Educating Children for Pesach - Rabbi Yosef Avraham Pizam shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You’re listening to the “Lema’an Yishme’u” podcast from Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 Pesach. The mitzvah of “You shall tell your son.” A central mitzvah. The Seder night is at the heart of it. But we have an entire month here, and we won’t discuss everything or every date this time. We’ll talk now about preparing for Pesach itself, everything from the search for chametz onward, and the preparations for the Seder night and the Seder itself. What part do our children play in all this? First, though, let’s open with two quotations from the Rebbe on our duty to educate them in preparing for the Seder. The first is a letter from 12 Nissan 5724, published in Igros Kodesh, volume 23: “Surely you have already studied the meaning of the Pesach Haggadah, and you will also ask the four questions of Mah Nishtanah. Through this study and conduct, you will enter the category of a wise son.” The Rebbe writes to a child: Learn the meaning of the Haggadah, ask the four questions, study them and act accordingly, and then you are a wise son—one of the four sons the Torah speaks about. Here is another very interesting passage from the Rebbe’s words, about putting your heart into saying Mah Nishtanah and into the father’s answers. A question: “When the Rebbe shlita asked my son, may he live”—this is translated from English—“‘Do you know the four questions by heart?’ my son answered, ‘Yes.’ The Rebbe shlita continued speaking to my son, pointing at me: ‘And do you know all the answers?’ When I entered his holy room, the Rebbe shlita told me that the question to my son had really meant not only whether he knew the four questions by heart, but whether he knew them with his heart. In other words, did he feel the questions deeply? And that is what the Rebbe shlita meant when he asked me, ‘Do you know the answer?’

03:20 Speaker 2 “The answer to the son’s heartfelt question.” The Rebbe’s response: “This includes explaining it with such heartfelt feeling that the questions are answered and resolved in the son’s own feelings, and he feels that he is leaving Egypt now. That is our duty on Seder night.” Searching for, nullifying, selling and burning chametz. Although young children can take part in the search for chametz, we do not rely on them. We involve them, yes, but we do not rely on them, even in their own room. The same applies to nullifying and selling chametz: their father sells and nullifies it for them. Mayim shelanu, baking shmurah matzah, and reciting the passage about the Pesach offering. The Rebbe Rashab trained his son, the Frierdiker Rebbe, to take part in drawing mayim shelanu, baking the matzos and reciting the passage about the Pesach offering. The Frierdiker Rebbe relates: “Pesach is approaching, and thank G-d, I already know many of the laws of Pesach by heart and know where to find them in the Shulchan Aruch. When the shmurah matzos were baked, I was one of those overseeing the work. But I heard behind the curtain that my participation had given my father, the Rebbe Rashab, pleasure. I hope that on Erev Pesach, when the matzos for the mitzvah are baked, I will show everything I can do. For the three days before Pesach, sleep fled from my eyes, because while awake my thoughts were entirely occupied with what lay ahead: drawing mayim shelanu at twilight on the 13th, the search for chametz, the siyum—the siyum of Tractate Megillah by heart—baking the matzos for the mitzvah, and reciting the passage about the Pesach offering. Last year, too, my father, the Rebbe Rashab, took me to hear the siyum for the firstborn and to participate in all these activities. But last year I was only a participant. I went to draw mayim shelanu without knowing what it meant. I stood there during the blessing before the search without understanding the obligation. I heard the siyum without understanding it. But now, now I understand.” I should note that every year, from the time I was ten,

06:21 Speaker 2 on Erev Pesach my father would call me to recite the passage about the Pesach offering together with him. From here we move to the siyum on Erev Pesach. It is the Jewish custom to bring even very young firstborn children to the Erev Pesach siyum, though they cannot yet understand it at all. They come to hear the siyum, and in this way they can eat at the seudas mitzvah—or taste something from the food served for the seudas mitzvah held after the siyum on Erev Pesach—so that they will not have to fast. That is the straightforward explanation. May a child eat matzah on Erev Pesach, or not? Here is the halacha. A boy or girl who cannot understand what they are told about the Exodus from Egypt—if they are so young that it means nothing to them—may be given matzah throughout Erev Pesach, and even at night before Kiddush. They do not understand at all what we are talking about when we speak of the Exodus. But a boy or girl who can understand what they are told about the Exodus that night may not be given matzah on Erev Pesach. For it says, “You shall tell your son on that day, saying: It is because of this that Hashem did this for me…” “Because of this”—what does that mean? It means when the matzah and maror are set before you. If the child has already filled his stomach with matzah, how can you say to him, “Because of this”? It is no longer new to him. Arranging the Seder plate. Young children who read the Haggadah themselves arrange their own Seder plate. Taking the afikoman. In Chabad, we do not have the custom of taking the afikoman, just as this was not the custom in the Rebbe’s household—that is, in the homes of our Rebbeim throughout the generations. We do not want children to get a taste of stealing, even if it is supposedly a joke. Asking Mah Nishtanah. Our custom, the Chabad custom, is for young children to ask the four questions in Yiddish, as printed in several places, beginning with the words, “Tate, ich vil bai dir fregen fir kashes”—“Father, I want to ask you four questions.” Do young girls also ask Mah Nishtanah?

