tell them that this is a halacha, that you're not allowed to, according to some poskim, it's a isur de'oraisa. Some say it's a lav, some say it's not a lav, but it's isur de'oraisa. Some poskim say it's not isur de'oraisa, but it's definitely isur chibuk and nishuk and kiruv and all kinds of problems you have here, which is al pi halacha. But the Rebbe said, but nevertheless, he wants to explain it in a very simple terms, besides the halacha, because the people we're talking to are Anusim Shvutim, people who don't know, and therefore you can't tell them halacha because they don't accept it. It doesn't mean anything to them. So you have to bring it down, push it in simple terms. And the Rebbe said he's going to explain in simple terms, in a way that the chopling that should be even understood by these people, not only should be understood that they should be maskim and agree with it, it should be so clear to them that if they would see someone else do it, they would tell them, "How could you do such a thing?" Because he really understood it. What was that explanation? So the Rebbe explained it like that. We're talking about a chasuna. What do you do by a chasuna? By a chasuna, there's a chuppah. What do you do under a chuppah? The choson says, "Ariat mekudesheti." What does that mean? He says that

02:19 you are exclusive to me. You are now bedavka me, exclusive to me. And that's what we even write in the Tnu'im. The lashon there is, "Le'alimu leze mezugu, lezu meze." They shouldn't hide from each other. They should be together. That means that the whole kavanah of a chasuna, to make a connection between the choson and the kallah in such a way that no other person should get involved in between them. And that's what you have the sheva berachos about, and that's what we say, "She'asimcha bameini," et cetera, et cetera. And that's what everybody wishes the choson and kallah, their parents and their relatives, everybody, that this should stay. It should stay forever, this connection, that they should never separate. Nothing should come in between them. No other person should come in between them in such a way that if, chas v'Shalom, sometimes there's hardship and the connection is not so good, we should work very hard to bring the connection back. And that's what we hope by a chasuna. It should be a binyan adi ad forever. Now, what happens when you have the mixed dancing? What you're doing is right after the chuppah, you-- when you said that you, this is gonna be just a husband and a wife together, what happens is you have mixed dancing, which is completely the opposite of what you just said when the, the, the chuppah is. It stresses that there is something in between because that's what they do. They dance with someone else's wife, and the

03:33 Rebbe was very, very blunt, and he said these words, that "Yerek et ishem eshes reyehu." And if you're a little bit frumer, you don't do that, so it's a single man with a single woman that they dance, which is also full of isurim with chibuk and nishuk, but he's not talking about the isurim. But it's the opposite of what a chasuna is. A chasuna is to show that there is exclusive this man with this woman, and here you mix in somebody else, and even if they're single people, but it shows that we don't need a chuppah to be able to be together, and you can do it. You can have a conne- connection without a chuppah, which is the opposite of what you just did by a chuppah. And also, we need to do things for the future, and by doing this, you're doing the opposite of what you expect in the future of this couple. And this is all in addition to the halacha that obviously this is also. That's not what we're talking about. We wanna tell people who don't understand halacha, don't accept halacha, they should also understand that. But then the Rebbe said there are some times that people say that there are some other people involved, and they are rich people, and they have money, and because of that, we can't, you know, change it, and we have to give in to have mixed dancing. And the Rebbe said, "How could you say that? The money that he has is

04:39 not even his, so what do we care what he says?" The pasuk says, "Li hakeseh v'li hazahav nom Hashem." Hashem says, "The gold and silver is mine." Like we say, "Hakeseh v'hakavod l'chai lam," everything is Haibeshter's. Even the body of the person himself is not his, it's the Haibeshter's. So what are you gonna say that because he has money, that's why we have to give in to this? So therefore, this is not an excuse. And therefore, the Rebbe said the right way to do it is that you're able to dance the way you're allowed to dance, the way it makes sense al pi seiach and al pi halacha, obviously, is men separately and w- women separately. And not only you're allowed to dance this way, you have to dance because it's a mitzvah l'sameach choson v'kallah, so you have to dance in a pa-- in a real, real proper kosher way. And the Rebbe said if you do that, this will bring a beracha to the choson, to the kallah, and everybody else who is there. And we say, "She'asimcha bameini," means that if we do this, then the Haibeshter in His mo'ed, which means in the heaven, has simcha, and this will bring everything the best for the choson, kallah dayah she'onim yevarech. And I remember standing there by the farbrengen wondering why would the Rebbe talk so bluntly? But the Rebbe did mention that someone asked him the question, but the Rebbe felt that he wants to explain that people should have what

05:46 to say to other people, because we find by the Rebbe that the Rebbe explained throughout his nesi'os answers to all the questions possible, some through letters and some through farbrengens. So he said this in order that we should be able to explain it. And then later, the Rebbe wrote a seitel b'ksav yad kodesh, uh, to, I guess it was an answer to that person who asked. Then the teich of that letter was exactly the same teich of the sicha. I had a copy of it, but now I don't remember where it is. I couldn't find it, but it definitely was the same teich as the sicha.