Episode 10: My Grandmother's Journey of Shlichus | With Bat Sheva Wolf-Shochat, founder and director of the organization 'Kav LaLev'

00:00 Speaker 1 What is it like to build a neighborhood from scratch in southern Israel? Institutions, family, community. To face challenges from a young age and, out of that, establish an initiative that has saved—and continues to save—many women around the world. Welcome to a conversation with Batsheva Wolf-Shochat. A conversation that begins in Jerusalem, reaches all the way to Los Angeles, and is, how could it not be, one long, ongoing shlichus. How do we turn our lives into lives of shlichus, full of meaning? I’m Chani Moskowitz, a shlucha in Kharkiv, Ukraine. In this podcast, we’ll meet women who have brought their shlichus into a variety of fields, and through their stories, they’ll help each of us find and refine our own shlichus in the world. Because living the life we were created to live is the best there is. Shlichus as a way of life. Let’s begin. Hello, hello to a very special guest—my grandmother. Introduce yourself for everyone listening, so they can get to know you. Just the basics.

01:09 Speaker 2 Okay. So hello to my sweet granddaughter, my beloved granddaughter. I’m excited. An introduction, then: My name is Batsheva Wolf-Shochat. I’m a mother of children, kein ayin hara, may they be healthy. I won’t say how many. Not because I’m afraid of the evil eye, but because that’s how we were brought up. Once someone came up to my father and asked him, “How many children do you have?” He replied, “How much money do you have in the bank?” The man said, “What? Who tells people how much money they have in the bank?” So my father said, “For me, my children are my bank.” Boruch Hashem, I really don’t know how many grandchildren I have. It’s not that I can’t count—I can—but I don’t know. I don’t know how many great-grandchildren I have, and boruch Hashem, boruch Hashem, the great majority of them are the Rebbe’s shluchim. I love them very much, I’m very close to them, and they’re very dear to me. Besides being a mother and a wife and all that, I’m a couples therapist. I also work with individuals, and it’s all based on Chassidus—Judaism and Chassidus. Boruch Hashem, I give classes, and yes, I’m on shlichus. I see my whole life, my entire life, as one great shlichus. So that’s the broad outline, the broad outline.

03:02 Speaker 1 In just two words, really.

03:03 Speaker 2 Really, just two words. I was born in Jerusalem. After I got married, I moved to Lod.

03:12 Speaker 1 So let’s start with your childhood.

03:14 Speaker 2 Great.

03:14 Speaker 1 Let’s go.

03:15 Speaker 2 Okay. So—

03:17 Speaker 1 Jerusalem—not the Jerusalem we know today.

03:22 Speaker 2 Not at all. It was a heavenly Jerusalem. First of all, I’m a Jerusalemite, the daughter of a Jerusalemite, the granddaughter of a Jerusalemite. My father actually came from Poland. He came to Israel before the Holocaust, in which most of his family was murdered. I’m named after a grandmother who died in the Holocaust. I grew up in a Jerusalem that was truly full of kindness and closeness. Everyone lived together in the same courtyard, alongside one another. Just yesterday I was visiting my daughter in Migdal HaEmek, and I told her daughter, “You know, every week I used to go and wash my grandmother’s floors.” She said to me, “Really? Did she pay you, too?” You see, these are ideas we don’t know today.

04:25 Speaker 1 A different way of life.

04:25 Speaker 2 Yes, completely, completely. Despite the truly special life we had, with so much activity, creativity and kindness, I grew up in the shadow of a mother who was ill. My mother had a heart condition, and that stayed with me for years and years and years. I was constantly worried about her well-being and her health, and it wasn’t easy. Looking back today, I understand how much I grew, how much I developed, how much I rose above that situation, compared with other girls who really remained, you know, little...

05:13 Speaker 1 They didn’t have to cope with it.

05:14 Speaker 2 No, no, they didn’t have to cope with it. They didn’t have something like that to face—not that they had nothing to face; there’s always something.

05:19 Speaker 1 Yes.

05:20 Speaker 2 But I really had to take responsibility. Apart from cooking, my mother couldn’t do anything. I remember my mother after she gave birth. That baby didn’t survive; her body was apparently no longer able to carry a healthy baby. [unclear] But I remember that after she gave birth, it was obvious that I, a five-year-old girl, would come and help. I remember my kindergarten teacher—I even remember her name; she was called Chassida. I was five, in kindergarten, and I wasn’t coming to school. So the teacher came to visit and see what was going on, and she found me washing the floors. Imagine, at five years old.

06:09 Speaker 1 Yes. My Sarah is five.

06:11 Speaker 2 Your Sarah is five, yes. Tell her to wash the floors! It was so natural, so... Boruch Hashem, it really only helped me grow. We didn’t have much, but I don’t ever remember feeling deprived. I also told my granddaughter that the first new item of clothing anyone bought me—not counting things I sewed myself; I learned to sew—the first new item of clothing bought for me was when I became a bride. Can you imagine?

06:40 Speaker 1 Wow.

06:41 Speaker 2 Can you imagine? And I didn’t feel poor or unfortunate. I was always showing off: “Everything’s so good, so nice,” and everything suited me. I would stand in front of the mirror for hours, enjoying how I looked. So there really were the fun things. But the shadow of an ill mother stayed with me for many, many years. It was only after she passed away—and it was very hard for me; it was difficult to take in her passing, because she was so young. She was fifty-four when she passed away. That was when I suddenly understood what those experiences had given me, how they had strengthened me and helped me grow. So...

07:33 Speaker 1 Looking back, you mean.

07:34 Speaker 2 Yes. I grew up and went to a Beis Yaakov school. There were no Chabad schools anywhere in Eretz Yisroel then. Only as I was growing up did they gradually... Well, I’ll tell you more about that later, okay?

07:51 Speaker 1 Yes.

07:52 Speaker 2 I was involved in building Chabad schools. But boruch Hashem, boruch Hashem, we went to a good school and received a very rooted, very Chassidic upbringing at home, and so on. So that’s more or less it. I remember one of the times my mother wasn’t feeling well. It stays with me to this day. I had to make a menu. I remember sitting down and writing what I would cook on the first day. What would I cook on the second day? You have to understand, I was seven or eight, maybe nine. She was hospitalized several times, with heart attacks and so on, and I had to make food. I had to do the laundry. There was no washing machine, and there were babies at home. I washed diapers by hand; there were no disposable diapers. And somehow none of it made me feel deprived or miserable, or think, “Oh, why did Hakadosh Boruch Hu do this to me? Why did Hakadosh Boruch Hu...”

08:55 Speaker 3 It was just clear that this was life?

08:57 Speaker 2 This was life. This was life, and you got on with it. I was always a happy child. I was always dancing, always singing, and I always loved performing. My mother really loved it when I would sing funny songs and act them out at the same time. That was life, and we enjoyed it. We enjoyed everything. Five stones—the game. Today you go to a store and buy a set, right? I learned to play five stones with stones we shaped ourselves. There was a marble factory nearby, and we took pieces and chipped and chipped and sanded them until we had one square stone, then two, then three. We played with those five stones. How much fun is it to play with five stones you made yourself? Everything was like that. I really remember my childhood fondly. Yes, there was the shadow of a mother who wasn’t well, but that was my childhood.

09:47 Speaker 3 Wow. And your home wasn’t a Chabad home, then.

09:50 Speaker 2 No. It was a chassidic home, careful about the smallest mitzvah as well as the most serious. My father set aside regular times for Torah study. He got up every day at four in the morning, finished the entire Tehillim, and had all sorts of other regular study sessions—before davening, before work, and after work. That was the atmosphere: a home of Torah. The boys didn’t have to do anything, because they had to learn Torah. And we girls—this was also the Beis Yaakov education—your role was to support that. And that was perfectly fine. Cleaning, doing things around the house, cooking, folding laundry, washing clothes—it didn’t bother me. By the way, it didn’t interfere with my social life. I always loved playing, and I was good at games. Oh, how we loved playing ball outside! So Chabad only came into our home later. Let’s say this was the beginning of the establishment of Chabad institutions in Israel. There had always been Chabad chassidim, of course—Jews who had managed to escape Russia, even in my time. And the Frierdiker Rebbe had visited Israel, and there was Toras Emes. But it was all very small, small, small. When I was, I think, ten or eleven—ten sounds right—my oldest brother became involved with Chabad. My brother Shimon Beckerman, may he be well, began studying in Chabad evening yeshivos. The person who introduced him was Tuvia Blau, may he live for many good years. He later became very well known for his knowledge of Tanya and so on. He brought Chabad into our home. And I remember lighting Shabbos candles. Back then, girls didn’t start at age three, but when I was twelve, I said Shehecheyanu when I began lighting Shabbos candles with the blessing. And we tried to influence others too. That—

12:02 Speaker 2 That was the atmosphere when Chabad entered our home.

