Somachat Alayich - Episode 11 - Coming to Light

00:00 Speaker 1 Is it on?

00:01 Speaker 2 Okay, it’s on. “So Happy for You,” Michal Levitin.

00:10 Speaker 1 “So Happy for You,” Chani Marzel.

00:13 Speaker 2 I rely only on Hashem. I rely on Him.

00:15 Speaker 1 Oh. Ah, ah.

00:18 Speaker 2 What else can you do but rely on Him? It’s only Him.

00:20 Speaker 1 Right. We’re the conduit. Let’s say it together—

00:24 Speaker 2 Conduit.

00:25 Speaker 1 The conduit.

00:26 Speaker 2 Yes. No, but seriously, last week we had, uh—

00:31 Speaker 1 Wow.

00:33 Speaker 2 We had the very first gathering here, a really initial gathering of the community.

00:37 Speaker 1 Right.

00:37 Speaker 2 That’s taking shape. How are you?

00:41 Speaker 1 I got so many responses. That was the whole community? There were ten women here.

00:46 Speaker 2 Twelve women.

00:47 Speaker 1 Twelve. Right. Um—

00:49 Speaker 2 People thought that was the community.

00:50 Speaker 1 They thought that was the community. So no, it was just a pilot—

00:54 Speaker 2 It was an initial gathering, to get a feel for it.

00:55 Speaker 1 An initial gathering of some of the—

00:57 Speaker 2 Which it was, but instead of you sharing a link and everyone who—

01:01 Speaker 1 No, I announced it to everyone. Anyone who wanted could come, but I made it a condition that it would be filmed.

01:06 Speaker 2 Oh, it was filmed, and also—it took a few things lining up in the end. It was in the morning.

01:10 Speaker 1 Exactly. That’s it, not everyone is up in the morning. Right, and not everyone wanted to be filmed.

01:14 Speaker 2 We need to do one abroad too.

01:15 Speaker 1 Wow, that really—

01:18 Speaker 2 But this was actually the first time they met—they really came to your home.

01:24 Speaker 1 By the way, I didn’t know who was going to come.

01:26 Speaker 2 Right.

01:27 Speaker 1 I mean, the company handled the registration.

01:31 Speaker 2 Right.

01:31 Speaker 1 And I welcomed them without knowing who would show up.

01:36 Speaker 2 A real blind date.

01:37 Speaker 1 Really. And it was so moving. They knew they were coming to hug me, and I—

01:45 Speaker 2 What I noticed so much was that they already know your home.

01:48 Speaker 1 Right.

01:48 Speaker 2 And then suddenly they saw it in real life. It’s—

01:51 Speaker 1 Oh, it’s not as big as it looks.

01:54 Speaker 2 Why? It was just such a good experience. The atmosphere was good, and they—it was like, you know, it wasn’t an illustration.

02:01 Speaker 1 Exactly.

02:02 Speaker 2 It was about connecting. But something really, really extraordinary happened here.

02:06 Speaker 1 Absolutely.

02:07 Speaker 2 Women sat here and described changes taking place, a new language finding its way to their husbands and children. It’s... How are you? The whole time I was off to the side thinking, what’s going on with you?

02:17 Speaker 1 Again, you know, I’m in a state of shock that this has to do with me. Like, I created this thing. And I tell myself, no, Michal, you’re only the conduit. Calm down. Like—

02:32 Speaker 2 It passes through me.

02:32 Speaker 1 Come on. It passes through me, and I’m taking it in. You saw me—I barely spoke—

02:38 Speaker 2 Right.

02:38 Speaker 1 I was in shock, and even when I did speak, I got my words mixed up.

02:42 Speaker 2 Yes.

02:42 Speaker 1 Because this isn’t something I know. I’ve been onstage since I was ten. I know how to perform, I know how to be in the position of—

02:52 Speaker 2 The mashpia.

02:53 Speaker 1 The mashpia. And here I also had to—

02:55 Speaker 2 Though even there, it passes through you.

02:57 Speaker 1 Of course. But I think I’m also practiced at that. Okay? I’m practiced. I know the tools. I know how not to get overwhelmed, whatever the audience. I know how to give what I want to give in that moment, and I’m very focused. But here, because this was very much a gathering to get acquainted, first of all, to take it in—

03:16 Speaker 2 To feel it. It was about feeling it.

03:16 Speaker 1 To feel it. So I let myself feel it. I mean, I didn’t come in thinking, “I need to tell them something. I need to say something to them. I need to do stand-up.” Nothing. I said—

03:27 Speaker 2 I’m bringing myself.

03:28 Speaker 1 Just be.

03:28 Speaker 2 Exactly.

03:29 Speaker 1 Exactly.

03:29 Speaker 2 Here I am.

03:30 Speaker 1 Here I am.

03:30 Speaker 2 Master of the Universe, here I am.

03:31 Speaker 1 I’m opening my home. Come in; here I am. And I really experienced that.

03:37 Speaker 2 It, it—

03:38 Speaker 1 It was incredibly moving.

03:39 Speaker 2 It really was moving.

03:39 Speaker 1 It was moving because I genuinely let myself be moved and enjoy it. I just didn’t have to talk. I didn’t have to—I could simply feel their gratitude, have them come and feel that real embrace. They truly wanted to thank me, and really, it was—it was—

03:55 Speaker 2 Where does your gratitude to Hakadosh Boruch Hu come in?

03:58 Speaker 1 Wow, that’s a really, really good question. I don’t know if I do enough. I don’t know. I just thank Him all the time.

04:07 Speaker 2 You have bittul. You have such tremendous bittul, and that’s why the abundance flows. Right? But I think it’s because—I don’t know. I think you need to take a moment every day to look at yourself from the outside and say, “Wow.”

04:20 Speaker 1 Right?

04:20 Speaker 2 Wow, wow.

04:21 Speaker 1 I do that. I do zoom out and look at this whole thing. It does have to do with me. Yes, it’s me. And every time I tell myself that it really came from bittul, because if I’d put my ego into it, maybe it wouldn’t have happened, because—

04:36 Speaker 2 It probably wouldn’t have.

04:36 Speaker 1 It wouldn’t have happened, because—

04:38 Speaker 2 By the way, for you, that sense of “me” came from a place of feeling lowly. It was like, “Who am I?”

04:45 Speaker 1 That too.

04:45 Speaker 2 I have to get that “me” out of the way and let Hakadosh Boruch Hu send the abundance through.

04:50 Speaker 1 Absolutely, absolutely.

04:51 Speaker 2 An incredible abundance.

04:53 Speaker 1 It’s, it’s—I don’t know. I really have no words for it, because—

04:56 Speaker 2 I came away feeling that this needs to be in every home. And we need to find a way to make that happen. I mean, again, that’s also part of your prayer to Hakadosh Boruch Hu. But how? And again, there are people who won’t want to hold on to it. If we talked about the bar and holding a vessel to come take something from the bar, for some it’s enough just to see that there is a bar, to know it’s there, and to receive what they can. But bringing in a new language, a language of Geulah—women spoke about that here. At the end we also did a playback podcast.

05:37 Speaker 1 Yes, that’s you too.

05:38 Speaker 2 That’s Ahavas Rachim.

05:38 Speaker 1 Watch it. It was wow, wow, wow.

05:43 Speaker 2 Speaking of the playback podcast, that’s a G-d-given creation too.

05:45 Speaker 1 Absolutely, Chani. You’re a genius.

05:49 Speaker 2 Again, I’m not a genius. Hakadosh Boruch Hu gives me things.

05:51 Speaker 1 I’ll give you a spoiler. Chani sat here, and the member—the woman with her story—sat here, and I sat here. Okay?

06:03 Speaker 2 Sometimes you were a disruptive student, interrupting, and we wanted to send you out. No, but it also adds a lot.

06:08 Speaker 1 And I’m thinking, “Oh, okay, you’re talking, and this has to do with me.” Oh my goodness, she’s telling her story here, how I changed her life, and how it was me. Like, this has to do with me.

06:18 Speaker 2 So you’re going through [unclear], huh?

