Why the Rebbe Refused a Chabad Donor’s Request

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to our weekly program, The Inside Story of Chabad in America, through the Mindel archives. In the previous program we discussed Pirkei Avos — why it's called that, that parents have to be a living example — and also we spoke, we read the Rebbe's letter, how we have to mix ethics together with religion. This week I want to read to you a very short letter that the Rebbe wrote to someone, and then we will learn a lesson from this letter.

"Greeting and blessing. I do not know if you are aware of the fact that, for reasons beyond my control" — and here the Rebbe wrote "(doctor's orders)" and so on — "it is now several years since all private audiences have been suspended. Consequently, many prominent people who had requested an audience during this time could not be accommodated, much to my regret. This, of course, precludes me from making any exceptions, since it would be unfair — underlined — to those who had been refused in the past. I am therefore profoundly sorry at not being able to accede to your suggestion, especially as it concerns a person for whom I not only have the highest regard, but to whom I also feel a sense of gratitude for his kind support of a Torah [unclear] institution in your state. I might add that I am bound also by another basic tenet of our Torah, which requires us to be extra careful — underlined — in showing respect — underlined — to all — underlined — persons, including those who are less privileged in terms of stature and the like, and they too would be embarrassed if they had the feeling that they had been discriminated against. I am sure you will understand my predicament and will be able to convey my profound regrets."

Now, I don't have the letter that the person wrote to the Rebbe, but it seems that he wanted to have a yechidus with the Rebbe for someone, and this is how the Rebbe answered him: that he would love to do it, but he can't do it. In other words, the Rebbe doesn't show favoritism — everybody is equal. And here I want to bring a couple of short stories.

When I got married — this was years after the Rebbe had stopped being mesader kiddushin — in the early years the Rebbe used to be mesader kiddushin for people. By the way, only if the mother of the kallah didn't wear a sheitel, then I don't think the Rebbe would be mesader kiddushin, and also the father had to have a beard — but that's not the point here, anyway. So this was years later — before I got married, my father-in-law asked the Rebbe, since he was very close to the Rebbe (and by the way, Rabbi Hodakov was the same way — those two were very close to the Rebbe from the early years), if the Rebbe could be mesader kiddushin for his children. So the Rebbe answered him — I don't know exactly the wording that my father-in-law mentioned, but he said, "I would be glad to do it, I'm sure, but how can I do it? How can I show favoritism? In other words, if I do it for you, I have to do it for everybody — I can't." So we see how the Rebbe was very careful about certain things, that everybody should be equal.

Now another thing I want to tell you — I heard this too. This was in the winter. The Rebbe, Friday night, after davening Kabbalas Shabbos — Kabbalas Shabbos was about five, six o'clock in the evening — then the Rebbe went to his room, he stayed in his room for a couple of hours, and then he walked home. He walked home — it was probably about eight, nine o'clock. The Rebbe used to walk alone, but behind the Rebbe every week there were two bochurim walking a few feet behind him — they didn't want the Rebbe to walk alone, so that someone would walk him home. The Rebbe was going on Eastern Parkway, then he turned onto Brooklyn Avenue, and then he made a right onto President Street — President Street in Brooklyn. The two bochurim were in the back. And a girl stopped the Rebbe and spoke to the Rebbe — I don't know, maybe five minutes — and then afterward the Rebbe went home, and the girl was walking toward the bochurim, so they asked the girl, "What happened? What did you speak to the Rebbe about?" So the girl said — she was kind of a joking girl — "I don't know," she says, "I told the Rebbe I didn't make arrangements to eat for Shabbos — can I come to your house and have a meal for Shabbos?" So first the Rebbe asked me — she said the Rebbe asked her — "Do you have what to eat for sure?" "I have — I didn't make arrangements, but I go to many people, I have no problem, but I didn't make arrangements."