12:05 Speaker 3 You caught the bug.

12:09 Speaker 2 Would you call it a bug?

12:11 Speaker 3 A good bug.

12:12 Speaker 2 Yes, a healthy bug, a healthy bug. We had the privilege of learning Tanya from a very young age, and he taught us Chassidus. And we were the ones who started it—we were the first to establish Bnos Chabad and Neshei Chabad. There was no such thing before.

12:32 Speaker 3 That was an instruction from the Rebbe, really.

12:33 Speaker 2 Right, right. And in Jerusalem we got to know families whose roots were in Chabad, and they helped us. They found us, and we found them. There were hardly any Chabad schools; the few that existed were small. They were sort of state-religious schools, but unofficial. And we were the ones who went out to register children. Day after day after day. Even with all the work and responsibilities at home, we spent entire days on it. I remember that registration period—it was before Pesach, when you also had the work of preparing for Pesach. We went from house to house registering children for the schools. We promised them and said, “It will be worth it. Your children will respect you. Your children will…” We really—

13:28 Speaker 3 Wait, was this already after you were married?

13:30 Speaker 2 No.

13:30 Speaker 3 Before that?

13:31 Speaker 2 Married? I’m talking about when I was a teenager.

13:35 Speaker 3 Wow.

13:35 Speaker 2 Yes. The first Chabad elementary school, which was run by [unclear], [?]—we were the ones who registered the children. And the first Chabad high school, which is run today by—her name then was Silberstrom. What is her name today? Blau, yes. We did the registration. We went from house to house and persuaded girls from Beis Yaakov to come over to us, so they would gain another dimension of Chassidus and—

14:10 Speaker 3 One by one.

14:11 Speaker 2 Absolutely, absolutely. It was very, very hard work. We led activities every Shabbos. There were Shabbosos when we walked three hours each way to lead activities at schools, because the parents had been promised that there would be something for the children on Shabbos. The parents could sleep, and the children would have a program and gain something from it. We really were there from the very beginning, laying the foundations for Chabad in Jerusalem. And of course, it was completely obvious that we would marry Chabad chassidim. My matchmaker was the woman who headed Bnos Chabad and was involved in Neshei Chabad, whom the Rebbe had sent to Jerusalem—Tova Glitzenstein. She was a matchmaker, and she said, “Oh, there’s a very, very nice girl here. She would be right for my nephew.” The shidduch took a little time, with a few twists and turns. But yes, we got married, and baruch Hashem, I was privileged—so privileged—to have an extraordinary husband, Berke Wolf. I had to leave Jerusalem and move to Lod, where he worked with his father, Reb Efraim Wolf, who was the Rebbe’s representative in Israel, and all the instructions came through him. And baruch Hashem, baruch Hashem, we were privileged to build a wonderful home. Your father is one of our children, Chani.

15:45 Speaker 3 Yes. So it started in Lod.

15:48 Speaker 2 It started in Lod, that’s right. Then there was a breakthrough in immigration from behind the Iron Curtain, and—

16:02 Speaker 3 About what year are we up to?

16:06 Speaker 2 You came to ask me for dates? You know, it’s like names—you don’t remember them so well, but—

16:13 Speaker 3 The seventies, roughly, right?

16:16 Speaker 2 Right.

16:18 Speaker 3 770.

16:18 Speaker 2 Let’s say the immigration was more than fifty years ago. Yes.

16:28 Speaker 3 Around the early 5730s.

16:29 Speaker 2 Yes, exactly. At first they arrived in Lod, but then another wave came, and another, and there was no longer enough room. The people coming from Georgia had ties to Chabad, and they wanted to live only near Chabad. So the Rebbe decided to expand, and they searched and searched and searched. Eventually they found Kiryat Malachi, where there were homes ready for the people arriving from Georgia. Now they needed people to welcome them, help them settle in, and teach them.

17:21 Speaker 3 It’s unbelievable. Someone like me was born into Nachalah when it was already established.

17:26 Speaker 2 Yes.

17:26 Speaker 3 Nachalah, for anyone who doesn’t know, is short for Nachlas Har Chabad. That’s the name the Rebbe gave the neighborhood.

17:31 Speaker 2 Right.

17:31 Speaker 3 Named for—

17:32 Speaker 2 His mother.

17:32 Speaker 3 His mother, Rebbetzin Chana.

17:33 Speaker 2 Right.

17:34 Speaker 3 The initials of Nachlas Har Chabad spell Chana.

17:36 Speaker 2 Chana.

17:37 Speaker 3 My name is Chana, I was born in Nachalah, and I studied at Beis Chana. I feel surrounded by rabbis.

17:43 Speaker 2 But you arrived after all the hard work had been done.

17:46 Speaker 3 Exactly. That’s why it’s incredible to hear about how desolate it was here. It’s hard even to imagine.

17:50 Speaker 2 It was desolate in a way you can’t imagine. For the first ten families who arrived, it was simply impossible—I’ll just describe it. You couldn’t even buy milk or leben for the children. A woman would come on a tricycle with her goods in crates, and whoever got up early, stood in line, and managed to get some had it. And whoever didn’t—

18:20 Speaker 3 First come, first served.

18:21 Speaker 2 Had nothing to give the children. Yes, first come, first served. And you couldn’t buy it in the shops. There simply wasn’t any. No meat, no vegetables—I’m talking about during Shemittah. There was no health clinic, no car, and your husband wasn’t there. He left in the morning—Boruch, of blessed memory.

18:42 Speaker 3 So this was really a town built around waves of immigrants, if I understand correctly?

18:47 Speaker 2 Exactly right.

18:48 Speaker 3 So it took time.

18:50 Speaker 2 People came from Georgia and Morocco, and the town was really just getting started, right from the beginning. There were hardly any houses. We pushed strollers through sand; there was no paved road. Just pulling that stroller and walking to the health clinic—I would be out of breath. And there was no car, no one to give you a ride, no transportation. It was really very, very hard, and many people left. One after another after another. There was a real period of crisis. Then another call went out, and my father-in-law was instructed to recruit more families. We were in the second group, a year later, a year later. We came on Shabbos Zachor. I was pregnant, and my son was born on Chol Hamoed Pesach, 17 Nissan—my Avremi, whom many people today probably know from his shlichus in Odessa.

19:48 Speaker 3 Certainly.

19:49 Speaker 2 Yes. We moved into a 54-square-meter apartment, and that was where my son was born. I had to raise three children in one tiny, cramped room, with no space. There was a bunk bed and barely room for one more bed. Even cleaning was a whole ordeal. You couldn’t move anything this way or that way; there was simply no room. It really was very, very, very hard. And honestly, it was terribly hard for me because I didn’t see my husband all day. I had to face all the difficulties—working, taking care of the cleaning, looking after the children, and—

20:32 Speaker 4 Building a neighborhood.

20:35 Speaker 2 And establishing a neighborhood wasn’t simple, because we really had to give classes and reach out to the entire surrounding area. The Rebbe called the place Nachlas Har Chabad, and that “har,” that mountain, had to be somewhere elevated—a symbol, an example, a beacon for the whole area. What that demanded of us was going out to Chabad evenings when all you wanted was to sit quietly with your husband and eat supper. Quickly, quickly, quickly, I bathed the children, and off we went to a Chabad evening. A Chabad evening in this town, then in that town. So many, many towns. To this day there are so many towns around Kiryat Malachi, and there wasn’t a single place where we didn’t give a program. Afterward, we kept in touch about classes on taharas hamishpacha, and then about classes on halachah. It demanded endlessly of us.

21:30 Speaker 4 Each time the Rebbe came out with another campaign, you had to—

21:32 Speaker 2 Another campaign and another campaign. Then suddenly the IDF approached us. There were army bases nearby, so at first it was only in the surrounding area. Later, they enjoyed those evenings so much that they asked us to go to more distant places too. We even went as far as Assaf Harofeh. Yes, and later much farther. We reached Mount Hermon—they flew us there—and we even got to Sharm el-Sheikh in Sinai.

22:02 Speaker 4 Wow.