06:20 Speaker 1 Absolutely. Yes, I’m used to people telling me after a performance, “Listen, wow, you made me happy for the next day, the next week, the next month.” But “You changed my marriage, my home, my family, my children”—that’s on a scale I... I mean, it’s—

06:34 Speaker 2 You need to strengthen your vessel so you can hold it.

06:38 Speaker 1 Completely.

06:39 Speaker 2 And then there’s the... Really, it’s the language that changes, and that has a huge impact. I mean, think about it: every mother is a whole home.

06:50 Speaker 1 It’s children, a home, and generations.

06:52 Speaker 2 And there was a part of the program—there was a program too—

06:55 Speaker 1 Right.

06:57 Speaker 2 Where they wrote letters.

06:58 Speaker 1 Wow.

06:58 Speaker 2 They had to choose a child.

07:00 Speaker 1 You know I have some of the letters here.

07:01 Speaker 2 They left them with you?

07:03 Speaker 1 No, because at first I didn’t know. We thought maybe we’d read them on the podcast, but there was no need.

07:10 Speaker 2 No, no, no.

07:10 Speaker 1 So I told them, “Leave them with me.” And afterward I told them, “Amit[?], yes.”

07:15 Speaker 2 What did that do for you? Actually, wait, let’s explain what it was. They had to choose a child who would write them a letter about his mother, because of the club or even apart from it. What did that do for you?

07:25 Speaker 1 Do you want me to read some of the letters?

07:27 Speaker 2 I don’t know. Are you allowed to?

07:28 Speaker 1 No, it’s anonymous.

07:30 Speaker 2 Oh?

07:30 Speaker 1 I think we can. Can’t we?

07:31 Speaker 2 Do you want to read one letter? Pick a letter.

07:33 Speaker 1 Yes. I don’t know what will come out. Read it. Dovi, can you see if it’s here? If not, it’s on the... See if that’s it. Yes. Oh no, those are electricity bills. We could read those too. Take a look.

07:50 Speaker 2 It’s like how we used to have phone bills.

07:53 Speaker 1 What’s a phone bill today? We don’t have Bezeq.

07:55 Speaker 2 We don’t. But I used to get stressed when the phone bill arrived and I saw how many hours I’d talked. Back then we paid by the minute.

08:02 Speaker 1 Right? Okay. Wow. There are—oh my goodness. Okay, this one’s to a child who’s already married. This is incredible. Wow, they wrote whole scrolls here.

08:18 Speaker 2 Yes.

08:19 Speaker 1 Like... Here, okay, let’s read this one. There are lots of hearts. “Dear Mommy, since you joined the club, I feel a huge change at home. Something has opened up in you. Your happiness, calm, and peace affect me, and they make me a better, happier, calmer child. Mommy, I love you very much and appreciate everything you do for me. Thank you for everything. Thank you for the delicious food and for your patience, even when I pester you a little. Every day when I come home from cheder, I look forward to eating the delicious food you make. I miss you and can’t wait for you to come home, Michal Levitin and so on, so I can tell you what happened today in cheder.”

09:05 Speaker 2 Listen, listen, that’s incredible.

09:08 Speaker 1 I don’t know exactly what you did dur—this is a different letter, from another woman. Another mother. “I don’t know exactly what you’ve done lately, but I have to tell you, I can see the change you’ve made. Wow. You’re more thoughtful, you respond differently, you’re more of a friend. Even on Friday evening, when I went out and left a million things scattered around the house, I thought you’d surely yell at me. I didn’t help get ready for Shabbos, I went out for Shabbos, and I left a mess. And what did you do? You just sent me photos of the things and wished me a good Shabbos. It was funny and sweet. Ha ha ha. I enjoyed it so much. I hope you have the strength to keep going this way. I’ll always love you.” Look at these letters, one after another. Well, that really was a brilliant and moving exercise.

09:55 Speaker 2 That was—anyway. So what’s next, a big community event?

09:59 Speaker 1 With Hashem’s help, there are lots of dreams. Really, so many dreams.

10:03 Speaker 2 A dream to develop games?

10:06 Speaker 1 Chani, listen, you—first of all, let’s take a moment, one second of... Wait, wait, no, I need something. One second.

10:16 Speaker 2 It squeaks.

10:17 Speaker 1 Woo-hoo!

10:18 Speaker 2 It squeaks.

10:20 Speaker 1 Applause. Oh, stop, stop. That’s it, okay. Chani, do you realize what a huge part you have in this club? It’s—it’s—it’s a match made by Hashem that—

10:35 Speaker 2 Again, for what needs to be born.

10:36 Speaker 1 For what needs to be born.

10:37 Speaker 2 Yes.

10:38 Speaker 1 And it’s just...

10:39 Speaker 2 These days I call myself a surrogate.

10:42 Speaker 1 For—

10:42 Speaker 2 For things like this. Yes.

10:44 Speaker 1 Chani, let’s talk about you.

10:46 Speaker 2 About me?

10:46 Speaker 1 Could we? Could I put all the—

10:50 Speaker 2 Okay. Let’s do it.

10:51 Speaker 1 My club aside for a moment? People know it well enough? Great. Come on, I want to hear about you.

10:54 Speaker 2 Let’s go. What do you want to know? I’m not so used to being in this position.

10:58 Speaker 1 I want to be Chani Marzel interviewing Chani Marzel now. Okay?

11:03 Speaker 2 Let’s give it a try.

11:03 Speaker 1 I’m coming to this with curiosity. I have no idea.

11:07 Speaker 2 You learned the word.

11:10 Speaker 1 I have no idea what to ask.

11:12 Speaker 2 Go ahead.

11:12 Speaker 1 But, Hashem, open my lips.

11:15 Speaker 2 I really feel like I’m speaking with Chani Marzel.

11:18 Speaker 1 Chani, I’m a little...

11:19 Speaker 2 We’ve been together for a long time already.

11:20 Speaker 1 Yes, wait, let me just lower my voice a little. Like this. Wait, one second. Chani Marzel.

11:28 Speaker 2 Yes.

11:29 Speaker 1 Who are you? Tell us about yourself.

11:31 Speaker 2 Who am I? I’m Chani, a mother of five. I have four older children close in age, and ten years later came...

11:43 Speaker 1 The star.

11:44 Speaker 2 The star, Libi.

11:46 Speaker 1 Wow.

11:47 Speaker 2 Though these days I’m less comfortable calling her a star. She does have a series of books and all sorts of things. But today we live in a generation where you see a picture of a child and immediately afterward you see more things. So she’s not really a star. She’s a very, very great gift, and she’s brought us into a certain kind of parenting—as parents, like a young couple with...

12:10 Speaker 1 She’s brought the whole—the whole world into a kind of parenting. Come on.

12:15 Speaker 2 In this story—

12:16 Speaker 1 Because of her, you entered the world of children, the world of emotions, the world of stories, the world of—where, how did that—

12:23 Speaker 2 Yes, yes.

12:23 Speaker 1 Come on, she brought you into—

12:24 Speaker 2 But it’s true, it’s true. She brings a lot of light. I’m married to Shraga, and...

12:33 Speaker 1 How does your husband fit into this story? With all your craziness?

12:37 Speaker 2 I’ve come to realize that, actually, living with a woman who changes every day, all day—

12:45 Speaker 1 At the pace of AI, it’s...

12:46 Speaker 2 Yes, at the pace of... I really do change. Really. I’ll tell you in a moment how I got to that point, but it takes a husband who, on the one hand, is a very, very strong vessel that can hold it all, but who’s also flexible. Each time he takes in the new shape, adjusts to it, and holds it.

13:05 Speaker 1 Stretchy.

13:05 Speaker 2 Yes, but really strong, too.

13:08 Speaker 1 Wow.

13:08 Speaker 2 That’s my gift.

13:10 Speaker 1 Wow. Well, here’s to Shraga too.

13:16 Speaker 2 ...

13:16 Speaker 1 Men are usually...

13:18 Speaker 2 Right, so really—

13:19 Speaker 1 They’re like rope; it’s not so flexible, and—

13:22 Speaker 2 So it’s an enormous gift. And it means giving me room. I mean, seeing the... Again, he has that curiosity too. I don’t know, because holding all of this isn’t simple.

