Rabbi Dor Biton - New Zealand - Part 2

00:20 Speaker 1 Dor Biton, Chabad House in Christchurch, New Zealand. Dor, do you have a story about how you became close to Chabad? After all, you were born into a family that, I’d say, wasn’t religious at all.

00:35 Speaker 2 Right.

00:37 Speaker 1 And at some point you got to know Chabad and decided that this was your path.

00:44 Speaker 2 That’s right.

00:44 Speaker 1 So let’s hear that interesting story, please.

00:47 Speaker 2 With pleasure. I grew up in Arad, in a nonreligious family. My parents divorced when I was young, and we children stayed in Arad. There were ten children in the family. Although we weren’t religious, we had some traditions. We’re a Sephardic, Moroccan family.

01:16 Speaker 1 There were ten siblings?

01:18 Speaker 2 Ten siblings, yes. It’s a bit of a mix.

01:20 Speaker 1 I see.

01:20 Speaker 2 Some from my mother, some from my mother and father, and some from the woman my father married afterward—

01:28 Speaker 1 Ah.

01:28 Speaker 2 She brought three children too. So basically, there were six of us in Arad, and another four with my mother in Kfar Saba.

01:36 Speaker 1 I see.

01:37 Speaker 2 In Kfar Saba.

01:38 Speaker 1 All right, we’re getting the picture.

01:44 Speaker 2 And I always felt a certain connection to religion. It didn’t really find expression in—

01:52 Speaker 1 How did it show itself? At what age?

01:54 Speaker 2 Especially in ninth grade, I took something upon myself. I had a good friend, three years older than me, who had become very observant. He left school and sat learning Torah all day. I was still—

02:14 Speaker 1 How old were you then?

02:15 Speaker 2 I was in ninth grade, and he was three years older.

02:17 Speaker 1 So he was already in eleventh or twelfth grade.

02:19 Speaker 2 Exactly.

02:20 Speaker 1 Ah. He was already a young man.

02:22 Speaker 2 Yes, yes, with his head on his shoulders.

02:24 Speaker 1 I see. So you were in ninth grade and thought there might be something there for you too.

02:29 Speaker 2 Exactly. I put on a yarmulke, a large white one.

02:34 Speaker 1 How did your parents take it?

02:37 Speaker 2 They thought it was a little strange, because I went a bit to an extreme. But they figured it was a phase, so they didn’t bother me too much. I respected them in the things that mattered to them, and they left me alone. I didn’t leave school, though I wanted to. It lasted about three or four months. It was during Sefiras HaOmer; the whole process had started about three weeks before Sefiras HaOmer.

03:03 Speaker 1 What appealed to you? What drew you in?

03:06 Speaker 2 The world of Torah. I sat and learned Gemara and Midrashim with him. It really drew me in.

03:13 Speaker 1 That world, the world of Torah, captivated you.

03:14 Speaker 2 Very much.

03:15 Speaker 1 Okay.

03:18 Speaker 2 I remember that the whole process started three weeks before Sefiras HaOmer. I happened not to shave during those three weeks, and then Sefiras HaOmer began, so my beard grew quite a bit.

03:30 Speaker 1 You had a beard in ninth grade?

03:33 Speaker 2 Yes, I already had a beard in ninth grade.

03:35 Speaker 1 I see.

03:37 Speaker 2 I always told my family and friends that during Sefiras HaOmer, you don’t shave. Well, Sefiras HaOmer ended and everyone told me to shave, but I didn’t want to touch my beard. I really liked it, and my friend had explained to me how holy it was, according to the Zohar and everything. I didn’t want to touch it.

03:58 Speaker 1 What did he say? What does the Zohar say about it?

04:01 Speaker 2 I don’t remember everything he explained, but I remember that it brings a very great blessing, and that it’s called hadras panim, the beauty of the face. It’s the beauty of a Jew. That’s how a Jew should look.

04:13 Speaker 1 And that stayed with you.

04:14 Speaker 2 Very much. I didn’t shave. But my family, my parents and my friends kept—I’d even say they made a little fun of me. And then—

04:30 Speaker 1 What was it like, having them make fun of you like that?

04:33 Speaker 2 Very, very unpleasant. I felt strongly about it and really liked it, but it turned out, by hashgachah pratis—I don’t think they spoke to one another—that a great many friends, uncles, my parents and my siblings all pressured me to shave.

04:51 Speaker 1 They kept bothering you about it.

04:52 Speaker 2 Very much. And I really didn’t want to. But about a month after Sefiras HaOmer, I couldn’t hold out anymore. I gave in and shaved. I remember shaving—this is how I remember it—and it hurt terribly. I felt physical pain as I cut off the hairs of my beard, and it hurt my heart so much that I said, “With Hashem’s help, I’ll grow a beard again and never touch it.” That was—

05:20 Speaker 1 That was your thought.