22:02 Speaker 2 The whole surrounding area, really—not to mention Kiryat Malachi itself. In Kiryat Malachi, we gave classes to Russian speakers, so we made use of Yiddish, and with the Georgian women we used the broken Hebrew they’d picked up here and there in ulpan. Wow, there really was endless, endless, endless activity there. It demanded absolutely everything we had. But again, this too was a challenge. It was fulfilling; it gave us the feeling that we were connected to the Rebbe, bound to the Rebbe, doing what he wanted. And we did it [unclear]—how could I forget? We did the mezuzah campaign. Now, what did we know about mezuzos? We went from house to house talking about taharas hamishpacha, lighting Shabbos candles, the basic mitzvos. We registered children and brought them into our schools. We took down mezuzos and gave them to sofrim to check, then brought them back and followed up: “So, what’s happening?” You registered a girl, and the connection lasts to this day. To this day I meet women who say, “Because of you, my daughter studied there. Because of you, my daughter…” Because of me. By the way, this happened, I think, about fifteen years ago. I was walking along, and in the middle of the street I met someone who said, “Are you Bas Sheva?” I said yes. She said, “You know, you don’t know me, but I know you.” I asked, “Where do you know me from?” She said, “I lived in Mazkeret Batya.” Mazkeret Batya is near Rehovot.

23:50 Speaker 4 Yes.

23:50 Speaker 2 Huh?

23:51 Speaker 4 Bilu.

23:51 Speaker 2 Yes. We were there before Chanukah, and we spoke about the candle and the light, and the oil. She said, “You lit the light in me. From then on, I couldn’t rest. I said, ‘I’m not staying at that school.’” It was a nonreligious place, not a place where people kept mitzvos, you know? She enrolled elsewhere. As a child, she had to leave her home and her town and take transportation to schools in Rehovot for observant children. At first there was no Chabad school, only Bais Yaakov, and afterward she enrolled in Chabad. And I meet her in the middle of the street, and she hugs me and says, “Wow, my connection to Chabad is thanks to you”—because of the talk you gave us back then. So…

24:38 Speaker 5 You just scattered seeds throughout the area, and somewhere they grew. You probably don’t hear most of the stories.

24:45 Speaker 2 Most of them, definitely not. But here and there, especially nowadays, I hear from former students.

24:50 Speaker 5 Little by little.

24:51 Speaker 2 Little by little, suddenly—wow. So, yes.

24:55 Speaker 5 It’s incredible to receive instructions from the Rebbe live. There’s someone giving the directive. It’s amazing; it’s special.

25:05 Speaker 2 You call it a directive?

25:06 Speaker 5 Today, we go through everything the Rebbe said over all those years, trying to find the strength and the instructions, to understand what to do. But then it was direct: tomorrow everyone across the country goes out for the Shabbos-candle campaign. It’s incredible to do it that way.

25:22 Speaker 2 I remember that one Thursday the Rebbe gave an instruction—I think he asked us to encourage tens of thousands of people to light candles. He gave a number. Now, people went out from everywhere: from Lod, from Kfar Chabad. There weren’t even many Chabad centers then. They held a drawing to decide where each woman should go on Friday. I drew Beit Shemesh. It was a short Friday. I think it was around Yud Shvat—a short Friday—and the Rebbe wanted thousands and thousands and thousands of candles lit. Shabbos wasn’t even ready yet, and there was no one to watch the children. I remember leaving at noon, taking my little daughter Tziri with me. We traveled to Beit Shemesh, and there we went through one building, then another, then another. That’s how we spread out. We came back, I think—and there wasn’t even anyone to take the children off my hands, bathe them, or help me cook. I had to prepare for Shabbos in the last few minutes while cleaning and dressing the children. It was crazy. But you described it as though instructions from the Rebbe were just landing on us. It really wasn’t like that. Did we wait for them? Did we see them as a privilege?

27:01 Speaker 5 Yes. No, I meant it in a good way—to receive them…

27:06 Speaker 2 Live.

27:06 Speaker 5 In real time, yes.

27:07 Speaker 2 Right. But it gave us strength. Looking back today, I wonder how I managed to do everything in twenty-four hours. We didn’t have help. Who hired help? Who gave herself that luxury? Who thought, “I deserve help”? No, I didn’t deserve it at all. What do you mean? You’re a homemaker; you have to cook. There were no ready-made cakes. Today we go to Eli’s pastry shop and buy them.

27:33 Speaker 5 Challah, everything.

27:34 Speaker 2 Challah? No, challah, yes, you could get in the shops. But cakes, definitely not. There were no cakes, nothing you could buy ready-made. You’d want a prepared salad? All those salad companies only developed later. There was nothing. You made everything yourself. And baruch Hashem, baruch Hashem. I mean, it didn’t bring us down. On the contrary, it gave us strength that’s impossible to describe. It brought us together. The unity, the connection, the love, the togetherness were very, very, very strong.

28:10 Speaker 5 No wonder that…

28:12 Speaker 2 Yes, we did—

28:12 Speaker 5 The children went out on shlichus.

28:14 Speaker 2 Yes. When we held brissim, what did you mean, hire a caterer? I won’t even mention the family’s name, okay? A very respected family in Nachlas Har Chabad, who had—and still have—considerable means. It was understood that for the Shalom Zachor and the bris, everyone volunteered. This one made something, that one made something, and so on. It didn’t matter whether you were wealthy or not. On the contrary, because everyone took part, those who had less felt comfortable accepting.

28:42 Speaker 5 I think it’s still like that today. In Nachlas Har Chabad there’s so much…

28:45 Speaker 2 So much giving.

28:45 Speaker 5 Besides the giving, there’s no real sense of class differences or anything like that. There’s so much unity and simplicity that has stayed with us since then.

28:55 Speaker 2 I was just talking about this with my daughter. She said, “Mom, you know, we came to Kfar Chabad and suddenly the girls were dressed so elegantly.” Not that I look down on that; it’s perfectly fine to dress nicely. But our simplicity made us feel almost embarrassed—at seminary, not in Nachlas Har Chabad. In Nachlas Har Chabad everyone felt completely at home. Completely at home. Yes.

29:23 Speaker 5 Absolutely.

29:24 Speaker 2 So it really was a period when I’d say, how much can you fit in? As if time were elastic, you know? And if you truly want to do good things, Hakadosh Boruch Hu enables you to. “Avraham was old, advanced in days”—as though his days were full, full, full. And yes, you’re tired, but you’re not drained. You’re full, full, full of very positive energy, and you feel, wow, you belong to the most wonderful place there could be.

29:58 Speaker 5 Connected to the truth.

29:59 Speaker 2 To the truth.

30:00 Speaker 5 And the fulfillment drives you. No matter how much help you have, if you aren’t doing what you were created to do—your part in the world, your shlichus—you’re not there. Not entirely.

30:12 Speaker 2 I agree with every word. That really was the feeling. You felt you were doing exactly the right thing. By the way, even today, when things aren’t easy for me sometimes—there are all kinds of challenges, even in my work giving classes. This past Friday, for instance, I’m a couples therapist, and a couple from abroad called me. There was a huge blowup between them. And I thought to myself, wow, I’d gone to spend Shabbos with my daughter, and I wanted to enjoy it. I’d brought her presents and treats, and I wanted to chat and have fun with them. And suddenly she’s crying, he’s shouting—wow! Then I say to myself, “Bas Sheva, shlichus. Remember? You’re on shlichus.”

31:04 Speaker 5 Just like back then.

31:05 Speaker 2 Exactly. Suddenly you get a burst of energy. And you know what? After a lot of effort, I managed to make peace between them. At first she said, “I’m not cooking for Shabbos. I’m not sitting with him for Kiddush. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not. No.” And he was completely helpless. He was at fault; he hadn’t behaved properly, yes? She had reasons to be angry. But in the end she went into the kitchen and cooked, and baruch Hashem, they had Shabbos. I haven’t had a chance to speak with them since, but they both sent me messages thanking me for helping them reconcile. So yes, when you’re on shlichus and you live shlichus, suddenly everything else seems smaller. Instead of, “Wow, here’s a challenge that just dropped out of the sky onto me,” it’s, “Wait—what is this going to teach me?” Wow, I can’t describe how this idea of shlichus accompanies me in everything. I had an experience with someone who showed no gratitude—no names, of course, not even a hint. I was so hurt, so hurt. I felt as though a sword had been driven into my heart. Then I thought, “Wait, you’re on shlichus, right? What would the Rebbe say to you about this? What is Hakadosh Boruch Hu bringing your way here? Open your eyes.” I can’t describe it. That night I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned, listened to niggunim, did breathing exercises, counted sheep. I couldn’t fall asleep. But the moment I saw it as part of my shlichus and asked what I could learn from it—wow. It lifted me up. Suddenly I said, “Hey, Bas Sheva, look what you’re gaining from this!” A real gain. Chani, I can’t tell you the details because you know the people. I can’t share it with you, but I gained

33:10 Speaker 2 so much, more than I can describe. That’s what gives life its meaning. That’s what gives you vitality. That’s what gives you a sense of shlichus, along with the tools Chassidus gives us to manage our emotions and—

33:24 Speaker 6 Direct them properly.

