Somachat Alayich - Episode 02 - Michal's Dream

00:00 Speaker 1 How are you, Michal?

00:01 Speaker 2 Oh, praise the Creator.

00:03 Speaker 1 So—

00:03 Speaker 2 Thank Hashem.

00:04 Speaker 1 Right.

00:05 Speaker 2 Yes, it’s not something to take for granted: to sit down, turn on a microphone, speak calmly, and tell people that Geulah is at the door, that it’s here, that it’s real, that you can live differently—

00:14 Speaker 1 That you can even—on the contrary, that you can speak in the language of Geulah.

00:18 Speaker 2 Yes.

00:18 Speaker 1 Because twenty years ago, you couldn’t do that.

00:21 Speaker 2 Right. Absolutely. And everyone wants it—

00:23 Speaker 1 Look, even we—let’s say we’re Chabad chassidim, we live with Geulah, dream of Geulah, all of it, and the Rebbe spoke about it, and Geulah is here, just open your eyes—even we didn’t understand it.

00:33 Speaker 2 Right.

00:33 Speaker 1 Come on.

00:34 Speaker 2 Today I think that, with Hashem’s help—

00:35 Speaker 1 Today we see it.

00:36 Speaker 2 Yes.

00:36 Speaker 1 Today we really, really see it.

00:38 Speaker 2 Absolutely.

00:39 Speaker 1 And...

00:41 Speaker 2 And it’s wonderful to be part of it.

00:42 Speaker 1 How was the first episode for you?

00:43 Speaker 2 Oh, wow, it really made me—

00:47 Speaker 1 I kind of took you back.

00:50 Speaker 2 Yes.

00:50 Speaker 1 We saw it wasn’t so easy, but you got through it.

00:53 Speaker 2 It’s not easy. It’s not easy at all. Chani, what you’re doing to me here—you’re taking me apart, I—

00:56 Speaker 1 No, G-d forbid. But why? Because coming and looking at it—where does it touch you?

01:04 Speaker 2 It touches a lot of places where I had to be very, very brave, very strong, very...

01:17 Speaker 1 So you’re going back there, to places you’d rather not revisit. But we do understand that going back—

01:23 Speaker 2 No, I understand that, and I think in a way it’s good for me too, so I can come from a place of, “Wow, yes, I did the work.” I think I deserve that recognition.

01:33 Speaker 1 Right.

01:33 Speaker 2 That recognition.

01:34 Speaker 1 No, really, you went through a journey—

01:35 Speaker 2 And so people will understand too that, yes, I have a gift, I was given a gift, but learning how to use it was a process.

01:45 Speaker 1 Right. You know, there’s the gift, and then you have to open it, peel off the tape here and the tape there, take it out—and use it—

01:55 Speaker 2 Right.

01:56 Speaker 1 It’s a process and a journey. And ultimately, you went through that journey over... You know, one day someone asked me somewhere, “When did you become successful?” Okay, first let’s define success. So I told her, “I’ve been on this journey for forty-two years, and I still haven’t figured out what success is.” So—

02:17 Speaker 2 Wow.

02:17 Speaker 1 Ultimately, you’re on a journey. But if we’re talking about the stand-up, your public work, and everything you do—your shlichus—you went through a process here. Now, why is it good to understand that process, even for yourself? Because when you understand it, you can better understand the women joining your club, who are going to go through a process too. Instead of just saying, “Okay, it’ll take you time,” you can understand, “Wow, I went through a process too.”

02:48 Speaker 2 Right.

02:48 Speaker 1 You never really stopped to look at it. And now Hakadosh Boruch Hu has given you a gift.

02:53 Speaker 2 Yes.

02:54 Speaker 1 Your audience, saying to you, “Come teach us.” Look how it started: “I don’t have anything to teach. Do I have anything to teach?”

03:00 Speaker 2 Right.

03:01 Speaker 1 Come on, what you see is what you get.

03:02 Speaker 2 Do you know how many schools offered me the chance to teach stand-up? Just stand-up—forget the mothers’ club for now. “Come teach stand-up.”

03:10 Speaker 1 Okay.

03:11 Speaker 2 And I refused, because I said I had nothing to teach.

03:13 Speaker 1 Right, because I never studied it.

03:14 Speaker 2 I never studied it. I have nothing to teach. It’s a gift from Hashem. I don’t even know how you teach it. I—

03:19 Speaker 1 And in the end? You learned in the school of your own life.

03:21 Speaker 2 Yes, completely, completely.

03:23 Speaker 1 Wow.