05:21 Speaker 2 My thought and my feeling. I remember I almost cried. It really hurt, physically, when I shaved my beard. I don’t know how to explain it. I remember it took me a long time to forgive them, because I remembered what had happened. It hurt me very, very much. But life went on. Not long after that, I drifted away from it. I still loved it, but I went less often to learn, kept Shabbos less and put on tefillin less. In short, I went back to the path I’d been on before. But in our family, going to shul on Friday night was always a thing. I remember we’d even race home from shul to see who could get to the computer first. And when we made Kiddush, we’d tell whoever was at the computer, “You can’t sit at the computer during Kiddush with a yarmulke on.” He’d say, “You’re right,” take off his yarmulke and put it aside. That was how it was. But shul and Kiddush were always part of our lives. Then I reached army age and enlisted—

06:39 Speaker 1 You’re talking about three years later.

06:41 Speaker 2 Right, three years later.

06:42 Speaker 1 So quite a bit of time had passed since then.

06:44 Speaker 2 Yes, yes. Sometimes the Chabad chassidim would offer me tefillin. Often I’d tell them I’d already put them on, even when I hadn’t, and often I did put them on. I certainly wasn’t against it. I also had a good friend who kept Shabbos, so when I was with him on Shabbos, I’d try to go places where we wouldn’t need to drive. When I wasn’t with him, I behaved as usual. And then—

07:10 Speaker 1 Like people who don’t observe Torah.

07:11 Speaker 2 Exactly, like people who don’t really observe. Then I enlisted in the army, and—

07:18 Speaker 1 Which unit did you join?

07:19 Speaker 2 I joined Givati. I went through the selection process and was accepted into Givati’s reconnaissance unit. Of course, in the army you have to look neat, so you have to shave every day and have a smooth, clean face. But Hakadosh Boruch Hu blessed me with a lot of hair, especially on my beard, and shaving every day was miserable for me. Sometimes it even gave me sores. So I asked what I needed to get a beard exemption. They told me it had to be either for medical or religious reasons. I had no medical grounds. As for religious reasons, I said, “Great, what do I need for a religious exemption?” You have to wear a yarmulke and put on tefillin. I thought, why not? Then I said to myself, “Hold on. Am I going to be a liar just to get a beard exemption?” And I believe that’s when the yetzer tov spoke up. It said, “Wait a minute, why would you be a liar? You already respect this, and you love it. Here you’re being given a chance to wear a yarmulke and put on tefillin. Take it in the right direction.” I would still come home and take off my yarmulke, but I thought, at least there’s a period when I’m doing a mitzvah. That’s how I saw it. It wasn’t just for the exemption. I really got up, put on tefillin and davened with the guys. I tried to live up to the religious standard.

08:45 Speaker 3 Were there a few religious guys in your company or your squad?

08:48 Speaker 2 There were twenty-one of us on the team, and eight were religious—or seven, plus me.

08:52 Speaker 3 That’s a lot.

08:53 Speaker 2 Yes, yes.

08:54 Speaker 3 Almost a minyan, you could say.

08:56 Speaker 2 Almost a minyan, right. So I saw it positively: I was doing a mitzvah, wearing a yarmulke, davening—and of course I got my beard exemption. As time went on in the army, some of the guys would stay during a break to learn, and I’d stay with them for a bit. I became a little more observant in the army—not too much, but I got a bit closer to learning Torah and keeping Shabbos. I’d even come home and try to keep Shabbos there too.

09:32 Speaker 3 Ah.

09:33 Speaker 2 That was about a year and a half into my army service.

09:36 Speaker 3 So by then it was starting to appeal to you—

09:38 Speaker 2 Exactly.

09:38 Speaker 3 And you thought, well—

09:39 Speaker 2 Step by step.

09:40 Speaker 3 There’s something I can take from this. Okay.

09:43 Speaker 2 About a year and a half after I enlisted, my mother’s financial situation was very, very difficult. She lived in Kfar Saba, and I made an effort, together with my sergeant, to move her and my siblings to Arad, because I was—

10:03 Speaker 3 Your mother wasn’t in Arad?

10:05 Speaker 2 No, my mother wasn’t. We lived with our father. My mother lived in Kfar Saba.

10:09 Speaker 3 You lived in Arad.

10:09 Speaker 2 In Arad, yes.

10:09 Speaker 3 And your mother was in Kfar Saba.

10:10 Speaker 2 My mother was in Kfar Saba, and we would visit her. Every two weeks we’d travel there for Shabbos. That had been the arrangement for many years. Since second grade, I’d been taking buses every other week to spend Shabbos with my mother and my siblings.

10:25 Speaker 3 Was your mother observant?

10:27 Speaker 2 My mother wasn’t, but she was very warm toward Judaism. Very, very warm. If someone asked her to do a mitzvah, she would do it, of course, if she could. But on her own, she didn’t keep Shabbos or—

10:45 Speaker 3 Ah.

10:45 Speaker 2 Or things like that.

10:48 Speaker 3 And then you tried to move her to Arad.