33:26 Speaker 2 Absolutely, absolutely. That’s when “the mind rules over the heart” becomes real. But it’s not simply the mind ruling over the heart while the heart feels terrible. You say, “Wait. Let the mind take charge, work through this in the spirit of Chassidus, and then bring it back to the heart.” And suddenly the heart—wow.

33:48 Speaker 6 It’s in your hands.

33:50 Speaker 2 In my hands. And I feel that... you know the saying that an angel comes and strikes a blade of grass, telling it, “Grow”? You took a hit? See it while it’s still a small one, because the point is to help you grow, flourish, rise higher. And once you realize that, you don’t wait for the next blow. If a harder blow comes, you say, “Ah, I didn’t learn the lesson before. Come on, teach yourself a lesson.”

34:24 Speaker 6 And you spent hours alone, because Grandpa—tell us, what was he doing?

34:29 Speaker 2 Yes. Well, Grandpa...

34:31 Speaker 6 That’s a story in itself.

34:32 Speaker 2 Grandpa Berke Wolf, a”h. Ah, he really was, you know...

34:40 Speaker 6 No words can—

34:42 Speaker 2 You really can’t describe it. I was privileged to have thirty-five years of marriage with him, and there are no words to describe them. There was nothing like it. Let’s just say that. He could notice every little movement, every little thing, even out of the corner of his eye.

35:02 Speaker 6 Such sensitivity.

35:03 Speaker 2 Sensitivity of the highest order. You didn’t have to ask. He understood me before I asked, and when I did ask for something, he’d say, “Why take one? Take two, take three.” He was so generous, even though he didn’t have much. He didn’t. I earned more at the Ministry of Education than he did. But his giving was extraordinary. That came not only from his good heart, but also from the very, very serious role the Rebbe had given him. He handled Chabad’s public relations and served as its spokesman—all the publicity, everything the Rebbe asked for. And understand, Chani, this was when Chabad was still developing and growing. Someone once came to our home and said, “You know, your husband made the Lubavitcher Rebbe famous.” Yes, my husband made him famous. What did that mean? That the Rebbe appeared in the newspapers and on the radio. He could even be in the news. It sounds unbelievable today, but the seven or eight o’clock morning news could announce: “The Lubavitcher Rebbe has called for people to register for a Sefer Torah.”

36:24 Speaker 6 Today it seems as though there are so many more ways to get the word out—the websites and social media. But back then, radio was everything...

36:31 Speaker 2 Everything.

36:32 Speaker 6 And the newspapers.

36:33 Speaker 2 That was all there was. There wasn’t even television yet; that came later.

36:36 Speaker 6 Now anyone can publish whatever they want, but the power of that was...

36:40 Speaker 2 But it meant spending a great many hours away from home. Now, let’s understand what that was like. When we came to Nachlas Har Chabad, there was no telephone. I think we had no telephone for the first ten years. There was no way to get one; the area had none of the necessary infrastructure. If I wanted to tell my husband something, I couldn’t. I had no way to reach him. If I urgently needed to travel for a medical reason—well, it’s hard to describe. I couldn’t find him. I was pregnant with my fifth—my sixth child, my son who’s a shliach in Sevastopol, on the Crimean Peninsula. I’d been having pains all day, and I kept saying, “I need to give birth, but I can’t—I can’t find my husband to tell him.” There was no phone to call him. He had assignments you can’t even imagine, and I had no idea when he’d come home, or whether he’d come home at all. Was he sleeping somewhere? Was he awake? Had something happened to him on the road? Sometimes I would stand at the window for hours, see a light at the far end of the road, and think, “Maybe that’s him.” Then such disappointment when the car came closer and it wasn’t. And then from the other direction: “Maybe... there, there, coming around the bend—that must be him.” But no. Hours and hours like that. Still, he truly made it up to me. He appreciated that I was the one who had to be there for the children, for work, for the shlichus, for the classes, for all the activities there. And when he did come home, he gave his whole heart and soul. Just one tiny story: I was once at a bris in Nachlas Har Chabad. I think it was about ten years ago; Berke had already passed away more than twenty years earlier. Suddenly the baby’s grandfather, who lives in Jerusalem, came up to me and

38:49 Speaker 2 said, “I’m angry at Berke[?]. I’m angry at Berke[?]. I’m angry with him.” I said, “Are you serious? You’ve been angry with him since he passed away? Why?” He said, “How can a good friend leave? He was everything to me. He was a mashpia, a guide; he made us feel loved.” And understand, everyone felt that way. Everyone.

39:14 Speaker 6 People always tell me, “You have no idea what you lost.” I was in third grade when it happened. I don’t remember much, but over the years, whenever I’ve met someone who knew him, they’ve said, “Wow, you don’t even understand what you lost. What a grandfather.”

39:27 Speaker 2 He really was something. You know, when we were sitting shivah—may we never have to go through trials like that again—people came every evening and told stories, shared memories. Then my daughter Feigy said, “Dad loved me the most.” So Tziri said, “What? He loved me the most.” Then her father said, “What are you talking about? He loved me the most.” In short, it went from one child to the next. Finally I said, “Listen, you have no idea what you’re talking about. He loved me the most.” That’s how it felt. There was something so special about him that everyone felt he was there for them more than anyone else. There’s nothing like it. Truly. Hundreds and hundreds of couples have come to me. I’ve never seen anyone like him, not even among my children—baruch Hashem, they learned from what they saw at home and saw what respect looks like. He truly was one of a kind, one of a generation, and they lost that goodness.

40:30 Speaker 7 Yes. Wow. He was ill for several months?

40:34 Speaker 2 Yes, he was ill for five months. Six months. Yes.

40:41 Speaker 7 I remember being with you upstairs in the women’s section of the shul on Simchas Torah.

40:46 Speaker 2 The last one.

40:47 Speaker 7 He passed away on Shabbos Bereishis, and you said to me, “There, there, there’s Grandpa. Look, look, look.” Yes, that was probably the last time we saw him.

40:56 Speaker 2 Yes.

40:57 Speaker 7 With the last of his strength.

40:58 Speaker 2 Yes, he wouldn’t give it up. Every year, on Hoshana Rabbah, he would travel to the Rebbe for Simchas Torah. He would stay until after Simchas Torah and then come back. He wouldn’t give it up, wouldn’t give it up. The Rebbe would always bless him, “איבער אַ יאָר בעסער”—“Even better next year”—as if to say, again next year. Yes, and he wouldn’t give up that blessing. It wasn’t always easy for me when he went.

41:23 Speaker 7 It was hard.

41:24 Speaker 2 It was hard for me even when the children were downstairs on their own. All the other parents would lift their children onto their shoulders, and mine had no one to lift them. That was so hard. More than once I actually cried, but I knew it gave him so much strength, so I made it possible for him to go. There was one year—one year when I didn’t do it wholeheartedly. I was pregnant and throwing up. I felt awful, and he really pleaded with me. “I’ll make it short. I’ll do whatever I can—I want so badly to be there.” He went past the Rebbe for kos shel bracha. The Rebbe gave him the cup and blessed him with success. I don’t remember exactly what he said. Then, as he was moving on, the Rebbe called him back and said, “And this is for your wife.” He thought, “Wow, the Rebbe is hinting to me. I wasn’t considerate of her.” On that same trip, he went past the Rebbe to receive a dollar. The Rebbe called him back again and asked, “Did you buy your wife a gift?”

42:28 Speaker 7 Wow.

42:29 Speaker 2 For Sukkos. Yes: “Did you buy your wife a gift?” He called me right afterward and said, “Wow, the Rebbe sensed how you felt—that this time you didn’t let me go with your whole heart.” It was the one and only time I truly felt so bad. But I really would have given my life for him. He was a very, very special person, and I was privileged. I was privileged; I truly was. So yes, that’s part of the beginning of Nachlas Har Chabad.

42:57 Speaker 7 And while all this was happening, you were establishing the school here and all the...

43:03 Speaker 2 Everything, everything.

43:04 Speaker 7 You taught at the school. I remember.

43:06 Speaker 2 I taught. At first I was a classroom teacher, and later I was an educational counselor.

43:11 Speaker 7 I remember your room.

43:12 Speaker 2 You remember?

43:13 Speaker 7 You also had one of those purple Nokia phones. I’d ask, “Can I play Snake for a bit?” That was back then.