13:32 Speaker 1 I think a man who knows—who understands the potential and how much fun it is—that’s something... The fun never ends.

13:40 Speaker 2 In the end, the fun never ends. But I also think it can bring challenges and difficulties. It’s a lot. It’s a lot of work.

13:49 Speaker 1 A podcast with Shraga.

13:52 Speaker 2 Of course. Maybe Yossi and Shraga.

13:55 Speaker 1 Yossi and Shraga. Okay.

14:00 Speaker 2 Anyway, in that podcast when you came to us at the gym, you said all you had was a birth certificate.

14:08 Speaker 1 Right.

14:09 Speaker 2 So all I have is a birth certificate too.

14:11 Speaker 1 You can’t beat a birth certificate.

14:12 Speaker 2 I did get a high-school diploma, but over the years I’ve realized that the diploma doesn’t really count.

14:18 Speaker 1 I got it out of my life. I don’t know which “got” you mean.

14:21 Speaker 2 No, there was a diploma, but it was sort of—

14:23 Speaker 1 Yes, me too. I never picked mine up.

14:25 Speaker 2 But since you said that, I’ve taken away something from it: understanding what a birth certificate means. It means that Hakadosh Boruch Hu believes in us. Who do we need to believe in us? Only Hakadosh Boruch Hu.

14:34 Speaker 1 I say, even the researchers and the professors and the doctors and the very greatest people started somewhere, right? Not because somebody... They started with themselves. They opened up a path; they created a path.

14:43 Speaker 2 Right.

14:43 Speaker 1 So anyone can create some kind of path for themselves—

14:46 Speaker 2 Absolutely, absolutely.

14:47 Speaker 1 Out of what—

14:48 Speaker 2 And today the world is suddenly showing that you really don’t need it. I mean, I’m happy for anyone who has degrees and all that. My experience in school was that I didn’t understand the concept. I sat in school and simply didn’t understand the concept. Exactly.

15:07 Speaker 1 No, that’s it.

15:08 Speaker 2 Really. You get to school and you don’t understand. I’d sit in class—my niece described it today as being in airplane mode. We didn’t understand any of it.

15:17 Speaker 1 Wow.

15:18 Speaker 2 I remember sitting in class and suddenly the classroom would turn round, like a spaceship. The teacher would look tiny to me. I didn’t understand; I could hear her. Anyway, I just didn’t understand. Now, today they call it attention deficit disorder, but a child sitting in class—a student sitting in class—who doesn’t understand what’s happening there, doesn’t understand the process... She gets homework, doesn’t do it, and then gets notes for not doing her homework. Anyway, I forged my parents’ signatures, the whole thing.

15:47 Speaker 1 Same here.

15:48 Speaker 2 Anyway—

15:49 Speaker 1 I remember asking questions, and the teacher would say, “Come see me at recess.”

15:53 Speaker 2 Of course.

15:53 Speaker 1 Excuse me, I’m supposed to spend my recess on my questions?

15:56 Speaker 2 Now, thank G-d, socially I always did well.

16:01 Speaker 1 The grass was...

16:03 Speaker 2 I’m talking even about elementary school.

16:05 Speaker 1 Go on.

16:05 Speaker 2 I remember there were girls who could memorize things and get a hundred on a test. I’d get to a test and have no idea what was going on. I really, really didn’t understand. And I pretty much absorbed the idea that I was stupid.

16:19 Speaker 1 Tell me, though: at home, did they reinforce that idea that you were stupid, or were there moments of...

16:24 Speaker 2 Let’s put it nicely. My older sister was smart.

16:30 Speaker 1 Okay, I had smart sisters too.

16:32 Speaker 2 She was very smart, very talented, could write rhymes—really...

16:36 Speaker 1 [unclear].

16:36 Speaker 2 People said she was very talented, and she still is. Yes, but my experience was that we have this video where my father is asking questions. My father is really into Chabad dates, and he’s asking quiz questions. My two siblings know the answers; I’m clueless, I don’t know anything. It’s also an impression you develop of yourself. I can’t tell you that anyone sat me down and called me stupid, but...

16:59 Speaker 1 You figure it out on your own. I mean, you’re stupid.

17:01 Speaker 2 [unclear].

17:04 Speaker 1 Wow.

17:04 Speaker 2 But...

17:05 Speaker 1 But did you have any experience of succeeding at something at home?

17:08 Speaker 2 I was very eager to please, and also a very active presence at home. I helped a lot, cooked a lot, and did a lot from a young age, probably to compensate.

17:20 Speaker 1 Yes.

17:21 Speaker 2 Something else that really shaped my life was body image—my weight. It was very, very hard for me, but I kept it deep inside; I didn’t show it. With friends I’d joke about it, so it was as though I had... But I do have a very, very great gift from Hakadosh Boruch Hu: I remember reaching a point when I understood that I was stupid, that I wouldn’t succeed in school, but that I would manage in life. I was very young.

17:46 Speaker 1 Wow.

17:46 Speaker 2 And that’s practical wisdom, wisdom of the heart. But yes.

17:50 Speaker 1 Tell me, an unresolved question: did you have an exemption from wearing the uniform skirts?

17:56 Speaker 2 I don’t know if they made uniform skirts in my size. We still had those awful Turkish-style skirts.

18:02 Speaker 1 Yes, the ones with that sort of wide waistband and pleats.

18:04 Speaker 2 So I don’t know—maybe I did, maybe I didn’t—but I don’t remember if I had an exemption.

18:08 Speaker 1 Because I owe your mother a thank-you for that, you know.

18:10 Speaker 2 She got you an exemption?

18:11 Speaker 1 Yes.

18:11 Speaker 2 Oh, really?

18:12 Speaker 1 I told her it was really hard for me, in terms of my self-image, and she really understood me.

18:15 Speaker 2 Oh, she hasn’t arranged that for me yet, but okay.

18:18 Speaker 1 But did you wear those skirts?

18:21 Speaker 2 At some point while we were in high school, they changed the skirts, right? I don’t remember.

18:26 Speaker 1 No, no, no. There were those awful skirts, with this bit around the waist and then—

18:30 Speaker 2 Hashem have mercy.

18:31 Speaker 1 And then, uh, a balloon shape.

18:32 Speaker 2 See, see, I’ve repressed it. I don’t know. I don’t remember.

18:36 Speaker 1 I think you didn’t wear those skirts, and I think we were the only two.

18:40 Speaker 2 With exemptions?

18:41 Speaker 1 With exemptions.

18:41 Speaker 2 Could be. But do you understand what an exemption like that means? It’s such a label.

18:47 Speaker 1 Yes, but I wanted it. I mean, I really—

18:50 Speaker 2 Then I got to high school. In high school, in tenth grade. One thing, though: I really, really loved technology. PowerPoint was just starting then, and—

19:01 Speaker 1 But what did we have? Phones the size of refrigerators.

19:05 Speaker 2 No, but computers were already coming into homes, and you had PowerPoint and WordArt and things like that. In seventh grade, I think we were still using DOS. I don’t remember—maybe even floppy disks.

19:17 Speaker 1 Floppy disks.

19:17 Speaker 2 I learned touch typing.

19:19 Speaker 1 Wow.

19:19 Speaker 2 I mean, I was always very drawn to technology.

19:22 Speaker 1 Right, I remember that—

19:24 Speaker 2 And in tenth grade, I got a camera. My parents bought me a video camera.

19:28 Speaker 1 But I had one too.

19:29 Speaker 2 You filmed?

19:30 Speaker 1 Chani, don’t you remember? I had one too.

19:32 Speaker 2 Look how many things we have in common.

19:33 Speaker 1 That’s so funny.

19:34 Speaker 2 We spent a lot of time out on the grass, but—

19:36 Speaker 1 But you brought yours to school. I didn’t.

19:38 Speaker 2 The only thing I had in my bag was a video camera, and we would— I have so much, so much footage of trips. Now we—

19:43 Speaker 1 Bring out the footage, bring it out.

19:44 Speaker 2 I’ll bring it to you.

19:44 Speaker 1 Every so often I post something in the group, some demonstration we staged or something.

