Answers to Complaints About Husbands Saying L’chaim

Welcome to our weekly Mitzvah Shabbos program. Today I want to share with you some questions that mothers and wives wrote to the Rebbe complaining about their husbands or children drinking mashke.

Now, a lot of the answers are in Yiddish, and the reason the Rebbe wrote that in Yiddish is because of the questions.

I decided that I'm not going to share with you exactly what they wrote, because there are other things involved. I'm just going to share with you the Rebbe's answers about drinking mashke. But before I do that, I want to share with you an article that was written years ago. I have the article.

It's very interesting. He came to 770 and Rabbi Groner told him that he should go to Rabbi Mindel and interview him, and Rabbi Mindel told him to go to Long Beach, which he did, and he wrote something very interesting. What did the guy write?

The guy took a sabbatical. He wanted to spend a year traveling around the world — America, Australia, England. He wanted to see the things he had heard about, all the different customs he had heard of. He always was wondering, so he took a year off to investigate what they were. So he went to yeshivas.

He writes that he was in several places — I'm just going to mention a few, not everything. He was in Vizhnitz, he writes he was in [Boro Park?], he was in other places. Then he came to America — he was in Cleveland, he was in Telshe [?], and then he went to Los Angeles, he went to Baltimore, a few other places he went, and also Williamsburg, Boro Park, and Union City. He writes more or less what he saw in each place.

The last place he went to was 770.

First of all, he writes about the Rebbe — this is the older Rebbe — he looked very holy, big, pious, long beard. He spoke, he spoke a few minutes, then he stopped, and they were singing a lot. He was very impressed. He went to Williamsburg, he sat, there were also a lot of people, they were singing. He was very impressed.

He went to other places in Israel. He saw, I think, Belzer chassidim who were looking into a paper when they spoke, but that's fine. He was very impressed how they held to their customs. He saw a little bit of difference between one place and another — not much. The way they prayed, the way they did things, they were singing, dancing, clapping hands — some more, some less. This is what he was describing.

He went to Telshe, of course, and he saw there wasn't so much singing, but he saw that on Shabbos they all had Kiddush, and he mentions this because we're talking this week about the fact that everybody had a Kiddush, and everybody had mashke on the table.

He came to 770, and here he writes about two things that he didn't see anywhere else.

One thing he saw was the Rebbe's humility. The other Rebbes were dancing, with their feet, with their hands, loudly. The Rebbe comes in to daven humbly — you can't even tell that he's a very holy man. He writes that he knows he's a holy man, but the humility is what made him different from anybody else.

Then he saw a farbrengen, also with thousands of people. The Rebbe spoke an hour, an hour and a half. Everybody was quiet. He did not understand a word of what was being said, but [he was amazed] how a person could speak so much without stopping, without looking into anything — just speak and speak and speak. Very impressed.

But the main thing that impressed him was that the Rebbe was sitting for seven hours and never leaned back once. The only time he leaned back was when [Gordon?] told a story for about five minutes, but in general he never leaned back. That meant it wasn't just a speech — he didn't know [the content], but he saw how it was delivered, something he never saw anywhere else.

Another thing that impressed him very much: with other Rebbes, there would be a big crowd, and the Rebbe would gesture like this to everybody, and everybody would answer, and that was it. But with this Rebbe, people would come up with their cups, stick out their hands, and the Rebbe would say l'chaim individually and emotionally to every single person. There were hundreds of thousands of people, and he wouldn't start talking until every single person had [their cup], and then the person would drink. He never saw anywhere else how every individual is important — that the Rebbe gave l'chaim to every single person.

So this is what I wanted to mention about this.

Now, going back to what I mentioned about drinking mashke — the truth is that a woman wrote to the Rebbe that because of drinking mashke her husband had a problem with his liver. So here I want to read to you some of the answers that the Rebbe gave. Some of them are in Yiddish, some are not. But these are answers to people.

First, the Rebbe writes: "A rumor reached me which caused me pain, that sometimes he's not careful regarding drinking mashke."

Somebody asked, "What if it's even a small cup — can you drink?" The answer: "It's already known what our [Rebbeim] spoke out against — drinking mashke at all is not allowed, unless it is l'chaim, and even then it must be a limited amount, according to each individual person. Meaning, if there's a concern that he will get drunk even from a small amount of mashke, then for him even that small amount is forbidden."

Then another [letter] writes: "I see a difference between the effect of a farbrengen with a little mashke versus a farbrengen where mashke is used to the extent that people go out of their keilim." So there is a difference for different people. The Rebbe answers that it is fundamental that they should limit themselves to three cups, and that all three cups together should equal less than a reviis. You know how much that is? A reviis is 2.9 ounces. It should be less than that.

So when the Rebbe says three cups, you can't take three regular-sized cups — they have to be very, very small. The only exception is that the wine of Kiddush is not counted in the count of the three cups.