09:06 Speaker 2 It is important to know that they do. The main thing is that everyone first listens to the children’s questions, and afterward the whole household reads and says Mah Nishtanah. Eating matzah and maror. We, the parents and adults, train young children to eat a kezayis of matzah while reclining, and to eat maror. A child who did not recline while eating a kezayis of matzah does not need to eat it again. Eating on Seder night before Shulchan Orech. We know that for many people, it is often very hard not to eat until Shulchan Orech. They eat a little from the Seder plate. So let’s see how we deal with this for young children. What may we do to make it easier for them? If it is not possible to begin the Seder immediately at the start of the night and the children want to eat, then although it is permissible to give them food before they have heard Kiddush and the Haggadah, as explained, one should nevertheless hurry to take the food away and not let them eat too much, so that they do not fall asleep during the Haggadah. But they may not be given matzah, the “bread of poverty.” And which child are we saying may not be given it? A child who can understand what is related that night. Even shortly before the Haggadah is recited, a child who can understand what is related that night should not be given the bread of poverty. You can give him other things to eat. He may not be able to manage otherwise—give him a little something to get him through—but not the bread of poverty, because that is connected to the Haggadah itself. Karpas. Some people use an onion for karpas. That is very difficult for young children, so they can use a potato instead. Drinking the four cups. What is the law regarding young children and the four cups? The halacha is that a father must train even young children in this mitzvah by giving them the cups to drink in the prescribed order, if they have reached the age of education. What does “reached the age of education” mean, especially when it comes to Seder night?

11:46 Speaker 2 The Seder? The answer is: children who have reached the age at which they should be taught to listen to what is said over the cups—for example, they understand the sanctity of Yom Tov. So they should be taught to listen to the Kiddush recited over the first cup. They can also understand what they are told about the Exodus from Egypt during the Haggadah, so they should be taught to listen to the Haggadah recited over the second cup. They must therefore be taught to listen to the Grace After Meals recited over the third cup, and to the conclusion of Hallel, Hallel Hagadol, and Nishmas recited over the fourth cup. In short, it isn’t easy. We need to make sure the children rest during the day. My friends, especially on Erev Pesach, they must rest during the day—turn the world upside down if you have to, but let them rest. And make sure they drink enough and eat enough, so that when Seder night arrives, they can hold out. Girls who have reached the age of chinuch have the same status as boys and must be taught all the other mitzvos observed on this night. There is no difference between boys and girls. They need to be strong and ready. In any case, a child does not need to drink most of a revi’is from each of the four cups, only a cheekful according to his own size. A cheekful according to his own size: for a child, filling his mouth with wine is enough. Four cups of grape juice. Many have the custom of teaching children to drink four cups of grape juice rather than four cups of wine. Wine can harm them, so let them drink diluted wine or grape juice. Distributing roasted grains and nuts: it is a mitzvah to give young children roasted grains and nuts on Pesach night before beginning the Seder. You start the Seder, everyone sits down at the table, and suddenly Dad or Grandpa starts handing out roasted grains and nuts. Wow! Things are already getting interesting. This is so they will notice a change and ask why this night is different from all other nights. Although we have no answer to that particular question, seeing this change and being prompted to ask about it will also prompt them to ask

14:29 Speaker 2 about other differences, not just the nuts. They will ask why we eat matzah and maror, and why we recline. Then we answer them, “We were slaves,” and so on. In fact, reciting and understanding the Haggadah provides the answers to the Four Questions. The holy Shelah wrote that the children, too, should be awake during the Seder. More than that—listen to these words—even nursing infants. Who needs that? It is proper to put them to bed during the day so that they will sleep then and be awake that night, because even the very, very youngest children saw miracles at the sea and said, “This is my G-d.” As our Sages said in the Gemara, Sotah 30b, “The infant lifted his neck, and the nursing baby let go of the breast.” The holy Shelah is saying: let’s make an effort to recreate that night, so the babies can be awake. Gebrokts. During the seven days of Pesach, we are extremely careful about matzah that has come into contact with water, even for children, as part of their chinuch. So much so that we cover the matzos on the table to keep water from falling on them, and cover the water to keep a crumb of matzah from falling in. Many people simply give a child matzah inside a plastic bag. The child eats it from the bag and doesn’t scatter crumbs around. Machine-made matzah: it should not be given even to children; we are that particular about it. For a small child who is crying and cannot eat matzah any other way, one may be lenient and give him gebrokts or forgo other stringencies of that kind—but not give him machine-made matzah. Matzah is about emunah, which must be instilled from childhood. The Rebbe said this on 13 Nissan 5710. All the Pesach customs, everything that happens at the Seder and that we explain to the whole family—of course the children should be part of it, but again, according to their maturity and what they