19:49 Speaker 2 We were a class—we were a crazy year group, and that was my thing. That’s what I had. That’s what I came with, what I carried around.

19:59 Speaker 1 It’s funny, that saved me too. You know—

20:01 Speaker 2 Think about it: twenty-five years ago, that just wasn’t a thing. Today everyone has one. How did it save you?

20:07 Speaker 1 It saved me because that’s how I got into camps. I got in free as the videographer; I didn’t have the money to pay.

20:12 Speaker 2 Ah.

20:13 Speaker 1 So I went to Camp Oro[?] because I filmed, and a few other places took me too, so I didn’t have to pay. Never mind that they still haven’t come to collect the footage.

20:22 Speaker 2 Now I understand where your children get what they do from.

20:25 Speaker 1 I bought one of those video cameras for filming—this big, with a little viewfinder.

20:30 Speaker 2 Once, when we were in twelfth grade, I think, there was an Amshinov chassidic wedding in Kfar Chabad.

20:36 Speaker 1 Oh.

20:37 Speaker 2 They didn’t have a videographer, so I filmed it. Afterward they bought tapes from me. It was wild.

20:42 Speaker 1 Really?

20:43 Speaker 2 The mitzvah tantz. Yes, it was... They came because they stay there overnight. I don’t know.

20:48 Speaker 1 Wow.

20:48 Speaker 2 Anyway, what happened was that I couldn’t manage the schoolwork. I survived.

20:56 Speaker 1 You didn’t even go to seminary?

20:58 Speaker 2 I got into seminary. I went through the whole track, so to speak, but I didn’t do the assignments I was supposed to do.

21:04 Speaker 1 You know what I did with the seminary? I went to the open day, and everything was wow, gorgeous and all that.

21:09 Speaker 2 And you go around to all the...

21:10 Speaker 1 Yes, and then the next day, or two days later, I put on my sister’s uniform and went in as a student.

21:16 Speaker 2 To the college?

21:17 Speaker 1 To the college.

21:18 Speaker 2 Why?

21:18 Speaker 1 I went into classes to see what it was really like.

21:21 Speaker 2 What?

21:22 Speaker 1 I just snuck in and sat down.

21:23 Speaker 2 And that’s how I realized I didn’t want to go.

21:25 Speaker 1 You didn’t want to.

21:25 Speaker 2 Nice.

21:26 Speaker 1 I said, “This isn’t what they showed us at the open day.”

21:28 Speaker 2 You’ve just given people a tip.

21:30 Speaker 1 That’s what I did.

21:30 Speaker 2 Sneaking in.

21:31 Speaker 1 Nobody noticed me. I just sat there. I don’t know—seminary.

21:34 Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

21:35 Speaker 1 I mean, no. I just sat there.

21:37 Speaker 2 You’ve given us an idea. That’s a method—a good one. Add it to your method.

21:42 Speaker 1 Me? Pretending to be someone else? Oh my goodness.

21:46 Speaker 2 No, but that’s essentially what you’re saying. It’s how you find out whether something is real, instead of accepting what they’re selling you.

21:50 Speaker 1 Absolutely.

21:51 Speaker 2 Anyway, during that time I developed skills people need today. I developed the ability to learn independently; I developed creative thinking without even knowing it. Sure, I thought I was stupid, but I developed so many things on my own that it doesn’t matter what I decide to learn. If I want to know something, I’ll learn it. And then suddenly I’m a graphic designer. I didn’t study... I took some course, learned to make petit fours, took a course, learned it and did it. Then I taught it.

22:26 Speaker 1 And you teach.

22:26 Speaker 2 Workshops. Yes, I teach petit four workshops. So I go and buy all the equipment, and what? It’s like I don’t have the sense to realize that...

22:36 Speaker 1 Hold on to that thought.

22:36 Speaker 2 No, wait. Think about whether that’s really what you do. And that’s how it went. In the end, I developed all kinds of skills on my own, and creativity had a very, very strong presence at home too. I’d organize all kinds of family events and productions.

22:52 Speaker 1 I want to pause for a moment on “I learned it and I taught it.” To this day, that’s very, very strong in you. You simply pass on everything you know.

23:01 Speaker 2 I know alef, I teach alef.

23:02 Speaker 1 At the speed of—

23:03 Speaker 2 The speed of light.

23:04 Speaker 1 The speed of light.

23:04 Speaker 2 Right. I know alef, I teach alef.

23:07 Speaker 1 It’s just incredible.

23:08 Speaker 2 Right.

23:08 Speaker 1 You have that ability to pass things on.

23:11 Speaker 2 But ultimately it’s a muscle. I mean, I didn’t know that then. Today I know how to explain it, and that makes it easier for me to pass it on too. So, coming back to your club: you came and said to me, “I have people...”

23:22 Speaker 1 “And I don’t know how to pass this on.”

23:23 Speaker 2 “I’ve got nothing.” But you have a model, because I know for certain that if something works for someone, there’s a model behind it and they can pass it on.

23:30 Speaker 1 You came to me with such confidence, and I said, “I can’t even explain to myself what I do, and...”

23:34 Speaker 2 Wow, it was incredible how, the moment we developed it into a model, some kind of method, a system, you suddenly began to see it too.

23:42 Speaker 1 And then it became incredible.

23:44 Speaker 2 And never mind that, as the club progresses—what Hakadosh Boruch Hu... In the end, like attracts like. You’re putting out content about leading by example, and Hakadosh Boruch Hu sends you...

23:56 Speaker 1 Oh, wow.

23:56 Speaker 2 But tests on a high level. I mean, tests on a high level.

24:00 Speaker 1 Two refrigerators breaking down on a Friday—that’s a test.

24:03 Speaker 2 Yes, with a house full of guests.

24:04 Speaker 1 Not to compare, of course.

24:06 Speaker 2 No, no, that’s not the point. It doesn’t have to be tragic, but He tests you—and “tests” isn’t even the right word. Really, to grow, you have to go through some kind of toughening-up.

24:17 Speaker 1 Right.

24:18 Speaker 2 And then you pass that on. It’s really incredible. Now, no, I’ll tell you: okay, if you weren’t running the club, would it not have happened to you on Friday? It probably would have.

24:27 Speaker 1 It would have passed.

24:28 Speaker 2 I mean, it would have passed, but the whole Friday probably would have been miserable, because you wouldn’t have had this in mind—that right now you’re... In the end, you have to put what you do into practice.

24:37 Speaker 1 Absolutely.

24:39 Speaker 2 With yourself. Not because you’re being fake or need to impress anyone, but for your own sake, in your work on your middos.

24:46 Speaker 1 Very much so.

24:47 Speaker 2 So, yes.

24:48 Speaker 1 And then comes the insight: “Make a crown out of your shortcoming.” Wow.

24:52 Speaker 2 How does that happen?

24:53 Speaker 1 Wow.

24:55 Speaker 2 Again, because when you’re connected, everything, everything, everything happens with such precision.

25:02 Speaker 1 Chani, let’s get back to you.

25:03 Speaker 2 Let’s get back to you. I’m so happy to get back to you.

25:06 Speaker 1 Step out of your comfort zone. Now I’m interviewing you.

25:09 Speaker 2 For me, sitting down and making a podcast—even as the interviewer—is stepping out of my comfort zone.

25:15 Speaker 1 Wow. How did I start doing this? How did it happen?

25:17 Speaker 2 So I’ll tell you. I was in a very creative place, and I went to work and worked for many years. I also couldn’t stay in one job, which makes a lot of sense for me today, but it was less acceptable twenty years ago.

25:33 Speaker 1 Because you want to move forward.

25:34 Speaker 2 I don’t know—it bores me. Once I’m somewhere, I give it my all, and when that’s done, I get bored and move on. Today everyone does that. Back then it was, “What do you mean? You need to stay with the Ministry of Education, you need seniority, you need this and that.” Fine, but I listened to myself. I was curious and attentive. But emotionally I was very much in survival mode—not playing the victim, but very much in survival mode, with a real sense of poverty around money. I didn’t know how to hold on to money. In that whole area, I didn’t have an abundance mindset. But over time I did start working on accepting and loving myself. Maybe that needs a podcast of its own, but it started with...