03:24 Speaker 2 It really is wow. I’m trying to think now, where was most of my training? Where was it...? It taught me so much—

03:38 Speaker 1 You simply rely very, very much on Hashem.

03:43 Speaker 2 Very much. Right.

03:43 Speaker 1 Meaning, it’s not that I went off to study because I had to. I came with the humility of not even knowing how to learn.

03:52 Speaker 2 Right.

03:53 Speaker 1 With that humility and that experience, whether it was good or not so good. That’s where I was.

03:57 Speaker 2 Right.

03:58 Speaker 1 And I received a gift, and I use it. But now we’re going back over it to understand: if I want to make a journey, there’s a process here. There’s this muscle, and I need to understand how I train it in the end.

04:14 Speaker 2 Right. I think the greatest learning I did was learning to read people along the way.

04:22 Speaker 1 What do you mean? Explain.

04:23 Speaker 2 To me, every person, no matter their status, is someone I can learn from.

04:29 Speaker 1 Wow.

04:29 Speaker 2 And the lower their socioeconomic standing, the more I feel I can learn from them.

04:38 Speaker 1 You’re saying beautiful things. I want you to explain them more.

04:41 Speaker 2 I mean, I—

04:42 Speaker 1 Or give me examples through the characters.

04:44 Speaker 2 To me, my guides were people like the Moroccan neighbor who, on the face of it, didn’t have a job and was angry all day. She showed me life.

05:00 Speaker 1 But you weren’t aware that you were learning from her. You know that today.

05:04 Speaker 2 On a practical level, I learned the language from her.

05:06 Speaker 1 Through imitation.

05:07 Speaker 2 Through imitation. But it was also very important to me to understand what her life was like. I wanted to know what was going through her head.

05:20 Speaker 1 But again, none of this was conscious.

05:22 Speaker 2 Not conscious.

05:23 Speaker 1 Amazing. Okay, so there’s something... It’s your curiosity.

05:27 Speaker 2 To get into character, I want to understand her life: what bothers her, what makes her happy, what she likes. So I study the characters, both to be good onstage and to gain wisdom about life. Sort of—

05:51 Speaker 1 So with every person you meet, you learn something from them.

05:54 Speaker 2 Yes, because when I bring a character to the stage, I also really like her to leave the audience with some kind of message, some life wisdom.

06:01 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

06:02 Speaker 2 So if I’m bringing characters who are ordinary people, there’s something to learn from each one.

06:08 Speaker 1 Yes.

06:09 Speaker 2 To me, they’re my guides—the characters I’m meant to portray onstage.

06:15 Speaker 1 And then you took these people and developed them into characters.

06:19 Speaker 2 Yes.

06:20 Speaker 1 So today, when I sit with you and we talk, I might say, “Okay, even if we only need this for a video in the club or something”—that character has a whole life.

06:31 Speaker 2 A life.

06:32 Speaker 1 A life.

06:33 Speaker 2 Completely.

06:33 Speaker 1 And you know who her children are, and you know—really—

06:36 Speaker 2 Yes. What bothers her, what makes her happy, what makes her happy.

06:37 Speaker 1 It’s like you split yourself into all these people. You really... It’s—

06:40 Speaker 2 Yes.

06:41 Speaker 1 And you enter the character, and you are her.

06:44 Speaker 2 Yes.

06:45 Speaker 1 And then we have to cut and go back to Michal for a moment.

06:47 Speaker 2 Completely, completely.

06:47 Speaker 1 How do you do that?

06:50 Speaker 2 Wow. I think what really taught me acting was what happened with my father back then, when I had to make those cuts. I was constantly stepping into the role of the funny one, then coming home and crying, because it was really, really hard for me. I mean—

07:10 Speaker 1 Both your encounters with your father and your own personal experiences.

07:12 Speaker 2 And my own personal experiences.

07:13 Speaker 1 And the challenges.

07:14 Speaker 2 And the challenges. So I lived with those cuts all the time. I behaved one way with my grandparents—we grew up with our grandparents when we lived in Kfar Chabad—and I had to play a different sort of role there. I was a little different with my parents, different with my older sisters, different with my younger siblings, and different with my teacher.

07:34 Speaker 1 And when did you get to meet yourself?

07:37 Speaker 2 I don’t remember that ever happening. Maybe it’s happening now. I know how to give myself room to understand, but to really meet myself? I don’t know what that is.

07:51 Speaker 1 Wow.

07:51 Speaker 2 Because I’m... because I’m a lot of things.

07:53 Speaker 1 Wow.

07:54 Speaker 2 You think so?

07:55 Speaker 1 Yes, huh? It’s... I mean, ultimately, if I understand you correctly, there’s some Michal in every character you enter.

