Rabbi Shmuel Yizhar, Varanasi, India - Part 3

00:18 Speaker 1 And this friend of mine had... he had become much more observant. I’d known him for years, and he’d become very observant, sort of a Breslover. So we sat together the whole evening. I started telling him what I was going through, because over there I had no one to talk to. I was in, uh, a circle of Indians, you could say. I was a musician playing Indian music. So most of the people I knew were Indian guys.

00:44 Speaker 2 Okay.

00:45 Speaker 1 So I started telling him what I was going through, and then he... he gave me a Breslov book, uh, Hisbodedus: Conversations with Hashem, and another book, Courage [?]. And he said something that stayed etched in my mind. Of everything we talked about that evening, this is what I took away. He said: “Moshiach will come in the merit of the simple Jews who say Tehillim and put on tefillin.” That’s what he told me. Then I went and spent Shabbos with them at the Chabad House, and they gave me an aliyah to the Torah. No, no—

01:20 Speaker 2 At the Chabad House where?

01:22 Speaker 1 In Goa.

01:23 Speaker 2 Oh, in Goa.

01:24 Speaker 1 Shai Ezra was there. They gave me an aliyah to the Torah, and I went up, and... after a while I went back to where I’d been, but I went back more focused. They also gave me Iggeres HaRamban and a few other books there.

01:47 Speaker 2 You went back to Loransi [?], you mean?

01:49 Speaker 1 Loransi [?]. Yes, Loransi [?]. But I was more focused on what I was doing. I understood that I was here... I was beginning to understand that Hakadosh Boruch Hu is Jewish, that He wants Judaism, and that it’s something real. When I finished my time there, I had another two or three weeks or so, and then I was supposed to head up. Every year I would go up into the mountains to spend time alone. It’s an area where there’s very, very... hardly anyone there. There are only monks—

02:24 Speaker 2 Nepal is basically a country of mountains.

02:27 Speaker 1 No, no, this is in India. It’s also in India. India has everything. There’s—

02:31 Speaker 2 Nepal is also India.

02:33 Speaker 1 Nepal is Nepal. India is India.

02:36 Speaker 2 But you mean you were in a mountainous part of India.

02:40 Speaker 1 Yes. A large part of India is mountains.

02:42 Speaker 2 I see.

02:43 Speaker 1 India has everything. It has mountains, valleys, plains, rivers—everything. So when it starts getting very hot down on the plains of India, all the travelers go up into the mountains.

03:02 Speaker 2 Uh-huh.

03:04 Speaker 1 All of them. The travelers simply leave the lower parts of India and all go up into the mountains. It’s much cooler there.

03:11 Speaker 2 It’s cooler there?

03:13 Speaker 1 Cooler, much cooler.

03:14 Speaker 2 Mm-hmm.

03:16 Speaker 1 And... on the way to the mountains, I was in Delhi.

03:38 Speaker 2 You were in Delhi.

03:40 Speaker 1 I got to Delhi, and I had about two weeks. I said to myself, “I’ll stay for Pesach. There are two weeks until Pesach.” So I said, “I’ll stay for Pesach, celebrate Pesach, and then go up into the mountains.”

03:59 Speaker 2 Uh-huh.

04:01 Speaker 1 On the way I stopped in Delhi, and I wanted... I wanted a Tanach to take with me, something to read when I was in the mountains. So I went to the Chabad House and asked if they had a Tanach. They told me, “No, we don’t have a Tanach, but we have a Chitas.” I said, “What’s a Chitas?” They said, “What does it matter? Take it. Take it.” I said, “Okay.” I took it, put it in my bag, and went on. I was in Rishikesh, where Zohar David was, and a few other guys—Amit Hatdagi [?], and others. Anyway, I spent Pesach there. Then one of them said to me, “Listen, maybe you could come—on Sunday a Kabbalah course is starting at our Chabad House.” I told him, “No, on Sunday I’m leaving to spend a few months alone in the mountains.” A few years later I met that same Jew in [unclear].

05:09 Speaker 3 Yes.