10:50 Speaker 2 I had a sergeant who, baruch Hashem, did a really, really good job. He got a truck from the army, took the guys from our team, and we all drove to Kfar Saba. They loaded everything onto the truck. The truck drove to Arad, and most of the guys, most of the team, had to head back by then. He stayed with one other guy, and the two of them unloaded the entire truck by themselves. It was quite a lot of stuff. But baruch Hashem, she moved to Arad. I also had an officer in the unit who was in charge of all the supplies and equipment. When he heard there were some problems at home, every Friday when we went on leave from the army, he would send me out with a ninety-liter duffel bag absolutely stuffed with food. So much that I couldn’t lift it on my own. They’d send another soldier to help me carry it all the way home to Arad, and then he’d head back, go home. There was meat and everything, really.

12:03 Speaker 3 That’s a very kind gesture.

12:05 Speaker 2 Yes. His name was Amram Murko—may this be an elevation for his soul. He’s no longer with us. Anyway, there was an abundance of food. This was about a year and a half into my army service; half a year later, I’d been a combat soldier for two years. By then the times when I could talk on the phone were more flexible. I got a call from my mother at six in the morning, and she was hysterical, crying. Anyway, I came home. My mother had a boyfriend, and he had gone into cardiac arrest.

12:43 Speaker 3 Hashem protect us.

12:44 Speaker 2 Yes. My mother is a very, very sensitive woman. She took it very hard, and for a year and a half she could barely function. She also had health problems, diabetes and everything, so she needed care. But there were little children too. I had four younger siblings: the youngest was a year and a half, and the others were three, four and a half, and eight. Little kids. So in practice, while I was in the army, I took charge as much as I could, especially of the food, the bills, everything. I was getting paid by the army. Then I was discharged.

13:25 Speaker 3 After three years.

13:26 Speaker 2 After three years, yes.

13:28 Speaker 3 You were then—

13:28 Speaker 2 Anyway, I was discharged from the army and started working for the postal service because the pay was very, very good. More than ten years ago, I was making 7,200, which was considered a lot. So I was supporting the household—my mother and siblings—and I was also the adult figure at home when it came to their upbringing and everything else. Over time, I also started getting closer to the shul. There’s a Chabad rabbi, Rabbi Boussi.

13:56 Speaker 3 Rafael Boussi.

13:57 Speaker 2 Rafael Boussi, exactly.

13:59 Speaker 3 That’s the rabbi, yes.

13:59 Speaker 2 He brought my friend Shmuel Avi closer to Judaism, and they opened a shul and started doing outreach. They’re still doing it today. So many, many people became observant. Many went to Ramat Aviv[?] and became Chabad chassidim, and there were others who didn’t, but really, so many. I started coming to the shul. At first it was to help make the morning minyan. I started work at seven-thirty, and they had a minyan at seven, so he’d ask me to come half an hour early. Over time I started davening too, and little by little I became more involved, until he made me a gabbai at the shul. He gave me responsibility.

14:38 Speaker 3 He saw your potential.

14:41 Speaker 2 Probably. Or maybe that’s also part of the idea—getting a person more connected. That went on for a whole year. I was working and becoming more involved. I started wearing a kippah all the time and keeping Shabbos. At the same time, of course, I was taking care of my mother’s home and my siblings. That’s what I did for the whole year after the army. After a year, Rabbi Boussi came to me and said, “All right, it’s time to go to yeshiva.” Now, up to that point, everything had been nice and comfortable.

15:15 Speaker 3 How did your parents feel about all this? What was their attitude? How did they see it?

15:20 Speaker 2 As long as things stayed like that, it was fine. For my father, what always mattered was: do whatever you want, just work. Make a living. So as far as my father was concerned, I was fine. As for my father’s wife, she had no problem with it as long as I ate at home. She’s someone who cooks and takes care of all that, so she tried as much as she could, and I wasn’t all that strict yet. So it worked out. My mother was very open to it. On the contrary, the more I brought home, the happier she was. But at the same time, as I said, she wasn’t really functioning as a mother, so it only lifted her spirits. That’s how I saw it. When Rabbi Boussi told me to go to yeshiva, I ruled it out. Things had been good and comfortable until now, and that was how they would stay. I wasn’t going to yeshiva; that was too much for me. He kept at me a little. Then I told him, “Listen, I’m going to make a deal with Hakadosh Boruch Hu, and I’ll let you know what happens.” And I made a deal with Hakadosh Boruch Hu. There were four things, though I remember only three of them. And I saw miracles—I really saw a revelation of G-dliness in the most powerful way.

16:36 Speaker 4 Yes.

16:36 Speaker 2 So I made a deal with Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Three things I thought couldn’t happen. Actually, there were four; again, I don’t remember the fourth. But the three I remember were that my mother would come to her senses and start raising the children, start educating them—there were little children there—and act like a mother. That she would get an apartment from Amidar. She had applied to Amidar for an apartment as a single mother with children, just two months before I made this deal with Hakadosh Boruch Hu. And it’s well known that usually, after six months, they turn you down, and only if you’re persistent and apply again might you get one. And the third thing was that she would find a job that brought in an income. If all of that happened, along with the fourth thing, then I’d be willing to try yeshiva for a week. Yes, I still wasn’t committing to any…