08:03 Speaker 2 Yes.

08:03 Speaker 1 Because Michal created that character. But in the end, you also spend most of the day playing a role.

08:11 Speaker 2 Right.

08:12 Speaker 1 You... and you’re not serious either.

08:14 Speaker 2 Even when I’m onstage, it’s not exactly acting, because I bring myself there too.

08:18 Speaker 1 Into the characters—

08:18 Speaker 2 In the end, yes. Even when I’m playing characters.

08:20 Speaker 1 No, that’s what we said: Michal is in the characters too.

08:22 Speaker 2 Right.

08:22 Speaker 1 But I want to understand Michal herself for a moment. Let’s tell people: when I sat down with you to work on a show—and a lot of interesting things grew out of that—I told you, “Enough with the characters. Come on, be Michal already.”

08:35 Speaker 2 Right.

08:35 Speaker 1 Remember? And look how Hakadosh Boruch Hu brought it about that you’d be Michal, not a stand-up comedian at all.

08:40 Speaker 2 Beautiful.

08:40 Speaker 1 You’ll be Michal, the stand-up comedian mom, with a community that trusts you. Just sitting back and watching how Hakadosh Boruch Hu makes it all unfold—it’s wild.

08:49 Speaker 2 Yes, absolutely. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted so much to meet just me.

08:54 Speaker 1 Are you afraid?

08:55 Speaker 2 Um, a little, maybe.

08:57 Speaker 1 Because?

08:59 Speaker 2 Because, um, I really am going through some very, very big things. I mean, think about it: if I’m influencing so many people—

09:09 Speaker 1 Right.

09:10 Speaker 2 Then the scale of the—

09:11 Speaker 1 That channel for—

09:12 Speaker 2 The channel, and the feedback, for better and for worse. Okay?

09:17 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

09:17 Speaker 2 It’s huge. It’s on a very, very large scale. And I tell myself, okay, it passes through me, so—

09:23 Speaker 1 You have no idea how—

09:24 Speaker 2 No.

09:25 Speaker 1 How many souls you’ve touched.

09:27 Speaker 2 No. It’s...

09:27 Speaker 1 Like, a million. You’ve passed a million.

09:31 Speaker 2 Totally.

09:31 Speaker 1 A lot. Millions, surely.

09:33 Speaker 2 Millions. Millions. Yes.

09:34 Speaker 1 Wow!

09:35 Speaker 2 Yes.

09:36 Speaker 1 Wow.

09:36 Speaker 2 It’s not on a scale you can count.

09:38 Speaker 1 It’s not even on a scale you can take in and breathe through.

09:41 Speaker 2 Right.

09:42 Speaker 1 Okay, so is there fear?

09:44 Speaker 2 There’s no fear, but I don’t even want to open that up and—why? I mean, what would I get out of it? What am I looking for?

09:52 Speaker 1 Why? To grow? To be more in tune with yourself? To give more? I don’t know.

09:59 Speaker 2 Again, I do change and evolve, and I do make improvements, based on what passes through me, if it’s relevant. Okay? If they’re relevant refinements, I really like to grow. But to start thinking now about who Michal Levitin is, what she does, what influence she has, what it gives, what it means—why do I need that? I mean, as long as I—

10:23 Speaker 1 You’re saying it isn’t yours, really—

10:25 Speaker 2 It isn’t mine.

10:25 Speaker 1 The successes aren’t mine, and the failures aren’t mine.

10:27 Speaker 2 Right. I’m sort of—

10:29 Speaker 1 Because I’m a channel.

10:29 Speaker 2 Yes.

10:30 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

10:31 Speaker 2 A working one.

10:32 Speaker 1 And what is that channel? What is that channel?

10:35 Speaker 2 That channel is... being willing, I think. I—

10:39 Speaker 1 Being willing to pass on the abundance from Hakadosh Boruch Hu—

10:40 Speaker 2 Yes.

10:41 Speaker 1 And your channel is really joy.

10:43 Speaker 2 Right.

10:43 Speaker 1 Right? Your channel—

10:44 Speaker 2 It’s joy. It’s seeing the humor in the things that happen to us in life. I mean, even—what do I mean by humor? Seeing the tragedy and translating it into comedy. Because in the end, we laugh at the mishaps, at the things that aren’t good. I don’t go up there and laugh about how great it is that—I don’t know—that things are going well for me. That’s not funny.

11:04 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

11:05 Speaker 2 What’s funny is when something not so good happens and we laugh.