43:20 Speaker 2 Yes. I had a puppet theater in my room. I had a little library corner. I really had so many things there that I used to engage the girls, so they could participate and talk and share. It really was a time.

43:35 Speaker 7 A different time.

43:35 Speaker 2 Yes, yes. A very challenging time, very much so.

43:39 Speaker 7 Even from when I was at school, as far as I remember, there were three hundred students. Now there are six hundred. It’s a different scale.

43:49 Speaker 2 But it’s not only that. A large number of the students moved elsewhere. They became shluchos themselves, and their children don’t attend this school.

43:58 Speaker 7 Yes.

43:59 Speaker 2 So yes, they’re in Ashdod and Ashkelon and all over...

44:01 Speaker 7 Around the world.

44:03 Speaker 2 By the way, Ashdod was on our shoulders. Ashkelon was on our shoulders, and all the surrounding cities. Yes.

44:10 Speaker 7 Until people actually came there.

44:12 Speaker 2 I remember one Purim, the Rebbe sent us to deliver mishloach manos to widows. At home they were waiting for me for the seudah. They were waiting for me to... People would come with mishloach manos, and you needed to reciprocate. But the Rebbe had said to do it—what do you mean? Even in the middle of Purim, you leave everything and go. I remember the wind and rain, and this sandy haze. You could actually feel the sand sticking to your body. It took us so long to find the addresses. The numbers on the houses weren’t clear; everything was blurred, but we didn’t give up. We went and delivered them, and saw families sitting there on Purim in such sadness. We came with mishloach manos, smiling warmly. We hugged them and danced a little, and when... Wow, it was just...

45:05 Speaker 7 You know, as you tell it, there really was a crazy amount to get done, all those things you had to fit in. And I’m thinking about the children. How did they feel in the middle of all this? I suppose it depends on how you do it and why you’re doing it, because nobody—nobody felt too sorry for themselves. Clearly.

45:28 Speaker 2 No, they didn’t feel sorry for themselves. Because you have to understand, uh...

45:34 Speaker 7 Everyone was part of the...

45:35 Speaker 2 Everyone looked out for everyone. Everyone looked out for everyone. A neighbor would watch them until their father arrived, while I went out in the meantime. And it was just understood; it was okay. My daughters remember, and the boys remember too. So that I wouldn’t have to travel alone to give a class, the children would come along with me, so I wouldn’t be alone with a driver.

45:58 Speaker 7 Family missions.

45:59 Speaker 2 Yes. Until I learned to drive myself and could go to the class on my own. But look at the self-sacrifice involved. I was pregnant—I was pregnant. It was 5 Av.

46:13 Speaker 7 You keep saying, “I was pregnant.” Eventually they’ll tell us how many children you have.

46:16 Speaker 2 Yes. Okay, fine. May Hashem watch over them.

46:23 Speaker 7 Yes.

46:24 Speaker 2 I want to tell you: I traveled with Rebbetzin Yaroslavsky. I was pregnant with my daughter Tziri, and she was pregnant with twins, Nechami and Chani—and Nechami. Do you remember them?

46:35 Speaker 7 Yes, yes.

46:35 Speaker 2 I don’t remember. Anyway, there were day camps. The Rebbe wanted us to speak about the Arizal at the camps. What did the Arizal have to do with day camps? We had to look for material.

46:48 Speaker 7 It was probably also connected to the date of the Arizal’s yahrzeit.

46:53 Speaker 2 5 Menachem Av.

46:53 Speaker 7 Yes.

46:54 Speaker 2 5 Menachem Av.

46:54 Speaker 7 In the summer, at the height of summer.

46:55 Speaker 2 Yes. Anyway, the Rebbe said to go, so we went. But who would take us? We didn’t drive, and there weren’t cars available to take us. So we got on a bus. Our destination was Moshav Mash’en and some of the day camps in Ashkelon. Now, we were hot, so hot—it was 5 Menachem Av, the height of summer. We arrived and got off the bus, but no vehicles went in. We’d been sure that, since it was a moshav, cars would go in and take us. But no vehicles went in, none at all. We were hot, and we hadn’t even brought anything to drink. We almost became dehydrated. The two of us sat on the sidewalk—she with her belly, carrying the twins, and me with my belly, carrying my daughter—waiting for some kind of salvation, for someone to take us in to speak about the Arizal at the day camp. And suddenly a donkey and cart came along. There were branches and planks in the back. I’m telling you, I said to Rebbetzin Yaroslavsky, “Listen, we’re getting on.”

48:02 Speaker 7 If not now, when?

48:03 Speaker 2 If not now, when? Anyway, the driver slowly got down, with his whip and everything, and cleared a little space for us. We sat down, and off the donkey went—galloping, or whatever you’d call it. At one bend I fell against her; at the next bend she fell against me. That’s how two pregnant women traveled. That’s how we got there. That’s how we gave our talk about the Arizal, and afterward we went on toward the beach. I don’t know where we found the strength. I’m telling you, I really don’t. They gave us a megaphone, and we started speaking about the Arizal. Everyone was in bathing suits, and there you were, speaking about the Arizal. It’s unbelievable, simply unbelievable.

48:44 Speaker 7 Only soldiers could do something like that: carry out an order and...

48:47 Speaker 2 Exactly. No questions, no questions. Can you do it or can’t you? Will you make it in time or not? None of that. The Rebbe said to do it, and that was sacred—the holiest of the holy. And we did it with love. It wasn’t, “I have to. I have no choice.”

49:02 Speaker 7 Just the opposite—a privilege.

49:03 Speaker 2 A privilege. That’s exactly how we felt.

49:06 Speaker 7 Amazing.

49:07 Speaker 2 Yes, so that was the beginning of Nachlas Har Chabad. And then the school really grew, was built up and expanded, baruch Hashem. At the school I encountered situations that were very, very, very difficult. Many families in distress came to Nachlas Har Chabad, and there were children in very difficult circumstances. Who wants to open up? Who wants to talk or share? It could hurt their shidduchim, cause problems here or there. We always made home visits—every single year—but you couldn’t always get to the bottom of things. In some homes, yes. You’d walk in... On Erev Shabbos, I would pray, because usually a home is clean and organized then. You let them know in advance that you’re coming, so the table is set and everything. But there were homes I visited where things were terribly, terribly painful. And suddenly you understand what lies behind a girl’s behavior: why she isn’t learning, why she disrupts the class, hits others and acts out.

50:12 Speaker 7 Oh.

50:13 Speaker 2 Then I had an idea. We needed to set up an anonymous phone line, where you could talk. You could share. You could tell your story. You could open up, and no one would know who you were. No one would know who you were.

50:32 Speaker 7 Suddenly you see there’s a tremendous need. So, so much need. And there’s a barrier: the fear of being identified.

50:38 Speaker 2 Exactly. Exactly. And people really didn’t have the means to go for therapy. That’s when the idea for Kav LaLev was born. It had been taking shape in my mind for years, slowly, slowly. How would I do it? What would I do? It needed to be a telephone line. I needed professionals on the other end of the line—not just some kind grandmother to talk to.

51:04 Speaker 7 Professionals.

51:05 Speaker 2 Real professionals. That was something I was firm about. And I needed it to be under the guidance of rabbis. I couldn’t do it alone. I needed someone to help me get it off the ground. I did envision it being run by volunteers, and to this day, baruch Hashem, the women who give those hours of counseling volunteer their time. But everything around it costs money: advertising costs money, training costs money, the phones cost money.

51:40 Speaker 7 Any operation or project you set up is a bottomless pit.

51:43 Speaker 2 A truly bottomless pit.

51:45 Speaker 7 Financially.

51:46 Speaker 2 Yes. So when Grandpa Baruch passed away, I said, what could be a greater merit for his soul? This wonderful, wonderful, wonderful man who only looked for ways to help others. Just one story before I start telling you about Kav LaLev. I once drove back with him from Jerusalem. It was pouring rain, bitterly cold outside. We’d been at some event in Jerusalem, and by the time we were getting home, it was close to two in the morning. As we reached Re’em Junction, where you turn off the Jerusalem road toward Kiryat Malachi, toward Nachlas Har Chabad, he spotted a lone soldier standing at a bus stop, trying to hitch a ride. And at two in the morning, how many rides was he going to find? Who wants to stop in the rain? And you can’t even see who it is, right? Maybe it’s a terrorist, maybe... There really had been some frightening incidents around then. He said to me, “Basheva, look. There’s a boy here the same age as our children, freezing cold, soaked to the bone. You know what? Let’s get home, and you make some coffee. Make coffee and put together some of those cookies you have.” It was Thursday. “We’ll give it to him, so at least he’ll have something hot to drink. Something sweet to warm his heart a little.”