26:21 Speaker 1 How do you do that kind of work—loving yourself, accepting yourself?

26:24 Speaker 2 My children are my mentors. I once had a conversation when I was in a very, very low place with myself, for a long time. I’m telling you, it’s a cycle that feeds itself. One day I was sitting with my daughter, Mushi. She was seven, and I started asking her questions. I really loved being a mother. I mean, there was Chani. There were two Chanis: the messed-up Chani, whom nobody knows. Only I know her, and she really is messed up. And there’s the talented Chani, with gifts she received from Hakadosh Boruch Hu. So I was busy doing things. I was making an impact through the things I created, and I was in charge of the entire network’s nonformal educational programs. That was an incredible influence on thousands of children. I felt like half a Rabbi Akiva. Once I sent twelve thousand copies to print. It took my breath away. And then, okay. So one day I was sitting with my daughter and asked her: How much do you love our home? How much do you love school? How much do you love your siblings? How much do you love them, from one to ten? Everything was nine or ten, all good. Then I asked her, “And how much do you love yourself?” She said, “Two hundred.” I felt an arrow go straight into my heart. Wow, she loves herself two hundred. And I don’t want to say that her mother, at that moment, loved herself minus two hundred. That’s where I was.

27:48 Speaker 1 Wow.

27:49 Speaker 2 And then I said, “Okay, Chani, get a hold of yourself. First of all, thank Hashem that your daughter hasn’t been scarred by you so far, because children pick up on where their parents are emotionally. Thank Hashem. Do something now. Get a hold of yourself now, if you want to be in a good place so you don’t scar her.” You understand? I did it from this very lofty place: not for me, G-d forbid, but for my daughter. That’s why I say my children are my mentors. And I did the work. I started working on myself, including going to professionals. I can go to a professional for something specific, and then I start helping myself. Today I help myself through writing. I work through things with intuitive writing. Wow. Today I build bots for myself. Okay, this is... Let me give a tip. Let’s give two tips. Go ahead. Very simple. Go ahead. I’ll be listening to a podcast by a professional whose work really intrigues me. I love listening to things about personal growth. I listened to his podcast and said, “Okay, but how do I connect this to myself? How do I apply it to myself?” So you turn it into questions for yourself. I go to one of the AI language models and tell it: “Go research this. Do you know this person? Do an in-depth study of him. Deep research. Do an in-depth study and tell me what you know about him.” Okay? And then I always add, “Because I want to ask you something afterward.” I’m constantly steering the bot, managing it. That’s what people need to learn, by the way. Right. How to talk to it. Right. I mean,

29:24 Speaker 2 anyone can do it; it’s just a matter of how. I teach this. In a moment I’ll tell you how I went from being the “stupid one” to academia. But wait, how much time do we have left? Keep talking. Anyway, it does the research and gives me an in-depth document. It takes time, and everything comes from sources in its databases. Then I tell it, “Okay, now I want to create a bot that will essentially be my therapist. I’ll come to it, and it will work through things with me.” I always write, “I want to do this step by step. Ask me one question at a time, and based on my answer, move to the next question until you have a picture of me.” It’s like a professional asking you questions, and it becomes like going to a personal appointment. It starts to feel real... Listen, you’re hacking the system here. Right. Anything else? No, therapists listening to this are fainting right now. They’re not fainting, because I think this is where things are headed. Wow. This is where things are headed. Professionals will use it too. Even today, when people come to me for strategy, I’ve trained a bot that serves as my strategist. I put things into it during the meeting, and the results come out more professional and faster, and the person really comes into their own. I mean, there’s no... So you can actually save therapists time. Yes. Instead of, say, ten sessions. A therapist—a therapist who’s willing to think differently. Here’s how I think it will work: First, you have to understand that you have an assistant. Wait a second, let me finish telling you about the bot, and then how I work on myself. So I created the bot, and then

30:58 Speaker 2 I go to it for therapy. Sometimes I write first and then come to it, but I have to be very, very, very open and genuinely want to work on myself. Working on yourself isn’t just... Of course. It takes awareness. That’s ninety percent of your work. Right, it’s a lot of work. Absolutely. I say this in the club, too, to the women who come to me. I give them all the knowledge—and we said this too—and the bot and everything. But whoever wants to do the work will benefit from it. Completely. Of course. But I think awareness of personal growth and all of this has really, really taken hold. Right. And how did the podcast begin? It’s a tool, a platform I really believe in and love. I tell my mother, “Mom, you need to come on a podcast with me.” She says, “What’s a podcast? Where did that word come from? It’s a hesket.” Okay, so we’ll bring your mother onto the hesket. The hesket. Because eventually we’ll bring your mother and my mother onto live streams too. Wow. That could be very successful. No shortage of ideas here today. Anyway, I’m someone who doesn’t put herself out front. I do a great deal of creative work behind the scenes—productions and things that excite and move me and touch a lot of people. But my name might not even appear. That’s how far it goes, because... What does it do to you when your name isn’t listed? It’s another matter of working on my ego and understanding where I belong. And where I don’t belong—that’s part of the journey too, but... Because I know you’ve written a lot of books for famous people. So, yes, I’m mentioned there. Today, boruch Hashem, I’m in a place where I don’t need my name

32:36 Speaker 2 on things at all. But it depends on where it meets you and your ego. Anyway, I produced a film for someone, and afterward she said to me—her name is Chani Blau, a wonderful woman who does a great deal to promote family purity through Mikvah.org—she said, “My dream is to make a podcast.” I told her, “Okay, I can produce that for you.” So I sat down and worked out who would be right to interview people on this podcast. Once I’d figured out the kind of person we needed, I found three women who could do it. But it got very complicated: I would have to produce it, find an interviewer and arrange for the guest. She would bring me the guests, but the logistics became very complicated. It didn’t move forward. Then I said, “Wait, I know how to do this. I know how to ask questions. When I make films, I’m the one asking the questions from behind the camera and drawing out the answers.” So, fine. It was an audio-only podcast. I wouldn’t put my name on it, and my fear was... They would just hear your voice. I don’t know, my voice... And I jumped in. Wow. I simply enjoyed it. I met all kinds of women and interviewed them, and it was fascinating. Then I started getting feedback. Eventually I did put my name on it, because people were asking, “Who is that?” There was this mystery: who’s the woman behind the microphone? I made forty episodes there. Wow. I found it fascinating, and the feedback was about the questions: “What questions you ask! Where do you get those questions?” Again, where do I get them? I don’t know. I come with... And curiosity. Maybe it’s curiosity, and maybe it’s also that approach—I don’t want “stupid” to sound negative—but the positive kind of not knowing.

34:17 Speaker 2 I don’t come in saying, “I know.” I come in saying, “I don’t know, and you’re a professional, and I’d love to learn from you.” Wow. That’s a place that really, really connects with the audience listening. I’m not interviewing; I’m having a conversation. Okay, but look at that: your whole life was almost a kind of preparation for being, you know, “the dumb one.” Yes, of course. And that’s what makes you come across as so smart today. So that’s the thing: I can’t stand hearing the word “smart.” It’s not— No, Chani, Chani, it borders on genius, okay? Because you get to these layers of curiosity— I don’t want to say— You call it being dumb, but asking those questions takes a kind of genius. It could— So that’s the thing, because— But I think that’s the journey for some— That’s what keeps me grounded. It’s not that I’m in some diminished or negative place, but it keeps me in a place of “I’m not anything special.” I think that place can create the ground for receiving so much more. Right. If you’re in a place of receiving, you receive much more. Right. Because wow, the Playback Podcast is, I think, the most incredible thing Hakadosh Boruch Hu has given me. It’s incredible. So I made that podcast. After forty episodes, I felt I’d taken it as far as I could, because ultimately it wasn’t mine. I don’t know, something like that. But while I was doing it, I met Chaya Sofer. Oh, I remember that. Chaya Sofer—I even interviewed you about it on the radio. Right, Chaya Sofer a”h. An amazing, dear woman. I miss her so much. And just—