11:09 Speaker 1 And I told you, the way you see things—when I was with you on the radio, I watched you start talking, move from one subject to another, keep talking, and somehow it all connected. Sitting there watching you, I thought, “Wow, I want to get inside her head and understand what’s going on in there, what she’s doing, how it works.”

11:24 Speaker 2 Disturbing.

11:24 Speaker 1 And you said to me, “What? That’s normal.” I said, “No. There’s a way of seeing things here that comes from somewhere else.” But in the end, sitting here talking with you, you’re full of characters. Who is Michal?

11:43 Speaker 2 Michal is a woman who would like to live on a secluded farm with chickens and cows, cook, raise a million children, and—

11:57 Speaker 1 Not a million.

11:58 Speaker 2 And dance—not a million.

11:59 Speaker 1 Don’t stress me out, don’t stress me out.

11:59 Speaker 2 Not a million, but really, a whole procession.

12:03 Speaker 1 A tribe.

12:04 Speaker 2 A tribe.

12:05 Speaker 1 Yes.

12:05 Speaker 2 And for that tribe to want to keep raising their children near me.

12:09 Speaker 1 Okay.

12:10 Speaker 2 And that tribe would grow, and all day we’d eat and—

12:17 Speaker 1 Really? That’s—

12:18 Speaker 2 We’d run—

12:18 Speaker 1 That’s what Michal wants?

12:19 Speaker 2 And skip over hills and pull weeds and—

12:23 Speaker 1 Really? That’s what Michal wants?

12:25 Speaker 2 Um, I think so. Michal is very... yes.

12:31 Speaker 1 And when will she do that?

12:32 Speaker 2 Soon.

12:37 Speaker 1 But now you’re already—

12:40 Speaker 2 Again, I know how to do the—I do it at home now, too. Okay? I know how to make time for home, to cook and be with them. I really—

12:49 Speaker 1 But that brings me back to what we talked about at the end of the previous episode. Hasn’t it lost its appeal for you—no, I don’t know what the word is—that people still see “Michal Levitin, Levitin, Levitin.” How is it pronounced?

13:03 Speaker 2 Levitin.

13:03 Speaker 1 Levitin sounds more professional, right?

13:05 Speaker 2 Yes.

13:05 Speaker 1 We’re being professional. People see your name and the hall fills up. I mean, people know that putting your name on the announcement fills a hall. Boruch Hashem, and that’s something to thank Hashem for, too. But on the other hand, here’s a woman who wants to live in a village and probably be anonymous, too—not known.

13:26 Speaker 2 Right.

13:26 Speaker 1 And still, she goes onstage.

13:29 Speaker 2 Right.

13:29 Speaker 1 And she probably enjoys it, too, because she isn’t suffering up there.

13:32 Speaker 2 No, I—

13:32 Speaker 1 Because if she were suffering, the audience wouldn’t come.

13:34 Speaker 2 Totally. I think I’ll want to perform until I’m ninety-nine.

13:38 Speaker 1 So you see, we’re talking about two real extremes here.

13:40 Speaker 2 I’m confused.

13:41 Speaker 1 Huh?

13:42 Speaker 2 Yes.

13:42 Speaker 1 No, I didn’t know what that meant. So if we look at the private person and the public persona, what’s going on there?

13:50 Speaker 2 Wow, I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s beyond me. I can’t tell you. I’m both.

13:55 Speaker 1 Maybe that desire—the dream you have of that private life—is what lets you come onstage fresh each time. I don’t know, I—

14:04 Speaker 2 Could be.

14:05 Speaker 1 Because I really am trying to understand it.

14:07 Speaker 2 But I really do feel fresh every time.

14:09 Speaker 1 How?

14:09 Speaker 2 It’s a funny thing.

14:10 Speaker 1 But sometimes you use the same material.

14:13 Speaker 2 Right.

14:14 Speaker 1 So how are you fresh?

14:15 Speaker 2 Um, it comes out differently. I don’t know. It’s like when you have a good recipe that works—

14:21 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

14:21 Speaker 2 And you just make it on autopilot. Okay? I don’t know, you make your challahs on autopilot, but every time you’re excited all over again by the challahs that come out.

14:28 Speaker 1 Right.

14:29 Speaker 2 Right? Every time, the smell—

14:30 Speaker 1 You struck a chord with the challahs, because that’s almost the only thing I make.

14:33 Speaker 2 There you go. But the smell is a little different every time, right? And the shape is a little different—

14:36 Speaker 1 No, and the prayer, too—

14:37 Speaker 2 And the prayer is a little different—

14:38 Speaker 1 The prayer, too: that the bread—

14:39 Speaker 2 And the prayer is different.

14:40 Speaker 1 That they come out tasty and good.