53:21 Speaker 8 You were almost home already.

53:22 Speaker 2 Almost home.

53:23 Speaker 8 A few minutes away.

53:23 Speaker 2 Five minutes from home. Six minutes from home. Well, I was exhausted. Of course, I went to sleep. I’d made the coffee and packed the cookies in a container, and he took them and said, “I’ll be right back.” He left, and I fell into a really deep sleep. At five in the morning, I heard the door open. I thought, “What happened to him?” I woke up, and he wasn’t beside me. I said, “Who’s that?” He said, “Bracha.” I asked him, “Where have you been?” He said, “I felt so sorry for that young man. I thought to myself, if my son were standing there and someone picked him up—he needed to get to a base in Jerusalem—how happy I would be to know my son wasn’t standing there freezing, that someone had taken pity on him. So I decided to drive him to Jerusalem.” You have to understand, he’d just finished a day’s work, and the next day he had to get up early and go back to work. It was very demanding work, a heavy responsibility. In Chabad, you have to represent the Rebbe and be careful about every little thing that comes out of your mouth, right? In short, that was the kind of person he was. He did endless kindnesses like that. Only after he passed away did we hear from countless people just how generous-hearted he really was. But we did set up Kav LaLev, and the person who helped us—may he be well and live for many good years—was Rabbi Hertzel [unclear] of Nachlas Har Chabad, Kiryat Malachi. He’s someone who set up Chabad clubs for children who come home to no food, who come home to no one to help them with their homework. He was deeply involved in acts of kindness, and he thought very, very highly of Grandpa Bracha. He valued him greatly because...

55:35 Speaker 2 Grandpa Bracha also helped him obtain government funding and things like that. He knew how to appreciate good people. And he helped me set this up. It really involved arranging a phone system for every counselor in her home, finding the right people, getting training, bringing in training sessions, and advertising. All those things cost a great deal of money, and at the beginning he gave toward it wholeheartedly. The line is about to celebrate twenty years.

56:14 Speaker 8 Wow.

56:15 Speaker 2 Twenty years. Of course, there have been some changes in the team along the way. Some have been with us since... At first, the line operated only in the evenings, and then we expanded it because we simply couldn’t keep up with the demand. Suddenly there was a line you could call. You didn’t know who was listening on the other end. You didn’t have to identify yourself. You could pour your heart out. You could share the hardest things you were going through, and no one would judge you, and no one would know your secret. Sometimes callers have asked me, “Who are you?” I’ve said—and this still happens today—“You’ll feel more comfortable not knowing. We might pass each other on the street. Maybe you’re from my neighborhood; I don’t know. I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, so you can feel comfortable opening up, telling me, sharing. You don’t have to hide anything. We don’t judge anyone. We’re here to help.” And people really did call.

57:21 Speaker 8 That’s wonderful. What kinds of cases come to you?

57:27 Speaker 2 I’d say the whole spectrum. I remember a twelve-year-old girl who called with an extraordinary story that I obviously can’t share. I won’t tell it.

57:44 Speaker 8 You can hardly tell us anything, really.

57:46 Speaker 2 I can hardly tell you anything. We simply helped her see things differently. She thought she was going to die for a reason that sounds really bizarre, right? Suddenly her eyes opened and she said, “Wow. So I’m healthy? I’m okay?” Something she had reminded her of her grandmother, who had passed away not long before, and somehow she was convinced she was going to die. She was a twelve-year-old girl. So yes, we get adolescent girls, then married women, relationship problems, difficulties raising children, and mental-health issues, including the most severe cases.

58:35 Speaker 8 Clinical cases, even.

58:36 Speaker 2 Absolutely. Absolutely clinical. I call the line a matter of pikuach nefesh, of truly, truly saving lives. And believe me, I can’t share these stories. I can’t tell them because they’re very, very difficult cases. There are a few women who call every week because there’s absolutely no way they can go for therapy, and we’re their therapy. I have a few like that. There’s one woman who’s been calling every week for seven years. I don’t know who she is. She doesn’t know who I am, and I really help her with her treatment. But I make a point of telling her, “Call after the line’s hours, not during them, so you don’t take up...” Because it’s—

59:29 Speaker 8 First aid, so to speak.

59:31 Speaker 2 Exactly. The people calling during those hours need first aid. If I were to describe what we do, I’d call it the fan method. A woman comes to us after a hard day, facing a problem. She feels the world is closed off, hard, unyielding. There’s no way out. No way out. What’s a fan like when it’s closed? It’s rigid, it’s—

1:00:02 Speaker 8 Like a sturdy stick.

1:00:03 Speaker 2 A sturdy stick. And suddenly you open it and see that there’s another way, and another way, and another approach, and another direction, and another thought, and another chance. Suddenly it becomes something colorful and beautiful and flexible. First of all, you bring her out of that terrible distress into a place where—well, a fan also gives you air. You have room to breathe. You can breathe. We refer many people for treatment, but we guide them on where to go. We have the phone numbers, and we really know which places are good and effective, which ones can truly be a lifeline.

1:00:53 Speaker 8 How many counselors do you have today?

1:00:55 Speaker 2 Uh...

1:00:55 Speaker 8 Roughly.

1:00:56 Speaker 2 I have about eighteen counselors.

1:00:59 Speaker 8 Exactly chai.

1:01:00 Speaker 2 Chai, chai. And the line really is full of life. We have almost no money for advertising, but word gets around. Every so often, some kind woman donates an ad, because there’s no one funding the line.

1:01:19 Speaker 8 So people—so women—will hear about it at all.

1:01:21 Speaker 2 So people will hear about it. Every so often someone puts it in a status update, things like that. I have eighteen counselors. They’re all Chabad women, all professionals who work as therapists.

1:01:36 Speaker 8 Meaning they volunteer some of their time for the line.

1:01:39 Speaker 2 Completely, completely voluntarily. And we’re like—we’re really a family. All the counselors at Kav Lalev really, really, really feel like family. They come to celebrations and to events, for every happy occasion, or, G-d forbid, the opposite. Yes, we’re completely there for one another. One of our counselors has a husband who became ill. Every single day, we say Tehillim for his recovery. The whole group, every one of us. Someone says, “I can say a chapter,” and I say a chapter. By now we’ve completed the entire Tehillim dozens and dozens of times for his recovery.

1:02:15 Speaker 8 It really brings people together when you work toward a shared goal for years. It’s...

1:02:20 Speaker 2 Exactly. And I also arrange something for them, and it’s truly so life-giving. With love, with tremendous love. Somehow I raise the money and arrange three days of study sessions for them at a hotel, with the very, very best speakers. It really isn’t cheap. But boruch Hashem, it has an enormous effect: afterward, they want to give even more and do even more, and it brings us even closer. We spend time in personal reflection, we dance, we hug. You can’t describe it. The atmosphere and the bond are truly wonderful.

1:03:02 Speaker 8 Wait, while you’re at the hotel, who answers the line?

1:03:07 Speaker 2 There were years when we left a message, and anyone who called heard that the counselors were at a training program. This year, for example, one of the counselors can’t come under any circumstances, and she decided to take it upon herself to answer morning and evening.

1:03:23 Speaker 8 All the shifts.

1:03:24 Speaker 2 Yes, yes, so that happens too. But it really comes from that very deep bond. So that’s once a year, and we meet another time during the year as well. I come to Israel in the winter, of course, and we hold it in one of our homes. We spend half a day together—actually more than half a day—eating together, learning together, and sharing with one another. It’s an atmosphere where we really give to and receive from one another. Yes, truly, boruch Hashem.

1:03:56 Speaker 8 Wow.

1:03:57 Speaker 2 Yes.

1:03:58 Speaker 8 It’s an incredible resource. Because a few days ago, Hayom Yom had the teaching, “If a person has worry in his heart, let him speak of it.”

1:04:05 Speaker 2 Yes.

1:04:05 Speaker 8 And it says that first of all, he should put it out of his mind, but he should also tell others about it. Why does that help? Because they are united with him and feel his distress with him. Something like that. I’m not quoting the exact words, but it’s amazing that you can do that even anonymously.

1:04:18 Speaker 2 Yes. And I’ll tell you something beyond that: when a woman unburdens her heart, the first thing is that speaking of it gets it out of her heart. Yes. But what we see on our line goes further. You give her direction, but above all, you help her understand that the solution lies within her. Not just feel it—understand it. The solution is within you, because Hakadosh Boruch Hu doesn’t stand up there with a stick, strike you, and then leave you without the ability to cope. The blow isn’t because we did something wrong. It comes to help us grow. It opens your eyes, and you say, “Wow, thank You, Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Thank You. You opened my eyes, and now I know I’m not going to stay where I am.”