35:54 Speaker 2 Two years ago, I went to see her. But wait: she approached me and said, “I have a lot of insights, and I want to leave those insights for my daughters.” How moving. She knew she was at the end of her life. She was terminally ill. She was sick, with her feet already [unclear]. But she was the most alive person, the most alive person there is. Then they came to Israel, and I said to her, “Come on, I have podcast equipment. Let’s make a podcast.” We recorded three episodes, and I thought, wow. She didn’t want to publish them, either. She said, “Publish them later; do whatever you want.” It was the eve of Tisha B’Av, and we were recording. I came away really shaken, because on one hand you’re sitting across from someone who is so alive, and who can also see the opposite of life. And I was saying to myself, “Who says I’ll be alive tomorrow?” Suddenly, life looked different to me. So I told her, “Listen, I don’t know what you want or don’t want, but tomorrow I’m publishing the first episode. Please.” I really asked her. You can find the podcast on YouTube—“The Story of My Life,” Chaya Sofer’s podcast. Yes, it’s worth listening to. So it was published, and she got feedback, and I’m so glad she got that feedback while she was alive. I don’t know, yes. Wow, what a step... And that’s what she left in this world: incredible, beautiful insights from a rare person. And I also— From there, we developed a relationship. We became very, very close friends, and I kept asking myself, “Are you okay? Do you know what you’re doing to yourself? You’re becoming close to someone who’s going to—” And I

37:35 Speaker 2 was always aware that this relationship was worth it to me. Because, because later—because it was right for my life. She was undergoing treatment in New York. New York, right. I hadn’t flown for a year and a half. I just hadn’t flown. And then one day—I no longer knew how she was doing, because I was only in touch with her directly, and since Pesach she hadn’t been doing well. By the way, when I flew over, I think a week after you came back, she was no longer receiving visitors. Right, right. I wanted to visit her, and they told me she was already—she could no longer communicate. Yes. So you were there just in time. I was there just in time. Listen, it was a hug from Hakadosh Boruch Hu. I didn’t know how she was doing, and I didn’t want to bother the family. Then one day I posted a picture of myself, which I don’t often do, and she commented, “You look gorgeous!” and things like that. I told her, “Who I am is thanks to you,” because through my relationship with her I’d been on a journey. I had someone I could talk to and be myself with. It was a very, very special relationship. And that same day I’d said, “Oh, I miss Chaya so much. I want to go see her.” It was Friday, a week before Lag BaOmer, and I said that to my husband. Then she replied to my status, and I said to her, “Listen, I said exactly that today. I want to come see you for a few minutes. A hug from you is enough for me, and that’s it. I don’t want to disturb you. I don’t know how you’re doing.” She said, “Of course, come. It’ll be lovely.” She

39:08 Speaker 2 even arranged an apartment for me at her sister-in-law’s and organized an event for me. Wow. I had no idea how it would work. We weren’t doing well financially at the time, and we were about to move. That Friday, at candle-lighting, I prayed to Hakadosh Boruch Hu. I said, “Thank You for arranging a flight for me. I’m going to see Chaya Sofer, and there’s the parade too.” The big Lag BaOmer parade. Wow. I went. Hashem arranged it. I said thank you, and He arranged it, as He does when you ask and give thanks in advance. I got on the plane and went to her, and we recorded podcasts and talked—it was incredible, incredible. I’d come for one hug, and then I thought she didn’t want me to come back. So I said to her, “Listen, there’s no pressure. I’m here for a week, but I came for a hug. You don’t have to invite me over again. It’s all fine; I’ve done what I came to do. Tell me if you want me to come.” Once I took away the pressure of having someone come from abroad to see her, I spent hours and hours there, and we talked and recorded. When we said goodbye, we said we weren’t parting; each of us was continuing on her journey. Wow. And I go to visit her. Yes? I go to visit her often, because she has such a strong place in my heart, and I credit her with who I am today. Because what happened— Okay, so I made a podcast with her. Then I came back from seeing her feeling very, very broken. I was deeply shaken, because something in me had been unsettled. I’d really worked on my bitachon in Hashem, and I live with bitachon, but suddenly I was seeing someone who was so close to death and yet so much more alive than I was. Something got confused for me in all of this—in emunah and bitachon in Hashem.

40:50 Speaker 2 At the time, I was learning Tanya with Batsheva Dargan, so I asked if we could meet. We met, and she helped me a great deal. I felt that she really helped me find my footing again. Then I saw it and said, “Wow, there’s such a great light here. Let’s bring it out into the open.” That’s how Gym for Peace of Mind was born, along with another podcast of seventy episodes. Incredible. And there, too, I eventually came to understand that my shlichus is to help someone set something up, not to stay there all the time. So I left, and there you go: Hakadosh Boruch Hu arranged my meeting with you. I mean, with a podcast, I could sit with people every single day and talk with them. And that’s how Playback Podcast was born. It’s incredible, a G-dly creation. We just did the pilot, and—oh my goodness. Really, what is Playback Podcast? When I arrive at an event, I have the names of all the women. I come knowing that every woman is an inspiration. Every one of them has something to give the world. She doesn’t always know it, because only the prominent ones have made it to that point. I’m sure everyone listening to us is saying to herself, “Oh, invite me!” Huh? So look at this G-dly creation. I arrive with zero preparation, zero knowledge, nothing—just curiosity and the clear knowledge that every woman is an inspiration. Then we hold a raffle, and a name comes up on the screen. I have it all ready beforehand. A woman comes up. Seven minutes of podcast. When the seven minutes are over, we hold another raffle. We do that with five to seven women. And here’s what it does: first, every woman who leaves an event like that knows that if her name had come up in the raffle, she would have had something to share. That alone is uplifting. And suddenly we discover all kinds of things about women. I also

42:24 Speaker 2 I’m thinking about the people who sat here and didn’t know each other. What stories. What things. Well, you’ll hear about it—spoiler for the coming episodes. It’s just spine-tingling, and it brings people together. We’re going to split it into a few episodes. I don’t know how many, because it’s just… And that’s it. I wonder if we kept to our time limit. Probably not, because we didn’t have—right? Oh, no. We didn’t. Oh, wow. But that’s okay; it’ll be interesting. Yes. For a podcast like this. It’s not a podcast I record, but it’s… it’s that kind of product. The whole story with artificial intelligence—and then I arrived at clarity about my shlichus. Wait, let me tell you about my personal Geulah. When I became self-employed, I was doing so many things, and the world today says, “Be focused. You need something that sets you apart so people won’t get confused, and then they’ll come to you.” And then you come along and confuse everybody all day. People said to me, “Wait, so Chani is an author, she creates things with artificial intelligence, she runs courses, she teaches, she brings people into a group and then they get all kinds of her content. No, actually, you pay once, a one-time payment, and then you get more. So wait, do you get it now, or is it a one-time thing? Is the course in person or on Zoom, Zoom-style, or what? Are you—” So what am I supposed to say? Yes. Then one day I—“Focus.” Right, focus. Then one day I sat down, and since I was reaching so many different people, I’d called my business “Initiating Success for You.” Yes, a strategy where I help people initiate their own—Now try explaining what “Initiating Success for You” means, right? Initiating for you? Oh, success for you. Okay. Then one day I sat down and said, “I

43:57 Speaker 2 still haven’t started doing what I want to do when I grow up.” Now? Right now. Hang on. When I tell you what I want to do when I grow up, you’ll join me. I want to change the education system. Wow! But I’m also doing this and this and this and this—the education system, in my opinion, needs, like, a rebuild. Yes. Do you know what the problem with the education system is? What? It’s missing two things: a system and education. Exactly. But—that’s my dream, what I want to do, and I’m not doing it yet, and that’s okay. Wow. And I’m doing this and this and this and this, and that’s okay too. Beautiful. The moment I wrote—and I wrote that down—the moment it was there, I felt I was in Geulah, a personal Geulah. So, yes, the sea of possibilities Hakadosh Boruch Hu gives you is something extraordinary. And then I came to the realization that my shlichus is to bring people’s light into the light. At the speed of light. With artificial intelligence, it happens at the speed of light. Because I realized that this is what I do with people, and at the same time, Hakadosh Boruch Hu brought artificial intelligence into the world. And artificial intelligence—people are afraid of it, Chani. So we could do an episode about that, or did we already? I don’t remember. No. We could do a whole episode about my perspective, right? How I see it. I see Hakadosh Boruch Hu. I simply see Hakadosh Boruch Hu every day, every day, but—and this is also the days of Moshiach. These really are the days of Geulah. But when artificial intelligence came along, I took all the skills I’d developed as the “stupid” girl who couldn’t succeed in school—and those are exactly the skills needed today. And because I have those skills, I can learn something in an instant and pass it on to people in an instant.