"I'm saying this straight out — I'm not saying this on Shabbos, when there are no recordings, so that people from elsewhere could come along afterward and play around with the meaning of my words. I'm saying this at a time when what I'm saying can be recorded and engraved forever, so that this recording can reach whoever wants to hear it. This is being said with the full strength as when spoken originally, and this applies for the future as well — that until forty years old one should be yotzei with these three cups, and even less, like the story of when [Varkin?] heard the great news of Yud Tes Kislev, that the Alter Rebbe was freed. He danced around the Alter Rebbe's room holding mashke, but he didn't actually drink."

Now, somebody says that mashke helps him overcome the yetzer hara — I think one of the mothers wrote that her son said drinking mashke helps him overcome [it]. So, unlike the opinion of those who mistakenly think that through drinking mashke they'll remove the mud of the nefesh habehaimis and increase the nefesh Elokis — rather, the opposite is true. As the Frierdiker Rebbe spoke and instructed to publish, mashke is disgusting. Those who want to say that it helps them in serving Hashem are wrapping this in a silk garment, making it look holy, and they even go on to say that this is what the Rebbe wants. They think they are strengthening the nefesh Elokis over the nefesh habehaimis, but the opposite is true — through this they are strengthening the nefesh habehaimis over the nefesh Elokis. [He is taking the yetzer's head and digging it into the place where the daas is.] [unclear]

Now people think that by drinking mashke [it helps them in avodah]. So the Rebbe writes that all these excuses are not relevant here. There are bigger matters that they do not pay attention to. We need to know that this is not a small matter — in fact, this can be the indicator of whether or not he's holding on [to Yiddishkeit]. The fact that the Frierdiker Rebbe instructed to publish that it's assur shows us that this is something relevant for all future generations, that mashke is assur.

Now, some people don't drink much themselves, but they're happy to give mashke to other people. So the Rebbe writes: there are those who not only drink mashke themselves but encourage their friends to drink, like what's written in [a certain source] — I don't want to quote it, I don't want to elaborate on a matter which is painful and disturbing. I think the Rebbe is saying that they should not only guard themselves, but they must also ensure that the other person won't drink more than three.

Now, here the Rebbe heard that there are those who grant themselves such a thing — "Such a thing never existed." Please give over the message to [our people] and to friends — what I'm saying is, a person who is drunk is not [a proper chossid] [unclear], and the Rebbe writes here it's obvious that what we're saying about this isn't referring to drinking one small cup, but rather to drinking to the point of intoxication. A shikur is not [unclear], and how much more so not a Chabad chossid, who is all about intellect and understanding. Moreover, intoxication is related to [kelipah] and not to [kedusha], and therefore not to Torah, and not to davening, and not to the name of the [Rebbe]. [unclear]

Now he says there are those who consider themselves [chashuv — important] and therefore think that the restrictions don't apply to them. So to them we are saying specifically — because he thinks these restrictions do not apply to him, they apply specifically to him. And about his claim that he's [important] — firstly, the Rebbe says it's doubtful that he is, and secondly, that's not what being a Chabad chossid is about. What it's truly about is spreading [the wellsprings]. This is the decree — you have no permission to doubt it, whether you understand it or you don't understand it. This is what the Rebbe says.

Now, this is especially relevant since they are at the age [where they should know better]. They should be watching the young and elderly, giving them only a small cup, but they themselves should not drink. Only then, when a bochur does not drink, is he called a good bochur.

There is also another famous [statement] from the Rebbe regarding mashke, where he says it is disgusting, and anyone who will look into it will realize what mashke is. Now, based on the Gemara which states that until age forty, eating is better, and from then on drinking is better — everything I will say now mainly applies to those under forty years old, especially those who are not yet married, since for them there are even more reasons to avoid drinking mashke. But even those older than forty need to minimize their drinking of mashke.

Now here the Rebbe speaks about where there is a farbrengen and about Kiddush. Everything that was said applies all year round, whether weekday or Shabbos, as well as in all places, whether in this country or other countries. Most probably this will be published, he says, and given over to everybody. Only regarding one day a year, Purim, he doesn't want to get involved, for two reasons: one reason is that on Purim we need to reach the level of "ad d'lo yada," and while in such a state, there won't be the clarity to convince him not to take mashke. The second and main reason is that by the time Purim comes, Moshiach will probably come, and we'll be drinking mashke anyway.

This is what I wanted to share with you about mashke. I'm doing this because we mentioned mashke before, and also because it's going out of hand. Parents, even today, push people to drink, and you can see here that the Rebbe says you are not allowed to drink mashke. I don't understand — some things the Rebbe said are held as holy, which is good, but when it comes to things that people don't like, what the Rebbe says means nothing to them. This drinking of mashke should stop.

This is what I thought I would share with you today. Next week we will continue our weekly program. Thank you.