1:05:18 Speaker 8 People need that guidance.

1:05:20 Speaker 2 Guidance.

1:05:20 Speaker 8 A prisoner can’t free himself from prison. It takes a perspective from the outside.

1:05:25 Speaker 2 Absolutely, Chani. Absolutely. The guidance is really: here, now you understand that you can do these things. I say that a person is their own healer; the solutions are within us. And you need to understand that you can only grow stronger from this. It takes work, but it’s worth it. It’s an investment. When you’re making a wedding, you invest in it and run around, because you want it to be beautiful and good. Is there a problem in your life? You’re the one who can take the lead, who can pull the strings. Know that you can. You can. Of course, we also need help from professionals, and we do refer people to professionals. But you come away with that sense of vitality, instead of, “Oh no, a mountain has fallen on me. How do I breathe? How do I get out of here? How do I...” No. It isn’t like that. You can help yourself. And that’s really most of the answers we give—or I’d call them ideas. We open up a range of possibilities. Most people really don’t need therapy. They don’t need therapy. You just need to understand where you need to put in a little effort and investment, and you can get out of that situation. I’ve received so many, many thank-yous. Not everyone calls to say thank you, but some do. They say, “Listen, you opened my eyes. You have no idea. I’m in a completely different place now.” And that really is...

1:07:09 Speaker 8 Think how many more cases there would be if this hadn’t been established. It’s incredible—a thought someone had, and it’s been put into practice for hundreds and thousands of...

1:07:19 Speaker 2 Siyata diShmaya beyond description. Siyata diShmaya beyond description. And truly, we... I also speak to the Rebbe. I always say to the Rebbe, “Always put the right words in our mouths; guide us to where we really need to go.” You see, after so many years, it’s also exhausting.

1:07:39 Speaker 8 To take in so many stories and cases.

1:07:42 Speaker 2 It’s a miracle.

1:07:43 Speaker 8 Wow.

1:07:44 Speaker 2 Sometimes there are things that are...

1:07:45 Speaker 8 Heavy.

1:07:46 Speaker 2 I can’t fall asleep after hearing some truly, truly difficult stories. And then there’s the person who supervises me, someone I can pour my heart out to, talk to, share with, and lighten the burden. She gives me guidance on how to clear it from my system. It’s a hard task. Yes.

1:08:07 Speaker 8 So you support one another.

1:08:08 Speaker 2 We support one another.

1:08:09 Speaker 8 Wow.

1:08:09 Speaker 2 And it truly saves people, really, in very complicated and difficult cases.

1:08:18 Speaker 8 It’s so much a part of you. I grew up with it. Kav Lalev is practically your second name.

1:08:24 Speaker 2 Yes, yes, boruch Hashem. I really don’t see it as a burden. I simply see it as a privilege that—I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but Hakadosh Boruch Hu gave me this privilege. I truly don’t know why I’m worthy of it.

1:08:41 Speaker 8 A worthy deed is brought about through someone worthy.

1:08:44 Speaker 2 Apparently.

1:08:45 Speaker 8 Maybe it’s the merit of my ancestors, I don’t know. Yes, but...

1:08:47 Speaker 2 Wow.

1:08:48 Speaker 8 Yes, boruch Hashem, boruch Hashem. Well, you mentioned earlier that you come to Israel from abroad for Kav Lalev’s study sessions. But what no one knows is why you’re living abroad. How did you get there?

1:09:02 Speaker 2 As in, what am I doing abroad?

1:09:03 Speaker 8 Yes. When did that happen?

1:09:04 Speaker 2 I’m a Jerusalemite, from a Jerusalem family going back many generations. My father came from Poland, but boruch Hashem, before the Holocaust. Yet I live abroad, and I’ll tell you why in a moment. Still, this is where I feel most at home. This is my place. I was born here; my children were born here.

1:09:30 Speaker 8 There’s no substitute for that.

1:09:31 Speaker 2 There’s no substitute. I’m there, and I call it a shlichus. After Barkan[?] passed away, I was devastated. It was very hard. When you’ve lived in a relationship with such a deep, loving, strong bond... It never occurred to me to marry again, even though friends and family were pressuring me.

1:10:06 Speaker 8 You were quite young, too.

1:10:07 Speaker 2 I was young. I was only fifty-three when I was widowed. May no one else have to go through that; Moshiach is on the way. But after eleven years of so many approaches, suggestions, pressures, and conversations, I came to see that you don’t have to sever yourself from what you had before in order to build something good now. Precisely because you’ve experienced that marriage can be a friendship—much more than a friendship, but that two people can be very good friends—you know that it doesn’t contradict what came before. No one can take Wolf away from me, boruch Hashem. But today I’m Wolf-Schochat. What that means is that, boruch Hashem, I was introduced to a very special man. He’s a person of exceptional intellect. First of all, he’s very G-d-fearing. He’s a rosh yeshiva, a tremendous scholar in every respect. He’s regarded as a leading figure throughout California, and not only California. Today, when a serious letter needs to be issued in the name of Chabad rabbis, he’s among the first people they turn to. He’s someone who... When we met, I felt that here was a very intelligent, analytical person, someone who thinks things through. There was someone to talk to, someone to have a conversation with. He’s very G-d-fearing and meticulous about every detail of halachah. People called him “the Rosh.” It’s an acronym of his name, but it also fits because he has such a powerful mind. It’s a completely different way of life from the one I lived before. But there is certainly room here for a life of meaning and caring, with a kindhearted person of very, very fine character. His students admire him. To this day, after more than forty years as rosh yeshiva there, they consult him and invite him to weddings to officiate at the chuppah, and—

1:12:49 Speaker 9 All the alumni.

1:12:50 Speaker 2 The yeshiva’s alumni.

1:12:52 Speaker 9 My husband Mendel’s father also studied at the yeshiva.

1:12:55 Speaker 2 He studied at that yeshiva, right.

1:12:56 Speaker 9 Many people probably know it: the well-known Yeshiva Ohr Elchonon in Los Angeles.

1:13:02 Speaker 2 Right, it was a yeshiva that wasn’t Chabad, but they agreed to give us the building on condition that the name Or Elchanan would remain. He had been a very special person, a great Torah scholar. But in the end, Or Elchanan Chabad—it’s a yeshiva he has headed for many, many years. When the rabbi isn’t there, he rules on questions of halachah; he’s the first person people turn to. So there really was a point when you ask yourself: Why stay alone? And being alone was very, very, very hard. As I mentioned, my children found my loneliness very difficult. Suddenly they felt responsible for cheering me up, keeping me interested, filling my time. That wasn’t really what I wanted, but I had grown used to it. You know, when a rich man loses his fortune, you make sure he even has a horse.

1:14:05 Speaker 9 Everything he lacks—everything he used to have.

1:14:06 Speaker 2 Everything he lacks, yes. And it wasn’t easy for the children. Not easy at all. The children were really encouraging me, and so was the whole family around me. So, despite how hard it was to move.

1:14:23 Speaker 9 Beyond the personal change, it means turning your life upside down, relocating.

1:14:28 Speaker 2 Exactly. Completely, completely.

1:14:30 Speaker 9 The language, the time difference, everything.

1:14:31 Speaker 2 The language and the time difference, and wondering whether his family would accept you. After all, it had only been a year and a half since his wife had passed away, while for me it had already been eleven years. How would they accept you? How would you learn the language? What would you do there? Here, my hands were full, full, full with work. Lectures, all kinds of—

1:14:58 Speaker 9 Everything would be new. How old were you?

1:15:00 Speaker 2 Fifty-three.

1:15:02 Speaker 9 No.

1:15:02 Speaker 2 Oh, no, of course. It was eleven and a half years later, so I was already sixty-four, sixty-five, something like that. Yes. Sixty-four, sixty-four.

1:15:14 Speaker 9 And there’s actually a large Israeli community there.

1:15:17 Speaker 2 Oh yes, Los Angeles is packed with Israelis.

1:15:22 Speaker 9 Kiryat Malachi is basically Los Angeles in English. That’s the old joke about Kiryat Malachi. So you moved from Los Angeles to Los Angeles.

1:15:29 Speaker 2 Los Angeles. Yes, but it was clear to me that I had another kind of shlichus there, and that I wasn’t leaving behind what I had done here in Israel. True, I had a study program here and many other activities, and I took care of the mivtzoim here, but I didn’t stop doing those things. I didn’t stop, especially Kav LaLev. I answer calls from there and run the whole operation, which is no simple matter. Boruch Hashem, it’s going well.