Then the Rebbe asked her again where she was staying, and all this. The Rebbe told her, "Believe me — I don't remember the exact wording — I would take you for Shabbos, but if I take you, I have to take other people also. I cannot do that." But then the Rebbe asked again, "Are you sure you have what to eat?" She said, "That's for sure." And that's not what happened — right after, Motzei Shabbos, the Rebbe called in one of the secretaries and said, "Find out — get her name, and find out what she's saying," right away, to find out whether she was okay, whether she was happy, meaning the whole thing. I don't remember exactly, but this is what happened. Later, after the Rebbe found out, then the Rebbe went home. So here we see how we have to learn from the Rebbe that everybody is equal — if you show kindness to one person, you have to show the same thing to other people.

Now I'll tell you another story which I heard from Kashia [?]. I don't know — people who knew him knew the whole story. Kashia was a person that every story he told was reliable. You know, we know that a lot of stories that we hear, even stories from the Rebbe's life, aren't necessarily a hundred percent true, and I know for a fact certain stories which I have in my archive, certain things that people were saying, and I look at them and I don't think they happened — but I don't know. But Kashia — everything he says is true. So he told me a lot of stories. He told me that Chaim Lieberman [?], who was the Frierdiker Rebbe's secretary, was a bachelor, and I think he lived in a room of his house. I don't know if he was married or not, but he lived there. This was in Russia — I think in Rostov, in Russia.

So one day — Chaim Lieberman, when he was later in a nursing home, told this to Kashia — one day the Frierdiker Rebbe asked him, "Please, tomorrow don't hang around here." I don't know exactly how he said it, but of course he told him in a very gentle way, very gentle. And by the way, the Frierdiker Rebbe was very careful about this. There was a time when there were bochurim upstairs at 770 — this was at a farbrengen, at 770 — there were, you know, ten people at the table, that was at 770, and the bochurim came to watch the way the Rebbe eats, and you know it's not comfortable to be watched the way you eat. So the Frierdiker Rebbe turns to the bochurim and he says to them, "Afilu l'malachim atem omrim lech" — "even to angels you say leave" — that's how he used to speak, it was very gentle, and they understood that they had to leave.

Anyway, so I don't know exactly why, but the Frierdiker Rebbe said to Chaim Lieberman, "Tomorrow don't hang around here." What happened: Rebbetzin Chana, the Rebbe's mother, came to visit the Frierdiker Rebbe — why? Because there was a shidduch being discussed between the Rebbe and Chaya Mushka, the daughter of the Frierdiker Rebbe. So she came to speak about it. She came and she asked the Frierdiker Rebbe — I think the Frierdiker Rebbe wanted the Rebbe for a son-in-law — she said, "I need no dowry" — here's the thing, he was supposed to give a dowry, and of course a special person like Rebbetzin Chana, whose son was such a special person, wants a dowry. So the Frierdiker Rebbe says to her, "I would be glad to give you, but I have no money."

And as we heard in the previous programs — I don't know if you heard — that when the Frierdiker Rebbe came to America he didn't have a penny in his pocket, he had no money — and he would love to do it, but he has no money. So she says to the Frierdiker Rebbe, "Oy, oy, give" — and that's when Chaim Lieberman told him, "Give" — he means give him a rabbanus — in other words, at least the Rebbe should be given something. I don't know exactly the words, but the Frierdiker Rebbe understood what Rebbetzin Chana meant. So the Frierdiker Rebbe said, "How can I, when I have other children? There will be jealousy, I can't do it." And the Frierdiker Rebbe was thinking, and then — he didn't know what to do, and he smiled. So she understood that things would be good.

Here we also see that you can cause jealousy — sometimes you have to be very careful. They couldn't do it, even though the Frierdiker Rebbe wanted to. So we learn a lesson from this.

And this lesson — last week we spoke about this type of lesson from Pirkei Avos, lessons that we can learn — we can learn here from the Rebbe how a person should be. We know it says — because of a special coat, we went into Galus, because Yaakov Avinu showed favoritism to his son Yosef HaTzaddik, and the brothers felt bad, and that's what caused it. So we learn from here how we should be.

Next week we will continue with another special letter from the Rebbe that we can learn a lesson from. Thank you very much.