Baalas Teshuva Wrote That She Felt Like ‘Second Class’

Welcome to our weekly program.

This week we read about our first mother, our first mother. So I want to share with you a letter that a woman wrote — she writes that she's been married nine years, she has two children, and she writes that she wants the Rebbe should answer her. She never understood, and she needs it explained: when we say every morning, "Thank God that You didn't make me a woman" — that bothers her, and she wants it explained what that means.

Then she says that she and her husband, a couple of years ago, made up that every morning when they wake up, he should say Modeh Ani, and she answers Modeh Ani. And he says "shelo asani isha," and she says "she'asani kirtzono." So when it comes to that, she says it bothers her. That's question number one.

Then she says — excuse me — it seems like women are second class. She says she and more women sit on the side; the men are happy, they make kiddush, and they talk and they sing and they dance with the Torah, and they're happy, and things are going on, and we have to sit and watch them. So we feel like we're second class — our part is just to watch them. Also, she says, he makes kiddush, and it comes to a pasuk said over here: men speak, we have to keep quiet, we just have to listen. I mean, she has more things that are important, but she feels that women are second class. And she says, "If I feel that way, many other women feel that way," and she needs an answer from the Rebbe.

Now, I have the question here in the archives, but I could not find the answer to her. But I did find an answer from the Rebbe about this subject written to somebody else, and I will tell you the answer in a few minutes.

But before that I want to say something. The first mother is called Chava, and the first father is called Adam. Adam comes from the ground; the woman comes from a person — she's already higher, she comes from a person. And by the way, she is called Chava — she is the mother of all living. What can be greater than that? And by the way, in the original English, Chava is called Eve — Adam and Eve. So the Rebbe mentions somewhere: how does it get to "Eve"? What does Chava have to do with Eve? So the answer is, "Eve" sounds like "evil" — a woman is considered evil according to [other religions]. That's why a priest cannot get married; a woman is only there to please men. But according to the Torah it's the opposite — a woman is called Chava, she is the mother of all living.

This parsha is named after a woman. Sarah was greater than Avraham in prophecy, and Hashem said to Avraham, "Everything that Sarah tells you, listen to her." Look how great the Torah speaks about a woman — speak to the women first. Through them you can grow. She is called the akeres habayis — the mainstay of the home. The blessing in the home has to do with her; she is called "the home." They used to call — they didn't want to say the wife's name, they said "my home." Home is a woman.

And that's why the Torah gave her the three mitzvahs: to separate. She has the strength to separate — only she, not he. She lights candles — she begins the holiness of Shabbos. When she lights and says "good Shabbos," the home knows now it's Shabbos — she separates between the weekdays and the holy days. She bakes challah — she takes a piece of dough, physical dough, and puts it into the fire, and she takes away the chelek and makes it spiritual — she makes a separation between holiness and the weekday. The same thing also with taharas hamishpacha — when it's time to separate, she tells her husband, "now we have to separate," and afterward she goes to the mikvah, and they will have children through that. She has the strength that was given to a woman.

And it's mentioned that there were seven nevios — prophetesses — and by each one it says her greatness. As I just mentioned, [unclear] was greater than Hannah. She didn't want to go — can you imagine how holy it is to go to [the Mishkan]? Why didn't she go? Because she says, "I have a son, I have to take care of him." That's her responsibility — men couldn't do it. Only a woman has that strength.

Because of Jewish women we were redeemed from exile. All the problems nowadays are because of the golden calf — the women had no connection with the golden calf; the women refused [to give their jewelry] more than the men did. So we see, in general, I want to say the greatness of women — but the way people say "second class," it's not so.

Yet after all this, a man still says, "Thank God You didn't make me a woman." Why is that? Now we'll go and see the answer to somebody about that.

Now again, before I say that, I want to mention — I think I mentioned it once — that there was a woman I happen to know who she is. She wrote to the Rebbe about the Alter Rebbe, who made chassidim after he was released from prison — you know, people saw who he was. His son, the Mitteler Rebbe, made chassidim from balabatim. We know the Chassidus that the Mitteler Rebbe wrote was a lot for chassidim — balabatim started to become chassidim through the teachings of the Mitteler Rebbe. Then they used to say that the Mitteler Rebbe was so full of chassidus that if you would cut his finger, blood wouldn't come out, but chassidus would come out. This is chassidim — so they became chassidim.

Then she says, the Tzemach Tzedek made chassidim from rabbonim. We know the gathering that the Tzemach Tzedek had with the rabbonim, and they saw who a chossid is, so they started to become chassidim — rabbonim.

The Rebbe Maharash was a businessman — he made chassidim from businessmen. The Rebbe Rashab made chassidim from students, because, you know, before the Rebbe Rashab there was no yeshiva — he established Tomchei Temimim. The Frierdiker Rebbe, she says, made chassidim from children. We know the Frierdiker Rebbe's connection with children — you know, if you read the new book that I gave out, there too it says about children — everything is about children, stories and tales — he had a lot to do with that. He made chassidim from children.

And you, she says to the Rebbe, you made chassidim from women. So we see — the Rebbe and women's chassidus — this is from the Rebbe. This is the Rebbe's [achievement]. So it's not so [that women are second class].

Now let's go see what the Rebbe writes — I will read inside the answer to a woman who said that it bothers her why we say, "You didn't make me a woman."

The Rebbe says like this: in general, the husband's task is to be the breadwinner, while the wife has to take care of the home and children and to manage the house. This is a very complicated task. This requires a great deal of skill, and requires patience and understanding and many high qualities, which by Divine Providence were bestowed upon the woman, not the man. And the Rebbe says it is doubtful whether any executive position which the husband may hold requires greater skill and is more exacting than the domestic responsibilities of the mothers and the wives.

And this Rabbi Mindel writes in the name of the Rebbe — that you heard what the Rebbe said. Rabbi Mindel writes this, what I'm going to say now: because of all these responsibilities that a woman has, the Torah has exempted the Jewish woman from the obligation to fulfill certain mitzvahs. She is equally, with her husband, duty-bound to observe all the prohibitions of the Torah — the mitzvos lo ta'aseh and [the mitzvos aseh she-ein ha-zman grama, etc.] — and these are the majority; there are 365 "don'ts" and 248 "do's," I should say. However, in regard to the positive commandments, the Jewish woman is excused from the fulfillment of some of them — by no means all — mainly those which have a time factor or limit, out of consideration for her important wifely and motherly duties, to which the Torah gives precedence.

In this respect, Rabbi Mindel writes in the name of the Rebbe: therefore the Jewish woman is rather privileged than unprivileged. However, the male Jew, who has not been given the special privileges enjoyed by the Jewish woman, has something to compensate for them — namely, the opportunity to commune with God more frequently through fulfillment of those mitzvahs from which the Jewish woman is exempt. And it's for this reason — for the opportunity to serve God with these additional mitzvahs — that the male Jew makes the blessing. That's what he writes.

So we see how great — why we say [the blessing] — but look at the responsibilities that the Aibishter gave her. And when we see children grow up, and we have nachas from the children, this is the credit to the wife, not to the husband. The husband goes to work, the husband is busy with other things, but she is home. And we learn from Sarah that a woman is home — a woman is inside. And as we spoke many times about the wife, she was always inside, the woman — it shows many things. And that's why by Sarah it says all her years were equal in goodness, because she was 100 percent herself — she showed everything what a woman should be. And this is what we can learn from our parsha this week.

Next week we will continue our weekly program. Thank you.