14:41 Speaker 2 It’s a new creation even though you know the recipe by heart.

14:43 Speaker 1 Right.

14:43 Speaker 2 Someone could wake you in the middle of the night and you’d know the recipe by heart.

14:45 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

14:46 Speaker 2 But every time it fills—

14:48 Speaker 1 Okay.

14:48 Speaker 2 The stomach that’s emptied.

14:50 Speaker 1 Okay.

14:50 Speaker 2 Right? Every time—

14:51 Speaker 1 And you don’t worry that one day you won’t be relevant in this field anymore?

14:56 Speaker 2 I don’t worry, but I say that it will happen—

14:57 Speaker 1 No, I mean in stand-up. You’ve already realized that you’ll always be relevant somehow, that that’ll happen—

15:05 Speaker 2 Right.

15:05 Speaker 1 Because you know how to reinvent yourself.

15:06 Speaker 2 Right.

15:06 Speaker 1 COVID came along, and you came up with something.

15:10 Speaker 2 Right.

15:10 Speaker 1 Whatever comes along, boruch Hashem. But I mean stand-up specifically: still going onstage and having your name—

15:15 Speaker 2 It doesn’t scare me at all.

15:16 Speaker 1 Why?

15:17 Speaker 2 Because then I’ll be in the village.

15:20 Speaker 1 Oh, I see. So in a way, you’ve made room for that dream and kept it there, and it’s like it steadies the boat from both sides.

15:32 Speaker 2 Yes.

15:32 Speaker 1 Beautiful.

15:32 Speaker 2 It really, really doesn’t bother me. I mean, I know that what needs to happen will happen. I have faith—

15:41 Speaker 1 So let’s talk about Hakadosh Boruch Hu in your life.

15:43 Speaker 2 Hakadosh Boruch Hu is everything.

15:45 Speaker 1 Explain.

15:45 Speaker 2 Everything. From the moment I open my eyes until I close them. I mean, every single thing. I think about every response I make in terms of, “How does Hakadosh Boruch Hu want me to respond right now?” That’s how much.

15:56 Speaker 1 Wow.

15:57 Speaker 2 Really.

15:58 Speaker 1 How did you get there?

16:00 Speaker 2 First of all, I always lived that way, but when I started learning Tanya, I knew how to put it into words.

16:06 Speaker 1 Suddenly you had clear words for it.

16:06 Speaker 2 I had clear words for it: I really do see souls; I see G-dliness. I mean, when I come before an audience, I know there are souls here, and the rest doesn’t interest me at all. People always try to make me nervous: “Listen, this is an audience of supervisors; this is a very...” None of that speaks to me at all. Okay? I see a soul.

16:23 Speaker 1 And that also lets you meet people eye to eye.

16:26 Speaker 2 Yes. Yes. I don’t see what—it doesn’t bother me.

16:30 Speaker 1 Now we’re in a world—

16:31 Speaker 2 Religious, not religious, this kind of chareidi or that kind of chareidi—it makes no difference. I don’t have those categories. It doesn’t bother me.

16:40 Speaker 1 Okay, so apart from... you’re revealing the secrets of your success.

16:43 Speaker 2 Gladly.

16:43 Speaker 1 Gladly. Sharing them without any—

16:45 Speaker 2 At worst, I’ll get to the village sooner.

16:50 Speaker 1 So we actually want to help you get to the village.

16:53 Speaker 2 A village.

16:54 Speaker 1 A village.

16:54 Speaker 2 Somewhere.

16:54 Speaker 1 Do you know where? In Israel?

16:56 Speaker 2 Um, that’s still up for debate.

16:59 Speaker 1 Let’s put it out there.

17:00 Speaker 2 I really want it to be in Israel, but my husband actually imagines it abroad.

17:06 Speaker 1 Aha. Well, we really... Look, in the end, you can.

17:09 Speaker 2 I want it to be in Israel, because I still want to perform on stages here.

17:11 Speaker 1 In the end, today you can also be in that dream, living in the moshav, and keep sharing and keep having an impact.

17:19 Speaker 2 Yes, absolutely.

17:20 Speaker 1 That’s part of the beauty of what happened for you with giving birth during COVID.

17:24 Speaker 2 Right.

17:24 Speaker 1 We came into people’s homes, and that’s what...

17:26 Speaker 2 Right, right.

17:26 Speaker 1 And you opened your home.

17:27 Speaker 2 Absolutely, absolutely. No, I know it’s possible.

17:30 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

17:31 Speaker 2 But again, no, I’m okay. I’m in a good place now, too.

17:35 Speaker 1 No, you also have a certain...