05:09 Speaker 1 So I said to him, “Do you remember me?” He looked at me. “Remember? You invited me to a Kabbalah course.” He said, “You’re that broken guy.” I said, “What, you thought there was nothing to be done with this person? You see? Here I am.” It’s unbelievable. Anyway, I went up to spend that time alone in the mountains. Now, before I went up, where I’d been staying in Rishikesh, there was a hotel full of musicians. Really, everyone there was a musician. Lots and lots of musicians, and every evening there was a whole party. Guys would show up with instruments, all professional musicians, and they’d make music all night. Lots and lots of people would come, and there were drugs and all those things. Of course, I was the drum guy, the one who kept the beat, so I was very much part of that scene. And I was sitting there—it was right after Seder night. The evening was getting started, everyone was playing, and lots of people were coming. Suddenly I felt I couldn’t sit there. I couldn’t sit. I said to myself, “Who is this person next to you? Do you even know him? What do you have to do with him? And who’s that woman smiling at you? What do you have to do with them? Who are all these people? Why do you need to sit here? What do you have to do with any of them?” So I got up and went to my room. I went to my room and thought, “Okay, what am I going to do here?” Outside, the whole celebration was in full swing. I sat in my room and said, “Ah! I have a Chitas. Let’s see what it is.” I opened it and saw Tehillim. I said, “Okay, let’s say Tehillim.” I took my shirt and tied it around my head. I stood there seriously, facing Jerusalem, opened the Tehillim, and saw “Tehillim for Sunday.” Okay, Tehillim for Sunday. It was—

07:29 Speaker 1 Nighttime, right? Evening.

07:31 Speaker 3 Yes.

07:32 Speaker 1 So I stood up and said, “I’ll say the Tehillim for Sunday.” I said all the Tehillim for Sunday, and needless to say, my back seized up, my legs seized up. My brain seized up, and my whole body hurt from holding the Tehillim for Sunday. I didn’t know it would take me an hour, and I could barely get the words out. And it happened again every day. Every evening I’d go out and sit at that big party, and then I’d feel that I couldn’t stay. I’d get up and leave, open to Monday’s portion, then Tuesday’s, Wednesday’s, Thursday’s. And all the while I kept thinking, “Moshiach will come in the merit of Tehillim—the simple Jews who say Tehillim.” Okay. Then I went up into the mountains to spend time alone. We left on Friday morning—two Israeli women, two Canadians, and me—in a taxi to the mountains. It’s about a twelve-hour drive. We got to some place up in the mountains, and I said, “I’ll share a room with the Israeli women.” Then I thought, “No, that’s not right. I’ll share with the Canadians.” But then I thought that didn’t work either, because tomorrow I’d want to say the Tehillim for Shabbos. How could I do that with them there? I used to say it out loud. I didn’t just quietly say Tehillim—I sang it, shouted it, as though it was...

09:03 Speaker 4 Interesting.

09:05 Speaker 1 So I thought, “How am I going to say Tehillim with them there? It won’t work.” I took a room by myself, and it was just about sunset. I remember the sun starting to sink behind the mountain. These mountains are high—just so you understand, over three thousand meters above sea level. That’s very high. Very, very high.

09:25 Speaker 4 High.

09:26 Speaker 1 And cold.

09:26 Speaker 4 [unclear]. Was there snow?

09:29 Speaker 1 There was snow on all the mountains around us, yes, lots of snow. And it was unusually cold. So I said to myself, “Look, it’s already sunset.” I could see the sun setting between the mountains. “It’s late and cold. Just get under the covers and go to sleep.” So that’s what I did. I got into bed under the blanket and went to sleep. In the morning I got up, and there are hot springs there. That whole place has hot springs bubbling up from the ground.

10:00 Speaker 4 Ah.

10:01 Speaker 1 So I got up, washed my face, ate something, and climbed the mountain. I started saying Tehillim up there on the mountaintop. Then I wandered around the mountain for half the day, and [unclear] I got back near the hotels—there’s an area with a few hotels. And then the heavens literally opened, and I saw the might of G-d. I started singing songs to Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Songs that brought everyone in the hotel outside. All the balconies were full of people standing there, watching a madman singing songs to Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Anyway, I’m shortening this story. That night, when I realized that was it, the story was over, they told me, “It’s time to immerse.” So I went and immersed in the hot springs. From then on I wore a head covering, and it has never come off since. Not since that day. And...

11:07 Speaker 4 And you were completely alone. No friends, no...

11:11 Speaker 1 Nothing. And there, it really was nothing. Then I went farther up into the mountains and spent about two months alone there. It was an extraordinary spiritual experience. Every day I would say Tehillim all day. I’d walk through the mountains with a staff, like Moshe Rabbeinu, you know, wandering around the mountains.

11:32 Speaker 4 What did you eat and drink?

11:35 Speaker 1 Huh?

11:35 Speaker 4 What did you eat and drink?

11:38 Speaker 1 I would buy food down in the village, carry it up the mountain to my hut, and cook there.

