0430 - Feelings and Seder of Yechidus of Bochurim Part 2

00:01 Concerning Yechidas, one of the things that would take place a few days before Yechidas is the preparation of writing the tzetl. Because when you went into Yechidas, you didn't talk to the Rebbe. You wrote everything before on a piece of paper, a letter, tzetl. And when you would go into Yechidas, you would give the Rebbe the tzetl, and the Rebbe would read it, and he would answer. So you had to prepare the tzetl, and that took a long, long time because every word had to be exact. Every work- word had to be true. You couldn't write chas v'shalom anything that's not a hundred percent emes lamita to the Rebbe. Person would write down his matzav ruchni, where he's holding, and make a cheshbon ha-nefesh on the tzetl. And some people had questions, would ask the Rebbe questions. So that took a long time. So a few days before, you would start writing and writing and rewrite and write another copy, another copy to make sure that every word is meduyek. And when you're standing by the door to go into Yechidas waiting for your turn, you had the tzetl in your hand. You had it-- Uh, basically, you were saying tehillim the whole time, standing very, very fartracht, as we say, contemplating, thinking about your matzav, and knowing that now you're going into the Rebbe all by yourself, and you're gonna be there with the Rebbe. When the door opened, and you went into Yechidas, the person who was there before you would go out,

01:11 and then you would go in. That was your turn to go in. So the heart started pounding because of great hishrakshus, great excitement. And it was almost like a fear that you were pashet afraid. Pashet b'gashmius, the body would shake. I remember once standing in the-- in Yechidas, my feet was shaking. One foot was really, really shaking that it was banging on the floor. It pashet made noise, and it was disturbing the Rebbe speaking. So I had to bend down and held with my hand. I held my foot down. It shouldn't bang on the floor. That's how the hergish was. Now, usually, when you would walk into Yechidas, the Rebbe would stand up a drop, would give a stand up for every person that went into Yechidas. So he got up as he's-- raised himself a drop from his chair. You would walk in, holding the tzetl in your hand. The Rebbe would stick out his hand to receive your tzetl. Then you would move a little bit back not to stand so close. And at that time, you can't imagine the feeling you had. The feeling of hiskashus to the Rebbe was so strong because you felt, "Ano, amalek be-chadei." It's only me and the Rebbe and nobody else. And here you felt your personal closeness to the Rebbe, and you felt that you are now standing in the Kodesh Hakodashim. Standing in the Holy of Holies, the holiest place that exists in the world, is where the Rebbe is, and that's how you

02:31 felt actually there. We know what it says in TaTaM, the Gaon R' Shmuel Ber Wisewer, how he describes when he was a kid, what his father explained to him. But there it's a story. Here we actually felt it. Going into the Rebbe, you felt there that you're standing in Kodesh Hakodashim. You can't describe the feeling that we had at that time. The Rebbe would take the tzetl, read it very, very fast. Sometimes he would put on glasses because if the words were too small, the Rebbe would put on his glasses to read it. By me, it never happened because I always used to write big words. But he would read the tzetl very fast. The way he would do it was he would take the paper and put his finger under the paper, and he would roll the paper over his finger, mamish, very, very fast. Took seconds, and he finished the whole page. When he finished the page, he would turn the paper around to see if there anything written in the back, and if it was, he would read it there. But if it wasn't, for myself, I never used to write on both sides, just on one side. He would roll-- put it down and read further, and he read very, very, very fast. Then the Rebbe started talking. While he was talking, most of the time he would look down on the tzetl. If he asked anything or you asked him something, you asked the Rebbe something, then he would pick

03:40 up his eyes. But like this, it wasn't. Only towards the end of Yechidas he would pick up his eyes. And then after that, the Rebbe would start talking after he finished reading the tzetl. Now, when it was Yemot Ledet, usually the Rebbe, what he would do is he would give herot for Yemot Ledet, which is the standard herot. He would say, "You should have aliyah the Shabbos before, and you should, on the day of Yemot Ledet, add in a shir and nigleh and a shir and chassidis. You should give tzedakah on that day before Shacharit, before Mincha. If it's Shabbos, your Yemot Ledet, give it on Friday." By me, sometimes my Yemot Ledet would come out on Friday, so the Rebbe would add that since your Yemot Ledet is Friday, make sure to be maivir the seder on the day of your Yemot Ledet is Friday, not to leave it for Shabbos. And then the Rebbe would start answering the shailas if you had, and he would start usually with this expression, "B'negei hadas ha-deshraibes," concerning this that you're writing, et cetera, so and so and so. So the Rebbe would answer saying what the answer to the shailah is. When the Rebbe finished, he would give brochos, brochos for Yemot Ledet, and usually the nusach of the brocha was mostly the same by everybody. You should have hatslacha in limud haTorah, limud ha-nigleh, limud ha-chassidis, and ikim ha-mitzvos behidur. By some people, he would add in a beit hatfila, and by some people he

04:58 would add b'tech briyas ha-necheiner. And when you saw that the Rebbe was finished, you would walk with your back going towards the door. In other words, you wouldn't turn around, chas v'shalom, your back to the Rebbe. You would face the Rebbe and walk back and go out of Yechidas. And then when you would go out of Yechidas, the first thing you'd do, you would sit down and write down what the Rebbe said. And I will continue in the next voice note.