17:36 Speaker 2 I like being in Ramla, with the whole market.

17:36 Speaker 1 No, but you also have this sort of wall around you. You’re getting pretty close to...

17:41 Speaker 2 No, I have no problem with neighbors. Actually, when I lived in an apartment building, I had amazing neighbors, and we had a give-and-take relationship.

17:46 Speaker 1 No, I meant your yard, actually.

17:48 Speaker 2 Oh, right, right. It’s not even the yard. Come on, I don’t really have time to enjoy the yard and everything. I come home to sleep, okay? To sleep, cook, and sleep. I mean, really, I don’t...

17:58 Speaker 1 Because you’re not in the dream yet.

17:59 Speaker 2 Because I’m not really in the dream yet. I’m genuinely doing a crazy amount. That’s not the point. I think that when you have inner freedom, even in a tiny space you feel free; and when you don’t have inner freedom, you could have a castle and still feel like you’re in prison. So it’s not about the place at all.

18:16 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

18:16 Speaker 2 I do have that freedom. I mean, even sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee, I feel it when I have it.

18:22 Speaker 1 You’re really, really present in the moment.

18:25 Speaker 2 Yes.

18:26 Speaker 1 And one moment can sort of fill everything. Wow, listen, there’s a lot here. If someone’s listening and taking notes, it’s worth it. Because it’s about understanding the person as a whole: you have this ability to see people eye to eye, and you have this sense of Hakadosh Boruch Hu being present in your life, and then everyone is... You’re not above anyone.

18:52 Speaker 2 No.

18:52 Speaker 1 I mean, here I am.

18:53 Speaker 2 I can’t—I never feel that way, truly. When I come before an audience, I feel quite the opposite. I want so much to respect the people listening to me.

19:04 Speaker 1 But you understand that it’s possible...

19:05 Speaker 2 And it comes from gratitude, too.

19:06 Speaker 1 You understand that someone in a role and position like yours could lose their bearings there.

19:12 Speaker 2 Yes.

19:12 Speaker 1 You understand that.

19:13 Speaker 2 Wow. And I see it a lot in the industry.

19:16 Speaker 1 And what do you think...

19:17 Speaker 2 People lose their bearings.

19:18 Speaker 1 And when you see that, what do you think?

19:21 Speaker 2 It makes me sad, because it leads to behavior and situations that are unpleasant for everyone—the people who booked the event, the audience, and the performer.

19:37 Speaker 1 And then the flow is gone.

19:38 Speaker 2 Exactly.

19:39 Speaker 1 If we think of it as a channel for blessing, when you’re connected to that channel, the true blessing flows through—the blessing of Hakadosh Boruch Hu.

19:48 Speaker 2 Absolutely.

19:49 Speaker 1 And the moment you bring your ego into it and start getting yourself mixed in, that’s where everything gets confused.

19:53 Speaker 2 Completely. And then you see...

19:55 Speaker 1 But what keeps you from losing your bearings?

19:58 Speaker 2 Knowing that it could all disappear just like that.

20:02 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

20:03 Speaker 2 In a second. Imagine I’m hoarse now, with no voice. Imagine, G-d forbid, I wake up tomorrow without a voice. You understand that I’d have no livelihood? You understand? That’s the thing.

20:14 Speaker 1 Let me say for the people who can only hear us: you made a gesture with your...

20:17 Speaker 2 Oh, I did it with my fingers. I wouldn’t have a livelihood—because I believe Hakadosh Boruch Hu provides my livelihood. It comes from Him, and I just need to make a tiny bit of effort. It’s not me at all.

20:30 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

20:32 Speaker 2 So what I do is that tiny bit of effort. I start the car—not me, my husband does. Start the car...

20:37 Speaker 1 No, that’s another thing Hakadosh Boruch Hu gave you.

20:39 Speaker 2 Yes, absolutely. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s a whole chapter about marriage. But I get to the hall, and as far as I’m concerned, my effort is putting the bare minimum of makeup on my face, okay, and putting on a smile. That’s my effort.

20:51 Speaker 1 And giving what you have to give.

20:53 Speaker 2 And giving what I have to give. Exactly. Really.

20:57 Speaker 1 Wow.

20:58 Speaker 2 That’s it. That’s it. Everything else is His. I don’t even keep track. If you asked me today, “How much do you have in the bank?”—it doesn’t interest me. I have no idea. No idea. I don’t know. It’s just not...

21:07 Speaker 1 It never interested you?

21:08 Speaker 2 No. I’ll tell you, sometimes when my schedule is absolutely packed—really, three or four events a day—

21:15 Speaker 1 Three or four events a day? How do you do that?