1:16:08 Speaker 9 With a ten-hour time difference.

1:16:10 Speaker 2 With a ten-hour time difference. Absolutely. When it’s daytime in Israel, it’s nighttime there, and when it’s nighttime there, it’s daytime here. But it’s all right. And the phones and all the technology—WhatsApp and so on—really helped me stay connected. Grandchildren and great-grandchildren who haven’t seen me in a long time suddenly see me and say, “Wow, Grandma!” And we sort of keep things going.

1:16:43 Speaker 9 As much as—as much as possible.

1:16:44 Speaker 2 As much as possible, as much as we can.

1:16:47 Speaker 9 Can you pinch a cheek through the...

1:16:50 Speaker 2 No.

1:16:50 Speaker 9 Through WhatsApp?

1:16:50 Speaker 2 You can’t hug them, you can’t. But I always warn them that when I come, wow...

1:16:54 Speaker 9 They’ll get enough to make up for all the time that...

1:16:56 Speaker 2 Exactly. I’ll make up for it. I love hugging, I love being close to them, I love that—what can I do? I’m a very, very warm person, and the children are so precious to me, the apple of my eye.

1:17:12 Speaker 9 But besides Kav LaLev, you also work with the Israeli community there.

1:17:18 Speaker 2 Yes, I do.

1:17:19 Speaker 9 There’s no shortage of work.

1:17:20 Speaker 2 No. I give classes there to several groups. Now we’ve combined some of the groups on WhatsApp, but they won’t let me off the hook, and I think I’m going to give in again, go back to their homes and give classes there. And of course I counsel Israelis there—only Israelis—because my English isn’t fluent enough for me to counsel in English. That calls for a much stronger command of the language.

1:17:48 Speaker 9 In short, you need to be a native speaker.

1:17:49 Speaker 2 Exactly, I need to be a native speaker. I have many, many women there who look to me for guidance, women who won’t make a move without asking me, consulting me, sharing things with me. Some have told me, “Wow, you came here for me.” Don’t forget that the people there really are away from their families.

1:18:10 Speaker 9 Right.

1:18:11 Speaker 2 True, their friends become a kind of family, but still, they need that warmth. Today one of the women I mentor sent me I don’t know how many photos and videos from her twin daughters’ bas mitzvah. I’ve been there for her from the first day and have continued to be there for her for more than ten years now. And she felt it. She told me, “I miss you. You’re like our grandmother,” and so on.

1:18:44 Speaker 9 They’re looking for someone to turn to, there in a foreign place.

1:18:46 Speaker 2 Yes, they’re looking for someone. I don’t know how much of a figure I am, but...

1:18:50 Speaker 9 The proof is there.

1:18:51 Speaker 2 The proof is there. I know—you can call it that. As I told you, they call me “Rebbetzin.”

1:18:57 Speaker 9 I saw a video from the birthday celebration the women in your class held for you. It really looked like a family gathering.

1:19:06 Speaker 2 Yes.

1:19:06 Speaker 9 As though everyone had known each other forever.

1:19:07 Speaker 2 Yes. Whenever there’s an occasion, everyone comes and hugs one another. And not just for happy occasions. Hashem should protect us—if someone isn’t feeling well, they all pitch in to cook for her and help her and prepare things for her. There’s a lot of warmth between them, but they’re far from their families. Some may even have wanted to get away; things with their families weren’t so good, and somehow they’ve built their own lives there. It’s not that they’re rich, but they get by and live their lives. And yes, there’s a need—let’s just say there is a great deal of work there, a great deal. If I wanted to, and if I had the strength, I could be even busier. So yes, that’s life there.

1:19:52 Speaker 9 There are needs everywhere.

1:19:53 Speaker 2 And alongside a person who—I go to the yeshiva. The students don’t forget that.

1:20:00 Speaker 9 What a source of strength for the yeshiva.

1:20:02 Speaker 2 Yes, they come to our home for farbrengens. For example, on Purim I host a farbrengen at home, and it isn’t only his students, or only the yeshiva students; eventually the whole community comes. And they never forget that my birthday is on Purim—on Shushan Purim.

1:20:18 Speaker 9 Shushan Purim.

1:20:18 Speaker 2 So after they’ve been out on mivtzoim, they come to eat and farbreng. And they always bring a big cake and sing “Happy Birthday” in Hebrew, not English.

1:20:32 Speaker 9 They practiced.

1:20:33 Speaker 2 They practiced. It’s interesting—the davening at the yeshiva is fascinating, because these are young men. Whenever I’ve davened at the yeshiva, there’s singing and dancing and farbrengens and jumping, and so much life and energy. Young men in the prime of their strength. So it’s very, very interesting. But I miss them. I miss them a lot, and I try to visit as much as I can. I manage at least twice a year, sometimes three times. And...

1:21:07 Speaker 9 COVID was a bit...

1:21:09 Speaker 2 COVID held things up a little.

1:21:10 Speaker 9 For everyone living abroad.

1:21:11 Speaker 2 Yes, but we did make it there.

1:21:15 Speaker 9 Somehow, despite it all.

1:21:16 Speaker 2 Yes, that awful—

1:21:16 Speaker 9 There were weddings in the meantime, and...

1:21:18 Speaker 2 There were weddings and happy occasions and bar mitzvahs, boruch Hashem.

1:21:25 Speaker 9 All right, so we started in Jerusalem and ended up in Los Angeles. How...

1:21:31 Speaker 2 Wait, Jerusalem was in the middle.

1:21:34 Speaker 9 [unclear], Kiryat Malachi and the whole area. How would you sum it up in a few words?

1:21:41 Speaker 2 Somehow, probably [unclear]. Yes, along the way.

1:21:45 Speaker 9 How can you possibly sum it up?

1:21:48 Speaker 2 Well...

1:21:48 Speaker 9 Give us something to take with us.

1:21:50 Speaker 2 Yes. It’s really been a very dynamic life: growing up amid a painful silence, then moving from one city to another, where so many, many responsibilities land on your shoulders. And then leaving and suddenly moving to the other side of the world. I can tell you, I think about it a lot. I really do. And as I said earlier, all those challenges only helped me grow. People often tell me, “Wow, you look so young.” Hardships can add wrinkles, leave your back bent and make you feel as though your life is over. But when you open your eyes and look honestly at the hardships Hakadosh Boruch Hu gives you, you see that He didn’t give them to you for no reason. Hardships are challenges that help you grow. And when you really look inward and ask the real question—“Hakadosh Boruch Hu, what do You want from me? Really, what? What are You trying to tell me?”

1:23:23 Speaker 9 What’s the point? The point.

1:23:25 Speaker 2 What’s the point? What’s the point? That’s exactly it. Suddenly gates open for you, windows open for you, the heavens open. Suddenly you say, “Wow, how much I gained from that experience.” And I feel that today, in my relationships with my children and my grandchildren—I don’t get angry with anyone. I don’t get upset about anything. Nothing—

1:23:53 Speaker 9 Life has seasoned you.

1:23:54 Speaker 2 Completely, completely. All these opportunities that Hakadosh Boruch Hu gives us aren’t because He wants to punish us. No. He simply wants to help us grow stronger. And I think that anyone who grasps that and understands it has a much better life.

1:24:14 Speaker 9 To soar upward. “I thank You, Hashem, for You were angry with me.”

1:24:16 Speaker 2 Exactly.

1:24:17 Speaker 9 That’s it.

1:24:17 Speaker 2 Exactly. That’s what they say we’ll say in the future.

1:24:19 Speaker 9 Yes.

1:24:20 Speaker 2 But we can already feel it—like the Rebbe said, to start living with Moshiach now.

1:24:24 Speaker 9 Yes.

1:24:24 Speaker 2 And we’re waiting for Moshiach, yes. “Awake and sing, you who dwell in the dust”—and all our dear ones, we’ll see them with our own eyes.

1:24:33 Speaker 9 Come on, already.

1:24:34 Speaker 2 Already, already, already, already. And our generation is worthy now. Truly worthy. Even those who’ve drifted away out of ignorance, out of a lack of understanding, out of… We just need to have compassion for them, that’s all.

1:24:47 Speaker 9 To open our eyes already and welcome him.

1:24:51 Speaker 2 Completely, completely. We’re ready.

1:24:54 Speaker 9 Wow, thank you so much, Esti. It was fascinating and amazing, amazing, amazing. Thank you on behalf of everyone who’s going to listen to this. Thank you.

1:25:01 Speaker 2 With love.