Things a Couple Should Do During Pregnancy

Welcome to our weekly program, the inside story of Chabad in America through the Mindel archives.

Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz: the Rebbe told him that he should change his name to Even Yisrael. He was very, very close with Rabbi Mindel. There are many correspondences. He wrote to Rabbi Mindel; Rabbi Mindel answered many letters, questions. Rabbi Mindel was like his teacher. He was a bochur, and even after he got married. Since Rabbi Mindel translated the Tanya into English, he asked him a lot of advice about Tanya. He considered Rabbi Mindel as his teacher. And certain things that Rabbi Mindel couldn't answer, or whatever, they wrote to the Rebbe, and the Rebbe answered certain things. We have all these answers, you know, from the Rebbe, from Rabbi Steinsaltz, also Rabbi Mindel.

So why am I saying this now? This week, Tes [?] Sivan, was the chasuna of Adin Steinsaltz. Here is the invitation. The chasuna was Tes [?] Sivan, Tav-Shin-Chof-Hey [?]. And the Rebbe told Adin Even Yisrael he should send an invitation to Rabbi Mindel in America. The chasuna was in Yerushalayim.

Here's the invitation, and it says here that the chasuna will be at five o'clock, and at the bottom it says six. Apparently it seems that Rabbi Steinsaltz maybe wanted to have a different invitation. You know, many people have all kinds of invitations, but a Chabad invitation is one invitation. It's a very short invitation, and it has four paragraphs, and I'll tell you the reason soon. It says there that the chuppah is at five, because the [unclear], and it says five, but at the bottom you should put six o'clock. Maybe this is where it comes from.

So this is the invitation that he sent to Rabbi Mindel. Rabbi Mindel was very meticulous; he was very organized. So next to this invitation, together, he put a typed letter that somebody asked something, and also typed what he said, or Rabbi Steinsaltz said, or the Rebbe said. I don't know who said what, but I know that this question here was asked of the Rebbe.

What was the question? No, before that, he says here why the invitation is like this. Because the invitation is ahava. The first paragraph, that's what the Rebbe wanted, starts with an aleph. The second paragraph starts with the hey. The fourth paragraph is [unclear], and the third paragraph is [unclear]. This is how we have our invitations, and that's why the Rebbe wanted it to spell out ahava.

So here is attached: somebody asked the Rebbe about ahava. Somebody asked the Rebbe: he loves G-d, he learns Torah, he has yiras Shamayim, all good in him, but he needs a bracha for shalom bayis. His love to his wife could be better. So he wants to ask the Rebbe for a bracha. Now, I don't know who answered what, but this is how it's typed over here. [Hebrew read aloud, unclear]

Now, by the way, this is a maimra mushgar [?]. Once somebody of Anash, Guest Guest Mommy [?], was the president of the Young Israel. He told me that he was in line, and finally he came in to the Rebbe, and he said to him like this. He says, "Rebbe, give me a blessing. I need a bracha, but I need a shtickel bracha, because I don't want to bother you with a big bracha. You're such a busy person, so give me just a shtickel, a piece of a bracha, not a whole bracha." So the Rebbe gave a smile and said to him, "I have a minhag that when I give a bracha, I don't give a [unclear]." So this person wanted a bracha.

This is typed over here. So then it goes on to the second thing. However, there are four types of love. There is ahava between husband and wife; that's one type of ahava. Then there's ahava between two friends. Then there's ahava between parent and a child. And then there is a love between a Yid and G-d, the Aibershter. These are four different types of ahava.

In the letter [?], Rabbi Steinsaltz writes: the first ahava is the ahava between a parent and a child, where it says that he brought Rivkah to the tent, "vaye'ehaveha," and he loved her. Then there's "v'Rivkah oheves es Yaakov" [?]; that's the ahava again between a parent and a child, Rivkah oheves es Yaakov. Then there is [unclear], ahava between husband and wife, "vayishak Yaakov," Yaakov kissed Rachel [?] and he cried. We learned a few weeks ago between two friends. And then we have to say love of [unclear], and then at the end [unclear].

Meaning, in order to love G-d, you can't say you love G-d but you don't love your wife. That doesn't work that way. In order to love [unclear], the love of G-d is the last thing. The first thing has to be the love of a husband and wife, and the love of children, and the love of friends, and ahavas Yisrael, which is greater than ahavas Hashem, as we all know. Then you'll bring [unclear]. But if you say you love [unclear], then it's a whole question.

And then he writes over here the saying, it's written here: a person should always be careful in the honor of his wife, for blessing is not found in his house, shalom [unclear], only because of the wife. Blessings come because of the wife. And he brings down the Rambam, and then he writes: and he should honor his wife and kids yoser [?], more than [unclear]. This is what he writes over here, how much you have to be careful about shalom bayis. This was attached to this invitation.

Now here I want to say a maimra mushgar [?]. People say that it's from the Rebbe. I don't think it's from the Rebbe; it seems to me it's not from the Rebbe. I think it was from the Gerrer Rebbe, the Beis Yisrael. I think somebody came over to the Gerrer Rebbe and said that he heard that to [unclear] Motzei Shabbos is a segulah for shalom bayis. So the Gerrer Rebbe told him, "You want to know a segulah for shalom bayis? Help your wife wash dishes Motzei Shabbos. That's a segulah for shalom bayis." So this is what I [unclear].

Now I want to finish off with this letter, attached also to this, about a woman when she's pregnant. A letter written by the Rebbe in the early years. The whole letter, I want to say, was written to, you know, for sure what the Rebbe said to a lot of Anash. That means this goes for, it's not just to a [unclear], but it's to everybody.

A woman, when she becomes pregnant, she should not advertise; not tell anybody until the fifth month. This is [unclear]. And it would be a good thing that he should be bodek [?] in his house, and his wife should be careful [?] to [unclear] things: she gives tzedakah on Monday, Thursday, and Erev Shabbos before lighting candles. And the husband should strengthen b'shmiras [unclear]. And this all should be b'li neder [?], at least until after the birth, and it should be b'sha'ah tovah [?]. So we see from here that the Rebbe [said] that this should be done. This I think is [unclear]. I have [unclear] over here, which was written to everybody.

So the reason I'm mentioning this is because Rabbi Steinsaltz was very close to Rabbi Mindel. Rabbi Mindel was like his teacher, and they wrote a lot of letters between them. Rabbi Mindel was a very intelligent person, and we know Even Yisrael was very intelligent, but he got a lot from Rabbi Mindel, and the Rebbe was involved also in the writing.

So that's what I wanted to talk about [unclear]. Next week we'll continue our Thursday night program. Thank you.