21:17 Speaker 2 Yes, you can do that too.

21:19 Speaker 1 Okay.

21:20 Speaker 2 Well, when you have an agent and a producer and a driver and...

21:24 Speaker 1 Someone who arranges everything for you. Uh-huh.

21:26 Speaker 2 Yes. So he prepares for a day like that, right? He... And yes, on the drive I might ask him, “Tell me, at least are we making a lot of money? Tell me...” So he might throw out a number. Oh, okay, good, it’s worth it. Let’s go, next performance. Yes, that might happen.

21:41 Speaker 1 So that does excite you?

21:43 Speaker 2 I don’t know if it excites me, but at least I know I’m being paid for it. You understand? That I’m not pushing myself that hard for nothing.

21:53 Speaker 1 Is there a limit? Can you decide, “That’s it for today, I’m...”

21:57 Speaker 2 If you want to know what my husband and I argue about, it’s that.

22:00 Speaker 1 Cutting back, so that...

22:01 Speaker 2 Yes.

22:02 Speaker 1 But ultimately, this is your shlichus, and you bring people joy.

22:05 Speaker 2 Right, but I also need to listen to myself. I mean, family comes first, too. If you want to know what we argued about, it was Chol Hamoed Pesach. Our latest argument: how many performances to fit in. You have to understand, everyone wants Michal Levitan during Chol Hamoed. Where’s my family? Where am I?

22:28 Speaker 1 Wow.

22:29 Speaker 2 Now my husband says, “Come on, but wait—there are only two days this year. Let’s fill those two days, and afterward, you know, you have the rest of Yom Tov and we’ll be with the kids. It’s just those two days.” And I tell him, “No. Because there are only two days, no.” So that’s the...

22:43 Speaker 1 Wow. But...

22:44 Speaker 2 It’s become a conflict.

22:45 Speaker 1 But let me take your husband out of the picture for a second. It’s a real conflict for you, too.

22:51 Speaker 2 It is a conflict. Look, I do let myself feel what I’m feeling.

22:57 Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

22:57 Speaker 2 I mean, if it feels okay to me—these really are big events. It really is a very, very big opportunity to have an impact and bring joy to so many people. Fine, then I know I’ll give my children that time at another point. So okay.

23:15 Speaker 1 You understand both sides: your shlichus at home and your shlichus outside, and...

23:19 Speaker 2 I’m always...

23:20 Speaker 1 And then the impact. You look at the impact you’re having and how the children at home experience it?

23:27 Speaker 2 Well, I think they’ve gotten used to it, and they know they have a part in it. I tell them that all the time: you have a share in bringing joy to Jewish souls.

23:36 Speaker 1 Wow.

23:37 Speaker 2 Because in a way, it’s their sacrifice too.

23:41 Speaker 1 Right.

23:41 Speaker 2 It’s true that they get a happier mother, and it’s true that they get a calmer mother, and it’s true that they get... Because I come home so fulfilled that I throw myself into everything at home.

23:50 Speaker 1 Wow.

23:50 Speaker 2 I mean, I come home hungry for it. I really do. I...

23:53 Speaker 1 Explain.

23:54 Speaker 2 I come home missing them, hungry to get things done and give to them. I come home full of energy...

24:00 Speaker 1 From that.

24:00 Speaker 2 At a really high level. I mean, you can’t explain it, but say I have an hour at home between performances. I’ll come in and I’ll...

24:11 Speaker 1 In that hour, you do five hours’ worth.

24:12 Speaker 2 Yes. I’ll manage to make an incredible meal. I’ll manage to sit with everyone...

24:16 Speaker 1 It’s like you put out energy and get back twice as much.

24:19 Speaker 2 Yes.

24:21 Speaker 1 Wow.

24:21 Speaker 2 For home, though.

24:22 Speaker 1 Incredible.

24:23 Speaker 2 So the kids see me... Now, I have someone at home who’s just given birth, and the kids said, “Mom, Chani shouldn’t leave, because...”

24:32 Speaker 1 Yes, you’re spoiling them over there.

24:34 Speaker 2 “We’re getting gourmet meals—she shouldn’t leave!” And you have to understand, I’m doing a crazy amount right now.

24:41 Speaker 1 Incredible.

24:42 Speaker 2 And everyone’s getting so much.

24:48 Speaker 1 Wow.

24:49 Speaker 2 So what can I tell you? Isn’t that Hakadosh Boruch Hu? There’s no... It doesn’t make sense otherwise.

24:56 Speaker 1 Right.

24:56 Speaker 2 It doesn’t make sense. I should be coming home and collapsing. “Pamper me.”