17:02 Speaker 2 are capable of. Whether a child is three, five, six, seven, eight, nine, or eleven, each of those ages makes a difference. The commentators make another point: it depends on each child’s understanding. Parents know their children and what they can and cannot ask of them. So we don’t pressure them. It all needs to be pleasant and engaging. We need to involve the children and make them want to take part in all the many laws and customs of Seder night—and there are many of them. Of course we will include our children in the singing during the Haggadah, and of course we will make sure they hear the story and its explanation, briefly and to the point. Not in a way that makes the participants suffer, but in a way that involves them. The next morning, we get up and involve the children. They should know that when the Torah scroll is taken out, we recite the Thirteen Attributes of Mercy in honor of the festival. On the first day of Yom Tov, before Musaf, the shamash announces “Morid hatal,” and we stop saying “Mashiv haruach umorid hageshem.” We need to tell our children so they know what is going on. The joy of Yom Tov: we need to bring joy to everyone in the household, the women and the children, with things each one likes. Children like gifts and surprises. Sefiras HaOmer begins here. We need to teach the children to count the Omer and not forget. And if someone forgot and remembered during the day, they should count then so they can continue counting with a brachah. We should increase our Torah study on Chol Hamoed, and that of course includes the children. Torah gatherings: we should include the children in them to the extent they are able. The gabbaim everywhere would do well to include all the participants, adults and children, in raffles. A child who can sit through it will stay to take part in the raffle and perhaps win. Then at least he will have listened a little, understood a little, been in a good place, and also

19:44 Speaker 2 won something in honor of the festival. The Rebbes write that educators should keep in touch with their students, boys and girls, during Chol Hamoed. That means, of course, that parents too should stay engaged with their children during Chol Hamoed and attend to their education. It is permitted, and even a mitzvah, to open a school and even to write on Chol Hamoed so that students will not be bored but will be occupied with good things. Preparing for Seudas Moshiach: of course the children should be at Seudas Moshiach too. That means Seudas Moshiach at a Chabad shul, and Seudas Moshiach connected with outreach activities and marches. For many years, the custom has been to go out in a procession on the afternoon of the seventh day of Pesach, and also on Shavuos and Shemini Atzeres, to visit fellow Jews in shuls and study halls in various neighborhoods and add to their Yom Tov joy. Why does it add to their joy? Because many Jews from other neighborhoods come together, and everyone increases everyone else’s joy—especially when words of Torah are shared. “The precepts of Hashem are upright, gladdening the heart.” Nigleh, Chassidus, the Rebbe’s teachings—in short. On the night of the seventh day of Pesach, too, each child can be included, according to his age and ability, in the Lubavitch custom of staying awake all night. Each child according to his age and what he can manage. As for children’s gatherings in the sukkah—on Pesach. Tzivos Hashem: in 5740, the Rebbe Melech HaMoshiach instructed that gatherings and celebrations be held for Jewish children below bar or bas mitzvah age, boys separately and girls separately. They should be told about the meaning of the Exodus from Egypt and the self-sacrifice of the Jewish people in crossing the sea to reach the Giving of the Torah—what led to the splitting of the sea and onward to the Giving of the Torah. It is appropriate and proper to connect these gatherings with Seudas Moshiach. By doing these things with holy, pure Jewish children—“Out of the mouths of babes and nursing infants You have established strength, to silence foe and avenger”—we strengthen the world’s existence and hasten the end of exile. Of course, we should involve the children in

22:19 Speaker 2 Seudas Moshiach, drinking the four cups with the same care as on Seder night, along with the Rebbes’ niggunim and the Shpoler Zeide’s “Hop Kazak” dance. That way, everyone feels the living anticipation of the Geulah at a time when Moshiach’s light shines. Above all, may we merit to be lights that shine through our conduct, by bringing our whole family, from oldest to youngest, into the experience of Pesach, sharing it with more Jews, and being a light to others as well. And may we finally merit the fulfillment of “As in the days of your going out of the land of Egypt, I will show you wonders,” with the true and complete Geulah. For if not now, when?