45:40 Speaker 2 And today I can teach people those skills, and they can go and do it themselves. Who have been your most interesting, most surprising clients? What do you mean, clients? There are… I mean people who come to learn from you. So they’re students. Today, actually… Students. Do you realize that today I’ve become… The teacher. I’m a teacher. Last year I gave a series of sessions—where? At Beis Rivkah High School, for the entire teaching staff. The… it was incredible. But that’s how things work for me with Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Now I’ll tell you about my partnership with Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Oh. And I think we’ll finish, because I think we’ve been here a long time already. Um, I feel like I’m talking far too much about myself. It doesn’t—it doesn’t feel right to me. Chani, stay in that place of… Yes. Okay. For years, as I told you, when I didn’t have an abundance mindset and was very much in survival mode, I was a very controlling person. I knew that—there was that distinction between Chani the… Good thing I met you afterward, because you’re so not controlling. No, wait. There was a lot, a lot of control there, and I knew what needed to be done and how it needed to be done. Lots and lots of exclamation marks. I was a person whose whole life was exclamation marks. Wow. “I can’t stick with anything, and I can’t do this, and I’m all or nothing, and I’m like this…” Exclamation marks in the negative. I mean, an exclamation mark doesn’t generally seem like a positive thing to me. It could be: “I’m amazing! I’m good! I make room for others!” Or maybe not. I… Yes, but then it’s less of an exclamation mark.

47:17 Speaker 2 I think that’s more about putting, um, beliefs on yourself that… I don’t know, never mind. Anyway, I was very, very, very much in a place of needing control, and I wanted to let go—to “cast your burden upon Hashem,” to cast it away. But when you’re a controlling person, you try to control the letting go, too, so you can’t even let go. Wow. Okay, I went through a very, very, very big journey with that. And as a result of that letting go, Libi was born, too. There was something very, very special there. By the way, do you remember our conversation about… my friend? On the way to visit Chaya? Yes, but I think… I, uh, yes, yes, yes. It was when Brini[?] was a baby. And I said to you, “So…” Right, she said to me, “What does she want? What does she want?” I said to her… There was a lot in that conversation; it had a big impact. Wow, how incredible. Yes. Again, coming from that place of… And we were on the way to visit Chaya. Right. Look at that—what a full circle moment. What a full circle moment. That was before Chol Hamoed. It was on Chol Hamoed, at Simchas Beis Hashoeivah. I run into you at Simchas Beis Hashoeivah and say, “Come on, Chani, time for more children.” Yes. You look at me like, “Where did that come from?” But I was in the middle of that journey of letting go, of surrendering, and the workout for peace of mind, and all of life and that whole place. Once we had a Zoom call where Bas Sheva shared something about a partnership with Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Oh yes, that’s what we want. A partnership with Hakadosh Boruch Hu. What does that mean? It means you say what you’re giving and what you’re asking of Hakadosh Boruch Hu, but you have to give something of yourself that goes beyond what’s easy for you.

48:54 Speaker 2 To stretch some muscle in yourself. And of course, not to stand there with a stopwatch on Hakadosh Boruch Hu. After that Zoom, I took it to the next level. I sat down and wrote a contract with AI, turned it into a professional lawyer, and simply wrote a contract listing everything I give to Hakadosh Boruch Hu—my giving, my work, my things—and that it’s all His. That connected very deeply with the idea of being a conduit. And I couldn’t daven. I couldn’t. Part of my wake-up call was that I didn’t know how to daven at all. I talk to Hakadosh Boruch Hu all day, but I can’t hold a siddur in my hand. So I resolved to daven every day. Wow. And that was... The most amazing part of the contract I put together was—I even have a bot we can share. A bot that helps you make that partnership agreement with Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Oh, I want it. Incredible. My birthday is in Elul, so it was right before Rosh Hashanah. I wrote it all down, actually drew up the contract, and the abundance Hakadosh Boruch Hu gives you—if you’re not watching the clock, and He doesn’t owe me anything. I mean, even [unclear], You give me everything I need. I lack nothing; I’m not owed anything. I’m giving and doing. And over the past year, I expanded the contract and gave much more of myself. I also brought a lot more being into my life, making room to see myself. And everything I’m giving up now is part of the contract and part of the... Be specific about what you’re giving up, so people don’t get the wrong idea. Sugar and flour. Good. That’s a serious thing to give up. It’s one of the hardest things to give up in life. I never believed I could

50:39 Speaker 2 manage it, or go to sleep without my phone and be without my phone. I mean, giving myself time. I was someone who was very much all about doing, and I brought being into my life. And at the beginning of the year, I said, one of the things I’m adding is a monthly drawing for a free strategy session with me. Wow. And helping bring that light out into the open. By the way, once I got clearer about “bringing light out into the open,” suddenly people—these are the days of Moshiach; every light wants to come out into the open. So it became more precise, and people really know better when to come to me. I’m also more connected and better known, so that helps too. I held the drawing on Motzaei Shabbos Bereishis. And I said that every Shabbos Mevarchim, on Motzaei Shabbos Mevarchim, I’d hold a drawing for a strategy session. Again, I’m giving a gift. I have no idea how Hakadosh Boruch Hu is going to bring me His abundance. One thing I do know is how small I am compared with His creativity and His ideas. That’s incredible. Listen to this: I held the drawing. My husband and I had this little argument, and he said, “What, fifteen women will sign up for your drawing?” I was almost offended. I said, “What, seventy women?” Three hundred and fifty signed up that very evening. Wow. Eventually it went over a thousand. First of all, I came away from that with tremendous gratitude to Hashem: wow, women want my help. But not for a moment did I turn it into “people want to meet with me” and let it feed my ego. One friend wrote to me, “Do you feel like the queen of the class?”—with all these people wanting to come. No. I know I’m a conduit that can help, and people so badly want to bring their light out into the open. But I said, even if they all wanted to come to me, I can’t

52:19 Speaker 2 see everyone. Hakadosh Boruch Hu, give me an idea. And then He gave me the idea to make a bot called “Coming Into the Light,” where I put my entire method. And I give a workshop where I teach people how to use it. The workshop is free. I show how I work with the bots and how to use them.

52:37 Speaker 3 And anyone can do it for themselves.

52:38 Speaker 2 Women sit down and bring their own light out into the open with the bot’s help.

52:42 Speaker 3 They’re already getting as far as making flyers.

52:44 Speaker 2 This past week there was an update, so I updated the bot and added a companion bot called the “Bringing Light Out Into the Open Graphic Designer.” The results—it’s incredible. I believe that every woman bringing her light out into the open is a personal Geulah. And then another, and another.

52:58 Speaker 3 Chani, can I steal something from you?

53:00 Speaker 2 With pleasure. Nothing I have is mine, so you can.

53:01 Speaker 3 Oh, okay. This partnership idea really spoke to me.

53:04 Speaker 2 Go ahead.

53:05 Speaker 3 Maybe we’ll do it in the club too?

53:07 Speaker 2 Do it.

53:08 Speaker 3 So many women want to join the club but can’t for all kinds of reasons. Maybe we’ll hold a drawing too?

53:15 Speaker 2 Do it. Shabbos Mevarchim is lovely. This Shabbos is Shabbos Mevarchim.

53:18 Speaker 3 Oh, right.

53:19 Speaker 2 We’ll do a drawing. A sign-up form. By the way, your members really love drawings.

53:24 Speaker 3 Yes.

53:25 Speaker 2 I did a drawing for the book.

53:26 Speaker 3 For the book, right? Did people sign up?

53:28 Speaker 2 Nearly four hundred women signed up.

53:29 Speaker 3 Wow, that’s wonderful.