11:44 Speaker 4 …

11:45 Speaker 1 All day I was either playing the drums, sitting and saying Tehillim, contemplating the Creator, or walking around. When I came back, I returned to that same guesthouse for musicians. Nobody recognized me. The people I’d been with two and a half months earlier were sitting with me, and they had no idea it was me.

12:12 Speaker 4 Really?

12:14 Speaker 1 Really.

12:15 Speaker 4 Your face had changed.

12:17 Speaker 1 Everything had changed. I’d become a different person. I was just... suddenly I was someone else. Nobody recognized me. People sat with me and had no idea it was me. Then I got to Dharamsala, and suddenly I came to Chabad. They kept saying to me, “The Rebbe, the Rebbe, the Rebbe, the Rebbe,” and I said, “Where’s Hakadosh Boruch Hu?” Then all sorts of provocations and issues started.

12:46 Speaker 4 Provocations about what? That you should become religious?

12:49 Speaker 1 From me, from me. “Where’s Hakadosh Boruch Hu? What’s this about the Rebbe?”

12:52 Speaker 4 …

12:54 Speaker 1 Anyway, I’m giving you the short version. After a while, I went back down south and came to Bezalel.

13:04 Speaker 4 Bezalel Kupchik?

13:07 Speaker 1 I came to Bezalel Kupchik to celebrate my birthday with him. Actually, before that I’d been at a Jewish house run by Breslov chassidim, who were very, very nice. They said, “Come celebrate your birthday with us.” I told them, “No, I can’t. I have to travel to Pune, to Chabad. I’m going to celebrate my birthday at Chabad.”

13:32 Speaker 4 How long is the trip to Pune?

13:36 Speaker 1 Twelve, thirteen, fourteen hours.

13:38 Speaker 4 I see.

13:40 Speaker 1 And I traveled... No, that’s nothing; those are short trips in India. So I traveled to Bezalel and got to him on my birthday. We celebrated there, and then he gave me two copies of Tanya. He also let me photocopy the laws of idol worship in the Rambam. I asked him, “Why two copies of Tanya?” He said, “One for you to study and one to give to someone along the way.” Then I had two weeks of travel to different places in India. I went to Calcutta to meet musicians, and then on to other places. So I studied almost the entire Tanya. I didn’t understand a thing, but I felt that the person who wrote that book knew exactly what was going on inside my soul. He knew exactly. I was in an extraordinary state of inner intensity, truly. And... after Tanya came Dvar Malchus, and then maamarim of the Rebbe Rashab started coming my way. Suddenly, all the lights settled properly into the vessels. That whole story, from there onward, took two years.

15:03 Speaker 4 …

15:03 Speaker 1 From there I returned to Israel and entered yeshiva.

15:07 Speaker 4 Rabbi Arad’s yeshiva?

15:09 Speaker 1 After the ye—Rabbi Arad’s yeshiva. I hadn’t planned it. Hakadosh Boruch Hu arranged things so that I ended up there with him.

15:19 Speaker 4 I see.

15:19 Speaker 1 I used to put on Rabbeinu Tam tefillin in India.

15:22 Speaker 4 I see.

15:23 Speaker 1 And because I put on Rabbeinu Tam tefillin, I needed a pair every day. I was living in Rechovot. When I got to my parents’ house, I asked people there where I could find Rabbeinu Tam tefillin every morning. They told me, “There’s a yeshiva here run by Rabbi Arad. Go in; there are guys there.” And they really were very nice guys. It was a yeshiva for baalei teshuvah then. So every morning I’d come for the Rabbeinu Tam tefillin, and then I’d stay for another class, and another, and another, and another. But in the end, the rabbi saw the, the, the... I had arrived right around Simchas Torah. Friends from India who had become a little more involved invited me. They said, “Come spend Shabbos and Simchas Torah at the yeshiva in Ramat Aviv.” So I went to the yeshiva in Ramat Aviv, and they gave me a Torah scroll for hakafos. They said, “Do a hakafah; that’s a good resolution.” So I knew I had to enter yeshiva, because otherwise I’d lose my direction here. I said, “Within two weeks, I’m entering yeshiva.” Then I was at Rabbi Arad’s, and after two weeks Rabbi Arad said to me, “Well, what’s happening? What about you?” I said, “I’ll go to Ramat Aviv and enter yeshiva.” “Exile yourself to a place of Torah”[?]. So I found out—I spent one day in Ramat Aviv, and the next day I came back and told Rabbi Arad, “I’m here.” I’ve been at the yeshiva ever since. Two years later, I got married.