24:59 Speaker 1 Right.

24:59 Speaker 2 “Pamper me. I worked hard. Give me a foot massage.”

25:01 Speaker 1 Absolutely.

25:03 Speaker 2 And instead I come home wanting to give to them. So it’s incredible.

25:07 Speaker 1 But is there also a part of you that feels you need to make it up to them?

25:12 Speaker 2 There used to be. There was a period like that.

25:17 Speaker 1 Wow.

25:17 Speaker 2 That was throughout their childhood, really, when my older children were little. I was always making it up to them. I bought them everything under the sun. After every performance, I had to come back with something.

25:28 Speaker 1 Wow.

25:29 Speaker 2 I mean, if I couldn’t find something to give them, I’d take the favors from the event for them. That’s how far it went...

25:35 Speaker 1 Because what were you feeling?

25:36 Speaker 2 I’d pack up sweets for them from the dessert table.

25:38 Speaker 1 Because what were you feeling?

25:40 Speaker 2 Because I felt that during that time, they weren’t getting me.

25:43 Speaker 1 That it was at their expense.

25:44 Speaker 2 That it was at their expense. And when—once I understood that, first of all, it wasn’t healthy for them, I realized it from—

25:50 Speaker 1 They must have started developing that dependence on you, too.

25:53 Speaker 2 Yes, and then it became a demand. Lists. I already had a list: “Bring me this, bring me that, bring me that.” And then I started performing around the world, so it was, “Bring me this from duty-free, and bring me that, and bring me that.” And then—

26:01 Speaker 1 And then you’re spending your whole day just—

26:04 Speaker 2 Giving them things.

26:04 Speaker 1 Trying to please them to compensate. Wow.

26:06 Speaker 2 That doesn’t happen today. I mean, the younger ones are growing up, and they don’t—it’s not there, because I also realized that—

26:12 Speaker 1 How did you realize it?

26:12 Speaker 2 Honestly, the school administrators really helped me understand it, especially at my boys’ schools. They were so loaded with gifts that the teachers had nothing to motivate them with. Say they wanted to run a campaign—

26:27 Speaker 1 They didn’t need anything.

26:28 Speaker 2 So it didn’t speak to them, because they didn’t need anything.

26:30 Speaker 1 Wow.

26:31 Speaker 2 And I remember one of the teachers actually spoke to me. He said, “Listen, it doesn’t make sense that your child raises his hand every time and says, ‘Uh, I already have...’”

26:39 Speaker 1 “He’s dismissing me.”

26:40 Speaker 2 “He’s dismissing me. I have nothing to offer him. What am I going to offer him, lentils?” I told him, “Yes, offer him lentils. I don’t have those at home.” Listen, that’s really how it was. My kids got excited about the lentils.

26:50 Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

26:50 Speaker 2 Because, you know, when it came to food, I didn’t buy them that junk, and in the end, that was what worked.

26:55 Speaker 1 And that sort of gave you—

26:56 Speaker 2 But it hit me like a—

26:57 Speaker 1 A mirror in your face.

26:57 Speaker 2 A blow to the face. Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why am I loading them down with all this? Because I need it. They don’t need it; I need it. And then I really calmed down about it, and that was that. Today, when Mom comes home, it’s me. I’m what they want.

27:16 Speaker 1 Wow.

27:16 Speaker 2 Not what I bring.

27:18 Speaker 1 And you’re not—I’m hearing that you’re also not coming from a place of, “Everything in this house is thanks to me.” It’s more that what you bring is Mom.

27:31 Speaker 2 Right.

27:32 Speaker 1 Wow.

27:33 Speaker 2 Absolutely, absolutely. It’s not just that I’m not coming from a place of “everything in this house is thanks to me.” What they need from me is me. Money and things like that? Go to Dad. That’s not me at all. Which is another thing—

27:44 Speaker 1 Listen, we’ve opened up so many topics here. This is going to be interesting. I don’t know what to tell you. You’re fascinating.

27:51 Speaker 2 Thank you. Chani Marzel, you know how to dig in and ask exactly the right questions.

27:55 Speaker 1 Yes.

27:56 Speaker 2 Wow.

27:57 Speaker 1 Thank you. Hashem always gives me the energy. We’re here—

28:00 Speaker 2 Absolutely.

28:00 Speaker 1 In the end, it’s all from Hashem.

28:02 Speaker 2 It really is.

28:02 Speaker 1 So I think we’ll meet again in another episode.

28:05 Speaker 2 With Hashem’s help.

28:06 Speaker 1 Thank you, Michal.

28:07 Speaker 2 Thank you, Chani.