53:31 Speaker 2 I love drawings.

53:33 Speaker 3 I never used to win drawings, so I...

53:35 Speaker 2 Okay.

53:36 Speaker 3 That’s a bit of a thing for me.

53:37 Speaker 2 No, but the point, again, is that you’re giving. You need to give regardless of whether you know what will come back to you. And look at the abundance. And then...

53:47 Speaker 3 Oh, for me personally, giving—you know, I do volunteer work and all that, but here it’s really something that...

53:52 Speaker 2 Women need.

53:53 Speaker 3 It’s a baby I created, and something that’s...

53:56 Speaker 2 No, now, with faith and with an understanding that when a woman signs up for the club to grow and receive from the abundance you offer there, she needs to make a vessel. She needs to pay. But when you do this, it’s your partnership with Hakadosh Boruch Hu; it has nothing to do with her. So she received a gift from Hakadosh Boruch Hu.

54:14 Speaker 3 Wow, wow.

54:14 Speaker 2 That’s what you need to keep in mind.

54:16 Speaker 3 Right? Beautiful.

54:17 Speaker 2 That’s it, that’s it.

54:18 Speaker 3 Beautiful.

54:18 Speaker 2 Every Shabbos—Shabbos Mevarchim.

54:19 Speaker 3 Because some women wanted to buy it as a gift, say, for their mother-in-law or sister-in-law. I wouldn’t agree.

54:25 Speaker 2 Why not? Because, again, she needs to do the work.

54:27 Speaker 3 Because she needs to do the work. It doesn’t help to buy someone something that’s meant to change the way she thinks.

54:31 Speaker 2 First of all, don’t interfere. Don’t get involved in that. Because, because...

54:34 Speaker 3 Unless she wants it and knows about it. Then no problem, pay for her. But as a surprise? Imagine a mother-in-law buying this for her daughter-in-law. What kind of message does that send? “Hey, you’re not... Here, go improve yourself with Michal Levitin.” No. You understand?

54:45 Speaker 2 Okay, fine, but here too...

54:46 Speaker 3 Unless she wants it.

54:47 Speaker 2 Here too, I’d suggest you let go of that. I mean...

54:50 Speaker 3 Yeah?

54:50 Speaker 2 Yes, yes. Hakadosh Boruch Hu has so many ways to channel and give abundance. And honestly, what I’m grateful for today, where I’m at...

55:04 Speaker 3 Wait, that’s not what I was looking for. One second. Oh.

55:12 Speaker 2 How are you doing this year?

55:14 Speaker 3 I don’t know. Sharp, sharp.

55:22 Speaker 2 Okay, are we done with the episode?

55:23 Speaker 3 Yes. Oh, okay, here it is.

55:27 Speaker 2 Your voice went back to... That doesn’t sound good.

55:29 Speaker 3 No. Why did it change only on my end? There, that’s it. But why only on my end? Oh, yes.

55:36 Speaker 2 What I’m saying is, Hakadosh Boruch Hu has abundance. And when we’re connected as a conduit and doing our own work—this is really a continuation of the conduit model we talked about; go back to that episode—we need to work on our conduit so it’s wide and sound, so Hakadosh Boruch Hu’s abundance can keep flowing. Because the moment I bring ego or perfectionism into it, the moment I decide how it has to happen, I get stuck, and the abundance really does get stuck. Boruch Hashem, Boruch Hashem. What I’m grateful to Hakadosh Boruch Hu for is that today I live with the knowledge that nothing is mine. Every day He chooses to channel things through me, and I’m incredibly grateful.

56:14 Speaker 3 I agree with you, and I think we—

56:16 Speaker 2 And He channels it, and...

56:17 Speaker 3 Feel it and see it in our work—

56:19 Speaker 2 And that’s what happens in the club too.

56:20 Speaker 3 Incredible.

56:21 Speaker 2 I mean, we—and we’re also always saying, “Hakadosh Boruch Hu.”

56:23 Speaker 3 Right.

56:24 Speaker 2 Nothing is ours. Yes, He chooses to channel things through us. You know where I have more of a privilege than you?

56:30 Speaker 3 Where?

56:31 Speaker 2 Because today I’m in a place where He channels things through me, and I connect to your conduit. I don’t need to be a public figure or be out front in any way. That’s less me. How wonderful that it can pass through you, Levitin, and through this.

56:45 Speaker 3 Why did I develop this thing if not to—

56:49 Speaker 2 Exactly. It’s about connecting the conduits, and everything, everything is from Hakadosh Boruch Hu. May it continue. And I’m curious, because today, with artificial intelligence, the ability to make an impact is incredible. Think about it: next week I’m starting an academy course for people who finished a round of—

57:04 Speaker 3 Who is it for?

57:06 Speaker 2 People who finished the first course are already earning money. My goal was this: I don’t enjoy doing AI projects as much as I enjoy teaching. Let me have students. When people ask me to do projects, I can say, “Here, go to my students.” Do you know how happy I am to send you the website today? I made a website for the graduates. Do you know how happy I am to send people there? Here you go. I have graduates doing amazing work.

57:25 Speaker 3 Wow, wow, wow.

57:25 Speaker 2 And what kind of work are they doing? It’s not that I taught them tools. I taught them skills. So now, when I’m not there with them, they know how to teach themselves, they know how to develop their creative thinking, they know how to do it all.

57:37 Speaker 3 Excellent.

57:38 Speaker 2 That’s Geulah.

57:39 Speaker 3 Excellent, excellent.

57:40 Speaker 2 And when students are already speaking in terms of bringing light into the world, what could be better?

57:43 Speaker 3 Wow, that’s incredible. Incredible.

57:46 Speaker 2 I’m blown away by this episode.

57:48 Speaker 3 Me too.

57:48 Speaker 2 I don’t know what else we can do, but—

57:51 Speaker 3 We need to—

57:52 Speaker 2 But it’s always a pleasure talking with you.

57:54 Speaker 3 Chani Marzel, you’ve brought us from darkness into light.

57:59 Speaker 2 You can say that again.

58:00 Speaker 3 Really, I hope so. All that’s left for us, truly, is to pray—

58:05 Speaker 2 To be grateful.

58:06 Speaker 3 And to be grateful, and to partner with Hashem.

58:09 Speaker 2 Partner, partner. So wait, are you doing a giveaway now?

58:12 Speaker 3 Yes, yes. Chani, help me with this.

58:13 Speaker 2 We’ll help.

58:14 Speaker 3 But come on, what’s the prize? Let’s do...

58:18 Speaker 2 A membership, a yearly membership.

58:20 Speaker 3 Wow.

58:21 Speaker 2 A yearly membership to the club. Yes.

58:23 Speaker 3 Wow.

58:24 Speaker 2 You’re not limiting yourself, you’re not limiting yourself. You’ll see that Hakadosh Boruch Hu will give you—because... that’s not the right word. I’m not promising you anything. Hakadosh Boruch Hu will give you abundance, because Hakadosh Boruch Hu gives abundance, but your capacity to receive it will grow.

58:35 Speaker 3 Let’s do it.

58:35 Speaker 2 That’s the story.

58:37 Speaker 3 A yearly membership. Wow, who’s going to win? How exciting! Chani Marzel, thank you so much.

58:45 Speaker 2 Thank you. I hope... I hope it went okay.

58:48 Speaker 3 What? It was fascinating.

58:51 Speaker 2 Really?

58:51 Speaker 3 Yes. Yes, and that’s it. People should sign up for the course if they want to be ready for the future...

58:58 Speaker 2 This summer, I want to do something for teens, for teenage girls.

59:01 Speaker 3 Wow.

59:01 Speaker 2 Yes, so they’ll have something. These really are skills. By the way, I’m starting to fulfill my dream of working with the education system, because I’m already working with the Center for Educational Technology.

59:11 Speaker 3 You’re doing it through the back door.

59:12 Speaker 2 Hakadosh Boruch Hu is bringing it to me through the back door, the front door—however He chooses.

59:17 Speaker 3 Incredible.

59:18 Speaker 2 We’ll do things together with the new education system.

59:22 Speaker 3 With Hashem’s help. I’m counting on you.