0204 - Rabbi Skerter Don't Say Birshus Avi Umoiry by Zimun

00:01 Rabbi Skirder told me an interesting yichidis he had with the Rebbe Tov Shin Lamed Gimel. He comes from a Yekishe family, so obviously he followed all the minhogim of the Yekes according to Nusach Ashkenaz. But then when he became a Lubavitcher, he started following all the minhogim Chabad and started davening Nusach Ari in the Alter Rebbe's Nusach. One of the things that he used to do when he, before he started davening Nusach Ari, was that if he was ever mezamen by benching and they mechabed him to be, to lead the benching, he would say, "Birshus avi meiri." When you say birshus, he would mention his father. But then later, when he started davening Nusach Ari, and in the Alter Rebbe's siddur, it's not put in there. It just says birshus maranon, et cetera, but it doesn't say other things. So he stopped saying it. And his father was very upset. He said that this is a pritz hakavod, degrading for the kavod that you're supposed to have, the respect you're supposed to have for your father. So he says that you have to say it, especially by the Yekes, where things are more formal. So certainly you have to say it. He was planning to go to the Rebbe the first time. This was Tov Shin Lamed Gimel. So his father told him, "You're going to the Rebbe. Ask the Rebbe if you should do it, how you should do it." So he told me when he went into yichidis the first time, he asked

01:14 the Rebbe the shaila. So the Rebbe told him he should continue doing the way he does now, which means without saying birshus avi meiri. And he gave a reason why. L'chora, even if it's not written in the siddur, what, what's the big deal if you'll say a few extra words there, even though according to Nusach Ari, you don't say it? So the Rebbe said, being that this is after Ma'ayim Achreinim, and then you're not allowed to be mafsik, so anything extra that according to your nusach, it's not there, so it's extra, it's a hefsek, and you're not allowed to be mafsik after Ma'ayim Achreinim. So therefore, he should continue not saying it. And but he gave with his father kindness that this is a pritz hakavod, this is a degrading in the kavod and the respect you're supposed to have to your father. So the Rebbe said, show him what we say at the end of benching. At the end of benching, we say, "Rahaman yevarech es avi meiri, ba'al habayis hazeh." So you're actually giving great kavod to your father. So v'meile, by not saying it, it's not because we are not giving the proper kavod, but just because this is the nusach the way the Alter Rebbe made.